Kongen befaler (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 3 - Knipestag - full transcript

Welcome to Kongen Befaler,
the program where-

-five helpless but
charming participants-

-perform a bunch of tasks in
their desperate search for-

-the ultimate hunting trophy,
a bust in gold of me.

And with me, to keep track
of rules, meters, and times, -

- I have my faithful assistant
and functionary, Olli.

Thanks for that. Yes, yes, yes.

Always a pleasure to function both
for you and the Norwegian people.

We must not forget the five hopefuls,
who every week fight with beaks and ...

-Claws.
-For my approval.

Linn Skåber, Erik Follestad, -



-Jenny Skavlan, Egil Hegerberg, -

and Trond Fausa Aurvåg.

Yes. And so far
the position is this.

Look here. At the top is the
loosest cannon of them all.

Trond.

There is really no one at the bottom.
It is very even at the bottom.

Egil, Erik and Jenny.
And a small gap up to Linn.

He doesn’t get the throne when
he has 34 points and I have 33.

-He’s lying and tilting.
-I think we should say "thrones".

-You would have reigned yourself.
-Yes, I think you’re right.

Jenny, when it comes to
train of thought, -

-you only go for quantity
rather than quality.

-Is there a reason to change that?
-No, it's been a ...

I have had an identity crisis
from participating in this program.



You're not used to being in the middle?

No, and then I struggle with something
called being full of yourself.

-Yes, we have seen that!
-I have boasted a lot to the others-

-about how insanely good I
have solved various tasks.

So now I feel, almost for
the first time, shame.

I'm ashamed!
It's not a good feeling.

-You’ll need it today.
-I think so, too.

Hold on to the shame.
I think you should.

I guess we’ll just get
started with the first task.

Yes, and the first task is based on
the participants bringing things with them-

-in a category that you have determined.
-I have.

The things that today's winner
will take home to ...

-Take ... Own.
-And?

Today's task is to bring something
you have but don’t understand.

The task is understood, in that
they have the things with them.

We start with you ... Egil.
You’re first.

-What do you have with you?
-This here...

... I don’t have a clue about.
It looks like a sock, -

-but then it stops before
it gets to what you need ...

An ankle sock!
I was about to bring the same.

-It's an ankle sock, right?
-It's a sock that in a way ...

It's a sock that's too small.
It doesn’t fit.

It is a sock that tries to pretend that
you’re not wearing socks in your shoes.

It should look as if you’re
walking barefoot in your shoes.

-It's disgusting!
-Very disgusting. Well solved. Linn?

Yes, it's just a kind of weird thing-

-which can be placed in a wine
bottle if you don’t drink it all!

-And that...
-That never happens.

A bottle of wine is like spitting
a thirsty man in the mouth.

-But you...
-One bottle of wine, we can do it.

I don’t drink a third on Monday,
a third on Wednesday, -

-and end the bottle on Friday.
Don’t understand why I have it.

No, why you have it, or why it exists.

Good, the task is solved. Jenny?

Yes. I have something I don’t understand,
which I found in the garage.

-Yes, you don’t even know what it is?
-I have no idea.

-Isn't that a headrest?
-I'm wondering ... No!

Maybe it's a headrest where
you can look through-

-to talk to the driver, who Linn would
probably have had in all taxis.

"Yes then. Grünerløkka! [hip part of Oslo]
Do you know anyone there, or?"

"Where are you from?
Have you lived there all your life?"

-"Are you from Bøler [Oslo suburb], or?"
-It's like hearing Linn.

It's not a parody; it's an imitation.

I see what it is.
Doesn’t anyone else see what it is?

-Guess what it is, then.
-Something that belongs to a child seat.

I can answer where it should be.
On the leg, yes.

-It's for the legs, yes?
-So the kids can rest their legs on something.

-Is that it?
-Thank you very much, Olli.

I understand bullshit, but not you.

Who has so much space in the back seat
that they have room to push on the seat?

This doesn’t deserve the children.
Considering how troublesome children are, -

-they don’t deserve foot support to sit
behind and complain with their legs high.

You haven’t received any complaints about ...

They have such short legs that
they stand straight out anyway.

Erik? What do you have with you?

-I have my Bible with me.
-It's your Bible?

