Las Vegas (2003–2008): Season 4, Episode 7 - Meatball Montecito - full transcript
After the kidnapping, Delinda is mean to Danny, who can't believe she even bags on his dancing. The $1,000,000 wedding package nobody expected to run is actually ordered. It includes singing by Wayne Newyton, who refuses since a bitter golf dispute with Ed. To Danny's horror the guest list includes 50 New Jersey mobsters, yet a diamond theft may not be their work. Sam hosts terminal socialite Sharkey Rosenthal, who partied with the big stars. Future MIT student Leo Pedowitz turns losing his virginity into a questionable business.
Morning.
Mmm.
What time is it?
It's almost 8:00.
I have to get to work.
Come on. Hey, hey, hey!
Just relax.
Don't you think you might be jumping
back into work a little bit too fast?
What do you mean?
After the kidnapping, I think it's a
fair excuse to take a few personal days.
Maybe see someone.
What does that mean?
Like a shrink, a counselor,
someone you can talk to
about the stress
of what happened.
I know a guy.
It's the guy that I talked
to when I came back from lraq.
I'm fine. What am I supposed to do?
Stay home and cry?
That's not what I'm saying.
It's just, you know...
(DELlNDA SCREAMS)
What?
Damn it!
How many times have I
told you to put the seat down?
Well, maybe you should look
before you sit next time.
I hope you flushed!
You know, if we're gonna live together,
there's a couple of things
we need to get worked out.
You know, that's a great
idea. Hold on one sec.
You keep a list?
No, no. Just a few thoughts,
so I don't forget.
I was gonna bring
this up before,
but then you were buried alive
and I didn't want to be insensitive.
What's on the list, Danny?
You know what?
We can talk about this some other time.
No, no, no, no.
What's on the list?
It's silly, stupid stuff.
Like...
Like... Like what?
Like this, for example.
Lipstick on the drinking glass.
You know, you have to
manually scrub that off
before you put it
in the dishwasher.
Ah. What else?
Well...
I don't know if you grew up
with maids or whatever,
but you shouldn't just take off your
panties and throw them on the floor.
Only I can take off your
panties and throw them on the floor.
Which I'm totally
available for right now.
No, I don't think so.
'Cause I have a list, too!
Great! What's on your list?
Well, I don't have it
on me right now.
This is totally informal.
Anything you've got.
You can't dance.
Excuse me?
That's just not true.
I'm a fantastic dancer.
And l...
You look ridiculous when you dance,
Danny. It's embarrassing.
Okay, you know,
I'm talking about things in the home.
This is not an opportunity
for you to just bash me.
What are you talking about,
"embarrassing"?
I don't want to have this
conversation right now.
No, you're the one that
opened up the door here.
I happen to be
an amazing dancer.
Okay? Maybe you just don't understand
what I'm doing when I'm up there.
(SCREAMS)
Get back here!
You knew the seat was up.
Get back here!
You knew the seat was up!
Can I help you?
Yeah, is that the Omnivu
hi-rex color dome?
No, we still use
Cantek 235 D's.
You guys gotta upgrade.
Get with the times.
Yeah.
You use the RFlD scanners?
We do.
At least you got that right.
Thanks. Mike Cannon.
Leo Pedowitz.
Are you here
with the class trip?
Yeah, yeah. My high school offered
to take a bunch of students to see UNLV,
so I thought I'd come.
But you're not interested
in UNLV?
I actually got into MlT early.
Just don't say anything.
For a fellow Beaver,
my lips are sealed.
Oh! You went to MlT
and you're working
in security?
So, if you're not looking
at UNLV, why are you here?
I can't speak for
the rest of my class,
but I have no intention of
going to college a virgin.
Know what I mean?
The kid's here to get laid.
Hey, boss. You got a sec?
Hey. What's up?
Somebody just ordered the
million-dollar wedding extravaganza.
What's that?
It's a promotional thing
we put together a few years ago.
I didn't think
anybody'd do it.
I mean, a million bucks
for a wedding?
What exactly do you get
for a million bucks?
For $1 million, you get a fully-catered
wedding for up to 300 people.
A consultant from Harry Winston
comes out to help you pick out
a six-carat diamond,
you get massages
and bathrobes,
and Wayne Newton sings.
Wayne Newton?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.
I know you guys had some kind of,
like, a problem a little while back,
but that's all in
the past, right?
No, it is not in the past.
Yeah, I know, 'cause I just got a call from
his people saying he refuses to perform
unless you personally
apologize.
Well, then you better
get somebody else.
No apology?
I'm sorry. Get someone else.
What's up?
Hey. Top of the morning.
Let me ask you a question.
Sure.
And I want you to
answer honestly here.
Okay.
Do you consider me
to be a bad dancer?
In what sense?
In the sense that I look
unusual when I dance
(EXHALES)
Forget I asked.
You're unconventional, yes.
I mean, come on, man.
When Cowboy Troy was here
and you were playing
chicken with the train...
You could have told me!
It wasn't my place.
Besides, you never asked.
You know what? If it's so embarrassing,
next time we're all out,
guess what? I ain't dancing.
How's that?
Okay.
I just don't understand.
Do you want me to teach you
how to dance?
Okay, so the black guy's gonna teach
the white guy how to dance? No thanks.
It's not a race thing.
That's okay.
It just so happens
you can't dance, I can,
you're my buddy, I want to help you out.
All right?
Ain't nothing to it,
but to do it. So get up.
No.
Come on.
No.
Let's dance.
Stop that.
Let me show you a couple of things.
Come on, Danny.
We're gonna start with up rock, right?
Something easy,
nothing too hard.
We go side to side.
Side to side!
This is easy, this is easy!
Then a little
shoulder action.
Yeah, then you dodge
over here.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Hey!
Excuse me, guys.
Stretching out.
We have a situation
in the valet.
Put it up on P 7, will you?
Yeah, just put it up
on P 7.
Isn't that Jimmy "The Chin"
Aversano of the Gambese family?
He knows he's black-booked.
Denise, pull up Camera 7.
The big guy,
isn't that Dino Lucci?
Uh, and Vinnie "T-Bone".
Why would three members of the biggest
crime family in New Jersey just come in?
Maybe they want
dance lessons.
I hope that everything went
okay with the private plane we sent.
Very nice, thank you.
Good, good.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I want to talk
about the cake.
Maybe we should hold off
on this, Carla,
till we've had a chance
to discuss it further.
There's nothing more
to discuss, Muriel.
There's two things I've
always wanted at my wedding.
Oh, yeah? What's that?
I want to walk down the aisle
to Bon Jovi, Living on a Prayer,
and I want
a diamond-encrusted cake.
Is that such a big
freaking deal?
Honey?
I think it's kind of cool.
You see what
I'm dealing with?
Yes. Well, it is her day.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
I'm sorry, fellas,
we can't allow you entry into the hotel.
Why not?
Without getting into specifics,
you're in the black book,
and we can refuse
entry to anyone.
Fine. I'd like to speak
to who's in charge.
For our purposes here,
that would be me,
and I'm saying
you gotta walk.
Okay. No problem.
You give me my mill back
and I'm on my way.
Your mill?
(SCREAMlNG) Daddy!
(GlGGLlNG)
I paid $1 million cash
for my baby girl's wedding.
So, I guess I better speak
to who's really in charge.
Right this way.
So, then. What's the story?
What do you mean?
I mean, you here to rob the joint?
Yeah. As we speak,
my guys are casing the place.
I'm here 'cause my baby
girl's getting married.
Ah, that's sweet.
They don't have
weddings in Jersey?
They don't have Wayne Newton.
Besides, the Feds,
they'd be all over it.
Why is that?
'Cause of my business interests.
And that would be what?
I'm in sanitation.
Look, I'm not here
for no trouble. Okay?
Yeah, I want to meet
Wayne Newton.
I want my daughter to
have a beautiful night.
But I chose the Montecito
because of you.
Because of me?
Yeah, I heard you're
a stand-up guy.
