Kukhnya (2012–2016): Season 1, Episode 9 - Episode #1.9 - full transcript
Ex-wife chef Tatiana comes into the restaurant asking to look after her daughter Alice. But even for such a task father is unbearable. This creates an interesting situation. Max prescribed to help Louis. As a result of his burn the hands of Louis and Max is forced to prepare himself under instruction Louis. Max learns some secrets confectionery skills, and overhears the conversation interesting information from Alice.
Chef, I have a problem...
I need a partner very urgently.
Louis, I'm afraid I won't be able to help you with that.
But no... you are very nice-looking guy...
I wont be able to manage myself.
The order for banquet is too big.
Croissants, tartines and cake for 40 people.
Aha...you need an assistant.
Oui... assistant.
Louis, you should learn Russian better, not to get in trouble.
Ok, Senia
Oh, chicken-butt, come here.
Please, anyone but him.
He can't differentiate Tarte Tatin from Blancmange.
What from what?
And can you differentiate DOSAAF from OSOAVIAHIM (names of soviet societies)?
Decided.
Louis, Max is your partner today.
Assistant.
- Enjoy your meal.
- Thanks.
Nastya, why are you late?
- I was protesting.
- Protesting?
Come here.
Nastya.
I was protesting to save our stripy friends.
- We are against our stripy friends, poor animals...
- I understand.
- ... little raccoons, wolverines…
- I understand, understand…quiet...
Listen to me. Now you go and change, remove all make-up.
Go now.
Fast.
Aunty Vika, aunty Vika.
Aliska! Hello, my sweety, hello.
- Hi.
-Hello.
Where is my lipstick? Its not just a day, its a catastrophe.
My car got broken again
and my nanny said she has fever, so she won't come.
How dare she not to come when I pay her 40 thousands?
Be quieter with this toy.
Listen, can I leave her with you today?
Did you loose your mind?
You know Alisa, and moreover I have banquet today.
She won't trouble you at all, I promise.
Mam, look, its you!
And here is your lipstick.
Stop it, please, stop it.
Olya, Artem, change the tablecloth.
Alisa, come here.
Listen, just for few hours. Just till 6 pm.
Till 6 pm, Tanya, is 6 hours. 6 hours!
Vika, who can I trust with my child but my sister?
Oh, my God!
- Ok, I will find the way.
- Thanks, thank you.
- Will you stop by to see him?
- To see him?
- No. why?
- And it’s a mistake…
Daddy!
And Im sitting and thinking when my beloved wife will come over.
Mam, kiss daddy.
You ex-wife.
- Did you put on some weight?
- Yes.
And thirdly, don't steal Louis's recipes.
What is it?
And fourthly, don't touch anything.
Did you understand? Repeat.
Why are you showing off so much?
You are just a pastry chef.
You cook some desserts, and act as if you are the Chef.
What?
Now we will see how you cook "some desserts".
And now you have to catch this mouse and give it to the cat,
so he will bite off its head.
For every mouse you get 10 points.
Such an interesting game. Kids are so smart.
Smarter than some adults.
Ok, Vika. Here is her stuff. See you in the evening.
I didn't get it, dear. What's wrong?
You know, love, I have things to do, so Alisa will stay with her aunt.
Why is with her aunt but not dad, dear?
Because her dad has already left his daughter once.
Let Alisa decide with whom she will stay.
Alisa, do you want to stay with dad or aunt Vika?
Aunt Vika, I love you so much,
but I will stay with dad.
Decided. Come to me, little one, come.
Come, I will give you a chocolate.
- She is not allowed to eat chocolate.
- I know.
Vika, see you in the evening. I will be back at 8 pm.
8 pm?
Tanya!
Chef, they ask for two more specialties from Chef.
Lyova, can't you see, I'm busy, I'm playing with my daughter.
Daddy, do I look like you?
Of course, sweety.
And mom says, thanks God that I didn't take after you.
She is joking like this.
Don't pay attention.
Lyova, Im sick of you.
Sit down here.
Look after Alisa.
Alisa, play with uncle Lyova.
Always keep an eye on her and don't give her chocolate.
She has an allergy.
Let's play.
Maybe its better just to sit quietly.
I'll tell daddy and he will fire you.
