Kukhnya (2012–2016): Season 1, Episode 7 - Episode #1.7 - full transcript

Chef burns the mouth by mistake by drinking vinegar. Occurs most terrible thing for a chef - the loss of sensitivity of taste receptors , albeit at a time. And here, as specifically , the restaurant owner Dmitry order cook makes a special sauce for an important guest who except it can do no other. Viktor turns for help to his cooks , since unable to taste , and exposes them in a lie . Max wants to live in the spare room in the apartment rented by Kostya . But Nastya also claims to cohabitation with Bones .

It has been 2 weeks already since I left Voronezh.

I work in the best restaurant of Moscow

"Claude Monet"

But the most important is...

I live in the center of Moscow

and dont pay even a penny for it.

Kostyan! Why did you come so early?

- Its not early.
- Why haven't you changed?

My key is here.

Then go to change.

Wait! Why are you calling the tune here?



- What are YOU doing here?
- Im living here.

- What do you mean?
- Just what I said.

Claude Monet
Head Chef

Why didnt you tell me from the beginning?

You can move to my place, I have 2 rooms.

We'll split the rent.

Thanks, Kostyan...but I dont feel comfortable doing this.

There is something going on between you and Nastya.

She probably comes often to your place.

And Im still not ready for threesome.

She doesn't come over.

We are not dating...

We...were lying to everyone...

Man, you got it!



Ok, you convinced me,

I'll stay at your's if you insist so much.

Have you lost your mind completely already?

Are you stealing vinegar?

What? Maybe its about to expire.

and maybe my kids are starving at home.

Of course, they are asking for vinegar.

Listen...

Listen here, cripples.

Im going to the market,

when Im back, then...

Dear, get the apples. Look how good they are.

80 rubles per kilo.

Ok, get it for 70 rubles.

Man, are you mocking me?

Ok, take it for 50!

- 3 kilos.
- Ok.

Good morning, Viktor Petrovich.

Im not sure about it, Elena Pavlovna.

What are you doing here?

- Aha, tomatoes.
- Yes.

So you've finally decided to cook Borsch (rus. soup) for your husband.

Wrong guess.

We are opening our restaurant soon, so Im preparing a new menu.

What's the sense?

No one will come to your restaurant anyway.

You know what... we will see.

Thanks.

Lady, please try the apples.

- Which one did you take? These?
- Yes.

They are beautiful.

Oh, my God, its so sour!

Try it, these are very good apples.

So?

Come and choose yourself.

Is it spicy?

Burning spicy.

Be careful!

Something is wrong.

Nastya, what happened?

I had a fight with my landlord.

And what is this?

These are carps.

Someone will buy them in the grocery and kill, and here they can mate soon.

What have you done?

I cant live in the apartment of murderer.

Its a matter of principles.

Listen, by the way...

you can live at my place for now.

I mean till you find a new apartment...

we are...anyway...pretend as we are dating.

Thanks, Kostik.

You are a real friend.

Listen, Kostyan, do we have washing machine at home?

Yes, yes.

Max,

listen...

here is the thing...

My..

My landlord...

My landlord forbid anyone to stay over

or to live with me, so...

Sorry...

What a day!

"Lemon" "Mustard" "Garlic"

What's happening?

"Loss of taste"

"Burn"

"A loss from few hours to few days"

“FOR FEW DAYS”
- Excuse me, but Dmitrii Vladimirovich, needs you in the dining-hall.

Is my "Famer's salad" ready?

Aha, this Appendicitis has been decorating it an hour already.

Frickin' florist!

Nastia, do you know anyone who rent out apartment?

Preferebly for long term and for free.

I was also looking for it in the morning

- Good that Kostik helped me out.
- What do you mean?

He offered me to live at his place.

There is nothing wrong with it, we are dating.

- Give it to me.
- Wait.

- So Kostya asked you to live with him, right?
- Yes.

Yea, I have an "amazing" friend.

Though I dont envy you.

Why? What is it?

Nothing, he just snores like a horse.

Oh, its not a problem at all, I have a deep sleep.

You are an ideal couple... everything is perfect....

Sex anytime...

Kostyan will enjoy it!

What do you mean?

And why do you think he invited you?

Its physiology.

But you are dating, so its normal.

Yes...

...but you know, I think I' ll not move to Kostya's place.

To be honest, i dont like snoring.

Ah, I understand.

You know, Im also looking for an apartment.

- If you want, I will ask for you too.
- Yes, please.

