LOL: Last One Laughing Italy (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - LOL - Chi ride è fuori Ep.4 - full transcript

LOL
LAST ONE LAUGHING ITALY

Well done, guys.

This was really nice.
Too bad it's already over.

Excuse me. No, I mean, if you want...

Now sit.

-My goodness, you sound like my mother.
-I am your mother!

Red button. I saw it.

-Who laughed? I did.
-Who laughed?

What?

Who laughed?

-Fedez!
-Oh, my God.



It was imperceptible

and it's a great way to remind you that
you can be admonished even for smirks.

The first female warning
of the competition.

I knew that.

-Replay.
-I already feel it's me.

No, I mean, if you want...

Now sit.

My goodness, you sound like my mother.

I am your mother.

-No!
-Oh, come on!

-You've been mean.
-It was imperceptible.

Yes, it's true. That's mean.

It's a yellow card

I regret getting because it was
a provocation. I didn't expect that.



Michela is officially cautioned.

Yellow card for Michela Giraud.

One more laugh, and she'll be out of LOL.

-Shall we restart the game?
-Sure.

This stuff is a nightmare.
That music plus you.

A real nightmare.

Go away. Stay away from me.
Stay away from me.

He's annoying.
Like those bluebottles buzzing around you.

Even worse. A horsefly.

You know how insistent horseflies are.

He was always there.

Go.

Since he was always doing the...
I told him,

"Go behind the plant, I'll speak..."

Frank is peeing among the plants.

And when I say, "What is he doing?"
you move the plant.

Sometimes birds hide in weird places.
You look for them, but cannot find them.

You could find birds like...

Well, what is it, a dinosaur?

If you notice, the Matano...

I mean... I told you,
"Wait, let me say something first."

Look at Ciro!

Very funny.

Ciro, don't give up.

Sometimes the Matano meets the female...

From the Matano family. Right.

-And the mating starts.
-Wow!

And the little Matanos
come into the world. No!

Piero Angela might be watching us.

-Bravo.
-The bird with jeans.

I was about to laugh.

By the way, it was very well written.
Congratulations.

For us, writing is everything.

The real coffee's here.

According to your logic...

Either you laugh, or you hit me.

-I hit you.
-In either case, you're out.

That's not in the rules.

Yes, you can hit him.

Contestants, I inform you
that it's been three hours now.

We're exactly halfway into the game.

Now we have to push.
Can I tell you a joke?

A joke? Yeah, go ahead.

I'll make it quick.

At the racetrack, with horses.

There's a guy
who gambled everything in his life.

He doesn't know
which horse he should bet on.

Then he sees all the horses

and there is this one horse that goes...

And the horse...

"Are you sure?" And the horse...

He asks, "What should I do?"
And the horse...

"Should I bet on you?" And the horse...

"Are you sure?"

He runs up, says he's betting
everything on horse three.

The race starts...

Bam, the horse is leading.
Number three is leading... Third!

He goes down
and approaches the horse, "Oh!"

And the horse...

My God, that one was really dangerous.

Very dangerous.

You told it perfectly.

I'm not laughing
thinking that he lost everything.

He even lost his house.

And I liked the race.

-Your hands were the horses...
-Stay away from me.

Elio said, "Stay away."

He said, "Stay away."

He's been busting my balls
since I walked in.

Technically speaking.

I wanted to tell one myself.

Shall we play a theme song?

Theme song, yeah.

Wait, Elio will play the theme song.
Sorry.

Lillo!

Go, Lillo!

Party of asterisks.

-What?
-Party of asterisks.

They do this party, they dance...

"Let's drink something, let's have fun.

"How cool!"

Ding dong, the door. "You go."

"Okay, I'll go. Don't worry."
He opens. A full stop.

Then the asterisk goes,

"Sorry, I don't wanna be rude or racist,

"but this party is only for asterisks."

And the full stop,
"It's Pino, I got hair gel."

-Bravo.
-Nice.

That was genius.

You've just listened to Lillo!

I wanna tell a joke now.

Shit, they don't want to hear my joke?

No, please.

Hey, hot girl!

What the fuck happened?

Oh, my God, I forgot.
How do I get off, then?

I'm here to announce the last yellow card

I had ever expected to give.

Let's look at it.

I think it's me.

-Nice.
-That was genius.

You've just listened to... Lillo!

Elio.

Elio.

-You smiled while...
-Out of generosity, fuck you.