Now, who would tell you that?
We have mutual friends out here.
They also told me you're
paying too much for the sanitation.
I can help. Maybe 3% off.
Ten.
Ten?
Seven. Here, take these.
They're for you.
Thank you. Cubans?
Cubans are illegal.
How'd you get them?
Those? Fell off a truck.
Quick, I need a few annoying
habits of Danny's. I have a list going.
I can't help you.
You don't think there's
anything annoying about Danny?
I think there are about
a million things,
but I don't have the four
hours necessary to get into it.
I'm on my way to
pick up my whale.
You always have a whale.
This is important to me.
I'm turning to you as a friend.
It's not just any whale.
It's Sharkey Rosenthal. So...
Who? Sharkey Rosenthal! He's a legend.
He's a notorious bachelor.
Used to hang out with the rat pack.
Rumor has it that he gave this
cocktail waitress 100 grand as a tip.
So, I'm sure you can understand why
I'm willing to sacrifice our friendship
100 thou?
Mmm-hmm.
I'm sure she did more
than pour his drink.
(EXCLAlMS) No, please.
He's like 100 old.
(MUTTERlNG)
Creep!
Okay, he's not here yet.
What's on the list?
Okay. Great.
He's fanatical about us
using coasters at home.
You don't need a coaster
with stemware, you know?
Okay, I sure hope that's
like 100th on that list,
because that's incredibly
stupid. What else?
I told him he can't dance.
You need to tell him that?
What else?
I don't really have much.
That's why I need your help.
Okay. How about the fact
that he's a little too chummy-chummy
with your father?
That's creepy.
You're right.
And have you ever noticed that
every time that boy walks past a mirror,
he's got to look in it?
You guys will be great.
Wait, what did you
say after "mirror"?
Mr. Rosenthal.
Sharkey.
(LAUGHS) Sharkey!
That's right.
Listen, I'm Sam Marquez,
and I have to admit,
I'm honored to be your casino host.
My pleasure.
Miss Marquez, I should go
over the ground rules with you.
Oh, sure. Excuse us.
Stay there.
I'm not going to have
to bathe him, am l?
'Cause that would be extra.
(LAUGHlNG) I'm just kidding!
No drinking, no smoking,
no red meat.
If he gambles, he is to play
no more than 45 minutes at a time.
Okay. Well, we probably
won't gamble much.
We'll probably just
watch TV or something.
Be careful, Miss Marquez.
He has a very concerned family.
They're also very litigious.
Understood.
I'll be back in the morning
to pick you up, Mr. Rosenthal.
Get outta here.
Nice talking to you.
Okay!
What would you like
to do, Sharkey?
What do you think? Drink, gamble,
and get laid. I'm in Vegas, ain't l?
My kind of guy.
Have you seen the guest list
for this wedding?
It's like a reunion of the
five major crime families.
I know.
How is everything
going with Delinda?
Good, good. She...
We got into a little
argument this morning,
but everything else
is terrific.
I don't mean your relationship.
I'm not Dr. Phil.
I mean, with everything
that's going on.
Does she sleep at night?
Does she have nightmares?
You know, how's she
handling things?
She seems okay.
I asked if she wanted to see the therapist
you sent me to, but she said no.
Of course she'd say no.
Anyway, keep an eye
on her, will you?
Yeah, okay.
What was your fight about?
What?
The fight you had
this morning.
It was nothing.
Some domestic stuff.
She said I was a bad dancer.
Oh.
You gonna
weigh in on that? Or...
No.
(lNTERCOM BEEPS)
WOMAN: Mr. Deline, I have
Wayne Newton on the phone for you.
Hey, Wayne,
how the heck are you?
You have a lot of
nerve calling me.
Yeah. Well, it's been a while.
I just, you know,
wanted to say hi.
What do you need?
I might as well
get right to it.
You remember a few years ago
you offered to sing at this million-dollar wedding
package we have here at the Montecito?
Yeah, I remember.
Someone bought the package.
Oh. That's nice.
Congratulations.
So, you'll do it?
Of course not.
I already told you, I don't
care if I ever see you again,
nor will I ever do you another
favor as long as I live.
Come on, now, Wayne.
You know, I just figured we were
mature enough to put this behind us.
Look, you called me
a liar and a cheat!
You humiliated me in front
of my friends and family.
Yeah, so did I say
something wrong?
Go to hell, Ed!
Screw your tuxedo.
What did he say?
He said for you
to call Paul Anka.
Okay, calm down.
What's the problem?
There's no problem.
He ain't cooking the dinner. She is.
This is my kitchen.
I'll say who is cooking!
And who is she?
She is my mother.
Best cook in the world.
No offense.
None taken, because this
is totally ridiculous. It's absurd.
Where you from, pal?
I'm from Austria.
Well, I rest my case.
I got people flying in
from ltaly for this.
And we ain't eating no schnitzel!
Schnitzel?
Okay.
How about this?
Wolfgang will put together
a tasting menu for you.
I'm not auditioning!
I'm Wolfgang Puck!
Mr. Aversano paid $1 million
for his daughter's wedding.
I think the good man
deserves to sample the food.
Fine.
Fine.
But I ain't sampling
nothing. She is.
Want to go to my room?
Oh, no.
Ouch.
You are embarrassing
my alma mater.
Al?
Yeah, Mike.
We have an underage kid
in Opus. Escort him out.
Right away.
All right, you. Another bar.
Okay. All right. Jeez!
And try to stay
out of trouble.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Are you working tonight?
Yes, I am. Can I help you?
Oh, wow. Hold on a second.
Let's talk price here.
Oh, for what, sweetie?
Okay, everything.
This may come as a surprise to you,
but it's my first time.
And I was just wondering if there was,
like, a discount because I'm a virgin?
A discount?
Oh, my God!
You think I'm a hooker?
No, no, God, no!
I thought you were a call girl.
Here we go, one ice-cold
gin martini straight up.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Keep them coming.
Terrible. Just terrible.
What's that? The drink?
No. Not the drink.
I just gave her 500 bucks
and she barely blinked.
Oh, well, we'll get you
another waitress.
She must not have seen
how generous it was.
No. She doesn't understand
that the tip wasn't for the drink.
At my age it's worth 500 bucks
for a smile from a pretty girl.
That's not bad.
And it's free.
Nothing is free.
That's enough for me.
I think I'm done for now.
What do you mean, we're done for now?
We just started.
I'm just not getting
the same thrill I used to.
It doesn't get my blood
pumping anymore.
Maybe your blood isn't pumping
because you're not betting enough.
So we'll raise the limit. Because
I think that you will be surprised
at what it does to your adrenaline if
you start betting a half million a hand.
I know. I've done it.
In Atlantic City at the Sands
with Frank.
Frank Sinatra?
There's only one Frank,
sweetheart.
Anyway, I had a couple of eights.
I split them. Made a mill on one hand.
Ended up blowing it the
next night in a game of stud
with the Prince of Monaco.
So, believe me, honey, there's
not much in gambling I haven't done.
How about this?
We don't have to gamble.
The night is young.
We have the city
at our fingertips.
So you tell me what you would
like to do and I will make it happen.
I think Murder, She Wrote
starts in 10 minutes.
Mmm...
Is this the biggest one?
It is. But it has
some imperfections.
Some of the others have
better clarity and color.
You see, Carla,
it's not always the size.
There are the four C's
of diamonds.
Carat, clarity,
color and cut.
Daddy?
Get the biggest one,
princess.
(COUGHlNG)
Could you blow that
the other way?
This?
Mmm-hmm.
Danny, what do you think?
I can't decide between the
round one or the square one.
It's called
brilliant or emerald.
The round one.
Yeah?
Yeah. Me, too.
It's shinier.
How much are they worth?
Which?
All of them.
About $2 million.
Give or take.
(WHlSTLES)
Nice.
Well, that settles that.
She likes the bigger one,
we'll make sure that that's
ready in time for the wedding.
