Kongen befaler (2019–…): Season 4, Episode 10 - Hei hei mel - full transcript
I can not think!
Did the others understand this?
A warm welcome to Kongen Befaler
where five participants compete
for the King's Medal of Merit.
No, not the one you get for lifelong
efforts for the good of society,
but the one you get for heroic efforts
in solving annoying and demanding
tasks: a bust in gold... of me!
And with me I have Olli Wermskog.
-Yes. Thanks.
Olli, you have probably never done
anything special for the service of society,
but you've done a lot for me.
-Yes, someone has to take that job too.
Yes, you do appreciate that job enormously.
Enough about you. Let us rather
turn our eyes to our five participants.
Steinar Sagen!
Ida Fladen!
Amir Asgharnejad!
Einar Tørnquist!
And Solveig Kloppen!
Very nice to see you all.
Now to something that is not so nice
for everyone. We must see the standings.
How are we really doing?
Yes, look here...
Things have happened here.
There is an intense fight at the top.
There is one point that
separates Einar and Steinar.
Solveig, now you're at the bottom.
You haven't been there until now.
Yes, but I have a very good feeling today.
Hold on to that. You may need it.
-Do I?
Absolutely. Great, then we have
summarised their fates.
We'll start with the first task.
The first task is, as always, a prize task
where the participants have been asked
to bring something in a given category.
What is today's category?
Today's category is:
Bring something that is
uncomfortable for Atle to look at.
Yes, who do we start with?
Now I became very unsure.
Shall we start with...
who do I believe is the kindest?
Steinar, can't we start with you?
Go easy on me.
Yes, I can start.
[Brace yourselves...]
I have brought something inside this mason jar.
But first I just want to say that I
have been in contact with your wife, Atle.
Hanne, who I know a little.
We have a very good rapport.
I got her to reveal what you ate last Saturday.
So what I have done is that I
have included the things you ate.
I have copied the menu and chewed it myself,
and then spat it back into the jar.
I can say first what you ate.
Two crispbreads with "mackerel in tomato" [bread spread],
a cup of coffee and a glass of milk, for breakfast.
Then you ate a double Quarter
Pounder menu at McDonald's,
with french fries and Coke Zero.
I didn't think she knew about that.
-She knew that.
Then there was a double espresso there.
Then you finished with even more
soda and popcorn in the evening.
So I chewed all that and
spat it back into this jar.
Oi!
Mackerel in tomato on crispbread at
the bottom, then there is popcorn on top.
Then there is a Quarter Pounder
menu located here, roughly.
This has become a kind of smoothie.
No wonder I often have stomach issues.
That's what a normal Saturday looks like in your stomach.
-Yes.
Can I ask you something?
Should it be uncomfortable for us too?
To me, it's just nice if
you also think it's horrible.
Maybe I should do something about my diet.
If you didn't think that was uncomfortable, Atle...
-Don't open it close to me. Go over there!
Do you think it's uncomfortable?
-No!
It has been on the kitchen
counter for two days. God damn!
I was just a little hungry.
-No, God... Now.
That's how it would have tasted
if you were on the other end of me.
There was some stomach acid as well.
I also think that was uncomfortable.
-I would say that the task is solved.
Thank you.
-Thanks.
Yes, Ida.
If there is anything left of you.
-Yes. I have gone a different route.
But I have also contacted family
members and done some research.
I've talked to both of your sons. Nice boys.
I have to do something about
that family of mine, I reckon.
They gave me some tips on
what you strongly dislike.
Now I'm starting to sweat.
-It's a different route.
But it will probably trigger
some other things. I have this.
It hangs on the wall like that.
-Slightly crooked.
Slightly crooked.
What are you thinking?
-There is a lot I don't like.
I really like things that hang straight.
Then I am very fond of a well-kept
garden. I must say that it is...
Whose garden is it?
-It is mine.
So it can't hang straight.
-No, it can't. I also thought...
When you are going to hang it up,
you can nail in this screw
with this wrench.
Then it will be great.
It's possible that I feel a little exposed.
Do you feel a little uncomfortable?
I like tools that fit the task.
I feel discomfort.
Please put it down, face down.
That lawn bothers me too.
Fantastically solved.
-Thanks.
Amir.
-I also called your family.
No, you didn't. Get out of here.
-But they didn't pick up the phone.
So I have brought a hard drive.
It's my hard drive.
On that hard drive I have...
I hired someone to make a little video.
A gif for you, which is on this.
You can roll the film, and
I hope it's uncomfortable.
It's the butt of Einar Tørnquist.
A question: What's happening to me in the back there?
You like what you see a lot.
-I'm starting to drool and blush?
I can appreciate that.
-You're welcome.
I did not think we would see that ass again,
but really, here it is again.
To the butt's proud owner, Einar.
-Hi.
What do you have with you?
-I called...
No, I haven't called anyone either.
I have a little something under here.
No, something mysterious has happened here.
Let's watch a little film.
[Ugh... brace yourselves again...]
Hi.
Hey, Atle. I'm sitting at home thinking:
What can be a bit gross for Atle to see?
That one there, maybe.
It's a little nasty if I take it off.
Do you think that was gross to watch?
I don't know. What do you think, Atle?
Was it gross?
It was very painful, so I hope it was gross.
It was...
I was supposed to bring something, but it's gone.
Can you check your pocket?
In your jacket.
Damn.
-I might have dropped something into it.
Is there anything...
-Snuff.
That's yours. That was uncomfortable for me.
Is there anything there, then? No!
Turn it.
-No no no.
Fucking hell.
-There you go, Atle. It's for you.
You can do whatever you want.
-Oh, is it my nail?