I was busy trying to make the others laugh

and I didn't realize
that I laughed myself.

Unexpectedly, you're officially cautioned.

Any kind of laughter, in LOL,
causes yellow or red cards.

Fair enough.
I was so proud of my theme song that...

I really didn't notice it.
They're taking us out out of despair.

Elio got a yellow card, too,

and now five contestants are at risk.

LOL is restarting.

-Who laughs...
-Is out.

...is out.

Now we're playing, for example.

-I'll go on, then.
-Elio was telling his joke.

Go on.

A guy has a terrible motorbike accident
in the middle of the night.

He arrives at the ER destroyed
and he's on a stretcher.

The doctor comes,
looks at his medical record and says,

"Well, Matteo,

"you had sex with hookers,

"you snorted cocaine all night long
and didn't sleep,

"you drank all sorts of drinks,

"but the surgery will be successful,
you'll see."

"But, Doctor, my name is not Matteo."

"Actually, I am Matteo."

Look at Katia.

Elio was definitely the one
who gave me the hardest time.

Anyway, guys,
the only imperturbable one...

Caterina Guzzanti.

Don't you get the yellow card for that?

Yeah, I suggest I call her
in the shower stall.

Caterina Guzzanti,
I'll wait for you in the shower stall.

-Hello?
-Hi, Caterina.

Don't be mad at me, but we see
that you're a bit of a loner.

You know what?

I was thinking about when

I should go into action,
but I'm afraid I'll disturb the others.

Remember, wallflowers
may get a yellow card.

-Thank you.
-I'll go now.

I was a bit confused, because I saw
everyone else was very at ease,

while I was focused
on what I had thought of doing...

I am hot

One of those hot girls with the ukulele

Who goes to Pigneto, eats couscous

Tells her opinion but...

I am hot, really hot

I am really hot
Hot

No, I don't think so. I'm sorry.

What is she doing?

Caterina has a long list of characters,
it's impossible to remember them all.

Here's your coffee.
I'm sorry, here I am. Sorry I'm late.

Here I am.

Here. Yes, I'm the new intern.
I brought some coffee, wooden teaspoons.

They asked me to do these photocopies...

They gave me one sheet,
but they told me it's a very secret show.

-What show is it?
-We can't tell you.

-You can't tell me?
-No.

I don't know anything,
I've just arrived. No clue.

We can tell her
without saying the title, though.

Look at Frank in the background...

It's just that now
I've lost the original sheet,

because I made 800 photocopies
and I don't know which...

Is it this one?

It's a drama thing?

-No.
-No.

What is it? Criminal Minds?

-No.
-The Purge?

No, it's a game show.

Desperate Housewives.

What is it? You don't know, either?

-It's a game.
-No clue. That's okay.

Well, we can tell her. If we don't say
the title we can tell her, guys.

I'll tell you the title in reverse.

-Okay.
-LOL. But it's in reverse, all right?

Okay?

That was funny.

Actually, you can read LOL
in reverse, too.

I held back.

If I think about it now,
it makes me laugh a lot.

And if they ask you,
you have to reply in reverse.

-Okay.
-You say LOL.

Because it's a secret?

-Yes.
-I can't tell anyone?

Now I should go
because tomorrow I have an exam.

-Do you want these back?
-I have Toner.

This is for you, otherwise I get fired.
Please, they don't even pay me.

Since I suppose you're the boss,
can you sign off on my hours?

Of course.

Thanks. Otherwise I should go to Federer.

-Fedez.
-Federez.

Fedez.

I don't know where they are,
I just hear...

You mean Zedef?

In reverse.

Okay, all right.
I'll go to Federer now. Bye.

Fedez!

She's great. Unbelievable.

She's great.

-I got another one, call me.
-Poserman.

Nice!

Are you betting on who's gonna be next?

We made a bet.

-On who's winning?
-Yes, exactly.

She bet on Elio, I bet on Caterina.

There's another attack.

I couldn't resist. When they come out
like that, I'd be screwed.

I mean, he's using a drill.

He's got a drill.

I was trying not to look at him, you know?

It was devastating.

That's really great.

While she has just a motor impairment
back there.

She can't feel the rhythm.

Hello, I am Robosex.

Cool, but not too credible.

Do you want to make love to me?

Shut up, asshole.

Let's start.

Oh. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. Oh.

Oh. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

Great performance.

Great silent movie.
There should have been some signs.

Yeah.

Did you come?

