Kukhnya (2012–2016): Season 1, Episode 20 - Episode #1.20 - full transcript
And when in Somalia pirates attacked us...
we were throwing pineapples
at them from the ship...
from the ship we were throwing
pineapples at them.
Chef, but we somehow
have drown tree boats.
Fedya,
it's time for me to go.
Today is sunday.
I need to do show.
And these two in 4 hours
have to be in the kitchen
stone-cold sober.
Guys, please,
proceed to the end of the corridor.
So let's have a look.
Wasn't he fired?
Apparently he was fired.
We need to put it in the fridge
for 10 minutes.
Good morning.
And we start our cooking show.
We aren't going to cook any garbage today.
That's why our favorite,
disgusting mayonnaise "Malve"
shouldn't be here.
Unexpectedly the former anchor of this show
visited us in the studio.
Look, they gave me an assistant.
Come on, assistant,
go and clean up, clean up, I'm telling you.
Go, I'm telling you. Go clean up!
And meanwhile we'll be cooking
my favorite fritata-ta-ta-ta-ta.
Frita-ta-ta-ta-ta.
And for this
I'll need my dear tomatoes.
My dear pepper.
And my dear eggs.
And where are the eggs?
Invalid, where are my eggs?
Where are my eggs?!
Everything is here.
Where are my eggs?!
Where are my eggs?
No, I'm not celebrating.
It's not an anniversary
and don't give me any gifts.
Tanya, stop it. That's it, fine.
Aren't you ashamed?
You don't even know
when is your girlfriend's birthday.
- Max, are you awake?
- Yes.
I've already brewed coffee.
- Good morning.
- Good...
- Have you seen my watch?
- The watch?
Ah, are you talking about this?
Maybe, you have to buy a new one,
this is hardly working.
No, why? This is my grandad's.
It's antique.
Listen, chicken,
do you want I'll cook you?
Yes, please, cook me, Vitya.
With mayonnaise "Malve".
Sorry, granny, I'm cooking frittata.
That's why I don't need you. Get it.
Spread mayonnaise "Malve"
all over this dummy
and throw it away.
And we'll be cooking frittata-ta-ta-ta.
Frittata-ta.
It's really something, just something..
Where are my eggs?
Kostya?
Are we good together?
Well, yea.
Do you understand,
me and you kinda
going up the stairs somewhere high
up to the sun
higher and higher step by step
Do you understand?
Yes.
We aren't in a rush to go up, are we?
It seems that no.
It's just...
just...
if we stop,
we can fall off the stairs
All the way down.
Do you understand, we can crush?
That's why we should never stop. We...
have to go forward.
Every day is a new step.
Do you understand?
- Yeas, of course.
- Do you agree with me?
Nastya, certainly I agree.
Why did you screw me up with Nagiev yesterday?
I could get fired.
And why are you gossiping?
It's your own fault.
I'm gossiping? You know what?!
Calm down. Calm down.
Max, there's grocery delivery.
And we are going up some stairs
and we can crush
and every day is a new step.
I didn't get anything.
What is not clear here?
She hints at marriage.
Are you for real?
And what else?
But don't you worry.
This problem is easy to solve.
Pretend that you
didn't understand anything.
But anyway I didn't understand anything.
Here we go, no need to lie.
Avoid this conversation,
change the subject.
The point is don't let her
catch you off guard, buddy.
"Do you like it?"
Holly cow!
What's wrong?
Vika sent me MMS.
She has a birthday in a week.
It looks like she wants it as a gift.
- Beautiful ring.
- Of course beautiful.
But I have to work a year for this ring.
She's used to luxury life.
Why didn't she ask me to buy her a car?
She has a car already.
Kostyan, you are the best.
Vitya, wake up!
I can't wake you up for an hour already.
Are you aware
that Nagiev will tear you apart? Vitya!
You've disgraced us
in front of the whole country.
Vitya, answer the phone!
He has been calling
since the morning.
Vitya, what are you...?!
Vitya, what are you doing?
There are 34 missed calls!
Ok, it's clear.
Yes, yes, right away.
- Take the phone.
- I'm not here.
- I put the speaker on.
- No.
Have you flown off the handle
completely?
What have you done there?
What have you done, I'm asking?
