Kukhnya (2012–2016): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript
Max tries to prove Coast, between him and Nastya nothing. She is sure but in reverse! Fyodor causes Max to "fish" a duel, and the chefs make bets on the winner. Chef going to break a big jackpot in "kitchen" sweepstakes.
There are some days when everything goes wrong.
Absolutely everything.
Hi, Kostian.
Go to hell.
On such days, the most important is not to give up.
- Kostian, what happened?
- Back off or I will break your nose.
- Why?
- The fact that you were kissing my girlfriend is not a good reason?
Don't worry, now you have me.
Max!
Kostian, it was just misunderstanding.
I was dead sleepy the whole day yesterday.
By the way, technically... she is not your girlfriend yet.
Its a total screw-up.
And for the record there is noting between us.
- So is it for real so serious between you two?
- Yes.
We even kissed yesterday.
It was so ... romantic!
Dont worry, now you have me.
Can you imagine how beautiful our babies will be?
Kostian, I bet my tooth on it, there is nothing between us.
So what was it then?
Dont worry, now you have me.
- Sorry.
- Its alright.
So...
So? thats it?
Kostian...
Hi, Nastia.
If you dont believe me, ask her.
How are you, my love?
- Nastia, wait...
- I don’t have time now, but we will talk later, ok?
Kisses, my sweetheart.
This is a complete nonsense.
Kostian?
Kostian, wait... I will prove you...wait!
Bunch of oddies, lets start the meeting.
Yesterday the leader of retards defrosted 5 kg of codfish.
It means that we have to sell it all today.
Is it clear for everyone?
Sasha!
- Come in, please!
- Yes, Chef!
Tell your staff that today we sell codfish.
Every dish with codfish has 20% discount.
- Ok, got it.
- Go.
And we continue our meeting.
Go ahead, come in.
Oh, Maksim, its so romantic!
With all thesevegetables around, like in the garden
- Nastia, please listen to me…
- oh, wait!
What are you doing?
Don't we have a date?
No, Nastia, we dont have a date.
You got me wrong yesterday.
We are not dating.
Im not your boyfriend and you are not my girlfriend.
Are you breaking up with me?
No, im not breaking up with you.
- What silly jokes, my cutie pie!
- These are not jokes, Nastia.
Im not breaking up with you,
because we have never dated.
There was nothing between us.
What do you mean "nothing"?
And our kiss?
And our kids?
What kids?
Beautiful kids…
- Ok, listen… if it makes more sense to you, yes, Im breaking up with you!
Is that it? any other complaints?
Thats it!
Im off to work.
The meeting is over. Everyone, back to work.
Come on. Go.
Good morning, Chef.
Oh! Chicken-butt! Consistency is your nature.
You are making me mad consistently!
And why were you late again?
Well I...Ainura didn't give me uniform.
What???
Not you, the other Ainura...
He was talking to Kostia in the storage room.
Its seems I can understand Kyrgyz as well.
He was with Kostia...in the storage room...very intimate.
Louis, welcome this guy to your club.
You joke even worse than cook.
- I didn’t get you.
- It’s a regular condition for your brain.
Senia, did I hear it right, he just said that I cook bad?
No, you didn't hear it.
May be you want to say that you cook better.
For sure not worse then you.
Want to bet?
Lets bet.
"Fedia"
"Max loser!"
So now, bet and sign up...
Now Fedia and Appendicitis will cook one dish each.
and Chef will try it and decide who wins.
Lets choose the main ingredient for the dish.
You're done.
I have cooked all kinds of fish
that you can only find in the ocean.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Im greatful.
Thanks, thanks.
Can you borrow me 500 rubels?
- Of course.
- For my bet.
Thanks.
“Fedia's jar: 7500 rubles VS Mak's jar: 000 rubles”
If chicken-butt wins, prize will be 7500 rubles
I gave it a thought and decided I will bet as well.
And the judge will be someone from the dining-hall.
Chef, I will not let you down, I mean...
