Las Vegas (2003–2008): Season 1, Episode 6 - Semper Spy - full transcript
Ed Deline announces he's going on a vacation to Hawaii and asks Danny to take charge. After Ed is gone, Danny soon is busy with some minor nuisances: a very professional looking crime group tries to steal 300 bucks with an old trick and 400 guests are locked out of their rooms after a malfunction with the security cards. On top of that Big Ed is also having a hard time letting go, he's constantly on the phone with Danny. Meanwhile Sam takes care of the Warners, who are famed big spenders, but seem rather atypical millionaires. Mike is having trouble with a guest who sees him as his lucky charm.
Show me something good!
Yeah!
[People cheering]
HIGH ROLLER: Yeah!
Friends, Romans, surveillance guys.
I am going on a vacation.
- You're kidding.
- No. Not at all.
Last decent tan I had was Mogadishu.
Jillian, she made this reservation for us
in Hawaii, and we're leaving tomorrow.
DANNY: Blonde at the blackjack table, Pit 7.
Get her off the stool before she falls.
ED: And?
DANNY: Check to see if she's wearing
a MedicAlert bracelet.
DANNY: She may need her meds.
Danny, you think you can handle this?
No offence, but keeping Girls Gone Wild
from toppling off their bar stools...
isn't exactly brain surgery.
- Go, have some fun.
- What about that armoured truck delivery?
Watches and diamonds
for the new jewellery store.
We got them coming through
the loading dock to minimise exposure.
What the hell am I thinking about?
You got it under control.
I don't know what's the matter with me.
Okay, then.
DANNY: Slots 26 left, guy in the striped shirt.
All right, fellows, move in.
I've been watching them
since they came into the casino.
That was great. Okay, I'm going then.
- You have yourself a nice trip.
- All right.
ED: Okay, I'm going.
DANNY: All right.
ED: All right, then.
[Theme music]
Do you really think you should have
your feet up on Big Ed's desk?
Big Ed's probably at a luau right now
patting down Don Ho...
- but don't worry, ladies. Big Danny's here.
- Oh, my God.
The boss isn't gone five minutes,
he's already gone mad.
What, that I'm
an efficient chief of security means...
BOTH: Acting chief.
SAM: Mr. And Mrs. James Warner
of Chicago...
dropped $1.2 million
in three days in Sun City...
and $1.5 million,
two weeks later in Monte Carlo.
Some serious players.
But if they're from Chicago,
why Monaco and South Africa?
Expat moving home. Relocated his
corporate headquarters to Michigan Avenue.
Big cash, but low-key.
They fly totally under the radar.
Yeah, and so should you, by the way.
My only concern is keeping the Montecito
and her employees safe.
Tell me there's something wrong with that.
SAM: Tell me you didn't just call
the Montecito a her.
The Montecito is Ed's world,
and he takes protecting it just as seriously.
- You might wanna take a cue from that.
- I take this place as seriously as he does...
which is why, after five years,
he finally decided to take a vacation...
and leave me in charge.
You do look awfully sexy behind this desk.
[Danny groans]
- Boss.
- Yeah, my God.
NESSA: Is it me, or is it really hot in here?
I'm sorry to disappoint you, ladies,
and I use that term loosely...
but it's time for the big dog to walk the floor.
NESSA: Big dog?
SAM: That's not what I heard.
[Nessa and Sam giggling]
[Cell phone ringing]
Danny McCoy.
ED: Did you make sure
the heads of the VCRs were recalibrated?
ED: I mean, if they miss a line...
DANNY: We get fuzzy playback, I know.
[Girls laughing]
So, how's the Aloha State?
ED: Take care of my casino, Danny.
ED: Are you in my office?
DANNY: No.
[Energetic instrumental music]
MIKE: Welcome to the Montecito.
MIKE: Careful.
FRANK: Son of a...
MIKE: Here, let me give you a hand.
FRANK: Son of a...
[Frank exclaiming disgustedly]
Three days it's been like this.
Worst streak of my life.
MIKE: Sir, you dropped this.
You see what I mean? Thanks, man.
"Fortune leaves always some door open
to come at a remedy." Don Quixote.
Yeah, from your mouth, my friend.
What the hell's with you?
We told you, no red-headed dealers.
GAMBLER: I just dropped $50,000,
in like, 10 minutes.
Yes, and I apologise.
But at least she wasn't at your table.
- She wasn't even in your pit.
- We don't care, we hate redheads.
If I see anything red again,
we go to Mandalay Bay.
I promise...
that I will personally check the hair colour
of every dealer on the next shift.
Excuse me. Jim and Janet Warner
from Chicago.
JIM: Could you tell us
where the front desk is?
The Warners. Hi, I'm Sam, your casino host.
You're a bit early.
Yeah, we had tailwinds is what the pilot said.
SAM: How was your trip?
- It was great. Good flight.
- Yeah.
SAM: These boys
are gonna take your luggage.
JANET: Thanks.
BELLHOP: Sir, may I?
I'll keep this, thanks.
Welcome to the Montecito.
We're really happy to have you here.
Thanks.
[Upbeat instrumental music]
[People cheering loudly]
[Sighs]
FRANK: Money plays.
DEALER: Money plays a hundred.
Hundred, money plays.
Yes!
[Exclaims]
FRANK: God.
Keep it going, man. Yeah, give it to me.
Nice little run.
Yeah.
"Fortune leaves always some open door."
CROUPIER: Six the hard way!
[People cheering]
MAN 2: You kidding me?
[Tense instrumental music]
DANNY: Slots 5 right.
SECURITY GUARD: I can't get a clear view.
MARY: Danny, what are you doing?
DANNY: A monkey's paw.
MARY: A monkey's what? What is going on?
Guy at the slot machine is sticking a rod
up the coin tray to make it pay off.
DANNY: It's called a monkey's paw.
We got a monkey's paw.
[Woman screaming]
DANNY: Which one had the money?
SECURITY GUARD: West entrance, outside.
[Motorcycle engines revving]
THIEF: Get out of here!
DANNY: Damn it.
[Cell phone ringing]
DANNY: Yeah, I just lost them.
ED: Who?
DANNY: Ed!
The day shift just took off
and the replacements just replaced them.
ED: You sound out of breath.
DANNY: No.
[Stammering] It's the wind.
ED: Inside the casino?
DANNY: I'm in the west valet parking area.
ED: Is everything okay?
DANNY: Yeah, everything's better than okay.
ED: Because I know, that you'd call me...
- if everything wasn't okay, right?
- Of course.
I gotta go.
[Soft jazzy piano music playing]
Here we go.
- This is not what we were expecting.
- If it's not to your liking, I can change...
- No, it's fine, isn't it honey?
- Yeah.
Good. Hans? This is Hans-Carl and Richard,
your private butlers.
SAM: They're on call 24 hours
for your every wish.
Of course you have your own private spa,
masseuse, personal trainer.
Guys. I'm Jim, this is Janet.