I'll be back in three days
and finish you off.
Did you get me?
Hi.
Hi.
i wanted to know about MMS.
Did you like it?
Yea, beautiful.
Do you know how much it costs?
Well...
90 or 100 thousand...
90/100
10 here and there
So you think it's fine for a gift, right?
- And why not?
- Of course, why wouldn't be?
If she can afford it.
- Who is "she"?
- Tanya.
She was choosing a gift
and sent me a picture.
Why did you get so upset?
Nothing...
Just...
I wanted to give you a ring myself.
She's actually... stolen my gift-idea.
Well then...
Let me... let me I'll tell her.
Let her choose something else.
- But, no...
- And you'll give me a ring.
From you this gift is more pleasant.
But why? She's already bought it.
But no, she was just choosing
and asking for an advice.
I'll call her now.
A) Rob a bank B) play into porno
C)Sell a car D) Find a second job
Kostya, I wanted to discuss
something with you.
Wait...
I think there's something wrong
with my stomach.
Kostya...
we need to talk.
Nastya...
I missed you so much.
Baby woke up and wants
to play with me.
And now let's talk.
Do you remember
we were talking
that every day
we have to make a new step?
Well, yea...
I have the feeling
that you are still not ready.
Me?
Me?
I'm ready.
- Sure?
- I'm sure.
Then I invite my parent for a weekend.
Ok.
Good afternoon.
Well...
Dima is waiting for you.
Here's my handsome!
Hello, how are you?
Tell me, how do you manage
to do all this?
Get away with everything?
Just three days ago
I was sure I would fire this guy.
- You are not firing me?
- Are you crazy? Are you crazy?
You are a star.
Sit down, buddy, come on.
Wait, I'll show you
something interesting.
Your ears will start moving.
Look... Look, look!
"Invalid, where are my eggs?
In 2 days there is more than
one million views.
"Where are my eggs? There is everything,
but where are my eggs?"
Do you understand what it means?
Yes, I understand.
They have nothing else to do.
Idiot, you are so stupid.
Did you lose your mind, Vitya?
You are a star.
My phone is ringing off the hook. Right.
All friends are asking to meet you.
Do you feel it, right?
Tell him, tell him.
Over the weekend
all our tables are booked.
Everyone wants to see you.
There we go.
May I take a picture of you?
We are working, so do it fast.
Thanks.
I didn't get it.
That's the point I've reached,
that's what I've got.
So it means I'm not fired.
Have you lost your mind? For what?
For being a star,
for promoting our restaurant
Then maybe I should get a bonus, ah?
Don't push it over the edge,
go to the kitchen
Get your coffee.
Thanks Kostyan.
Listen, I'm almost dead
because of this side job.
- Would you help me to drag the bags in?
- I'll help.
Why are you so sour?
I couldn't get myself off
this serious conversation.
And what did she tell you?
She said that she invited
her parents over the weekend.
What do you think it means?
It means that
you are in deep shit, buddy.
They have a product,
and you are the merchant.
She expects you
to ask them for her hand in marriage.
Wow.
So it turns out now I need...
a ring.
If that's your only problem, then yes.
So it turns out both of us need rings now.
Yes, but with one small amendment.
I don't need to propose anyone.
Listen, all tables are full.
Everyones wants Chef's specialty.
Well...
then daddy will feed everyone.
Chef! (Chanting)
Lady, tell us please
when can we have a table?
- One minute.
- I have been standing 20 minutes here already.
We've been through difficult times.
But now...
Our team... we need to...
thank it.
Tell people, that on Saturday we work till 12am
and then we'll have a corporate party.
Sorry, granddad.
There is no other way.
Max.
So have you bought the ring?
- Yea.
- Me too.
Show it.
Ohh, Louis's army is growing.
You propose to each other, right?
- Do you care?
- No.
That's it then.
Really.
Guys, when is the wedding?
"Vika's birthday"
"Corporate party"
Friends, please, just a minute
of your attention.
I give the floor to our...
father...
teacher...
you can just say
to the guide of the culinary idea
to Viktor Petrovich.
Chef, you have the floor.
I won't talk a lot.
I'll just say...
Dima, thank you that you believed in us,
gave us a chance.
For you!
