L.A. Law (1986–1994): Season 1, Episode 15 - December Bribe - full transcript

- Previously on "L.A. Law..."

- Ann, I'd like you
to know something.

As far as I'm concerned,

McKenzie-Brackman...
well, it's you.

- You spied on me?

- I started out just waiting.

- I will not be made
to feel like a slut

because I had
dinner with my client,

and I will not tolerate
your spying on me.

- Does this writ say
anywhere that I was in error?

- No.



- My job has rendered me
a little short of temper lately.

I'm getting out.

- The firms in town will
start a feeding frenzy

over a Superior Court judge.

- Actually, Leland, I'm
here to give you first bite.

- I have no reason to expect
your temperament as attorney

to be any more to my liking

than your
temperament as a judge.

- Charged with one count PC93,

receiving a bribe
by a judicial officer.

- Does this little doll
have curb appeal or what?

- Oh, God, I think I'm in love.

- I said the minute I saw it,

this is the Arnie
Becker dream house.



- What are they asking?

- A million-three,

but it doesn't even go on the
market until next Wednesday,

and my feeling is, if you
make them an offer this week,

you can steal it for 950.

They put over a half
million into remodeling.

At 950, they're taking
a major bath on it.

- God, look at that fireplace.

- There's another one in
the den, the dining room,

the kitchen, and
the master bedroom.

- This is exactly the
house I've been looking for.

- You sit on this
baby six months,

I could get you a
million-450 for it, easy.

- So tell me, why is it
such a bargain now?

- Divorce situation.
Very bitter.

You know what that's like.

I know I shouldn't be telling
you all the gory details,

but, well, after what you
did for me when the rat left,

you're like family.

- Tell.

- Well, it's the old
story, rocky marriage.

Instead of going to a shrink
to work out the real problems,

they buy a house instead.

You've seen it a million times.

It starts with fighting
over the color of the tile,

then he accuses her of
having her taste in her behind,

and she retaliates
by having an affair

with the general contractor

and the tile man
and the stone man.

That's why there's
so many fireplaces.

So the upshot is he
absolutely hates the house.

She totally loves it.

- Well, she put so
much of herself into it.

- Tell me about it.

And he's insisting they
sell and split the proceeds.

- Who are the lawyers?

- Greg Lyman for him
and Matt Pace for her.

If you want my advice,

you beg, borrow, or
steal to get this house.

- Estelle, I'd sell my
soul to get this house.

- I didn't found
McKenzie-Brackman

so that it could become
the branch office

of a New York law conglomerate.

- You realize the
upfront payment

of the more senior lawyers

would be the nature of
$300,000 to $400,000

and somewhat less for the rest.

- I believe I can
speak for my partners.

We've created something
rather special and unique

at McKenzie Brackman,

which none of us have
any desire to change.

- Are you sure?

You know, the
view of the mountain

looks different from the bottom

than it does from the top.

Leland, I know
the firm is your life,

but I doubt if you're gonna
want to go on working forever.

Think of the younger members.

In a year, we can
triple your billings.

- I'm sorry, Raymond.

Your offer is very flattering,
but we're just not interested.

- Ask your partners.

- I don't have to.

- Are you afraid to?

- I'm out of here.

- Oh, wait. Wait.

Do you want me to
make you breakfast?

- I'm late. Sleep.

- Mickey, I hate this.

By the time I get
home, you're asleep.

By the time I get
up, you're gone.

This is no way to live.

- Well, you have to look
at the bright side, Gracie.

At least we don't fight.

- I mean it.

- Yeah, well, you'll get
no argument from me.

- Well, what are we gonna do?

- Since McKenzie Brackman
doesn't have a night shift,

I guess that's up to you.

- Should I give
them an ultimatum?

- Well, don't paint
yourself into a corner.

This can't last forever.

Sleep on it.

- You want to
sleep on it with me?

- Oh, I'd love to, but I can't.

I will wait up for
you tonight, though.

I promise.

- Okay.

- Scout's honor.

Bye.

- Bye, Mickey.

- Leland McKenzie.
Very impressive.

Morris Hood's really pulling
out all the stops, isn't he?

- Stan, it's nice to see
you looking so relaxed.

- And what is that
supposed to mean?