Pack them up.
Any questions?
Yeah. Where's Wayne Newton?
Yeah...
The boss likes
Wayne Newton.
What?
The boss likes
Wayne Newton!
You want a little coffee?
No, thank you.
Ed, what happened
with Wayne Newton?
You know what?
I'd rather not discuss it.
Did he steal from you?
Actually, it's worse.
Did he punch you?
Wayne Newton?
Are you outta your mind?
Come on, Ed, please!
Just tell me what happened.
Okay, you want to know?
Yes!
Okay. We're playing in
this charity tournament, okay?
Right.
So, on 17 he hits
the second shot
and it gets stuck
in the sand trap.
Wait, wait, wait,
this is about golf?
(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)
Well, of course it is. Yeah?
The lady from Harry Winston
just left.
Carla finally picked
her diamond.
Okay, good. Come here.
Come here. Come here.
A question,
a simple question.
You're in the sand trap, right?
Can you take a practice
swing in the sand trap?
Only if the club
doesn't hit the sand.
Right. And if it does?
Penalty stroke.
No, actually, it's two.
Ed, what do you care if Wayne
Newton takes a penalty stroke?
I don't give a crap about Wayne Newton!
It's not my business.
But you don't ask me
to sign his scorecard!
I mean, that makes me
an accomplice, right?
Maybe he didn't take
his practice swing.
What am l? Ray Charles?
I saw the sand fly in the air!
Ed, for God's sake! I am begging you,
just take one for the team.
We have a situation.
I'm in the middle of
something here, Mike.
Someone just jacked the Harry
Winston woman on the way to her car.
Took off with $2 million
worth of diamonds.
But hey, what was your thing?
Um...
He came out of nowhere,
pointed a gun at the security
guard's face and grabbed the briefcase.
And you couldn't
see his face?
He had on a mask.
Did he have any distinguishing
characteristics? An accent?
Hard to tell.
He was screaming and he
seemed a little nervous.
ED: Well, all right.
Right, listen, Mike here will
walk you back down to the garage
so you can give the police
a full report. Okay?
Just give us a half a sec
here, okay?
See if she maybe she remembers
something else on the way down there.
And I want a complete
background check on everyone,
especially that security
guard she brought.
Got it.
So, I mean, obviously someone knew
she was going down to the car with the diamonds.
Yeah, I wonder who.
No, no, no, man.
It wasn't him.
Ed, that guy steals
for a living.
Yeah, I know, but look,
I grew up with hundreds
of guys like that in Queens, okay?
I'm telling you,
if they give you their word,
unless I have evidence
to the contrary,
I have a tendency
to believe him. Hey?
Okay, okay. Well, then what
about one of his guys?
We have, like, 50 criminals
currently residing in the casino,
any one of which
could have done this.
And if we permitted a
known felon into the casino
and he committed a crime,
Harry Winston's insurance
company could come after us.
We could be on the line
for that two mill.
Do me a favor. Tell Jimmy
I want to talk to him. Okay?
Okay.
(ELEVATOR BELL DlNGS)
Hold on a second.
What's going on here?
Hey!
Hey!
We're just gonna head up
to my room, watch some TV.
Mmm.
She's an old family friend.
Go Beavers.
Go Beavers.
What I need are some personal
insights that only you can give me.
Well, I'd like to...
(MAN CHATTERING ON TV)
Hey, sweetie.
Yes?
You don't have to stay,
you know.
I'm not gonna gamble
any more tonight.
So, why don't you go downstairs
and make your commission?
Are you sure?
'Cause I could stick around a while.
I'll see you around, kid.
(SlGHS)
Okay, here's what's
happening.
You don't want to gamble,
that's no problem.
But I'm not gonna let you
spend your last big blowout in Vegas
in your room watching reruns
of Murder, She Wrote.
You got a better idea?
Yeah. I do
I'm gonna take you out
for a night on the town.
(CHUCKLlNG)
Old school. Come on.
Hey, kid.
No. I don't want to hear
another word. Come on!
Sam, I can't walk.
Oh, right. Sorry about that.
(KNOCKlNG AT DOOR)
Hey, Danny. Come on in.
We're just going over
the seating chart.
Honey, you can't sit Chacho
with Jerry Green Eyes,
there's gonna be
a situation.
What kind of situation?
Oh, the kind where
one kills the other.
Oh, God.
I hate to interrupt, Jimmy, but
Ed wanted a word with you in his office.
Yeah, sure.
Danny?
Yeah?
When do I get
my diamond?
Actually, there's been
a little delay.
FREDDlE: What kind of delay?
Just a little problem.
It's being taken care of.
What kind of problem?
The Harry Winston
representative
was robbed on the
way out to her car.
What! Freddie,
do you hear this?
Is that why Ed wants
to speak to me?
You're gonna have to speak
with Ed about that.
Incredible, just incredible!
Calm down, honey. No, I won't calm down!
What kind of family is this?
They steal at their own
daughter's wedding? No, no, no...
Hey! Wait a second.
Are you making an accusation, Freddie?
Nobody's making any accusations.
Isn't that right, Mr. Smith?
No, of course not.
How could it be the mob guy?
"The mob guy?"
Whoa!
Okay, listen.
Everybody relax!
No one here is a suspect.
Cooper, do something!
What do you want me to do?
Tell your dad he's wrong!
But he's not.
Your dad is in the mob.
Hey, kid,
I'm in sanitation.
(SCOFFS) Is that what you think of us?
That we're a bunch
of mobsters?
No, honey,
not you, just the rest of your family.
Okay. That's it!
Carla, I forbid you to
marry into this family.
You forbid it?
I forbid it!
Do you understand?
Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!
The forbidding
is coming from us!
Get out of here
before I smash you!
Get outta here,
and keep away from us!
CARLA: (WHlMPERlNG)
I thought that...
That's all right.
We see a lot of weddings here.
This is very common.
Here, have some wine.
Well?
Eh.
"Eh"?
This is a venison ragout
I simmered slowly for five days!
So does that mean you're okay
with this dish being served, Rose?
I've had better,
but it's okay.
"Okay"?
She said okay! Next dish.
Hey, D!
Mrs. Aversano, do you mind
if I talk to Delinda for a minute?
Thank you.
So how are you feeling?
I have a splitting headache.
Maybe you should go home
and lie down for a little bit.
I can't. I gotta get ready
for the wedding.
The wedding is off.
Why? What happened?
Problem with the families.
Listen, come here.
I think that you need to
go home and take some time.
I told you, I'm fine.
Too bad about
the wedding.
Yeah, well, at least that's
never gonna be a problem with us.
Right?
What does that mean?
Just that your family is
like my family, that's all.
Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry I didn't have a
problem with that. It's on my list.
I think you should spend
less time with my dad.
He's my boss.
How do you propose
I do that, quit?
That's on my list, too.
Okay, I think that...
Okay, I think that this list
thing has gotten a little out of hand.
Maybe we should
just call a truce.
Truce?
Yeah.
After you were insensitive enough to nitpick
about my panties being on the floor?
Look, I thought
that it was too soon.
I told you that
this morning.
Not a chance, McCoy.
The list continues.
Okay, the list does continue.
But I'm not a bad dancer!
Yes, you are.
Is that all we got?
He took off back
into the stairwell.
They found the mask and the
briefcase in one of the trash cans.
But that could have
come out of anywhere.
All right,
check every floor.
And let's get a background
check on the security guard.
Done. The security
guard is clean.
Obviously, most of the
wedding guests are not.
Okay. Keep looking.
I'll let Ed know. Okay.
Good work.
Thank you.
What about best show
you ever saw?
Well, that's a tough one,
too, you know.
Okay.
Frank at The Sands when
Peter Lawford got lit
and made an ass
of himself, again.
Or Elvis and Dean Martin
singing a duet of That's Amore.
I didn't know
they had a concert.
I always heard the Rat
Pack and Elvis hated each other.
It wasn't a concert.
It was in my hotel suite.