To have and to hold, or?
-I've amputated it for you.
That you did this just for me.
That's generous.
It's too much.
-Put it next to your bust.
I'll put it in the back there.
Jesus Christ.
Solveig.
-Yes.
I did not call your wife.
-Thanks.
Yet.
-We're calling her now.
I have posted a picture of you on Instagram.
You didn't.
-We can look at it.
Then we can scroll down a bit.
-It's not a great photo, but it's not...
It's not a crisis.
Look how many who have...
People get so angry.
I'll remove the post if I get five points.
No, fucking hell.
Blackmail.
-This is a dirty game.
You won't let yourself be blackmailed, right?
-You can't let yourself be blackmailed. For God's sake.
Getting that label is...
-You get five points, Solveig.
No!
Thank you.
Yes, that was five.
Then you have some more.
Fucking hell.
-It was uncomfortable.
I'll just hand out some points.
I'll give Einar one, Steinar two, and
Ida three. Then I'll give four to Amir.
There, I've done it. Then I'll
sort it out with Solveig afterwards.
Yes, then the standings are
unfortunately like this so far.
Why did I get so many points?
-I wouldn't bother to dig into that.
There are some questions I never stop pondering.
Are we alone in the universe?
Does humanity have value?
What can be pushed through a bicycle inner tube?
These are big questions. We can see
if we get the answer to one of them.
Hey, hey, guys.
-Good day.
An inner tube.
Skeptical?
-Yes.
"Get the biggest item through the inner tube."
"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now."
How do you measure the biggest?
-Well, the biggest.
Like you're bigger than me?
-Yes.
Yes, the participants have to get a
large object through an inner tube.
Ready for some raw power
and medium cleverness, Atle?
Sounds like something I could love.
-Then let's start with Steinar, Ida and Einar.
This should go pretty smoothly.
This is...
It will be too easy.
There. That's a decent backup.
It can be a long object.
It can be a very long object.
That's a good starting point.
-All right, then we've found that out.
No, I'm thinking of making
the biggest item possible first.
I'm seeing three barrels.
While I'm working on these idiotic barrels,
Steinar must have come up with
something completely ingenious.
Ok...
Then we have one there.
I'm a little concerned that it might fall apart.
I mean, and I think I have Atle
with me, that if it falls apart
as I elegantly send it through,
then it's not approved.
Okay, then it's really just a matter of
pulling things through. Now this is through.
And now this has gone through.
And it's through.
Quick question: Do I have
to use the remaining time...
To move it through the tube, yes.
-No!
Two minutes left.
-Oh ok.
A long thing equals a big thing and
it's easy to get through a rubber hose.
Then I can just move the hose like that.
-Yes.
People haven't thought of this.
But I figured it out!
How much time is left, Olli?
-Twenty seconds.
"Find a straw and thread it on", they say.
Alf Prøysen says so. [Folk song by Alf Prøysen]
There you have it.
-Great.
Task solved, problem gone.
All this went through.
-Yes, you got all these things through.
Yes. This unit, you mean.
Which has now divided into more things.
There you go.
-Thanks.
I'll point at both of you!
-I nailed it.
Yours was just long.
-It's huge when it's long!
But it was in volume.
-I'm winning this one,
so there is nothing to discuss.
-Have you measured the volume of mine?
I'll start with Steinar.
We'll say you get the grill approved.
Then we won't talk any more about it.
It was a unit. [Norwegian: oneness]
-It was a fifteenness.
It was a unit of many different parts.
Yes.
And so?
-It was a bunch of trash.
I think you should be glad you
took that grill through as backup.
Not very glad, but a little.
At least you're still in the game.
What do you call the object you made, Ida?
-What do I call the object?
Barrel-sofa.
-It looked like a sofa with barrels in it.
Barrelsofa, I said.
Without hyphens. One word
It's still more than one thing even
if you've wrapped duct tape around it.
No, because it's put together.
I thought about that. I spent a
lot of time taping it together.
It's a bit like buying something from Ikea.
Then there are 500 parts in the package,
but it's only one thing in the end.
Then it's a cupboard, for example.
So it's clear that the tape helps
to make it one thing. It sure does.
That helps you too, Einar.
I know that Einar agrees.
Because you mean that a long object
is also a large object, right?
That's what I mean.
-A long pipe is the same as a large pipe.
Yes, I would say that.
-"I would say that. Now."
Yes.
-It's true that it has become one unit.
So you must get approval that
you have solved the task correctly.
But we'll come back to
whether you've won or not.
We'll take a short break.
We'll be right back.
We have two left. If I know you well,
Amir, you've been thinking outside the box.
What did you say?
I haven't done anything.
We can take a look at it.
Maybe it's outside the box, maybe it isn't.
Inner tube.
Okay, Olli. I'm ready. I'm finished.
I've turned the inner tube into a
creature, and used my friend, mythology,
to write a tale on getting the
largest thing I know through the tube.
Which is the globe.
"Inner Tube."
[Literally: Bicycle snake]
"There once was a globe."
"She had been through many different time periods."
"She had been through dinosaur times and humanity."
"But shortly after humanity
died due to global warming,"
"a new creature appeared:"
"the bicycle snake."
"This time period was called
the bicycle snake period."
"The bicycle snake was a snake
that could ride a bicycle."
"It did not last long, because the
bicycle snake was not good at cycling,"
"and died after a few months."
"That way, the globe went through
the bicycle snake [inner tube] period."
Thank you.
No.
-No.
You have high expectations
of my openness and tolerance.
You have invited me to this programme.
Yes, but don't make me regret it any more times.
Because now I regret it a bit again.
Since this one was too much, you see.
I can't get on board with that.