I will do everything for you...me..us... to win.
Chef...
you aren't going to help him, right?
As if I have nothing else to do.
And a sMAll croissant ...
“MAX”
Beef with WhITe mUshROoms and thyME
"BROKE UP...
and We wIll drink Bordeaux
CHaTeau Citron
"MAX BROKE UP WITH..."
Do you want anything for dessert? Maybe tiramisu?
No, we will have clafOUtis
"MAX BROKE UP WITH YOU"
- Nastya, what happened?
- Nothing.
Nastya, what happened?
Max, broke up with me.
What a jerk!
He played with me and then left me.
You know how it hurts, dont you?
I can imagine.
Ok, go have a rest, calm down,
pull yourself together and come back to work.
I dont need your Mexican soap operas here. Go.
Shit!
Yes?
Yes, right away.
Lavrov, its for you. Your mom.
" Who? My mom?"
"How did she get this number?"
Yes? Mom?
Yes, Im your mom, you mom!
You will cook trout with vegetable julienne.
Firstly, clean the fish, remove a backbone,
and put the fillet in the fridge.
I got it, mommy.
- What?
- I’ll call you a bit later, I dont have time now.
Kisses, bye.
- Mama, from Voronezh?
- Well, yes.
- Start cooking julienne. Your Mom.
- Ok.
Fry vegetables for 3 minutes, add some salt and cream at the end.
Add some smoked fish,
mushrooms and cheese to the sauce.
Senya, when did you check your kidneys last time?
Come one. You just kissed once.
Nothing serious.
Don't you get so upset!
Do you know how many more men will break up with you?
Will you be killing yourself for each one of them?
Someone will break up with me again?
Listen, chicken-butt, go to the bar and get a cognac.
For idiots, like you, I wrote down the name.
Stuff fish with julienne and lemon
and put it in the oven for 15 minutes.
Go to the bar to distract them.
You just have to revenge and you will feel better, alright?
Exactly...
I"ll commit suicide...
And in my death note I will write that it was because of him.
- Then I will see how he…
- You will not see anything.
- Huh?
- It’s a very poor punishment.
Do you understand?
Sleep with his friend.
To sleep?
- With Kostia?
- Yes, with Kostia.
That way he will feel even worse.
Do you mean to have...sex? ...or to sleep?
I mean to have sex,
and believe me, Its the best option. Come on.
Alright.
Max!
Come here.
First of all, hello...
Here we go.
Listen to me carefully, I will say it only once.
If you ever touch one of my waitresses again...
I will stick this eggplant up... you know yourself where...
- Vika, what's wrong with you?
- Everything is fine with me,
but Nastia is weeping the whole day.
Listen, I have never had anything with her.
What a retard, forgot to put salt.
First of all, I saw everything.
And second, I dont care what and with who you had.
I warned you.
- Senia,
- Huh?
you have nothing to do?
Great job.
Well, Nastia...you put me in lots of trouble...
And now I just have to add some salt.
And add some cream.
- Kostia…Hi.
- Hello.
- Are you busy?
- No…yes…Me? No, Im not.
Then...
lets go and...
Wait...
You want me and you...
And you don't want?
Yes, yes, no, of course...I mean...
I want.
Welll....Ladies and gentlemen!
We are ready to make a decision.
Just in case.
Here, Viktoria Sergeevna, two dishes....
try and tell which one of two cooks did a better job.
Salt level.
Salt level.
Thats it. Im screwed.
I liked....
I liked...
This one.
And this fish I would never recommend to anyone!
Yes! Congratulations, chiicken-butt!
You won! Senia, get here my money!
Why? why? but, isnt it....
Thank you, Viktoria Sergeevna, thank you.
You may crawl back to your terarium.
Well, well...
Damn it!!! How delicious!!!
Chef let me try so I see what is so genius about this fish.
Hold on! I didn't enjoy the taste of it myself.
I think you have to try, our triumphator!
This is a masterpiece!
- Yea?
- Yea! very delicious…
- Delicious, right? Come on, eat, eat.
