Last Man Standing (2011–…): Season 4, Episode 6 - Mike Advises Mandy - full transcript

Kyle: ALMOST THERE.
JUST ANOTHER SECOND, MR. ALZATE.

IT'S OUR NEW SIX-MAN TENT.

THEY CLAIM YOU CAN PUT IT UP
IN 30 SECONDS.

KYLE'S BEEN AT IT
SINCE LUNCH.

MAYBE HE NEEDS
THOSE FIVE OTHER GUYS.

INTERNET SALES HAVE BEEN
TERRIBLE WITH THIS.

HOW DO YOU SELL A TENT
NOBODY WANTS?

WE SHOULD ASK THE REP
THAT SOLD YOU A THOUSAND.

DONE.

[ SIGHS ] FINALLY.

THAT WAS WORSE THAN WRESTLING
MY GRANDMA INTO A BATHTUB.



BUT AT LEAST YOU END UP
WITH A CLEAN OLD LADY, HUH?

CLEAN, OLD, SLIPPERY LADY.

THEN SHE BREAKS FREE,
RUNS OUT INTO THE YARD,

AND THE WHOLE THING
STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN.

ACTUALLY,
IT'S A WELL-MADE TENT.

I HAVE NO IDEA
WHY THEY'RE NOT SELLING ONLINE.

PEOPLE WANT
WHAT PEOPLE WANT.

APPARENTLY, AFTER A LONG DAY
OF HUNTING AND FISHING,

WHAT THEY DON'T WANT
IS SIX SWEATY GUYS IN ONE TENT.

I'M GONNA STAY DOWN HERE

AND SELL THESE BABIES
THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY --

FACE-TO-FACE,
ONE AT A TIME.

THAT'S A GOOD PLAN.
YEAH.

ALL YOU GOT TO DO
IS SELL ONE A DAY FOR TWO YEARS,



AND THEN
YOU ONLY GOT 230 LEFT.

IT'S ALL ABOUT
CUSTOMER RAPPORT, MIKEY.

SIR, MAY I DIRECT YOU
TO OUR EXCELLENT ZIP-FRONT TENT?

IT SLEEPS SIX,

AND YOU CAN SET IT UP
IN 30 SECONDS FLAT.

YOU CAN TAKE IT DOWN
EVEN FASTER.

-- Captions by VITAC --

IF NOBODY'S THERE
WHEN YOU RING THE BELL,

DON'T JUST LEAVE THE BOX
BY THE DOOR

BECAUSE SOME OF
MY CUSTOMERS

HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING
THEIR ORDERS.

WELL, THERE'S A LOT OF CROOKS
OUT THERE.

THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS HIDE
YOUR DELIVERIES IN THE BUSHES

OR BEHIND SOME FIREWOOD.

THEN YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
HIDE THEM BETTER, KYLE,

'CAUSE PEOPLE STILL
AREN'T GETTING THEM.

UH, MIKE, YOU WANT
TO WEIGH IN ON THAT?

YOU'RE STILL HELPING MANDY

WITH HER CLOTHING BUSINESS,
RIGHT?

WELL,
NOT SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

I HAVE TOO MANY HEADACHES
WITH MY OWN BUSINESS.

YOU KNOW,
KYLE WORKS FOR ME, TOO.

KYLE IS SUCH
A GREAT BOYFRIEND.

I'M DEVOTING AN ENTIRE CHAPTER
TO HIM IN MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY.

IT WILL COME RIGHT BEFORE
MY LOSS OF CONFIDENCE,

MY BATTLE WITH ADDITION,

AND THEN MY CLIMB
BACK TO THE TOP.

DID SHE JUST SAY
"BATTLE WITH ADDITION"?

IF YOU HAD EVER HELPED HER
WITH HER MATH HOMEWORK,

YOU'D UNDERSTAND.

I WOULD REALLY FEEL MUCH BETTER
IF YOU WERE MORE INVOLVED.

SHE'S GONNA MAKE MISTAKES,
AND SHE'LL LEARN FROM THEM.

THE FIRST STEP IS ADMITTING YOU
HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ADDITION.

SO, HONEY, HOW ARE SALES?

OH, EXCELLENT.
LAST MONTH, I MADE $2,000.