Yes, "to Erik" it says in it. I
got it around confirmation time.

And when I don’t understand things,
I tend to try to learn them.

I'm trying to challenge myself,
and now I'm not a theologian,

and I sin occasionally,
quite often in fact, -

-but I have tried to read a little of it.
There's a lot I don’t understand here.

There's a lot of lies here. And it may
well be that in the other religions-

-there are also a lot of pipes,
but this is the one I have.

-Trond. What do you have with you?
-I have ...

Do you have another owl lamp?
[He brought one for S03E02’s prize task]

Two owl lamps!

Hell! You're desperately
trying to get rid of them.

But do they reproduce?
Do they pair up?

I don’t know what they do during
the night, but they’re here.

-Yes, what will be the points?
-Erik, you get one point.

I don’t know exactly why,
but at least you got points.

Linn, two points. You get three.
I didn’t understand a thing, Jenny.

-That was the task!
-That's why you get three points.

Egil gets four points. That is,
the owls run away with five points.

It’s not possible to beat
the nightmare that stands there.

A full five points to Trond.

Now you're up and running again.

This shouldn’t just be a struggle.
We’re interested in having fun.

They should do things they enjoy doing.

In the next task, they will be allowed to do
something everyone likes. What does everyone like?

To burst bubble wrap!

-Hi.
-Is the task to get the task out?

-It remains to be seen.
-Like, I did it.

I'm going to try to keep my head cool.

"Break all the bubbles.
Fastest wins.

Time starts when
the first bubble bursts."

-What do you think?
-Now I think most of all-

-that I should keep a cool head,
so I haven’t started the task.

Here is just one possible solution.

I like that your head is
full of you getting together.

-More than you pulling yourself together.
-It requires a lot of brain capacity.

-Sounds like clear sailing?
-Time starts when the first bubble bursts.

So there are opportunities
to prepare well.

Egil determined that there
was only one way to do this.

It’s very tempting to see
the only solution that exists.

Then we look at the only
solution to the problem.

I think that when
Atle has bubble wrap, -

-it's stupid not to use it.
Perfectly adapted in width.

Like that. It looks good.

And we're up and running!

Good tools are half the job.
Thank you.

Yes, Egil, it turned out that the
only solution was an ass solution.

-You’re not taking it well.
-You think so?

-It was a very good solution.
-Remember this.

Bubble wrap is made
to withstand just this-

-when it is in layers on top of
each other. That's why it's made.

In addition, an off-road vehicle is made
for just this. Spreading the pressure over ...

In a way, there are two who distance
themselves from each other.

Minus and minus are pluses.

Sometimes it happens,
but not this time.

Good tools are half the job.
I have an official count, -

-and it turns out
that in this case,-

-good tools are only
23/8160 of the job.

-What?
-It's a kind of fraction.

It was a little worse
than I expected.

It can be simplified, the fraction.
It will be the same as "failed".

Yes yes, but to be "failed",
it was not so wrong.

Sounds good.

The tractor thus proved
to be a lousy solution.

-Shall we see the others?
-Then you get a feature-

-I have chosen to call
"The bubbles burst".

I don’t think it's smart to go
for a sharp thing like that.

I'm starting now.

Have you heard of the little
pancake that went down the road?

Yes! I have a great idea!

It keeps running.
How did it go? Wait.

No!

How do you keep your head cool?

It doesn’t work.

If you're going to watch TV
with the family, this is cozy, -

-but then I would have made it nice.
Sit like that and feed me.

Trond has not talked, for sure?

One and one line.

A kind of gourmet work.

No ... Is it a roll, or?

Yes, I think we say stop.

-Should I stop time?
-Yes.

-Yes?
-Yes.

Ok, have it, then.

-Goodbye.
-What are you doing?

We're just saying have it.
Shall we not?

Yes ... I'll probably take it with me.

-Take it with you, yes.
-It was heavy!

Very heavy!

Like that.

-Now I have stopped time.
-Ok.

You smile?

Yes, if all the others burst by hand, -

- I feel pretty confident of victory.

But if anyone has come up
with something smarter ...

-Because it’s not possible to burn it?
-I'm just burning it.

I should have thought
of this right away!

There we go.

Delicious! Damn blast in that fire.

