Kukhnya (2012–2016): Season 1, Episode 14 - Episode #1.14 - full transcript
- Max...
- I'm not Max.
I'm a horny spider-man.
- And now, I'll...
- It won't happen until you go and take a shower.
- Hi.
- Aunt Vika, we decided to surprise you.
And you did it.
Who wants to have fun here?
I want.
Why do you need this teenager?
- Maybe he is a bit young.
- And also a bit poor and a bit without an apartment.
Why do you always go to extremes?
- Either married men or kids.
- Why kids?
Max is a serious guy.
Mam , look, I'm riding a real gorilla.
Tell me, did you manage
to sign your "serious guy" for school?
If not, I can arrange it,
so they'll take him to Alisa's class.
It looks like they get along.
Well, now about the client.
The client is not only my good friend,
but also happens to be an oil magnate.
His wife who celebrates her birthday
loves french cuisine a lot.
Please the wives of oil magnates is our job.
And if she is nice-looking
I can even show her the kitchen.
It's unlikely she'll see your kitchen.
What do you mean? Is she blind?
She is rich. Just rich.
That's why, obviously, the banquet
will take place in her country residence.
Where you will please our dear guests, literally,
with , so to say, real european catering.
Is it clear?
So it' ll be catering?!
You sound as if it's a dump.
Catering is by the way also a banquet,
but outdoors in the fresh air, in nature.
In the fresh air people should get wasted
and eat they should in a specially designated place.
Anyway who will stay in charge
of the restaurant then?
But you have a sous-chef.
He can be chef for one day,
nothing bad will happen.
Dima, what for a chef-cook for a barbecue
even if it's pretentious barbecue?
- You don't need to cook anything.
- Enough! You need to.
You are the face of our restaurant,
so be kind to sell this face.
I don't want to discuss anything anymore.
Is it clear?
Viktoria, taking into consideration
the love of our primadonna to outdoor events,
In this case I can...
count only on you.
Yes, yes, Dmitrii Vladimirovich, don't worry,
I'll keep everything under control.
Nice. So you will be accountable then
if something goes wrong.
Viktoria, dear, remember, I count only on you.
Don't worry, Mr. Pineapple,
I'll keep everything under control.
Hello, Vitya. Where are you?
Guests are gathering already.
I'm pulling up (drunk voice).
I'm coming.
My greetings to you, oh, Queen of catering!
Why did you get so wasted?
What is this "mavauis ton"?
I didn't get waisted, but
consumed a little bit of digestif as an aperitif.
In short...
The face of the restaurant is delivered
and I'm ready to sell it.
No, in this state you won't get to see the guests.
And you won't get married
if you keep clutching like this!
Chef, good afternoon.
Here is your chicken-butt on a white horse.
Don't you dare!
Please, do something with this drunk monster,
before he goes to the guests.
Chef, I have an idea.
Let's go to inspect the bar.
I have a better idea.
Let's go to inspect the bar.
"Claude Monet"
Chef
I-I...
I can't...
I won't succeed.
(super-chef) You'll succeed...
You are sous-chef.
And it means super-chef!
Yes, I can do it.
I can do it for sure, I'll do it that...
- Leva, do you need to wash anything?
- Ainura....
Oonne mmore time you come in like this,
and I'll need to for sure!
- Vika, can I have a few words with you?
- Yes, of course.
- Do you like everything, Diana?
- Yes, everything is wonderful.
- And where is my gift?
- Excuse me?
Where is your famous сhef
that my husband promised to me?
The thing is he's really busy.
Today he has to be busy
only with me and my guests.
- Yes, but...
- Vika, I like you...
and I'll be very.... very sad
if you have to search for a new job.
Ok... I'll find him now.
Thanks, you are so nice.
And you are such a bitch.
Max, have you seen chef?
If you are talking about 100 kg of meat
soaked in cognac,
then it's here.
- My God!
- Voila!
Vitya, Vitya!
Vitya, get up! Vitya!
Abonent Chef cannot answer your call,
he cannot do anything now,
shake him a little bit later.
Max, it's not funny for me.
Birthday girl asks for chef urgently.
Let's call the strongest waiters
and serve the chef to her...
with basil and parsley.
Max, I'm fed up with you kindergarten.
You don't take anything seriously.
I'll lose my job now,
and you are having fun.
Why the hell do I even need you,
such a funny guy?
- I'm an optimist.