WOW! HEY.
BEFORE OR AFTER TAXES?

OH, THAT WAS
WITHOUT TAXES.

WINK! WINK!

DAD KNOWS
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

READY TO JUMP IN YET,
MIKE?

YOU DIDN'T PAY ANY TAXES?

WELL, YOU KNOW,
IT'S LIKE YOU ALWAYS SAY --

"TAXES ARE
A BIG GOVERNMENT RIP-OFF,

OBAMA, HILLARY,
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH." PBHT.

YOU NEED TO BE SETTING ASIDE 40%
FOR TAXES.

OBAMA IS LIKE
THAT ANNOYING FRIEND OF YOURS

THAT TAKES FRENCH FRIES
OFF YOUR PLATE...
UH-HUH.

...BUT IN THIS CASE,
IF YOU DON'T GIVE THEM TO HIM,

HE WILL PUT YOU IN JAIL.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

WHY ARE YOU GUYS
TELLING ME THIS?

I-I USED TO BE RICH,
AND NOW I'M POOR.

WELCOME TO
THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY PLATFORM --

THAT AND AN ENERGY POLICY
OF WINDMILLS

AND LITTLE MONKEYS
ON TRICYCLES.

NOW WHAT ARE WE BLAMING
THE DEMOCRATS FOR, HUH?

THE FINANCIAL RECOVERY,
AFFORDABLE HEALTHCARE,

GETTING BIN LADEN?

ENOUGH WITH
THE "GETTING BIN LADEN" THING!

THAT WAS LIKE
THREE SUPER BOWLS AGO.

GOD, THE VON TRAPP FAMILY
TOOK FEWER CURTAIN CALLS.

MANDY HASN'T BEEN PAYING
ANY TAXES.

OH, WOW.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE,
MANDY?

[ CHUCKLES ]
VERIZON? BOEING? G.E.?

HEY, I WILL FIND THE MONEY
TO PAY MY STUPID TAXES,

LIKE EVERY OTHER STUPID PERSON
IN STUPID AMERICA, OKAY?

YOU DON'T NEED TO SAY
"STUPID AMERICA."

YOU JUST NEED TO SAY
"CALIFORNIA."

WE SHOULD GIVE HER
THAT MONEY.

NO, NO, NO.
YEAH.

WE'LL GIVE HER ADVICE.
WE'RE NOT BAILING HER OUT.

THIS IS
A TEACHABLE MOMENT

LIKE THAT TIME SHE GOT HER HEAD
CAUGHT IN THE BANISTER.

TIMES.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
SHE -- SHE CAN EARN SOME MONEY.

KRISTIN, HEY.
HONEY?
HUH? WHAT?

HOW DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT GIVING MANDY

A SHIFT
AT YOUR RESTAURANT?

OH, YEAH.
WE HAVE BEEN ON THE LOOKOUT

FOR SOMEONE
WHO'S INCOMPETENT, SO...
NO.

PLUS, THEIR BANISTERS
ARE REALLY WIDE.

ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW
WHO'S LOOKING FOR HELP?

GRANDPA BUD ASKED
IF I COULD COVER FOR HIM

NEXT WEEKEND
AT THE POT STORE.

IT SOUNDED LIKE
GOOD MONEY.

YOU SAID NO, RIGHT?!

OF COURSE.

[ CHUCKLES ]
IT WOULD BE, LIKE, AWKWARD

TO RUN INTO ONE OF THE MOMS
FROM BOYD'S SCHOOL, SO...

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHY WOULD THE OTHER MOMS
BE BUYING MARIJUANA?

IT'S BEEN SO LONG
SINCE YOU'VE HAD A 7-YEAR-OLD.

WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING

WE FOUND THIS TAX PROBLEM
NOW, YOU KNOW?

YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM
THE U.S. GOVERNMENT FOREVER.

MY COUSIN'S BEEN DOING IT
FOR 11 YEARS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I MEAN, WHAT COUSIN?

I.N.S., I.R.S. --

IT'S A TOSS-UP TO SEE
WHO RAIDS THIS PLACE FIRST.

GOT TO GET A PLAN
TO PAY OFF THIS TAX BILL.

OKAY, I HAVE A PLAN.
GOOD.