Hell ... or ...
Maybe I should have thought of that.

Trond, you solve the task, and then
you come up with a smarter solution.

This isn’t the first time, either.
How about swapping the two things?

-So, make a plan, then solve?
-Yes, but I made a plan, -

-and then I went for it. And when you
go for it, then you go for it.

It's first and best?
Or first and worst, perhaps?

-Not bad there, but not the best.
-No.

Linn, you start by being
embarrassingly accurate.

-And talking and enjoying yourself.
-I try to.

Ended up trying to be quick.
There is never anything wrong.

The panic took me.
Especially when I saw it was a roll.

But at the same time I felt that ...
I know I have completed the task.

It didn’t say “can you burn
all these bubbles”.

I did as it said in the task.
"Can you burst these bubbles?"

So in that sense, I
have done better than Erik.

Enough of that!
Now you’ve robbed me of points again.

It's very funny that you think so.
It is masterfully delivered by Erik.

He solved the task with bravura,
and quite quickly as well.

-Do you want results, or?
-Yes.

They are as follows. In last
place, we know, is Egil.

-Yes!
-You didn’t complete it.

Then there is Linn, who didn’t finish,
but after all was better than Egil.

A few more bubbles went out.
We say it's okay.

Right across we have Trond.
You spent 17 minutes and 23 seconds.

-Did I stand there that long?
-You stood and sweated for quite some time.

Jenny, 9 minutes and 27 seconds.
Erik Follestad is 55 seconds.

-Oi!
-Super victory. Congratulations.

That was fun!

I'm the type of person
who is always evolving, -

-who always longs
to learn new things.

Not a day goes by without me
acquiring new knowledge.

Then we can see if any of the participants
can expand your vocabulary.

And now I'm excited about what
the hockey player will bring.

Chalk. The chalk is in my hand.

The clock starts ticking when
I have read what to write.

"Write a word on the board
that you think Atle has never said."

"The word must appear in a standard dictionary.
You have three minutes. Time starts now."

Let’s see...
A word Atle has never said.

Atle has never said ...

Kjøttpuck [meat patty], for example.

Kjøttpuck, you're a kjøttpuck.

Then I go for ... No, hell.

-What were you going for?
-Truseinnlegg. [Panty liners]

But it’s probably been said.

He's said ismaskin [ice machine], sort of.
Bryne [town], he has of course said.

-Svettetøy. [Sweatwear]
-One and a half minutes left.

Maybe some ladies' stuff.
I don’t know any women's stuff either.

A universe he doesn’t move in ...

Bolero!

Clutch-veske. [Clutch bag]
Did he say clutch-veske?

I might be thinking sentrifugalkraft [centrifugal
force]. Maybe he should have said that.

On the chemistry line, there was a
liquid with some substance

-as you put in another clear liquid,
it turned completely black.

And after 30 seconds only ...
then it was ready again.

I don’t know. Oscillating ...

I don’t think he said ...

I never thought I would need this.

It should be in a standard dictionary.

-Norwegian dictionary?
-Does it say that?

It doesn’t say that.
It says "in a standard dictionary".

I don’t think Atle can speak Spanish.

I don’t know Spanish either, but
I recently made a song in Spanish.

I'm using Google Translate,
so I'm not sure-

-if it’s in the dictionary, but
two underscores tend to help.

Yes, the participants have written a word on
the board that they think you have never said.

Then it's up to you to consider and
reward the word you've never said.

Yes, but first a
little advertising break.

Welcome back to Kongen Befaler.
I'm expanding my vocabulary.

All participants must say a word
I have never taken in my mouth, -

-but that is in a dictionary.
Who do we start with?

We'll get the first word of this-

-from one who has probably said more words
than all of us combined. Linn.

Now I have shame in me!

This word I can guarantee
that Atle has never said.

When I was little, I was preoccupied
with words and expressions, -

-but I could get words, so I
tried to invent a foreign word, -

-and it was “intrologi”.
It means nothing.

I know that Atle has never said that.
It's in my head. I won it!

Thanks for that.

It's a touching story, Linn.
Beautiful everyday poetry.

Childhood memories, roots ...
It's all there.

-And then it's wrong.
-I'm so annoyed.

