Last Man Standing (2011–…): Season 3, Episode 22 - Mutton Busting - full transcript

"LAST MAN STANDING"
IS RECORDED

IN FRONT OF A LIVE
STUDIO AUDIENCE.

OH, WOW. HEY.
WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO DRESSED UP?

OH, WE ARE TAKING BOYD TO SEE
HIS FIRST SHAKESPEARE PLAY.

OH, HE'S 7. PSHH.

ISN'T HE A LITTLE YOUNG
FOR "HAMLET"?

NOPE. THIS VERSION'S CUT DOWN
TO 15 MINUTES,

AND EVERYBODY BUT OPHELIA
IS PLAYED BY A SOCK PUPPET.

HE ACTUALLY MIGHT BE
TOO OLD FOR THIS.

WELL, DAD'S TAKING BOYD
TO THE RODEO NEXT WEEK,

AND WE ARE JUST TRYING
TO BALANCE IT OUT.



MY PREDICTION --
RODEO WINS.

YEE-HAW!

[ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD!
WHAT HAPPENED, HONEY?

I FELL OFF MY BIKE.
ARE -- ARE YOU OKAY?

I THOUGHT I WAS.
OH --

I TOLD HIM HE WAS FINE.
DON'T GIVE HIM ANY OPTIONS.

UH, HOW COULD HE
FALL OFF HIS BIKE

IF IT HAS
TRAINING WHEELS, MIKE?

'CAUSE I TOOK THEM OFF.

IF YOU'RE NOT FALLING,
YOU'RE NOT LEARNING.

YEAH, YOU KNOW
WHAT ELSE YOU'RE NOT DOING?

FALLING. OKAY?

DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD?

NO. HE HIT HIS KNEE.
DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD?



OKAY. COME ON.
LET'S GO GET YOU CLEANED UP.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH KIDS GETTING HURT.

THAT'S WHY WE HAD
FOUR DAUGHTERS.

YOU HAD
AN OLDER SISTER,

BUT SHE JUST KEPT RUNNING
AROUND THE HOUSE WITH SCISSORS.

OKAY, DAD, WE DON'T WANT BOYD
TAKING ANY RISKS.

HE'S GOING THROUGH
A CLUMSY PHASE.

IF HE DOESN'T TRY
DOING THINGS HE'S BAD AT,

HE'LL NEVER BE
GREAT AT ANYTHING.

RYAN UNDERSTANDS.

YOU'RE CANADIAN.

HOCKEY, BACON,
CELINE DION.

DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP GOING?
'CAUSE I WILL.

ACTUALLY, I DO,
'CAUSE I THINK THAT'S IT.

HERE HE IS!
GOOD AS NEW.

AND IF ANY
OF HIS CLASSMATES ASK,

HE GOT THAT FIGHTING NINJAS.

I THINK
WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY

IS THAT SOMEONE SHOULDN'T
BE RIDING THEIR BIKE WITHOUT
THEIR TRAINING WHEELS.

NO,
THE HEADLINE HERE IS,

HE GOT ALMOST ALL THE WAY DOWN
TO LARABEE'S HOUSE

WITHOUT
THE TRAINING WHEELS.

REALLY?
HE GOT THAT FAR?
YEAH.

YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY,
I'M NOT SURPRISED.

IN COLLEGE I USED TO RIDE
A UNICYCLE TO CLASS.

A LOT OF EYES
ON THIS GUY.

I BET YOU SURE MISS
CLOWN COLLEGE.

UH, HONEY, WE TALKED
ABOUT THIS, OKAY?

BOYD IS
JUST NOT READY.

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, MOM.
I'M NOT READY.

LET'S GO SEE THE SAD PLAY
THAT I WON'T UNDERSTAND.

DAD, I NEED YOUR WORD.

NO MORE BIKE RIDES
WITHOUT TRAINING WHEELS.

THE ONLY REASON
I'M DO--
NO, MIKE. YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'VE HAD OUR SAY.

AND AS USUAL, YOU HAVE HAD
BOTH OF OUR SAYS.

NOW IT'S TIME TO LET
THEM GO WATCH A TUBE
SOCK CONTEMPLATE SUICIDE.

ALL RIGHT.
YOU HAVE MY WORD.

NO MORE RIDING BIKES
WITHOUT TRAINING WHEELS.