SO, I WAS GONNA ASK
IF YOU AND MOM --

NO.

THEN I DON'T HAVE
A PLAN.

ONE WAY TO RAISE REVENUE
IS INCREASE YOUR PROFIT MARGIN.

YOU DO THAT
BY CUTTING COSTS.
UH-HUH.

WHAT'S
YOUR BIGGEST EXPENSE?

MM...

YOU KNOW, I THINK
I'LL CUT MY BREAK SHORT TODAY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SEWING IS MUCH MORE RELAXING
THAN EATING OR RESTING.

AHH.

THAT'S VERY,
VERY GOOD, BLANCA.

YES, WE HAVE TO MAKE
MORE DRESSES

SO WE CAN MAKE
MORE MONEY.

OR...
WE COULD CHARGE MORE.

YOU THINK
I SHOULD RAISE MY PRICES?

WAIT. BUT HOW WOULD I,
LIKE, EVEN DO THAT?

SEE THAT NUMBER
RIGHT THERE?

YEAH?
WE MAKE IT BIGGER.

WHAT?!

WOW. [ CHUCKLES ]

THAT WAS REALLY EASY.

OKAY, UH,
BUT IF I RAISE MY PRICES,

WON'T I SCARE OFF
MY CUSTOMERS?

IT DEPENDS. WHAT KIND OF
SHOPPERS DO YOU WANT --

"A," BARGAIN HUNTERS?
MM-HMM.

OR, "B,"
HIGH-END SHOPPERS?

MM...

SAY "B."
WE WANT "B." "B."

YEAH, I MEAN,
I WANT THE HIGH-END PEOPLE.

YEAH.
RIGHT.

I MEAN, MY STUFF
IS REALLY GOOD, DAD.

I USE QUALITY FABRICS,

AND I CUSTOM-MAKE
EVERY SINGLE ORDER BY HAND.

OH, YES,
AND I JUST SEWED

A "HANDMADE
BY MANDY BAXTER" TAG

INTO THIS DRESS
I JUST HANDMADE.

WE COULD TARGET
A MORE DISCERNING CUSTOMER

WHO APPRECIATES
ONE-OF-A-KIND, HANDMADE ITEMS.

OOH!
THAT'S REALLY GOOD.

KEEP TYPING STUFF
LIKE THAT.

IT'S CALLED BRANDING.

IT'S BAD FOR A COW,
BUT GREAT FOR A SMALL BUSINESS.

WE COULD TURN
MANDY BAXTER DESIGNS

INTO A MORE HIGH-END BRAND,
LIKE, UH --

[ GASPS ] LIKE PRADA?

OOOOH!
I COULD BE LIKE PRADA?

I WAS THINKING MORE LIKE
BROWNING SHOTGUNS,

BUT PRADA'S FINE.

LISTEN, PEOPLE WILL PAY
FOR QUALITY.

I'M GONNA USE
MY COMPUTER UPSTAIRS.

I'M GONNA SEND YOU
A NEW TEMPLATE

FOR A BETTER WEB DESIGN,
AND WE'LL CHANGE THAT FONT

TO SOMETHING WHERE THE I's
NOT DOTTED WITH A KITTEN.

BLANCA, WE ARE GONNA BE
THE NEXT PRADA.

OH. [ CHUCKLES ]

I ALREADY WORKED
IN HIGH-END FASHION.

I WAS A SHIFT SUPERVISOR
AT A FACTORY IN ZACAPA.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE
A REALLY GOOD JOB.

YEAH.

BUT WHEN YOU'RE 11,

YOU JUST WANT
TO GO OUT AND PLAY.

MIKE, HOW DO YOU LIKE
MY NEW ATTENTION-GETTER?

PRETTY GOOD MOVES
FOR A WHITE GUY.

THEY CALL HIM DOOBIE.

THAT'S A SLANG TERM
FOR A MARIJUANA CIGARETTE.

NO KIDDIN', DAD.

LISTEN, I DON'T APPRECIATE
YOU ASKING KRISTIN TO WORK HERE.

IT WAS ONLY
FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.
I DON'T CARE.

I'M GOING OUT OF TOWN NEXT
WEEKEND WITH MY NEW LADY FRIEND.