I think that you deserve to eat it all by yourself
as a winner.
Come on, eat, eat... put it all in your mouth, look, its so delicious.
Here's some more, my baby boy...
Thats it.
Seems like here... no one... will disturb us.
Well, yea..
Kostya... Kostya...
Kostya, wait!
I can't like this.
Kostya...
I'm sorry, I wanted to use you to get back at Maxim.
You know, I think he deserves...and I...
don't mind to teach him a lesson.
Kostya, Kostya, no, no...
I cant accept such a sacrifice from you.
Lets just tell everyone, that we did it!
- And in realty there we will not do it?
- No.
Well...ok.
Kostya, you are so cool.
I have to go, my order is probably ready.
Sasha, thats it.. im done...
I revenged .
- Really?! Right here in the restaurant?!
- yea, why not?
Seriously? and how is Kostya?
- Well... he is good…
- Good?
Just good?
Ok, I got it. Nothing special.
What do you mean nothing special?
He is really really good.
I would say amazing and...
Honestly? and where?
Where? Everywhere...
- Firstly in the toilet, then in the back room...
- In the back room…
...In the vegetable storage
We also wanted in the changing room,
but there were lots of people and...
I didn't know that he is such a sex machine.
Fedka, why are you so upset?
Ah, right, I kicked your ass today.
Just dont resign, Fedia.
There's always a job for you in the kitchen.
You will peel potatoes.
Attention, everyone!
Today chicken-but have grown in my eyes.
Now its a Chicken-butt with a capital letter.
In short, he will cook all fish orders today.
- Back to work.
- Yes, Chef.
Chef, what are you doing?
Leva, tell all the waiters
that out of every trout order they will get 10% tips.
Let this, rookie, work a bit.
And what should I do?
I've never thought I would say this, but... dont do anything.
Sit and wait.
Today everyone compliment our "Trout Amandine"
I highly recommend you "Trout à la Florentine"
I suggest you to try "Buabez with trout"
Two "Trout à la Florentine" for Adams family, table 4
- Maksim, two "Trout à la Florentine".
- Yes, Chef.
"Trout Amandine" and "Trout Bourgois"
Maksim, "Trout Amandine" and "Bourgois"
I'm already cooking two dishes.
I dont know...but Fedia used to keep up.
- Two "Buabez" soup.
- Maksim, Buabez two times.
Max.
Maxim, we need to talk.
I want you to know, that I've already forgotten you.
and by the way...
I had sex with Kostia
You had sex with Kostia?
I understand, I hurt you.
But you hurt me also when you broke up with me.
So I'm sorry and goodbye.
Kostian, good job!
Where is my trout?
Chicken-butt, is it ready soon?
- Chef, I can't keep up, I need help.
- Help?
Then go and ask for it.
Kostya, can you get me two "Chabli", please.
So, did you tell Max?
Yes, I did.
And how did he react?
He started crying.
I even felt sorry for him.
How will you be friends with him?
Just dont worry.
I will handle it.
He is a man, he has to understand.
Kostya,
just dont tell anyone, that we made it up, ok?
Of course.
Listen...
maybe we have to pretend that we are going out.
Just to make it look more real.
We can go to the movies, for example.
Ah, lets do it. Then no one will ever doubt.
Listen...
Listen, Fedia, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have behaved like this.
Can you help me out with orders?
- What?
- I apologize and ask you to help me with the orders.
Colleagues, can you keep it down, please?
This guy wants to tell me something really important and you are too noisy.
Fedia, I'm sorry.
You are an amazing cook, and I am not.
Help me out with the orders, please.
Got it.
But I don't believe it.
It lacks sincerity.
Lets try again.
Go to hell!
Ok, appendicitis, give some space.
You have to relax.
Breath in.
Breath out.
And remember hassle is not in the kitchen,
its in your head.
Good job. Dont rush.
Yes, there are some days when everything goes wrong,
But the good thing is, that these day always come to an end.