WELL, DOES THAT LOOK LIKE FUN?
DO YOU WANT TO DO THAT?

I SURE DO, MR. B.

KYLE.
I'M TALKING TO THE KID.

RIGHT.

-- Captions by VITAC --

AND THE ANSWER IS?

I GOT "X" EQUALS -7.

CORRECT.
[ CHUCKLES ]

FIVE POINTS
FOR GRYFFINDOR!

NOW I'LL TEACH YOU GUYS A TRICK
FOR MULTIPLYING FACTORIALS.

I NEED A VISUAL AID.

JUSTIN, CAN YOU GRAB US
EIGHT BOTTLES OF SODA?

YEAH, SURE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

THANK YOU, JUSTIN.

OH, AND, UH, ONE POINT
FOR SLYTHERIN.

WILL YOU GO TO PROM
WITH ME?

WHAT? NO. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND,
AND HE'S 20 FEET AWAY.

YEAH, I KNOW. I CALCULATED.
I GOT ABOUT 12 SECONDS.

SO, CAN I PICK YOU UP
AT LIKE 6:00?

I TOLD YOU.
I'M NOT INTERESTED.

BUT LOOK AT
HOW CUTE WE'D BE TOGETHER.

WHOA.

WHY ARE WE IN PARIS?

WHY IS THE SKY RED?

I FACTORED IN
CLIMATE CHANGE.

THE FUTURE'S BLEAK.

THAT'S WHY WE SHOULD LIVE
IN LOVE NOW!

ANYWAY, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE
LEFT WITH THE VARIABLE "Y."

[ CHUCKLES LIGHTLY ]

WHY, EVE? WHY?

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

I'M GONNA GET THE DOOR.
[ SIGHS ]

DID YOU ASK EVE OUT AGAIN
WHILE I WAS IN THE KITCHEN?

WHY? ARE YOU GUYS HAVING
PROBLEMS?

HEY.

HEY.
I'M HERE TO GET BOYD.

MY DAD TOOK HIM
TO OUTDOOR MAN.

I REALLY WISH
MIKE HAD TOLD ME THAT.

YEAH.

HE WAS GONNA CALL YOU,
BUT THEN HE THOUGHT, "EH."

WAIT. THEY DIDN'T TAKE
BOYD'S BIKE, DID THEY?

NO. THEY DROVE.
IT'S LIKE 10 MILES, DUDE.

[ SIGHS ] WHAT IS HE DOING?
KRISTIN'S GONNA KILL ME.

Eve! Eve!

Andrew,
what are you doing?

Shh! Justin thinks
I'm in the kitchen.

SO, PROM?
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

HEY, DO YOU WANT ANYTHING?
ANDREW'S IN THE KITCHEN.

HE'S HOLDING ON GOOD.
LOOK AT THAT.

SEE?

OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
ALL RIGHT.

LOOK. HE'S POPPING BACK UP
AND GETTIN' RIGHT BACK ON.

YOU WANT TO BE
JUST LIKE HIM.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
THAT'S NOT YOUR SHEEP!

MUTTON HEAD.
GET OUT OF HERE.

ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE UP NEXT, BOYD.

GOOD DEAL. JUST HOLD ON.
HAVE SOME FUN.

BOYD.
HI, DAD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
MIKE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WHAT AM I DOING?

I PROMISED NO MORE BIKES
WITHOUT TRAINING WHEELS.

I SAID NOTHING
ABOUT ROBOT SHEEP.

OKAY, BOYD, COME ON DOWN
FROM THERE. I DON'T WANT
YOU TO HURT YOURSELF.

KYLE,
DON'T TAKE HIM DOWN.
KYLE, TAKE HIM DOWN.

AWKWARD MOMENT
INVOLVING A SHEEP.

I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE.

SEE, YOU CAN'T KEEP TELLING BOYD
HE'S NOT GOOD AT THINGS.

HE'S GONNA START
LISTENING TO YOU.

HE'S NOT AS GOOD AS I AM
ABOUT TUNING YOU OUT.

DAD, CAN I
PLEASE TRY THE SHEEP?

LISTEN. HE RODE A BIKE FOR
ALMOST HALF A BLOCK WITHOUT
THE TRAINING WHEELS.

OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
YEAH?

BUT ON
THE LOWEST SETTING, KYLE.

[ SIGHS ]

LOOK AT THAT.
HUH?