Boy, that is some life
you've had.
Better than some.
Are you married, Sam?
No!
Tried it once.
Any kids?
No.
Why not?
I've got one person in
the world to look after,
and I have a hard enough time
with that as it is.
You know, the greatest
regret in my life
is that I didn't
have a family.
I mean, take some advice
from an old man.
Don't wait till you're my age
to realize that you made a mistake.
MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the stage,
Old Blue Eyes himself,
Mr. Frank Sinatra!
(CROWD CHEERlNG)
Looks just like him.
Yeah, it's eerie.
Do you know a man can father
a child deep into his eighties?
What are you doing?
Come on, now,
you can't blame a guy for trying.
Was all that just a line?
What?
Come on! All that "take
some advice from an old man,
"you should have a child"
pathetic bit?
Pathetic bit?
Worked on a lot bigger
names than Sam Marquez.
Yeah, right.
Kim Novak, Carol Lombard.
You were with Carol Lombard?
That's right.
What was she like?
I never kiss and tell.
SAM: Come on!
MlKE: What floor is that?
Nineteen. East wing.
Who's the room
registered to?
Hmm.
Hamilton High School
has a block of rooms.
This one is registered
to a Leo Pedowitz.
Look out for any of Jimmy's
guys coming out of a stairwell.
Okay. Got it.
We're gonna need
a few more minutes, sugar.
Leo?
Mike,
what a pleasant surprise, man!
What's going on in here?
Just hanging, man.
Hanging?
(PHONE RlNGS)
Capitalism?
Let's go.
Ah, okay. Ow!
Ow, dude! Ouch!
Whoa, dude! Watch the shirt, man!
Ow. I just bought that.
Leo! Leo, what the hell
is going on in there?
Look, you really think
I'm the only kid
who doesn't want to go
to college a virgin?
I'm doing them a favor.
By charging them for sex?
I prefer to see it as
I'm offering them an education
that far exceeds anything
they're gonna get in college.
You realize it's illegal?
No. Not really.
Yes, really!
You can go to jail,
and what would your future look like
if MlT found out that you
were arrested for pimping?
Who cares?
I'm not going to MlT.
What?
Yeah! Why would I want to
hang around a bunch of eggheads
studying nuclear physics
when I could run an empire?
An empire?
Excuse me, look, Leo.
He says this is all he has.
Let me see. He's lying.
He has at least 10 grand
in bonds from his bar mitzvah.
I'll be right there.
Do me a favor?
Draw me a bath.
Okay!
Thanks, sugar.
(SlGHS)
Okay. God! Oh, gotta go.
But listen,
thanks for the advice.
That's good looking out.
Don't worry, you're in for a taste.
Ed, I had nothing
to do with it.
Okay, fine. Let's just
say you didn't.
Is it possible
one of your crew did?
If they did, they're dead.
I'm gonna make believe
I didn't hear that.
Listen, I need you to
do me a favor here, Jimmy.
I got some footage here
from the garage.
Look at it and tell me if
you see anything that's recognizable.
Stop that.
Can you get closer?
Can you get any closer?
That's it. I've seen enough.
It ain't one of my guys.
How the hell
do you know that?
Because ain't nobody I know that would
be caught dead in a tasseled loafer.
I should have known that.
Yes?
Hey, do you mind
if we come in?
Sure. Sure. Did you find out
who took the diamonds?
What's going on?
Anything you'd like
to confess, Mr. Smith?
I knew we'd never
get away with it.
I don't know what
she's talking about.
Tell him, Freddie!
The police are here.
Get away with what?
He made me do it!
We took ginger ales
from the mini-bar
and then we replaced them
with ones from the store.
Freddie, we're going to jail!
Muriel!
Are these your tasseled loafers,
Mr. Smith?
Mind if I take
a look in your safe?
Freddie, what is going on?
Say you'll pay
for the ginger ale!
I just didn't want my son
to marry into that family.
I'm not a thief.
They're the thieves!
I was going to give
the diamonds back!
Yeah. You can tell it all
to the police!
Dad?
What kind of family is this?
I love you,
honey, even if your dad is a crook.
Great! The wedding is back on!
Let's leave the kids alone.
Oh, crap.
Get me Wayne Newton.
(DOORBELL RlNGS)
Yeah?
I came to apologize.
Sorry, I couldn't hear that.
Look, it was a while ago
and it was a very bad angle.
And maybe you didn't hit
the sand on your practice swing.
So, I apologize.
That was an 82.
That was the best
round of my life.
It was an 83, not counting
the penalty stroke.
Wait, wait, wait,
come on! Wait!
I'm kidding around with you,
for crying out loud here.
I mean, you know
my math is bad.
Anyway, the truth is,
it was a beautiful 82. I apologize.
Not good enough.
What would you have me do?
I was humiliated publicly.
You must apologize publicly.
(ELEVATOR BELL DlNGS)
How you doing?
MlKE: (LAUGHlNG) Oh, yeah.
DANNY: What's up?
Just asked our resident thugs
to do a job for me.
A job?
Yeah. Shake down
a 17-year-old.
Not so much work
as fun, probably.
So, you ready
for that lesson?
No.
We will start off slow.
Just tap your foot.
I already told you, Mike.
Not interested.
If you want, we don't
have to do it here.
We can go somewhere
more private.
I think you're mistaking my
reluctance for embarrassment.
But actually, it's because I have
no interest in changing my dance style.
I happen to like
the way that I dance,
and if Delinda can't
appreciate that,
then maybe she's not
the right girl for me.
Or she could be
from the planet Earth.
Oh, jokes?
I'm just...
Guys, we have a report that
someone is being dangled off the roof.
The roof?
Oh, it's fine.
Don't worry about it.
Are we insured for this?
Thank you, Sam.
Oh, please.
It was my pleasure.
Will you please come back
and see me soon?
I think we should settle up.
What's the damages?
I'll send a marker
to your house.
And by the way,
last night's on me.
Come here.
For my last night in Vegas,
I'm glad I spent it with you, kid.
Mmm!
Oh, Wayne Newton.
Thank you so much!
Nah. The Sinatra guy
looked more realistic.
Let's go.
Yes, sir.
So, I guess you'll be
setting up shop here.
No, actually, I think
I will give MlT a shot.
Really? Putting the pimping
thing on hold for a while?
No. Just Vegas.
Way too much competition
here, man.
Do you have any idea how
many virgins there are at MlT?
I'm gonna make a killing.
Mikey!
See you around, bro.
Smart kid.
Cold feet there, Cooper?
With my father in jail, it doesn't
exactly put me in the celebrating mood.
It's never too late
to back out.
Yo! How you doing?
A round of shots.
Welcome to the family,
Cooper.
You know, you hurt her,
I'm gonna kill you.
SLlM: How?
T-BONE: What?
How would you kill him?
That's a good question.
Not a good question.
First I stab a fork
through his hand,
to make sure he's
not going anywhere.
Yeah? Then what?
Then, maybe I go
to work on him.
Say, a pair of pliers
to the big toe.
Ooh! I like that!
Okay!
Here's to the happy couple!
Here we go.
Here we go.
You know, about that
whole list thing.
Yeah?
You can forget mine.
Uh-huh? What's the matter,
afraid of my list?
No. You can have your list.
I'm just not gonna have one.
I think you're perfect
just the way you are.
How about dinner tonight?
Can't. Plans.
(CROWD CHEERlNG)
Yeah? What kind of plans?
I made an appointment
to see that guy.
Talk about what happened.
Oh, baby. That's great.
I'd like to do a song for you, and I'd like
all of you to come out onto the dance floor,
and let's celebrate
this very special evening
with this very special couple,
Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
MAN: Oh, yeah!
Let's do it!
Come on.
No, no. That's okay.
Come on!
I apologize for saying
you can't dance.
I just... I couldn't think
of anything l didn't like about you
and I was grasping at straws.
I love the way you dance.
Yeah, let's not overdo it.
Come on.
Yes. Let's. Come on!