-All right.
So, well... This was crap.
No.
-Yes.
It's probably too highbrow for me.
Well, well. We have one left.
Yes, we have Solveig. I just want to
ask her: now that you've seen the others
do you think there are any other ways to do this?
-Yes, an absolutely brilliant way.
I think we'd better just have a look.
-Yes.
What is "through"? If I cut through
it all the way, and lay it out...
Then, for example, I roll that plant through it.
Yes.
Now I'm popping it.
Okay, then I have...
If you could step on it.
Yes, I can do that.
Like that. Do you see now?
-Yes.
I imagine that several of the
others are struggling with
pulling a thread through the hose.
That they have not realised
they have to open it.
Into the valve, sort of.
Yep!
Yes.
Honestly, I don't think there is
any smarter way to solve this task.
Satisfied?
-Yes, very.
Thank you.
-Lovely.
Yes.
What is fascinating and quite incredible,
is that you have managed to make sure
that Amir doesn't lose the competition.
I never imagined that would happen.
I didn't believe in Amir at all, but there it was!
I thought I was in a bad position,
but I'm a winner here.
That Steinar...
You're even in the middle of the pack.
Very happy, because this was crap.
-I have to admit it, Solveig.
I wish you all the best. But remember
you love Amir, so you've saved him.
Do you have the order?
-The order has given itself.
It became very easy, suddenly.
Last place for Solveig.
Second to last for Amir's. You have to
celebrate that victory the whole evening.
I'm celebrating that victory every evening.
-Steinar, you're joining Amir's party.
You get three points for your hogwash.
Then there are two left who, to a
certain extent, have solved this brilliantly.
But we must take into account Ida's inconvenience.
You get four points, Einar, and you get five, Ida.
Then we see the position here.
In total after two tasks, the position is this.
Would you look at that! You are right up there in
the top. And you're in second place, Solveig. Fantastic.
We will now test the participants'
ability to guess, feel and understand
what the others are going to do.
Hey guys. Look at that, a red button.
Oh no. I feel I have to do it right away.
"Press the button second-to-last."
"The one who presses it last comes in last place."
"You may not leave the room
until you have pressed it."
"Your time starts now."
The task is to press the
big red button second-to-last.
But if you press last, you take last place.
It's a matter of waiting a long time,
but not too long.
Here it may be easy to
overestimate the other participants.
Or what do you think, Solveig?
I believe in Solveig.
-Thank you.
I love you, Amir.
-That helps a little.
What does that button do?
-Nothing. Let's look at all of them.
I imagine that Amir is a very patient type.
Steinar Sagen too.
"You may not leave the room
until you have pressed it."
I'll just be patient, then.
It's about patience.
Why did you press now?
-I don't want to press last.
I don't want to lose.
This becomes such a matter of probability.
I have no idea.
Goodbye.
Do you know how they used to executed people?
When they were to be beheaded,
they had to say 'Our Father'.
Then the executioner would cut their head off,
without them knowing, while they were praying.
The goal is to be about one second faster than
the one who is very last, which is Solveig.
Our Father,
who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy...
I think Einar Tørnquist can also wait a while.
He's the type who spends
his time practicing stuff.
Like what?
For example, to go through the ten best
goalkeepers of all time, in the world.
Ok, the ten best goalkeepers...
...of all time.
-Who are they?
Kevin Keegan. Thorstvedt.
Grodås.
-Frode Grodås.
Then you have...
Thank you.
I'll give you that, Solveig. You think
the very best of your competitors.
Can I just ask you, Steinar:
what were your tactics?
To not come last.
-No.
You came second last.
-I expected that.
Solveig came last.
You pressed right away, Steinar.
Close after you came Amir, then Ida.
So you take five points, Einar.
Congratulations.
Olli, there always is a pretty high spillage
and chaos factor in this programme.
But is it possible to turn up the
spillage and chaos factor a little more?
We can turn it to max. But I have to
warn my fellow gluten allergy sufferers
against disturbing scenes in this task.
Flour.
Or cocaine. It's flour.
"Move the most flour to the mixing bowl."
It's over there.
"You may not leave the terrace with the flour."
"Nor move the bowl."
-"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now."
This is a very recognisable
situation for all ordinary people.
How to transport ten kilos of flour strewn
on the terrace to a bowl on the lawn,
without walking on the lawn, and transporting it
there. It's everyday life for most people.
You may not know it. You are
celebrities and you are out of touch.
But such is everyday life and such
is the life of us ordinary people.
We're taking a short break and will be right back.
Who should we start with?
-Amir, Einar and Steinar.
I can leave the terrace.
The flour can't, but I can.
Perfect.
Do you see how great this is? If the others have
not done something similar, then they are stupid.
I hope no one has tried to throw the flour.
Throwing the flour isn't a bad idea.
Better to not take in too much water,
because then it will be too sticky.
Yes!
The dough seems to be a little
wetter than I had hoped for.
It's way too much water.
This is like pancake batter.
I can't throw this, Olli.
Fucking hell, that was stupid.
This is just a mess.
Yes, yes, yes.
This is a good solution.
I've got a lot of flour.
There is some water here too,
so it's possible to do better.
But I don't think many have done it better.
Would you look at that.
At least I didn't leave the terrace.
Shit.
No, damn. This is...
This is really awful.
Fuck.
No, this is...
Then I'll throw it in here.
You know what, I'm happy.
Some may not have done it at all.
Made a complete fool of themselves.
At least I did not.
I have to say.
-I nailed it.
What a wonderful chaos.
Funny that you say you didn't make
a complete [100%] fool of yourself.
It must be because you have
given it a maximum of 70%.
It couldn't have gone much worse.