Le'ts play.
What shall we play?
Hide-and-seek.
Ok.
Who will hide? Me or you?
Of course me.You are too tall to hide.
Close your eyes and count till 100.
One, two, three...
Slow down, I'm a child...
One...
Two...
Three...
Four...
And all this we have to prepare?!
Not "we', but you...
I'll just command you.
I'm a little bit of an artist.
Before creating my masterpiece, I draw it.
It will be our cake.
This is the emblem of the bank.
Today its one year.
This is president and vice-president,
Nikolai and Boris.
Nikolai is blond.
That's why we'll have white chocolate here.
Logical.
Look, Boris has a mole.
I will make the mole of the raisin.
So Boris will have his own raisin (specialty).
They say like this in Russian, don't they?
Maybe we should start already.
Come in.
So you say that your dad is working here.
Yes, my dad is a cook.
Which one?
Guess... he is the kindest and the most handsome.
Alisa!
So its you then...
- ...the kindest and the most handsome.
- Cant you tell?
- Where have you been?
- I went for a walk.
She was hiding at ours, behind the garbage bin, next to our restaurant.
I would never thought that you have a daughter.
Can you imagine?
Do you maybe have a wife as well?
Do I need to have a wife to have a daughter?
You are not Philip Kirkorov (rus.singer), arent you?
Well, bye. See you.
98.... 99.....100...
Lyova, I will kill you.
I told you too keep an eye on Alisa.
Bbbbut, we were playing.
Listen, you , six-foot-high elk,
Why did you grow up and your brains didn't?
That's it, go back to work.
- Bbbut…we, we…
- Lyova!!! Go back to work!!!
Enough, Alisa, I won't let you to do even one step aside.
- Chef!
- What?
They brought the groceries. We have to receive.
Can't you do it without me?!
I can receive.
I will come now.
Lets bet, you cant sit here without moving for 10 minutes.
Lets bet one thousend.
Without moving!
Deal.
Alisa?
Faster! Faster!
Its time to add eggs already!
Usually i do the filling at once,
so you have to take powder and condensed milk.
Go! go!
Careful, careful!
Evenly, without any lumps.
Oui.
No, no,no.
Oh-la-la-la.
And you have to heat up chocolate.
- So many things!
- It’s fine.
Because for you it’s just “cooking some desserts”.
Answer my phone.
Hello.
No!
(Speaking French)
Where is my knife?
Look, I'm like daddy.
"Cripples, cripples!!!"
Chef!
Chef, few more seconds and I could be injured by your daughter.
If I knew, I would come a bit later.
Back to work.
Alisa, what should I do with you?
If I leave...
will you run away again?
Ok.
Aunt Vika.
She kept bugging me about you.
"I want to Aunt Vika"
But I have to meet the guests now, Vitya.
Really, don't you want to stay with your lovely nice?
Here we go, amazing.
Let's play hide-and-seek.
Oh, my God!
Kostya, this french psycho asked for the usual whiskey,
he said that you know.
Kostya, get a glass of water, please.
I didn't know that you have kids.
But I've always known that you don't have brains.
Its my sister's daughter - Alisa.
Why are you in the dining-hall again?
- I need a cognac. I’m a pastry cook today.
- Who?
It's another whim of the Chef.
" Chicken-butt, you will work as french invalid today"
You are imitating my dad now.
And my dad is the Boss here.
Is it Chef's daughter?
Wait then... your sister and Chef...
It means that you are Chef's relative.
Its not your business.
Ok, I'll go.
And I will see you soon.
Tell me, is it your fiance?
What made you think that?
You won't trick woman's heart.
Do you love him same way as my mom loves my dad?
Exactly, I love him just the way your mom loves your dad.
Ok, let's go to work.
We have banquet in an hour.
Thanks.
Alisa!
Good afternoon.
Alisa!
Good afternoon. This way, please.
Sit down.
Alisa, I need to work now.
Please, sit here quietly and play.
Understand?
- I will be quiet, aunt Vika.
- Smart girl, play here.
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
Me and my assistant are happy to see you in our restaurant.
Good afternoon.
Such a cute girl!
Is it your mom?
No, its my aunt.
Is it your grandpa?
