LOL: Last One Laughing Netherlands (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
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Welcome to Last One Laughing.
Ten comedians will sit here
for six hours with just one goal.
To make each other laugh.
The rules are simple.
If you laugh, you're out.
The last one standing
will take this trophy home
and 50,000 euros to donate to charity.
They have everything.
A dressing room, a stage, even a toilet.
The latter features a toilet brush
that instantly reminds me
of the mustache
of my dear friend and co-host,
Jeroom Snelders.
The dressing room is packed with props
the comedians can use
to make each other laugh.
I have to say, they're hilarious.
-Nice hat.
-Thanks.
By the way, I just did a huge number two
in the toilet.
I don't expect
any laughs coming from there.
We have some lockers here,
where they can put the props they brought.
And there's not much to chuckle about here
because I did number two, too.
Here we have the control room.
It has a wall full of screens
that allows us to watch
the comedians' every move.
-Rather impressive, don't you think?
-Sure. But what does that camera show?
That's my wife at home. I like to keep
an eye on her when I'm abroad.
-For safety reasons.
-I understand.
-She has a visit from the gardener.
-We don't have a garden.
He's working up quite a sweat.
Anyway, let's take a look at the comedians
who'll be locked up here for six hours.
Look who it is. Ruben van der Meer.
A world-famous member of De Lama's.
He has amazing improv skills.
De Lama's sold out four nights
at the Ziggo Dome.
If you don't know me, fuck you.
How high up do we have to go?
He's talking to the elevator.
One last time.
There we are.
To all the people I offended
by saying fuck you...
I apologize.
Who is this for?
We were told to avoid Dutch stereotypes
and then he walks in
with a bag with tulips.
It definitely won't be easy,
because I just love to laugh.
So that's going to be
a real problem for me.
Nothing.
Such a disappointment.
My name is Henry Van Loon.
I'm a comedian, and I'm here to win.
I feel like I'm watching Sesame Street.
-It's not Sara Kroos after all.
-I should hope not.
They're happy to see each other.
Henry Van Loon walked in.
I was excited to see him.
He's going to make it fun and challenging,
because I find him hilarious.
I'll tell you the secret to this game.
-What?
-Instant meditation.
With your dog.
I'll be fine not being allowed to laugh.
I don't laugh that easily.
Only a few people can make me laugh.
Hopefully they won't be here.
Nienke Plas.
She's very popular in the Netherlands,
with over 600,000 followers on Instagram,
including one in the bushes
outside of her house.
I've never seen
anyone else there, at least.
I'm Nienke Plas.
You may recognize me from the "net."
Movies. I also do theatre work.
I almost forgot.
-Hey!
-Hey.
The doors open and I see Ruben and Henry.
Bad news.
-Miss Plas.
-Yes.
-You're here? It's Miss Plas.
-Hi.
-Hug?
-Of course.
-How are you?
-Good.
-I see you've gotten comfortable.
-How nice.
-Hi, Henry. You look amazing.
-Don't I? So do you.
I'm the comedian Roué Verveer,
and these people are in for a challenge.
Because wherever I go, laughter ensues.
Whether you like it or not.
Even I have to crack a smile.
I have a feeling this man won't last
a single minute in this house.
He can't stop laughing.
-Roué.
-You see? He immediately starts smiling.
I'm my own worst enemy.
Because I laugh very easily.
I don't even realize it.
-I knew it.
-Ladies first.
-Of course.
-Of course.
-How are you?
-Great, and you?
-Hey, man. How are you?
-Henry Van Loon.
Dude.
Isn't this nice?
Let's see how long I can keep it up.
One, two, three...
Bas Hoeflaak. He's known
for his Sluipschutters sketches.
He's the only genuine actor of the group.
I'm sure he'll show off his acting skills
by pretending he's glad to see everybody.
Here I am. I'm a contestant,
or rather a participant.
Like that.
I wonder who's next.
I would hate to see Henry Van Loon.
That would be a challenge.
I think he's very funny.
Well!
I get out of the elevator,
and I see Henry Van Loon.
That's what I was afraid of.
At least it makes for an exciting game.
Hi!
-I play the bass.
-Hi.
I was afraid Bas would be here. Damn.
Just seeing Bas' stubby neck
and grumpy face already makes me laugh.
-Let me settle in.
-I'm doing something...
Nice to see you all.
-Funny.
-He's going to be a massive problem.
We were just saying that Henry
-has the best chance of winning.
-Chance. Yes.
-But looking at Bas...
-The best chance.
Tineke Schouten, comedian.
Or humorist, if you will.
I'm excited to be here.
We'll see what happens.
In her 35 years as a comedian,
Tineke has put out 23 shows.
She's the queen of characters
and an amazing songwriter.
You just have to do nothing.
-No emotions.
-You still can...
Not yet.
You're still free to laugh.