I'M DOING IT.
WHOOPS!

HOLY CRAP!
BOYD, DON'T TRY TO MOVE!

I'M OKAY.
BUT I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

I AM
NOT GOOD AT THIS.

Mike: YOU CAN'T STOP LIFE
FROM KNOCKING KIDS DOWN.

THE BEST WE CAN DO
IS HELP THEM TO GET BACK UP.

YOU WANT TO GIVE IT
ANOTHER TRY?

THERE YOU GO.
ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, HANG ON BOYD.

I'M CRANKING IT
ALL THE WAY TO "TROT".

LOOK.
HE'S DOING IT.

WAY TO GO, BOYD!
WAVE!

THAT'S PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA.
HE'LL -- NO.

OH! SORRY!
OH, MY BAD!

HOP UP.
LET'S GO, KID. COME ON.

THIS TIME, TRY TO
JUST SQUEEZE YOUR LEGS
AROUND THE ANIMAL THERE.

ALL RIGHT.

THERE YOU GO. SEE THAT?
H-HOLD ON.

HE'S DOING GOOD.

YEAH, HE IS. I-I TRY TO GET HIM
TO NOT GIVE UP ON THINGS,

BUT KRISTIN'S
SO STUBBORN.

SO YOU JUST GIVE UP?

YEAH.

WELL, TAKE A LESSON FROM
YOUR KID. STICK TO YOUR GUNS.

OR...THE U.N. OR WHATEVER YOU
LIBERALS USE TO DEFEND YOURSELF.

WOW,
LOOK AT THAT.
Mike: HUH?

THAT KID'S SCREWED ON THERE
LIKE A TICK.

THE MIRACLES OF
MICROENGINEERING.

OH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW, OUR STORE
IS SPONSORING MUTTON BUSTING

AT THE RODEO
THIS WEEKEND.

MM-HMM.

YOU KNOW, UH, IF BOYD CAN
RIDE THAT LAMB-DROID, I BET
HE CAN RIDE THE REAL THING.

HMM?

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HIM
GET A TROPHY.

OH, HE -- HE'S GOT
PLENTY OF TROPHIES.

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE KIND
YOU GET FOR JUST SHOWING UP.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
THE KIND OF TROPHY THEY GIVE YOU

WHEN YOU'RE BETTER AT THINGS
THAN OTHER PEOPLE.

HE DOES NOT HAVE
ONE OF THOSE.

YEAH, WE COULD USE
A KID LIKE BOYD.

LAST YEAR, THE SHEEP
WERE THROWING KIDS OFF

LIKE -- LIKE TICKS SHEDDING
THEIR -- THEIR OUTER SKIN.

ALL RIGHT, IT WAS TICK WEEK
ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL.

MIKE, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT CONVINCING KRISTIN.

A-A REAL SHEEP HAS GOT
TO BE MORE DANGEROUS
THAN THIS ONE, RIGHT?

NO, NO, NO, NO.

ONLY IN ONE RESPECT.

TICKS?

FORGET SHARKS.
FORGET GRIZZLY BEARS.

TICKS ARE
THE PERFECT KILLING MACHINE.

ARE THEY REALLY?
UH-HUH.

THE PERFECT KILLING MACHINE,
AND YET YOU CAN STOP THEM

BY TUCKING YOUR PANTS
INTO YOUR SOCKS.

UGH.
I'M DONE WITH MEN.

WELL, IT'S A GOOD CHOICE,
BECAUSE WE ARE THE WORST.

Vanessa:
[ CHUCKLES ]

HONEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
IS ANDREW STILL BUGGING
YOU TO GO OUT WITH HIM?

YEAH,
BUT THAT'S SO CONSTANT,

I'VE TUNED IT OUT LIKE
THE HUM OF THE REFRIGERATOR.

THE REFRIGERATOR
DOESN'T HUM.

OH. NOW THAT'S
GONNA DRIVE ME CRAZY.

I LIKE THIS ANDREW.
I REALLY DO.

HE KIND OF REMINDS ME
OF RICHARD NIXON.

REALLY?

YOU MET ANDREW ONCE,

AND YOU PAY HIM
YOUR HIGHEST COMPLIMENT?

NIXON WAS A GO-GETTER.
HE COURTED PAT FOR YEARS.