Can you check if
it’s in a dictionary?

We have checked all the words.
It doesn’t appear in a dictionary.

-Shall we look at the next one? Trond.
-There will be zero points.

“Oscillating”

He looked incredibly confused.

-Yes, the look revealed me.
-It wasn’t such a stupid idea, Trond.

Yes, but is it in
a standard dictionary?

-It’s in the dictionary.
-It is, yes?

And you got it right. If I said it in
high school when I took chemistry, -

- I don’t remember it. It's not
a word I can remember using.

-Next?
-Yes, we’ll look at Jenny.

I understand you like it,
but I've said it many times.

-You have?
-I get hung up on things like that.

I considered writing “sorry”.
Is there anything you’ve said a lot?

-Or “thank you”?
-Funny, but points? Don’t know.

-I can’t promise it.
-Egil’s turn.

I obviously haven’t said this.

Regresara. Or regre-sara.

-Yes, because you know what that means?
-It’s probably "return".

So, for Jesus' return,
one would use “regresara”.

Of course you know
that word in Spanish!

-In Spanish, yes.
-Which in and of itself is correct.

It's found in another dictionary like that.
It is probably written with a piece of paper.

It's solved, and of
course I didn’t say it.

Admittedly, I knew someone named Regre.

Regre-Sara?

A city original in Lillehammer
that we called Regre-Sara, -

-but here it’s a different meaning.
-Then there's Erik, the hockey player.

Yes, I've been excited
about him all night!

-Knipsestag? [not a word]
-No, knipestag.

Knipestag?
It sounds very Oslo-esque.

He looks like Oslolosen [TV comedy character],
who’s probably invented a number of words himself.

I just want to hear.
What does it mean?

When you change the steel on skates,
you hit some nails, right?

Then you have to get on the skate,
push under, and “knipe” it, -

-so it unfolds inside,
so it’s held in place.

Then it's time for the knipestagen.
I understand that it sounds-

-like Oslolosen, but it’s used
throughout the country.

Let me ask before I hand out points.
Did you invent the word yourself?

You will have the opportunity to answer.
Are you completely sure?

-I'm absolutely sure.
-You are 100% sure?

Because we've checked this word.
It’s not in the dictionary.

Not on Google either,
so I ask one last time.

Are you absolutely sure that you
have not invented the word yourself?

-I...
-I think I have the info I need.

But you get points, Jenny, because you
had a word that is a real word.

Then you get three points.
And four points for Trond.

Then there will be a fiver for
he who goes all the way abroad.

Overall, so far today, we see
that it looks like this.

-Again, Trond is on top. Linn?
-I know.

-And I deserve it.
-You do.

-It was a real ass arrangement.
-You did well in the last round?

I'm lying and waking up a little,
so it's going to be a little exciting.

Now I feel in the mood
for a little Bible verse.

A little in the spirit of Erik
over here, so if you, Olli, -

-can quote Solomon's Proverbs
chapter 26 verse 27 for me?

I can do that. "Whoever digs
a pit will fall into it;

-if someone rolls a stone,
it will roll back on them."

That's actually quite correct.
Strong words.

Let's see a task with this theme.

-Good day.
-Good day.

"Tie the ropes together so that
Olli cannot get them apart.

You have five minutes.
Time starts now.”

So that we do not ...
Why is it so very long?

Why is it so long, then?
Is there any point in that?

Another letter!

"Deliver the red rope to Olli.
The rope must be complete, -

-and without tangles or knots.
Fastest wins.”

You tried to get me to make a knot there!

Yes, first they will tie a knot
that is impossible to undo, -

-and then they will open the knot themselves.
-It's a classic trick.

Let’s start with Linn and Egil.

Why not?

Follestad can do this,
because he just can.

I need to do something
smarter. Oh yes!

Because I can make it difficult for you.

-Is this the loose end?
-I think I have an idea.

I first tie them together
with a classic sailor’s knot.

-Relatively easy.
-Oi, oi, oi.

What's important now is that I do that.

Let’s see. I have to know
when it’s tight enough. Then I run!

Where are you going?

You have the key, yes?

-So great. Should I test it?
-Yes.

-You went to, but do you see this?
-Yes.

Follow it.

Oi!