We haven't started yet.
So I'll just have a final laugh.
-If you go down you're taking us with you.
-I'm a kamikaze smiler.
-Yes!
-Yes!
Look who it is.
Well, well, guys.
Tineke Schouten. We've never actually met,
but anyone who's doing comedy
recognizes Tineke as a legend.
-I'll get up. Hello, ma'am.
-This is so great.
A true legend joining us.
Absolutely brilliant.
-Nienke. We know each other already.
-Hello.
-Good to see you.
-Absolutely.
When I was a little girl,
I used to love her supermarket character.
She cracked me up.
And then we have Rayen Panday.
Who hasn't heard of him?
-You can let that go in here.
-That's true.
Look who it is.
How great.
I'll participate.
I'm the comedian Rayen Panday.
For six hours,
I'm going to keep myself from laughing.
-Why are we in a circle?
-It was just set up this way.
He's already complaining.
Yes, we're in a circle.
My name is Alex Ploeg.
I'm a comedian, humorist, lover.
Who's there?
Okay.
It's Alex.
Piece of cake.
Alex Ploeg is to Dutch comedy
what Johan Cruyff is to Dutch volleyball.
Yes.
-I was expecting real comedians.
-So were we.
What am I doing here?
I already want to go home.
-How many are still to come?
-Two more.
Gerard Cox?
My God!
I'm Soundos El Ahmadi.
An introduction is unnecessary,
I'm an A-lister.
The only one here.
You might think
she has already gone belly-up. But no.
This is completely her husband's fault.
She's pregnant.
-A legend.
-That's so wonderful.
Tineke Schouten.
She's nothing short of a comedy queen.
You can already see the level is rising.
-I'm referring to the sound level.
-No way.
Wow.
Who is it?
My name is Stefano Keizers.
I'm a 34-year-old comedian.
This guy is a loose cannon.
Who's the funniest of the bunch?
I spent my childhood
watching action movies.
No one ever smiles in them.
So I figured I would try it myself.
-Let's make a bet.
-Who am I supposed to be?
I've always felt having a sense of humor
is like being an assassin.
Now I can finally prove it.
Jeroom, everybody is here.
Let's go introduce ourselves.
Yeah. Good idea.
Magic. Magic kitchen.
Who is it?
Hello, everyone.
Welcome to our home.
You already have quite a party going on.
That will soon have to change,
because we are the show's hosts
as well as the judges.
It's smart picking those two men,
because you can't get anyone
more stoic or emotionless than them.
We might be silly Belgians,
but we're also
world-famous laugh spotters.
Okay?
Our only rule for next six hours is
we don't want to see any laughter.
I won't be laughing for seven hours.
I will laugh once I'm home.
And even at home I won't be laughing.
There are cameras installed in this house.
Look closely.
They will immediately spot if you laugh.
This won't work. I'm going home.
We can keep a close eye on you.
The game starts with this sound.
That means no more laughter is allowed.
If you hear this...
The game is paused and you may relax.
Of course we aren't savages.
Everyone deserves a second chance.
The first time you laugh,
you will get a warning
that looks like this.
The second time you laugh,
you're officially eliminated.
There is also a stage here.
If somebody is on it,
it means that he or she will perform.
If you hit the gong,
everyone is obligated to come and see you.
I thought, "What did I get myself into?"
And why are we doing this?
The last one standing
wins this ugly trophy,
and more importantly, 50,000 euros
to give a charity of your choosing.
50,000 euros. That's quite something.
And then the most difficult part
for you Dutch people,
effectively giving
those 50,000 euros to a charity.
Any questions?
-What is considered laughing?
-Everything.
Even a grin,
lifting the corners of your mouth...
No grinning, no...
Nothing.
I thought, "I'll be eliminated first."
-We will be strict.
-What about "smizing"?
-No.
-Yes, that's okay.
What about laughing under you breath?
-No.
-That wasn't even under your breath.
And there's one small rule. If you want
to touch each other intimately,
you have to ask for permission first.
You may touch me.
Not happening.
Soundos secretly wants everyone
to touch her, but I won't fall for it.
But we don't have to, right?
No, okay.
No more questions?
Then good luck to all of you.
Say you're having
a friendly chat like this,
and you ask, "How's your mother?"
-Can you...
-No, then you're out.
If I have to look so serious
the whole time,
it will make my mouth look like an anus.
We're leaving.
And Roué, we'll see you in two minutes.
Should I walk with you now?
-Good luck.
-That's what his wife said last night.
Okay, well.
Piece of cake.
I need some water.
Don't laugh.
Whatever happens.
I have to laugh now. But that's okay.
I can still laugh now.
Okay, Jeroom.
We're in the control room.
Let's enjoy our 30 seconds without Roué.
Okay. Don't try to make me laugh.
Can I sit here?
-Then I won't try make you laugh.
-Yes.