It may have something to do with the fact that
I forgot that I couldn't leave the terrace.
I thought, "I'll at least
get some more in that bowl."
It's a tragedy.
-It looked so hopeless at the end there.
You looked like you were thinking:
"That's five points out the window"
At least I got to discover what
it's like to push pancake batter
over the grass with a broom. That's
something I wouldn't experience anywhere else.
No, that's true.
There are limits in your life.
-I hope so.
That was tiresome.
-It's the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
It was the very image of
someone who has lost faith.
When you stand there and shovel
the dough over the lawn.
It's an entertainment programme, isn't it?
-Yes.
And I feel entertained.
I'll give you that.
Five points.
-We'll move on to you, Einar.
You had a technique that worked pretty well.
But I did not get it smeared
all over the lawn, so...
You had read the letter carefully. It didn't say
that you were supposed to smear it all over the lawn.
That was not a prerequisite.
But it was the highlight of the evening.
Thank you.
-Do you want preliminary results?
Yes please.
-It is zero for Steinar.
Zero? I get a point.
-Zero grams.
Oh right, but one point.
-We'll see.
Then we have Amir, who didn't leave the terrace.
He got a small lump of dough of 80 grams.
Einar didn't leave the terrace either,
and filled the bowl with six kilos of flour.
Then we have two of them left.
-He is currently in first place.
We'll have a look at them.
-Yes.
Wouldn't that work?
You'll see that I've got this in the bag.
But is the slope high enough?
Yes, it fucking is! Sorry.
Now I'm puting the flour in here,
then I'm going to get the leaf blower.
Then I'll see if it works.
I think I'm onto something.
But I wish I had a little more control here.
"You may not leave the terrace with the flour."
Now the flour has left the terrace without me.
Now I am leaving the terrace.
Hello, flour. Bucket...
Let's go! Ok.
Huh?
That's fucking awesome.
I'll start crying if I talk now.
There isn't enough room for
all the flour I'm getting.
I can run to the kitchen and
see if I can find more flour.
Of course Atle Antonsen has wheat flour.
There you go.
Solveig excels in the grey area of the task.
But only just inside.
-What? Is that inside?
Yes. I buy the explanation.
-Are you also going to be inside now?
I did not leave, I slipped on the flour.
-No!
Before you defend what you have done,
shall we see it again?
Then if you will still fight...
If you are going to insist that
you did not leave the terrace,
then you have to remember that you
had a kilo of flour just on your hands.
As you walked around on
the grass, while shoveling.
It's not so important to me that I get points.
The most important thing is
that Solveig gets disqualified.
Because she's done so well lately.
So she doesn't deserve more.
No. I've realised that I
never want this task to end.
But we have to give some points.
-Steinar is at the bottom with one point.
He gets one point.
-That's cool.
That's what you've been fighting for.
-Ida gets two points with 14 grams.
It was that much.
-Yes, that's...
Amir gets three points with 80 grams,
and Einar gets four with his six kilos.
Solveig gets five points. You put
twelve out of ten kilos in the bowl.
That's five points. In total, we see
that the standings are like this.
Oi! Ida and Einar exactly the
same and Solveig in third place.
Amir too. It's really just you
who is helplessly lost, Steinar.
Everyone else has the opportunity
to run away with the victory.
You know what's going to happen now.
Just say yes.
-Yes.
On your feet. The last task
happens here in the studio.
Each participant has been given
a roll of tape and a container.
The task is to take the tape off the tape
roll and place all the tape in the container.
The core should not be in the container.
Time stops when you have
put the lid on the container.
Questions?
-No.
Ready, set...
-What the hell?
Talk nicely.
-Yes, it's complicated.
I don't understand.
How do you do it?
At least Solveig has found out.
I can't find the start.
-No, this is just a mess. What the heck!
How are you doing, Einar?
-I haven't got anything off!
Does anyone feel in control?
-Yes, I'm in control.
No, damn!
-Einar is starting now.
The tape split!
Ah I like that.
Look at that.
Rememeber that all the tape should be in.
Now there are three that are very close.
Four that are very close.
Now it's about getting the tape...
Yes yes!
Look at Solveig. Look how stressed she is.
There is no reason to give up now.
There are several points to be awarded.
There, done!
Finished!
You're not done.
-I am.
What are you saying?
-I say I'm done.
Lift up the container so we can have a look.
-What?
Just lift up the container.
Yes, you're covering something.
-Finished.
We will do a small double check,
and a summary down in the seats.
Yes. We have had a closer
look at the containers and tape.
We have given priority to those
who have unwound all the tape.
Very impressive effort.
Einar came to the table very late.
But when he first started, it went fast.
Did you get off all the tape?
-In hindsight, I should have taken off more.
It looked more impressive than it was,
since you have a few meters of tape left.
It's not that much, you see.
-But it's something.
Other than that, everyone got
the tape off except you, Amir.
How much did you get off?
-Not so much.
I panicked a bit when I
saw everyone put on the lid.
Then I thought it was better
to have some tape in the container.
You simply panicked too late.
-Yes.
Then the position from the bottom
to the top is as follows:
Amir, you get one point.
Einar, you get two points.
Solveig three points, and Ida four points,
barely beaten by Steinar with five points.
Congratulations.
Then we will look at the position today.
It is Ida Fladen who runs away
with the first prize. Come up!
And frolic in a bunch of things
that are uncomfortable to look at.
Overall, the position looks like this:
We are back next time with new
challenges for our five participants.
See you!
Original Norwegian subs:
Sunniva S Olsen (Iyuno-SDI Group)
Basic translation by:
/u/Sulimonstrum
Decent translation by:
/u/msbtvxq
Detailing by:
/u/Taskmastermaster
Did the others understand this?
