Kukhnya (2012–2016): Season 1, Episode 4 - Episode #1.4 - full transcript
Max give an important task - to cook dinner for the entire kitchen staff. Chef learns that someone from the restaurant wants to get a job to competitors, and attempts to calculate "traitor." Costa waitress bartender like Anastasia. Max decides to help a friend to establish privacy.
2 days ago
I have read your CV.
I think i can hire such a promising worker in my kitchen.
To be honest, I don't understand why they don't appreciate such a talent in "Monet".
These are my contact numbers, just in case...
Otherwise I will call you in a few days
and we will discuss everything in details.
"Professional cooks required in our restaurant"
Good morning, Viktor Petrovich.
Good morning,
I see you use an ad to recruit your staff,
You'd better post it in the metro,
more professional cooks pass by there.
You know, actually there is no need to do this.
A few excellent cooks have come to me already.
And some of them work in very reputable restaurants
Since when kebab shops are considered as a reputable restaurants?
Well... if you consider your restaurant as a kebab shop...then...
Please, dont make me laugh!
I will eat my own hat
If I find out that one of my cooks came to you.
Aha...then, bon appetite
One more thing.
If, by any chance, you are looking for a job
you are mostly welcome.
Thank you.
I will definitely consider your generous offer.
Amazing.
I said medium-rare, idiot!
Do it again!
Hurry up, girls! Move it!
Is the fricassee ready?
uh...10 minutes, Chef!
Thats too much. You have 3 minutes
What are you doing here?!
- You have nothing to do?!
- No, Im…
Maksim Leonidovich,
I peeled the stickers off bananas
What should i do next?
Whats next?
On your knees...
You are a good boy, Vitka! Vitushenka!
My chicken-butt!
Chicken-butt!
Have you completely lost your mind?
Why are you sleeping here?
Chef, I...I just...
I had a nap for 5 minutes...
I couldn't sleep all night. Probably because of acclimatization...
Max, Im leaving... Are you coming with me?
Go, go, Kostyan...I will stay a bit longer, go ahead!
Thanks.
What the hell are you talking about? Acclimatization?!
Its not a homeless shelter, its your work place!
Chef, but you dont let me cook anyway...
I’m already a whole month ahead in peeling stickers off bananas.
Ok.
If you want to cook, you will cook!
Attention!
Today our chicken-butt will cook lunch for staff.
Its a very high responsibility!
If they dont like it and they stay hungry...
I will let them to eat you.
Got it?
Maximka's meat is a bit tough, but still eatable!
I have been dreaming for so long about the day I start to cook...
Crap, but why exactly today?
So, are you happy?
Chef, I'm very happy.
But firstly I'll take a cup of coffee.
Where are you going? Go and change!
Get back to work!
Sokolova Elena Pavlovna.
Restourant “Arkobalento”
I will eat my own hat
If I find out that one of my cooks came to you.
Then, bon appetite
Ah, ungrateful bastards!
Whose is this?
Why are you silent, retards?
I will kill you!
Traitors! Judas!
Who did this?
Filthy Iscariots!
Confess, ugly freaks!!!
Hate you all!
One more!
Kostyan, look...
what a nest she has on her head.
She is beautiful.
Do you like her?
What? No...
Wow, Kostyan fell in love!
Nastja!
- Just a sec.
- Come here for a minute
Are you crazy? What for?
Kostyan wants to tell you something.
What do you want?
You have nothing to do? Go on, get out of here!
Nastja, we just wanted to tell you that you have a beautiful hairdo.
And you're an idiot.
You are really an idiot, Kostyan.
If you really like her, be bolder.
Alright. Im off to cook.
For you, by the way.
Which one of you could do this to me?
Maybe...
Idiot! Didnt i tell you not to defrost this fish?
Unlikely.
and maybe...
Leva, do you know when you you'll become Chef?!
When partridge start swimming, instead of flying!
Because it smells like fish!
Two meters of failure!!!
Ah, neh...
Who could be upset with me?
Idiots! Failures! Dummies! Garbage!
Parasites!
Only God knows.
No worries, I will cook for them such an amazing soup
they will go nuts about it.
Listen, idiot, you are grating your finger.
