Kolchak: The Night Stalker (1974–1975): Season 1, Episode 5 - The Werewolf - full transcript
When a tax audit interrupts Vincenzo's plans to take a cruise ship vacation, he sends Kolchak in his place to follow up on a story about swinging singles. Kolchak becomes more interested in a series of mutilations that begin taking place on the ship, perpetrated by a creature that seems to be half man, half wolf.
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Admittedly, the story
you are about to read...
is bizarre, incredible.
Those of you who wish to avoid being
unsettled, who wish to avoid thinking...
will label it insane.
And though you, the reader,
would find these facts...
almost impossible
to substantiate,
that does not change
their nature.
Facts they are.
I know. I saw them happen.
Yellowstone County,
Montana, December 11.
Horrified local authorities
investigated the gruesome deaths...
of four area residents...
The Rockwell family...
mother, father and two children.
All had been discovered strewn
around their isolated farm...
their bodies mutilated.
An official coroner's report stated
they had been dead three days.
Cause of death?
Attacked by wolves.
Fact: The last sighting of a wolf in
Yellowstone County occurred in 1948.
Fact: In the entire history
of this continent,
there has never been
one documented case...
of attack by wolves
on a human being.
That year, Chicago was having
one of its worst winters in history,
but Christmas was merry.
Our office even had a party,
The first since Lindbergh soloed the Atlantic.
The festivities were
the idea of Edith Cowles,
our office mother and founder
of my favorite riddle column.
The Asian flu had decimated our staff,
but the party had accomplished its end,
that of bidding a fond adieu and
bon voyage to Tony Vincenzo,
who was finally taking a long-awaited vacation...
aboard the cruise ship Hanover.
He wasn't paying for
the cruise, of course.
He had wangled it
as his own feature story,
and the New York office
was picking up the tab.
No, no, no, that's in the office
next door. Will you shut up a minute?
Shh. Tony.
Hello, sir. No, it's not him,
sir. One moment. I'll put him on.
- What is it?
- It's New York. Will you get on the phone?
- Oh, oh.
- It's for you. Hurry up!
Okay.
You got it, Tony? Okay.
You gonna take it home?
Oh. Well, what time are they
gonna get here? What day?
A watch. A wristwatch.
Oh, I don't think so.
Jingle bells
Oh, what fun...
But I've had this planned months ago.
Well, doesn't anybody there
consider the fact that I haven't had...
What? You can't understand?
Wait a minute.
Doesn't anybody there
consider the fact...
that I haven't had
a vacation in five years?
Shh.
They want me to pick them up
at the airport?
Boy, that's gall for you. That was the
same airport I was gonna leave from.
He certainly doesn't look
like Old Nick, does he?
Now look. Couldn't I have the flu?
Couldn't you tell them that I'm sick?
Look, I need this vacation.
J-Just tell 'em I'm sick.
I'm already packed
and ready to go!
Uh-oh.
Kolchak!
- Yes, sir.
- How's that flu of yours?
- Bugs never get me, sir.
- Oh, I thought I heard you mention...
something about a
temperature, a queasy stomach...
- or something the other day.
- Me?
- Yeah.
- No, no, no, never.
- How come you never get sick, Kolchak?
- I must live right, sir.
Ron. Hey, you look pretty good,
Ron. How do you feel? What's this?
My column. I'd like you to look
it over so I can get outta here.
At 10:00 in the morning.
Where're you going?
The doctor, if you don't
mind. I think I'm getting sick.
How about all those
megavitamins you've been taking,
and the massive doses
of Vitamin "C"?
They're making me sick.
How would one-week, all-paid-expense
cruise on the Hanovermake you feel?
Worse. I have a bad time
with seasickness.
Everything makes you sick,
doesn't it? You're seasick. Airsick.
Don't drive your car
more than 30 miles an hour.
You know, a reporter
has to travel, Ron.
Please, I would like
to go to the doctor.
Go. Go. Only don't let
them put you in a wheelchair.
You'll probably start
bleeding from the ears.
Okay, okay, Kolchak.
You got it. You win.
Aw, Tony, I'm sorry about that.
You had this vacation all planned.
It was gonna be such a good time.
And here we bought you this lovely
plantation hat for a Christmas present.
- Yeah, they're coming.
- I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. What did you say?
They're coming.
That's what I said.
- The British?
- The accountants.
And some big macher
from New York.
Oh, no. Oh, Tony, that's
terrible. Oh, that's awful.
The books are in shape
for an audit, aren't they?
- There's the plane tickets.
- Plane tickets.
Tickets for the boat.
- And expense money.
- Expense money?
Uh... Uh...
Don't get the idea
you're going on a vacation.
I wanna see these stories.
I want them to be incisive,
thought-provoking.
This is billed as
a swinging singles cruise,
and I wanna see this trip
laid bare.
Their pretensions, the
expenses, the heartbreak...
- and the joy if there is any.
- Joy.
Then, of course, there's, uh,
the ship itself, the Hanover.
Now, she's headed for the
scrap heap. This is her last trip.
Why don't you do a couple
of pieces with a...
With a nostalgic flavor,
you know?
Why am I telling you all this?
You're supposed to be a professional.
Now look,
don't go bananas, Kolchak.
Just some nice simple stories
about people on a boat, huh?
Sure, Tony. Sure, sure.
Are we gonna get any riddles
today, Miss Cowles?
The Hanover had been built
in the early '30s.
A floating anachronism, 900
feet long, she could sleep 2,000.
Considered by many to be the grandest
lady to have ever sailed the seas...
she had outraced U-boats,
fought off dive-bombers...
and weathered
the wildest of parties.