- Just that this
little sting operation

wasn't your grandest hour.

Hundreds of thousands of
dollars of taxpayers' money,

and all you bag is
one Muni Court judge

for fixing tickets
and Morris Hood,

who most certainly will
have these charges dismissed

on the grounds of entrapment.

- Ah, I was waiting for that
magic word to be uttered.

- Entrapment, when the crime

was not contemplated
by the defendant

but was instigated
by police officers,

and the defendant was,
by persuasion or fraud,

lured into its commission.

- Where a defendant

has a previously
existing criminal intent,

the fact that when
solicited by a decoy

he commits a crime,
does not show entrapment.

- Morris Hood
was an honest jurist

with no propensity for bribery

until your agent
lured him into it.

- Oh, really?

The life and times of
your squeaky clean jurist.

- If you could prove any
of these prior allegations,

you'd have
brought them to trial.

- Evidentiary problems.

- And this one is
every bit as tainted.

- He took the money, didn't he?

50,000 bucks worth.

- You came after him
three times before he took it,

raising the ante each time.

Or are you going
to deny that, too?

- No.

- Then you've violated
his rights yet again

when you turned his arrest
into a public spectacle.

- Well, what are
we supposed to do,

nominate him for sainthood
or maybe Chief Justice?

Is that what you want?

- No, I don't.

But I do think he's
suffered enough.

Let him retire from the
bench with his pension intact.

- You want a dismissal.

- And you want
him off the bench.

You want to avoid the
public embarrassment

of losing your
showboat case in court.

This serves both our ends, Stan.

And, truthfully, I don't see
any good purpose to be met

by sending a sad, broken
man like Morris Hood to prison.

Do you?

- People vs. Delores Kirby.

- Mother-in-law allegedly
harassed the ex-wife,

some spillage from one
of Arnold's divorce cases.

- And where do we stand
on the Cromwell suit?

- We've already gotten

two out of the three
causes of action dismissed.

Discovery and trial on the
remaining cause pending.

- Cromwell called me himself
to express his pleasure.

That's good work, Ann.

- Thank you.

- Stewart, this Chapman case,

does it have the possibility
of bouncing into litigation?

- Well, I haven't
interviewed them yet.

I'm flying up to San
Francisco on Thursday.

- Well, if there's nothing else.

- I had breakfast this
morning with Raymond Lloyd.

He's senior partner in
the firm of Marshal Taft,

which Mr. Lloyd informs
me now has over 400 lawyers

with offices in New York,
Miami, Chicago, San Francisco.

They're seeking to establish
a beachhead here in L.A.

and wondered if
we'd be interested

in becoming that beachhead.

I turned him down.
- Why?

- Well, it's conditional
on merging with them.

- I think they'd have their
pick of every firm in L.A.

That was a real coup
that they want us.

- Did Mr. Lloyd per chance
mention any figures?

- Purely speculatively,
he threw out

something in the nature of
300,000 to 400,000 per partner.

- And you didn't think

that was worth putting
before the partnership?

- Well, I felt certain
I spoke for us all.

- No offense, Leland,

but if somebody wants to hand
me close to a half a million bucks,

I don't want anyone
speaking for me but me.

- I'd have to agree with Arnold.

- I took it as an
article of faith

that the firm of
McKenzie Brackman

would never cotton
to being franchised.

I see I was wrong.

- Well, I think that
what we're objecting to

is having our opinions
preempted, Leland.

- In that case, Douglas,

why don't you and
Stewart contact Mr. Lloyd?

Get the full proposal

and present it
to the partnership

at its earliest convenience.

- Arnie, you have got
a ton of phone calls.

- Never mind that.

Get my realtor on
the phone quick.

- I guess you know
if this tribe splits up,

it's you and me out in the cold.

- I know.

- Trial experience can
make it a little warmer.

- I know that, too.

- So why don't you take this
telephone harassment case?

- When's the trial?

- Two days.

- Two days?

- It's Muni Court,
basically your client's word

against the ex-daughter-in-law.

You can learn
the file in an hour.

- Victor, I don't know.

I mean, it's just
that the thought

of trying a case by
myself is kind of scary.

- Well, the first
time always is,

but two days from now, you
will be much more confident,

not to mention more marketable.