This is crazy.
Coffee?
You don't really know
how it's going to be, right?
But we haven't started yet.
First there's the trumpet.
The least attractive show host
should push the button.
I suggest that...
The sound. The green light.
Then you know it has started.
Everyone will find their spot.
Nobody really knows what they will do.
Seriously. It's immediately quiet.
-Well.
-I'm grabbing some water.
Well.
Everyone stops talking right away.
A psycho came up with this idea.
Ten comedians in a house
who have to make each other laugh.
-Soundos left right away.
-Right.
Or she's going to sleep.
That would make sense.
You feel the tension in the room.
And Henry is nervously
walking around the house.
-Everyone, you see?
-Ruben, too.
I didn't really know what to do.
Some were sitting quietly in a corner.
I was walking around.
I wanted to release some tension.
If I sit still and Bas comes my way,
I'm out. Because I'm not protected.
Everyone is thinking how to keep up
six hours like this without laughing.
Rayen is putting his pedometer to work.
I have to figure out a way to survive.
Too many of them can make me laugh.
So I have to always be on the move.
Hopefully it helps.
Soundos is... What is she doing?
The wrong way.
-She is really...
-We only just started two minutes ago.
What's she up to?
This is baby Henk.
Have you ever seen such an ugly child?
If you go to a baby shower
and you see this, you couldn't lie, right?
I want to walk in quickly with baby Henk,
because if I'm quick, I'll surprise them
before they are focused.
I think that's pretty funny.
Sorry, sometimes this happens.
Soundos was walking in and was dragging
a half-born baby behind her.
I thought, "We're quickly
going from zero to a hundred."
This has been happening for years.
He sometimes comes out for 15 minutes.
-Ruben is struggling.
-He is struggling already.
He has grown a bit old.
A little Soundos.
-Be careful.
-Does he look like me?
-For the dog?
-He has your legs.
Rayen is drinking non-stop.
He is going to walk around now.
Henry keeps walking around.
-My God.
-He wants to reach 10,000 steps today.
-Why is he blonde?
-Beats me.
-Is that a tattoo?
-Those are drag marks.
Bedsores.
Soundos comes in with the baby coming out
of her vagina and I find that funny.
I was worried I'd burst out laughing.
This giant gumdrop has gone bad.
Is Rayen hiding?
You can't say anything about these
foreigners yelling racism all the time.
-Yes, that's Henk.
-The baby can talk.
-No, Soundos.
-Don't walk around again.
When she walks around it's the worst.
Rayen, he's struggling.
He's having a hard time.
-He's struggling so hard.
-He won't last five more minutes.
He's struggling.
-We are just five minutes in.
-I understand it.
I'd be dying too.
What was that?
They found the pop-up snake.
What was that? Did you open it?
Those Belgians set the whole place
with booby traps.
You open a drawer, and something pops up,
so you have to be careful.
-Do what you want.
-Soundos, another baby.
It matches your dress.
What's that?
-It came out of the coffee table.
-Yeah.
-To startle us?
-Yes, and it didn't really work.
I got startled, but...
Stefano is preparing himself for an act.
This situation can be dangerous.
-The gong.
-That was the gong.
He raised the stakes.
After that fantastic act by Soundos
I think it's time for even more fun.
I'm going to sing a song
I have written for this program.
I thought, "I'm going to set the standard,
and start right away,
so that I can feel out
how the others react to my humor."
Come have a look
At what's in my boot
These presents were all given to me
By good old Saint Nicolas
A doll with pigtails of chocolate
Don't underestimate the difficulty
of performing for people who won't laugh.
A chocolate video game console
A letter made of
Chocolate
For the second verse,
I need you to turn around.
Okay, I'm ready.
Come have a look
At what's in my boot
I'm hoping the duller my act is,
the more they feel like I'm bombing.
Perhaps then I can get them
to smile out of pity.
Or they might even start laughing at me.
These presents were all given to me
That didn't happen either.
A ring binder of chocolate
Twin beds of chocolate
I used the tactic to sing along,
so I wouldn't have to laugh.
A letter made of
Chocolate
Normally you would laugh, right?
-Absolutely.
-I would.
This was a special experience.
That's in his show as well.
This is the show.
Kind of a show-off.
"Look at me being musical."
Guess I dropped a bombshell.
I loved seeing you shine like that.
-Thanks.
-One of the best acts I've seen you do.
I'm usually not this well prepared.
It's one of my imitations
that is really spot-on,
so hopefully
I won't be doing this all the time,
because that would be annoying.
It's not easy to make it seem spontaneous.
Yes, but you didn't see that.
It felt like coming home to me.
Coming home is always best.
You responded just like my audience did.
Then I'd say you're in the wrong business.
Can someone help me move this thing?
I see a keyboard. I know Rayen
plays the keyboard in his show.
It's about the lyrics.