Yeah, I have the feeling that it will be one hell of a soup
Come with me.
(Music of russian lullaby)
Here’s on this big stove,
not bothering anyone,
You will cook soup for us.
Here are your mushrooms, cream and carrots
and here some onion, so you can cook.
- Lavrov, did you understand everything?
- Yes.
Well, then get started.
Hi!
Hi...
I just wanted to thank you for yesterday.
Its alright.
- They asked you to cook dinner?
- Well, yes.
Congratulations.
Doctor, look, it has come out of my ass today.
Dont worry, I will test it now.
Mmm...so delicious
I cant wait to congratulate you
You have there a very fertile ground for growing carrots
- Really, doctor?
- Amazing.
- Its very unique.
- I’m very happy.
Are you both complete idiots?
Fedia, go to Chef.
Come in.
Hello
Hands up.
Chef, what is it?
Its a lie-detector, Fedya.
I dont have any other way to catch the snitch.
In the beginning, Im gonna ask simple questions
Answer only “yes” or “no”.
Is that clear?
Understood.
I said “yes” or “no”.
Yes.
Tell me, is today Wednesday?
Yes.
"Truth"
Alright, are you a cook?
Well, what do you think I am?
A doctor?
Answer "yes" or "no". Go on.
Ok...yes
"Truth"
Good. So you name is Fedor?
Yes.
"Lie"
Tell me, Fedor, have you ever broken the law?
What? In what sense?
Well, have you ever... lets say...
kill a man?
A man? No...
"Lie"
Did you go for an interview to the new restaurant next door?
Quickly! Did you go?
No.
"Truth"
You are free to go.
You can go and call Senja.
Listen, his name is not Fedor,
and it seems to me... he killed someone.
It doesn't matter,
the most important, that he didn't go for an interview.
Next one!
Well, come on. Take the initiative.
Girls love confidence.
Moron.
Chef, please…can I not do this?
I’ll tell you everything.
That fish that was left over after the banquet...
I took it...
And that deer meat that I pretended to be spoiled...
I took as well.
And half kilo of caviar?
No.
"Lie"
Yes.
"Truth"
Forgive me, Chef.
Did you go for an interview to the new restaurant next door?
No.
"Truth"
No.
"Truth"
No.
Y-y-y-y...
Yes?
Well...Well ???!!
Say it! Yes or no?!
Yes?
So?!! YES?!
Yes or no?!!
Y-y-y...sensor fell off...
Well...It should be ready
Are you sure its ready?
Lavrov, are you not lying to me?
Lavrov! Lavrov!
Lavrov! Lavrov! Why are you laying here?
What...What's happening here?
So, fix yourself up quickly and go to Chef's office.
Kostya, I need 300 gms of cognac,
two 100gms whiskeys and 3 kettles of Roibos tea.
I'll do it now.
So what are we waiting for?
Its time! Im really getting cold like this!
Nastja...ah...
What?
Whiskey... How much do I pour?
2 whiskeys, 100 grm each
Say so then!
- Nastja…
- What?
Your hairdo today is very cool.
- Really cool! With all this curls...
- Thanks.
you look like..like a sheep.
You are a sheep!
You are the last one who we haven't checked.
Did you go for an interview to the new restaurant next door?
Yes or no?
No.
"Truth"
I didnt understand...so it means...
I wasted so much time for this and we didn't find anyone.
I would get more information with the help of my table knife
- You know what?
- What?!
- I’d ask you..
- Ask!
- Its a hi-tech equipment, by the way!
- Hi-tech?
- Chef, can I go?
- Get lost.
By the way, did you cook lunch?
Yes.
Lie.
I almost cooked it.
Lie.
Are you lying to me?
Chef, what are you talking about?
I've never lied to you.
"Lie"
Here we go. Look!
Chef...
you are like a father to me.
Excuse me.
Eeore, will we eat today or not?
5 minutes.
You've said this 15 times already.
- Enjoy your meal.
- Thanks.
- Kostjan…
- How are you?
Bad... we are loosing me.
Kostjan, hit me.
- What?
- Hit me.
Im not going to hit you.
Please, hit me, I need to wake up.
Are you crazy?! Why so hard?!
You asked me yourself.
Though I feel more awake.