But she had not weathered
the airlines.
The 747 had condemned her
to death.
- Mmm! Hi, man, how are ya?
- Oh, I...
Hey, put 'er there. Good to see
ya. Let me ask you something.
- Sure.
- What are you doing here?
- I guess I'm your roommate.
- Oh, hey, terrific. Mel Tarter.
- Hi, Mel.
- Hi. Where's your name tag? You gotta have a name tag.
No, no, no, I'm not a regular
passenger here. I'm a reporter. See?
A reporter. Oh, you mean
like the fifth column, huh?
Uh, no. The fifth column
was a Nazi spy ring.
Now, if you mean the press,
that's the Fourth Estate.
- Oh, yeah, right, right. Have a hit.
- Uh, no, thanks.
No? Oh.
Mmm, all right.
Listen, I already made the whole
tour around the ship and back again.
And it's the usual breakdown.
See, you got 40% divorced...
- Uh-huh.
- you got 50% deceased, and you got 10% delightful.
Now that's the 10%
we're interested in, right?
- Oh, right.
- Hey, I'm gonna go get myself another one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Full.
Full.
Hi, I'm Wendy.
Is Mel Tarter here?
- Well, yeah.
- Hey, all right!
How you doing, babe?
Oh, pumpkin, you look good.
Will you look at that swimsuit?
Huh? Look what's in it.
And look what's out of it.
Hey, you know why
they call it a bikini?
Because that's where they
set off the atomic bomb.
Because that's where
they set off the atom bomb.
- Oh, hey, that means food.
- Uh, you coming up?
- Uh, no.
- Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name.
- Carl Kolchak.
- Is that with a "C" or a "K"?
Both. Uh, "C" for Carl,
"K" for Kolchak.
- That is cute, but where is your name tag, Carl?
- Well...
Oh, see, he's a reporter.
Fifth column.
- Fourth Estate.
- Right. We're gonna go. We'll see you later.
Paula Griffin.
Oh, you mean the chick
we met up at the Grog Shop?
- Yeah, he's perfect.
- Oh, yeah. Hey, listen, Carl.
Paula, you will love her, man.
I mean, she's gonna really
turn your train around.
- Turn my train around?
- Yeah, yeah, right.
- You comin' up?
- Uh, no, thanks. I'll join you in a little while.
I just got off the plane from Chicago. I
jumped in a cab and raced down to the pier.
- I'd like to get a shower.
- Chicago? All right!
I gotta tell ya. The last
time I was in the Loop...
Oh, hey, listen. You know
what we're gonna do?
You and I will sit down
and have a long chat, okay?
- We'll rap about Chi.
- Absolutely.
- See ya later, buddy!
- Later. Bye.
Oh, he's perfect!
Oh, afternoon, sir. You
must be, uh, Mr. Stieglitz.
I'm the assistant purser.
Anything you need, I'm your man.
- Please call me George.
- What do you want?
Oh, just doing some
unofficial checking, sir.
There's a fella
down on "B" deck.
He was assigned a cabin
that he doesn't like very much.
It's too small. He'd be willing
to pay well for a larger place.
Would you be interested
in a deal like that, sir?
No. Because I specifically
asked not to have a cabin mate.
Oh, that's okay,
Mr. Stieglitz.
Just remember, anything you
need, I'm your man... George.
Liquor, ladies,
late-night snacks.
Now please get out.
Say, I got a honey of a telephoto
lens that will fit this camera.
The trouble is somebody just
scratched off the serial numbers.
Now, Mr. Stieglitz, if there's
anything you need at any time,
all you have to do is ring,
- and I'll be right here at your service.
- Thank you.
10:18,
two events happened.
One, the moon had just
risen off the starboard bow.
And two, an angry Mrs. Lois
Prysock of Eugene, Oregon...
had just lost $50 in dimes
to the ship's slot machines.
10:20 p.m.,
Mrs. Lois Prysock
had lost everything.
Hey. Hey, Cal.
Come on, hey.
I want you to meet Paula. You
remember Wendy, don't you?
- Yeah, sure.
- Here, right over here.
Hey, Cal Kolchak, fourth column,
I want you to meet Paula Griffin.
Your own little roundhouse. You
know what I mean? Have fun, guys.
Oh, fourth column.
- Are you an accountant?
- Uh, no, no, I'm a reporter.
Oh, a reporter.
Oh, that's terrific.
You get to go
all these marvelous places,
meet interesting people,
do exciting things.
I'm a nut about old movies.
Did you ever see Too Hot to
Handlewith Clark Gable and Myrna Loy?
He was a reporter,
and she was an aviatrix.
They had all kinds of
adventures. They fell in love.
They went up the Amazon River
where this head-hunting tribe was.
It isn't anything
like that, is it?
Uh, the head-hunting is, yes.
Listen, would you excuse me?
I gotta do a story. Do you mind?
- Oh, certainly. About what?
- Well, it's about the trip.
My editor wants to do a
story about the glamour...
and the excitement
and the fun of the trip.
Oh, they don't write articles
like that anymore, Cal.
- Uh, Carl. Carl.
- Carl? Oh, excuse me.
- Everything today is either an exposé or a polemic.
- Polemic?
Mm-hmm. It's an argument,
controversy.
It's a little late at night
for a lifeboat drill, isn't it?
Maybe we've been torpedoed.
Did you ever see Lifeboat with
Walter Slezak and Tallulah Bankhead?
Uh, no, I...
Excuse me. Do you mind...
- Paula.
- Paula.
Paula Griffin. Do you do this
every time you hear a whistle blow?