Don't burn any calories, Alex.
Soundos is making fun of Alex's size.
I'm disappointed someone
has done my act already,
but I'll still do it.
A chocolate keyboard.
What's this supposed to be?
-This is you.
-A chocolate bar.
I thought, "I will be the first one to go,
so let's introduce ourselves,
because not everyone knows each other."
I'm suggesting we do a roll call.
I will play an introduction
and we'll introduce ourselves.
-I didn't know you could do that.
-I can't.
Chocolate.
Rayen started to play the piano
and I was watching him
without suppressing my laughter.
Everyone should join in.
I will do something like this...
This is Roué
He's from Paramaribo
He loves to laugh
So he'll be the first one to go
Like that.
He starts. "This is Roué. This and that."
I thought, "Rayen is going
to be a threat for me."
This is Soundos
She is pretty tall
But her water breaking
Would scare us all
-Like that.
-For sure.
Yes, that will surely scare us.
So jump in.
This is Stefano
He's good at yelling
But I think the real Hans Teeuwen
Is more compelling
-Same hair.
-The baby has to sleep. Are you done?
Yes. Last one.
If Henk makes a sound,
I'll pound him into the ground.
Into the ground.
If Henk makes a sound
I'll pound him into the ground
Then Soundos can go back to fooling around
-Yes. Never again.
-Never again.
This was all you.
Well done.
Right. Nice, man.
Meanwhile, Roué is actually
falling into depression.
This is the longest
I have ever seen him not smiling.
Welcome to the six o'clock ANP News.
Ruben van der Meer
lost his hair after a fight.
Luckily, thanks to his fat ass...
-Bas is pestering Ruben.
-Thank you for listening.
-Look at Ruben.
-See?
Horrible. Yes, Bas is horrible.
-I needed that.
-You're welcome.
I think I'm going to grab my guitar.
How long have we been playing?
30 minutes? I have six acts to do.
You don't know if you will
last the full six hours.
-So you better just go.
-I'm grabbing my guitar as well.
Tineke is leaving, and I hope
she won't change her outfit.
Because that means a character.
She comes back with her guitar.
I thought, "Still safe."
I don't know if you guys know this,
but my husband is not in perfect health.
We just had a really rough time recently.
I'll start from the beginning.
I'm pretty much his caretaker, so this
is like a five-day vacation for me.
-Good for you.
-"Just go," he said.
Why don't I just start?
You're my knight in shining armor
My brave man
I remember meeting you at the pub
Those long legs
Your black curly hair and wide smile
You said I was the one
You wanted to marry
Even though you hadn't known me
For even a day
But you're a man
Henry is plucking his leg.
So then you took my breath away
A resounding yes
And a few years later
We had made a fine family
We had great times
But sooner than later
Like any marriage, it became agony
I know what Tineke Schouten is up to.
I know what she'll do.
What started as a tiny injury
Became a diabetic foot
Never again will you walk the dog
Now your walking days are history
You have but one leg to stand on
With tears in your eyes
You look at me, and ask
Can you blow me
A kiss, honey?
Would you mind going down
To wash my dirty sheets?
Can you blow me?
A kiss, dear?
I spilled crumbs on the rug
Jerk it off
My prosthetic leg
It itches like crazy
I'm very visual.
The things I've been picturing...
-I thought it was sad, rather than funny.
-Well...
I'm horny as hell.
I'm not sure what you're imagining,
but I see Tineke
blowing a one-legged man.
Try not to laugh at that.
Everyone together one more time.
Would you mind blowing me?
A kiss, dear?
Would you mind going down?
Can you blow me?
-Since they're dirty?
-Yes.
A kiss, honey?
I spilled crumbs on the rug
Jerk it off
My prosthetic leg
It itches like crazy
It is on you that I depend
-Beautiful.
-Yes, nice.
-The length of the penis is...
-Wow.
Great, isn't it?
Look, Stefano didn't even
mention chocolate.
You should've told me before,
then I'd have thought it over.
Tineke has more experience
than all of us together.
She's tough and brutal.
I like people like that.
The same song.
-What?
-Same song.
-Two willies in your hands.
-Sure.
-I could see them.
-Two willies in your hands.
Singing a song
and moving your hands up and down.
-What's up?
-I want a glass.
-Banging the kitchen?
-Yes.
Yeah, that's my thing.
-Nan?
-Come here, dear.
I'll watch him. I have seven myself.
-Look.
-There.
Yes.
The buzzer goes off. Finally, some action.
Did someone laugh?
My first thought was, "Damn it."
Who was it?
I know it wasn't me.
But who was it?
I saw Henry walk by in a flash
and thought, "Don't look."
Yes, that was actual laughter.
"My balls..."
Is it weird I'm turned on by this?
I will undress in the ambulance.
I thought I was hallucinating.
Who spiked my drink?
That was disgusting.
