Kukhnya (2012–2016): Season 1, Episode 17 - Episode #1.17 - full transcript

So chicken-butt,
do you feel this aromas?

The only thing I feel that I
stepped into rotten plum.

Stop nagging! I'm in a good mood.

That's why you'll learn
an ancient art of buying on the market.

What do you think,
how fresh is this cod?

Not like this!

Learn!
How fresh is this cod?

It's fresh.
They just got it today.

- It's a very difficult art.
- Watch closely.

- How fresh is it?
- I'm telling you, it's today's.

Look, he pursed his lips.



"LIE"
1. looked away
2. pursed his lips
3. tensed neck and jaw muscles

And it means that
fish is not less than 3 days.

What 3 days?
It's maximum 2 days.

He scratched his nose.
It means fish is not less than 5 days.

"LIE"

- And it was frozen.
- I totally agree with you on this.

- 5 days?
- Yes.

- Well, right for your restaurant.
- You think so?

Then I'll cook it for you on Tuesday.

- See you soon.
- What do you mean?

Well, you are going to pay us a return visit
with Dmitrii Vladimirovich

Or at least that what I've been told.
So see you soon in "Arcobaleno".

Sure, I have nothing else to do.

In fact, Chef,
it's not a bad place at all.



How would you know?

Have you ever been in "Arcobaleno"?

- Who? Me?
- You!

Of course not!

It's just my friend was telling me about it,
said it was really good.

After this I stopped talking to him.

And to be honest
he wasn't really a nice guy.

It's fine, I just asked.

- Vitya!
- Hush!

Enjoy your meal, Arkady

Sometimes I think, that for your herring

you cook with greater pleasure
then for our guests.

Arkady, don't answer.

Be above all this, be smarter.

What do you want?

Do you remember that
tomorrow is the 1st of the month?

I've told you already that
I'd give you money back in a week.

Maybe.

- And in fact McGeady has your money.
- Who?

He didn't score from the distance
of 2 meters, so ask him.

Got it.

By the beginning of the month

you promised
a new seasonal Chef's specialty.

When you need money,
you promise anything.

Anyway... tomorrow
I'll either get my money

or a seasonal specialty.

( Inaudible )

Nastya, clear the 5th table, please.

You've got a lot of nerve!

At work you have to work
and not make out and giggle.

Or I have to remind you
that relations at work prohibited?

- Why only for us?
- Did you say something?

No, no...you heard it wrong.

- But we didn't do anything.
- Exactly you did nothing, but you had to work.

Nastya, to the dinning hall quickly.

Vikulia, how are you?

You look a bit tense.

You know in the evening
we're going to a very cool place.

- I'm a bit tired.
- So you'll have some rest.

Well... invalides of the first,
second and third category

I have an announcement.

Our menu needs
a seasonal Chef's specialty.

Chef, chef, chef...wait...

Wait, you've been always saying

that you'd never cook seasonal dishes.

Only cats' lewdness is seasonal.

And I'm not going to do it, you will.

The one whose dish will get
into the menu, gets a bonus

and the whole week
I won't call him an invalid.

Is the bonus straight away
or at the end of the month?

Bonus is at the end of the month,

but I'll stop calling him an invalid
straight away.

Have all invalids understood?

Yes, Chef. Oui, Chef.

I'm in such a bad mood,
want to get drunk.

Let's go, there is our table.

Now we'll improve your mood.

Hi! Here we are.

Let me introduce you. It's Vika.

Actually we know Viktoria Sergeevna.

No, no, no. Stop.

It's just Vika.

My girlfriend.

Vika... and it's just Nastya and Kostya,
my friends.

From work.

Seat down here, get comfortable.

And I'll go and get
something to drink. Ok?

It's nice here.

Cosy.

I would work here.

I mean, if our restaurant didn't exist,
I would work here.

Well... So here is fun.
Grab it!

So... Let's drink for gathering!

Why didn't you tell me
that they'll be here?

Vika, actually they are my friends.

We spend lots of time together.
Get used to it.

Maybe I should invite my mom
and aunt from Zelenogorsk?

I also want to spend lots of time
with them.

Vika, what's wrong?

Everything is fine, you'll become friends.

Kostyan, tell us the story about
the strawberry mojito,

when you dropped the cucumber inside

and the guy came and said
" Man, such a cool mojito"

About that bold guy...