Thanks. Thanks, friends.
Did you give it t her?
I didn't have time. I'll go now.
Kostyan!
And now...
the highlight of our evening....
yearly, intergalactic competition
of our restaurant
in ultra-high speed drinking
I have just one question.
Who?!
Who can beat our ultimate champion...
Sasha Bubnova.
- Man, I'm off.
- Good luck.
And here is a volunteer.
And today Sasha's opponent
will be a respected chicken-butt
of our restaurant...
Max Lavrov.
No, no, no, no, guys. I'm out.
Pencil, are you scared or something?
I'm scared?
Pour it.
Let's go.
So, rules are easy.
who finishes first is a champion.
Careful, don't burst.
So, let's welcome our new champion.
Prize!
Take it, winner.
Such idiots!
Please, excuse me.
Vika, I've been told,
that you have a birthday today.
Girls put your flowers in water
and this I hope
you'll hang in your bedroom.
Look, it suits your beautiful dress.
You shouldn't have.
Oh, my God!
It's my favourite photographer.
Martin Munkácsi
Why have you...?
It's... it's very expensive.
- The most important is that you liked it.
- I'm very touched.
- May I?
- Thanks.
And I see you are having fun here, right?
Hold it.
This is to your table from...
our table of serfs.
We...
Vikulia, what's wrong?
You hurt me.
What's wrong?
I want to drink for the extraordinary lady.
Excuse me,
consequences of my triumph.
I want to drink for the lady
that I really really love a lot.
Hope, it's mutual, right Vika?
Well, Max...
Excuse us.
Well, let's go out, please.
Yes, yes, yes.
I forgot something.
Everyone's giving you gifts here,
and I somehow didn't have time.
Now I'll give you a gift, wait.
- Oh, sorry.
- Sorry for this.
Max!
I found it. Sorry.
Well.
I found it, now I'll give it to you.
I'm sorry.
- That's it, let's go.
- Let's go.
- Let's go for a minute.
- Vladimirovich...
Excuse us.
What are you doing?
I'm ashamed of you.
You make me look like an idiot
in front of people!
Viktoria sergeevna, and you are not ashamed,
that one pompous ass is licking your hands
in front of all people?
At least this pompous ass behaves decently.
Ah, he behaves decently?
So maybe you'll be dating him,
if you are not happy with me.
He pampers you.
Gives you expensive gifts.
You have to be grateful.
If you insist so much.
I'll do so.
Sorry, he is...
- Is everything fine?
- Yea.
All good, he is just an idiot.
It happens.
That's your's, buddy.
You need it more.
Bye.
- Are you leaving already?
- Yea.
It's not that much fun here.
Nastya,
I wanted to tell you something.
I want you to be my wife.
Kostya, are you crazy?
Get up.
Did you lose your mind?
Put it away.
- Why?
- Why...
You said yourself
that every day is a new step.
Kostya! I meant meeting parents,
but not this.
According to my plan
this step is only in a year.
- Is there some plan?
- Yes, there is
and you've almost ruined it now.
Beautiful ring.
Yea, Max gave it to me.
Max?
Eleonora Andreevna...
Eleonora Andreevna...
Please.
Eat, eat, the owner is paying...
- Look, who's here.
- Hello.
Hello.
- I won't disturb you?
- No.
Viktor Petrovich, I 'm ...
aware of what has happened.
I'm really sorry for you, really... and...
I want to say
that you are a real professional.
Seriously.
In any case, whatever happens and even if...
Wait.
What are you talking about?
We had difficult times... difficult,
let's face it.
But thanks to you,
we made it through.
Thank you.
And for you!
Thanks.
Did you sell the restaurant?
For you.
Let's step aside.
Dima...
How could you...?
We have fixed everything.
Don't shout. Don't shout.
Vitya...
It's business, just business.
Trust me, it's better to sell on it's prime,
than later not to sell at all.
- Hello.
- Good morning.
Is Max at home?
I can't reach him out.
I don't know...probably,
the keys are here,
so it means he's at home.
Come in.
Very often we live in the world
of our perfect illusions
We forget who we are in real life,
playing parts of strangers.
But moment of awakening comes,
that tears off our endless masks
and reveals the reality,
to which we were completely
not prepared.