For some this day brought something new.
For others nothing changes.
Hello.
Five...seven...seven thousand I bet on "Spartak".
Some are happy about this day.
And Im happy that its over.
Absolutely everything.
Hi, Kostian.
Go to hell.
On such days, the most important is not to give up.
- Kostian, what happened?
- Back off or I will break your nose.
- Why?
- The fact that you were kissing my girlfriend is not a good reason?
Don't worry, now you have me.
Max!
Kostian, it was just misunderstanding.
I was dead sleepy the whole day yesterday.
By the way, technically... she is not your girlfriend yet.
Its a total screw-up.
And for the record there is noting between us.
- So is it for real so serious between you two?
- Yes.
We even kissed yesterday.
It was so ... romantic!
Dont worry, now you have me.
Can you imagine how beautiful our babies will be?
Kostian, I bet my tooth on it, there is nothing between us.
So what was it then?
Dont worry, now you have me.
- Sorry.
- Its alright.
So...
So? thats it?
Kostian...
Hi, Nastia.
If you dont believe me, ask her.
How are you, my love?
- Nastia, wait...
- I don’t have time now, but we will talk later, ok?
Kisses, my sweetheart.
This is a complete nonsense.
Kostian?
Kostian, wait... I will prove you...wait!
Bunch of oddies, lets start the meeting.
Yesterday the leader of retards defrosted 5 kg of codfish.
It means that we have to sell it all today.
Is it clear for everyone?
Sasha!
- Come in, please!
- Yes, Chef!
Tell your staff that today we sell codfish.
Every dish with codfish has 20% discount.
- Ok, got it.
- Go.
And we continue our meeting.
Go ahead, come in.
Oh, Maksim, its so romantic!
With all thesevegetables around, like in the garden
- Nastia, please listen to me…
- oh, wait!
What are you doing?
Don't we have a date?
No, Nastia, we dont have a date.
You got me wrong yesterday.
We are not dating.
Im not your boyfriend and you are not my girlfriend.
Are you breaking up with me?
No, im not breaking up with you.
- What silly jokes, my cutie pie!
- These are not jokes, Nastia.
Im not breaking up with you,
because we have never dated.
There was nothing between us.
What do you mean "nothing"?
And our kiss?
And our kids?
What kids?
Beautiful kids…
- Ok, listen… if it makes more sense to you, yes, Im breaking up with you!
Is that it? any other complaints?
Thats it!
Im off to work.
The meeting is over. Everyone, back to work.
Come on. Go.
Good morning, Chef.
Oh! Chicken-butt! Consistency is your nature.
You are making me mad consistently!
And why were you late again?
Well I...Ainura didn't give me uniform.
What???
Not you, the other Ainura...
He was talking to Kostia in the storage room.
Its seems I can understand Kyrgyz as well.
He was with Kostia...in the storage room...very intimate.
Louis, welcome this guy to your club.
You joke even worse than cook.
- I didn’t get you.
- It’s a regular condition for your brain.
Senia, did I hear it right, he just said that I cook bad?
No, you didn't hear it.
May be you want to say that you cook better.
For sure not worse then you.
Want to bet?
Lets bet.
"Fedia"
"Max loser!"
So now, bet and sign up...
Now Fedia and Appendicitis will cook one dish each.
and Chef will try it and decide who wins.
Lets choose the main ingredient for the dish.
You're done.
I have cooked all kinds of fish
that you can only find in the ocean.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Im greatful.
Thanks, thanks.
Can you borrow me 500 rubels?
- Of course.
- For my bet.
Thanks.
“Fedia's jar: 7500 rubles VS Mak's jar: 000 rubles”
If chicken-butt wins, prize will be 7500 rubles
I gave it a thought and decided I will bet as well.
And the judge will be someone from the dining-hall.
Chef, I will not let you down, I mean...
I will do everything for you...me..us... to win.
Chef...
you aren't going to help him, right?
As if I have nothing else to do.
And a sMAll croissant ...