No, still the same.
So, I can see you'll not have a date, right?
I messed up again.
I cant do it so smooth as you do.
Of course, man, it takes years.
Listen, maybe you will talk to her
and explain her everything, instead of me
Ok.
I have just 7 minutes.
Listen, maybe I will hit you one more time.
- No, no, Kostjan.
- So you will feel more awake.
No, no.
Nastja, I need to talk to you.
The thing is, I have a friend...
that likes you a lot.
And?
What?
Your friend that likes me a lot?
Yes, friend that likes you a lot
and he wants to get to know you better
And he'd like to ask you for a date.
And then marry you...
and then ...kids...
cats...
dogs...
I understood.
Guys always talk about their "friends"
when they are shy to talk about themselves, right?
Maksim?
Yes.
I was sure that there is an a cosmic connection between us.
Its so good that you said this.
Nastja?! Main course!
The main course isready, I have to go.
We will talk later, right?
Yes.
- Angry like a halibut in mating period.
- Exactly!
Set up an interrogation, brought a weird device...
What did he want? What was he looking for?
I got so scared, that couldnt understand anything.
He was loooking for those
who went for an interview to the restaurant next door
Come on...
Seriously?
Listen...there was an interview? I'd want to go as well.
Everyone would want to go!
I already have a line from your restaurant.
Did you get your CV for me?
I have a very simple question to you.
A question from Head-Chef to Head-Chef.
Im listening.
Which one of my people came to you?
Elena Pavlovna, they urgently need you there.
- Come, please.
- Yes, yes, of course.
It would be my pleasure to answer, but I cant.
I dont betray my people.
What do you mean "your" people?
This is my guy! Mine!
From the handle of the knife to the tip of the hat.
I'd really love to chitchat more with you...
But I dont have time, I have to go to work.
Will you find an exit yourself?
- Yes.
- Ok, then.
Ah, b...tch!
Will we eat today or not?
You will eat, everything is ready.
Its so delicious, just finger-licking good.
Cream soup that you have never tried in your life.
Not the mess that you get used to eat.
What the hell is this?
- Thanks, but Im dieting today.
- Wait. Its delicious.
Maybe.
What a beautiful soup.
Mmmm....delicious.
Pardon, but its my food coloring.
I was looking for it, I thought I lost it.
Wait! Where are you going? Its really delicious!
Honestly, its good.
And its fun, you feel as if you are eating sea.
" CV"
Lavrov Maksim
Our captain had the same tongue, when he floated up dead.
Can I have one more please?
Animal!
- Chef, chicken-butt stood out again.
- More than you can imagine.
Is this how you thanked me for my kindness?!!!
I gave you a chance to become a human- being and you did this???!!!
Animal!!!
Chef but its still delicious soup.
2 minutes!!!
2 minutes for you to collect your damn stuff and get out!!!
Why are you screaming?
What?
- Chef, but I...I...
- I said, get out!!!
Get out!!!
I don't want to listen to anything.
I will make sure, this animal don't find a job in any restaurant!!!
Neither in cafe, nor in a school canteen, nowhere.
We need to talk.
Arkadiy... Can you tell her to get out?
No? Then I will do.
Maks....
didnt go for an interview.
- Really?
- Yes.
It was me.
These are my contact numbers, just in case...
Otherwise I will call you in a few days
and we will discuss everything in details
Im sure you will like him.
He is very promising cook.
Do you help all your exes to find a job?
No, only special ones.
Vitja, you will not let him grow here anyway.
How many talented cooks left this kitchen?
Ten? twenty?
Vitja, you are unbearable.
You dont consider them as people here,
but retards, idiots and chicken-butts... and freaks.
Listen, you dont care about anyone,
because the only thin that matters for you is your own ego!
I just feel sorry for the guy.
- You will just ruin him.
- Stop moralizing me!
- You are not much better.
- Yes, you are right, Im not.
But at least my people don't go through lie-detector.
Can I say to Maks that he is not fired?
You can.
Only you, Arkadiy, can understand me.
- Where are you going?
- Somewhere.
- I just got fired.
- Yea, right.
Maybe, he was joking?
He likes to joke.
Yea, very funny.
Have you seen Lavrov?