JANET: Hi.
JIM: We're from Chicago.
Thank you. Okay.
If you'd like a line of credit,
I could facilitate that for you right away.
Actually, we brought cash.
Okay. Well, right down the hall
are the bedrooms...
the Jacuzzi...
and here's your balcony.
Here's my personal cell phone.
I'm also available 24 hours
for anything you might require.
We would never bother you at night.
That would be rude.
Okay. I'll leave you two to explore.
And enjoy your stay.
JIM: Okay.
Sam? Thanks.
You're welcome.
When's the last time you heard
of somebody using a monkey's paw?
SURVEILLANCE MAN: Long time.
Did you run the look-alike
scenario through Griffin?
And Metro. Cops never heard
of anything like it either.
These guys were pros, man.
But they only took us for $300.
It doesn't make any sense.
SHERRY: Danny,
Sherry on room assignments.
We've got a software glitch down here.
The room key cards are deactivated
and the guests are locked out.
DANNY: How many rooms?
SHERRY: Four hundred.
DANNY: What?
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
DANNY: All right, left side odd,
right side even floors...
and check IDs before you let any guests
back in the rooms. Let's go.
Anybody bitches, give them a buffet comp.
DANNY: Hello.
GUEST: I went to go get ice...
and now my card won't let me
back into my room.
Maybe you could help me?
[Cell phone ringing]
Yeah.
ED: I called the surveillance room,
you weren't there.
ED: Where are you?
DANNY: By the elevators.
ED: Danny, you listening to me?
- Could you get her a buffet comp?
- Is it all you can eat?
ED: What is going on?
Just had a few guests
locked out of their rooms, that's all.
ED: Listen, so the guy in charge
is letting them back in?
DANNY: Acting guy in charge.
Just a little software glitch
in some of the key cards. It's handled.
- I need at least five of your best guys.
- No, I'm already short-staffed.
The Warners have a suitcase
full of cash in the villa.
How much?
Based on past play at other properties,
I would guess over $1 million.
DANNY: All right. I'm on it.
SAM: You want to tell me what's going on?
Just some crazy software glitch.
How come there's never a crazy
software glitch when Big Ed's around?
DANNY: "How come there's never a crazy
software glitch when Ed's around?"
Software glitch, my ass.
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
DANNY: Big Ed.
What's he doing in there
at 3:00 in the morning?
DANNY: Card key randomiser.
You sneaky CIA son of a bitch.
This is a test.
DANNY: I'll bet he never left town.
- Hey, Ed.
- Hey.
DANNY: Just checking in before I go home.
How's the weather?
DANNY: Not raining, is it?
ED: No, it's beautiful.
ED: Slight breeze, 83 degrees, it's gorgeous.
DANNY: Great.
All right, I just wanted to call to say thanks.
What for?
DANNY: You know,
believing in me, having faith.
DANNY: All right, good night.
ED: Good night, kid.
WOMAN: [Laughing] We're winners!
[Hawaiian instrumental music]
[Upbeat instrumental music]
MIKE: Mr. D, it's Mike.
[People cheering]
- What's the play on Warner?
- Nada.
Walked the floor twice,
took a long look at everything...
and went back to their villa.
Lovely people, though.
Yeah. They've got
the whole Midwestern thing down.
Either this guy is the nicest multimillionaire
I have ever met...
or he's completely screwing with me.
Maybe he's one of those rich people
who never forgot his roots.
Like the Warren Buffet-type?
[Chuckles]
Like a Warren Buffet-type
who doesn't gamble.
Maybe you've got to find his itch.
When I was working in London,
we had this American guy.
Worth millions,
but for days wouldn't lay down a penny.
Finally, I speak with him. Turns out
he really wants to see Big Ben.
I call for a car, we drive to the South Bank,
he sees the clock...
comes back and starts to play.
- And?
- Dropped $2 million in a day and a half.
But he couldn't stop talking
about that big clock.
Found his itch.
'90 Le Pin, Pomerol.
[Chuckles]
- Did you bring the truffles?
- Godiva, sir.
And I see you already sprung
for the presidential suite.
Why don't you zip it?
[Mike chuckling]
Listen. How did the kid do
with the key mess?
- Like a champ, from what I hear.
- Yeah?
[Door opening]
MIKE: How's it going, Mrs. D?
Hi, Mike. Ed's lost his mind.
You all couldn't do this
at the Palms or Mandalay?
JILLIAN: No, we couldn't possibly do that.
Danny has all these connections,
and they would spot Ed in a hot minute.
- Right, honey?
- Yes, darling, you are correct.
MIKE: Okay, so we got a microwave link
to the main bank of cameras...
in the surveillance room at the Montecito.
See, this way, we can see
what Danny sees in real time.
MIKE: Exactly, it's a mirror.
You know, Ed?
I'm having second thoughts about all this.
Why don't you let me handle the pranks?
MIKE: I got a guy that works for me,
can help you out...
and he's not Danny's best friend.
Mike, you gotta lighten up, son.
We'll have a lot of fun, I promise.
It's gonna be a lot of laughs.
ED: It's gonna start about now.
JILLIAN: Eddie.
What am I gonna do with you?
[Women laughing]
So, he's sitting there behind Ed's desk
like he's king of the casino...
Just completely laid back in Ed's chair
with his feet up on the desk.
- So full of himself.
- Then this one leans in so close...
I thought he was going to
spontaneously combust, seriously.
Believe me, I've seen him act like that, too.
Yes, you two had a little thing
once upon a time.
- I never knew that.
- So this puts the two of you...
in the Danny McCoy club.
How was it?
Membership has its privileges, ladies.
- That's it?
- Well, we've both done our part.
Care to make the acting chief of security
a little less secure?
I know just what to do.
Mary, you in?
- I'm in.
- She's in.
ALL: Cheers.
[Whistle blowing]
Hey, you. Lucky Mike.
I need you. What's up, baby?
MIKE: Pardon me?
FRANK: I dropped my clip...
- you told me that poem.
- Right. I remember now, how you doing?
FRANK: Unbelievable.
MIKE: Good.
Fantastic.
[Both chuckling]
- But it's because of you.
- I'm not following.
Man, you touched my money.
You said that mumbo jumbo.
Now my luck's done a complete 180...
but I'm afraid that it's all gonna go south
if you're not with me 24l7.
- Brother, listen...
- Frank.
MIKE: Frank...
I'm not a lucky charm for hire. I have a job.
MIKE: But thank you.
FRANK: Really?
Yeah.
FRANK: What'll it take?
CHARLIE: Run, you son of a bitch!
Look at this. Like he's got
a refrigerator on his back.
- Take it easy, old-timer.
- Old-timer?
I'll give you old-timer. Go, baby, go!
[Game commentator on TV]
It's too late.
I think the safety's gonna catch you.
Steady Eddie Deline.
[Laughing]
- How are you?
- Charlie Blue.
CHARLIE: How are you?