"Deliver the red rope to Olli. The rope
must be complete and without tangles.

Fastest wins. Time starts now."

-I feel like Houdini.
-Oh well?

-Be so good, my friend.
-Thanks.

Then ... Like that!

Then I stop time. Thanks.

Sometimes it pays to be lazy.

Yes, that was elegantly resolved, Egil.
Now you have used the technique of Linn-

-by pretending to win, or
at least getting good points.

No, I was very happy there.

Did you think you had solved part one
very well before moving on?

-I thought so.
-You thought so.

No one gets a sailor’s knot.

Yes, but it's good.

Linn, you spent two minutes
and 19 seconds, -

-while the master of laziness,
Egil, used an impressive, -

-or maybe disappointing, 43 seconds.

Yes, it was quite a lot
of time just to open the knot.

Who do you want to see now?

I'm excited about the one
who tricked the task, Jenny.

I have high expectations, but
will these expectations be met?

We'll find out after the break.

Welcome back. We tie the knot, and
will see if Jenny's expectations are met.

She claims that she
has tricked the task.

Have you heard the fairy tale about
the tortoise and the hare, Jenny?

-Yes, I have. Don’t remember it.
-You don’t remember?

Because once you have mastered a task,
it is easy to become so happy-

-that you talk so much about how smart
you are that you forget that time passes.

I'll show a feature-

-I have chosen to call "the fairy tale
about the hare and Erik Follestad."

Why is this becoming difficult?
I have to merge them.

I cheated on the task, and you
thought you cheated on me.

So lovely!

I have never in my life thought thoroughly
about things before I do them.

And now that's my new philosophy.
Think twice. “Dos” times.

That kept me from falling into the trap.

But you know what? Fantastic task!
Especially for me.

For now the others are trying
to untie their own knot.

You know what? Follestad
is struggling now.

Tie it up here, then.
It’s melted duct tape.

Yes, let's see ...

-Fits well, then. Impossible to undo.
-Yes.

Do you see that rope here?

-You're welcome. Follow the rope.
-Should I take it?

"Deliver the red rope to Olli. The rope
must be complete and without tangles.

Time starts now.” No, damn it.
It says that the rope must be complete, -

-but that’s a question of definition.

It’s OK. The rope must be complete.
Without tangles.

And you get it now.

Without tangles and knots.
You're welcome. That's what it says!

When you come here, you hope that
you have made a bad knot.

Like that. A little further away,
as you do with a microphone.

-Like this?
-Yes, like that.

-Delicious! Don’t cheat a trickster.
-Don’t trick a trickster.

When I said "Don’t
trick a trickster" ...

I was afraid you didn’t hear it,
so I said it many times.

I said: "Did you guys hear it?"
I spent a lot of time and enjoyed myself.

Was it punished?
Are you still just as happy?

I'm still a little smarter than
the others, but not the smartest.

-I can say that.
-That's why you're in the middle.

I spend a lot of time
explaining how smart I am.

I could have just
taken it up fast, but no!

Oh yes!

But Jenny, I have to ask something.
You have to tie it, then loosen it, -

- but did you ever tie it?
-No! I found that letter first.

Did you find the second letter first,
did you skip an obstacle, -

-so that way she lay well for a period, -

-but whether there was a victory
is a completely different matter.

-You might want to know times?
-Yes.

Erik spent one minute and two seconds.

And Jenny spent one minute and 45 seconds-

-telling how much better she was than the others.
It was great. Then you solved the task.

I was very sweaty!

That rope, in the letter it
says that it should be ...

We haven’t reached the points yet.
We'll have to look at Trond first.

We look at Trond.

Are there any matches here?

Ouch.

The plan is to merge the ropes, -

-and maybe finish with shards of glass.

Maybe I should stop now.

Ow ow ow!

I'm going to crush this, and
then I glue it inside like that.

Yes, there I cut myself.

Like that. There.
Time's up. Let’s see.

No, I can’t undo it.

-What? Don’t try ...
-Yes, I can't get it undone.

Grab the red rope.

-Is it a trick?
-You can pull it off.

But what am I going to do? Ok.
It says I have to undo it.

Yes, that's what I knew.
That kind of nonsense. Typical.

Ok. With shards of
glass and everything.