- It's not an optimism already, it's an idiocy!
And where is the chef
that was promised me "in a second"?
- The thing is...
- I was about to see you.
Hello.
- Max, what are you doing?
- Saving your beautiful ass.
Let me introduce myself...
My name is Maximilian.
Chef of the restaurant "Claude Monet".
- You are so young and already a chef?
- Talent does't have an age.
- Please....
- Interesting...
And here it gets broken
and 1,5 tons of fish falls on me!
- Seriously?
- Yes!
(Something in Kyrgyz)
Of course. Later I was taking this tuna
even out of my panties
Is my "Turbot with asparagus" ready?
Yes, it's ready, ready...
It's just need to be fried.
"Hello, is waiter with bechamel sauce ready?"
Leva! The client has been waiting for a fish
for one hour already.
And this storyteller keep gabbing.
- So in short, at a certain moment...
- Fedia...
- B-be sso kkind....(Stammering).
- Leva, don't bug me, ok?
Go, go, go...
But this is not interesting, now I'll tell you how I....
Do you want to be chef?
Then be like Chef!
So I'm walking on the beach,
a little bit drunk of course....
Listen you, invalid!
Shut your mouth,
take the knife and cook the fish!
- No, I heard it wrong. So then I...
- Why did you freeze, halibut?
I said "Work"!
"WORK" I said!
Why did you freeze?
It applies to everyone, Kunstkamera!
Work, pickles!
So in short, Depardieu finishes my ratatouille
and says:
"Maximilian, jeez, it's nuts,
but even my mama can't cook ratatouille like this!"
- Did he say exactly "it's nuts"?
- Well, yes.
Of course, just in French.
Since then we are friends with Gerard.
Either he calls me, or I call him.
Thanks. So ladies, cheers.
- For Depardieu!
- He is cool!
Maximilian, tell us more.
With pleasure.
Once in Paris...
Excuse me,
but I need to go and stir my bechamel.
Ca you feel a burning smell?
Hello, Vika.
Nagiev (surname) is here.
Let's meet next to the body.
Good afternoon. Hello, hello, hello.
Dianochka, you are beautiful as always.
You are blooming, and smelling nice
Mmmm... such an expensive smell...
What is it? Oil?
Dimochka, you are so funny.
I always try to remember your jokes
and always forget.
By the way we've already met your chef.
Oh, my God!
He is super! So handsome!
Who are you talking about?
Maybe he got shaved finally.
- Vitya, wake up, I beg you! Vitya!
- Chef, wake up! Chef!
He is so sociable!
- Chef, get up!
- (Drunk gibberish).
And just a cutie!
By the way I got
as a present the book of rare french recipes.
Could your Chef cook something
from this book right in front of my guests?
I don't know who you are describing,
but if it's him and he is in a such good mood,
then I think yes.
Who are you?
Get out !!!
I'm sleeping.
"Fleming's filet mignon"
and "Langouste a la France".
Gentleman! "Fleming's filet mignon"
and "Langouste a la France"
Jacque, you broke my heart, dirty player!
Forget my phone number!
Forget that I have a phone!
Louis, stop your lamentations of Jaroslavna
(from rus. poem "The lay of Knight's Igor Campaign")
and get back to desserts.
What are you gawking at, invalids?
Back to work!
- Chef!
- Vitya!
Chef, get up! Get up!
It's pointless!
He won't wake up,
even if they declare third world war.
Vika!
Where is the fat one?
Maximilian, you are here!
And we are looking and looking for you
and you are hiding here.
We want you to cook for us
a little masterpiece from old french cuisine.
Diana, chef also should have a rest
between the masterpieces.
I'll explain to you everything later,
Dmitrii Vladimirovich.
I'll kill you later.
Diana, what are you doing here?
Get back to the guests.
And we'll have a small business meeting.
Please.
Maximilian, I'm waiting for you.
And I'll join you very soon.
Here is the hole, it's here.
Are you stupid or what?
What's happening here? What's happening?!!!
Here!
Oh, my God! What is it?
Dima, it's me.
Everything is under control.
- Mama mia!
- Viva catering!
Birthday Girl wanted to see chef,
and chef wasn't here and we..
Because of you, I'll be burying my career
in front of this ragtag now.
Thank you, guys.
Dmitrii Vladimirovich, wait.
Vika has nothing to do with it. I did it.
Of course you can fire me....
But let me better cook this french dish...