Maybe you can stay.
I will hide you.
Like you hid the goose in the bar?
- Maksim, I dont want you to leave.
- Me too.
But dont worry, now you have me.
Max!!!
I have read your CV.
I think i can hire such a promising worker in my kitchen.
To be honest, I don't understand why they don't appreciate such a talent in "Monet".
These are my contact numbers, just in case...
Otherwise I will call you in a few days
and we will discuss everything in details.
"Professional cooks required in our restaurant"
Good morning, Viktor Petrovich.
Good morning,
I see you use an ad to recruit your staff,
You'd better post it in the metro,
more professional cooks pass by there.
You know, actually there is no need to do this.
A few excellent cooks have come to me already.
And some of them work in very reputable restaurants
Since when kebab shops are considered as a reputable restaurants?
Well... if you consider your restaurant as a kebab shop...then...
Please, dont make me laugh!
I will eat my own hat
If I find out that one of my cooks came to you.
Aha...then, bon appetite
One more thing.
If, by any chance, you are looking for a job
you are mostly welcome.
Thank you.
I will definitely consider your generous offer.
Amazing.
I said medium-rare, idiot!
Do it again!
Hurry up, girls! Move it!
Is the fricassee ready?
uh...10 minutes, Chef!
Thats too much. You have 3 minutes
What are you doing here?!
- You have nothing to do?!
- No, Im…
Maksim Leonidovich,
I peeled the stickers off bananas
What should i do next?
Whats next?
On your knees...
You are a good boy, Vitka! Vitushenka!
My chicken-butt!
Chicken-butt!
Have you completely lost your mind?
Why are you sleeping here?
Chef, I...I just...
I had a nap for 5 minutes...
I couldn't sleep all night. Probably because of acclimatization...
Max, Im leaving... Are you coming with me?
Go, go, Kostyan...I will stay a bit longer, go ahead!
Thanks.
What the hell are you talking about? Acclimatization?!
Its not a homeless shelter, its your work place!
Chef, but you dont let me cook anyway...
I’m already a whole month ahead in peeling stickers off bananas.
Ok.
If you want to cook, you will cook!
Attention!
Today our chicken-butt will cook lunch for staff.
Its a very high responsibility!
If they dont like it and they stay hungry...
I will let them to eat you.
Got it?
Maximka's meat is a bit tough, but still eatable!
I have been dreaming for so long about the day I start to cook...
Crap, but why exactly today?
So, are you happy?
Chef, I'm very happy.
But firstly I'll take a cup of coffee.
Where are you going? Go and change!
Get back to work!
Sokolova Elena Pavlovna.
Restourant “Arkobalento”
I will eat my own hat
If I find out that one of my cooks came to you.
Then, bon appetite
Ah, ungrateful bastards!
Whose is this?
Why are you silent, retards?
I will kill you!
Traitors! Judas!
Who did this?
Filthy Iscariots!
Confess, ugly freaks!!!
Hate you all!
One more!
Kostyan, look...
what a nest she has on her head.
She is beautiful.
Do you like her?
What? No...
Wow, Kostyan fell in love!
Nastja!
- Just a sec.
- Come here for a minute
Are you crazy? What for?
Kostyan wants to tell you something.
What do you want?
You have nothing to do? Go on, get out of here!
Nastja, we just wanted to tell you that you have a beautiful hairdo.
And you're an idiot.
You are really an idiot, Kostyan.
If you really like her, be bolder.
Alright. Im off to cook.
For you, by the way.
Which one of you could do this to me?
Maybe...
Idiot! Didnt i tell you not to defrost this fish?
Unlikely.
and maybe...
Leva, do you know when you you'll become Chef?!
When partridge start swimming, instead of flying!
Because it smells like fish!
Two meters of failure!!!
Ah, neh...
Who could be upset with me?
Idiots! Failures! Dummies! Garbage!
Parasites!
Only God knows.
No worries, I will cook for them such an amazing soup
they will go nuts about it.
Listen, idiot, you are grating your finger.
Yeah, I have the feeling that it will be one hell of a soup
Come with me.
(Music of russian lullaby)
Here’s on this big stove,
not bothering anyone,
You will cook soup for us.