Hey, what happened?
Nothing. He heard the
whistle blow, and he split.
- Did you say something to him?
- I said nothing.
- You must have bugged him, Paula. Come on.
- I didn't bug him, Mel.
I'm sorry, sir.
You're not allowed up there.
Captain Wells's orders.
Wells? Oh, I've already
spoken to Wellsie.
Why, we're old buddies
from the Yorktownin '44.
We were cohelmsmen together. I just
wanna take another look at the bridge.
Oh. Did you say Yorktown?
- The Yorktown, yeah.
- Great ship.
- Great ship.
- But it went down in '42.
'42? I thought it was...
- Hey, Doc? Hey.
- Out.
- Sir?
- Down.
Down. Certainly.
Oh, you must be lost. This
area's off-limits to all passengers.
- I heard shots up here.
- Oh, no, you didn't.
It was a high-pressure hose
busted.
Whipped around, messed
up a couple of boys, that's all.
I wanna get into my cabin downstairs.
I'm afraid this water will flood it all.
We're checking upon all
of the damage right now, sir.
Give me your name
and cabin number.
My name is Carl K...
Carl K. Wells, Royal Suite.
Are you related to the captain?
I certainly am. I'm his son.
We haven't seen each other
very much in the past few years,
since my mother
and he were divorced.
I was young. I'd like to get
through if you don't mind.
I'm sorry, sir, I'm sure your father
will be reporting to you personally.
- What's your name?
- Gribbs, sir.
Gribbs.
Yes.
Carl Kolchak, I.N.S.
A very important message to
go to the Chicago office, I.N.S.
- Top priority.
- No stories going out tonight, sir.
Did you hear me, son? I
said top priority, triple "A."
I'm sorry. We're having a
little trouble with the equipment.
- When is it gonna be fixed?
- Soon.
Soon. What's that gun
doing there?
Uh, big swimming regatta
tomorrow. I'm the starter.
- Yeah. No, the pool's closed.
- We know that, sir.
I work out every day.
I love tennis and swimming.
Have you ever been
to Los Angeles?
Yes, once in a while.
- You know, you oughta be in commercials.
- Excuse me, sir. Excuse me.
- Sis.
- Hey, what is this?
- Hi.
- Hey, I shell out a buck 80 for a mai tai,
- and I don't even get half a dance?
- Bert Efron, right?
- No, it's Bernie. Bernie.
- Bernie. I must have heard wrong.
There's a cute little
redhead down by the casino...
who's looking
all over the ship for you.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. She said she met you at last year's convention.
- What convention?
- I don't know. Whichever one you were at.
- The mai tai.
- Oh, excuse me.
That was very cute. "Sis."
Are you that anxious to get back
to the story of my life, an exposé?
Yes, but first I've gotta
ask a favor of you.
Oh, no, no, no, Carl.
I don't know if I could do
that. I mean, the ship has rules.
Paula, you remember
Across the Pacific...
with Humphrey Bogart
and Mary Astor?
Yeah, they were on a freighter.
Sydney Greenstreet and Benson
Fong played the two Axis spies.
Exactly. Now, do you
remember the scene...
in which Mary Astor
created a diversion...
so that Bogie could go into Benson
Fong's cabin and steal the codes?
That never happened
in Across the Pacific.
Oh, sure it did. It was one
of the most exciting parts.
Carl, I've seen it
at least eight times on TV.
Oh, well, they must have cut
that part on the television.
It never happened, Carl.
- It didn't?
- No.
Is this that important to you?
Oh, very.
Okay. But next time, don't
try to con me. Just lay it on me.
Oh, excuse me.
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, could you help me? I, uh, lost
one of my contact lenses out there,
and, uh, I can't see a thing.
Lady, I'm snowed under here.
Well, what if I fall down the
stairs and break my neck?
Then you'll have a lawsuit on
your hands. Please, help me.
- All right.
- Thank you.
All right, now which way
is this thing?
It was over
in this general direction.
Right here.
Right here.
- It's very tiny.
- This is ridiculous. I can't see...
Did you look over there?
- It's too dark. I can't see anything.
- Ah, I've got it!
- I've got it.
- I didn't see anything. Where was it?
Well, your eyes must be
worse than mine. Thanks.
The first-class pool...
It was no longer in service,
but two couples from Wayne,
Indiana, after drinking too much,
decided they simply
had to swim there.
They should have gone to bed.
"It'll take a minimum of 36
hours to check all passengers...
"for possible police
or psychiatric records.
Maintain
security in silence."
Yeah, operator. Operator?
- Carl, did it work?
- They're thinking of...
turning the boat around
and going back to L.A.
- What? Oh, damn it!
- What?
My lens. I lost it.
I really lost it.
Every time I really open
my eyes, I lose it. Oh.
Oh, these carpet fibers. If it gets
buried in there, we'll never find it.
- Why would they do that?
- Quiet, quiet. Do what?
- The boat.
- Operator. May I help you?
Operator, I'd like
ship-to-shore, please.
Long distance to Chicago, Illinois.
Tony Vincenzo, I.N.S. offices.
Area code 312-555-8842.
I'll try that for you, sir, but
it may take a few minutes.
I'll hold. I'll hold.
- A pacific storm.
- What?
That's the only reason
they'd turn the boat around.
I had a friend once... they
took a cruise to Acapulco.
There was a hurricane up
ahead, and they returned to port.
They never got their money back.
They'll hear from me if that happens to us.
We got a lot more to worry about than
getting our money back. Aha! There it is.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- Yeah.
Carl.
Hello, operator.
What's going on?
- What's happening?