Stay calm! Don't panic!
Daddy will get up now and do everything!
- Stop talking.
- With my own hands!
I don't want even see you.
There is a recipe.
With recipe it's not difficult.
That's right, ah?
With recipe any idiot can do it, right?
If there's a recipe, it's easy, ah?
Ok, I really beg you ...
God help you!
Boy, do it!
So if no one needs me,
even to this bold social-climberю
I'll get back to work.
Leva, the client found
a sim-card in his dessert.
What are you thinking about, tell me?
In short, he demands to see Chef.
You have to go.
I-I-I-I wwwwill nnnot go (stammering).
What do you mean you won't go?
You are chef today, so go and sort it out.
I-I-III'm nnnot cchef,
I-I-Iii'm ssss... sss.....sss....
Levochka, I see that you scared,
but you have to sort it out, understand? Go!
I'm not sss... Louis?!
Louis! Is dessert yours?
So you should go to the client.
Go, go, go...
Why are you staring at me?
Whoever screwed up, has to answer.
Work, invalids!
You are an invalid yourself, Leva!
Dear friends!
One minute of your attention!
I want to introduce to you the best chef of Moscow,
the specialist of french cuisine....
Maximilian.
Maximilian has kindly agreed to cook for us
an old french dish from this book.
I chose this one.
Here everything is in french,
but I'm sure it's not a problem for our chef, right?
- Si.
- Si?... Idiot!
"Si" is in italian, in french it's "Oui".
So what will you do?
Easy, I'll cook it from the picture.
You can see here everything.
The most important, it has to look the same.
Obviously she has never tried it before.
Of course I've never tried this dish.
But Jacque, our business partner and friend,
has tried it before.
Jacque, s'il vous plait here.
Bonsoir Mesdames et Messieurs.
Jacque knows everything about french cuisine
and he'll help us to evaluate
what Maximilian cooks for us.
French came when it was least expected.
I wish young chef luck.
Well... Let's start.
What is this shit in my dessert? Ah?
Because of you I almost lost my tooth.
Excusez-moi s'il vous plait.
First of all you have to learn Russian.
Why did you come here?
So people would break their teeth?
Poor, Louis.
Chef is not here
and no one can protect him.
(Speaking Kyrgyz)
Now I'll make you swallow it.
- No, no, no...
- Goddamn Napoleon!
Leave the pastry chef alone!
- And who are you?
- Me? I-i'm Chef.
And I'm responsible for everything
that happens in the kitchen.
- And if you have any complaints...
- Complaints?! I have...
Here!
Let's go!
Clowns!
Leva, merci.
Delicious dessert.
Is it with cognac?
Guys, guys...
Let's hurry up,
we still have three dishes.
We'll do everything now.
What are you waiting for?!
Chef said to speed up!
Well done, Leva-chef, well done!
Well, time to switch on terminator's mode.
"Beef tenderloin"
"Foie gras"
"Potato pie"
"Pumpkin puree"
"Raspberry" "Blackberry"
"Caramel sauce"
Well, I'll figure it out. Let's go.
"Onion"
Well now, let's try it.
Jacque! Jacque?!
I got him, I got him!
Jacque, where are you?
(Blabbering in french)
Here, Jacque is delivered
and ready for consumption.
And who are you?
- Neighbour.
- Ours?
No. His.
Imagine, we were living
on neighbouring streets in Paris.
- Tell her, Jacque.
- Viktor was my neighbour in Paris.
(Speaking french)
Hold on with kisses,
first eat this.
It's for you, try it.
Very delicious.
It's good to eat (french accent)
Well done, chicken butt.
You almost succeeded,
but there should be lamb, not beef.
Why don't we get
something alcohol-containing, Jacque?
To France!
To France!!!
Singing the Marseillaise.
Let's excuse Jacque,
it seems he had enough without our dish.
Well then, I'll be a taster.
It's... devine.
It's your luck, cook.
Dmitrii Vladimirovich, it's our luck.
Bravo!
Maxim is good, he helped Vika.
And she told him lots of nasty things
and she is very ashamed.
And how will she make things right now?
Well, like this.
And who am I?
Croissant or celery?
You are definitely croissant,
I don't eat carbs.
Thank you, my brave croissant.
Dima, don't be silent,
you make us scared.
And it's time to go home,
everyone is tired.
And what are you tired of?
What are you tired of?! Of drinking every day?!