SHE KEPT SAYING NO.
HE JUST WORE HER DOWN.
HE'S NOT A QUITTER.

YEP.
RIGHT UP UNTIL HE RESIGNED.

I'M TALKING
ABOUT JUSTIN, OKAY?

I TOLD HIM I WOULD GO TO PROM
WITH HIM ON SATURDAY,

BUT HE WANTS ME
TO WEAR A DRESS.

OKAY. I WANT TO BE ANGRY FOR
YOU, BUT YOU'RE JUST GONNA --

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GIVE ME
MORE TO WORK WITH.

OKAY. SO, J-ROTSEE CADETS
ARE ALLOWED TO WEAR THEIR
FORMAL UNIFORMS, RIGHT?

RIGHT, OKAY.

JUSTIN'S WEARING HIS,
BUT HE TOLD ME I CAN'T.

WHAT? YOU WANT TO WEAR YOUR
LITTLE SOLDIER COSTUME TO PROM?

NO! COME ON!

YOU'RE THERE TO TURN HEADS,
NOT BLOW THEM OFF.

I SAY CUT THIS GUY LOOSE.

IT'S NOT JUSTIN'S JOB
TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO

EXCEPT DURING SQUAD DRILLS

WHEN HIS JOB IS
TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.

AND CALL ME "MAGGOT,"
WHICH I ACTUALLY
PREFER TO "BABE."

HE CALLS YOU "BABE"?

WHAT A MAGGOT.

I JUST HATE TO SEE YOU
MISS OUT ON YOUR FIRST PROM

OVER A SILLY THING
LIKE THIS.

NO, COME ON.
IT'S NOT SILLY.

I MEAN, AS MUCH AS I'D
LIKE TO SEE EVE GO TO PROM,

I LIKE THAT SHE'S
STANDING UP FOR HERSELF.

[ SMOOCHES ]

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
I THINK I AGREE, YOU KNOW?

YOU DON'T WANT TO
GO THROUGH LIFE

WITH A MAN
BOSSING YOU AROUND.

TELL THEM I'M RIGHT,
VANESSA.

HE'S RIGHT. BELIEVE ME.
YOU DO NOT WANT THAT.

THANK YOU,
MAGGOT.

OH. YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY,
UM, I PREFER "BABE."

ALL RIGHT.
[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW WHAT?
DAD'S RIGHT.

SCREW JUSTIN.
I'LL JUST SKIP THE STUPID DANCE.

Mandy: YEAH.

HEY, IS THAT
YOUR FRIEND ANDREW,

OR IS RACHEL MADDOW
IN OUR YARD?

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

AND HOW DID YOU
GET INTO MY BACKYARD?

[ SIGHS ]
I JUST JUMPED THE FENCE.

[ Chuckling ]
HEY, I-I JUMPED A FENCE.

AWW, I'VE HAD BOYFRIENDS
JUMP THAT FENCE,

BUT USUALLY HE WAS RUNNING
THE OTHER DIRECTION

WITH MY DAD CHASING HIM.

YOU WANT ME TO GO?
OKAY.

LOOK, EVE.

I READ YOUR FACEBOOK POST
ABOUT YOUR FIGHT WITH JUSTIN.

IF YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME,
YOU CAN WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T CARE.
I'LL WEAR THE DRESS.

THAT'S -- THAT'S
NOT A SELLING POINT, ANDREW,

NO. DON'T SAY NO.
JUST THINK ABOUT IT.

WE CAN TALK LATER.

A-ACTUALLY, CAN I
GO THROUGH YOUR HOUSE?

I CAN'T JUMP OVER
THAT FENCE AGAIN.

I DON'T WANT TO RISK
LOSING SOMETHING I MIGHT
NEED SATURDAY NIGHT.

THAT'S GROSS.

OH, OH, I W-- I WAS TALKING
ABOUT MY WALLET.

OH, HEY.
LISTEN, BUDDY.

UM, LET'S NOT TELL MOMMY
ABOUT RIDING THE SHEEP, OKAY?

IS IT A SECRET?

NO. IT'S NOT A SECRET.

I JUST WANT TO
TALK TO HER FIRST.

OKAY.
OKAY.

HEY, HON!

I WAS RIDING A SHEEP!

BOYD.

I LET YOU
TALK TO HER FIRST.

I'M SORRY.
YOU LET HIM ON A SHEEP?