Maybe...
we should have woken up earlier.
TO BE CONTINUED
we were throwing pineapples
at them from the ship...
from the ship we were throwing
pineapples at them.
Chef, but we somehow
have drown tree boats.
Fedya,
it's time for me to go.
Today is sunday.
I need to do show.
And these two in 4 hours
have to be in the kitchen
stone-cold sober.
Guys, please,
proceed to the end of the corridor.
So let's have a look.
Wasn't he fired?
Apparently he was fired.
We need to put it in the fridge
for 10 minutes.
Good morning.
And we start our cooking show.
We aren't going to cook any garbage today.
That's why our favorite,
disgusting mayonnaise "Malve"
shouldn't be here.
Unexpectedly the former anchor of this show
visited us in the studio.
Look, they gave me an assistant.
Come on, assistant,
go and clean up, clean up, I'm telling you.
Go, I'm telling you. Go clean up!
And meanwhile we'll be cooking
my favorite fritata-ta-ta-ta-ta.
Frita-ta-ta-ta-ta.
And for this
I'll need my dear tomatoes.
My dear pepper.
And my dear eggs.
And where are the eggs?
Invalid, where are my eggs?
Where are my eggs?!
Everything is here.
Where are my eggs?!
Where are my eggs?
No, I'm not celebrating.
It's not an anniversary
and don't give me any gifts.
Tanya, stop it. That's it, fine.
Aren't you ashamed?
You don't even know
when is your girlfriend's birthday.
- Max, are you awake?
- Yes.
I've already brewed coffee.
- Good morning.
- Good...
- Have you seen my watch?
- The watch?
Ah, are you talking about this?
Maybe, you have to buy a new one,
this is hardly working.
No, why? This is my grandad's.
It's antique.
Listen, chicken,
do you want I'll cook you?
Yes, please, cook me, Vitya.
With mayonnaise "Malve".
Sorry, granny, I'm cooking frittata.
That's why I don't need you. Get it.
Spread mayonnaise "Malve"
all over this dummy
and throw it away.
And we'll be cooking frittata-ta-ta-ta.
Frittata-ta.
It's really something, just something..
Where are my eggs?
Kostya?
Are we good together?
Well, yea.
Do you understand,
me and you kinda
going up the stairs somewhere high
up to the sun
higher and higher step by step
Do you understand?
Yes.
We aren't in a rush to go up, are we?
It seems that no.
It's just...
just...
if we stop,
we can fall off the stairs
All the way down.
Do you understand, we can crush?
That's why we should never stop. We...
have to go forward.
Every day is a new step.
Do you understand?
- Yeas, of course.
- Do you agree with me?
Nastya, certainly I agree.
Why did you screw me up with Nagiev yesterday?
I could get fired.
And why are you gossiping?
It's your own fault.
I'm gossiping? You know what?!
Calm down. Calm down.
Max, there's grocery delivery.
And we are going up some stairs
and we can crush
and every day is a new step.
I didn't get anything.
What is not clear here?
She hints at marriage.
Are you for real?
And what else?
But don't you worry.
This problem is easy to solve.
Pretend that you
didn't understand anything.
But anyway I didn't understand anything.
Here we go, no need to lie.
Avoid this conversation,
change the subject.
The point is don't let her
catch you off guard, buddy.
"Do you like it?"
Holly cow!
What's wrong?
Vika sent me MMS.
She has a birthday in a week.
It looks like she wants it as a gift.
- Beautiful ring.
- Of course beautiful.
But I have to work a year for this ring.
She's used to luxury life.
Why didn't she ask me to buy her a car?
She has a car already.
Kostyan, you are the best.
Vitya, wake up!
I can't wake you up for an hour already.
Are you aware
that Nagiev will tear you apart? Vitya!
You've disgraced us
in front of the whole country.
Vitya, answer the phone!
He has been calling
since the morning.
Vitya, what are you...?!
Vitya, what are you doing?
There are 34 missed calls!
Ok, it's clear.
Yes, yes, right away.
- Take the phone.
- I'm not here.
- I put the speaker on.
- No.
Have you flown off the handle
completely?
What have you done there?
What have you done, I'm asking?
I'll be back in three days
and finish you off.
Did you get me?