- Still trying, sir.
better check out
down there.
Check the topside.
Come on.
Let's go. Come on.
Carl, I just got a marvel... Oh.
Huh?
Get this man in the infirmary.
Two months.
That's very odd.
Do you have a history
of coagulation problems?
No, no, it seems to be healing,
and then it just breaks open again.
It has happened twice now.
And I have this constant
dizziness and the blackout spells.
Odd.
Likely the abrupt change from
Greenland's the cause for it.
As for the claustrophobia, rabies,
I think we can safely rule that...
I know that.
I'm no fool.
I'm sorry.
It's quite natural that
you'd be a little irritable.
Here.
You take two of these...
at bedtime tonight.
It'll help you sleep and
ease any discomfort. Hmm?
Don't you humor me with pills.
They gave me pills at the
Billings Naval Hospital in Montana.
They didn't do anything
to relieve my nightmares.
You've been experiencing
this much discomfort,
and they've discharged you
from NATO?
Why didn't you stay
in the naval hospital?
I'm still with NATO. I'm
merely on a rest leave, Doctor.
- Mm-hmm.
- Please be careful.
You might think of seeking
neuropsychiatric help.
Now listen to me. I don't
want to look at inkblots.
I don't want to discuss my nightmares.
I want to stop them now, today!
Now please, give me an
injection of a... of a painkiller.
I can't give you any narcotics.
Why can't you?
Well, there's procedure
with using narcotics.
You babbling fool.
Doctor?
- Who was that man?
- Good morning, Mr. Kolchak.
- Your dad would like to see you.
- Dad? I don't have a dad.
- Right this way.
- Oh! Dad.
Well, congratulations,
Captain. My compliments.
This is all cleaned up spick-and-span.
Good as new, shipshape.
Nobody'd ever dream there
was a brouhaha here last night.
Mr. Kolchak, you are to
understand and comply...
with the following for
the duration of this voyage.
One, you are to cease annoying crew
members in the performance of their duties.
Two, you are to desist
from fomenting trouble...
- among your fellow passengers.
- But...
Three, you are to stop
representing yourself as my son.
I thought I could get away
with a little of a resemblance...
That's all. Dismissed.
Just-Just a minute.
Captain Wells,
I happen to be a reporter for
the Independent News Service.
News, sir. That's the press.
You do know about the First
Amendment, the freedom of the press?
I'm fully aware
of all the articles...
of the Constitution of the
United States, Mr. Kolchak.
Splendid.
Are you fully aware of the
articles of the Maritime Code?
Article 43: The captain of the vessel
shall have full and sole authority...
over all passengers
and crew therein.
And shall, in the event of a crisis,
take any means he deems necessary...
to ensure that everyone
aboard acts in compliance...
with the best interest
of the vessel.
Crisis.
You did say "crisis," sir.
That means you agree there was
something very strange aboard this boat.
- Ship.
- Boat, ship, whatever.
I was down here last night, and I
saw something absolutely incredible,
before, well, before I was
blacked out, but I did see it.
There was a disturbance, yes,
but the matter is now fully in hand.
Disturbance? Listen,
what I saw down here,
I saw your crew being ripped apart
by some thing, some animal thing.
Torn into shreds like they
were rag dolls, limb from limb.
Now, whatever it is that's
aboard this boat is not well in hand.
If you wanna know
what I think it is...
Article 47,
revised Maritime Code:
Should any person or persons fail to
comply with the captain's directives,
he or they shall be placed
under bodily restraint...
- for as long as the captain sees fit.
- Bodily restraint?
It used to be called "putting
a man in irons," Mr. Kolchak.
Now, while we don't have that
outmoded means of bodily restraint,
I'm sure the ship's engineer
could jury-rig a suitable substitute.
Isn't that right,
Mr. Hallem?
Gribbs here could put
something together...
with some chains and
a couple of marlinespikes.
- Take about 15 minutes.
- Marlinespikes?
Oh, yeah, mean things.
Metal, looks like a shark's tooth.
You mean you can really do that?
Let's hope you never have
to find out, Mr. Kolchak.
Now I suggest that you just do what
you came on board to do, interview.
The schoolteachers, the
dentists, the aging stewardesses.
Well, that's all very simple,
Captain, but unfortunately,
your passengers seem to be
disappearing into your deep freeze.
I think you'd better make up a set of
those irons, Mr. Gribbs, just in case.
- Yes, sir.
- Carry on.
Now, Mr. Gribbs, that
won't be necessary, really.
I mean, that kind of thing is
really out of the Dark Ages, isn't it?
- Are those them?
- Sir?
Are these those?
Mr. Kolchak won't win any
prizes for his photography,
but his subject
is certainly startling.
Dr. Ross?
Operator, I want
ship-to-shore, please.
I'm sorry, Mr. Kolchak, but all
the lines are busy. Please try later.
They've been busy
for the last two hours.
How did you know my name?
Buongiorno, Carlo. And what
happened to you last night?
I heard a lot of men running
by, and then you were gone.
They jammed the phone on me.
Captain Bligh has put me off-limits.
You know, everyone aboard
has the case of the crazies.
Something is very wrong here.
And do you know, they closed the
Grog Shop for the rest of the voyage?
And there's a whole long section of
carpeting been taken out near the lobby.
They're wasting their time.
Blood stains cannot be removed.
Well, I happened to overhear a
couple of Italian stewards talking.
They thought
I couldn't speak Italian.
You know what
one guy was saying?
No, no, I don't.
- You know what that means?
- No, no.
- Lupo?
- Lupo. Oh, wolf!
Exactly. Isn't that absurd? I don't
know what's gotten into everybody.