ED: Did you load up on the game?
Are you kidding me? That's a $10 parlay.
So, to what do I owe this pleasure?
Look, I need a little favour.
How'd you like to run
that old Omaha 19 for me?
- With or without the body count?
- We'll do it without.
That's too bad. It's lot more fun with.
Yeah, I understand.
Listen, how long would it take you
to get a crew together?
- This afternoon okay?
- That's my man.
You're the best.
All right, listen, were you planning
on giving this back?
CHARLIE: My goodness.
Yeah, that guy dropped it.
He dropped it, but I'm glad...
I'll track him down.
CHARLIE: That's the guy!
ED: How about that?
ED: [Yelling] Hey!
ED: You moron!
[Cell phone ringing]
ED: What?
DANNY: It's Danny.
DANNY: Everything okay?
ED: Hey, buddy.
Yeah, well, you know how it is.
These crazy Hawaiians, you know,
with their leis and whatnot...
they tend to get a little familiar,
you know what I mean?
DANNY: Yeah, driving you crazy?
ED: What's that?
DANNY: Nothing, just letting you know
everything is fine.
Gotta go.
[All cheering]
Listen, if you guys would like something
a little more discreet...
I could offer you a private gaming area.
- No. I think we're okay here.
- Yeah.
Maybe you would like to see
something outside the hotel...
a little helicopter tour of the Grand Canyon?
Steve Wynn's private art collection.
Maybe you'd like to do some shopping.
I could take you to the Forum shops...
and have Gucci opened specially for you.
You know what? That's so nice, we're fine.
Thanks. We're good.
[Gasps]
Front row for Celine?
Backstage for Tom Jones.
My goodness.
- Say the word. I could set it up.
- No, you've done enough already.
I feel like we'd be taking advantage.
No, please. It's my pleasure.
If there's anything you'd like to see or do...
I mean, anything...
Actually, there is one thing.
Commence Operation Desert Swarm.
[Rhythmic instrumental music]
WOMAN: Ready, Steve? Andy?
Mick?
All right, fellows.
CHARLIE: [Over transmitter] Omaha 19.
Go, go!
[Upbeat rock music]
[Alarm sounding]
Danny? We've got multiple
emergency doors open.
DANNY: Damn it, Ed.
SURVEILLANCE MAN: What?
[Sighs]
Let's put a team together.
Have them meet me there.
[Screaming]
[Upbeat rock music continues]
[Whoopee cushion expelling air]
[Car horn honking]
DANNY: Turn it off. Get out.
MAN: I'm not taking any riders today.
[Cheering]
- I've got an idea.
- What?
Why don't you and I
christen the presidential suite?
ED: Yeah.
[Ed chuckling]
This is too juvenile, even for you.
I love the smell of Metamucil in the morning.
It smells like victory.
Forget it.
God.
FRANK: Come on, baby.
[Frank laughing]
NESSA: What are you doing here?
MIKE: I'm his talisman.
[Frank chuckling]
NESSA: You mean his rabbit's foot.
FRANK: That a boy, Mikey.
Got a hunch, bet a bunch.
NESSA: You know what they say:
"Never kick anything inanimate...
"never fry bacon in the nude...
"and never, ever mess with a man
on a streak."
Play on, player.
[Slow seductive instrumental music]
- Hey, boss.
- Hey!
How did you get in here?
When your father's a spy,
you pick up on a few things.
Better question is, what are you doing here?
DANNY: I was just taking care of some stuff.
DELINDA: I won't tell.
- If you're willing to cooperate.
- Delinda, this is your father's office.
DANNY: I don't think
that this is such a good...
While the cat's away...
Besides, it's a huge turn-on.
DANNY: The cat's a freaking Siberian tiger.
DELINDA: Come on.
It's nothing we haven't done before.
My kitchen counter, your bathroom sink.
DELINDA: Tonight...
I think I want to try my father's desk.
[Danny moaning]
Ed's gotta have a camera
hidden in here somewhere.
Then again, why would he want
to watch himself?
First rule of hooking up, Danny,
is knowing when to shut up.
No, like a mouse. I promise. Okay?
Too late. Your window of opportunity
just slammed shut.
You're totally just messing with me.
"Desert Dreams Motel."
Got you.
- What can I do for you?
- I need your room.
- Sorry, I didn't...
- I'm kicking you out...
on account I got a whale coming in
later today, and this is his lucky suite.
You have a whale?
Obviously, you don't understand
how this town works.
In the gaming trade, we cater to customers
that gamble big money in our casinos.
We call them whales.
You have one slot machine in your lobby.
And this guy is a serious slot jockey.
He pumps quarters in my machine
eight hours at a stretch.
I'm sorry about this, lady.
I'd love to have you back
when I'm not so busy.
JILLIAN: Of course.
Yeah, this is a vacation I'll remember...
for a long, long time.
Thanks for your charm.
What a nice man.
Yes, in Las Vegas, please.
The number of the King Charles Motel.
Thank you. They always have rooms there.
- December 19, 1777.
- What?
Excuse me.
Do you have a suite or a double or...
December 19, 1777.
Washington moves his men to Valley Forge.
So what?
And why did he do that?
Because he couldn't stop the British
from taking Philadelphia...
so he retreated to Valley Forge to regroup.
- And what do we learn from this?
- That we retreat, regroup to fight again.
So I only need two more days, honey.
And you think spending a winter
in Valley Forge was cold?
You know, that's not fair.
FRANK: Triple Red Bull and vodka.
Make that two.
No, I'm done.
If I go home now, I might be able to catch
a couple of hours of sleep.
I get it. What will it take?
Frank, I'm your good luck charm, right?
And I'm telling you, I gotta go home.
Wait.
I didn't want have to tell you this, but...
my wife died two years ago.
FRANK: I'm on disability, just...
Okay? And the bank's gonna take my house.
FRANK: The week after she died...
MIKE: That's the worst lie I've ever heard.
- I'm desperate.
- And I'm done.
FRANK: Okay.
[Pop song playing]
Mike, look.
I know this is not gonna last forever, okay?
But when it ends,
I don't want it to be at the bar...
with me getting hammered.
I want it to be at the tables.
All right.
Let's drink.
DANNY: Hey.
MARY: Hi.
[Sensual instrumental music]
Please don't tell me
you're messing with me, too.
No.
[Sighs]
SAM: Gee, and I thought only locals
knew about this place.
Well, you know, we got our sources.
JANET: You look surprised.
SAM: No.
It's just, you don't seem like
burgers and fries, that's all.
Show me anyone who doesn't like
a big, fat, juicy burger.
Yes. What can I get for you two?
Two Double Luckys, I guess.
Two fries, two chocolate shakes.
And make the burgers gorilla style.
That's where they mix the onions...
and the cheese and the sauce together.
It's great.
SAM: Okay.
JIM: Sam?
- Yes?
- We got this.
- The Montecito can spring for this.
- Come on, I gotta pay for something.