AT OUTDOOR MAN.
IT WAS JUST A MECHANICAL ONE.

I'M RIDING A REAL ONE
ON SATURDAY!

YOU ARE REALLY NOT HELPING ME
OUT HERE, DUDE.

WAIT.
MUTTON BUSTING?

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
NO, NO, NO, HONEY.

YOU -- YOU ARE NOT READY
FOR MUTTON BUSTING.

BUT EVERYBODY SAID
I WAS GOOD ENOUGH.

WHO'S EVERYBODY?

DAD, GRANDPA,

THE OLD BALD MAN
WHO LIKES TICKS.

WHY DON'T YOU
GO WASH UP, BUDDY?

SO, THIS WAS
MY FATHER'S IDEA.

YES. BUT FOR ONCE,
I ACTUALLY AGREE WITH HIM.

YOU KNOW, IT'LL BE GOOD
FOR BOYD'S CONFIDENCE.

HE'LL WALK WITH A LITTLE MORE
SPRING IN HIS STEP.

BECAUSE OF
THE COMPOUND FRACTURE.

HE WILL EITHER WIN,

OR HE'LL GET PRACTICE
DEALING WITH NOT WINNING,

WHICH WILL BE A WIN.

AND IF IT'S NOT, HE'LL
GET PRACTICE DEALING
WITH THE NOT WINNING,

WHICH WILL ALSO BE A WIN, SO
IT'S LIKE A WIN-WIN-WIN-WIN-WIN?

OKAY, LOOK, I KNOW EVERYBODY
THINKS THAT I'M OVERREACTING,

BUT BOYD IS JUST NOT COORDINATED
ENOUGH, SO I AM SAYING NO.

UNILATERALLY?

YES. I'M THE MOM.

THEN WHAT AM I
EVEN DOING HERE?

AT THE MOMENT, YOU'RE LOSING
AN ARGUMENT. [ CHUCKLES ]

I'M SURE YOU COULD TWIST IT
AROUND AND MAKE IT A WIN.

[ CHUCKLES ]

NO,
I-I'M BEING SERIOUS.

AM I JUST
YOUR LIVE-IN BOYFRIEND,

OR AM I BOYD'S CO-PARENT
AND YOUR EQUAL PARTNER?

WE ARE TOTALLY EQUAL.
I AM JUST ALSO THE TIE-BREAKER.

WELL, IT FEELS LIKE
I HAVE NO STATUS HERE.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M NOT DOWN WITH THAT ANYMORE.

I'VE WAITED LONG
ENOUGH, KRIS. I WANT US
TO BE AN ACTUAL FAMILY.

MOMMY, I KNOW I'M CLUMSY,
BUT I WANT TO RIDE THE SHEEP.

YOU ARE NOT CLUMSY, BUDDY.
YOU DID REALLY GREAT TODAY.

I AM SURE YOU DID,
OKAY?

AND I --
I WANT TO SAY YES. I DO.

BUT...I-I'M SCARED.

I'M NOT SCARED, MOMMY.

NEITHER AM I.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

DID YOU NOT HEAR
THE DOORBELL?

I THOUGHT
IT WAS ON THE TV.

THEY'RE SKIING.

HEY.
HEY.

CAN WE TALK?

UH, DEPENDS.

ARE YOU GONNA DEMAND
I PUT ON SOME SPECIAL
"WE'RE TALKING" DRESS?

NO.
WHAT YOU'RE WEARING'S FINE.

LOOK.
I'M SORRY WE HAD THAT FIGHT.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUSHED YOU
ABOUT WEARING A STUPID DRESS.

THANKS.
THAT MEANS A LOT TO ME.

ALTHOUGH I STILL DON'T GET
WHAT THE BIG DEAL WAS.

[ SIGHS ]
THE DEAL IS THAT YOU THINK

YOU'RE ALLOWED
TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

BUT I CAN'T --
I GET THAT NOW,

WHICH IS WHY I'M LETTING YOU
WEAR YOUR UNIFORM.

[ Chuckling ] OHH...

SO YOU'RE LETTING ME.
WOW.

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
THANKS SO MUCH.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

DO YOU COME FROM A PLANET
WITH NO SARCASM?

OR ONE WHERE IT'S OKAY

TO TALK OVER "REAL HOUSEWIVES
OF BEVERLY HILLS"?