A warm welcome to Kongen Befaler
where five participants compete
for the King's Medal of Merit.
No, not the one you get for lifelong
efforts for the good of society,
but the one you get for heroic efforts
in solving annoying and demanding
tasks: a bust in gold... of me!
And with me I have Olli Wermskog.
-Yes. Thanks.
Olli, you have probably never done
anything special for the service of society,
but you've done a lot for me.
-Yes, someone has to take that job too.
Yes, you do appreciate that job enormously.
Enough about you. Let us rather
turn our eyes to our five participants.
Steinar Sagen!
Ida Fladen!
Amir Asgharnejad!
Einar Tørnquist!
And Solveig Kloppen!
Very nice to see you all.
Now to something that is not so nice
for everyone. We must see the standings.
How are we really doing?
Yes, look here...
Things have happened here.
There is an intense fight at the top.
There is one point that
separates Einar and Steinar.
Solveig, now you're at the bottom.
You haven't been there until now.
Yes, but I have a very good feeling today.
Hold on to that. You may need it.
-Do I?
Absolutely. Great, then we have
summarised their fates.
We'll start with the first task.
The first task is, as always, a prize task
where the participants have been asked
to bring something in a given category.
What is today's category?
Today's category is:
Bring something that is
uncomfortable for Atle to look at.
Yes, who do we start with?
Now I became very unsure.
Shall we start with...
who do I believe is the kindest?
Steinar, can't we start with you?
Go easy on me.
Yes, I can start.
[Brace yourselves...]
I have brought something inside this mason jar.
But first I just want to say that I
have been in contact with your wife, Atle.
Hanne, who I know a little.
We have a very good rapport.
I got her to reveal what you ate last Saturday.
So what I have done is that I
have included the things you ate.
I have copied the menu and chewed it myself,
and then spat it back into the jar.
I can say first what you ate.
Two crispbreads with "mackerel in tomato" [bread spread],
a cup of coffee and a glass of milk, for breakfast.
Then you ate a double Quarter
Pounder menu at McDonald's,
with french fries and Coke Zero.
I didn't think she knew about that.
-She knew that.
Then there was a double espresso there.
Then you finished with even more
soda and popcorn in the evening.
So I chewed all that and
spat it back into this jar.
Oi!
Mackerel in tomato on crispbread at
the bottom, then there is popcorn on top.
Then there is a Quarter Pounder
menu located here, roughly.
This has become a kind of smoothie.
No wonder I often have stomach issues.
That's what a normal Saturday looks like in your stomach.
-Yes.
Can I ask you something?
Should it be uncomfortable for us too?
To me, it's just nice if
you also think it's horrible.
Maybe I should do something about my diet.
If you didn't think that was uncomfortable, Atle...
-Don't open it close to me. Go over there!
Do you think it's uncomfortable?
-No!
It has been on the kitchen
counter for two days. God damn!
I was just a little hungry.
-No, God... Now.
That's how it would have tasted
if you were on the other end of me.
There was some stomach acid as well.
I also think that was uncomfortable.
-I would say that the task is solved.
Thank you.
-Thanks.
Yes, Ida.
If there is anything left of you.
-Yes. I have gone a different route.
But I have also contacted family
members and done some research.
I've talked to both of your sons. Nice boys.
I have to do something about
that family of mine, I reckon.
They gave me some tips on
what you strongly dislike.
Now I'm starting to sweat.
-It's a different route.
But it will probably trigger
some other things. I have this.
It hangs on the wall like that.
-Slightly crooked.
Slightly crooked.
What are you thinking?
-There is a lot I don't like.
I really like things that hang straight.
Then I am very fond of a well-kept
garden. I must say that it is...
Whose garden is it?
-It is mine.
So it can't hang straight.
-No, it can't. I also thought...
When you are going to hang it up,
you can nail in this screw
with this wrench.
Then it will be great.
It's possible that I feel a little exposed.
Do you feel a little uncomfortable?
I like tools that fit the task.
I feel discomfort.
Please put it down, face down.
That lawn bothers me too.
Fantastically solved.
-Thanks.
Amir.
-I also called your family.
No, you didn't. Get out of here.
-But they didn't pick up the phone.
So I have brought a hard drive.
It's my hard drive.
On that hard drive I have...
I hired someone to make a little video.
A gif for you, which is on this.
You can roll the film, and
I hope it's uncomfortable.
It's the butt of Einar Tørnquist.
A question: What's happening to me in the back there?
You like what you see a lot.
-I'm starting to drool and blush?
I can appreciate that.
-You're welcome.
I did not think we would see that ass again,
but really, here it is again.
To the butt's proud owner, Einar.
-Hi.
What do you have with you?
-I called...
No, I haven't called anyone either.
I have a little something under here.
No, something mysterious has happened here.
Let's watch a little film.
[Ugh... brace yourselves again...]
Hi.
Hey, Atle. I'm sitting at home thinking:
What can be a bit gross for Atle to see?
That one there, maybe.
It's a little nasty if I take it off.
Do you think that was gross to watch?
I don't know. What do you think, Atle?
Was it gross?
It was very painful, so I hope it was gross.
It was...
I was supposed to bring something, but it's gone.
Can you check your pocket?
In your jacket.
Damn.
-I might have dropped something into it.
Is there anything...
-Snuff.
That's yours. That was uncomfortable for me.
Is there anything there, then? No!
Turn it.
-No no no.
Fucking hell.
-There you go, Atle. It's for you.
You can do whatever you want.
-Oh, is it my nail?
To have and to hold, or?
-I've amputated it for you.
That you did this just for me.