Thanks, Max.

Nastia, guests have been waiting for a salad half an hour already.

And I've already warned you, not to mess with my waitresses.

Listen, why dont we go to sauna tomorrow?

We will steam up well there.

Please, Dima, I beg you.

There are no good restaurants in Moscow.

Not even one. We are not like Europe.

Millions of restaurants and not a single one is good.

Thanks God, you will open yours in 2 weeks...

here we go, please.

... and there will be in Moscow a million and one crappy restaurant.

Oh, I will die of laughter now.

Its already a second attempt on my life in your restaurant.

Good evening.

He is here. Our genius Head-Chef.

Our Beauty!

And this is our competitor.

You didnt get to know each other last time.

Its right. Ambulance came faster.

Alright. Let bygones be bygones.

Vitia has a dish...

I promise you... meat...sauce...

You won't find it anywhere else, right?

The recipe of the sauce is just...

He doesn't say anyone what's it made of.

How do you cook it? Tell us.

This sauce doesn't have a recipe,

I cook it to my taste.

Genius. Talent. Artist!

OK, make for us two portions...

I'm afraid that today its not possible.

And why?

For sauce I need Bordeaux of the last year

and we have of this year.

Vitiya, than find Bordeaux of the last year.

Why are you standing here and embarrassing me, ah?

Go and make it, Im telling you.

Vityia!

Hi, Sasha.

I got for you an apple.

Maybe you are hungry.

- What do you need, Pencil?
- Nothing…

just wanted to do something pleasant for you.

Wait.

Listen...

Can Nastya live for a little while with you, ah?

And why? She was planing to move in with Kostya?

You know...I still have feelings for Nastya.

I'm constantly thinking about her.

I dont want my beloved to live with other man.

- Oh, come off it!
- Wait, listen…wait

I will tell you the truth now.

To be honest... the thing is... I...

I love Kostya.

- Max, back off!
- Wait, wait, Im joking.

Honestly. Now I'll be serious.

Kostya asked me.

He can not say "no" to Nastya.

He is not ready for family life, do you understand?

Please.

You should have told me this from the beginning.

- Alright. She can stay with me.
- Thanks.

Max!

Listen... did you find where to stay?

- Yes, yes, I have an option.
- Cool.

So, cripples, all of you come here now.

If Im not a cripple, i shouldn't come?

Im coming.

Everyone is trying the sauce. Quickly.

Lyova.

- How is it?
- Amazing… honestly…

Very delicious...

- Hot?
- Super.

Alright, you can try as well.

Ah? Chicken-butt...

You've never tried something like this in your Voronezh canteen.

Or where did you work before?

How is it?

A. Disgusting
B. I’ve never eaten anything worse
C. Crap.
D. *_(%$#

Amazing sauce, Chef.

I have never tried anything like this.

I sincerely envy the person who will try it.

- Long way to learn, snot!
- Masterpiece.

Exactly! Move... I'll go to decorate it.

What was I supposed to say?

By the way, Nastia, I arranged everything.

You can live with Sasha.

- Seriously?
- Yes.

Thank you, Max. Thanks a lot.

Now you will try a piece of art.

Sorry.

Get it here. Cant wait to try your sauce...

Well...lets try your highly praised sauce.

Oh, my fork fell...

Someone will come soon (superstition).

Its ok. We have more, right? NO?!!

So sad! We will cook a new one!

No, no, no!!!

Thats it. Im leaving. I need to go somewhere else.

Then in the evening.

You have to try it, try it and then you can die.

No... just try it and thats it.

Around 7 pm.

Nice, nice...

Come here.

Where did you take this?

Do you try things that you cook?

I told you, Bordeaux of the wrong year.

Excuse me.

Then go and do it with Bordeaux of the right year.

So in the evening everything should be perfect.

What is it? Move!

So the sauce is delicious, right?

So the sauce is super?

Did you decide to make jokes with me?

All of you will die agonizing death for your lies.

I trusted you,

and you constantly lying and lying to me!!!

Chef, we lied to you just today, honestly!

Lier!

Chef, awesome hairdo!

Nooo, Chef.... you are not drunk at all.

- Really?
- Drive, of course.

How do I look?

Listen cripples,

from today you will tell me the truth

only truth and nothing except truth, clear?

Chef, but how is it our fault?

Didnt you realize yourself that the sauce was bad?

I was testing you.

And you failed this test.

If it happens again... I will fire you.

Everyone back to work!