That's two of them.
---
Welcome to Last One Laughing.
Ten comedians will sit here
for six hours with just one goal.
To make each other laugh.
The rules are simple.
If you laugh, you're out.
The last one standing
will take this trophy home
and 50,000 euros to donate to charity.
They have everything.
A dressing room, a stage, even a toilet.
The latter features a toilet brush
that instantly reminds me
of the mustache
of my dear friend and co-host,
Jeroom Snelders.
The dressing room is packed with props
the comedians can use
to make each other laugh.
I have to say, they're hilarious.
-Nice hat.
-Thanks.
By the way, I just did a huge number two
in the toilet.
I don't expect
any laughs coming from there.
We have some lockers here,
where they can put the props they brought.
And there's not much to chuckle about here
because I did number two, too.
Here we have the control room.
It has a wall full of screens
that allows us to watch
the comedians' every move.
-Rather impressive, don't you think?
-Sure. But what does that camera show?
That's my wife at home. I like to keep
an eye on her when I'm abroad.
-For safety reasons.
-I understand.
-She has a visit from the gardener.
-We don't have a garden.
He's working up quite a sweat.
Anyway, let's take a look at the comedians
who'll be locked up here for six hours.
Look who it is. Ruben van der Meer.
A world-famous member of De Lama's.
He has amazing improv skills.
De Lama's sold out four nights
at the Ziggo Dome.
If you don't know me, fuck you.
How high up do we have to go?
He's talking to the elevator.
One last time.
There we are.
To all the people I offended
by saying fuck you...
I apologize.
Who is this for?
We were told to avoid Dutch stereotypes
and then he walks in
with a bag with tulips.
It definitely won't be easy,
because I just love to laugh.
So that's going to be
a real problem for me.
Nothing.
Such a disappointment.
My name is Henry Van Loon.
I'm a comedian, and I'm here to win.
I feel like I'm watching Sesame Street.
-It's not Sara Kroos after all.
-I should hope not.
They're happy to see each other.
Henry Van Loon walked in.
I was excited to see him.
He's going to make it fun and challenging,
because I find him hilarious.
I'll tell you the secret to this game.
-What?
-Instant meditation.
With your dog.
I'll be fine not being allowed to laugh.
I don't laugh that easily.
Only a few people can make me laugh.
Hopefully they won't be here.
Nienke Plas.
She's very popular in the Netherlands,
with over 600,000 followers on Instagram,
including one in the bushes
outside of her house.
I've never seen
anyone else there, at least.
I'm Nienke Plas.
You may recognize me from the "net."
Movies. I also do theatre work.
I almost forgot.
-Hey!
-Hey.
The doors open and I see Ruben and Henry.
Bad news.
-Miss Plas.
-Yes.
-You're here? It's Miss Plas.
-Hi.
-Hug?
-Of course.
-How are you?
-Good.
-I see you've gotten comfortable.
-How nice.
-Hi, Henry. You look amazing.
-Don't I? So do you.
I'm the comedian Roué Verveer,
and these people are in for a challenge.
Because wherever I go, laughter ensues.
Whether you like it or not.
Even I have to crack a smile.
I have a feeling this man won't last
a single minute in this house.
He can't stop laughing.
-Roué.
-You see? He immediately starts smiling.
I'm my own worst enemy.
Because I laugh very easily.
I don't even realize it.
-I knew it.
-Ladies first.
-Of course.
-Of course.
-How are you?
-Great, and you?
-Hey, man. How are you?
-Henry Van Loon.
Dude.
Isn't this nice?
Let's see how long I can keep it up.
One, two, three...
Bas Hoeflaak. He's known
for his Sluipschutters sketches.
He's the only genuine actor of the group.
I'm sure he'll show off his acting skills
by pretending he's glad to see everybody.
Here I am. I'm a contestant,
or rather a participant.
Like that.
I wonder who's next.
I would hate to see Henry Van Loon.
That would be a challenge.
I think he's very funny.
Well!
I get out of the elevator,
and I see Henry Van Loon.
That's what I was afraid of.
At least it makes for an exciting game.
Hi!
-I play the bass.
-Hi.
I was afraid Bas would be here. Damn.
Just seeing Bas' stubby neck
and grumpy face already makes me laugh.
-Let me settle in.
-I'm doing something...
Nice to see you all.
-Funny.
-He's going to be a massive problem.
We were just saying that Henry
-has the best chance of winning.
-Chance. Yes.
-But looking at Bas...
-The best chance.
Tineke Schouten, comedian.
Or humorist, if you will.
I'm excited to be here.
We'll see what happens.
In her 35 years as a comedian,
Tineke has put out 23 shows.
She's the queen of characters
and an amazing songwriter.
You just have to do nothing.
-No emotions.
-You still can...
Not yet.
You're still free to laugh.
We haven't started yet.