I also had a grandpa in Novorosiisk, but he died.
And yours? will he die soon too?
And here is daddy.
Its way more interesting for Alisa with her dad, then with her aunt.
Bye, dear.
Daddy's daughter.
Daddy, lets play.
Let me see firstly how this invalids cook,
and then we will play.
Watch it.
Less parmesan...
Are you doing cod or parmesan carpaccio?
Sauce was ordered half an hour ago, move faster.
Can anyone keep Madrilena in the fridge?
I will do, Chef.
Aha, Chef...
Ali...
And finishing touch...
Its a raisin.
Its nuts!
And I did this.
Not you, but me guiding you.
Just like in the cartoon "Ratatui".
- So are you like a rat (from cartoon)?
- Oui.
No, it doesn't matter.
What do artists do when they finish their masterpiece?
What? They get drunk.
No, they sign it.
Where is my liquid chocolate?
- Did you devour it?
- Maybe you devoured it.
Not me...you...
Chef, i kinda checked everywhere.
She is nowhere to be found.
What means"kinda"?
Look for her.
Nastya, is there any news?
Chef, Alisa is not here, I checked everywhere.
Sorry.
Chef, she is not in the toilet.
Chef, I checked outside cameras,
she didn’t leave the building.
I don't need your outside cameras,
you should have checked internal,
where can she hide.
But I was ordered to switch off internal cameras.
- What idiot ordered it?
- It was you, Chef.
Well... it can not be any worse.
But no, it can be.
Yes, Tanya.
Everything is alright.
Alisa is fine.
Go ahead, come now.
This is the end.
Chef, don't worry that much.
As they got used to say in the navy...
We will turn upside down the whole cabin,
but find this little shit.
They used to say about mice like this.
Well...get out!
Talking about mice...
A mouse.
Quiet everyone. Complete silence. Keep quiet.
Switch off all equipment!
Shut up everyone!
Don't breathe!
I need dead silence.
Cripple!
Here you are.
What is it?
It's chocolate. She is not allowed chocolate.
- You are a cripple!
- I didn’t give her. I can’t…
I'm a cripple, I can't...
I can't... It's not me! No! But...
What is it on her face?
What, what? Its an allergy.
You've been told 100 times,
I’m not allowed chocolate.
Why weren't you watching me?
Chef, you wife is there, she is calling you.
Alisa, What do you think...
you mom will kill me before this spots will be gone?
You don't know. Lyova, I need a pen and paper
to write down my last will.
- Wow, such a cool cake!
- Do you like it?
- I made it.
- For aunt Vika?
- Why for aunt Vika?
- Dad has always cooked for my mom.
So it means dad loves your mom.
Exactly, and aunt Vika said that she loves you.
Men have such weak characters after all!
I think we can serve cake in 5 minutes.
What is this?
Disaster!
Calm down.
I will fix everything.
Where is Alisa?
We decided with her that
she will stay with me one more day.
You don't mind, right?
If she wants... Well, let's go I will say bye to her.
But why? I'll say to her for you,
she is in the kitchen having fun.
By the way, she asked me to say bye to you.
- Well! Where is Alisa? What happened to her?
- Everything is alright, she is playing in the kitchen.
You still haven't learnt to lie.
Louis, that's too much.
Listen, I just turned away for a second and...
Hi, mom!
Alisa, wait, I didn't finish to paint your nose.
You won't be scolding us for this, right?
Hello, my dear.
Well, ok... if she wants to stay, she can,
but remember, under no circumstances she is allowed...
...whiskey. I remember.
Good.
And for this tiny cake we paid 100 thousands?
This is their famous pastry chef from France.
Of course, its outrageous.
How do they know about us?
I don't know.
I suggest to pay them and don't focus on this.
Agreed.
And we have to live apart for a certain time.
Agreed.
Cheers, for anniversary of our bank. Hurrah!
Hurrah! Hurrah!
- How is banquet going on?
- Everything is fine.
What happened with cake?
Nothing.
Guests are happy.
Thanks God!
Its remarkable, how many discoveries we do every day.
You might think that a person
is just waiting for an opportunity to destroy you
and they save you.
You might think you handle the whole team,
and in reality you can't handle a small kid.