- You're right.

Okay. I'll take it.

- Good. Good. I'll
have the client come in

the first thing in the morning.

Don't you worry about a thing.

You're gonna be great.

What do you think about
this Marshal Taft proposal?

- Never happen.

- Well, just in case
you're wrong, Mike,

I want you to know

that if you ever decided
to open up your own store,

there's no one else that I'd
rather hang out a shingle with.

- Thank you, Victor,

but I am positive that
it won't come to that.

- Were we in the same
staff meeting or what?

- What you heard was anger

at Leland's peremptory attitude
toward the other partners.

That's all.

- What I heard

was the distinctive
sound of money talking.

- I guarantee you, Victor,
when push comes to shove,

McKenzie Brackman
will not sell out.

- I hope you're right, Mike,

but I think you're wrong.

- Forgive me.

I'm trying not to
become too emotional,

but when I come to think of it,

I mean, how this woman

could actually have me
arrested and brought to trial

just because I'm concerned
about my grandson's wellbeing.

- Her statement to the police

alleges that you
made repeated calls

at all hours of the night, that
you used profane language.

- How do I explain this?

Ms. Perkins, do you by any
chance have any children?

- This is my son.

- Ah, well, then, maybe you
will understand what it's like

when someone tries to harm him,

how you turn into a
lioness protecting her cub.

That's the way I felt about
my son and now his son.

- So what happens is

you call to complain
about how she's raising him.

- No. Actually, I just call
to see how my grandson is.

But when that nine-year-old boy

tells me that he's home
all alone with nothing to eat

while his mother is off running
around with some man...

All right, I'm not denying
that perhaps my language

could be a little more ladylike,

but I wonder what you would
say to a woman like that.

- Under the
circumstances, Mrs. Kirby,

I am sure the city attorney

would be willing to talk
about a plea bargain.

- Oh, no, no. I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be difficult,

but I'm not guilty of anything.

She's the criminal, the
way she neglects that child.

The only reason she
brought this complaint

was as a wedge against
my son in his custody suit.

If I were to cave into her now,

I mean, who knows
what she would do?

- My God, you look like a
juror bringing in a guilty verdict.

- Actually, the meeting
went well, Morris.

The DA's office has agreed
to dismiss the charges

if you'll resign from the bench.

- You couldn't tell
me that yesterday?

- I didn't want to
get your hopes up

till I'd also met with Nick
Pierce at the state bar.

I've just come from
a breakfast meeting.

He thinks the ethics
commission will reinstate

with only a
three-month suspension.

- Forget about that.

Tell me about the
meeting with the DA.

They folded their
tents just like that?

- Their case is dubious.

- The case is crap,

or else they wouldn't
have folded that fast.

Am I right?

- Morris, the fact that
their case is tainted

doesn't vitiate the fact
that you took a bribe.

You've got to resign.

- Innocent until
proven guilty, Leland.

Besides, if I beat
the criminal charges,

the ethics committee
can't touch me.

- I wouldn't be
so certain of that.

Allegations of
judicial impropriety.

A federal wiretap suggesting
that you may have taken a bribe

on at least one other occasion.

If the DA loses at
trial, they'll throw this

to the judicial
committee and the bar.

The same standards
of evidence won't apply.

You'll be thrown
out of office, Morris.

They'll never let you
practice law again.

- I'm not some cheap crook.

There's no case
here, and you know it.

I was coerced.

- A stronger man
would have resisted.

Morris, please listen to me.

You've been lucky so far.

But, look, neither of
us is young any more.

It's time, Morris.

It's time to retire.

Please.

- Sit in the sun,
hit some golf balls.

God, that doesn't
sound half bad.

- No. Just because you're old

and ready for the
boneyard doesn't mean I am.

- Morris, if you insist
on taking this to trial,

you'll have to get
yourself another lawyer.

- I'll be happy to get
a new lawyer, Leland.

I was just doing you a favor
giving you this case anyway,

thinking you would
have been grateful

to win a big one like this.

But I guess you're
past it, aren't you?

I always knew
you were overrated.

- Case continued
until March 14, 1987.

Defendant to remain free OR.

Mr. Handeman, you'll let us know

as soon as you're ready
with your next case.