- How about you join us?
- No, I can get something back at the hotel.
You know, we should probably
cancel that order, too.
I don't really feel like eating, either.
- Okay. Three of everything.
- Yeah.
- Gorilla style.
- Right.
[Frank exclaims]
Something must be wrong.
- You touched the chips, right?
- Every one.
- You sure?
- Positive.
Maybe you should kiss them.
Up to 10% carry traces
of the human papilloma virus.
I ain't kissing no chips.
Frank, you're gonna lose everything.
So walk away while you still have
something to walk away with.
Forget about kissing the chips,
just touch them again.
Please?
I have to say that gorilla style rocks.
[Cell phone ringing]
No, you're good.
SAM: This is Sam.
MARY: Sam, it's Mary.
Hi, Mary, what's up?
MARY: The real Warners are here.
They're pissed.
I don't know where you are,
but you better get your butt back here, fast.
- What?
- Is everything all right?
Mr. Warner, Mrs. Warner.
Welcome. There must have been a mix-up
at the front desk.
Mix-ups are for people
who pay for their rooms.
- Do you have any idea what I'm worth?
- Sir, we have the mansion ready.
It is reserved for only
our most coveted guests.
And?
And I've placed a helicopter
and the Montecito jet at your disposal.
- And?
- And I've also reserved a private area...
at our newest restaurant
for you and your wife.
And?
And if there's anything else
that you might require, I can make...
How about you call Mandalay Bay
and tell them we're on our way?
- I assure you, that won't be necessary.
- What else will you offer me?
A free facial? Two for one at the buffet?
I want something personal.
Mr. Warner...
I'm very, very sorry...
and I assure you that nothing like this
will ever happen again.
My wife will take a look at the room.
If she likes it, we'll consider staying.
DANNY: Battle of Inverlochy, 1645.
SURVEILLANCE MAN: Excuse me?
In the middle of winter,
the Marquis of Montrose...
staged a surprise attack
against the Covenanter army.
Just when you think you're safe,
check your defences.
- Give me Camera 122.
- Danny, you really need to get some sleep.
DANNY: Give me 122.
- You want to see the loading dock?
- Yes.
SURVEILLANCE MAN: Just unloading
merchandise for the new jewellery store.
DANNY: Gordon, Wilkes. See?
DANNY: Gordon, Wilkes.
The uniforms don't match the truck.
DANNY: They're different companies.
[Chuckling]
- Nice try, Ed.
- I'll call Metro.
No, don't call Metro.
I'll handle this.
DANNY: How much you think you got?
I figure $2 million, maybe $3 million
in diamonds and gold.
Sound right to you?
I got to admit, I'm a little disappointed.
I expected Ed would come up
with something a little less obvious.
A jewel heist?
Like we haven't seen that a million times.
Why don't you just shut the hell up?
You know what? Even better yet,
let's call him and tell him...
he better come up with something
a little more clever next time.
- Some serious firepower. Nice touch.
- Drop the cell phone, pretty boy.
You guys don't know Ed, do you?
[Danny grunting]
DANNY: Hey.
I'm Danny McCoy.
Montecito Surveillance and Security.
Hey.
How was Hawaii?
MARY: How did it happen?
Same last name, similar check-in date,
one stupid mistake.
They may not be rich,
but they've got one thing no whale ever has.
Gratitude.
So when are you gonna pull
the plug on the dream?
ED: I said no.
You gotta go through the tapes again.
ED: They have to be somewhere. Right.
There's no record of them
having ever left the loading dock.
Maybe they went back into the casino.
- No, they're not inside.
- That's impossible. Nobody just disappears.
ED: We looked everywhere, right?
DANNY: Yeah.
- And they're not in the casino.
- How do you know?
'Cause they're under it.
DANNY: So, I thought
you'd still be in Hawaii.
I decided to come home early.
- Nice time?
- Yeah, you know...
Ten minutes of looking at the ocean,
10 minutes of looking at the sand...
and two days watching
this troupe of monkeys stealing coconuts...
from this tree outside of my room there.
You know, Ed...
there are no monkeys in Hawaii.
Shut up.
[Clattering]
[Fast-paced instrumental music]
That's Ed.
GUEST: Thank you.
WAITRESS: You're welcome. Enjoy.
They told us we could find you here.
We have the most amazing news.
JIM: It's not that big of a deal.
JANET: No, tell her.
All right. She won $200 at blackjack.
That's great.
SAM: Now I have something
I have to tell you guys.
When you checked in,
there was a little bit of a mix-up.
We know. We should have said something,
but we were just having so much fun...
- You're not in trouble, are you?
- No. No trouble.
- It's just that you'll have to...
- You want us to pay for the rooms?
No.
- But you're gonna have to just move out.
- We already packed.
Come closer, sweetheart.
This is not what I ordered.
And if it were, these are raw.
This is overcooked and cold,
and I'm not sure how that can be achieved.
- No, you're staying in your suite.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm positive.
- That's great!
We were gonna run over to the buffet.
You wanna join us?
No. You'll be having dinner here tonight.
Yeah. Right this way.
JANET: Thank you.
We'll never forget this, Sam.
Neither will I.
It's right in there. They'll take care of you.
You kids have a good night.
Hey. You want a limo to the airport?
No, man. I just wanted
to thank you for everything.
You are a genuine brother,
and I appreciate it.
It was a hard lesson,
but I'm glad you finally understand...
the concept of a human good-luck charm
is pretty ludicrous.
Tell me about it.
I was walking around thinking that...
when I suddenly realised it wasn't you at all.
It was the gum.
The gum?
FRANK: From my shoe. Remember?
I realised that my luck turned
when I peeled it off.
I rolled back to the bar, found the gum,
and then rolled back to the tables.
- And how's it going?
- Are you kidding me?
I'm hot. I'm on fire.
- No hard feelings?
- Frank, I hope it lasts, man.
FRANK: Lucky Mike.
MIKE: You the man.
FRANK: All right, take care.
MIKE: Lovely ladies.
SAM: Hey, you.
I was talking to transpo.
You have the jet reserved?
Yeah, we're sending it out
for Tony Bennett in New York.
- Morning or evening?
- Evening.
Perfect. I'm gonna hitch two of my people
on the outbound.
Making a drop-off in Chicago?
No reason Jim and Janet
shouldn't go out in style.
DANNY: Ed, great news.
I just got a call from OneTracker.
They've located your car. Said it was parked
right here in the Montecito garage.
- I guess Jillian forgot where she parked it.
- I could see that happening.
You know, I had the craziest coincidence
happen to me...
while I was on vacation in Hawaii.
I overheard this guy saying
how he ripped off the Montecito Hotel...
with a monkey paw.
DANNY: In Hawaii?
ED: Yeah.
DANNY: And you recovered the stolen coins.
- Imagine the odds.
- Astronomical.
Guess this means you don't trust me
enough to take another vacation for a while.
What are you talking about?
