LOL: Last One Laughing Italy (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - LOL - Chi ride è fuori Ep.5 - full transcript

LOL
LAST ONE LAUGHING ITALY

Elio, when did you take this photo?

It's my fucking business,
but anyway, a few days ago.

There it is. Red card.

I'm so tired. I don't know about you...

You just tell everyone,
"It's none of your business."

But you are all up in my business.

What the fuck do you care
when I took the photo?

Really, what do you care?

-Here he is.
-He's here.

Only two competitors remained
without warnings.



And now there is only one left
with no warning.

Let's see the video.

It's my fucking business,
but anyway, a few days ago.

It's true, though.

-It had to happen sooner or later.
-True.

-It's right.
-Tough but fair.

Don't talk to me like that anymore.

I don't know how many muscles
we have in our face. A lot, I guess.

They all became stiff in my face
and I just broke down.

-They were tough.
-"It's none of your business."

It works!

Remember that Caterina is the only one
with no warnings.

-And that won't change.
-You're going to win.

And you shouldn't bust my balls,
that's what Fedez meant.



You're going to win.

-Holy shit!
-That's scary.

This is so cool.

He lasted longer than we expected,
but now Frank has a warning, too.

-Is there a show?
-Yes.

LOL restarts. Who laughs is out.

That music is so nerve-racking.

Good evening, viewers. Welcome back.

We are here, like every week,
for our live summary trial.

-The accused tonight is Mr...
-Svorotto.

Svorotto.

So dumb.

Mr. Svorotto, that's his chosen name,

is accused of stealing from the house

where he works at.

Exactly.

He was in the house that night...

-No.
-...according to the report.

-Correct, the report.
-What really happened?

I couldn't have stolen from that house
because I am a serial killer.

-Oh, okay.
-I was busy killing my aunt at the time.

-I can prove it.
-I know.

I have the pieces of my aunt at home
for everyone to see.

She's underground.

I know, Mr. Svorotto,
but that's your version.

The reports tell another story.

It seems you, that night...

How could I steal from that house
that night

while I was gutting my aunt?

I know, but the aunt
could have been gutted...

By someone else?

Well, we can't know that, of course.

But the pieces are at my house!

Enough!

I know, Mr. Svorotto,
I'm just presenting here.

They're accusing me of theft.

I know, but it was not my decision.

Katia is great.

You're facing five counts of stealing
a microwave from the house you work at.

Now, if you're saying
that you were gutting your aunt...

-Correct.
-I must say, nobody believes you.

-Got it?
-I do.

Wait a moment, one viewer...

I believe him, that he gutted his aunt.

-Fantastic.
-Hold on, suspense.

I'm Lillo.

That piece was perfect. How do they do it?

I understand I will never be that funny.

And handsome. And...

That's it.

Oh, God.

Crazy.

-Brilliant.
-You couldn't tell from the voice.

I think at least half of them
didn't recognize me.

They didn't realize.

It's the third time he's done it
and I keep falling for it.

It wasn't clear
because of the altered voice...

Of course it was unclear.

But it was me.

-It was a gag.
-Got it.

To avoid laughing, I must have thought
about stuff that have upset me in life.

For example, when I went to buy
some gorgeous shoes

and they didn't have my size,
so I left the shop depressed.

Only two hours remain in the game.

-"Only"?
-Thanks.

You've come down off your high horse
since the warning, eh?

Yes, because you scare me.
I'm playing with fire.

To me, it's like a marriage
between us. I'm in love.

We are in the same situation.

-You scare me, I scare you.
-Yes.

We scare each other.

Lillo, I think you've seen
the interviews with actors in America.

-Sure.
-Right?

Of course. Try.

What I'm trying to say
is that some parts of my job are strange.

I said, "Okay, I'm going to interpret
for him in the dubbing slang,"

where they always say,
"You know, I think..."

I'm trying to be, you know, a good actor,
even if sometimes I am utterly awful.

Well, you know, I think there is
only one good thing about Orlando Bloom,

his last name.

Every time I call him,
"Orlando Bloom, Bloom, Bloom."

"Orlando, you're amazing."

You know what,
why don't you mind your business?

My vacations in Italy
are none of your business.

He looks like Elio.

Thank you so much.

They always tell me,
"You look just like Brad Pitt."

That's brilliant.

-That was good.
-They are not going down.

I think it was very funny.

I was upset, to be honest,
that nobody laughed, you know.

Where did Elio go?

He got the painting back.

I can't take it anymore.

I'm pressing a button.

Three minutes of complete silence.

Anything goes, except words.

Hold hands and form a circle.

No, I wouldn't have wanted to do this.

Nobody talks.

Three minutes starting...

Now.

-No way.
-I would be already dying.

To avoid laughing, Lillo does this.

Which makes you wanna laugh.

It's hilarious to watch them!

That's the trippy moment.

Ciro is really going for it.

Oh, God, the tap dance again. No!