So I'll just have a final laugh.
-If you go down you're taking us with you.
-I'm a kamikaze smiler.
-Yes!
-Yes!
Look who it is.
Well, well, guys.
Tineke Schouten. We've never actually met,
but anyone who's doing comedy
recognizes Tineke as a legend.
-I'll get up. Hello, ma'am.
-This is so great.
A true legend joining us.
Absolutely brilliant.
-Nienke. We know each other already.
-Hello.
-Good to see you.
-Absolutely.
When I was a little girl,
I used to love her supermarket character.
She cracked me up.
And then we have Rayen Panday.
Who hasn't heard of him?
-You can let that go in here.
-That's true.
Look who it is.
How great.
I'll participate.
I'm the comedian Rayen Panday.
For six hours,
I'm going to keep myself from laughing.
-Why are we in a circle?
-It was just set up this way.
He's already complaining.
Yes, we're in a circle.
My name is Alex Ploeg.
I'm a comedian, humorist, lover.
Who's there?
Okay.
It's Alex.
Piece of cake.
Alex Ploeg is to Dutch comedy
what Johan Cruyff is to Dutch volleyball.
Yes.
-I was expecting real comedians.
-So were we.
What am I doing here?
I already want to go home.
-How many are still to come?
-Two more.
Gerard Cox?
My God!
I'm Soundos El Ahmadi.
An introduction is unnecessary,
I'm an A-lister.
The only one here.
You might think
she has already gone belly-up. But no.
This is completely her husband's fault.
She's pregnant.
-A legend.
-That's so wonderful.
Tineke Schouten.
She's nothing short of a comedy queen.
You can already see the level is rising.
-I'm referring to the sound level.
-No way.
Wow.
Who is it?
My name is Stefano Keizers.
I'm a 34-year-old comedian.
This guy is a loose cannon.
Who's the funniest of the bunch?
I spent my childhood
watching action movies.
No one ever smiles in them.
So I figured I would try it myself.
-Let's make a bet.
-Who am I supposed to be?
I've always felt having a sense of humor
is like being an assassin.
Now I can finally prove it.
Jeroom, everybody is here.
Let's go introduce ourselves.
Yeah. Good idea.
Magic. Magic kitchen.
Who is it?
Hello, everyone.
Welcome to our home.
You already have quite a party going on.
That will soon have to change,
because we are the show's hosts
as well as the judges.
It's smart picking those two men,
because you can't get anyone
more stoic or emotionless than them.
We might be silly Belgians,
but we're also
world-famous laugh spotters.
Okay?
Our only rule for next six hours is
we don't want to see any laughter.
I won't be laughing for seven hours.
I will laugh once I'm home.
And even at home I won't be laughing.
There are cameras installed in this house.
Look closely.
They will immediately spot if you laugh.
This won't work. I'm going home.
We can keep a close eye on you.
The game starts with this sound.
That means no more laughter is allowed.
If you hear this...
The game is paused and you may relax.
Of course we aren't savages.
Everyone deserves a second chance.
The first time you laugh,
you will get a warning
that looks like this.
The second time you laugh,
you're officially eliminated.
There is also a stage here.
If somebody is on it,
it means that he or she will perform.
If you hit the gong,
everyone is obligated to come and see you.
I thought, "What did I get myself into?"
And why are we doing this?
The last one standing
wins this ugly trophy,
and more importantly, 50,000 euros
to give a charity of your choosing.
50,000 euros. That's quite something.
And then the most difficult part
for you Dutch people,
effectively giving
those 50,000 euros to a charity.
Any questions?
-What is considered laughing?
-Everything.
Even a grin,
lifting the corners of your mouth...
No grinning, no...
Nothing.
I thought, "I'll be eliminated first."
-We will be strict.
-What about "smizing"?
-No.
-Yes, that's okay.
What about laughing under you breath?
-No.
-That wasn't even under your breath.
And there's one small rule. If you want
to touch each other intimately,
you have to ask for permission first.
You may touch me.
Not happening.
Soundos secretly wants everyone
to touch her, but I won't fall for it.
But we don't have to, right?
No, okay.
No more questions?
Then good luck to all of you.
Say you're having
a friendly chat like this,
and you ask, "How's your mother?"
-Can you...
-No, then you're out.
If I have to look so serious
the whole time,
it will make my mouth look like an anus.
We're leaving.
And Roué, we'll see you in two minutes.
Should I walk with you now?
-Good luck.
-That's what his wife said last night.
Okay, well.
Piece of cake.
I need some water.
Don't laugh.
Whatever happens.
I have to laugh now. But that's okay.
I can still laugh now.
Okay, Jeroom.
We're in the control room.
Let's enjoy our 30 seconds without Roué.
Okay. Don't try to make me laugh.
Can I sit here?
-Then I won't try make you laugh.
-Yes.
This is crazy.