- Tired of hitting the bottle?
- By the way, do you know how tiring it is?
If you want Dima, I'll go for medical treatment.
And what will you treat?
Screw-it-all attitude?
They can't cure it, they can not.
- Then... this one...???
- L-l-lev... (stammering)
L-l-lev, the king of our garbage,
why are you tired, L-l-lev?
Tired of being rude to our clients?!
Tired of screaming at politicians?
I didn't know
that he is a p-p-politician (stammering).
It doesn't matter
whether he's a p-p-politician or just a passer-by!
First of all for us he is... who???
- G-g-guest.
- G-g-guest!
And g-g-guest is always ...what?
He's always r-r-right. Yes?
This is it.
And if you work like this, L-l-lev...
Then to reach the position of Chef,
you need as long as
a burger place to become our restaurant.
Now, you...
Victoria...
Yes, Dima, we let you down,
but Vika was working the whole day,
It's not her fault.
Why are you "Matrosov" (soviet war hero)
going at a gun machine?
Unlike you,
I called her out not to scold, but thank her.
Thank her for that guy that cooked.
If it wasn't him,
now we would sit here in pants full of shit.
We would be screwed totally.
I'm so tired of all this.
French poorhouse.
I'll sell it the hell out.
I'll buy something worthy.
What should I buy, ah?
Pharmacy?
Aha, pharmacy, yea.
No, I'll buy dry-cleaning.
Oh, my God!
Pharmacy!
Why are you eavesdropping?
Standing here with your ears on the door!
Why did you stood up for me? Feel ashamed?
I didn't want to continue this execution.
Chef, I'm sorry.
Apparently I couldn't handle it.
Leva, of course
it's not good to fight with guests
But Chef is responsible
not only for good food.
First of all
Chef is responsible for his team!
And you acted today as a real Chef.
You handled it.
Well done.
Responsibility is something really strange.
On one hand we are scared of it.
And on the other hand,
thanks to it we earn respect.
We get closer to each other.
Victoria Sergeevna, let me lie down
and we'll get to carnal pleasures.
And after doing something irresponsible,
we come to right conclusions.
That's it,
I'm not drinking at work anymore.
I'm not drinking at work anymore.
This decision has to be celebrated.
Or we don't.
- I'm not Max.
I'm a horny spider-man.
- And now, I'll...
- It won't happen until you go and take a shower.
- Hi.
- Aunt Vika, we decided to surprise you.
And you did it.
Who wants to have fun here?
I want.
Why do you need this teenager?
- Maybe he is a bit young.
- And also a bit poor and a bit without an apartment.
Why do you always go to extremes?
- Either married men or kids.
- Why kids?
Max is a serious guy.
Mam , look, I'm riding a real gorilla.
Tell me, did you manage
to sign your "serious guy" for school?
If not, I can arrange it,
so they'll take him to Alisa's class.
It looks like they get along.
Well, now about the client.
The client is not only my good friend,
but also happens to be an oil magnate.
His wife who celebrates her birthday
loves french cuisine a lot.
Please the wives of oil magnates is our job.
And if she is nice-looking
I can even show her the kitchen.
It's unlikely she'll see your kitchen.
What do you mean? Is she blind?
She is rich. Just rich.
That's why, obviously, the banquet
will take place in her country residence.
Where you will please our dear guests, literally,
with , so to say, real european catering.
Is it clear?
So it' ll be catering?!
You sound as if it's a dump.
Catering is by the way also a banquet,
but outdoors in the fresh air, in nature.
In the fresh air people should get wasted
and eat they should in a specially designated place.
Anyway who will stay in charge
of the restaurant then?
But you have a sous-chef.
He can be chef for one day,
nothing bad will happen.
Dima, what for a chef-cook for a barbecue
even if it's pretentious barbecue?
- You don't need to cook anything.
- Enough! You need to.
You are the face of our restaurant,
so be kind to sell this face.
I don't want to discuss anything anymore.
Is it clear?
Viktoria, taking into consideration
the love of our primadonna to outdoor events,
In this case I can...
count only on you.
Yes, yes, Dmitrii Vladimirovich, don't worry,
I'll keep everything under control.
Nice. So you will be accountable then
if something goes wrong.
Viktoria, dear, remember, I count only on you.
Don't worry, Mr. Pineapple,
I'll keep everything under control.
Hello, Vitya. Where are you?