WHY DO YOU NEED KRISTIN?
YOU HAVE A NEW MANAGER.

YEAH, CHERYL. SHE'S GREAT.
GREAT. GOOD.

SHE'S ALSO
MY NEW LADY FRIEND.

SHE'S GOT A BOWLING TOURNAMENT
IN RENO.

WOW.

BOWLING TOURNAMENT,
RENO --

I READ ABOUT THAT
IN THE SOCIETY PAGE.

DO YOU THINK
IT'S A REALLY SMART IDEA

TO BE DATING
YOUR EMPLOYEES?

I KNOW --
DON'T CRAP WHERE YOU EAT.

ALTHOUGH YOU MAY NOT HAVE
A CHOICE IN RENO.

CHERYL AND I ARE JUST HAVING
A FEW LAUGHS.

I DON'T NEED YOU
STICKING YOUR NOSE IN.

I'M NOT HERE TO STICK MY NOSE
IN YOUR BUSINESS.

I JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU

I DON'T WANT MY KIDS WORKING
AT THIS STORE.

YOU MADE YOUR POINT.
GOOD.

HAVE A SAFE TRIP TO RENO,

AND DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID
LIKE GET MARRIED.

DON'T WORRY.
THAT WON'T HAPPEN.

CHERYL'S ALREADY MARRIED.

YOUR DAD IS GOING TO RENO
WITH A MARRIED WOMAN,

AND YOU DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING?

WELL, I TOOK A FEW SHOTS
AT RENO.

I TRY NOT TO INTERFERE WHEN
PEOPLE ARE MAKING BAD DECISIONS.

I DIDN'T SAY ONE THING THAT
WHOLE YEAR YOU WENT REDHEAD.

YOU KNOW,
IT WOULDN'T TAKE ME LONG

TO FIND YOUR
MULLET PICTURES, DAD.

THAT WAS
MY FAVORITE HAIRCUT.

I WANT TO BE BURIED
IN A MULLET.

FUNERAL IN THE FRONT,
PARTY IN THE BACK.

BOY, I LOVE THE EXAMPLE

YOUR DAD IS SETTING
FOR OUR KIDS.

FIRST BUD'S BUDS
AND NOW DATING A MARRIED WOMAN.

WHO'S DATING
A MARRIED WOMAN?

UH...UH, YOUR --
YOUR FATHER.

[ LAUGHS ]

YEAH, WE'RE --
WE'RE MARRIED,

BUT IT'S LIKE WE'RE DATING,
BECAUSE WE ARE SO MUCH IN LOVE.

GROSS.

OH,
I THINK IT'S SWEET.

EVE'S PROBABLY RIGHT.
IT IS GROSS.

Vanessa: HEY.

HOWEVER,
I WILL SEE YOU TONIGHT, RED.

STILL GOT SOME DYE
LEFT IN THAT BOTTLE.

I COULD GINGER UP
IN AN HOUR.

HEY, YOU GUYS,
CHECK IT OUT.

JUST REDID THE WEBSITE.

WELCOME...TO THE NEW...
MANDY BAXTER DESIGNS.

OOH!
THAT'S SLEEK.

YOU GOT RID OF
THE KITTIES.

DEFINITELY LOOKS
MORE EXPENSIVE.

OH, FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY
THAT, BECAUSE...

IT IS.

$150 FOR A ROMPER?

[ SCOFFS ]
YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND.

[ GIGGLES ]
OUT OF MY MIND LIKE A FOX.

IT'S CALLED REBRANDING.
I'M CREATING A PREMIUM PRODUCT.

OKAY, BUT ARE THESE ROMPERS
SOMEHOW BETTER

THAN THE ONES
THAT YOU WERE SELLING YESTERDAY?

YEAH, THEY COST MORE.

BUT THEY'RE THE SAME.

NO, THEY'RE MORE EXPENSIVE.
TRY TO KEEP UP. [ CHUCKLES ]

SEE, IT'S
A SCIENTIFIC FACT --

PEOPLE LIKE PAYING
MORE MONEY FOR STUFF.

NOPE. THAT'S NEITHER
SCIENCE NOR FACT.

UH, OKAY.

WELL, I DON'T REALLY CARE
WHAT YOU GUYS THINK.