It has never happened.

For some reason, I'm not surprised.

Well, you guys stay and we'll go, I guess.

It's time to go home,

we still need to make out
before our working day

Because it's prohibited at work,
only for us for some reason.

Why wouldn't you on have sex
on a bar counter?

Guys, what's wrong?

Maybe we didn't drink enough,
let me get some more.

No need. You guys stay,
have fun and I'll go.

Vika, wait...

Why are you telling us what to do?

You aren't at work now.

You stay and we'll go.

Kostya, let's go.

Let's go I said.

Kostyan, where are you going?

Kostya!

He's coming!

Good morning, Chef!

Chef! Try the seasonal dish.

What?

Yesterday you gave us a task

to cook a seasonal specialty from Chef.

Yea? So I'd get poisoned
from the very morning?

Ok, what should I try here?

Mmm, what is it?

Veal rolls with thin slices of ham.

Congratulation, invalid,
your dish is in the menu.

Chef, wait... and what about...?

Wait, Chef, it's not fair.

You promised
not to call winner an invalid.

Right, congratulation, cripple.

Chef, and w-w-what about us?

I needed a seasonal specialty,
I found it.

Lamb cutlets a la breton with asparagus

Shit!

What to do if you girlfriend
and your friends had a fight?

Clearly, things have to be patched up,
but how?

It has to be something really solid.

For example...

Birthday!

Everyone should let things go,
not to upset a birthday boy.

Exactly!

Tomorrow is my birthday,
how could I forget?

Really, how could I forget?

I haven't mentioned anything and now
bang... birthday!

They won't believe.

Is it accurate?

Maybe I should do tests again.

It's fine, I hold on. I got it.

What birthday?

I don't plan to celebrate anything tomorrow.

And I'm not going to tell
anyone anything. Right.

It's ok, don't worry about me.
Bye.

Hi.

Hi.

I bet 10 minutes
will be enough for Sasha.

Man, are you sick?

Wow, 4 minutes. It's a record.

Maxim! Maxim, what happened?

Sasha told me some horrible things.

Sasha... you are super!

Nothing happened, everything is fine.

Sasha just misunderstood something.

Mom called me
and told that our dog got sick.

Oh, my God!

God, I got so scared.

Maxim, there...

- Sasha said...
- Don't worry, Max is fine.

It's just his dog got sick.

Your dog got sick?

That's terrible.

Wait, you don't want to celebrate
your birthday because of this?

- Max, it's not a reason.
- Kostya!

I mean...

No, probably we have to meet up.

I invite you.

We'll gather and celebrate.

My treat.

We have to live to see tomorrow.

Yes.

Right.

Maxim, we'll discuss with you
everything later.

Amazing!

Why do you look so grumpy?

You again?

Oh, Vitya!

Try not to drink at least today!

Tomorrow we are going to "Arcobaleno"
with return visit.

Dima, what return visit?

I have plenty of things to do.

I have to create a seasonal Chef's specialty.

It's important.

Please, try it.

Who are you? What is it?

It's a new seasonal specialty from Chef.

You know, these are veal rolls
with thin slices of ham.

I create this and Chef approved.

Get your ass out of here
to the kitchen. Fast!

Wait, wait!

Man created a Chef's specialty...
instead of Chef

And Chef wants to get rid of him.
Not nice.

Kid, it's not bad.

- Really?
- Yes, really not bad.

Thanks. You know I need... not I...

we need a slicer for this dish in our kitchen

What is it?
I hope it's something legal.

It's a thing to cut ham
into very thin slices.

And I thought...
Buy for him this schmeiser... or slicer

Let this guy cut slices...

In the end someone have to give birth to
Chef's specialties, right?

Get out... Chef- copycat.

You stayed a bit with intelligent people,
now get out.

- Good bye.
- Good bye.

Look, how it turns out, Vitya.

You don't need to create any specialties,

slaves did everything.

That's why tomorrow
you put on clean shirt

and we go together.

- Where will I go, for God's sake?
- You'll go!

They came,
when you almost poisoned them here.

You have to give this people a chance.

Slicer?! Look!

Hey! Keep your hands off!

It's for my new Chef's specialty.

Of course, new...

Again veal rolls with...

"Better then at yours"

Good afternoon.
Happy to see you in our restaurant.