I wouldn't want to embarrass
everybody, Delinda.
We were kidding.
All right, but I only know
one way to bring it.
Let's see it, McCoy. Come on!
Yeah, okay.
Wow.
That is one spastic couple.
How's your husband?
Freddie!
If he needs help in the
joint, I know people.
Really?
Mmm.
What time is it?
It's almost 8:00.
I have to get to work.
Come on. Hey, hey, hey!
Just relax.
Don't you think you might be jumping
back into work a little bit too fast?
What do you mean?
After the kidnapping, I think it's a
fair excuse to take a few personal days.
Maybe see someone.
What does that mean?
Like a shrink, a counselor,
someone you can talk to
about the stress
of what happened.
I know a guy.
It's the guy that I talked
to when I came back from lraq.
I'm fine. What am I supposed to do?
Stay home and cry?
That's not what I'm saying.
It's just, you know...
(DELlNDA SCREAMS)
What?
Damn it!
How many times have I
told you to put the seat down?
Well, maybe you should look
before you sit next time.
I hope you flushed!
You know, if we're gonna live together,
there's a couple of things
we need to get worked out.
You know, that's a great
idea. Hold on one sec.
You keep a list?
No, no. Just a few thoughts,
so I don't forget.
I was gonna bring
this up before,
but then you were buried alive
and I didn't want to be insensitive.
What's on the list, Danny?
You know what?
We can talk about this some other time.
No, no, no, no.
What's on the list?
It's silly, stupid stuff.
Like...
Like... Like what?
Like this, for example.
Lipstick on the drinking glass.
You know, you have to
manually scrub that off
before you put it
in the dishwasher.
Ah. What else?
Well...
I don't know if you grew up
with maids or whatever,
but you shouldn't just take off your
panties and throw them on the floor.
Only I can take off your
panties and throw them on the floor.
Which I'm totally
available for right now.
No, I don't think so.
'Cause I have a list, too!
Great! What's on your list?
Well, I don't have it
on me right now.
This is totally informal.
Anything you've got.
You can't dance.
Excuse me?
That's just not true.
I'm a fantastic dancer.
And l...
You look ridiculous when you dance,
Danny. It's embarrassing.
Okay, you know,
I'm talking about things in the home.
This is not an opportunity
for you to just bash me.
What are you talking about,
"embarrassing"?
I don't want to have this
conversation right now.
No, you're the one that
opened up the door here.
I happen to be
an amazing dancer.
Okay? Maybe you just don't understand
what I'm doing when I'm up there.
(SCREAMS)
Get back here!
You knew the seat was up.
Get back here!
You knew the seat was up!
Can I help you?
Yeah, is that the Omnivu
hi-rex color dome?
No, we still use
Cantek 235 D's.
You guys gotta upgrade.
Get with the times.
Yeah.
You use the RFlD scanners?
We do.
At least you got that right.
Thanks. Mike Cannon.
Leo Pedowitz.
Are you here
with the class trip?
Yeah, yeah. My high school offered
to take a bunch of students to see UNLV,
so I thought I'd come.
But you're not interested
in UNLV?
I actually got into MlT early.
Just don't say anything.
For a fellow Beaver,
my lips are sealed.
Oh! You went to MlT
and you're working
in security?
So, if you're not looking
at UNLV, why are you here?
I can't speak for
the rest of my class,
but I have no intention of
going to college a virgin.
Know what I mean?
The kid's here to get laid.
Hey, boss. You got a sec?
Hey. What's up?
Somebody just ordered the
million-dollar wedding extravaganza.
What's that?
It's a promotional thing
we put together a few years ago.
I didn't think
anybody'd do it.
I mean, a million bucks
for a wedding?
What exactly do you get
for a million bucks?
For $1 million, you get a fully-catered
wedding for up to 300 people.
A consultant from Harry Winston
comes out to help you pick out
a six-carat diamond,
you get massages
and bathrobes,
and Wayne Newton sings.
Wayne Newton?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.
I know you guys had some kind of,
like, a problem a little while back,
but that's all in
the past, right?
No, it is not in the past.
Yeah, I know, 'cause I just got a call from
his people saying he refuses to perform
unless you personally
apologize.
Well, then you better
get somebody else.
No apology?
I'm sorry. Get someone else.
What's up?
Hey. Top of the morning.
Let me ask you a question.
Sure.
And I want you to
answer honestly here.
Okay.
Do you consider me
to be a bad dancer?
In what sense?
In the sense that I look
unusual when I dance
(EXHALES)
Forget I asked.
You're unconventional, yes.
I mean, come on, man.
When Cowboy Troy was here
and you were playing
chicken with the train...
You could have told me!
It wasn't my place.
Besides, you never asked.
You know what? If it's so embarrassing,
next time we're all out,
guess what? I ain't dancing.
How's that?
Okay.
I just don't understand.
Do you want me to teach you
how to dance?
Okay, so the black guy's gonna teach
the white guy how to dance? No thanks.
It's not a race thing.
That's okay.
It just so happens
you can't dance, I can,
you're my buddy, I want to help you out.
All right?
Ain't nothing to it,
but to do it. So get up.
No.
Come on.
No.
Let's dance.
Stop that.
Let me show you a couple of things.
Come on, Danny.
We're gonna start with up rock, right?
Something easy,
nothing too hard.
We go side to side.
Side to side!
This is easy, this is easy!
Then a little
shoulder action.
Yeah, then you dodge
over here.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Hey!
Excuse me, guys.
Stretching out.
We have a situation
in the valet.
Put it up on P 7, will you?
Yeah, just put it up
on P 7.
Isn't that Jimmy "The Chin"
Aversano of the Gambese family?
He knows he's black-booked.
Denise, pull up Camera 7.
The big guy,
isn't that Dino Lucci?
Uh, and Vinnie "T-Bone".
Why would three members of the biggest
crime family in New Jersey just come in?
Maybe they want
dance lessons.
I hope that everything went
okay with the private plane we sent.
Very nice, thank you.
Good, good.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I want to talk
about the cake.
Maybe we should hold off
on this, Carla,
till we've had a chance
to discuss it further.
There's nothing more
to discuss, Muriel.
There's two things I've
always wanted at my wedding.
Oh, yeah? What's that?
I want to walk down the aisle
to Bon Jovi, Living on a Prayer,
and I want
a diamond-encrusted cake.
Is that such a big
freaking deal?
Honey?
I think it's kind of cool.
You see what
I'm dealing with?
Yes. Well, it is her day.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
I'm sorry, fellas,
we can't allow you entry into the hotel.
Why not?
Without getting into specifics,
you're in the black book,
and we can refuse
entry to anyone.
Fine. I'd like to speak
to who's in charge.
For our purposes here,
that would be me,
and I'm saying
you gotta walk.
Okay. No problem.
You give me my mill back
and I'm on my way.
Your mill?
(SCREAMlNG) Daddy!
(GlGGLlNG)
I paid $1 million cash
for my baby girl's wedding.
So, I guess I better speak
to who's really in charge.
Right this way.
So, then. What's the story?
What do you mean?
I mean, you here to rob the joint?
Yeah. As we speak,
my guys are casing the place.
I'm here 'cause my baby
girl's getting married.
Ah, that's sweet.
They don't have
weddings in Jersey?
They don't have Wayne Newton.
Besides, the Feds,
they'd be all over it.
Why is that?
'Cause of my business interests.
And that would be what?
I'm in sanitation.
Look, I'm not here
for no trouble. Okay?
Yeah, I want to meet
Wayne Newton.
I want my daughter to
have a beautiful night.
But I chose the Montecito
because of you.
Because of me?
Yeah, I heard you're
a stand-up guy.
Now, who would tell you that?
We have mutual friends out here.
They also told me you're
paying too much for the sanitation.
I can help. Maybe 3% off.
Ten.
Ten?
Seven. Here, take these.
They're for you.
Thank you. Cubans?
Cubans are illegal.
How'd you get them?