YOU'RE NOT MY TARGET CUSTOMERS,
'CAUSE LET'S FACE IT --

YOU'RE TARGET CUSTOMERS.
[ CHUCKLES ]

BUT IS
THE STRATEGY WORKING?

HOW ARE SALES?

UMMM...

NOT GOOD.

BUT, YOU KNOW,
DAD SAYS IT'LL TAKE A WHILE

FOR MY NEW RICH CUSTOMERS
TO FIND ME.

THEY'RE PROBABLY BUSY
ON THEIR YACHTS AND STUFF.

OKAY, BUT WHAT WILL YOU DO
IF THEY DON'T FIND YOU?

YOU OWE THE GOVERNMENT
MONEY, RIGHT?

YEAH. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'LL DO.

DON'T WORRY.

WHEN YOU GET TO PRISON,
THEY'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.

WATERPROOF, DOUBLE-STITCHED,
LIFETIME WARRANTY.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?
HMM?

I REALLY DON'T NEED
A SIX-MAN TENT.

I USUALLY CAMP
ON MY OWN.

I'M SORRY, BUT WE'RE
FRESH OUT OF LOSER TENTS.

IT WAS JUST --
JUST A JOKE.

NO WONDER
YOU DON'T HAVE FRIENDS.

MR. ALZATE, UM,
IS MY DAD AROUND?

I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT
MY BUSINESS STRATEGY.

UH, HE'S AT
THE THORNTON STORE.

AND...IF HE ASKS,
I SOLD 30 TENTS TODAY.

THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAKE IT SIX.

UH, EXCUSE ME.
WHERE'S THE THERMAL UNDERWEAR?

WELL, IF YOU REALLY WANT
TO KEEP WARM...

COME HERE.
PICTURE THIS.

YOU AND FIVE OTHER GUYS
CRAMMED INTO THIS THING, HUH?

IT'LL BE LIKE A SAUNA.

YEAH, I'M NOT REALLY
INTO CAMPING.

THAT'S THE FIRST MISCONCEPTION
ABOUT TENTS.

THEY'RE NOT JUST
ABOUT CAMPING.

THIS COULD BE A GREENHOUSE.
IT COULD BE A GUESTHOUSE.

IT COULD BE A DOGHOUSE.

IT COULD BE
A BUTTERFLY PAVILION.

IT'S YOUR TENT.

COME ON. WHY AM I DOING
ALL THE WORK HERE?

I-I DON'T KNOW.

COME ON. STEP IN THERE
AND CHECK IT OUT.

LOOK AT THE WORKMANSHIP.
THERE YOU GO.

WOW, YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT THAT.
[ CHUCKLES ]

YEAH, WHAT YOU ARE WATCHING IS
A MASTER CLASS IN SALESMANSHIP.

I COULD SELL RICE
TO AN ESKIMO.

[ LAUGHS ]

DON'T YOU MEAN ICE
TO AN ESKIMO?

WHY WOULD THEY NEED ICE?
IT'S EVERYWHERE.

HMM.

HEY, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT BRANDING?

I KNOW COWS HATE IT.

I MEAN FOR MY BUSINESS.

SEE, I JUST REDID
MY WEBSITE.
MM.

BUT NOBODY'S BUYING,

AND MY DAD KEEPS TELLING ME
TO BE PATIENT.

YOUR DAD'S
A VERY SMART MAN,

BUT HE PUTS TOO MUCH FAITH
IN THIS INTERNET THING.

NOW, WHAT CUSTOMERS CRAVE
IS THE FACE-TO-FACE DYNAMIC

OF WORKING WITH
AN ATTENTIVE SALES ASSOCIATE.

Man: I-I'M HAVING TROUBLE
GETTING THIS ZIPPER BACK UP.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING
IN THERE, YOUNG MAN,

BUT YOU JUST
BOUGHT YOURSELF A TENT.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

OH. HEY, BUD.

VANESSA.
HEY, DAD.

MIKE.
I THOUGHT I'D STOP BY.

UH,
I WON'T GET TO SEE YOU

BEFORE I HEAD OUT OF TOWN
THIS WEEKEND.

WELL, I AM GLAD
YOU'RE HERE.