Here are your mushrooms, cream and carrots
and here some onion, so you can cook.
- Lavrov, did you understand everything?
- Yes.
Well, then get started.
Hi!
Hi...
I just wanted to thank you for yesterday.
Its alright.
- They asked you to cook dinner?
- Well, yes.
Congratulations.
Doctor, look, it has come out of my ass today.
Dont worry, I will test it now.
Mmm...so delicious
I cant wait to congratulate you
You have there a very fertile ground for growing carrots
- Really, doctor?
- Amazing.
- Its very unique.
- I’m very happy.
Are you both complete idiots?
Fedia, go to Chef.
Come in.
Hello
Hands up.
Chef, what is it?
Its a lie-detector, Fedya.
I dont have any other way to catch the snitch.
In the beginning, Im gonna ask simple questions
Answer only “yes” or “no”.
Is that clear?
Understood.
I said “yes” or “no”.
Yes.
Tell me, is today Wednesday?
Yes.
"Truth"
Alright, are you a cook?
Well, what do you think I am?
A doctor?
Answer "yes" or "no". Go on.
Ok...yes
"Truth"
Good. So you name is Fedor?
Yes.
"Lie"
Tell me, Fedor, have you ever broken the law?
What? In what sense?
Well, have you ever... lets say...
kill a man?
A man? No...
"Lie"
Did you go for an interview to the new restaurant next door?
Quickly! Did you go?
No.
"Truth"
You are free to go.
You can go and call Senja.
Listen, his name is not Fedor,
and it seems to me... he killed someone.
It doesn't matter,
the most important, that he didn't go for an interview.
Next one!
Well, come on. Take the initiative.
Girls love confidence.
Moron.
Chef, please…can I not do this?
I’ll tell you everything.
That fish that was left over after the banquet...
I took it...
And that deer meat that I pretended to be spoiled...
I took as well.
And half kilo of caviar?
No.
"Lie"
Yes.
"Truth"
Forgive me, Chef.
Did you go for an interview to the new restaurant next door?
No.
"Truth"
No.
"Truth"
No.
Y-y-y-y...
Yes?
Well...Well ???!!
Say it! Yes or no?!
Yes?
So?!! YES?!
Yes or no?!!
Y-y-y...sensor fell off...
Well...It should be ready
Are you sure its ready?
Lavrov, are you not lying to me?
Lavrov! Lavrov!
Lavrov! Lavrov! Why are you laying here?
What...What's happening here?
So, fix yourself up quickly and go to Chef's office.
Kostya, I need 300 gms of cognac,
two 100gms whiskeys and 3 kettles of Roibos tea.
I'll do it now.
So what are we waiting for?
Its time! Im really getting cold like this!
Nastja...ah...
What?
Whiskey... How much do I pour?
2 whiskeys, 100 grm each
Say so then!
- Nastja…
- What?
Your hairdo today is very cool.
- Really cool! With all this curls...
- Thanks.
you look like..like a sheep.
You are a sheep!
You are the last one who we haven't checked.
Did you go for an interview to the new restaurant next door?
Yes or no?
No.
"Truth"
I didnt understand...so it means...
I wasted so much time for this and we didn't find anyone.
I would get more information with the help of my table knife
- You know what?
- What?!
- I’d ask you..
- Ask!
- Its a hi-tech equipment, by the way!
- Hi-tech?
- Chef, can I go?
- Get lost.
By the way, did you cook lunch?
Yes.
Lie.
I almost cooked it.
Lie.
Are you lying to me?
Chef, what are you talking about?
I've never lied to you.
"Lie"
Here we go. Look!
Chef...
you are like a father to me.
Excuse me.
Eeore, will we eat today or not?
5 minutes.
You've said this 15 times already.
- Enjoy your meal.
- Thanks.
- Kostjan…
- How are you?
Bad... we are loosing me.
Kostjan, hit me.
- What?
- Hit me.
Im not going to hit you.
Please, hit me, I need to wake up.
Are you crazy?! Why so hard?!
You asked me yourself.
Though I feel more awake.
No, still the same.
So, I can see you'll not have a date, right?
I messed up again.
I cant do it so smooth as you do.
Of course, man, it takes years.