Those? Fell off a truck.
Quick, I need a few annoying
habits of Danny's. I have a list going.
I can't help you.
You don't think there's
anything annoying about Danny?
I think there are about
a million things,
but I don't have the four
hours necessary to get into it.
I'm on my way to
pick up my whale.
You always have a whale.
This is important to me.
I'm turning to you as a friend.
It's not just any whale.
It's Sharkey Rosenthal. So...
Who? Sharkey Rosenthal! He's a legend.
He's a notorious bachelor.
Used to hang out with the rat pack.
Rumor has it that he gave this
cocktail waitress 100 grand as a tip.
So, I'm sure you can understand why
I'm willing to sacrifice our friendship
100 thou?
Mmm-hmm.
I'm sure she did more
than pour his drink.
(EXCLAlMS) No, please.
He's like 100 old.
(MUTTERlNG)
Creep!
Okay, he's not here yet.
What's on the list?
Okay. Great.
He's fanatical about us
using coasters at home.
You don't need a coaster
with stemware, you know?
Okay, I sure hope that's
like 100th on that list,
because that's incredibly
stupid. What else?
I told him he can't dance.
You need to tell him that?
What else?
I don't really have much.
That's why I need your help.
Okay. How about the fact
that he's a little too chummy-chummy
with your father?
That's creepy.
You're right.
And have you ever noticed that
every time that boy walks past a mirror,
he's got to look in it?
You guys will be great.
Wait, what did you
say after "mirror"?
Mr. Rosenthal.
Sharkey.
(LAUGHS) Sharkey!
That's right.
Listen, I'm Sam Marquez,
and I have to admit,
I'm honored to be your casino host.
My pleasure.
Miss Marquez, I should go
over the ground rules with you.
Oh, sure. Excuse us.
Stay there.
I'm not going to have
to bathe him, am l?
'Cause that would be extra.
(LAUGHlNG) I'm just kidding!
No drinking, no smoking,
no red meat.
If he gambles, he is to play
no more than 45 minutes at a time.
Okay. Well, we probably
won't gamble much.
We'll probably just
watch TV or something.
Be careful, Miss Marquez.
He has a very concerned family.
They're also very litigious.
Understood.
I'll be back in the morning
to pick you up, Mr. Rosenthal.
Get outta here.
Nice talking to you.
Okay!
What would you like
to do, Sharkey?
What do you think? Drink, gamble,
and get laid. I'm in Vegas, ain't l?
My kind of guy.
Have you seen the guest list
for this wedding?
It's like a reunion of the
five major crime families.
I know.
How is everything
going with Delinda?
Good, good. She...
We got into a little
argument this morning,
but everything else
is terrific.
I don't mean your relationship.
I'm not Dr. Phil.
I mean, with everything
that's going on.
Does she sleep at night?
Does she have nightmares?
You know, how's she
handling things?
She seems okay.
I asked if she wanted to see the therapist
you sent me to, but she said no.
Of course she'd say no.
Anyway, keep an eye
on her, will you?
Yeah, okay.
What was your fight about?
What?
The fight you had
this morning.
It was nothing.
Some domestic stuff.
She said I was a bad dancer.
Oh.
You gonna
weigh in on that? Or...
No.
(lNTERCOM BEEPS)
WOMAN: Mr. Deline, I have
Wayne Newton on the phone for you.
Hey, Wayne,
how the heck are you?
You have a lot of
nerve calling me.
Yeah. Well, it's been a while.
I just, you know,
wanted to say hi.
What do you need?
I might as well
get right to it.
You remember a few years ago
you offered to sing at this million-dollar wedding
package we have here at the Montecito?
Yeah, I remember.
Someone bought the package.
Oh. That's nice.
Congratulations.
So, you'll do it?
Of course not.
I already told you, I don't
care if I ever see you again,
nor will I ever do you another
favor as long as I live.
Come on, now, Wayne.
You know, I just figured we were
mature enough to put this behind us.
Look, you called me
a liar and a cheat!
You humiliated me in front
of my friends and family.
Yeah, so did I say
something wrong?
Go to hell, Ed!
Screw your tuxedo.
What did he say?
He said for you
to call Paul Anka.
Okay, calm down.
What's the problem?
There's no problem.
He ain't cooking the dinner. She is.
This is my kitchen.
I'll say who is cooking!
And who is she?
She is my mother.
Best cook in the world.
No offense.
None taken, because this
is totally ridiculous. It's absurd.
Where you from, pal?
I'm from Austria.
Well, I rest my case.
I got people flying in
from ltaly for this.
And we ain't eating no schnitzel!
Schnitzel?
Okay.
How about this?
Wolfgang will put together
a tasting menu for you.
I'm not auditioning!
I'm Wolfgang Puck!
Mr. Aversano paid $1 million
for his daughter's wedding.
I think the good man
deserves to sample the food.
Fine.
Fine.
But I ain't sampling
nothing. She is.
Want to go to my room?
Oh, no.
Ouch.
You are embarrassing
my alma mater.
Al?
Yeah, Mike.
We have an underage kid
in Opus. Escort him out.
Right away.
All right, you. Another bar.
Okay. All right. Jeez!
And try to stay
out of trouble.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Are you working tonight?
Yes, I am. Can I help you?
Oh, wow. Hold on a second.
Let's talk price here.
Oh, for what, sweetie?
Okay, everything.
This may come as a surprise to you,
but it's my first time.
And I was just wondering if there was,
like, a discount because I'm a virgin?
A discount?
Oh, my God!
You think I'm a hooker?
No, no, God, no!
I thought you were a call girl.
Here we go, one ice-cold
gin martini straight up.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Keep them coming.
Terrible. Just terrible.
What's that? The drink?
No. Not the drink.
I just gave her 500 bucks
and she barely blinked.
Oh, well, we'll get you
another waitress.
She must not have seen
how generous it was.
No. She doesn't understand
that the tip wasn't for the drink.
At my age it's worth 500 bucks
for a smile from a pretty girl.
That's not bad.
And it's free.
Nothing is free.
That's enough for me.
I think I'm done for now.
What do you mean, we're done for now?
We just started.
I'm just not getting
the same thrill I used to.
It doesn't get my blood
pumping anymore.
Maybe your blood isn't pumping
because you're not betting enough.
So we'll raise the limit. Because
I think that you will be surprised
at what it does to your adrenaline if
you start betting a half million a hand.
I know. I've done it.
In Atlantic City at the Sands
with Frank.
Frank Sinatra?
There's only one Frank,
sweetheart.
Anyway, I had a couple of eights.
I split them. Made a mill on one hand.
Ended up blowing it the
next night in a game of stud
with the Prince of Monaco.
So, believe me, honey, there's
not much in gambling I haven't done.
How about this?
We don't have to gamble.
The night is young.
We have the city
at our fingertips.
So you tell me what you would
like to do and I will make it happen.
I think Murder, She Wrote
starts in 10 minutes.
Mmm...
Is this the biggest one?
It is. But it has
some imperfections.
Some of the others have
better clarity and color.
You see, Carla,
it's not always the size.
There are the four C's
of diamonds.
Carat, clarity,
color and cut.
Daddy?
Get the biggest one,
princess.
(COUGHlNG)
Could you blow that
the other way?
This?
Mmm-hmm.
Danny, what do you think?
I can't decide between the
round one or the square one.
It's called
brilliant or emerald.
The round one.
Yeah?
Yeah. Me, too.
It's shinier.
How much are they worth?
Which?
All of them.
About $2 million.
Give or take.
(WHlSTLES)
Nice.
Well, that settles that.
She likes the bigger one,
we'll make sure that that's
ready in time for the wedding.
Pack them up.
Any questions?
Yeah. Where's Wayne Newton?
Yeah...
The boss likes
Wayne Newton.
What?
The boss likes
Wayne Newton!
You want a little coffee?
No, thank you.
Ed, what happened
with Wayne Newton?
You know what?
I'd rather not discuss it.