- Mr. Handeman,
I'm Abigail Perkins

from McKenzie, Brackman,
Chaney, and Kuzak.

- Oh, yeah. How's my
pal Mike Kuzak doing?

- Very well. I'm handling
People vs. Delores Kirby

set for jury trial tomorrow.

I was wondering if we
could discuss the case.

- This is the grandmother who
keeps calling daughter-in-law?

- Yes.

- Now, look, I hate
these family beefs.

I've got no problem
with a 50 buck fine,

three months summary probation.

- Actually, I was
looking for a dismissal.

I can't do that

or I'd have the daughter-in-law
screaming for my scalp.

Maybe we can just
continue the thing

with no finding or something.

- My client had no statutory
intent to annoy or harass.

- That's what she says.

- If you ask me, I
think it's the state

that's guilty of harassment
in the prosecution of this case.

- What is it with your firm?

First Kuzak comes in
chopping me at the knees

over some cheap hooker case.

Now you've got the hatchet.

- I've got no hatchet,
just an innocent client.

Either you agree to a
dismissal, or there's no deal.

- Guess I'll see you
in court, Counselor.

- According to the proposal,
they say we can stay intact.

They say we don't have to move.

They're offering us a
huge chunk of change.

People, I don't
see the downside.

- Marshal Taft has
over 400 lawyers.

It's a factory.

- Look, I want to buy a house.

I want some equity in my
life, and this is my chance.

- Look, even speaking strictly
from a financial point of view,

I think we're
being shortsighted.

Arnie, their average
partner income

is less than ours is right now.

You understand what that means?

It means we'll be making
more money for them

than they will be for us.

Besides which, I
don't understand

how many more cases we can
take on than we already have.

- With a greatly expanded
support system, lots.

- None of us is
exactly starving here.

We already work
10, 12 hours a day.

Now, my concern, my
bottom line, if you will,

is quality of life.

What happens when we
want to tell a client to go to hell?

We have to fly all the
way back to New York

to explain it to some
management committee?

Half the times you want to
tell someone to go to hell,

you can't explain
it. It's a feeling.

So how are we gonna
talk feelings to New York?

I don't know.

We're gonna wind up
representing a lot of folks

that we have no
business dealing with,

and that scares me.

- Hear, hear.

- It seems to me that this is
first and foremost a business,

and it's bad business to say no

to an offer as potentially
lucrative as this one.

- As we have been
here for several hours

and the hour is growing late,

if no one has
anything else to say,

I suggest we vote.

Yes for merger, no against.

We have a 3-3 deadlock.

In consideration of which,
I'm changing my no vote to yes.

- Leland, don't.

- Michael, please.

- If I may,

and I hope I don't
embarrass anyone

when I tell you how much
this firm means to me.

It's been my life, my family.

But the thing that
strikes me most

as I listen to the pros and
cons of this merger proposal

is the fact that I'm old enough

to be the father of
every partner in this firm,

and I suppose, like all fathers,

I've loved this firm
somewhat to its detriment.

I've loved it like my child.

But the ultimate job of a parent

is to know when
to stop parenting,

to know when
it's time to let go.

And clearly, if there is
to be a future for this firm,

it lies in heeding the wishes
of the younger partners.

Deadlock only exposes
our divisiveness.

It leaves us
vulnerable to raiding,

whereas accepting this offer,

by doing that, at
least we'll be together.

Under the circumstances,
I know of no other solution.

And unless someone else does...

I suggest that we let Douglas

enter into substantive
negotiations with Marshal Taft.

And as that concludes the...

- It was you, wasn't it?

- It was me, what?

- You were the
third vote to sell out.

- Yes.

- I don't understand
how you can do it, Ann.

Marshal Taft is a factory.

I mean, it's cold.
It's impersonal.

They go by the numbers, Ann.

- It's got an
impressive power base.

It'll allow us to access
the kind of cases

we're not currently
equipped to handle.

- Yeah, at what price?

I'm talking about you.

You think Marshal
Taft is gonna look kindly

on Ann Kelsey's
humanist instincts?

You think they're
gonna let your meter run

while you represent
some principle

that may or may not have
a profitable bottom line?

Come on, Ann.

Marshal Taft thinks pro
bono is Latin for sucker bet.