Here it’s an advantage
to be bad at tying.

Until now.
For now, you have to be good.

It's hard to be good.
Shitty task!

Yes, there you stand in your
moonboots and enjoy yourself, -

-while I get my nails ripped.

-Yes.
-Like that. Ok.

-Like, please.
-Thanks.

-Thanks.
-Hi.

-Was there anything you didn’t injure yourself on?
-I burned myself, cut myself ...

And hit your head twice in the same place.

Pretty complete.

You spent seven minutes and 26 seconds
and two bandages solving the problem.

That’s more than one minute more
than the others combined.

It's not so bad.
What are we going to do with Erik?

What do we do with him? He was to
return the rope in its entirety.

-No no no!
-Yes yes yes!

It must be complete.
It wasn’t the whole red rope.

Complete and without tangles. He was given
a rope that was complete and without tangles.

No! He got a rope that
was originally complete, -

-but which was now incomplete
because 20 cm was gone.

Let's say this was a child:
“Return this child complete."

You can’t give an arm and say,
"This is the child."

-It's not like that!
-I could think of doing that.

-No, this doesn’t work.
-Erik, one point.

Trond, you get two points.
Linn, three points.

Let’s see here. Jenny, who can’t
be tricked, four points.

-And Egil, five points!
-Really!

And overall we can see
that it looks like this.

In total, Egil leads
by one point over Trond.

Then it’s exactly the same at the bottom.
There is only one task left.

A lot can change, and many points are often
awarded there, and it could happen here.

It will be interesting.

So we have food and participants
in beautiful union.

Now you are going to
build a tower of food.

It goes like this:
When it's your turn, -

-you pick up a food, call out a
completely different food-

-which is lying on the table,
then you must build a tower, -

and then shout the name of one
of the other participants, -

-the one you want to
forward the task to.

You lose immediately
if your tower breaks, -

-or if you shout the wrong name.

-So the one with the most points ...
-It's me, as usual.

It's you, Egil.
You will be allowed to start.

-that I'm calling your name,
and then you're off. Egil!

Egg.

Erik.

-No!
-Egg.

Linn.

Egg. Jenny.

Egg. Egil.

Egg. Trond.

Egg. Egil.

Bread. Linn.

Macaroni. Trond.

Egg.

Egil.

Egg. Linn.

Macaroni.

Jenny.

Egg. Egil.

Egg. Jenny.

Egg. Trond. Shit.

Egg. Linn.

Macaroni. Erik.

Banana. Linn.

Macaroni. Jenny.

Banana.

Trond.

-Egg.
-Shit.

Linn.

Macaroni. Jenny.

Orange.

-It fell there.
-Yes, but I shouted!

-There has been no shouting over here.
-No, I totally agree.

-Egil shouted a little once.
-I totally agree with that.

-You can sit down.
-You have been very strict before.

-Yes, I'm sorry.
-It goes a little in waves.

-It does.
-I'm just registering that, Olli.

Jenny? Call the name of one of the others,
and we'll start the next round.

Trond!

Egg.

-Yes, it's not hesitation, but groping.
-The groping cousin of hesitation.

Egil.

-No...
-Egil!

You didn’t shout or ...
You could have just put the bread down.

-I wanted height.
-You can sit down.

And when you have sat down, shout
the name of one of the three remaining.

-Erik!
-Egg.

-Linn.
-Macaroni! Erik.

Egg! Egil.

Egg. Linn.

I stop.
Unfortunately it was not shouting.

-You can sit down.
-I'm getting stricter-

-when it’s closer to the end,
which is now. Call a name, Egil.

Erik!

Egg! Linn!

Macaroni!

Then I have to stop you.
You shouted before you took the thing.

Gorgeous!

-We have a winner!
-It was deserved.

Yes yes.

We summarize the program at our seats.

-Shall we take the points?
-We can do that.

Jenny, one point. Bottom.
Trond, two points. Egil, three.

Linn, four, and Erik,
you got five points.

-That's correct.
-That’s good,-

-and that means that
today's winner is Egil!

He took the victory in the program!

Get up and enjoy things
you do not understand.

Enjoy all the gifts!
The position so far is this:

And we're done for tonight, but next
time more points will be awarded -

-with the same old gang. See you!