I just promised Jillian...
that I would take her
to some villa in Tuscany.
She was reading about it in a magazine
while we were on vacation in Hawaii.
In Hawaii. Right.
- Hey, welcome back.
- Thank you very much.
[Slow music playing]
Son of a bitch.
[Chuckling]
SUbtitles by The_Viper
Yeah!
[People cheering]
HIGH ROLLER: Yeah!
Friends, Romans, surveillance guys.
I am going on a vacation.
- You're kidding.
- No. Not at all.
Last decent tan I had was Mogadishu.
Jillian, she made this reservation for us
in Hawaii, and we're leaving tomorrow.
DANNY: Blonde at the blackjack table, Pit 7.
Get her off the stool before she falls.
ED: And?
DANNY: Check to see if she's wearing
a MedicAlert bracelet.
DANNY: She may need her meds.
Danny, you think you can handle this?
No offence, but keeping Girls Gone Wild
from toppling off their bar stools...
isn't exactly brain surgery.
- Go, have some fun.
- What about that armoured truck delivery?
Watches and diamonds
for the new jewellery store.
We got them coming through
the loading dock to minimise exposure.
What the hell am I thinking about?
You got it under control.
I don't know what's the matter with me.
Okay, then.
DANNY: Slots 26 left, guy in the striped shirt.
All right, fellows, move in.
I've been watching them
since they came into the casino.
That was great. Okay, I'm going then.
- You have yourself a nice trip.
- All right.
ED: Okay, I'm going.
DANNY: All right.
ED: All right, then.
[Theme music]
Do you really think you should have
your feet up on Big Ed's desk?
Big Ed's probably at a luau right now
patting down Don Ho...
- but don't worry, ladies. Big Danny's here.
- Oh, my God.
The boss isn't gone five minutes,
he's already gone mad.
What, that I'm
an efficient chief of security means...
BOTH: Acting chief.
SAM: Mr. And Mrs. James Warner
of Chicago...
dropped $1.2 million
in three days in Sun City...
and $1.5 million,
two weeks later in Monte Carlo.
Some serious players.
But if they're from Chicago,
why Monaco and South Africa?
Expat moving home. Relocated his
corporate headquarters to Michigan Avenue.
Big cash, but low-key.
They fly totally under the radar.
Yeah, and so should you, by the way.
My only concern is keeping the Montecito
and her employees safe.
Tell me there's something wrong with that.
SAM: Tell me you didn't just call
the Montecito a her.
The Montecito is Ed's world,
and he takes protecting it just as seriously.
- You might wanna take a cue from that.
- I take this place as seriously as he does...
which is why, after five years,
he finally decided to take a vacation...
and leave me in charge.
You do look awfully sexy behind this desk.
[Danny groans]
- Boss.
- Yeah, my God.
NESSA: Is it me, or is it really hot in here?
I'm sorry to disappoint you, ladies,
and I use that term loosely...
but it's time for the big dog to walk the floor.
NESSA: Big dog?
SAM: That's not what I heard.
[Nessa and Sam giggling]
[Cell phone ringing]
Danny McCoy.
ED: Did you make sure
the heads of the VCRs were recalibrated?
ED: I mean, if they miss a line...
DANNY: We get fuzzy playback, I know.
[Girls laughing]
So, how's the Aloha State?
ED: Take care of my casino, Danny.
ED: Are you in my office?
DANNY: No.
[Energetic instrumental music]
MIKE: Welcome to the Montecito.
MIKE: Careful.
FRANK: Son of a...
MIKE: Here, let me give you a hand.
FRANK: Son of a...
[Frank exclaiming disgustedly]
Three days it's been like this.
Worst streak of my life.
MIKE: Sir, you dropped this.
You see what I mean? Thanks, man.
"Fortune leaves always some door open
to come at a remedy." Don Quixote.
Yeah, from your mouth, my friend.
What the hell's with you?
We told you, no red-headed dealers.
GAMBLER: I just dropped $50,000,
in like, 10 minutes.
Yes, and I apologise.
But at least she wasn't at your table.
- She wasn't even in your pit.
- We don't care, we hate redheads.
If I see anything red again,
we go to Mandalay Bay.
I promise...
that I will personally check the hair colour
of every dealer on the next shift.
Excuse me. Jim and Janet Warner
from Chicago.
JIM: Could you tell us
where the front desk is?
The Warners. Hi, I'm Sam, your casino host.
You're a bit early.
Yeah, we had tailwinds is what the pilot said.
SAM: How was your trip?
- It was great. Good flight.
- Yeah.
SAM: These boys
are gonna take your luggage.
JANET: Thanks.
BELLHOP: Sir, may I?
I'll keep this, thanks.
Welcome to the Montecito.
We're really happy to have you here.
Thanks.
[Upbeat instrumental music]
[People cheering loudly]
[Sighs]
FRANK: Money plays.
DEALER: Money plays a hundred.
Hundred, money plays.
Yes!
[Exclaims]
FRANK: God.
Keep it going, man. Yeah, give it to me.
Nice little run.
Yeah.
"Fortune leaves always some open door."
CROUPIER: Six the hard way!
[People cheering]
MAN 2: You kidding me?
[Tense instrumental music]
DANNY: Slots 5 right.
SECURITY GUARD: I can't get a clear view.
MARY: Danny, what are you doing?
DANNY: A monkey's paw.
MARY: A monkey's what? What is going on?
Guy at the slot machine is sticking a rod
up the coin tray to make it pay off.
DANNY: It's called a monkey's paw.
We got a monkey's paw.
[Woman screaming]
DANNY: Which one had the money?
SECURITY GUARD: West entrance, outside.
[Motorcycle engines revving]
THIEF: Get out of here!
DANNY: Damn it.
[Cell phone ringing]
DANNY: Yeah, I just lost them.
ED: Who?
DANNY: Ed!
The day shift just took off
and the replacements just replaced them.
ED: You sound out of breath.
DANNY: No.
[Stammering] It's the wind.
ED: Inside the casino?
DANNY: I'm in the west valet parking area.
ED: Is everything okay?
DANNY: Yeah, everything's better than okay.
ED: Because I know, that you'd call me...
- if everything wasn't okay, right?
- Of course.
I gotta go.
[Soft jazzy piano music playing]
Here we go.
- This is not what we were expecting.
- If it's not to your liking, I can change...
- No, it's fine, isn't it honey?
- Yeah.
Good. Hans? This is Hans-Carl and Richard,
your private butlers.
SAM: They're on call 24 hours
for your every wish.
Of course you have your own private spa,
masseuse, personal trainer.
Guys. I'm Jim, this is Janet.
JANET: Hi.
JIM: We're from Chicago.
Thank you. Okay.
If you'd like a line of credit,
I could facilitate that for you right away.
Actually, we brought cash.
Okay. Well, right down the hall
are the bedrooms...
the Jacuzzi...
and here's your balcony.
Here's my personal cell phone.