- Stewart, we're
all so inbred here.

I am not afraid of change.

I like the idea of new
contacts, travel, a bigger pond.

- Yeah, travel.

You know what
you're doing, don't you?

You're selling out
the integrity of this firm

because you want to
distance yourself from me.

- That's ridiculous.

- Uh-uh. I don't think so.

Ann, I'm asking you, please,

please reconsider
this merger business.

And I'm going to
make it easy for you.

Our relationship is over.

I'm not gonna
bother you anymore.

- Gracie, you're up.

- More or less.

- You know, I never even
heard you come in last night.

- The good news is
I threatened to quit

unless they let me
out of night court.

The bad news is
they took me seriously,

which means I'm still
gainfully employed.

- You're back in day court?

- Downtown felony
trials starting Monday.

- That's great.
- Yeah.

- Oh, Gracie, I missed you.

- Me, too.

- You didn't really think
about quitting, did you?

- Not this minute, but I
sure can't picture myself

doing the same
job my whole life.

- You know, I actually
used to think I could.

Coffee, coffee, coffee.

I mean, be a lifer in the firm.

But I'm not a corporate man.

And if Leland ever decided
to pull back his involvement...

- What would you do?

- That's just the
thing. I don't know.

- Hmm.

- I just wanted it to
stay the way it was.

- Well, if you don't like
it, you can always quit.

- Oh, I've been
thinking about that.

- Tell you what, Kuzak.

You want to take six
months off and figure this out,

don't worry about money.

I can take care of us.

- Gracie.

- Come here.

Let me dry you off.

- Ooh. Mmm.

- All support personnel are
tied to the same minicomputer.

It handles up to 30
freestanding VDTs.

We're only using
half its capacity.

Plenty of room for expansion.

- You'll need the extra room.

Is your file room online, too?

- I'm afraid we're
in the Dark Ages

when it comes to
our filing system.

It's all paper.

- You ever think about
putting up dividers,

walls around these desks?

- Yeah, you cube
the support personnel,

you cut down on
unnecessary gossip.

- Get a lot more work done.

- You make the walls
around the secretary's desk

smoked Plexiglas.

They can't hang anything, so
they stop bringing in mementos.

It gives the firm a clean
hard-edged business look.

- You mean they can't see out?

- No, but you can see in to
make sure they're working.

- Sounds a little
claustrophobic.

- We have to work
in offices, don't we?

Why shouldn't they
work in cubicles?

And why not cut
down on the clutter?

- Personally, I like clutter.

I can't help it. I do.

- Ready?

- I have my opening
statement on cards,

my questions, my
list of cases on point,

cross-exam questions,
closing arguments.

- They will never
know what hit them.

- So how come
I'm scared to death?

- Rox, this house in Malibu,
it's got glass everywhere.

It's got a black bottom
pool, 180-degree ocean view.

It's got a fireplace so big
you could roll a tree into it.

Rox, I love it.

- Oh.

- Rox?

Whatever it is, I'm
gonna make it better.

Come here.

- Oh, Arnie, it's
gonna be awful.

- What?

- If we become
part of Marshal Taft.

- Oh, no, it won't.

- Is there any chance
it won't go through?

- I doubt it, but
where I go, you go.

I swear, Rox, we're
joined at the hip.

Nothing is going to separate us.

- I've done some calling around.

They make you punch time clocks.

They charge you
for personal calls.

You have to get supervisory
approval for overtime.

The secretaries
have work quotas.

- Rox, that's there.

We're gonna stay put right here.

It's gonna be business as usual.

- Arnie, there are
two efficiency experts

out there right now
measuring us for cubicles.

And put this in your computer.

Marshal Taft imposes a
dress code on all its attorneys.

They ought to
call it Marshal Law.

Ask Scott Gottlieb.

- Who is Scott Gottlieb?

- He's a trust expert with
Cohen, Kagan, and Faller

on the 12th floor.

He used to work for
Marshal Taft in Chicago.

- Okay. Call.

See if he's free for lunch.

- We're live in
downtown Los Angeles,

where Judge Morris
Hood has just arrived

at a hastily-called
news conference

to announce his resignation.

His decision to call it quits

follows his
highly-publicized arrest

for allegedly accepting a bribe.