UM, MIKE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT YOUR TRIP TO RENO.

NO, I DON'T.

DID YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT
KRISTIN WATCHING THE STORE?

NO, I DIDN'T.

YOU MENTIONED
THAT CHERYL IS MARRIED,

AND MIKE
IS WORRIED ABOUT THAT.

NO, I'M NOT.

I TOLD YOU, MIKE.

KEEP YOUR NOSE
OUT OF MY PRIVATE LIFE.

I'M TRYING TO KEEP MY NOSE
OUT OF YOUR PRIVATE LIFE,

BUT THIS WOMAN HERE
KEEPS SHOVING IT BACK IN.

I HAVE NO PROBLEM
WITH YOU DATING CHERYL.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHO MIGHT HAVE
A PROBLEM WITH IT?

CHERYL'S HUSBAND.

I GOT NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT FROM HIM.

YOU'RE SURE?
ABSOLUTELY.

THE GUY'S IN PRISON.

SEE THERE?
HE'S GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

THEY'VE BOTH MOVED ON.

I UNDERSTAND HE'S ALSO FOUND
A NEW RELATIONSHIP.

MAYBE NOT
100% CONSENSUAL.

BUD, WHAT DID THIS GUY DO
TO END UP IN PRISON?

HE SOLD MARIJUANA.

BEFORE IT WAS LEGAL.
IRONIC.

DAD'S GONNA BE FINE.

IF YOU CAN'T FIND HAPPINESS
IN RENO WITH A MARRIED BOWLER...

WHAT HOPE DO ANY OF US
REALLY HAVE?

HEY, GUYS.
OH, HEY, GRANDPA.
Vanessa: HEY.

MANDY.
Mandy: YEAH?

WHILE I'M HERE, LET ME GIVE YOU
THE KEY TO BUD'S BUDS.

THANK YOU.
Vanessa: WHAT?

WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA!

WE JUST HAD
A CONVERSATION ABOUT THIS!

I DON'T WANT THESE GIRLS
IN THAT STORE!

RELAX, MICHAEL.
I'M MOVING ALL THE WEED OUT.

SHE'S JUST USING THE SPACE
WHILE I'M AWAY.

MM-HMM.
FOR MY MANDY BAXTER STORE.

WISH ME LUCK IN RENO.

IF YOU HAD ANY LUCK,
YOU WOULDN'T BE GOING TO RENO.

MANDY, WHA--
YOU'RE OPENING A RETAIL SPACE?

JUST FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS
WHILE GRANDPA BUD'S OUT OF TOWN.

YEAH, BUT YOU'RE SPENDING MONEY
YOU DON'T HAVE.

TO MAKE MONEY
I DON'T HAVE.

NO, NO, NO.
YEAH!

LISTEN, HONEY,
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT

REBRANDING YOUR PRODUCT TO
A MORE DISCRIMINATING CUSTOMER.

AND I'M SURE THAT PRADA
DOESN'T HAVE POP-UP STORES

IN DENVER'S POT DISTRICT.

OKAY...WELL, I WAS
TALKING WITH MR. ALZATE...

AND YOU BOUGHT 30 TENTS.

HE SAYS THE INTERNET
IS OVERRATED, DAD.

WHA-- [ SIGHS ]
HE RECOMMENDS
BRICKS AND MORTAR.

WELL, I'M WORRIED THE I.R.S.
IS GONNA COME DOWN ON YOU

LIKE A TON
OF BRICKS AND MORTAR.

HONEY...

YOU TOLD ME
TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

WE TRIED YOUR IDEA.
IT CLEARLY DIDN'T WORK.

I THINK
THAT THIS IS THE WAY TO GO.

[ SIGHS ] ALL RIGHT.

IT'S YOUR BUSINESS,
IT'S YOUR DECISION.

[ SIGHS ]

GO WITH YOUR GUT.
UH, MY GUT?

GOSH, JUST BECAUSE
I'M NOT DOING THINGS YOUR WAY

IS NO REASON
TO CALL ME FAT!

[ SIGHS ]
WE NEED MORE CUSTOMERS.

I WISH I KNEW MORE BEAUTIFUL,
YOUNG GIRLS WITHOUT CLOTHES.