AH-AHEM!

ALL RIGHT.
LET'S JUST TAKE THIS OUT HERE.

WAS THAT SARCASM?
[ SIGHS ]

HEY. WHAT'S GOING ON?
I HEARD THE DOORBELL.

OH, NO.
THAT WAS JUST ON THE TV.

THEY'RE SKIING.

EVE AND JUSTIN
ARE OUT ON THE PORCH.

OH.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
JUST SOME LIGHT PORCH STUFF.

I THOUGHT THOSE TWO
WERE FIGHTING.

AH, WELL, I GUESS THEY GOT
TO THE MAKING-UP PART.

OH. WELL, THAT'S --
THAT'S UNSETTLING.

[ CHUCKLES LIGHTLY ]

MOM,
THEY'RE JUST KISSING.

NO, NO, UH,

M-MR. YEKEKIAN IS WATCHING
FROM HIS BEDROOM WINDOW.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

Ed: ALL RIGHT, NEXT EVENT
WILL BE MUTTON BUSTING,

SPONSORED BY YOUR FRIENDS
AT OUTDOOR MAN.

BUT FIRST,
A LITTLE NOTICE HERE.

UH, MR. WALKER PICKERING,
PLEASE TALK TO EVENT OFFICIALS.

APPARENTLY,
YOUR MOTHER HAS DIED.

OKAY. LET'S GET GOING!
LET'S GET GOING HERE!

COME ON!
COME ON!

ARE WE SURE
THIS IS OKAY FOR BOYD?

RIDING A SHEEP
IS BASICALLY RIDING A SWEATER.

HE'LL BE FINE.
HE'LL BE FINE.

PLEASE, PLEASE
TELL ME HE WILL BE FINE.

[ CHUCKLES ] YEAH.
HE WILL BE FINE.

UNLESS IT'S THE SHEEP
THAT KILLED MRS. PICKERING.

OH,
STOP IT.

FIRST UP, WE HAVE HOLLY WEXLER

RIDING THE GOOD SHEEP LOLLIPOP.

HOLLY IS 6,
AND SHE LIKES DOGS AND PIZZA.

OKAY, HOLLY.
SOUNDS
KIND OF SOFT TO ME.

I THINK BOYD'S
GONNA MOP THE CORRAL WITH HER.

HERE SHE COMES.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ CROWD GROANS ]

ALL RIGHT.
NICE RIDE, HOLLY.

NEXT TIME. GAME GIRL.

OKAY.
THE NEXT BUCKAROO UP --

RIDING SHEEP-WRECK
IS LITTLE MYRON MENDELBAUM.

HE LIKES STRAY CATS AND ROPE.

SOMEONE SHOULD CHECK
THAT KID'S BASEMENT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ CROWD GROANS ]
OHH,
LOOK AT THAT.

OH, NO.
ALL RIGHT, MYRON.
SORRY.
GOOD TRY, MYRON!

NEXT UP IS BOYD BAXTER...

HEY!

...RIDING...

GARY.

HE'LL EITHER WIN,

OR HE'LL LEARN A VALUABLE LESSON
IN NOT QUITTING.

AND MAYBE DEVELOP
A LIFELONG FEAR OF SHEEP.

MM.

AND IF THAT FEAR
KEEPS HIM UP AT NIGHT,

HE WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO COUNT
TO FALL BACK TO SLEEP.

ISN'T ONE RODEO CLOWN
ENOUGH?

HMM?

RELAX, BOYD.

RIDING A SHEEP
IS JUST LIKE RIDING A BIKE.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO RIDE A BIKE.

THAT'S WHY
I'M RIDING A SHEEP.

WOW.

I JUST CANNOT SEEM
TO ESCAPE AWKWARDNESS
AROUND THESE ANIMALS.

OH.
I CAN'T WATCH.
HERE HE COMES.

I CAN'T...
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

Ryan:
THERE -- GO, BOYD!

GO!
LOOK!
GO, BOYD!

WHOO! WHOO!
YEAH!

WELL, YOU WON'T SEE THAT
ON ESPN.
[ CHUCKLES ]

IT'S ALL ABOUT LeBRON.

[ LAUGHS ]
GOOD JOB, BOYD.

THAT SHEEP
WILL REMEMBER THIS DAY

AS BEING VERY
[bleating] BA-A-A-D.