Let's hear what he has to say.

- Hey, I've served with
diligence and integrity,

and now I've earned
the right to step aside.

- Sir, isn't it true
that your resignation

was key to the DA's office

dropping criminal
charges against you?

- My client is leaving the bench

with all the privileges
of his former position.

Further than that,
we have no comment.

- Mr. Glansman, is it
true that Judge Hood

is joining your
criminal law practice?

- As a matter of fact, I have
tendered an offer to Judge Hood,

and I look forward to a long
and rewarding association

with such a
distinguished colleague.

- Thank you, Paul.

The truth is,

my personal experience
of the past few weeks

has given me a renewed
sense of purpose.

After a short
vacation with my wife,

I'll look forward to defending
individuals like myself

who have been deprived
of their constitutional rights.

- He just couldn't give you
the satisfaction, could he?

Hmm. You look tired.

Why don't you go home?

- Maybe I will.

Go hit some golf balls.

- Self-pity doesn't
become you, Leland.

- Nor does self-delusion.

I'm not getting
any younger, Iris.

- Well, in three years, I'll
be finished with law school.

We could hang out a shingle,
Hubbard and McKenzie.

Ooh, that has a nice ring to it.

McKenzie and Hubbard.

- Your Honor, I represent
the defendant Delores Kirby

in this matter who was charged
with one count PC, Section 653M.

I have the papers, Counselor.

Let's proceed.

- Yes, sir.

The defense will show

that the defendant
is the grandmother

of the complainant's son.

We will further show that she
made the phone calls in question

out of her love
for her grandson.

- Counsel approach.

What are we doing here?

- I tried to plea it out, Judge.

I even offered to continue
it without a finding.

- My client is
innocent, Your Honor,

and I cannot in good faith

recommend that she
plead guilty to a crime.

- Civilian complaint,
Judge. I can't just drop it.

- All right. Let's go.

Ms. Perkins, I'm sure
the rest of your opening

is gonna be terrific,

but since I'll be deciding
this case on the evidence,

can we just get to it?

- Yes, sir.

- The People call
Nancy Tritchler.

And at some
point, Ms. Tritchler,

did you call the police
about the phone calls?

- I had to.

I couldn't take it anymore,
the vile language, the threats.

I had to do something
to finally stop her.

- Thank you. I
have nothing further.

- Counselor.

Ms. Tritchler, isn't it true

that you often forgot to pick
up your son after school?

- Objection, irrelevant.

- Sustained.

- It goes to state of
mind, Your Honor.

I'm trying to establish that
my client called out of concern

because she felt
that Ms. Tritchler

was neglecting the child.

- The witness is
incompetent to testify

as to the defendant's
state of mind,

but if it'll speed things up,

the People will stipulate

that the defendant thought
the witness was a lousy mother

and that she often called
to express that sentiment.

The People will also stipulate

that the defendant's son
felt exactly the same way.

- Is that where you're
going, Ms. Perkins,

to show this woman
made these calls

to criticize this woman's
maternal performance?

- Yes.

- Well, then I don't...

- Well, no, I mean, she
called for more than that.

She also called to
provide information.

- You may proceed
within that scope.

- Ms. Tritchler, didn't
my client sometimes call

to tell you things like where
the boy could be picked up

or what time he
should be dropped off?

- No. His father would do that.

She would only
call to berate me.

- Like bloody hell.

- I will not tolerate any
more of that, Mrs. Kirby.

- Isn't it true that she
would sometimes call

to ask you legitimate questions?

- She would call to tell me

that I was the worst thing
that ever happened to her son

and that I was
probably the worst thing

that ever happened to my son.

- I have nothing further.

- The People rest, Your Honor.

- You may step
down, Mrs. Tritchler.

- Um...

Uh, the defense
calls Delores Kirby.

Mrs. Kirby, could
you tell the court

what occasioned you to
telephone the complainant

repeatedly over
the last two months?

- I was worried
about my grandson.

- What specifically
bothered you, Mrs. Kirby?

- Well, all her men
friends, for one thing.

She lives the life of a whore.

- I want that on the record.

- Sit down, Ms. Tritchler.

- I don't think it's right
that a nine-year-old boy

should be brought
up in that environment.