You might think
he is always so indifferent to everything
but then you understand that you hardly know him.
Listen, Louis, dont get offended with me.
I was wrong.
Your job is really complicated.
Oh, no...nonsense... its just "some desserts"
There are so many discoveries ahead...
And its great.
I need a partner very urgently.
Louis, I'm afraid I won't be able to help you with that.
But no... you are very nice-looking guy...
I wont be able to manage myself.
The order for banquet is too big.
Croissants, tartines and cake for 40 people.
Aha...you need an assistant.
Oui... assistant.
Louis, you should learn Russian better, not to get in trouble.
Ok, Senia
Oh, chicken-butt, come here.
Please, anyone but him.
He can't differentiate Tarte Tatin from Blancmange.
What from what?
And can you differentiate DOSAAF from OSOAVIAHIM (names of soviet societies)?
Decided.
Louis, Max is your partner today.
Assistant.
- Enjoy your meal.
- Thanks.
Nastya, why are you late?
- I was protesting.
- Protesting?
Come here.
Nastya.
I was protesting to save our stripy friends.
- We are against our stripy friends, poor animals...
- I understand.
- ... little raccoons, wolverines…
- I understand, understand…quiet...
Listen to me. Now you go and change, remove all make-up.
Go now.
Fast.
Aunty Vika, aunty Vika.
Aliska! Hello, my sweety, hello.
- Hi.
-Hello.
Where is my lipstick? Its not just a day, its a catastrophe.
My car got broken again
and my nanny said she has fever, so she won't come.
How dare she not to come when I pay her 40 thousands?
Be quieter with this toy.
Listen, can I leave her with you today?
Did you loose your mind?
You know Alisa, and moreover I have banquet today.
She won't trouble you at all, I promise.
Mam, look, its you!
And here is your lipstick.
Stop it, please, stop it.
Olya, Artem, change the tablecloth.
Alisa, come here.
Listen, just for few hours. Just till 6 pm.
Till 6 pm, Tanya, is 6 hours. 6 hours!
Vika, who can I trust with my child but my sister?
Oh, my God!
- Ok, I will find the way.
- Thanks, thank you.
- Will you stop by to see him?
- To see him?
- No. why?
- And it’s a mistake…
Daddy!
And Im sitting and thinking when my beloved wife will come over.
Mam, kiss daddy.
You ex-wife.
- Did you put on some weight?
- Yes.
And thirdly, don't steal Louis's recipes.
What is it?
And fourthly, don't touch anything.
Did you understand? Repeat.
Why are you showing off so much?
You are just a pastry chef.
You cook some desserts, and act as if you are the Chef.
What?
Now we will see how you cook "some desserts".
And now you have to catch this mouse and give it to the cat,
so he will bite off its head.
For every mouse you get 10 points.
Such an interesting game. Kids are so smart.
Smarter than some adults.
Ok, Vika. Here is her stuff. See you in the evening.
I didn't get it, dear. What's wrong?
You know, love, I have things to do, so Alisa will stay with her aunt.
Why is with her aunt but not dad, dear?
Because her dad has already left his daughter once.
Let Alisa decide with whom she will stay.
Alisa, do you want to stay with dad or aunt Vika?
Aunt Vika, I love you so much,
but I will stay with dad.
Decided. Come to me, little one, come.
Come, I will give you a chocolate.
- She is not allowed to eat chocolate.
- I know.
Vika, see you in the evening. I will be back at 8 pm.
8 pm?
Tanya!
Chef, they ask for two more specialties from Chef.
Lyova, can't you see, I'm busy, I'm playing with my daughter.
Daddy, do I look like you?
Of course, sweety.
And mom says, thanks God that I didn't take after you.
She is joking like this.
Don't pay attention.
Lyova, Im sick of you.
Sit down here.
Look after Alisa.
Alisa, play with uncle Lyova.
Always keep an eye on her and don't give her chocolate.
She has an allergy.
Let's play.
Maybe its better just to sit quietly.
I'll tell daddy and he will fire you.
Le'ts play.
What shall we play?
Hide-and-seek.
Ok.
Who will hide? Me or you?
Of course me.You are too tall to hide.
Close your eyes and count till 100.
One, two, three...
Slow down, I'm a child...