Guests are gathering already.
I'm pulling up (drunk voice).
I'm coming.
My greetings to you, oh, Queen of catering!
Why did you get so wasted?
What is this "mavauis ton"?
I didn't get waisted, but
consumed a little bit of digestif as an aperitif.
In short...
The face of the restaurant is delivered
and I'm ready to sell it.
No, in this state you won't get to see the guests.
And you won't get married
if you keep clutching like this!
Chef, good afternoon.
Here is your chicken-butt on a white horse.
Don't you dare!
Please, do something with this drunk monster,
before he goes to the guests.
Chef, I have an idea.
Let's go to inspect the bar.
I have a better idea.
Let's go to inspect the bar.
"Claude Monet"
Chef
I-I...
I can't...
I won't succeed.
(super-chef) You'll succeed...
You are sous-chef.
And it means super-chef!
Yes, I can do it.
I can do it for sure, I'll do it that...
- Leva, do you need to wash anything?
- Ainura....
Oonne mmore time you come in like this,
and I'll need to for sure!
- Vika, can I have a few words with you?
- Yes, of course.
- Do you like everything, Diana?
- Yes, everything is wonderful.
- And where is my gift?
- Excuse me?
Where is your famous сhef
that my husband promised to me?
The thing is he's really busy.
Today he has to be busy
only with me and my guests.
- Yes, but...
- Vika, I like you...
and I'll be very.... very sad
if you have to search for a new job.
Ok... I'll find him now.
Thanks, you are so nice.
And you are such a bitch.
Max, have you seen chef?
If you are talking about 100 kg of meat
soaked in cognac,
then it's here.
- My God!
- Voila!
Vitya, Vitya!
Vitya, get up! Vitya!
Abonent Chef cannot answer your call,
he cannot do anything now,
shake him a little bit later.
Max, it's not funny for me.
Birthday girl asks for chef urgently.
Let's call the strongest waiters
and serve the chef to her...
with basil and parsley.
Max, I'm fed up with you kindergarten.
You don't take anything seriously.
I'll lose my job now,
and you are having fun.
Why the hell do I even need you,
such a funny guy?
- I'm an optimist.
- It's not an optimism already, it's an idiocy!
And where is the chef
that was promised me "in a second"?
- The thing is...
- I was about to see you.
Hello.
- Max, what are you doing?
- Saving your beautiful ass.
Let me introduce myself...
My name is Maximilian.
Chef of the restaurant "Claude Monet".
- You are so young and already a chef?
- Talent does't have an age.
- Please....
- Interesting...
And here it gets broken
and 1,5 tons of fish falls on me!
- Seriously?
- Yes!
(Something in Kyrgyz)
Of course. Later I was taking this tuna
even out of my panties
Is my "Turbot with asparagus" ready?
Yes, it's ready, ready...
It's just need to be fried.
"Hello, is waiter with bechamel sauce ready?"
Leva! The client has been waiting for a fish
for one hour already.
And this storyteller keep gabbing.
- So in short, at a certain moment...
- Fedia...
- B-be sso kkind....(Stammering).
- Leva, don't bug me, ok?
Go, go, go...
But this is not interesting, now I'll tell you how I....
Do you want to be chef?
Then be like Chef!
So I'm walking on the beach,
a little bit drunk of course....
Listen you, invalid!
Shut your mouth,
take the knife and cook the fish!
- No, I heard it wrong. So then I...
- Why did you freeze, halibut?
I said "Work"!
"WORK" I said!
Why did you freeze?
It applies to everyone, Kunstkamera!
Work, pickles!
So in short, Depardieu finishes my ratatouille
and says:
"Maximilian, jeez, it's nuts,
but even my mama can't cook ratatouille like this!"
- Did he say exactly "it's nuts"?
- Well, yes.
Of course, just in French.
Since then we are friends with Gerard.
Either he calls me, or I call him.
Thanks. So ladies, cheers.
- For Depardieu!
- He is cool!
Maximilian, tell us more.
With pleasure.
Once in Paris...
Excuse me,
but I need to go and stir my bechamel.
Ca you feel a burning smell?
Hello, Vika.
Nagiev (surname) is here.
Let's meet next to the body.
Good afternoon. Hello, hello, hello.
Dianochka, you are beautiful as always.
You are blooming, and smelling nice
Mmmm... such an expensive smell...
What is it? Oil?
Dimochka, you are so funny.