Listen, maybe you will talk to her
and explain her everything, instead of me
Ok.
I have just 7 minutes.
Listen, maybe I will hit you one more time.
- No, no, Kostjan.
- So you will feel more awake.
No, no.
Nastja, I need to talk to you.
The thing is, I have a friend...
that likes you a lot.
And?
What?
Your friend that likes me a lot?
Yes, friend that likes you a lot
and he wants to get to know you better
And he'd like to ask you for a date.
And then marry you...
and then ...kids...
cats...
dogs...
I understood.
Guys always talk about their "friends"
when they are shy to talk about themselves, right?
Maksim?
Yes.
I was sure that there is an a cosmic connection between us.
Its so good that you said this.
Nastja?! Main course!
The main course isready, I have to go.
We will talk later, right?
Yes.
- Angry like a halibut in mating period.
- Exactly!
Set up an interrogation, brought a weird device...
What did he want? What was he looking for?
I got so scared, that couldnt understand anything.
He was loooking for those
who went for an interview to the restaurant next door
Come on...
Seriously?
Listen...there was an interview? I'd want to go as well.
Everyone would want to go!
I already have a line from your restaurant.
Did you get your CV for me?
I have a very simple question to you.
A question from Head-Chef to Head-Chef.
Im listening.
Which one of my people came to you?
Elena Pavlovna, they urgently need you there.
- Come, please.
- Yes, yes, of course.
It would be my pleasure to answer, but I cant.
I dont betray my people.
What do you mean "your" people?
This is my guy! Mine!
From the handle of the knife to the tip of the hat.
I'd really love to chitchat more with you...
But I dont have time, I have to go to work.
Will you find an exit yourself?
- Yes.
- Ok, then.
Ah, b...tch!
Will we eat today or not?
You will eat, everything is ready.
Its so delicious, just finger-licking good.
Cream soup that you have never tried in your life.
Not the mess that you get used to eat.
What the hell is this?
- Thanks, but Im dieting today.
- Wait. Its delicious.
Maybe.
What a beautiful soup.
Mmmm....delicious.
Pardon, but its my food coloring.
I was looking for it, I thought I lost it.
Wait! Where are you going? Its really delicious!
Honestly, its good.
And its fun, you feel as if you are eating sea.
" CV"
Lavrov Maksim
Our captain had the same tongue, when he floated up dead.
Can I have one more please?
Animal!
- Chef, chicken-butt stood out again.
- More than you can imagine.
Is this how you thanked me for my kindness?!!!
I gave you a chance to become a human- being and you did this???!!!
Animal!!!
Chef but its still delicious soup.
2 minutes!!!
2 minutes for you to collect your damn stuff and get out!!!
Why are you screaming?
What?
- Chef, but I...I...
- I said, get out!!!
Get out!!!
I don't want to listen to anything.
I will make sure, this animal don't find a job in any restaurant!!!
Neither in cafe, nor in a school canteen, nowhere.
We need to talk.
Arkadiy... Can you tell her to get out?
No? Then I will do.
Maks....
didnt go for an interview.
- Really?
- Yes.
It was me.
These are my contact numbers, just in case...
Otherwise I will call you in a few days
and we will discuss everything in details
Im sure you will like him.
He is very promising cook.
Do you help all your exes to find a job?
No, only special ones.
Vitja, you will not let him grow here anyway.
How many talented cooks left this kitchen?
Ten? twenty?
Vitja, you are unbearable.
You dont consider them as people here,
but retards, idiots and chicken-butts... and freaks.
Listen, you dont care about anyone,
because the only thin that matters for you is your own ego!
I just feel sorry for the guy.
- You will just ruin him.
- Stop moralizing me!
- You are not much better.
- Yes, you are right, Im not.
But at least my people don't go through lie-detector.
Can I say to Maks that he is not fired?
You can.
Only you, Arkadiy, can understand me.
- Where are you going?
- Somewhere.
- I just got fired.
- Yea, right.
Maybe, he was joking?
He likes to joke.
Yea, very funny.
Have you seen Lavrov?
Maybe you can stay.
I will hide you.
Like you hid the goose in the bar?
- Maksim, I dont want you to leave.
- Me too.
But dont worry, now you have me.
Max!!!