Hi.
Hi.
i wanted to know about MMS.
Did you like it?
Yea, beautiful.
Do you know how much it costs?
Well...
90 or 100 thousand...
90/100
10 here and there
So you think it's fine for a gift, right?
- And why not?
- Of course, why wouldn't be?
If she can afford it.
- Who is "she"?
- Tanya.
She was choosing a gift
and sent me a picture.
Why did you get so upset?
Nothing...
Just...
I wanted to give you a ring myself.
She's actually... stolen my gift-idea.
Well then...
Let me... let me I'll tell her.
Let her choose something else.
- But, no...
- And you'll give me a ring.
From you this gift is more pleasant.
But why? She's already bought it.
But no, she was just choosing
and asking for an advice.
I'll call her now.
A) Rob a bank B) play into porno
C)Sell a car D) Find a second job
Kostya, I wanted to discuss
something with you.
Wait...
I think there's something wrong
with my stomach.
Kostya...
we need to talk.
Nastya...
I missed you so much.
Baby woke up and wants
to play with me.
And now let's talk.
Do you remember
we were talking
that every day
we have to make a new step?
Well, yea...
I have the feeling
that you are still not ready.
Me?
Me?
I'm ready.
- Sure?
- I'm sure.
Then I invite my parent for a weekend.
Ok.
Good afternoon.
Well...
Dima is waiting for you.
Here's my handsome!
Hello, how are you?
Tell me, how do you manage
to do all this?
Get away with everything?
Just three days ago
I was sure I would fire this guy.
- You are not firing me?
- Are you crazy? Are you crazy?
You are a star.
Sit down, buddy, come on.
Wait, I'll show you
something interesting.
Your ears will start moving.
Look... Look, look!
"Invalid, where are my eggs?
In 2 days there is more than
one million views.
"Where are my eggs? There is everything,
but where are my eggs?"
Do you understand what it means?
Yes, I understand.
They have nothing else to do.
Idiot, you are so stupid.
Did you lose your mind, Vitya?
You are a star.
My phone is ringing off the hook. Right.
All friends are asking to meet you.
Do you feel it, right?
Tell him, tell him.
Over the weekend
all our tables are booked.
Everyone wants to see you.
There we go.
May I take a picture of you?
We are working, so do it fast.
Thanks.
I didn't get it.
That's the point I've reached,
that's what I've got.
So it means I'm not fired.
Have you lost your mind? For what?
For being a star,
for promoting our restaurant
Then maybe I should get a bonus, ah?
Don't push it over the edge,
go to the kitchen
Get your coffee.
Thanks Kostyan.
Listen, I'm almost dead
because of this side job.
- Would you help me to drag the bags in?
- I'll help.
Why are you so sour?
I couldn't get myself off
this serious conversation.
And what did she tell you?
She said that she invited
her parents over the weekend.
What do you think it means?
It means that
you are in deep shit, buddy.
They have a product,
and you are the merchant.
She expects you
to ask them for her hand in marriage.
Wow.
So it turns out now I need...
a ring.
If that's your only problem, then yes.
So it turns out both of us need rings now.
Yes, but with one small amendment.
I don't need to propose anyone.
Listen, all tables are full.
Everyones wants Chef's specialty.
Well...
then daddy will feed everyone.
Chef! (Chanting)
Lady, tell us please
when can we have a table?
- One minute.
- I have been standing 20 minutes here already.
We've been through difficult times.
But now...
Our team... we need to...
thank it.
Tell people, that on Saturday we work till 12am
and then we'll have a corporate party.
Sorry, granddad.
There is no other way.
Max.
So have you bought the ring?
- Yea.
- Me too.
Show it.
Ohh, Louis's army is growing.
You propose to each other, right?
- Do you care?
- No.
That's it then.
Really.
Guys, when is the wedding?
"Vika's birthday"
"Corporate party"
Friends, please, just a minute
of your attention.
I give the floor to our...
father...
teacher...
you can just say
to the guide of the culinary idea
to Viktor Petrovich.
Chef, you have the floor.
I won't talk a lot.
I'll just say...
Dima, thank you that you believed in us,
gave us a chance.
For you!
Thanks. Thanks, friends.
Did you give it t her?
I didn't have time. I'll go now.