-I came, asshole.
-Great.

I think it's a robot.

Someone arrest him.

Very nice, by the way.

No, really nice. Liked it?

Did you take a shit?

-No, vulgarity is never funny.
-You said it.

It was part of a... You can't just say,

"Evening, did you take a shit?"
It doesn't work.

You couldn't keep the rhythm of the drill?

Yeah, I know, because when
you're really enjoying it... You know?

She couldn't keep the rhythm.

Katia is getting something.

-What is that? A ball gun?
-No, it doesn't shoot. It's fake.

This one doesn't...

It doesn't work.

You directly throw it...

You're supposed to throw the balls,
not the gun.

Yeah, but it's not working.

Wait, wait.

Bam.

I see.

Cool.

I was so scared.

It was my game, though.

Oh, yeah?

There are no balls anymore.
I'm out of balls.

Great.

-I'll pull a lever.
-Oh, good. Well done.

-Sumo.
-What does it mean?

In the backstage, you will find
two sumo wrestler suits.

Have a good fight.

-Yeah, fat chance.
-Ciro, Frank, get ready.

Oh, so...

Suits make me a bit uncomfortable.

-No, come on.
-Well, they're funny.

We could be funny.

We would risk to be.

Fru. What the fuck, sit up properly.

-No, I'm great.
-Where do you think you are?

-Sit up straight. Come on. Good.
-Sorry, Mara.

-Have you managed?
-No.

He's wearing the suit.

-I'll help you out.
-I'll use this technique. It's working.

I can't put my foot through it.

Look at Frank helping him.

Try now.

You know those signs saying,

"Hello, my name is Fido,
I'm two years old and I got lost?

"Call..."
Fuck it, you know how to write, go home.

I'm gonna kick you in the balls.

I apologize.

-Hey, Fede.
-Unbelievable.

Who laughed?

Go, Fede, this one's major. Come on.

I'm scared. I don't wanna know.

Oh, my God.

-Help. Oh, goodness.
-I'm here for another yellow card.

Yellow card.

-Katia.
-I knew it.

You're cautioned. Let's take a look.

"Hello, my name is Fido,
I'm two years old and I got lost."

Fuck it, you know how to write, go home.

I'm gonna kick you in the balls.

I apologize.

You were suffering.

Katia, you're officially warned.

Thank you, Fedez.

Well, what can you do?
Fair enough, that's how the game works.

-My goodness.
-They were mean.

They could have...

Careful, he's about to say something...

I forgot, there's also a red card.

-Yes.
-Are you crazy, saying it like that?

Let's look at the replay.

No!

Angelo!

-No!
-Guys!

-A massacre.
-Angelo.

It happened, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Thank you all, it was amazing.
Thanks, guys.

Angelo, my regards to your family.

Look, the kiss of Judas...
The kiss of Judas. Disgusting.

I got screwed, but that's okay.

I don't clearly know enough people
to stay in the game.

-I'm sorry.
-It was wonderful.

Bye, Angelo. Angelo...

I'm so sad.

-It doesn't get any easier, guys.
-For sure.

Somebody else, I won't say who,
looked at me and laughed,

and I couldn't take it anymore.

But that's okay,
I'm not the type of guy who...

Five yellow cards and three red cards.

Double card.

Katia has now a warning,
while the game is over for Pintus.

-Hi.
-Here he is. Don't be like that.

We've been here for eight hours now.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I was suffering, really.

I can't wait to see you laugh
while you're fighting.

Damn you.

For the effort.

-LOL restarts now.
-LOL. Who laughs is out.

Very good.

You know what we can do?
Elio, you stand in the middle

and we're gonna be sumo auctioneers,
and we're gonna sell you.

-Do you wanna do that?
-No.

But I'll do it anyway.

-Hoping that this will make you laugh.
-Okay.

We're gonna sell Elio, and we're gonna
auction as two sumo wrestlers who...

Why couldn't they do that?

We're selling this gorgeous painting
which is a copy of Mona Lisa.

We took one
of the greatest Italian artists, Elio,

who lent himself
to being sold to one of you guys.

He lent himself or he's being sold?

-He's selling himself.
-It's true.

-Is that a copy or the original?
-A copy with the original Elio.

This is not Mona Lisa,
but Elio inside the painting is authentic.

-How much do we sell it for?
-Twenty euros.

-Twenty euros, I hear 20 euros.
-Twenty-two.

Twenty-two euros.