I'm also available 24 hours
for anything you might require.
We would never bother you at night.
That would be rude.
Okay. I'll leave you two to explore.
And enjoy your stay.
JIM: Okay.
Sam? Thanks.
You're welcome.
When's the last time you heard
of somebody using a monkey's paw?
SURVEILLANCE MAN: Long time.
Did you run the look-alike
scenario through Griffin?
And Metro. Cops never heard
of anything like it either.
These guys were pros, man.
But they only took us for $300.
It doesn't make any sense.
SHERRY: Danny,
Sherry on room assignments.
We've got a software glitch down here.
The room key cards are deactivated
and the guests are locked out.
DANNY: How many rooms?
SHERRY: Four hundred.
DANNY: What?
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
DANNY: All right, left side odd,
right side even floors...
and check IDs before you let any guests
back in the rooms. Let's go.
Anybody bitches, give them a buffet comp.
DANNY: Hello.
GUEST: I went to go get ice...
and now my card won't let me
back into my room.
Maybe you could help me?
[Cell phone ringing]
Yeah.
ED: I called the surveillance room,
you weren't there.
ED: Where are you?
DANNY: By the elevators.
ED: Danny, you listening to me?
- Could you get her a buffet comp?
- Is it all you can eat?
ED: What is going on?
Just had a few guests
locked out of their rooms, that's all.
ED: Listen, so the guy in charge
is letting them back in?
DANNY: Acting guy in charge.
Just a little software glitch
in some of the key cards. It's handled.
- I need at least five of your best guys.
- No, I'm already short-staffed.
The Warners have a suitcase
full of cash in the villa.
How much?
Based on past play at other properties,
I would guess over $1 million.
DANNY: All right. I'm on it.
SAM: You want to tell me what's going on?
Just some crazy software glitch.
How come there's never a crazy
software glitch when Big Ed's around?
DANNY: "How come there's never a crazy
software glitch when Ed's around?"
Software glitch, my ass.
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
DANNY: Big Ed.
What's he doing in there
at 3:00 in the morning?
DANNY: Card key randomiser.
You sneaky CIA son of a bitch.
This is a test.
DANNY: I'll bet he never left town.
- Hey, Ed.
- Hey.
DANNY: Just checking in before I go home.
How's the weather?
DANNY: Not raining, is it?
ED: No, it's beautiful.
ED: Slight breeze, 83 degrees, it's gorgeous.
DANNY: Great.
All right, I just wanted to call to say thanks.
What for?
DANNY: You know,
believing in me, having faith.
DANNY: All right, good night.
ED: Good night, kid.
WOMAN: [Laughing] We're winners!
[Hawaiian instrumental music]
[Upbeat instrumental music]
MIKE: Mr. D, it's Mike.
[People cheering]
- What's the play on Warner?
- Nada.
Walked the floor twice,
took a long look at everything...
and went back to their villa.
Lovely people, though.
Yeah. They've got
the whole Midwestern thing down.
Either this guy is the nicest multimillionaire
I have ever met...
or he's completely screwing with me.
Maybe he's one of those rich people
who never forgot his roots.
Like the Warren Buffet-type?
[Chuckles]
Like a Warren Buffet-type
who doesn't gamble.
Maybe you've got to find his itch.
When I was working in London,
we had this American guy.
Worth millions,
but for days wouldn't lay down a penny.
Finally, I speak with him. Turns out
he really wants to see Big Ben.
I call for a car, we drive to the South Bank,
he sees the clock...
comes back and starts to play.
- And?
- Dropped $2 million in a day and a half.
But he couldn't stop talking
about that big clock.
Found his itch.
'90 Le Pin, Pomerol.
[Chuckles]
- Did you bring the truffles?
- Godiva, sir.
And I see you already sprung
for the presidential suite.
Why don't you zip it?
[Mike chuckling]
Listen. How did the kid do
with the key mess?
- Like a champ, from what I hear.
- Yeah?
[Door opening]
MIKE: How's it going, Mrs. D?
Hi, Mike. Ed's lost his mind.
You all couldn't do this
at the Palms or Mandalay?
JILLIAN: No, we couldn't possibly do that.
Danny has all these connections,
and they would spot Ed in a hot minute.
- Right, honey?
- Yes, darling, you are correct.
MIKE: Okay, so we got a microwave link
to the main bank of cameras...
in the surveillance room at the Montecito.
See, this way, we can see
what Danny sees in real time.
MIKE: Exactly, it's a mirror.
You know, Ed?
I'm having second thoughts about all this.
Why don't you let me handle the pranks?
MIKE: I got a guy that works for me,
can help you out...
and he's not Danny's best friend.
Mike, you gotta lighten up, son.
We'll have a lot of fun, I promise.
It's gonna be a lot of laughs.
ED: It's gonna start about now.
JILLIAN: Eddie.
What am I gonna do with you?
[Women laughing]
So, he's sitting there behind Ed's desk
like he's king of the casino...
Just completely laid back in Ed's chair
with his feet up on the desk.
- So full of himself.
- Then this one leans in so close...
I thought he was going to
spontaneously combust, seriously.
Believe me, I've seen him act like that, too.
Yes, you two had a little thing
once upon a time.
- I never knew that.
- So this puts the two of you...
in the Danny McCoy club.
How was it?
Membership has its privileges, ladies.
- That's it?
- Well, we've both done our part.
Care to make the acting chief of security
a little less secure?
I know just what to do.
Mary, you in?
- I'm in.
- She's in.
ALL: Cheers.
[Whistle blowing]
Hey, you. Lucky Mike.
I need you. What's up, baby?
MIKE: Pardon me?
FRANK: I dropped my clip...
- you told me that poem.
- Right. I remember now, how you doing?
FRANK: Unbelievable.
MIKE: Good.
Fantastic.
[Both chuckling]
- But it's because of you.
- I'm not following.
Man, you touched my money.
You said that mumbo jumbo.
Now my luck's done a complete 180...
but I'm afraid that it's all gonna go south
if you're not with me 24l7.
- Brother, listen...
- Frank.
MIKE: Frank...
I'm not a lucky charm for hire. I have a job.
MIKE: But thank you.
FRANK: Really?
Yeah.
FRANK: What'll it take?
CHARLIE: Run, you son of a bitch!
Look at this. Like he's got
a refrigerator on his back.
- Take it easy, old-timer.
- Old-timer?
I'll give you old-timer. Go, baby, go!
[Game commentator on TV]
It's too late.
I think the safety's gonna catch you.
Steady Eddie Deline.
[Laughing]
- How are you?
- Charlie Blue.
CHARLIE: How are you?
ED: Did you load up on the game?
Are you kidding me? That's a $10 parlay.
So, to what do I owe this pleasure?
Look, I need a little favour.
How'd you like to run
that old Omaha 19 for me?
- With or without the body count?
- We'll do it without.
That's too bad. It's lot more fun with.
Yeah, I understand.