That's generous.
It's too much.
-Put it next to your bust.
I'll put it in the back there.
Jesus Christ.
Solveig.
-Yes.
I did not call your wife.
-Thanks.
Yet.
-We're calling her now.
I have posted a picture of you on Instagram.
You didn't.
-We can look at it.
Then we can scroll down a bit.
-It's not a great photo, but it's not...
It's not a crisis.
Look how many who have...
People get so angry.
I'll remove the post if I get five points.
No, fucking hell.
Blackmail.
-This is a dirty game.
You won't let yourself be blackmailed, right?
-You can't let yourself be blackmailed. For God's sake.
Getting that label is...
-You get five points, Solveig.
No!
Thank you.
Yes, that was five.
Then you have some more.
Fucking hell.
-It was uncomfortable.
I'll just hand out some points.
I'll give Einar one, Steinar two, and
Ida three. Then I'll give four to Amir.
There, I've done it. Then I'll
sort it out with Solveig afterwards.
Yes, then the standings are
unfortunately like this so far.
Why did I get so many points?
-I wouldn't bother to dig into that.
There are some questions I never stop pondering.
Are we alone in the universe?
Does humanity have value?
What can be pushed through a bicycle inner tube?
These are big questions. We can see
if we get the answer to one of them.
Hey, hey, guys.
-Good day.
An inner tube.
Skeptical?
-Yes.
"Get the biggest item through the inner tube."
"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now."
How do you measure the biggest?
-Well, the biggest.
Like you're bigger than me?
-Yes.
Yes, the participants have to get a
large object through an inner tube.
Ready for some raw power
and medium cleverness, Atle?
Sounds like something I could love.
-Then let's start with Steinar, Ida and Einar.
This should go pretty smoothly.
This is...
It will be too easy.
There. That's a decent backup.
It can be a long object.
It can be a very long object.
That's a good starting point.
-All right, then we've found that out.
No, I'm thinking of making
the biggest item possible first.
I'm seeing three barrels.
While I'm working on these idiotic barrels,
Steinar must have come up with
something completely ingenious.
Ok...
Then we have one there.
I'm a little concerned that it might fall apart.
I mean, and I think I have Atle
with me, that if it falls apart
as I elegantly send it through,
then it's not approved.
Okay, then it's really just a matter of
pulling things through. Now this is through.
And now this has gone through.
And it's through.
Quick question: Do I have
to use the remaining time...
To move it through the tube, yes.
-No!
Two minutes left.
-Oh ok.
A long thing equals a big thing and
it's easy to get through a rubber hose.
Then I can just move the hose like that.
-Yes.
People haven't thought of this.
But I figured it out!
How much time is left, Olli?
-Twenty seconds.
"Find a straw and thread it on", they say.
Alf Prøysen says so. [Folk song by Alf Prøysen]
There you have it.
-Great.
Task solved, problem gone.
All this went through.
-Yes, you got all these things through.
Yes. This unit, you mean.
Which has now divided into more things.
There you go.
-Thanks.
I'll point at both of you!
-I nailed it.
Yours was just long.
-It's huge when it's long!
But it was in volume.
-I'm winning this one,
so there is nothing to discuss.
-Have you measured the volume of mine?
I'll start with Steinar.
We'll say you get the grill approved.
Then we won't talk any more about it.
It was a unit. [Norwegian: oneness]
-It was a fifteenness.
It was a unit of many different parts.
Yes.
And so?
-It was a bunch of trash.
I think you should be glad you
took that grill through as backup.
Not very glad, but a little.
At least you're still in the game.
What do you call the object you made, Ida?
-What do I call the object?
Barrel-sofa.
-It looked like a sofa with barrels in it.
Barrelsofa, I said.
Without hyphens. One word
It's still more than one thing even
if you've wrapped duct tape around it.
No, because it's put together.
I thought about that. I spent a
lot of time taping it together.
It's a bit like buying something from Ikea.
Then there are 500 parts in the package,
but it's only one thing in the end.
Then it's a cupboard, for example.
So it's clear that the tape helps
to make it one thing. It sure does.
That helps you too, Einar.
I know that Einar agrees.
Because you mean that a long object
is also a large object, right?
That's what I mean.
-A long pipe is the same as a large pipe.
Yes, I would say that.
-"I would say that. Now."
Yes.
-It's true that it has become one unit.
So you must get approval that
you have solved the task correctly.
But we'll come back to
whether you've won or not.
We'll take a short break.
We'll be right back.
We have two left. If I know you well,
Amir, you've been thinking outside the box.
What did you say?
I haven't done anything.
We can take a look at it.
Maybe it's outside the box, maybe it isn't.
Inner tube.
Okay, Olli. I'm ready. I'm finished.
I've turned the inner tube into a
creature, and used my friend, mythology,
to write a tale on getting the
largest thing I know through the tube.
Which is the globe.
"Inner Tube."
[Literally: Bicycle snake]
"There once was a globe."
"She had been through many different time periods."
"She had been through dinosaur times and humanity."
"But shortly after humanity
died due to global warming,"
"a new creature appeared:"
"the bicycle snake."
"This time period was called
the bicycle snake period."
"The bicycle snake was a snake
that could ride a bicycle."
"It did not last long, because the
bicycle snake was not good at cycling,"
"and died after a few months."
"That way, the globe went through
the bicycle snake [inner tube] period."
Thank you.
No.
-No.
You have high expectations
of my openness and tolerance.
You have invited me to this programme.
Yes, but don't make me regret it any more times.
Because now I regret it a bit again.
Since this one was too much, you see.
I can't get on board with that.
-All right.
So, well... This was crap.
No.
-Yes.