Would you like a smoking
or non-smoking section?

Do you separate them?

Wow, and you even have two sections?

And air-conditioner?

Just like a castle of Sheikh Mansour.

Silly jokes.

A regular smoking section.

- Please.
- Thanks.

Please

Max!

Happy birthday!

Thanks, man.

Congratulations.

- Thanks, Nastya.
- Happy birthday.

This is for you,
tickets for the concert of Van der Riot.

- Thanks.
- We'll have lots of fun.

You...

me and Nastya.

We'll have a blast.

- Thanks, guys b...
- It's fine.

It's your birthday.

Happy birthday.

There is a menu. Thanks.

You can be spiteful, but it's nice here.

Nice.

I don't know.

What do we have here?

Russian cuisine, french, italian...

... japanese... What is it?

Dummy, it's called fusion. Fusion.

All cuisines of the world
from the west to the east.

Great!

We need to try...Borsch with rolls.

Perhaps they go together very well.

Pelmeni with mozzarella.

What else?

Pizza.

Sushi.

Herring under a fur coat.

Lyulya kebab

I told you.

There should activated charcoal
somewhere.

How is a birthday boy doing?

Well... working.

By the way I already decided

what to cook for the birthday dinner.

Awesome.

And what is it?

Nastya and Kostya
give me a ticket to the club as a gift.

One.

All right.

And what?

Should I cook dinner or not?

Vika, they are my friends.

And I think...

they'll understand me.

Good afternoon.

- I hope you liked everything.
- Hello, hello.

Yes, very delicious.
Almost like at our place.

Right, Vitya?

It's fine.

Wait!

And what is this?

- Are you off your nuts?!
- Calm down. I'm sorry.

Vitya, are you out of your mind.

You're off your nut.What are you doing?

Is something wrong?
I don't understand.

You stole our seasonal Chef's specialty!

I knew it, that you couldn't do
anything yourself, parasites.

Before we could even put it in the menu,
you've already stolen it.

- Phonies!
- You work promptly,

- before we even put it in the menu.
- A minute, please!

We have this dish
since the day we've opened the restaurant.

- Of course! Even Lenin ate it here.
- Even Lenin ate, no doubt.

- I read in autobiography.
- I read in autobiography.

- You read in autobiography?
- Yes. In the original script.

Then read this as well.

Give the menu please.

Please, look at the date of the approval
of the menu.

Please, here.

- How is your eyesight?
- Fine.

"Approved 10th august 2012"

- Have you been there in "Arcobaleno" ?
- Of course no.

"LIE"

Lamb rolls with thin ham slices

That's it, Senya,
you are dead.

Senya, his guy.

Max, where are you?
Are you coming soon?

I'm here already.

Hello.

Hello.

Max,

is this your crazy party

with ex-groupmates?

You said that Vika...
Viktoria Sergeevna won't be here.

How would I not be at my place?

You... Why did you invite them here?

- Why didn't you warn me?
- And us...

Why didn't you warn us?

Do you know how difficult it is

to get the tickets to the concert of
Van der Riot.

If I have warned you,
you would never ever come together.

It's my girlfriend,
and you are my friends

and I wanted us to celebrate
my birthday together.

But if it's such a big problem for you,
don't bother.

Bye.

Thanks for the nice evening.

Max!

Where is this bastard?

Here you are. Chef-copycat.

What are you doing?
What are you...

Finger!

I missed it! God punished you!

Shut up!

Now you are totally invalide
and cripple!

Fedya, take out the finger
and put it in ice.

I'll call an ambulance.

Scream!

Wow!

Maxim, please forgive us
that we spoiled your day.

Yes, forgive them please.

And me.

So? That's it?
The conflict is resolved.

Temporarily,
until someone screws it again.

Nastya, get the glasses.

Max, you are so funny
in your passport.

But why is it you birthday in february?

When your close people are ready

to let things go to make you happy.

You will also do anything

to make them feel good.

Even if you'll need to cheat
a bit for this.

But as a rule, for any lie

you'll have to pay sooner or later.

But the most difficult is
to rectify the consequences of lie.

Lie generates a new lie,

and it's impossible to get out of it.

Only thing left is to believe in yourself,

in your own power, in your true self.

If start everything from scratch

you'll have ahead
only what you'll do yourself.