-Twenty-five.
-It's not enough.

I'm sorry, but given my artistic career,
we should start the bidding at 500 euros.

Yeah, right!

Otherwise the audience at home
will think I'm worth 20 euros.

We started the bidding at 20 euros,
and Elio took offense, of course.

-550 euros.
-550 euros.

Three million euros.

That gentleman
is the only one in the know.

Three million.

Three million going once,
three million going twice...

-Going for the third time...
-Sold!

Oh, my God, stop. Stop, stop.

Okay, you can take it home.

Now I will always follow you around.

Whatever you do,
I'll always be behind you.

-Well, because I bought you.
-I'm yours.

I'm yours.

It's the opposite of a restraining order.
Always stand at least three feet from him.

Let me tell you something.
You know, I try to be an actor.

I've studied for a long time
and prepared something to perform here.

Go ahead.

Cool.

Cogito, ergo sumo.

Do you know
who were the first sumo wrestlers?

Sumerians.

It looks like
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Yes, exactly.

Do you know where Sumerians live?

In sub-mountains.

Thank you.

Were they funny? Yeah? Thank God.

It's obvious you grew up on your own,
because you're doing it by yourself.

-Can you help me out?
-Yeah, I'm sorry.

-I'll push.
-Push, madam!

No, guys, I mean... He's stuck.

-Hold on.
-Wait, wait. Here we go.

-Okay, wait. Oh, God.
-God!

Congratulations, you gave birth
to two shoes. They're wonderful.

I'm dying.

-Federico, are you thirsty?
-No, Mara, don't!

No!

No, turn around over there.

It's just a little water.

-I'm glad you've purchased our product.
-Thanks!

-He's following you around.
-He's mine.

There he goes, that's hard.

It's still Mona Lisa, a big deal!

Elio, what are you gonna do now?
The painting?

So what?

It's my fucking business, right?

Matano is losing his mind.

Damn you, Elio.
I'll never ask you anything again.

Also, to a certain extent,
I'm a chaperone painting.

When he started to follow Lillo, there...

Holy fuck!

-Just like that?
-So sorry.

Excuse me,
how will you make a record like this?

What record?

I'm not laughing.

He's there. Matano is almost there.

I'm trying to hold back for him.

He's about to give in.

-You mean how will I make a record?
-Yes.

-Well, I'll sing.
-He comes with you?

So what?

You need to stop. I'm gonna leave now.

Well, as if it's an obstacle to overcome.

-How will you do that?
-We'll rent the studio.

-I'll sing and he'll be there.
-A big studio...

How can you move by train or plane?
You can't fit on them.

But, hey, it's our fucking business.

But, excuse me, you have a wife, right?

Yeah.

-How do you manage when you...
-It's our fucking business.

Alliance Ciro-Giraud.

-Let me see these.
-Are those cards?

Wow, look at this.

-Let me get ready.
-That's insane.

Backstage, I found some cards
with our photos

and I said, "This stuff is insane."

Since I'm kind of a fan of tarot cards,
I joined forces with Ciro...

-You go first?
-Yes.

Does anybody here want
to have their cards read?

-Excuse me, ma'am.
-Come here, ma'am.

Ciro with the grandma again.
And he's whistling.

-Good evening, ma'am. Are you okay?
-Yes, fine.

-What's your name?
-Sisina.

Pick a card, ma'am.

Lillo.

Well, ma'am, Lillo is misfortune.

In the tarot deck, Lillo means misfortune.

Why does Giraud have
personalized tarot cards...

-This is misfortune.
-Lillo means that you'll take a walk...

-And somebody will steal your purse.
-I have such a bad luck.

Pick another card.

No, I have nothing left. You pick a card.

Katia, who is it?

-It's Katia Follesa.
-What does it mean?

This means that you'll go to Vesuvius
and you'll catch fire.

What?

-Never a joy.
-Wow, really.

Well, you try.

-I should try to do that?
-Oui.

I can't do that.

Elio, when did you take this photo?

It's my fucking business,
but anyway, a few days ago.

It's disarming.

-Pardon me for asking.
-No problem.

There it is. Red card.

Holy shit.

I'm a serial killer.
But I've been accused of theft.

Look at his eyes.

-Do you want a tissue?
-No, I like to search.

-Oh, my God...
-What's going on?

-No!
-You're a vandal.

I may be young, but I'm not dumb.

-Ouch.
-We'll knock them all out.