It's probably too highbrow for me.
Well, well. We have one left.
Yes, we have Solveig. I just want to
ask her: now that you've seen the others
do you think there are any other ways to do this?
-Yes, an absolutely brilliant way.
I think we'd better just have a look.
-Yes.
What is "through"? If I cut through
it all the way, and lay it out...
Then, for example, I roll that plant through it.
Yes.
Now I'm popping it.
Okay, then I have...
If you could step on it.
Yes, I can do that.
Like that. Do you see now?
-Yes.
I imagine that several of the
others are struggling with
pulling a thread through the hose.
That they have not realised
they have to open it.
Into the valve, sort of.
Yep!
Yes.
Honestly, I don't think there is
any smarter way to solve this task.
Satisfied?
-Yes, very.
Thank you.
-Lovely.
Yes.
What is fascinating and quite incredible,
is that you have managed to make sure
that Amir doesn't lose the competition.
I never imagined that would happen.
I didn't believe in Amir at all, but there it was!
I thought I was in a bad position,
but I'm a winner here.
That Steinar...
You're even in the middle of the pack.
Very happy, because this was crap.
-I have to admit it, Solveig.
I wish you all the best. But remember
you love Amir, so you've saved him.
Do you have the order?
-The order has given itself.
It became very easy, suddenly.
Last place for Solveig.
Second to last for Amir's. You have to
celebrate that victory the whole evening.
I'm celebrating that victory every evening.
-Steinar, you're joining Amir's party.
You get three points for your hogwash.
Then there are two left who, to a
certain extent, have solved this brilliantly.
But we must take into account Ida's inconvenience.
You get four points, Einar, and you get five, Ida.
Then we see the position here.
In total after two tasks, the position is this.
Would you look at that! You are right up there in
the top. And you're in second place, Solveig. Fantastic.
We will now test the participants'
ability to guess, feel and understand
what the others are going to do.
Hey guys. Look at that, a red button.
Oh no. I feel I have to do it right away.
"Press the button second-to-last."
"The one who presses it last comes in last place."
"You may not leave the room
until you have pressed it."
"Your time starts now."
The task is to press the
big red button second-to-last.
But if you press last, you take last place.
It's a matter of waiting a long time,
but not too long.
Here it may be easy to
overestimate the other participants.
Or what do you think, Solveig?
I believe in Solveig.
-Thank you.
I love you, Amir.
-That helps a little.
What does that button do?
-Nothing. Let's look at all of them.
I imagine that Amir is a very patient type.
Steinar Sagen too.
"You may not leave the room
until you have pressed it."
I'll just be patient, then.
It's about patience.
Why did you press now?
-I don't want to press last.
I don't want to lose.
This becomes such a matter of probability.
I have no idea.
Goodbye.
Do you know how they used to executed people?
When they were to be beheaded,
they had to say 'Our Father'.
Then the executioner would cut their head off,
without them knowing, while they were praying.
The goal is to be about one second faster than
the one who is very last, which is Solveig.
Our Father,
who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy...
I think Einar Tørnquist can also wait a while.
He's the type who spends
his time practicing stuff.
Like what?
For example, to go through the ten best
goalkeepers of all time, in the world.
Ok, the ten best goalkeepers...
...of all time.
-Who are they?
Kevin Keegan. Thorstvedt.
Grodås.
-Frode Grodås.
Then you have...
Thank you.
I'll give you that, Solveig. You think
the very best of your competitors.
Can I just ask you, Steinar:
what were your tactics?
To not come last.
-No.
You came second last.
-I expected that.
Solveig came last.
You pressed right away, Steinar.
Close after you came Amir, then Ida.
So you take five points, Einar.
Congratulations.
Olli, there always is a pretty high spillage
and chaos factor in this programme.
But is it possible to turn up the
spillage and chaos factor a little more?
We can turn it to max. But I have to
warn my fellow gluten allergy sufferers
against disturbing scenes in this task.
Flour.
Or cocaine. It's flour.
"Move the most flour to the mixing bowl."
It's over there.
"You may not leave the terrace with the flour."
"Nor move the bowl."
-"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now."
This is a very recognisable
situation for all ordinary people.
How to transport ten kilos of flour strewn
on the terrace to a bowl on the lawn,
without walking on the lawn, and transporting it
there. It's everyday life for most people.
You may not know it. You are
celebrities and you are out of touch.
But such is everyday life and such
is the life of us ordinary people.
We're taking a short break and will be right back.
Who should we start with?
-Amir, Einar and Steinar.
I can leave the terrace.
The flour can't, but I can.
Perfect.
Do you see how great this is? If the others have
not done something similar, then they are stupid.
I hope no one has tried to throw the flour.
Throwing the flour isn't a bad idea.
Better to not take in too much water,
because then it will be too sticky.
Yes!
The dough seems to be a little
wetter than I had hoped for.
It's way too much water.
This is like pancake batter.
I can't throw this, Olli.
Fucking hell, that was stupid.
This is just a mess.
Yes, yes, yes.
This is a good solution.
I've got a lot of flour.
There is some water here too,
so it's possible to do better.
But I don't think many have done it better.
Would you look at that.
At least I didn't leave the terrace.
Shit.
No, damn. This is...
This is really awful.
Fuck.
No, this is...
Then I'll throw it in here.
You know what, I'm happy.
Some may not have done it at all.
Made a complete fool of themselves.
At least I did not.
I have to say.
-I nailed it.
What a wonderful chaos.
Funny that you say you didn't make
a complete [100%] fool of yourself.
It must be because you have
given it a maximum of 70%.
It couldn't have gone much worse.
It may have something to do with the fact that
I forgot that I couldn't leave the terrace.