I WISH YOU DID, TOO,
KYLE.

HOLD ON.

DIDN'T THIS USED TO BE
A POT STORE?

WE SELL QUALITY
HANDMADE DRESSES AND ROMPERS

FOR THE DISCERNING SHOPPER.

WHAT DID I SMOKE
LAST NIGHT?

HUH?

MAYBE I SHOULD GO OUT FRONT
AND SPIN THE SIGN I MADE.

NO, KYLE.

WE'RE NOT
A DISCOUNT STORE.

REMEMBER, MANDY BAXTER
IS A PREMIUM BRAND.

SORRY. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I WAS THINKING.

ACTUALLY, THAT'S A LIE.

I WAS THINKING
I WANTED TO DANCE WITH A SIGN.

WHAT'S UP, LOSERS?

JUST THOUGHT I'D COME BY

TO SEE HOW YOUR LEMONADE STAND
WAS DOING.

BUSINESS IS...GREAT.

YEAH, I JUST TURNED AWAY
A CUSTOMER.

HMM...

MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP
DOING THAT.

'CAUSE THE SMELL
OF FAILURE IN HERE

IS STRONGER
THAN THE SMELL OF WEED.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA BUY
ANYTHING, THEN JUST GO.

NO, I-I'LL BUY,
IF YOU CUT YOUR PRICES.

I KNOW YOU'RE DESPERATE,
SO I'M HERE TO PICK YOUR BONES.

I STAND BY MY PRICES.

I AM A HIGH-END BRAND,

AND PEOPLE WILL PAY
FOR QUALITY, OKAY?

I LOVE THIS.
THIS IS SO BEAUTIFULLY MADE.

OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH,
DISCERNING SHOPPER.

I'LL TAKE IT
IN A SIZE 8.

[ GASPS ] OH, SSSHOOT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T HAVE AN 8. [ CHUCKLES ]

UH, THEN MAYBE
YOU COULD BUY TWO 4s.

I COULD MAKE YOU AN 8.

IT'LL JUST TAKE
A COUPLE OF DAYS.

IF I WANTED TO WAIT
A FEW DAYS,

I COULD ORDER
SOMETHING ONLINE.

THANKS FOR COMING.
TELL YOUR DISCERNING FRIENDS.

THIS ISN'T WORKING.

I HAVE TO GET
MORE PEOPLE IN HERE.

IF ONLY THERE WAS A WAY
TO...ATTRACT ATTENTION.

GO.
OH, BOY!

OH. [ SIGHS ]

I THINK I SMELL
A DROP IN PRICES. [ CHUCKLES ]

[ SEWING MACHINE WHIRRING ]

HONEY?

HEY, MANDY!
HUH? OH, GOD.

[ SCOFFS ] IT'S PRETTY LATE
TO BE UP SEWING.

ISN'T IT TIME
FOR THE ELVES TO TAKE OVER?

MY ELF HAD TO GO TO
A QUINCEAÑERA.

AREN'T YOU EXHAUSTED?

YOU'VE BEEN WORKING
SO HARD.

WELL, I NEED A BUNCH MORE
OF THESE FOR THE STORE TOMORROW.

I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD TO
HAVE EVERY STYLE IN EVERY SIZE.

WHO DOES THAT?

STORES. [ SIGHS ]

SWEETIE, THE BEAUTY
OF YOUR WEBSITE

WAS THAT YOU MADE THE ORDERS
AS THEY CAME IN.

RIGHT, BUT PEOPLE
STOPPED BUYING THEM.

HAVE YOU LOOKED AT
YOUR WEBSITE RECENTLY?

NO, I'VE BEEN TOO BUSY
SELLING, MOM.

LOOK. LOOK, LOOK,
LOOK, LOOK.

WAIT, DID YOU SEE THIS?
ALL THESE ORDERS?

YEAH, ABOUT 20 MINUTES AGO.
[ CHUCKLES ]

I WOULD HAVE
COME DOWN SOONER, BUT...

"THE GOOD WIFE"
WAS ON, SO...

WHAT?! OH, MY GOD.

AND THEY'RE WILLING TO PAY
THE HIGHER PRICES.

MM-HMM.
HOLY CRAP.

I AM A SUCCESS.
I AM PRADA!