Did he steal from you?
Actually, it's worse.
Did he punch you?
Wayne Newton?
Are you outta your mind?
Come on, Ed, please!
Just tell me what happened.
Okay, you want to know?
Yes!
Okay. We're playing in
this charity tournament, okay?
Right.
So, on 17 he hits
the second shot
and it gets stuck
in the sand trap.
Wait, wait, wait,
this is about golf?
(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)
Well, of course it is. Yeah?
The lady from Harry Winston
just left.
Carla finally picked
her diamond.
Okay, good. Come here.
Come here. Come here.
A question,
a simple question.
You're in the sand trap, right?
Can you take a practice
swing in the sand trap?
Only if the club
doesn't hit the sand.
Right. And if it does?
Penalty stroke.
No, actually, it's two.
Ed, what do you care if Wayne
Newton takes a penalty stroke?
I don't give a crap about Wayne Newton!
It's not my business.
But you don't ask me
to sign his scorecard!
I mean, that makes me
an accomplice, right?
Maybe he didn't take
his practice swing.
What am l? Ray Charles?
I saw the sand fly in the air!
Ed, for God's sake! I am begging you,
just take one for the team.
We have a situation.
I'm in the middle of
something here, Mike.
Someone just jacked the Harry
Winston woman on the way to her car.
Took off with $2 million
worth of diamonds.
But hey, what was your thing?
Um...
He came out of nowhere,
pointed a gun at the security
guard's face and grabbed the briefcase.
And you couldn't
see his face?
He had on a mask.
Did he have any distinguishing
characteristics? An accent?
Hard to tell.
He was screaming and he
seemed a little nervous.
ED: Well, all right.
Right, listen, Mike here will
walk you back down to the garage
so you can give the police
a full report. Okay?
Just give us a half a sec
here, okay?
See if she maybe she remembers
something else on the way down there.
And I want a complete
background check on everyone,
especially that security
guard she brought.
Got it.
So, I mean, obviously someone knew
she was going down to the car with the diamonds.
Yeah, I wonder who.
No, no, no, man.
It wasn't him.
Ed, that guy steals
for a living.
Yeah, I know, but look,
I grew up with hundreds
of guys like that in Queens, okay?
I'm telling you,
if they give you their word,
unless I have evidence
to the contrary,
I have a tendency
to believe him. Hey?
Okay, okay. Well, then what
about one of his guys?
We have, like, 50 criminals
currently residing in the casino,
any one of which
could have done this.
And if we permitted a
known felon into the casino
and he committed a crime,
Harry Winston's insurance
company could come after us.
We could be on the line
for that two mill.
Do me a favor. Tell Jimmy
I want to talk to him. Okay?
Okay.
(ELEVATOR BELL DlNGS)
Hold on a second.
What's going on here?
Hey!
Hey!
We're just gonna head up
to my room, watch some TV.
Mmm.
She's an old family friend.
Go Beavers.
Go Beavers.
What I need are some personal
insights that only you can give me.
Well, I'd like to...
(MAN CHATTERING ON TV)
Hey, sweetie.
Yes?
You don't have to stay,
you know.
I'm not gonna gamble
any more tonight.
So, why don't you go downstairs
and make your commission?
Are you sure?
'Cause I could stick around a while.
I'll see you around, kid.
(SlGHS)
Okay, here's what's
happening.
You don't want to gamble,
that's no problem.
But I'm not gonna let you
spend your last big blowout in Vegas
in your room watching reruns
of Murder, She Wrote.
You got a better idea?
Yeah. I do
I'm gonna take you out
for a night on the town.
(CHUCKLlNG)
Old school. Come on.
Hey, kid.
No. I don't want to hear
another word. Come on!
Sam, I can't walk.
Oh, right. Sorry about that.
(KNOCKlNG AT DOOR)
Hey, Danny. Come on in.
We're just going over
the seating chart.
Honey, you can't sit Chacho
with Jerry Green Eyes,
there's gonna be
a situation.
What kind of situation?
Oh, the kind where
one kills the other.
Oh, God.
I hate to interrupt, Jimmy, but
Ed wanted a word with you in his office.
Yeah, sure.
Danny?
Yeah?
When do I get
my diamond?
Actually, there's been
a little delay.
FREDDlE: What kind of delay?
Just a little problem.
It's being taken care of.
What kind of problem?
The Harry Winston
representative
was robbed on the
way out to her car.
What! Freddie,
do you hear this?
Is that why Ed wants
to speak to me?
You're gonna have to speak
with Ed about that.
Incredible, just incredible!
Calm down, honey. No, I won't calm down!
What kind of family is this?
They steal at their own
daughter's wedding? No, no, no...
Hey! Wait a second.
Are you making an accusation, Freddie?
Nobody's making any accusations.
Isn't that right, Mr. Smith?
No, of course not.
How could it be the mob guy?
"The mob guy?"
Whoa!
Okay, listen.
Everybody relax!
No one here is a suspect.
Cooper, do something!
What do you want me to do?
Tell your dad he's wrong!
But he's not.
Your dad is in the mob.
Hey, kid,
I'm in sanitation.
(SCOFFS) Is that what you think of us?
That we're a bunch
of mobsters?
No, honey,
not you, just the rest of your family.
Okay. That's it!
Carla, I forbid you to
marry into this family.
You forbid it?
I forbid it!
Do you understand?
Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!
The forbidding
is coming from us!
Get out of here
before I smash you!
Get outta here,
and keep away from us!
CARLA: (WHlMPERlNG)
I thought that...
That's all right.
We see a lot of weddings here.
This is very common.
Here, have some wine.
Well?
Eh.
"Eh"?
This is a venison ragout
I simmered slowly for five days!
So does that mean you're okay
with this dish being served, Rose?
I've had better,
but it's okay.
"Okay"?
She said okay! Next dish.
Hey, D!
Mrs. Aversano, do you mind
if I talk to Delinda for a minute?
Thank you.
So how are you feeling?
I have a splitting headache.
Maybe you should go home
and lie down for a little bit.
I can't. I gotta get ready
for the wedding.
The wedding is off.
Why? What happened?
Problem with the families.
Listen, come here.
I think that you need to
go home and take some time.
I told you, I'm fine.
Too bad about
the wedding.
Yeah, well, at least that's
never gonna be a problem with us.
Right?
What does that mean?
Just that your family is
like my family, that's all.
Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry I didn't have a
problem with that. It's on my list.
I think you should spend
less time with my dad.
He's my boss.
How do you propose
I do that, quit?
That's on my list, too.
Okay, I think that...
Okay, I think that this list
thing has gotten a little out of hand.
Maybe we should
just call a truce.
Truce?
Yeah.
After you were insensitive enough to nitpick
about my panties being on the floor?
Look, I thought
that it was too soon.
I told you that
this morning.
Not a chance, McCoy.
The list continues.
Okay, the list does continue.
But I'm not a bad dancer!
Yes, you are.
Is that all we got?
He took off back
into the stairwell.
They found the mask and the
briefcase in one of the trash cans.
But that could have
come out of anywhere.
All right,
check every floor.
And let's get a background
check on the security guard.
Done. The security
guard is clean.
Obviously, most of the
wedding guests are not.
Okay. Keep looking.
I'll let Ed know. Okay.
Good work.
Thank you.
What about best show
you ever saw?
Well, that's a tough one,
too, you know.
Okay.
Frank at The Sands when
Peter Lawford got lit
and made an ass
of himself, again.
Or Elvis and Dean Martin
singing a duet of That's Amore.
I didn't know
they had a concert.
I always heard the Rat
Pack and Elvis hated each other.
It wasn't a concert.
It was in my hotel suite.
Boy, that is some life
you've had.
Better than some.
Are you married, Sam?
No!
Tried it once.
Any kids?
No.
Why not?
I've got one person in
the world to look after,
and I have a hard enough time
with that as it is.
You know, the greatest
regret in my life
is that I didn't
have a family.
I mean, take some advice
from an old man.