I always try to remember your jokes
and always forget.
By the way we've already met your chef.
Oh, my God!
He is super! So handsome!
Who are you talking about?
Maybe he got shaved finally.
- Vitya, wake up, I beg you! Vitya!
- Chef, wake up! Chef!
He is so sociable!
- Chef, get up!
- (Drunk gibberish).
And just a cutie!
By the way I got
as a present the book of rare french recipes.
Could your Chef cook something
from this book right in front of my guests?
I don't know who you are describing,
but if it's him and he is in a such good mood,
then I think yes.
Who are you?
Get out !!!
I'm sleeping.
"Fleming's filet mignon"
and "Langouste a la France".
Gentleman! "Fleming's filet mignon"
and "Langouste a la France"
Jacque, you broke my heart, dirty player!
Forget my phone number!
Forget that I have a phone!
Louis, stop your lamentations of Jaroslavna
(from rus. poem "The lay of Knight's Igor Campaign")
and get back to desserts.
What are you gawking at, invalids?
Back to work!
- Chef!
- Vitya!
Chef, get up! Get up!
It's pointless!
He won't wake up,
even if they declare third world war.
Vika!
Where is the fat one?
Maximilian, you are here!
And we are looking and looking for you
and you are hiding here.
We want you to cook for us
a little masterpiece from old french cuisine.
Diana, chef also should have a rest
between the masterpieces.
I'll explain to you everything later,
Dmitrii Vladimirovich.
I'll kill you later.
Diana, what are you doing here?
Get back to the guests.
And we'll have a small business meeting.
Please.
Maximilian, I'm waiting for you.
And I'll join you very soon.
Here is the hole, it's here.
Are you stupid or what?
What's happening here? What's happening?!!!
Here!
Oh, my God! What is it?
Dima, it's me.
Everything is under control.
- Mama mia!
- Viva catering!
Birthday Girl wanted to see chef,
and chef wasn't here and we..
Because of you, I'll be burying my career
in front of this ragtag now.
Thank you, guys.
Dmitrii Vladimirovich, wait.
Vika has nothing to do with it. I did it.
Of course you can fire me....
But let me better cook this french dish...
Stay calm! Don't panic!
Daddy will get up now and do everything!
- Stop talking.
- With my own hands!
I don't want even see you.
There is a recipe.
With recipe it's not difficult.
That's right, ah?
With recipe any idiot can do it, right?
If there's a recipe, it's easy, ah?
Ok, I really beg you ...
God help you!
Boy, do it!
So if no one needs me,
even to this bold social-climberю
I'll get back to work.
Leva, the client found
a sim-card in his dessert.
What are you thinking about, tell me?
In short, he demands to see Chef.
You have to go.
I-I-I-I wwwwill nnnot go (stammering).
What do you mean you won't go?
You are chef today, so go and sort it out.
I-I-III'm nnnot cchef,
I-I-Iii'm ssss... sss.....sss....
Levochka, I see that you scared,
but you have to sort it out, understand? Go!
I'm not sss... Louis?!
Louis! Is dessert yours?
So you should go to the client.
Go, go, go...
Why are you staring at me?
Whoever screwed up, has to answer.
Work, invalids!
You are an invalid yourself, Leva!
Dear friends!
One minute of your attention!
I want to introduce to you the best chef of Moscow,
the specialist of french cuisine....
Maximilian.
Maximilian has kindly agreed to cook for us
an old french dish from this book.
I chose this one.
Here everything is in french,
but I'm sure it's not a problem for our chef, right?
- Si.
- Si?... Idiot!
"Si" is in italian, in french it's "Oui".
So what will you do?
Easy, I'll cook it from the picture.
You can see here everything.
The most important, it has to look the same.
Obviously she has never tried it before.
Of course I've never tried this dish.
But Jacque, our business partner and friend,
has tried it before.
Jacque, s'il vous plait here.
Bonsoir Mesdames et Messieurs.
Jacque knows everything about french cuisine
and he'll help us to evaluate
what Maximilian cooks for us.
French came when it was least expected.
I wish young chef luck.
Well... Let's start.
What is this shit in my dessert? Ah?
Because of you I almost lost my tooth.
Excusez-moi s'il vous plait.
First of all you have to learn Russian.
Why did you come here?
So people would break their teeth?
Poor, Louis.
Chef is not here
and no one can protect him.