Kostyan!
And now...
the highlight of our evening....
yearly, intergalactic competition
of our restaurant
in ultra-high speed drinking
I have just one question.
Who?!
Who can beat our ultimate champion...
Sasha Bubnova.
- Man, I'm off.
- Good luck.
And here is a volunteer.
And today Sasha's opponent
will be a respected chicken-butt
of our restaurant...
Max Lavrov.
No, no, no, no, guys. I'm out.
Pencil, are you scared or something?
I'm scared?
Pour it.
Let's go.
So, rules are easy.
who finishes first is a champion.
Careful, don't burst.
So, let's welcome our new champion.
Prize!
Take it, winner.
Such idiots!
Please, excuse me.
Vika, I've been told,
that you have a birthday today.
Girls put your flowers in water
and this I hope
you'll hang in your bedroom.
Look, it suits your beautiful dress.
You shouldn't have.
Oh, my God!
It's my favourite photographer.
Martin Munkácsi
Why have you...?
It's... it's very expensive.
- The most important is that you liked it.
- I'm very touched.
- May I?
- Thanks.
And I see you are having fun here, right?
Hold it.
This is to your table from...
our table of serfs.
We...
Vikulia, what's wrong?
You hurt me.
What's wrong?
I want to drink for the extraordinary lady.
Excuse me,
consequences of my triumph.
I want to drink for the lady
that I really really love a lot.
Hope, it's mutual, right Vika?
Well, Max...
Excuse us.
Well, let's go out, please.
Yes, yes, yes.
I forgot something.
Everyone's giving you gifts here,
and I somehow didn't have time.
Now I'll give you a gift, wait.
- Oh, sorry.
- Sorry for this.
Max!
I found it. Sorry.
Well.
I found it, now I'll give it to you.
I'm sorry.
- That's it, let's go.
- Let's go.
- Let's go for a minute.
- Vladimirovich...
Excuse us.
What are you doing?
I'm ashamed of you.
You make me look like an idiot
in front of people!
Viktoria sergeevna, and you are not ashamed,
that one pompous ass is licking your hands
in front of all people?
At least this pompous ass behaves decently.
Ah, he behaves decently?
So maybe you'll be dating him,
if you are not happy with me.
He pampers you.
Gives you expensive gifts.
You have to be grateful.
If you insist so much.
I'll do so.
Sorry, he is...
- Is everything fine?
- Yea.
All good, he is just an idiot.
It happens.
That's your's, buddy.
You need it more.
Bye.
- Are you leaving already?
- Yea.
It's not that much fun here.
Nastya,
I wanted to tell you something.
I want you to be my wife.
Kostya, are you crazy?
Get up.
Did you lose your mind?
Put it away.
- Why?
- Why...
You said yourself
that every day is a new step.
Kostya! I meant meeting parents,
but not this.
According to my plan
this step is only in a year.
- Is there some plan?
- Yes, there is
and you've almost ruined it now.
Beautiful ring.
Yea, Max gave it to me.
Max?
Eleonora Andreevna...
Eleonora Andreevna...
Please.
Eat, eat, the owner is paying...
- Look, who's here.
- Hello.
Hello.
- I won't disturb you?
- No.
Viktor Petrovich, I 'm ...
aware of what has happened.
I'm really sorry for you, really... and...
I want to say
that you are a real professional.
Seriously.
In any case, whatever happens and even if...
Wait.
What are you talking about?
We had difficult times... difficult,
let's face it.
But thanks to you,
we made it through.
Thank you.
And for you!
Thanks.
Did you sell the restaurant?
For you.
Let's step aside.
Dima...
How could you...?
We have fixed everything.
Don't shout. Don't shout.
Vitya...
It's business, just business.
Trust me, it's better to sell on it's prime,
than later not to sell at all.
- Hello.
- Good morning.
Is Max at home?
I can't reach him out.
I don't know...probably,
the keys are here,
so it means he's at home.
Come in.
Very often we live in the world
of our perfect illusions
We forget who we are in real life,
playing parts of strangers.
But moment of awakening comes,
that tears off our endless masks
and reveals the reality,
to which we were completely
not prepared.
Maybe...
we should have woken up earlier.
TO BE CONTINUED