Don't wait till you're my age
to realize that you made a mistake.
MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the stage,
Old Blue Eyes himself,
Mr. Frank Sinatra!
(CROWD CHEERlNG)
Looks just like him.
Yeah, it's eerie.
Do you know a man can father
a child deep into his eighties?
What are you doing?
Come on, now,
you can't blame a guy for trying.
Was all that just a line?
What?
Come on! All that "take
some advice from an old man,
"you should have a child"
pathetic bit?
Pathetic bit?
Worked on a lot bigger
names than Sam Marquez.
Yeah, right.
Kim Novak, Carol Lombard.
You were with Carol Lombard?
That's right.
What was she like?
I never kiss and tell.
SAM: Come on!
MlKE: What floor is that?
Nineteen. East wing.
Who's the room
registered to?
Hmm.
Hamilton High School
has a block of rooms.
This one is registered
to a Leo Pedowitz.
Look out for any of Jimmy's
guys coming out of a stairwell.
Okay. Got it.
We're gonna need
a few more minutes, sugar.
Leo?
Mike,
what a pleasant surprise, man!
What's going on in here?
Just hanging, man.
Hanging?
(PHONE RlNGS)
Capitalism?
Let's go.
Ah, okay. Ow!
Ow, dude! Ouch!
Whoa, dude! Watch the shirt, man!
Ow. I just bought that.
Leo! Leo, what the hell
is going on in there?
Look, you really think
I'm the only kid
who doesn't want to go
to college a virgin?
I'm doing them a favor.
By charging them for sex?
I prefer to see it as
I'm offering them an education
that far exceeds anything
they're gonna get in college.
You realize it's illegal?
No. Not really.
Yes, really!
You can go to jail,
and what would your future look like
if MlT found out that you
were arrested for pimping?
Who cares?
I'm not going to MlT.
What?
Yeah! Why would I want to
hang around a bunch of eggheads
studying nuclear physics
when I could run an empire?
An empire?
Excuse me, look, Leo.
He says this is all he has.
Let me see. He's lying.
He has at least 10 grand
in bonds from his bar mitzvah.
I'll be right there.
Do me a favor?
Draw me a bath.
Okay!
Thanks, sugar.
(SlGHS)
Okay. God! Oh, gotta go.
But listen,
thanks for the advice.
That's good looking out.
Don't worry, you're in for a taste.
Ed, I had nothing
to do with it.
Okay, fine. Let's just
say you didn't.
Is it possible
one of your crew did?
If they did, they're dead.
I'm gonna make believe
I didn't hear that.
Listen, I need you to
do me a favor here, Jimmy.
I got some footage here
from the garage.
Look at it and tell me if
you see anything that's recognizable.
Stop that.
Can you get closer?
Can you get any closer?
That's it. I've seen enough.
It ain't one of my guys.
How the hell
do you know that?
Because ain't nobody I know that would
be caught dead in a tasseled loafer.
I should have known that.
Yes?
Hey, do you mind
if we come in?
Sure. Sure. Did you find out
who took the diamonds?
What's going on?
Anything you'd like
to confess, Mr. Smith?
I knew we'd never
get away with it.
I don't know what
she's talking about.
Tell him, Freddie!
The police are here.
Get away with what?
He made me do it!
We took ginger ales
from the mini-bar
and then we replaced them
with ones from the store.
Freddie, we're going to jail!
Muriel!
Are these your tasseled loafers,
Mr. Smith?
Mind if I take
a look in your safe?
Freddie, what is going on?
Say you'll pay
for the ginger ale!
I just didn't want my son
to marry into that family.
I'm not a thief.
They're the thieves!
I was going to give
the diamonds back!
Yeah. You can tell it all
to the police!
Dad?
What kind of family is this?
I love you,
honey, even if your dad is a crook.
Great! The wedding is back on!
Let's leave the kids alone.
Oh, crap.
Get me Wayne Newton.
(DOORBELL RlNGS)
Yeah?
I came to apologize.
Sorry, I couldn't hear that.
Look, it was a while ago
and it was a very bad angle.
And maybe you didn't hit
the sand on your practice swing.
So, I apologize.
That was an 82.
That was the best
round of my life.
It was an 83, not counting
the penalty stroke.
Wait, wait, wait,
come on! Wait!
I'm kidding around with you,
for crying out loud here.
I mean, you know
my math is bad.
Anyway, the truth is,
it was a beautiful 82. I apologize.
Not good enough.
What would you have me do?
I was humiliated publicly.
You must apologize publicly.
(ELEVATOR BELL DlNGS)
How you doing?
MlKE: (LAUGHlNG) Oh, yeah.
DANNY: What's up?
Just asked our resident thugs
to do a job for me.
A job?
Yeah. Shake down
a 17-year-old.
Not so much work
as fun, probably.
So, you ready
for that lesson?
No.
We will start off slow.
Just tap your foot.
I already told you, Mike.
Not interested.
If you want, we don't
have to do it here.
We can go somewhere
more private.
I think you're mistaking my
reluctance for embarrassment.
But actually, it's because I have
no interest in changing my dance style.
I happen to like
the way that I dance,
and if Delinda can't
appreciate that,
then maybe she's not
the right girl for me.
Or she could be
from the planet Earth.
Oh, jokes?
I'm just...
Guys, we have a report that
someone is being dangled off the roof.
The roof?
Oh, it's fine.
Don't worry about it.
Are we insured for this?
Thank you, Sam.
Oh, please.
It was my pleasure.
Will you please come back
and see me soon?
I think we should settle up.
What's the damages?
I'll send a marker
to your house.
And by the way,
last night's on me.
Come here.
For my last night in Vegas,
I'm glad I spent it with you, kid.
Mmm!
Oh, Wayne Newton.
Thank you so much!
Nah. The Sinatra guy
looked more realistic.
Let's go.
Yes, sir.
So, I guess you'll be
setting up shop here.
No, actually, I think
I will give MlT a shot.
Really? Putting the pimping
thing on hold for a while?
No. Just Vegas.
Way too much competition
here, man.
Do you have any idea how
many virgins there are at MlT?
I'm gonna make a killing.
Mikey!
See you around, bro.
Smart kid.
Cold feet there, Cooper?
With my father in jail, it doesn't
exactly put me in the celebrating mood.
It's never too late
to back out.
Yo! How you doing?
A round of shots.
Welcome to the family,
Cooper.
You know, you hurt her,
I'm gonna kill you.
SLlM: How?
T-BONE: What?
How would you kill him?
That's a good question.
Not a good question.
First I stab a fork
through his hand,
to make sure he's
not going anywhere.
Yeah? Then what?
Then, maybe I go
to work on him.
Say, a pair of pliers
to the big toe.
Ooh! I like that!
Okay!
Here's to the happy couple!
Here we go.
Here we go.
You know, about that
whole list thing.
Yeah?
You can forget mine.
Uh-huh? What's the matter,
afraid of my list?
No. You can have your list.
I'm just not gonna have one.
I think you're perfect
just the way you are.
How about dinner tonight?
Can't. Plans.
(CROWD CHEERlNG)
Yeah? What kind of plans?
I made an appointment
to see that guy.
Talk about what happened.
Oh, baby. That's great.
I'd like to do a song for you, and I'd like
all of you to come out onto the dance floor,
and let's celebrate
this very special evening
with this very special couple,
Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
MAN: Oh, yeah!
Let's do it!
Come on.
No, no. That's okay.
Come on!
I apologize for saying
you can't dance.
I just... I couldn't think
of anything l didn't like about you
and I was grasping at straws.
I love the way you dance.
Yeah, let's not overdo it.
Come on.
Yes. Let's. Come on!
I wouldn't want to embarrass
everybody, Delinda.
We were kidding.
All right, but I only know
one way to bring it.
Let's see it, McCoy. Come on!
Yeah, okay.
Wow.
That is one spastic couple.
How's your husband?
Freddie!
If he needs help in the
joint, I know people.
Really?