Listen, how long would it take you
to get a crew together?
- This afternoon okay?
- That's my man.
You're the best.
All right, listen, were you planning
on giving this back?
CHARLIE: My goodness.
Yeah, that guy dropped it.
He dropped it, but I'm glad...
I'll track him down.
CHARLIE: That's the guy!
ED: How about that?
ED: [Yelling] Hey!
ED: You moron!
[Cell phone ringing]
ED: What?
DANNY: It's Danny.
DANNY: Everything okay?
ED: Hey, buddy.
Yeah, well, you know how it is.
These crazy Hawaiians, you know,
with their leis and whatnot...
they tend to get a little familiar,
you know what I mean?
DANNY: Yeah, driving you crazy?
ED: What's that?
DANNY: Nothing, just letting you know
everything is fine.
Gotta go.
[All cheering]
Listen, if you guys would like something
a little more discreet...
I could offer you a private gaming area.
- No. I think we're okay here.
- Yeah.
Maybe you would like to see
something outside the hotel...
a little helicopter tour of the Grand Canyon?
Steve Wynn's private art collection.
Maybe you'd like to do some shopping.
I could take you to the Forum shops...
and have Gucci opened specially for you.
You know what? That's so nice, we're fine.
Thanks. We're good.
[Gasps]
Front row for Celine?
Backstage for Tom Jones.
My goodness.
- Say the word. I could set it up.
- No, you've done enough already.
I feel like we'd be taking advantage.
No, please. It's my pleasure.
If there's anything you'd like to see or do...
I mean, anything...
Actually, there is one thing.
Commence Operation Desert Swarm.
[Rhythmic instrumental music]
WOMAN: Ready, Steve? Andy?
Mick?
All right, fellows.
CHARLIE: [Over transmitter] Omaha 19.
Go, go!
[Upbeat rock music]
[Alarm sounding]
Danny? We've got multiple
emergency doors open.
DANNY: Damn it, Ed.
SURVEILLANCE MAN: What?
[Sighs]
Let's put a team together.
Have them meet me there.
[Screaming]
[Upbeat rock music continues]
[Whoopee cushion expelling air]
[Car horn honking]
DANNY: Turn it off. Get out.
MAN: I'm not taking any riders today.
[Cheering]
- I've got an idea.
- What?
Why don't you and I
christen the presidential suite?
ED: Yeah.
[Ed chuckling]
This is too juvenile, even for you.
I love the smell of Metamucil in the morning.
It smells like victory.
Forget it.
God.
FRANK: Come on, baby.
[Frank laughing]
NESSA: What are you doing here?
MIKE: I'm his talisman.
[Frank chuckling]
NESSA: You mean his rabbit's foot.
FRANK: That a boy, Mikey.
Got a hunch, bet a bunch.
NESSA: You know what they say:
"Never kick anything inanimate...
"never fry bacon in the nude...
"and never, ever mess with a man
on a streak."
Play on, player.
[Slow seductive instrumental music]
- Hey, boss.
- Hey!
How did you get in here?
When your father's a spy,
you pick up on a few things.
Better question is, what are you doing here?
DANNY: I was just taking care of some stuff.
DELINDA: I won't tell.
- If you're willing to cooperate.
- Delinda, this is your father's office.
DANNY: I don't think
that this is such a good...
While the cat's away...
Besides, it's a huge turn-on.
DANNY: The cat's a freaking Siberian tiger.
DELINDA: Come on.
It's nothing we haven't done before.
My kitchen counter, your bathroom sink.
DELINDA: Tonight...
I think I want to try my father's desk.
[Danny moaning]
Ed's gotta have a camera
hidden in here somewhere.
Then again, why would he want
to watch himself?
First rule of hooking up, Danny,
is knowing when to shut up.
No, like a mouse. I promise. Okay?
Too late. Your window of opportunity
just slammed shut.
You're totally just messing with me.
"Desert Dreams Motel."
Got you.
- What can I do for you?
- I need your room.
- Sorry, I didn't...
- I'm kicking you out...
on account I got a whale coming in
later today, and this is his lucky suite.
You have a whale?
Obviously, you don't understand
how this town works.
In the gaming trade, we cater to customers
that gamble big money in our casinos.
We call them whales.
You have one slot machine in your lobby.
And this guy is a serious slot jockey.
He pumps quarters in my machine
eight hours at a stretch.
I'm sorry about this, lady.
I'd love to have you back
when I'm not so busy.
JILLIAN: Of course.
Yeah, this is a vacation I'll remember...
for a long, long time.
Thanks for your charm.
What a nice man.
Yes, in Las Vegas, please.
The number of the King Charles Motel.
Thank you. They always have rooms there.
- December 19, 1777.
- What?
Excuse me.
Do you have a suite or a double or...
December 19, 1777.
Washington moves his men to Valley Forge.
So what?
And why did he do that?
Because he couldn't stop the British
from taking Philadelphia...
so he retreated to Valley Forge to regroup.
- And what do we learn from this?
- That we retreat, regroup to fight again.
So I only need two more days, honey.
And you think spending a winter
in Valley Forge was cold?
You know, that's not fair.
FRANK: Triple Red Bull and vodka.
Make that two.
No, I'm done.
If I go home now, I might be able to catch
a couple of hours of sleep.
I get it. What will it take?
Frank, I'm your good luck charm, right?
And I'm telling you, I gotta go home.
Wait.
I didn't want have to tell you this, but...
my wife died two years ago.
FRANK: I'm on disability, just...
Okay? And the bank's gonna take my house.
FRANK: The week after she died...
MIKE: That's the worst lie I've ever heard.
- I'm desperate.
- And I'm done.
FRANK: Okay.
[Pop song playing]
Mike, look.
I know this is not gonna last forever, okay?
But when it ends,
I don't want it to be at the bar...
with me getting hammered.
I want it to be at the tables.
All right.
Let's drink.
DANNY: Hey.
MARY: Hi.
[Sensual instrumental music]
Please don't tell me
you're messing with me, too.
No.
[Sighs]
SAM: Gee, and I thought only locals
knew about this place.
Well, you know, we got our sources.
JANET: You look surprised.
SAM: No.
It's just, you don't seem like
burgers and fries, that's all.
Show me anyone who doesn't like
a big, fat, juicy burger.
Yes. What can I get for you two?
Two Double Luckys, I guess.
Two fries, two chocolate shakes.
And make the burgers gorilla style.
That's where they mix the onions...
and the cheese and the sauce together.
It's great.
SAM: Okay.
JIM: Sam?
- Yes?
- We got this.
- The Montecito can spring for this.
- Come on, I gotta pay for something.
- How about you join us?
- No, I can get something back at the hotel.
You know, we should probably
cancel that order, too.
I don't really feel like eating, either.
- Okay. Three of everything.
- Yeah.
- Gorilla style.
- Right.
[Frank exclaims]
Something must be wrong.
- You touched the chips, right?
- Every one.