One...
Two...
Three...
Four...
And all this we have to prepare?!
Not "we', but you...
I'll just command you.
I'm a little bit of an artist.
Before creating my masterpiece, I draw it.
It will be our cake.
This is the emblem of the bank.
Today its one year.
This is president and vice-president,
Nikolai and Boris.
Nikolai is blond.
That's why we'll have white chocolate here.
Logical.
Look, Boris has a mole.
I will make the mole of the raisin.
So Boris will have his own raisin (specialty).
They say like this in Russian, don't they?
Maybe we should start already.
Come in.
So you say that your dad is working here.
Yes, my dad is a cook.
Which one?
Guess... he is the kindest and the most handsome.
Alisa!
So its you then...
- ...the kindest and the most handsome.
- Cant you tell?
- Where have you been?
- I went for a walk.
She was hiding at ours, behind the garbage bin, next to our restaurant.
I would never thought that you have a daughter.
Can you imagine?
Do you maybe have a wife as well?
Do I need to have a wife to have a daughter?
You are not Philip Kirkorov (rus.singer), arent you?
Well, bye. See you.
98.... 99.....100...
Lyova, I will kill you.
I told you too keep an eye on Alisa.
Bbbbut, we were playing.
Listen, you , six-foot-high elk,
Why did you grow up and your brains didn't?
That's it, go back to work.
- Bbbut…we, we…
- Lyova!!! Go back to work!!!
Enough, Alisa, I won't let you to do even one step aside.
- Chef!
- What?
They brought the groceries. We have to receive.
Can't you do it without me?!
I can receive.
I will come now.
Lets bet, you cant sit here without moving for 10 minutes.
Lets bet one thousend.
Without moving!
Deal.
Alisa?
Faster! Faster!
Its time to add eggs already!
Usually i do the filling at once,
so you have to take powder and condensed milk.
Go! go!
Careful, careful!
Evenly, without any lumps.
Oui.
No, no,no.
Oh-la-la-la.
And you have to heat up chocolate.
- So many things!
- It’s fine.
Because for you it’s just “cooking some desserts”.
Answer my phone.
Hello.
No!
(Speaking French)
Where is my knife?
Look, I'm like daddy.
"Cripples, cripples!!!"
Chef!
Chef, few more seconds and I could be injured by your daughter.
If I knew, I would come a bit later.
Back to work.
Alisa, what should I do with you?
If I leave...
will you run away again?
Ok.
Aunt Vika.
She kept bugging me about you.
"I want to Aunt Vika"
But I have to meet the guests now, Vitya.
Really, don't you want to stay with your lovely nice?
Here we go, amazing.
Let's play hide-and-seek.
Oh, my God!
Kostya, this french psycho asked for the usual whiskey,
he said that you know.
Kostya, get a glass of water, please.
I didn't know that you have kids.
But I've always known that you don't have brains.
Its my sister's daughter - Alisa.
Why are you in the dining-hall again?
- I need a cognac. I’m a pastry cook today.
- Who?
It's another whim of the Chef.
" Chicken-butt, you will work as french invalid today"
You are imitating my dad now.
And my dad is the Boss here.
Is it Chef's daughter?
Wait then... your sister and Chef...
It means that you are Chef's relative.
Its not your business.
Ok, I'll go.
And I will see you soon.
Tell me, is it your fiance?
What made you think that?
You won't trick woman's heart.
Do you love him same way as my mom loves my dad?
Exactly, I love him just the way your mom loves your dad.
Ok, let's go to work.
We have banquet in an hour.
Thanks.
Alisa!
Good afternoon.
Alisa!
Good afternoon. This way, please.
Sit down.
Alisa, I need to work now.
Please, sit here quietly and play.
Understand?
- I will be quiet, aunt Vika.
- Smart girl, play here.
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
Me and my assistant are happy to see you in our restaurant.
Good afternoon.
Such a cute girl!
Is it your mom?
No, its my aunt.
Is it your grandpa?
I also had a grandpa in Novorosiisk, but he died.
And yours? will he die soon too?
And here is daddy.
Its way more interesting for Alisa with her dad, then with her aunt.
Bye, dear.
Daddy's daughter.
Daddy, lets play.