I called to express
my opinion. That's all.

- Now, Mrs. Kirby,
the records indicate

that sometimes you would
call as many as six times a day.

- Most of those calls
were to my grandson.

I'd call, and he'd
be out playing,

so I'd call back later.

Can I help it if that filthy
little slut keeps answering?

- I want that on the record...

- Will somebody please shut...

- Over your dead body.

- That's enough.
- Mrs. Kirby!

Is it your testimony then

that you made these calls
to your ex-daughter-in-law

not with the intent
to annoy or harass,

but simply out of concern for
the welfare of your grandson?

- Yes, it is.
- Thank you.

I have nothing further.

- No cross.

- Mrs. Kirby, you're excused.

- The defense rests, Your Honor.

- Can we waive
closing arguments?

- Yes.
- Well, I'd like to say...

- Nothing you could
say, Ms. Perkins,

could possibly sway me.

Will the defendant please rise?

Mrs. Kirby, I'm sure you're
a very giving grandparent,

but you have no
right to call this woman

to tell her she's a bad mother.

You have no right to threaten
her or to use obscene language.

If you want to file a
report with social services,

that's one thing.

But those repeated calls
constitute a criminal violation.

Don't do it.

Now, what I'm gonna
do is continue this matter

without a finding for one year.

If you behave, I'll dismiss
the complaint at that time.

But if you continue
to make these calls,

I will find you guilty

on the facts
presented to me today.

I'll slap you with a big fine,

and I'll make you
spend a week in jail.

Now, I know you don't
want that to happen,

so no more calls.

Now, Mr. Handeman, Ms.
Perkins, approach the bench.

Let me offer you these
observations, Ms. Perkins,

in the hope that you
learn something from them.

I found your
irresponsible rejection

of the city attorney's offer,

coupled with a defense strategy
that all but assured conviction,

and compounded by your
inability to control your own client

to be shamefully unprofessional.

Please be so kind
to tell your friend

that the next time they look to
send inexperienced attorneys out

to cut their teeth, that they
stay away from my courtroom.

That's all.

Abby?

I am sorry about McGrath.

If I'd known it was gonna
get transferred to him,

I never would have sent you in.

He is a bear.

- I was a mess, Victor.

I couldn't even
think straight in there.

- I remember my first trial.

All I got was an upset stomach,

two wobbly knees,
and a guilty verdict.

Seriously, I had to
run out after the trial

and throw up on my
new pair of shoes.

- I'm not meant
to be a trial lawyer.

I should just be
the little office mole

researching,
sight-checking, stuff like that.

- It happens to everybody, Abby.

The only thing that
really matters is the result,

and Mrs. Kirby got a good one.

- Don't try to make
me feel better, Victor.

You weren't there.

- But I was.

You excuse us for
a minute, Victor?

- Sure.

- For what it's worth,

I thought the judge
was out of line.

- Oh, but you weren't,

telling him it was me
who wanted the trial.

- It was the truth.

- He was against
me from the start,

and you contributed to that.

- Listen, it happens.

I lost my first case, too.

- Oh, and you just love
rubbing my nose in it, don't you?

- Not really.

- Then why did you
come down here?

- To ask you out on a date.

- A date?

- What's with you?
- What's with you?

You do everything you can
to embarrass me in court,

and then you come
marching in here...

- Hey, I just tried my case.

You embarrassed yourself.

I don't know what
the hell I was thinking

when I came in here.

- Hi, George.
- Stick it, Counselor.

- Status, Cromwell.

- Unchanged.

- Stewart is currently
in San Francisco

on the Chapman case.

And in her first
major league at bat...

- Douglas.

- Victor, even the
great ones strike out.

I trust, Ms. Perkins,

you will dig in at the
plate next time at bat

and hit the ball
out of the park.

- Thank you.

- Even Richard Nixon
lost his first case.

Finally, negotiations,
as you all know,

are proceeding apace vis-à-vis
merging with Marshal Taft.

- Douglas, if you'll permit me,

after a great deal of thought,

I have come to regret the
position I took on the merger.

- All right, Annie.

- The decision was made
emotionally and in haste,

and I don't think I had
the firm's best interest

or even my own at heart,

so I'm formally changing
my yes vote to a no.