- You sure?
- Positive.
Maybe you should kiss them.
Up to 10% carry traces
of the human papilloma virus.
I ain't kissing no chips.
Frank, you're gonna lose everything.
So walk away while you still have
something to walk away with.
Forget about kissing the chips,
just touch them again.
Please?
I have to say that gorilla style rocks.
[Cell phone ringing]
No, you're good.
SAM: This is Sam.
MARY: Sam, it's Mary.
Hi, Mary, what's up?
MARY: The real Warners are here.
They're pissed.
I don't know where you are,
but you better get your butt back here, fast.
- What?
- Is everything all right?
Mr. Warner, Mrs. Warner.
Welcome. There must have been a mix-up
at the front desk.
Mix-ups are for people
who pay for their rooms.
- Do you have any idea what I'm worth?
- Sir, we have the mansion ready.
It is reserved for only
our most coveted guests.
And?
And I've placed a helicopter
and the Montecito jet at your disposal.
- And?
- And I've also reserved a private area...
at our newest restaurant
for you and your wife.
And?
And if there's anything else
that you might require, I can make...
How about you call Mandalay Bay
and tell them we're on our way?
- I assure you, that won't be necessary.
- What else will you offer me?
A free facial? Two for one at the buffet?
I want something personal.
Mr. Warner...
I'm very, very sorry...
and I assure you that nothing like this
will ever happen again.
My wife will take a look at the room.
If she likes it, we'll consider staying.
DANNY: Battle of Inverlochy, 1645.
SURVEILLANCE MAN: Excuse me?
In the middle of winter,
the Marquis of Montrose...
staged a surprise attack
against the Covenanter army.
Just when you think you're safe,
check your defences.
- Give me Camera 122.
- Danny, you really need to get some sleep.
DANNY: Give me 122.
- You want to see the loading dock?
- Yes.
SURVEILLANCE MAN: Just unloading
merchandise for the new jewellery store.
DANNY: Gordon, Wilkes. See?
DANNY: Gordon, Wilkes.
The uniforms don't match the truck.
DANNY: They're different companies.
[Chuckling]
- Nice try, Ed.
- I'll call Metro.
No, don't call Metro.
I'll handle this.
DANNY: How much you think you got?
I figure $2 million, maybe $3 million
in diamonds and gold.
Sound right to you?
I got to admit, I'm a little disappointed.
I expected Ed would come up
with something a little less obvious.
A jewel heist?
Like we haven't seen that a million times.
Why don't you just shut the hell up?
You know what? Even better yet,
let's call him and tell him...
he better come up with something
a little more clever next time.
- Some serious firepower. Nice touch.
- Drop the cell phone, pretty boy.
You guys don't know Ed, do you?
[Danny grunting]
DANNY: Hey.
I'm Danny McCoy.
Montecito Surveillance and Security.
Hey.
How was Hawaii?
MARY: How did it happen?
Same last name, similar check-in date,
one stupid mistake.
They may not be rich,
but they've got one thing no whale ever has.
Gratitude.
So when are you gonna pull
the plug on the dream?
ED: I said no.
You gotta go through the tapes again.
ED: They have to be somewhere. Right.
There's no record of them
having ever left the loading dock.
Maybe they went back into the casino.
- No, they're not inside.
- That's impossible. Nobody just disappears.
ED: We looked everywhere, right?
DANNY: Yeah.
- And they're not in the casino.
- How do you know?
'Cause they're under it.
DANNY: So, I thought
you'd still be in Hawaii.
I decided to come home early.
- Nice time?
- Yeah, you know...
Ten minutes of looking at the ocean,
10 minutes of looking at the sand...
and two days watching
this troupe of monkeys stealing coconuts...
from this tree outside of my room there.
You know, Ed...
there are no monkeys in Hawaii.
Shut up.
[Clattering]
[Fast-paced instrumental music]
That's Ed.
GUEST: Thank you.
WAITRESS: You're welcome. Enjoy.
They told us we could find you here.
We have the most amazing news.
JIM: It's not that big of a deal.
JANET: No, tell her.
All right. She won $200 at blackjack.
That's great.
SAM: Now I have something
I have to tell you guys.
When you checked in,
there was a little bit of a mix-up.
We know. We should have said something,
but we were just having so much fun...
- You're not in trouble, are you?
- No. No trouble.
- It's just that you'll have to...
- You want us to pay for the rooms?
No.
- But you're gonna have to just move out.
- We already packed.
Come closer, sweetheart.
This is not what I ordered.
And if it were, these are raw.
This is overcooked and cold,
and I'm not sure how that can be achieved.
- No, you're staying in your suite.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm positive.
- That's great!
We were gonna run over to the buffet.
You wanna join us?
No. You'll be having dinner here tonight.
Yeah. Right this way.
JANET: Thank you.
We'll never forget this, Sam.
Neither will I.
It's right in there. They'll take care of you.
You kids have a good night.
Hey. You want a limo to the airport?
No, man. I just wanted
to thank you for everything.
You are a genuine brother,
and I appreciate it.
It was a hard lesson,
but I'm glad you finally understand...
the concept of a human good-luck charm
is pretty ludicrous.
Tell me about it.
I was walking around thinking that...
when I suddenly realised it wasn't you at all.
It was the gum.
The gum?
FRANK: From my shoe. Remember?
I realised that my luck turned
when I peeled it off.
I rolled back to the bar, found the gum,
and then rolled back to the tables.
- And how's it going?
- Are you kidding me?
I'm hot. I'm on fire.
- No hard feelings?
- Frank, I hope it lasts, man.
FRANK: Lucky Mike.
MIKE: You the man.
FRANK: All right, take care.
MIKE: Lovely ladies.
SAM: Hey, you.
I was talking to transpo.
You have the jet reserved?
Yeah, we're sending it out
for Tony Bennett in New York.
- Morning or evening?
- Evening.
Perfect. I'm gonna hitch two of my people
on the outbound.
Making a drop-off in Chicago?
No reason Jim and Janet
shouldn't go out in style.
DANNY: Ed, great news.
I just got a call from OneTracker.
They've located your car. Said it was parked
right here in the Montecito garage.
- I guess Jillian forgot where she parked it.
- I could see that happening.
You know, I had the craziest coincidence
happen to me...
while I was on vacation in Hawaii.
I overheard this guy saying
how he ripped off the Montecito Hotel...
with a monkey paw.
DANNY: In Hawaii?
ED: Yeah.
DANNY: And you recovered the stolen coins.
- Imagine the odds.
- Astronomical.
Guess this means you don't trust me
enough to take another vacation for a while.
What are you talking about?
I just promised Jillian...
that I would take her
to some villa in Tuscany.
She was reading about it in a magazine
while we were on vacation in Hawaii.
In Hawaii. Right.
- Hey, welcome back.
- Thank you very much.
[Slow music playing]
Son of a bitch.
[Chuckling]
SUbtitles by The_Viper