Let me see firstly how this invalids cook,
and then we will play.
Watch it.
Less parmesan...
Are you doing cod or parmesan carpaccio?
Sauce was ordered half an hour ago, move faster.
Can anyone keep Madrilena in the fridge?
I will do, Chef.
Aha, Chef...
Ali...
And finishing touch...
Its a raisin.
Its nuts!
And I did this.
Not you, but me guiding you.
Just like in the cartoon "Ratatui".
- So are you like a rat (from cartoon)?
- Oui.
No, it doesn't matter.
What do artists do when they finish their masterpiece?
What? They get drunk.
No, they sign it.
Where is my liquid chocolate?
- Did you devour it?
- Maybe you devoured it.
Not me...you...
Chef, i kinda checked everywhere.
She is nowhere to be found.
What means"kinda"?
Look for her.
Nastya, is there any news?
Chef, Alisa is not here, I checked everywhere.
Sorry.
Chef, she is not in the toilet.
Chef, I checked outside cameras,
she didn’t leave the building.
I don't need your outside cameras,
you should have checked internal,
where can she hide.
But I was ordered to switch off internal cameras.
- What idiot ordered it?
- It was you, Chef.
Well... it can not be any worse.
But no, it can be.
Yes, Tanya.
Everything is alright.
Alisa is fine.
Go ahead, come now.
This is the end.
Chef, don't worry that much.
As they got used to say in the navy...
We will turn upside down the whole cabin,
but find this little shit.
They used to say about mice like this.
Well...get out!
Talking about mice...
A mouse.
Quiet everyone. Complete silence. Keep quiet.
Switch off all equipment!
Shut up everyone!
Don't breathe!
I need dead silence.
Cripple!
Here you are.
What is it?
It's chocolate. She is not allowed chocolate.
- You are a cripple!
- I didn’t give her. I can’t…
I'm a cripple, I can't...
I can't... It's not me! No! But...
What is it on her face?
What, what? Its an allergy.
You've been told 100 times,
I’m not allowed chocolate.
Why weren't you watching me?
Chef, you wife is there, she is calling you.
Alisa, What do you think...
you mom will kill me before this spots will be gone?
You don't know. Lyova, I need a pen and paper
to write down my last will.
- Wow, such a cool cake!
- Do you like it?
- I made it.
- For aunt Vika?
- Why for aunt Vika?
- Dad has always cooked for my mom.
So it means dad loves your mom.
Exactly, and aunt Vika said that she loves you.
Men have such weak characters after all!
I think we can serve cake in 5 minutes.
What is this?
Disaster!
Calm down.
I will fix everything.
Where is Alisa?
We decided with her that
she will stay with me one more day.
You don't mind, right?
If she wants... Well, let's go I will say bye to her.
But why? I'll say to her for you,
she is in the kitchen having fun.
By the way, she asked me to say bye to you.
- Well! Where is Alisa? What happened to her?
- Everything is alright, she is playing in the kitchen.
You still haven't learnt to lie.
Louis, that's too much.
Listen, I just turned away for a second and...
Hi, mom!
Alisa, wait, I didn't finish to paint your nose.
You won't be scolding us for this, right?
Hello, my dear.
Well, ok... if she wants to stay, she can,
but remember, under no circumstances she is allowed...
...whiskey. I remember.
Good.
And for this tiny cake we paid 100 thousands?
This is their famous pastry chef from France.
Of course, its outrageous.
How do they know about us?
I don't know.
I suggest to pay them and don't focus on this.
Agreed.
And we have to live apart for a certain time.
Agreed.
Cheers, for anniversary of our bank. Hurrah!
Hurrah! Hurrah!
- How is banquet going on?
- Everything is fine.
What happened with cake?
Nothing.
Guests are happy.
Thanks God!
Its remarkable, how many discoveries we do every day.
You might think that a person
is just waiting for an opportunity to destroy you
and they save you.
You might think you handle the whole team,
and in reality you can't handle a small kid.
You might think
he is always so indifferent to everything
but then you understand that you hardly know him.
Listen, Louis, dont get offended with me.
I was wrong.
Your job is really complicated.
Oh, no...nonsense... its just "some desserts"
There are so many discoveries ahead...
And its great.