Coffee?
You don't really know
how it's going to be, right?
But we haven't started yet.
First there's the trumpet.
The least attractive show host
should push the button.
I suggest that...
The sound. The green light.
Then you know it has started.
Everyone will find their spot.
Nobody really knows what they will do.
Seriously. It's immediately quiet.
-Well.
-I'm grabbing some water.
Well.
Everyone stops talking right away.
A psycho came up with this idea.
Ten comedians in a house
who have to make each other laugh.
-Soundos left right away.
-Right.
Or she's going to sleep.
That would make sense.
You feel the tension in the room.
And Henry is nervously
walking around the house.
-Everyone, you see?
-Ruben, too.
I didn't really know what to do.
Some were sitting quietly in a corner.
I was walking around.
I wanted to release some tension.
If I sit still and Bas comes my way,
I'm out. Because I'm not protected.
Everyone is thinking how to keep up
six hours like this without laughing.
Rayen is putting his pedometer to work.
I have to figure out a way to survive.
Too many of them can make me laugh.
So I have to always be on the move.
Hopefully it helps.
Soundos is... What is she doing?
The wrong way.
-She is really...
-We only just started two minutes ago.
What's she up to?
This is baby Henk.
Have you ever seen such an ugly child?
If you go to a baby shower
and you see this, you couldn't lie, right?
I want to walk in quickly with baby Henk,
because if I'm quick, I'll surprise them
before they are focused.
I think that's pretty funny.
Sorry, sometimes this happens.
Soundos was walking in and was dragging
a half-born baby behind her.
I thought, "We're quickly
going from zero to a hundred."
This has been happening for years.
He sometimes comes out for 15 minutes.
-Ruben is struggling.
-He is struggling already.
He has grown a bit old.
A little Soundos.
-Be careful.
-Does he look like me?
-For the dog?
-He has your legs.
Rayen is drinking non-stop.
He is going to walk around now.
Henry keeps walking around.
-My God.
-He wants to reach 10,000 steps today.
-Why is he blonde?
-Beats me.
-Is that a tattoo?
-Those are drag marks.
Bedsores.
Soundos comes in with the baby coming out
of her vagina and I find that funny.
I was worried I'd burst out laughing.
This giant gumdrop has gone bad.
Is Rayen hiding?
You can't say anything about these
foreigners yelling racism all the time.
-Yes, that's Henk.
-The baby can talk.
-No, Soundos.
-Don't walk around again.
When she walks around it's the worst.
Rayen, he's struggling.
He's having a hard time.
-He's struggling so hard.
-He won't last five more minutes.
He's struggling.
-We are just five minutes in.
-I understand it.
I'd be dying too.
What was that?
They found the pop-up snake.
What was that? Did you open it?
Those Belgians set the whole place
with booby traps.
You open a drawer, and something pops up,
so you have to be careful.
-Do what you want.
-Soundos, another baby.
It matches your dress.
What's that?
-It came out of the coffee table.
-Yeah.
-To startle us?
-Yes, and it didn't really work.
I got startled, but...
Stefano is preparing himself for an act.
This situation can be dangerous.
-The gong.
-That was the gong.
He raised the stakes.
After that fantastic act by Soundos
I think it's time for even more fun.
I'm going to sing a song
I have written for this program.
I thought, "I'm going to set the standard,
and start right away,
so that I can feel out
how the others react to my humor."
Come have a look
At what's in my boot
These presents were all given to me
By good old Saint Nicolas
A doll with pigtails of chocolate
Don't underestimate the difficulty
of performing for people who won't laugh.
A chocolate video game console
A letter made of
Chocolate
For the second verse,
I need you to turn around.
Okay, I'm ready.
Come have a look
At what's in my boot
I'm hoping the duller my act is,
the more they feel like I'm bombing.
Perhaps then I can get them
to smile out of pity.
Or they might even start laughing at me.
These presents were all given to me
That didn't happen either.
A ring binder of chocolate
Twin beds of chocolate
I used the tactic to sing along,
so I wouldn't have to laugh.
A letter made of
Chocolate
Normally you would laugh, right?
-Absolutely.
-I would.
This was a special experience.
That's in his show as well.
This is the show.
Kind of a show-off.
"Look at me being musical."
Guess I dropped a bombshell.
I loved seeing you shine like that.
-Thanks.
-One of the best acts I've seen you do.
I'm usually not this well prepared.
It's one of my imitations
that is really spot-on,
so hopefully
I won't be doing this all the time,
because that would be annoying.
It's not easy to make it seem spontaneous.
Yes, but you didn't see that.
It felt like coming home to me.
Coming home is always best.
You responded just like my audience did.
Then I'd say you're in the wrong business.
Can someone help me move this thing?
I see a keyboard. I know Rayen
plays the keyboard in his show.
It's about the lyrics.
Don't burn any calories, Alex.