[ CHUCKLES ]
I'M PRADA YOU, TOO, HONEY.

MOM.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

IT JUST TOOK MY CUSTOMERS
A COUPLE DAYS TO FIND ME.

DAD...WAS RIGHT.

YOU KNOW YOUR DAD.

HE NEVER GETS TIRED
OF HEARING THAT.

I GET TIRED
OF TELLING HIM.

[ SIGHS ]
SO IT'S YOUR TURN.

Mandy: YO, DAD!

I'M RIGHT HERE.

HEY. GUESS WHAT.
HI. WHAT'S THAT?

PEOPLE STARTED BUYING FROM
MY WEBSITE, JUST LIKE YOU SAID.

I KNOW.
CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU KNEW?
YEAH.

REALLY?

IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD HAVE
RUSHED DOWNSTAIRS TO GLOAT.

WELL, I'M NOT YOU.

AND I WAS WATCHING
"ICE ROAD TRUCKERS"

AND WAITING FOR
THIS REAL SURPRISING PART

WHERE THEY, UH,
UH, DRIVE ACROSS ICE.

YEAH, WELL...THE POP-UP STORE
WAS A BAD IDEA.

WHY DIDN'T I
JUST LISTEN TO YOU?

UH, BECAUSE
YOU'RE STRONG-WILLED,

UH, YOU LIKE
DOING THINGS YOUR WAY,

'CAUSE TO YOU,
LIFE IS JUST

A BANISTER YOU WANT
TO STICK YOUR HEAD IN.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WELL, SORRY.

BUSINESS IS
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE.

YOU'RE NOT
AN EXPERT YET.

THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS ABOUT
BUSINESS THAT CAN'T BE TAUGHT.

HMM. I KNOW -- ALGEBRA.

ALGEBRA CAN BE TAUGHT.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
A WORK ETHIC.

YOU HAD TO WORK REALLY HARD
TO SCREW UP THIS BAD.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YEAH, I DID, DIDN'T I?

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU WORK HARD AT STUFF,
YOU FAIL, AND YOU GET BACK UP.

YOU LEARN FROM IT.

AND PRETTY SOON,

YOU WON'T BE TAKING ADVICE
FROM OLD PEOPLE.

YOU'RE NOT OLD.

I WAS TALKING ABOUT ED!

HEY, MIKE BAXTER HERE
FOR OUTDOOR MAN

WITH A LITTLE LESSON
ABOUT HELP.

TELL ME WHEN, MR. B.

ALL RIGHT, READY?

[ BEEP ]
GO.

NOW, DO YOU WANT
SOME HELP WITH THAT?

UH, YEAH.
YOU CAN GIVE ME A HAND --

NO, YOU DON'T WANT
ANY HELP WITH THAT.

YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE HELP
IS NOT ALWAYS HELPFUL.

SOMETIMES, HELP
IS JUST CALLED ENABLING.

DEMOCRATS LOVE
ENABLING POOR PEOPLE.

AND IT SEEMS
TO HAVE WORKED

BECAUSE TAKING
THE GOVERNMENT'S MONEY

IS MORE POPULAR THAN EVER.

IN HIS SECOND INAUGURAL ADDRESS,
LINCOLN SAID,

"WE SHOULD TAKE CARE OF
WIDOWS AND ORPHANS."

NOW, THAT MAKES SENSE.

BUT WHAT ABOUT RICH WIDOWS?

AND EVERY ORPHAN
ISN'T OLIVER TWIST.

SOME, LIKE THE MENENDEZ
BROTHERS, ARE SELF-MADE ORPHANS.

I SAY WE ONLY HELP THOSE
WHO CAN'T HELP THEMSELVES.

HELP!
HELP YOURSELF.

IF THE PERSON
DOESN'T REALLY NEED HELP,

YOU'RE CHEATING THEM
OUT OF THE PRIDE THEY'LL FEEL

WHEN THEY SUCCEED
ON THEIR OWN.

I DID IT. [ PANTING ]

I DID IT, MR. B.
[ BEEP ]

AND THERE YOU GO --

A PERSONAL BEST.
THANKS FOR NOT HELPING.

YEAH, IT WAS THE LEAST
I COULD NOT DO.