I thought, "I'll at least
get some more in that bowl."
It's a tragedy.
-It looked so hopeless at the end there.
You looked like you were thinking:
"That's five points out the window"
At least I got to discover what
it's like to push pancake batter
over the grass with a broom. That's
something I wouldn't experience anywhere else.
No, that's true.
There are limits in your life.
-I hope so.
That was tiresome.
-It's the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
It was the very image of
someone who has lost faith.
When you stand there and shovel
the dough over the lawn.
It's an entertainment programme, isn't it?
-Yes.
And I feel entertained.
I'll give you that.
Five points.
-We'll move on to you, Einar.
You had a technique that worked pretty well.
But I did not get it smeared
all over the lawn, so...
You had read the letter carefully. It didn't say
that you were supposed to smear it all over the lawn.
That was not a prerequisite.
But it was the highlight of the evening.
Thank you.
-Do you want preliminary results?
Yes please.
-It is zero for Steinar.
Zero? I get a point.
-Zero grams.
Oh right, but one point.
-We'll see.
Then we have Amir, who didn't leave the terrace.
He got a small lump of dough of 80 grams.
Einar didn't leave the terrace either,
and filled the bowl with six kilos of flour.
Then we have two of them left.
-He is currently in first place.
We'll have a look at them.
-Yes.
Wouldn't that work?
You'll see that I've got this in the bag.
But is the slope high enough?
Yes, it fucking is! Sorry.
Now I'm puting the flour in here,
then I'm going to get the leaf blower.
Then I'll see if it works.
I think I'm onto something.
But I wish I had a little more control here.
"You may not leave the terrace with the flour."
Now the flour has left the terrace without me.
Now I am leaving the terrace.
Hello, flour. Bucket...
Let's go! Ok.
Huh?
That's fucking awesome.
I'll start crying if I talk now.
There isn't enough room for
all the flour I'm getting.
I can run to the kitchen and
see if I can find more flour.
Of course Atle Antonsen has wheat flour.
There you go.
Solveig excels in the grey area of the task.
But only just inside.
-What? Is that inside?
Yes. I buy the explanation.
-Are you also going to be inside now?
I did not leave, I slipped on the flour.
-No!
Before you defend what you have done,
shall we see it again?
Then if you will still fight...
If you are going to insist that
you did not leave the terrace,
then you have to remember that you
had a kilo of flour just on your hands.
As you walked around on
the grass, while shoveling.
It's not so important to me that I get points.
The most important thing is
that Solveig gets disqualified.
Because she's done so well lately.
So she doesn't deserve more.
No. I've realised that I
never want this task to end.
But we have to give some points.
-Steinar is at the bottom with one point.
He gets one point.
-That's cool.
That's what you've been fighting for.
-Ida gets two points with 14 grams.
It was that much.
-Yes, that's...
Amir gets three points with 80 grams,
and Einar gets four with his six kilos.
Solveig gets five points. You put
twelve out of ten kilos in the bowl.
That's five points. In total, we see
that the standings are like this.
Oi! Ida and Einar exactly the
same and Solveig in third place.
Amir too. It's really just you
who is helplessly lost, Steinar.
Everyone else has the opportunity
to run away with the victory.
You know what's going to happen now.
Just say yes.
-Yes.
On your feet. The last task
happens here in the studio.
Each participant has been given
a roll of tape and a container.
The task is to take the tape off the tape
roll and place all the tape in the container.
The core should not be in the container.
Time stops when you have
put the lid on the container.
Questions?
-No.
Ready, set...
-What the hell?
Talk nicely.
-Yes, it's complicated.
I don't understand.
How do you do it?
At least Solveig has found out.
I can't find the start.
-No, this is just a mess. What the heck!
How are you doing, Einar?
-I haven't got anything off!
Does anyone feel in control?
-Yes, I'm in control.
No, damn!
-Einar is starting now.
The tape split!
Ah I like that.
Look at that.
Rememeber that all the tape should be in.
Now there are three that are very close.
Four that are very close.
Now it's about getting the tape...
Yes yes!
Look at Solveig. Look how stressed she is.
There is no reason to give up now.
There are several points to be awarded.
There, done!
Finished!
You're not done.
-I am.
What are you saying?
-I say I'm done.
Lift up the container so we can have a look.
-What?
Just lift up the container.
Yes, you're covering something.
-Finished.
We will do a small double check,
and a summary down in the seats.
Yes. We have had a closer
look at the containers and tape.
We have given priority to those
who have unwound all the tape.
Very impressive effort.
Einar came to the table very late.
But when he first started, it went fast.
Did you get off all the tape?
-In hindsight, I should have taken off more.
It looked more impressive than it was,
since you have a few meters of tape left.
It's not that much, you see.
-But it's something.
Other than that, everyone got
the tape off except you, Amir.
How much did you get off?
-Not so much.
I panicked a bit when I
saw everyone put on the lid.
Then I thought it was better
to have some tape in the container.
You simply panicked too late.
-Yes.
Then the position from the bottom
to the top is as follows:
Amir, you get one point.
Einar, you get two points.
Solveig three points, and Ida four points,
barely beaten by Steinar with five points.
Congratulations.
Then we will look at the position today.
It is Ida Fladen who runs away
with the first prize. Come up!
And frolic in a bunch of things
that are uncomfortable to look at.
Overall, the position looks like this:
We are back next time with new
challenges for our five participants.
See you!
Original Norwegian subs:
Sunniva S Olsen (Iyuno-SDI Group)
Basic translation by:
/u/Sulimonstrum
Decent translation by:
/u/msbtvxq
Detailing by:
/u/Taskmastermaster