Claws and fangs. And
it's not gonna stop either.
You wouldn't happen to know
anything about legends, would you?
- Legends?
- Yeah, you know, uh, legends.
- Oh, you mean like Oedipus.
- No, like the werewolf legends.
You're not going to take a couple of
Neapolitan sailors seriously, are you?
Italians always overdramatize.
What about movies?
I mean, you've seen 'em all.
Certainly someone involved
must have done some research.
Oh! Well, it's silver
bullets, I think.
- What?
- I forgot. Wait a minute. It was John Wayne.
- You said something. What was it?
- Silver bullets.
- Silver bullets.
- Charlie Chan? I forgot. I didn't, uh...
Uh, ahem, steward.
- Oh, how you doing, Mr. Kolchak?
- Fine, George.
Hope you changed your mind.
I'll go as high as 18 bucks for this.
George, are you available
for an errand of sorts?
- Oh, I'm always at your service, Mr. Kolchak.
- Really?
Oh, hey, there's my main
man. How you doing, Carl?
And, uh, what are
you doing, Carl?
I know. You're fixing up
some kind of costume...
for the fantasy dress ball
tonight, right?
- Wrong.
- No, I mean, that's a helmet, right?
I mean, you're into
some kind of Visigoth trip.
There will be
no fancy dress ball tonight.
Oh, yes, there will, 'cause
they announced it this morning.
Yeah, and I'm playing
Lady Godiva.
And I'm coming
as Peeping Tom. All right.
Mel, you've reconnoitered this ship
pretty good. Is there a priest on board?
- Priest?
- A priest.
Hey, Carl, I mean listen.
Paula's cute, you know,
but you don't have to
sign up for a life sentence.
I mean, getting spliced is
not the object of this cruise.
Getting your chimes rung is.
This has nothing to do with
chimes ringing or splicing at all.
Oh, good, man, because Wendy and me made
that marriage scene for about 10 years,
and we're here to tell you
it is nowhere.
What?
Let me absorb this slowly.
- You and Wendy were married?
- Yeah.
- I mean, to each other.
- Oh, right on. Yeah.
We got divorced about three years ago,
and we've been having a ball ever since.
- Well, I wish you all the luck in the world.
- Thank you.
In the meantime,
is there a priest on board?
Well, hey, what about
what's his name?
Who? Oh, yeah,
I know, yeah.
There was some cat that told
me he flunked out of divinity school.
- Is that any help?
- Does he speak Latin?
Last night he was kind of
into Romance languages.
That's funny.
That's very funny.
Will you find him and bring
him back here in about an hour?
Yeah, okay. And then you wanna
put on your Lady Godiva outfit for me?
You know, Mel, you just never
had any respect for our marriage.
- What are you talking about?
- You know what you really are?
- What'd you find out?
- We were right.
When I placed the call from
my cabin, I got through fine.
- I talked to your editor, Mr. Vincenzo.
- Yeah.
Oh, gee, does he sound
like he needs a vacation.
Anyway, he seemed very upset...
when I mentioned you wanted
stuff about mutilation murders.
- That follows.
- He sounded awful.
I mean, coughing and sneezing.
Apparently he has the flu.
But he still has to come into work
because nobody else is in the office.
- I don't get it.
- You wouldn't understand.
What did he say
about the animal attacks?
Well, last month, in
Yellowstone County, Montana,
a family of five was killed.
The authorities there believe
that they were attacked by...
Wolves.
And before that, a six-man
NATO radar team in Greenland...
NATO? Tell me the date.
It was exactly one month before the
Yellowstone County incident, right?
Yes, that's right.
Five were mutilated beyond
recognition, but one survived.
- What was his name?
- It's not listed here.
There's no record of him? Who he was?
Where he went? Where he came from?
No.
Listen, I gotta meet a guy. You stay here,
right here in this room, and do not move.
No matter what happens, do
not leave this room. Is that clear?
- Yes.
- I mean, those are orders, right?
Lock the door behind me. On
second thought, I'll lock it for you.
- Oh. Well, you got it?
- Yeah, where's the money?
Money, money, here. Here's your money.
$50. Could I have a receipt for that?
We gotta find a better place
to make the pass.
The what?
Just give it to me, please.
I wanna make sure you're
satisfied. You got the right material.
And besides, I wanna make sure
nobody's giving me any phony money.
- What are you talking about?
- Now, don't laugh.
I got a trunkful of lira, marks
and pounds that ain't worth a dime.
But those are American dollars.
So what? What do you think
it's gonna be worth tomorrow?
Oh, good evening, ma'am.
Sir.
Besides, I'm getting
some pretty bad vibes here.
I don't like the smell
of this whole thing.
Let's go down to my compartment.
Who is it?
Me.
- Paula Griffin, this is George...
- Just first names, okay?
- Okay.
- Hey, that's nice stuff.
Genuine Vallarchon.
You wanna unload it?
- It's not ours.
- It doesn't make any difference.
Wi... Will you put it down, please? Let's
see what you got. Come on. Come on.
That's silver plate.
That's not sterling silver.
Haven't you got any real
silver aboard this ship?
- Sure.
- Well, get it.
- Uh-uh, not for any price.
- Why?
It's the buttons on
the captain's dress uniform.
Oh?
- What are you doing here?
- How did you get in here?
If I told you, Captain,
you'd clap me in irons.
Clap you in irons. I'll have
you keelhauled for this.
Well, Captain, you seem to
be fond of living in the past,
so perhaps you'd be
interested in knowing...
that there is a werewolf
on board.
- Really?
- Really.