Soundos is making fun of Alex's size.
I'm disappointed someone
has done my act already,
but I'll still do it.
A chocolate keyboard.
What's this supposed to be?
-This is you.
-A chocolate bar.
I thought, "I will be the first one to go,
so let's introduce ourselves,
because not everyone knows each other."
I'm suggesting we do a roll call.
I will play an introduction
and we'll introduce ourselves.
-I didn't know you could do that.
-I can't.
Chocolate.
Rayen started to play the piano
and I was watching him
without suppressing my laughter.
Everyone should join in.
I will do something like this...
This is Roué
He's from Paramaribo
He loves to laugh
So he'll be the first one to go
Like that.
He starts. "This is Roué. This and that."
I thought, "Rayen is going
to be a threat for me."
This is Soundos
She is pretty tall
But her water breaking
Would scare us all
-Like that.
-For sure.
Yes, that will surely scare us.
So jump in.
This is Stefano
He's good at yelling
But I think the real Hans Teeuwen
Is more compelling
-Same hair.
-The baby has to sleep. Are you done?
Yes. Last one.
If Henk makes a sound,
I'll pound him into the ground.
Into the ground.
If Henk makes a sound
I'll pound him into the ground
Then Soundos can go back to fooling around
-Yes. Never again.
-Never again.
This was all you.
Well done.
Right. Nice, man.
Meanwhile, Roué is actually
falling into depression.
This is the longest
I have ever seen him not smiling.
Welcome to the six o'clock ANP News.
Ruben van der Meer
lost his hair after a fight.
Luckily, thanks to his fat ass...
-Bas is pestering Ruben.
-Thank you for listening.
-Look at Ruben.
-See?
Horrible. Yes, Bas is horrible.
-I needed that.
-You're welcome.
I think I'm going to grab my guitar.
How long have we been playing?
30 minutes? I have six acts to do.
You don't know if you will
last the full six hours.
-So you better just go.
-I'm grabbing my guitar as well.
Tineke is leaving, and I hope
she won't change her outfit.
Because that means a character.
She comes back with her guitar.
I thought, "Still safe."
I don't know if you guys know this,
but my husband is not in perfect health.
We just had a really rough time recently.
I'll start from the beginning.
I'm pretty much his caretaker, so this
is like a five-day vacation for me.
-Good for you.
-"Just go," he said.
Why don't I just start?
You're my knight in shining armor
My brave man
I remember meeting you at the pub
Those long legs
Your black curly hair and wide smile
You said I was the one
You wanted to marry
Even though you hadn't known me
For even a day
But you're a man
Henry is plucking his leg.
So then you took my breath away
A resounding yes
And a few years later
We had made a fine family
We had great times
But sooner than later
Like any marriage, it became agony
I know what Tineke Schouten is up to.
I know what she'll do.
What started as a tiny injury
Became a diabetic foot
Never again will you walk the dog
Now your walking days are history
You have but one leg to stand on
With tears in your eyes
You look at me, and ask
Can you blow me
A kiss, honey?
Would you mind going down
To wash my dirty sheets?
Can you blow me?
A kiss, dear?
I spilled crumbs on the rug
Jerk it off
My prosthetic leg
It itches like crazy
I'm very visual.
The things I've been picturing...
-I thought it was sad, rather than funny.
-Well...
I'm horny as hell.
I'm not sure what you're imagining,
but I see Tineke
blowing a one-legged man.
Try not to laugh at that.
Everyone together one more time.
Would you mind blowing me?
A kiss, dear?
Would you mind going down?
Can you blow me?
-Since they're dirty?
-Yes.
A kiss, honey?
I spilled crumbs on the rug
Jerk it off
My prosthetic leg
It itches like crazy
It is on you that I depend
-Beautiful.
-Yes, nice.
-The length of the penis is...
-Wow.
Great, isn't it?
Look, Stefano didn't even
mention chocolate.
You should've told me before,
then I'd have thought it over.
Tineke has more experience
than all of us together.
She's tough and brutal.
I like people like that.
The same song.
-What?
-Same song.
-Two willies in your hands.
-Sure.
-I could see them.
-Two willies in your hands.
Singing a song
and moving your hands up and down.
-What's up?
-I want a glass.
-Banging the kitchen?
-Yes.
Yeah, that's my thing.
-Nan?
-Come here, dear.
I'll watch him. I have seven myself.
-Look.
-There.
Yes.
The buzzer goes off. Finally, some action.
Did someone laugh?
My first thought was, "Damn it."
Who was it?
I know it wasn't me.
But who was it?
I saw Henry walk by in a flash
and thought, "Don't look."
Yes, that was actual laughter.
"My balls..."
Is it weird I'm turned on by this?
I will undress in the ambulance.
I thought I was hallucinating.
Who spiked my drink?
That was disgusting.
That's two of them.