[ LAUGHS ]

TRY TO RESPECT
THE RODEO.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

HEY, THAT'S MY KID!

KING OF THE SHEEP!
SUCK IT, GARY!

SUCK IT!

WHAT?! OH, YEAH!

YOU MIGHT SEE THAT
ON ESPN.

I WON! I WON!

I WON, I WON,
I WON!

[ LAUGHS ]

BUT REMEMBER, BUDDY, LOSING
IS JUST AS GOOD AS WINNING.

AREN'T THOSE THE LYRICS
TO THE CANADIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM?

[ SMOOCHES ] IF HE CAN RIDE
A SHEEP, HE CAN RIDE A BIKE.

YEAH, BUT THE GOOD THING
ABOUT A BIKE --

IT DOESN'T DIE IF YOU LEAVE IT
IN THE GARAGE ALL WINTER.

ALL RIGHT, DAD.
I CONCEDE, OKAY?

HE CAN RIDE HIS BIKE
WITHOUT THE TRAINING WHEELS.

I DON'T CARE.
I'M STILL GONNA BUY HIM A SHEEP.

[ GASPS ]

WOW!

LOOK!
I MADE A GIRL!

WHAT ARE YOU
ALL DRESSED UP FOR?

THE RODEO'S OVER.

IT ONLY TOOK TWO HOURS,
BUT WE FINALLY LOOK RELATED.

HONEY, I THOUGHT YOU DECIDED YOU
WEREN'T GONNA GO TO THE PROM.

I DIDN'T LIKE BEING TOLD
WHAT TO WEAR,

BUT I REALIZED
I DID WANT TO GO.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

I'M GONNA GET
THE CAMERA.
OKAY, OKAY.

UM, YEAH, I'M -- I'M SO GLAD
YOU'RE GOING,

BUT I DON'T LIKE
THAT YOU CAVED IN TO JUSTIN.

HI. I'M HERE
TO PICK UP EVE.

EVE, NIXON'S HERE.

WOW.

UH, HONEY.
UM, JUST, I'M...CONFUSED.

I MEAN, I SAW YOU ON THE PORCH
WITH JUSTIN. I-I...

OH, I'M KEEPING
MY OPTIONS OPEN.

I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT.

NEITHER ONE OF THESE GUYS
ARE GONNA END UP MR. EVE BAXTER.

HEY. I --
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

I MEAN, GINNY WEASLEY
DIDN'T THINK

SHE WAS GONNA END UP
WITH HARRY POTTER, EITHER.

DAD, WE'RE LEAVING.

HEY.
BEFORE YOU GUYS TAKE OFF,

HOW ABOUT YOU AND I TAKE
A LITTLE TOUR OF MY GUN CABINET?

HE'S ALREADY TERRIFIED
OF ME.

IT'S TRUE.
I HURLED A LOT ON THE WAY HERE.

CHANCES FOR A KISS
JUST WENT FROM 1% TO ZERO.

WHAT ABOUT ONE MORE?
GET TOGETHER --

OKAY,
THAT'S IT.
LOOK LIKE --
LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HAVING FUN.

HAVE A GOOD TIME.
THERE YOU GO.

ENJOY YOURSELVES.
ALL RIGHT.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!

TAKE CARE OF HER.
TAKE CARE OF HER, ALL RIGHT?

THAT KID SWEATS
LIKE NIXON.

I AM SO PROUD OF EVE STANDING UP
FOR HERSELF LIKE THAT.

YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.

SHE FIGURED OUT WHAT SHE WANTED,
AND SHE WENT FOR IT.

IN A WAY,
I DID, TOO.

MOM, I HAVE
SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

[ CHUCKLES ]

AND, MIKE,
I HAVE TO THANK YOU

FOR HELPING ME
WORK ON MY PERSISTENCE.

DON'T THANK ME.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO THANK ME.
I HUNG IN THERE
WITH KRIS...

THERE YOU GO.
...AND NOW WE ARE,
UH...

Vanessa and Kristin:
OH, MY GOD!

[ SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY ]

Vanessa:
I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

I TOLD KRIS FIRMLY THAT I WANTED
TO GET MARRIED, AND SHE AGREED.

AND IT'S
ALL THANKS TO YOU...

DAD.

I -- I JUST WANTED THE KID
TO LEARN HOW TO RIDE A BIKE.