Article 22,
revised Maritime Code:
Should any passenger or passengers
exhibit, in the captain's opinion,
an unbalanced state of mind,
- the captain may order that such
passenger be put... - To sleep. Yes, I know.
I won't deny we've had trouble.
My officers concur with me that
we've had a psychotic killer on board.
A psychotic killer? What about
the drugs missing from the infirmary?
The man may have had
a serious drug problem.
But since the attacks
have stopped,
obviously one of
three things has happened.
The man fell overboard,
the man committed suicide,
or the man suffered
serious injuries...
and crawled away to the
bowels of the ship to die.
Or the thing is still alive and
waiting for the moon to rise.
- The moon.
- The moon. The full moon.
Check your nautical charts,
Captain, for the exact time.
Have Mr. Hallem come up here
with the security party, please.
Listen, you've seen the
photographs that I took.
Did you see
a psychotic killer in that?
All right, I will address you
in terms you will understand.
You will understand and
comply with the following orders.
All security personnel are to
be equipped with silver bullets.
Those silver bullets are
to be blessed by a priest,
not in English, but in Latin.
Furthermore, sir, before moonrise,
all passengers and personnel...
are to be restricted to their cabins
with the doors bolted and locked.
- End of orders, sir.
- Yes, sir.
- Take him below.
- Take him below.
Now wait just one minute.
If you put me some place against
my will and something happens to me,
you're gonna have to write a
new chapter in the Maritime Code,
or my editor's name
is not Antonio Vincenzo.
Your editor.
Release him.
- Not here, outside!
- Just a minute now.
Wait a minute, fellas.
Wait just one second.
- Mr. Hallem.
- Yes, sir?
Ask Royer
how much time we'd buy...
if we changed course now and
tried to outrun the rising moon.
- Sir?
- Nothing!
- Hey, Paula.
- Hiya.
Here's your man, Jay Remy.
Here it is in the pot.
It has to be blessed.
Hey, is this gonna take long?
I've invested a lot of time
in a couple of young ladies...
Just do it, will you? I mean,
just mumble something in Latin.
It doesn't make a lot
of difference...
- Are you folks loaded? What's going on?
- Nothing is going on.
I just need you to bless this
pot of melted silver, that's all.
I mean, we haven't got much
time. See, that's the problem.
So, if you know anything
in Latin, a prayer, anything?
Well, I know a nuptial
prayer pretty good.
Well, that doesn't sound
quite right to me.
- Mm, a prayer for the dead?
- Yeah, that sounds more like it.
Now, if you ever need any
more blessings, we'll talk about it.
You just come on down
to my cabin.
We'll have a little
drinky-winky or something,
but leave Hi-Ho Silver here.
If I were you, I'd go back to my
cabin, lock the doors, stay sober...
and remember some more prayers.
10:21 p.m.,
Bernhardt Stieglitz,
ordinary career soldier,
answered a primordial call...
and had a most
extraordinary dream.
A nightmare that no human being could
ever imagine or begin to comprehend.
Mr. Stieglitz?
Mr. Stieglitz. It's George.
Are you all right?
Get in your cabin, you dum-dum.
The body was never recovered.
When the old ship was scrapped, all
evidence was scrapped along with her.
Of the 11 crewmen
and four passengers...
attacked by the beast, it is not
known how many actually died.
The injured?
Well, they disappeared.
Rumor has it to Switzerland, to undergo
treatment for a rare blood disease.
The shipping line would only admit to
having had a psychotic stowaway on board.
The killer had fallen
overboard after being cornered...
by ship's officers,
so they said.
All traces of Bernard Stieglitz
vanished. His baggage was gone.
His name could not be found
in any passenger manifest.
NATO officials claim no such man
had ever existed in their organization.
And any attempt to publish a
werewolf story about such a man...
would be met with the
heaviest legal artillery.
Vincenzo, always gun-shy, conveyed
that message to me in no uncertain terms.
So, here the story sits,
for good, I guess.
No one but you and I
know the real truth.
The real story.
Cab!
Ah. That's it.
To the airport, huh?
---
Admittedly, the story
you are about to read...
is bizarre, incredible.
Those of you who wish to avoid being
unsettled, who wish to avoid thinking...
will label it insane.
And though you, the reader,
would find these facts...
almost impossible
to substantiate,
that does not change
their nature.
Facts they are.
I know. I saw them happen.
Yellowstone County,
Montana, December 11.
Horrified local authorities
investigated the gruesome deaths...
of four area residents...
The Rockwell family...
mother, father and two children.
All had been discovered strewn
around their isolated farm...
their bodies mutilated.
An official coroner's report stated
they had been dead three days.
Cause of death?
Attacked by wolves.
Fact: The last sighting of a wolf in
Yellowstone County occurred in 1948.
Fact: In the entire history
of this continent,
there has never been
one documented case...
of attack by wolves
on a human being.
That year, Chicago was having
one of its worst winters in history,
but Christmas was merry.
Our office even had a party,
The first since Lindbergh soloed the Atlantic.
The festivities were
the idea of Edith Cowles,
our office mother and founder
of my favorite riddle column.
The Asian flu had decimated our staff,
but the party had accomplished its end,
that of bidding a fond adieu and
bon voyage to Tony Vincenzo,
who was finally taking a long-awaited vacation...
aboard the cruise ship Hanover.
He wasn't paying for
the cruise, of course.
He had wangled it
as his own feature story,
and the New York office
was picking up the tab.
No, no, no, that's in the office
next door. Will you shut up a minute?
Shh. Tony.
Hello, sir. No, it's not him,
sir. One moment. I'll put him on.