(Speaking Kyrgyz)
Now I'll make you swallow it.
- No, no, no...
- Goddamn Napoleon!
Leave the pastry chef alone!
- And who are you?
- Me? I-i'm Chef.
And I'm responsible for everything
that happens in the kitchen.
- And if you have any complaints...
- Complaints?! I have...
Here!
Let's go!
Clowns!
Leva, merci.
Delicious dessert.
Is it with cognac?
Guys, guys...
Let's hurry up,
we still have three dishes.
We'll do everything now.
What are you waiting for?!
Chef said to speed up!
Well done, Leva-chef, well done!
Well, time to switch on terminator's mode.
"Beef tenderloin"
"Foie gras"
"Potato pie"
"Pumpkin puree"
"Raspberry" "Blackberry"
"Caramel sauce"
Well, I'll figure it out. Let's go.
"Onion"
Well now, let's try it.
Jacque! Jacque?!
I got him, I got him!
Jacque, where are you?
(Blabbering in french)
Here, Jacque is delivered
and ready for consumption.
And who are you?
- Neighbour.
- Ours?
No. His.
Imagine, we were living
on neighbouring streets in Paris.
- Tell her, Jacque.
- Viktor was my neighbour in Paris.
(Speaking french)
Hold on with kisses,
first eat this.
It's for you, try it.
Very delicious.
It's good to eat (french accent)
Well done, chicken butt.
You almost succeeded,
but there should be lamb, not beef.
Why don't we get
something alcohol-containing, Jacque?
To France!
To France!!!
Singing the Marseillaise.
Let's excuse Jacque,
it seems he had enough without our dish.
Well then, I'll be a taster.
It's... devine.
It's your luck, cook.
Dmitrii Vladimirovich, it's our luck.
Bravo!
Maxim is good, he helped Vika.
And she told him lots of nasty things
and she is very ashamed.
And how will she make things right now?
Well, like this.
And who am I?
Croissant or celery?
You are definitely croissant,
I don't eat carbs.
Thank you, my brave croissant.
Dima, don't be silent,
you make us scared.
And it's time to go home,
everyone is tired.
And what are you tired of?
What are you tired of?! Of drinking every day?!
- Tired of hitting the bottle?
- By the way, do you know how tiring it is?
If you want Dima, I'll go for medical treatment.
And what will you treat?
Screw-it-all attitude?
They can't cure it, they can not.
- Then... this one...???
- L-l-lev... (stammering)
L-l-lev, the king of our garbage,
why are you tired, L-l-lev?
Tired of being rude to our clients?!
Tired of screaming at politicians?
I didn't know
that he is a p-p-politician (stammering).
It doesn't matter
whether he's a p-p-politician or just a passer-by!
First of all for us he is... who???
- G-g-guest.
- G-g-guest!
And g-g-guest is always ...what?
He's always r-r-right. Yes?
This is it.
And if you work like this, L-l-lev...
Then to reach the position of Chef,
you need as long as
a burger place to become our restaurant.
Now, you...
Victoria...
Yes, Dima, we let you down,
but Vika was working the whole day,
It's not her fault.
Why are you "Matrosov" (soviet war hero)
going at a gun machine?
Unlike you,
I called her out not to scold, but thank her.
Thank her for that guy that cooked.
If it wasn't him,
now we would sit here in pants full of shit.
We would be screwed totally.
I'm so tired of all this.
French poorhouse.
I'll sell it the hell out.
I'll buy something worthy.
What should I buy, ah?
Pharmacy?
Aha, pharmacy, yea.
No, I'll buy dry-cleaning.
Oh, my God!
Pharmacy!
Why are you eavesdropping?
Standing here with your ears on the door!
Why did you stood up for me? Feel ashamed?
I didn't want to continue this execution.
Chef, I'm sorry.
Apparently I couldn't handle it.
Leva, of course
it's not good to fight with guests
But Chef is responsible
not only for good food.
First of all
Chef is responsible for his team!
And you acted today as a real Chef.
You handled it.
Well done.
Responsibility is something really strange.
On one hand we are scared of it.
And on the other hand,
thanks to it we earn respect.
We get closer to each other.
Victoria Sergeevna, let me lie down
and we'll get to carnal pleasures.
And after doing something irresponsible,
we come to right conclusions.
That's it,
I'm not drinking at work anymore.
I'm not drinking at work anymore.
This decision has to be celebrated.
Or we don't.