“MAX”
Beef with WhITe mUshROoms and thyME
"BROKE UP...
and We wIll drink Bordeaux
CHaTeau Citron
"MAX BROKE UP WITH..."
Do you want anything for dessert? Maybe tiramisu?
No, we will have clafOUtis
"MAX BROKE UP WITH YOU"
- Nastya, what happened?
- Nothing.
Nastya, what happened?
Max, broke up with me.
What a jerk!
He played with me and then left me.
You know how it hurts, dont you?
I can imagine.
Ok, go have a rest, calm down,
pull yourself together and come back to work.
I dont need your Mexican soap operas here. Go.
Shit!
Yes?
Yes, right away.
Lavrov, its for you. Your mom.
" Who? My mom?"
"How did she get this number?"
Yes? Mom?
Yes, Im your mom, you mom!
You will cook trout with vegetable julienne.
Firstly, clean the fish, remove a backbone,
and put the fillet in the fridge.
I got it, mommy.
- What?
- I’ll call you a bit later, I dont have time now.
Kisses, bye.
- Mama, from Voronezh?
- Well, yes.
- Start cooking julienne. Your Mom.
- Ok.
Fry vegetables for 3 minutes, add some salt and cream at the end.
Add some smoked fish,
mushrooms and cheese to the sauce.
Senya, when did you check your kidneys last time?
Come one. You just kissed once.
Nothing serious.
Don't you get so upset!
Do you know how many more men will break up with you?
Will you be killing yourself for each one of them?
Someone will break up with me again?
Listen, chicken-butt, go to the bar and get a cognac.
For idiots, like you, I wrote down the name.
Stuff fish with julienne and lemon
and put it in the oven for 15 minutes.
Go to the bar to distract them.
You just have to revenge and you will feel better, alright?
Exactly...
I"ll commit suicide...
And in my death note I will write that it was because of him.
- Then I will see how he…
- You will not see anything.
- Huh?
- It’s a very poor punishment.
Do you understand?
Sleep with his friend.
To sleep?
- With Kostia?
- Yes, with Kostia.
That way he will feel even worse.
Do you mean to have...sex? ...or to sleep?
I mean to have sex,
and believe me, Its the best option. Come on.
Alright.
Max!
Come here.
First of all, hello...
Here we go.
Listen to me carefully, I will say it only once.
If you ever touch one of my waitresses again...
I will stick this eggplant up... you know yourself where...
- Vika, what's wrong with you?
- Everything is fine with me,
but Nastia is weeping the whole day.
Listen, I have never had anything with her.
What a retard, forgot to put salt.
First of all, I saw everything.
And second, I dont care what and with who you had.
I warned you.
- Senia,
- Huh?
you have nothing to do?
Great job.
Well, Nastia...you put me in lots of trouble...
And now I just have to add some salt.
And add some cream.
- Kostia…Hi.
- Hello.
- Are you busy?
- No…yes…Me? No, Im not.
Then...
lets go and...
Wait...
You want me and you...
And you don't want?
Yes, yes, no, of course...I mean...
I want.
Welll....Ladies and gentlemen!
We are ready to make a decision.
Just in case.
Here, Viktoria Sergeevna, two dishes....
try and tell which one of two cooks did a better job.
Salt level.
Salt level.
Thats it. Im screwed.
I liked....
I liked...
This one.
And this fish I would never recommend to anyone!
Yes! Congratulations, chiicken-butt!
You won! Senia, get here my money!
Why? why? but, isnt it....
Thank you, Viktoria Sergeevna, thank you.
You may crawl back to your terarium.
Well, well...
Damn it!!! How delicious!!!
Chef let me try so I see what is so genius about this fish.
Hold on! I didn't enjoy the taste of it myself.
I think you have to try, our triumphator!
This is a masterpiece!
- Yea?
- Yea! very delicious…
- Delicious, right? Come on, eat, eat.
I think that you deserve to eat it all by yourself
as a winner.
Come on, eat, eat... put it all in your mouth, look, its so delicious.