- What is it?
- It's New York. Will you get on the phone?
- Oh, oh.
- It's for you. Hurry up!
Okay.
You got it, Tony? Okay.
You gonna take it home?
Oh. Well, what time are they
gonna get here? What day?
A watch. A wristwatch.
Oh, I don't think so.
Jingle bells
Oh, what fun...
But I've had this planned months ago.
Well, doesn't anybody there
consider the fact that I haven't had...
What? You can't understand?
Wait a minute.
Doesn't anybody there
consider the fact...
that I haven't had
a vacation in five years?
Shh.
They want me to pick them up
at the airport?
Boy, that's gall for you. That was the
same airport I was gonna leave from.
He certainly doesn't look
like Old Nick, does he?
Now look. Couldn't I have the flu?
Couldn't you tell them that I'm sick?
Look, I need this vacation.
J-Just tell 'em I'm sick.
I'm already packed
and ready to go!
Uh-oh.
Kolchak!
- Yes, sir.
- How's that flu of yours?
- Bugs never get me, sir.
- Oh, I thought I heard you mention...
something about a
temperature, a queasy stomach...
- or something the other day.
- Me?
- Yeah.
- No, no, no, never.
- How come you never get sick, Kolchak?
- I must live right, sir.
Ron. Hey, you look pretty good,
Ron. How do you feel? What's this?
My column. I'd like you to look
it over so I can get outta here.
At 10:00 in the morning.
Where're you going?
The doctor, if you don't
mind. I think I'm getting sick.
How about all those
megavitamins you've been taking,
and the massive doses
of Vitamin "C"?
They're making me sick.
How would one-week, all-paid-expense
cruise on the Hanovermake you feel?
Worse. I have a bad time
with seasickness.
Everything makes you sick,
doesn't it? You're seasick. Airsick.
Don't drive your car
more than 30 miles an hour.
You know, a reporter
has to travel, Ron.
Please, I would like
to go to the doctor.
Go. Go. Only don't let
them put you in a wheelchair.
You'll probably start
bleeding from the ears.
Okay, okay, Kolchak.
You got it. You win.
Aw, Tony, I'm sorry about that.
You had this vacation all planned.
It was gonna be such a good time.
And here we bought you this lovely
plantation hat for a Christmas present.
- Yeah, they're coming.
- I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. What did you say?
They're coming.
That's what I said.
- The British?
- The accountants.
And some big macher
from New York.
Oh, no. Oh, Tony, that's
terrible. Oh, that's awful.
The books are in shape
for an audit, aren't they?
- There's the plane tickets.
- Plane tickets.
Tickets for the boat.
- And expense money.
- Expense money?
Uh... Uh...
Don't get the idea
you're going on a vacation.
I wanna see these stories.
I want them to be incisive,
thought-provoking.
This is billed as
a swinging singles cruise,
and I wanna see this trip
laid bare.
Their pretensions, the
expenses, the heartbreak...
- and the joy if there is any.
- Joy.
Then, of course, there's, uh,
the ship itself, the Hanover.
Now, she's headed for the
scrap heap. This is her last trip.
Why don't you do a couple
of pieces with a...
With a nostalgic flavor,
you know?
Why am I telling you all this?
You're supposed to be a professional.
Now look,
don't go bananas, Kolchak.
Just some nice simple stories
about people on a boat, huh?
Sure, Tony. Sure, sure.
Are we gonna get any riddles
today, Miss Cowles?
The Hanover had been built
in the early '30s.
A floating anachronism, 900
feet long, she could sleep 2,000.
Considered by many to be the grandest
lady to have ever sailed the seas...
she had outraced U-boats,
fought off dive-bombers...
and weathered
the wildest of parties.
But she had not weathered
the airlines.
The 747 had condemned her
to death.
- Mmm! Hi, man, how are ya?
- Oh, I...
Hey, put 'er there. Good to see
ya. Let me ask you something.
- Sure.
- What are you doing here?
- I guess I'm your roommate.
- Oh, hey, terrific. Mel Tarter.
- Hi, Mel.
- Hi. Where's your name tag? You gotta have a name tag.
No, no, no, I'm not a regular
passenger here. I'm a reporter. See?
A reporter. Oh, you mean
like the fifth column, huh?
Uh, no. The fifth column
was a Nazi spy ring.
Now, if you mean the press,
that's the Fourth Estate.
- Oh, yeah, right, right. Have a hit.
- Uh, no, thanks.
No? Oh.
Mmm, all right.
Listen, I already made the whole
tour around the ship and back again.
And it's the usual breakdown.
See, you got 40% divorced...
- Uh-huh.
- you got 50% deceased, and you got 10% delightful.
Now that's the 10%
we're interested in, right?
- Oh, right.
- Hey, I'm gonna go get myself another one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Full.
Full.
Hi, I'm Wendy.
Is Mel Tarter here?
- Well, yeah.
- Hey, all right!
How you doing, babe?
Oh, pumpkin, you look good.
Will you look at that swimsuit?
Huh? Look what's in it.
And look what's out of it.
Hey, you know why
they call it a bikini?
Because that's where they
set off the atomic bomb.
Because that's where
they set off the atom bomb.
- Oh, hey, that means food.
- Uh, you coming up?
- Uh, no.
- Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name.
- Carl Kolchak.
- Is that with a "C" or a "K"?
Both. Uh, "C" for Carl,
"K" for Kolchak.
- That is cute, but where is your name tag, Carl?
- Well...
Oh, see, he's a reporter.
Fifth column.
- Fourth Estate.
- Right. We're gonna go. We'll see you later.
Paula Griffin.