- Leaving us where?

- Back at 3-3.

Anyone else care to recant

while you've still
got the chance?

- Well, actually, I've
been thinking about it.

- Douglas.

- I truthfully am quite put off

by their hands-on
style of management.

Further, after several
sessions of hard negotiation,

it's become clear

that the upfront dollars
once talked about are illusory.

- What?

- They proposed payment
over a seven-year span.

- Wait, seven years?

- Non-negotiable.

- Whoa, forget that.

Besides, I had lunch with a guy

who used to work
for them in Chicago.

Says it was like boot camp.

- Let's tell 'em to go to hell.

- Okay.

- Leland, that makes
you the only one left.

- I'll bow to the
will of the majority.

- Rox, we're not merging.

The deal's off. Call
my realtor quick.

- It's a dress code.

Thank you.

Personally, I think you
made the right decision.

- I hope so.

Sometimes bigger
really is better.

- Well, for what it's worth,

I chose McKenzie
Brackman because of you

and because they were small,

and I've had no reason to
regret my decision on either count.

- Thank you.

- Ann, I think I told you

the first time we
went to dinner together

that flirtation is
just not my style.

The last few weeks working
with you so intimately,

well, I've grown
intensely attracted to you.

- I'm sorry, George.

- You're as attracted
to me as I am to you.

I can feel it.

- Maybe at another
time in my life.

- So what you're saying
is that you're a tease.

You just like to flirt.

- No.
- Oh, yes, that you enjoy

shooting up these
little sexual flares.

Late night meetings,
the intimate little touches.

What was the real agenda,
Ann, this Markowitz character?

You pump me up so
you can yank his leash?

- If I gave you any
mixed signals, I apologize,

but I'm in love with this
Markowitz character.

And if you'll excuse me,
I've got to catch a plane.

- Mr. Becker, your
realtor tells me

you have a written offer
to present on our house.

- Arnie, and actually, to
be totally candid with you,

I don't want to buy your house.

- Well, in that case,

I got better things
to do with my time.

- Mr. Alport, Mrs.
Alport, please.

I know this seems
very unorthodox,

but the truth is my heart
went out to both of you

when I heard
about your situation.

- What did you hear?

- Just that the house
that you bought

in hopes of shoring
up a troubled marriage

had become a mirror of
your shattered dreams.

- Who the hell is this jerk?

Listen, pal, our marriage is
none of your damn business.

- Actually, it is my
business, literally, I mean.

I'm a divorce lawyer.

- Well, we already have a
couple of sharks bleeding us dry.

- In fact, I happen
to admire and respect

both of your attorneys,

and I'm not trying to
steal their business.

- So what's in it for you?

- Absolutely nothing
more than the satisfaction

of seeing two people

who probably love
each other very much

work out their problems.

- Love? Huh. Well,
the little woman

sure had a hell of
a way of showing it.

- It was nothing.

A cry for attention.

- What the hell do
you know about this?

- Only people who
love each other

punish each other this much.

- Well, thanks a lot, Dr. Freud.

- Tell me, Gordon.
Look me right in the eye.

Tell me that you never
did it with another woman

while you were married.

So the house became
a very good way

to avoid dealing with
your real problems.

- Since the day we bought it,
we were at each other's throats.

- Of course. It
happens all the time.

It's not your fault.

- The decisions,
the constant hassles.

You know, I get enough
of that stuff at work.

I didn't need to come
home to that punishment.

- Maybe you could have been
a little bit more understanding?

And maybe you could have
been more sensitive to her needs.

- Oh, come on.

Don't.

- Marriage is like
a ship in the ocean.

Sometimes you just
have to ride the storm out.

- Let's give it another try.

Please come home.

- I can't live there.

- Well, I don't want to sell it.

- Look, how about in
the spirit of compromise,

you lease it?

- I could live with that.

- Me, too, I guess.

- Sign here.

- Excuse me. Buy a lady a drink?

- What would the
lady be drinking?

- You know how to
make a Venus Butterfly?

- No, I'm sorry. That
one's not in my repertoire.

- That's okay. It's in mine.

- Are you here
alone at the hotel?

Perhaps we could
go to your room.

- I have to call room service.

- I know.