- Two espressos...
- Just a moment.

Neighbor.

By the way...

Kostya, its better if I live with Sasha.

She doesn't mind.

Why?

Its just Sasha is a girl,

we will feel more comfortable.

And then think yourself...

its more comfortable for you as well,

you can walk around in your underwear.

- If you want so…
-Yes.

- You didnt get offended, right?
- No, no...

- Cool then.
- And here is your coffee.

- Ex-neighbor.
- Yes.

Sasha...Sasha, sorry, can I have you for a second?

What?

Listen...

I've heard Nastya is moving to your place.

Yes, and what?

Can you tell her that....

that your landlord doesn't let anyone else living there.

I just want her to live with me.

Listen, you are driving me nuts...

Firstly you ask not to live with her, now you want her to.

Make up your mind, Kostya.

What? When did I tell you I dont want her to live with me?

Ok, not you...

Max asked for you...

Max?

You are slicing it too small.

Actually you slice into huge pieces.

I wanted to tell you long time ago.

- What?
- You asked to tell you the truth.

I did and what? Slice it bigger....

Yes and by the way, you are too rude.

Yes, yes, yes...

Listen, if humiliate us, we won't work any harder.

Oh, I didn't consider it.

Anything else, gentlemen?

- You are messy.
- What?

You do lots of mess,

your workplace is dirty as Satan.

- And also…
- Shut up everyone and back to work…

Why are you yelling at us? What is our fault?

- Are you not happy with something?
- Yes.

Why are you shouting at us?

Its not our fault that you messed up with the sauce.

You wanted to know the truth... so its your fault!

Stop blaming us!

Who else should I blame?

If its because of you I got burned with vinegar

and now cant taste anything.

Cripples!

Appendicitis, did you lose your mind to tell Chef something like this?

- Go and apologize.
- Go!

Why me?

All of you were talking, all have to apologize.

Max, come here, we need to clarify something.

Guys, I don't have time for you now. I have too many problems here.

Now you will have even more.

What did you tell Nastya about me?

- Nothing really. I was joking!
- Joking?

He said that you... snore.

And that you are a maniac.

Why did you involve me in this story? Am I a hotel?

And even gave me an apple, idiot!

Prick!

Oh, please go...

Firstly you promised and then ditched me...

And that's what you call friends?

What are you laughing about?

Dmitrii Vladimirovich is here. Where is Chef?

In the toilet. Will you go to check?

You will go.

And tell him, that Dmitrii Vladimirovich hopes,

that what happened during lunch, would not happen again.

Got it?

Chef, dont worry. Everything will be alright.

Nothing will be alright. I cant make the sauce.

Im in deep shit.

Stop it. We will help you.

Yes, Chef, we are with you.

- Guide us.
- Oui, Chef.

I've cooked bullion already.

I did frying.

The tomatoes are clean.

We will try everything ourselves. It will work.

Of course.

How is it?

- Truth?
- I will…

Its very tasty. It can be served.

Don't smile like that, Chef.

When you do, you look like crazy man.

Shut up!

By the way from now on, the truth is cancelled.

And one more thing....

Thanks.

I've heard you have some problems with accommodation.

- If you want, stay with me few weeks.
- Seriously?

Of course, no problems, dude.

Here is the address.

I'm going to meet a friend but by 10pm I will be home. So move in.

Thanks.

Should I buy something?

Well... Buy a bouquet of flowers. I live with my grandma.

Ok. I won't tell anyone.

Thanks.

You know what???!!!

Amazing.

Vitya, Vitya!

I would fire you...

but you cook like God.

Idiot!

And... this is my apartment.

Not mine, but rented apartment.

Sofa.

Chair.

Pillow.

- Kostya, I can see.
- Come in. Come in.

Sit down.

What is that?

This is...

Are you a killer?

You killed a tiny innocent mouse!

- Well…
- And you are sitting and laughing…

You are even worse then my landlord. You...

You are a monster!

- Hi. And where is Fedia?

I dont know. Maybe at home.

You... how did you get my address?

Yours? Wait...

No, please no.

It won't work out between us.

My heart is already taken.

But don't worry, you will find someone.

Everything will be ol-la-la.

See you tomorrow.

Salut!

Bye.

- Yes?
- Max…you…forgive me…

I overreacted today.

So If you want, come to my place...

I realized something very important.

No matter what happens with you during the day

The most important is to have a place to come back in the evening.

To be back where they are happy to see you.

Because there is nothing worse then loneliness.