Here's some more, my baby boy...
Thats it.
Seems like here... no one... will disturb us.
Well, yea..
Kostya... Kostya...
Kostya, wait!
I can't like this.
Kostya...
I'm sorry, I wanted to use you to get back at Maxim.
You know, I think he deserves...and I...
don't mind to teach him a lesson.
Kostya, Kostya, no, no...
I cant accept such a sacrifice from you.
Lets just tell everyone, that we did it!
- And in realty there we will not do it?
- No.
Well...ok.
Kostya, you are so cool.
I have to go, my order is probably ready.
Sasha, thats it.. im done...
I revenged .
- Really?! Right here in the restaurant?!
- yea, why not?
Seriously? and how is Kostya?
- Well... he is good…
- Good?
Just good?
Ok, I got it. Nothing special.
What do you mean nothing special?
He is really really good.
I would say amazing and...
Honestly? and where?
Where? Everywhere...
- Firstly in the toilet, then in the back room...
- In the back room…
...In the vegetable storage
We also wanted in the changing room,
but there were lots of people and...
I didn't know that he is such a sex machine.
Fedka, why are you so upset?
Ah, right, I kicked your ass today.
Just dont resign, Fedia.
There's always a job for you in the kitchen.
You will peel potatoes.
Attention, everyone!
Today chicken-but have grown in my eyes.
Now its a Chicken-butt with a capital letter.
In short, he will cook all fish orders today.
- Back to work.
- Yes, Chef.
Chef, what are you doing?
Leva, tell all the waiters
that out of every trout order they will get 10% tips.
Let this, rookie, work a bit.
And what should I do?
I've never thought I would say this, but... dont do anything.
Sit and wait.
Today everyone compliment our "Trout Amandine"
I highly recommend you "Trout à la Florentine"
I suggest you to try "Buabez with trout"
Two "Trout à la Florentine" for Adams family, table 4
- Maksim, two "Trout à la Florentine".
- Yes, Chef.
"Trout Amandine" and "Trout Bourgois"
Maksim, "Trout Amandine" and "Bourgois"
I'm already cooking two dishes.
I dont know...but Fedia used to keep up.
- Two "Buabez" soup.
- Maksim, Buabez two times.
Max.
Maxim, we need to talk.
I want you to know, that I've already forgotten you.
and by the way...
I had sex with Kostia
You had sex with Kostia?
I understand, I hurt you.
But you hurt me also when you broke up with me.
So I'm sorry and goodbye.
Kostian, good job!
Where is my trout?
Chicken-butt, is it ready soon?
- Chef, I can't keep up, I need help.
- Help?
Then go and ask for it.
Kostya, can you get me two "Chabli", please.
So, did you tell Max?
Yes, I did.
And how did he react?
He started crying.
I even felt sorry for him.
How will you be friends with him?
Just dont worry.
I will handle it.
He is a man, he has to understand.
Kostya,
just dont tell anyone, that we made it up, ok?
Of course.
Listen...
maybe we have to pretend that we are going out.
Just to make it look more real.
We can go to the movies, for example.
Ah, lets do it. Then no one will ever doubt.
Listen...
Listen, Fedia, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have behaved like this.
Can you help me out with orders?
- What?
- I apologize and ask you to help me with the orders.
Colleagues, can you keep it down, please?
This guy wants to tell me something really important and you are too noisy.
Fedia, I'm sorry.
You are an amazing cook, and I am not.
Help me out with the orders, please.
Got it.
But I don't believe it.
It lacks sincerity.
Lets try again.
Go to hell!
Ok, appendicitis, give some space.
You have to relax.
Breath in.
Breath out.
And remember hassle is not in the kitchen,
its in your head.
Good job. Dont rush.
Yes, there are some days when everything goes wrong,
But the good thing is, that these day always come to an end.
For some this day brought something new.
For others nothing changes.
Hello.
Five...seven...seven thousand I bet on "Spartak".
Some are happy about this day.
And Im happy that its over.