Lillo was sensational.
You can't look at him without laughing.

Look at his eyes.

What's going on?

Elio with the painting!

Matano may be gone.

At a certain point,
it seemed like he wanted

to literally escape from laughter.

I was shaking. I was about to laugh.

But I toughed it out.

Lillo is about to leave.

-What a nightmare.
-Bravo.

When you improvise, you're at risk.

You're trying to make people laugh,
but you're the main one at risk,

because when improvising,
everything is unexpected.

You're trying to make me laugh,
but you won't.

Elio. Helium. Come on.

-Seems the same to me.
-What?

Elio with helium!
Oh, God, Elio with helium!

Jeez, Lillo is all dressed up.

Bravo, Lillo.

I like you a lot.

The challenge is making Caterina laugh.

-Exactly, I think so, too.
-Impossible.

I really have to commend you women

because you've always resisted
to all my changes.

You saw me half-naked
and none of you hit on me.

-It was hard.
-You're true professionals.

I'm doing this for the first time.
I'm a fan of mentalism

and of the magician Mago Lioz,
who saw me doing his tricks

and sent me a note,
which he wrote himself, saying

that I really was his adept.

"You yes that is my adept."

"You yes that is my adept."

I would like to start with this trick.

I'm starting the music, hold on.

Bravo.

There is a huge physical effort,
muscular effort,

to keep your mouth at least horizontal.

I'll restart the music for another trick.

Okay.

My strategy to prevent laugher
is physical pain.

With Lillo, I tore my arm.

Okay... No, guys, no!

-I got goosebumps.
-Elio is struggling.

I reached my limit

when he was lifting the trash can lid.

I'll restart the music,
I have another one.

Elio, do you think it's a game of mirrors?

I don't know,
I just know there's a catch because...

Nice.

It seems easy, but...

-Bravo!
-Naked! I love you!

I could have continued, but I dropped it.

-It happens.
-Where do they come from?

He played the fool,
but no more than he normally does.

So I think I love him.

He grabs the bubble.
And I think I told Elio...

Where did the bubble go?

And he went...

I don't know how I resisted.
Lillo, you are a genius.

Nice! Very nice.

Hilarious.

No, I just couldn't resist.

-Bravo.
-Really good, Lillo.

Really good.

-Imagine if it was me.
-No.

-No?
-Who was it?

Go. It's red.

Here he comes!

I told you everything counts from now on.

Although it was imperceptible, it was...

-Why are you looking at me?
-...a start of a laugh.

You've all been warned, so...

-Oh, God, go.
-Except for Caterina.

Let's watch the video.

No, I just couldn't resist.

-Bravo.
-It's too...

No!

I know it's tough, but I had warned you
that everything counts now.

-Sorry, Michela.
-It was a pleasure.

Bravo!

-You're out.
-It was fun.

I did my best.

See you in the control room.

Okay.

Please remember that covering your face...

-It is not okay.
-...is against the rules.

-Good luck!
-Thanks!

Lillo got me. Lillo is too funny.

-Just a hint is enough now.
-Damn!

After this red card,
six competitors are left,

all warned except for Caterina.

-Hi!
-Look who's here!

I couldn't do it anymore.

It's tough.

-Hi, Mara. Hi, Fedez.
-Hi.

-It was really tough.
-You did great.

Really great, indeed.

It was tiring.

-You look exhausted.
-I wanted to die.

I couldn't take it anymore.

-It's tiring.
-Have a seat.

Come on. Let's take them all out.

-Is LOL restarting?
-Sure. Who laughs is out.

-Here we go again.
-Let's go.

How much do you have to inhale?

It's already enough.

Hi.

-Yes, it works a little.
-That was crazy.

Attention!

-Yes, Lillo laughed,
-Yes. Did you see?

Oh, boy.

We're eliminating them all.

-When?
-Lillo!

-Inevitable.
-They're crumbling.

-Yes!
-Distraction.

Look at him!

He knows.

Shit!

-You can go.
-I'm going.

Shit, Lillo, no.

-You do even more.
-Here.

I'd say a suspense-free elimination,
but let's watch the video.

No!

How much do you have to inhale?

It was already enough.

Hi!

-Yes, it works a little.
-That was crazy.

No, completely...

The eye! The eye!

-It's your trademark now.
-Gotcha.

The eye, the eye.

-Lillo.
-Bravo, Lillo!

You're eliminated from LOL.
It was a great honor.

Very poor concentration skills.

I resisted too long already.

I really left in shame.

My ability to concentrate
is almost nonexistent.

They'll meet each other in 75 minutes.
There's no need to say goodbye like that.

Like, "No, no, come on."

That's a shame, Lillo.

Not so much for Pintus, but for Lillo.

I'm gonna have fun watching you.
Bye, guys. Good luck.

-Good luck.
-Thanks.

Not a fraction of a second,
but a fraction of a smile.

You lose focus, because it's really tough.

Not laughing for hours is tough.

A fatal error for Lillo.
Only half the competitors are left.

-Here he is.
-Hi!

Thanks!

You were great.

-You killed us.
-No, look. Thanks.

I swear, it was a mistake,
I didn't concentrate fully.

You left after five and a half hours,
I left after ten minutes.

Finally. We're happy you're here.

-You knocked me out.
-I know.

I'm going to sit here.

LOL restarts. Who laughs is out.

I'll dream about this trumpet at night.

I need to go change.
I can't take it anymore.

I'll go.

-Fedez, you look sleepy.
-No, stop.

Are you crazy?

-Do you want a tissue?
-No, I like searching for it.

Very good, much better, thanks!

Now we're talking, guys!

He jogged in, get it?

Black tank top and cycling shorts
with knee socks.

A mix of Ozzy Osbourne
and a guru who does yoga in the Himalayas.

He kept fixing his hair on purpose,
he always did that.

It wasn't bothering him,
he did it on purpose. A real pro.

That was a major change, Elio.

-You have no idea.
-Yeah, sure.

You have two '70s-style vaginas
under your armpits. Show us.

-Yes.
-Now that you've seen them?

I'm happier.

You have no idea, Frank.

You can't imagine the energy
I'm feeling right now.

It's nice running
with the wind in your hair.

It's a wonderful feeling, especially
when it's glued with two-sided tape.

It's nice and tickly, I recommend it.

How old are you, Elio?

This one keeps asking me
for personal information.

-Don't be stupid.
-I'm not telling you.

-Elio.
-Tell me.

-You're handsome for being 60.
-True.

-I'm not 60 yet.
-Well, almost.

What the fuck do you want?

-Have you ever broken something?
-Look at him.

You run as if
you've never broken anything.

Caterina is a fortress,
nothing can move her.

You know Caterina.
What do you think would make her laugh?

You really have to surprise her.
Elio is the only one who could do it.

Elio is surprising.

-Elio, call Elio.
-Elio? Okay.

Elio, can you go to the shower? Thanks.

-Hello?
-Elio.

-Tell me.
-Caterina still has no warnings.

-You're the only one...
-Who could make her laugh?

I'm going to start a dance now.

-Yes.
-Aim for Caterina.

I'll aim for her and do my tap dance.

Exactly!

You can't laugh at my face, though.

-You're right, sorry.
-Okay, I'll try.

-Bye, Elio.
-Bye.

-Yes, yes, come on.
-Again?

I can't watch this.

-Caterina is...
-Made of stone.

She's a force.

We can pretend to kidnap her,
it's the only way.

I turned off my nerves.
I gave myself Botox.

Unbearable.

-Yeah!
-No!

-No!
-Yes, come on.

He's aiming at Matano.

-He's a easier prey.
-He's suffering.

It's unbearable, Elio.

What you are doing? It's unbearable.

Oh, God, it's so risky
to watch your tap dance.

If you resist Elio's tap dance,
you're not human.

-Elio?
-Tell me.

Do you want to know
how long it takes me to count to 10?

-How long?
-One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight, nine...

Ten. Around 12 seconds.

Nice joke.

-No!
-It wasn't made of sugar.

This is glass. We can get hurt here.

It's incredible

what we've accomplished
thanks to teamwork.

-You're a vandal.
-You, too.

You took the shot.

Think. A dramatic part in a show
that makes you laugh.

Elio is so funny.

-What are you looking for?
-Why do you keep minding my business?

Why don't you ask other people?

What are you doing, Katia? Ask her.

"What are you doing?
When were you born? How old are you?"

He kept asking me things
he didn't care about.

He didn't care.
He just wanted me out, that wretch.

-It's a strategy, he wants you out.
-No, I just want to get to know you.

-Let's do that another time.
-No.

-What a bastard.
-I'm hitting a button.

On stage.

You must all listen
to whoever is on stage.

Katia on stage.

Okay, then I'm going to change.

And I need Elio

-to introduce me.
-For what?

-About what I will do.
-Okay.

-Can I use this?
-What's that?

A microphone.

Such tension between Elio and Frank.

Frank is going to laugh!

Fuck.

It's like the sound had entered my head,

giving an intoxicating, drug-like effect.

Listen to this.

I'll admit it,
I went after Frank to eliminate him.

Because he'd been busting my balls
for four hours.

-Here it is.
-He's going crazy.

No!

No!

Rotten bastard!

Shit! He resisted worse things
and left over a "Hey, hey, hey."

I couldn't take it.

-I don't know how I did it.
-Damn.

-What an idiot.
-God, Elio.

Let the last hour of LOL start.

For fuck's sake!

The Daft Punk are here.

Barbie pasta selection.

I might be young, but I'm not a fool.

-Red.
-Little, little.

-Red!
-Who did it?

The winner of LOL is...

Okay, guys, I'm sick of your shit.