Oh, you mean the chick
we met up at the Grog Shop?
- Yeah, he's perfect.
- Oh, yeah. Hey, listen, Carl.
Paula, you will love her, man.
I mean, she's gonna really
turn your train around.
- Turn my train around?
- Yeah, yeah, right.
- You comin' up?
- Uh, no, thanks. I'll join you in a little while.
I just got off the plane from Chicago. I
jumped in a cab and raced down to the pier.
- I'd like to get a shower.
- Chicago? All right!
I gotta tell ya. The last
time I was in the Loop...
Oh, hey, listen. You know
what we're gonna do?
You and I will sit down
and have a long chat, okay?
- We'll rap about Chi.
- Absolutely.
- See ya later, buddy!
- Later. Bye.
Oh, he's perfect!
Oh, afternoon, sir. You
must be, uh, Mr. Stieglitz.
I'm the assistant purser.
Anything you need, I'm your man.
- Please call me George.
- What do you want?
Oh, just doing some
unofficial checking, sir.
There's a fella
down on "B" deck.
He was assigned a cabin
that he doesn't like very much.
It's too small. He'd be willing
to pay well for a larger place.
Would you be interested
in a deal like that, sir?
No. Because I specifically
asked not to have a cabin mate.
Oh, that's okay,
Mr. Stieglitz.
Just remember, anything you
need, I'm your man... George.
Liquor, ladies,
late-night snacks.
Now please get out.
Say, I got a honey of a telephoto
lens that will fit this camera.
The trouble is somebody just
scratched off the serial numbers.
Now, Mr. Stieglitz, if there's
anything you need at any time,
all you have to do is ring,
- and I'll be right here at your service.
- Thank you.
10:18,
two events happened.
One, the moon had just
risen off the starboard bow.
And two, an angry Mrs. Lois
Prysock of Eugene, Oregon...
had just lost $50 in dimes
to the ship's slot machines.
10:20 p.m.,
Mrs. Lois Prysock
had lost everything.
Hey. Hey, Cal.
Come on, hey.
I want you to meet Paula. You
remember Wendy, don't you?
- Yeah, sure.
- Here, right over here.
Hey, Cal Kolchak, fourth column,
I want you to meet Paula Griffin.
Your own little roundhouse. You
know what I mean? Have fun, guys.
Oh, fourth column.
- Are you an accountant?
- Uh, no, no, I'm a reporter.
Oh, a reporter.
Oh, that's terrific.
You get to go
all these marvelous places,
meet interesting people,
do exciting things.
I'm a nut about old movies.
Did you ever see Too Hot to
Handlewith Clark Gable and Myrna Loy?
He was a reporter,
and she was an aviatrix.
They had all kinds of
adventures. They fell in love.
They went up the Amazon River
where this head-hunting tribe was.
It isn't anything
like that, is it?
Uh, the head-hunting is, yes.
Listen, would you excuse me?
I gotta do a story. Do you mind?
- Oh, certainly. About what?
- Well, it's about the trip.
My editor wants to do a
story about the glamour...
and the excitement
and the fun of the trip.
Oh, they don't write articles
like that anymore, Cal.
- Uh, Carl. Carl.
- Carl? Oh, excuse me.
- Everything today is either an exposé or a polemic.
- Polemic?
Mm-hmm. It's an argument,
controversy.
It's a little late at night
for a lifeboat drill, isn't it?
Maybe we've been torpedoed.
Did you ever see Lifeboat with
Walter Slezak and Tallulah Bankhead?
Uh, no, I...
Excuse me. Do you mind...
- Paula.
- Paula.
Paula Griffin. Do you do this
every time you hear a whistle blow?
Hey, what happened?
Nothing. He heard the
whistle blow, and he split.
- Did you say something to him?
- I said nothing.
- You must have bugged him, Paula. Come on.
- I didn't bug him, Mel.
I'm sorry, sir.
You're not allowed up there.
Captain Wells's orders.
Wells? Oh, I've already
spoken to Wellsie.
Why, we're old buddies
from the Yorktownin '44.
We were cohelmsmen together. I just
wanna take another look at the bridge.
Oh. Did you say Yorktown?
- The Yorktown, yeah.
- Great ship.
- Great ship.
- But it went down in '42.
'42? I thought it was...
- Hey, Doc? Hey.
- Out.
- Sir?
- Down.
Down. Certainly.
Oh, you must be lost. This
area's off-limits to all passengers.
- I heard shots up here.
- Oh, no, you didn't.
It was a high-pressure hose
busted.
Whipped around, messed
up a couple of boys, that's all.
I wanna get into my cabin downstairs.
I'm afraid this water will flood it all.
We're checking upon all
of the damage right now, sir.
Give me your name
and cabin number.
My name is Carl K...
Carl K. Wells, Royal Suite.
Are you related to the captain?
I certainly am. I'm his son.
We haven't seen each other
very much in the past few years,
since my mother
and he were divorced.
I was young. I'd like to get
through if you don't mind.
I'm sorry, sir, I'm sure your father
will be reporting to you personally.
- What's your name?
- Gribbs, sir.
Gribbs.
Yes.
Carl Kolchak, I.N.S.
A very important message to
go to the Chicago office, I.N.S.
- Top priority.
- No stories going out tonight, sir.
Did you hear me, son? I
said top priority, triple "A."
I'm sorry. We're having a
little trouble with the equipment.
- When is it gonna be fixed?
- Soon.
Soon. What's that gun
doing there?
Uh, big swimming regatta
tomorrow. I'm the starter.
- Yeah. No, the pool's closed.
- We know that, sir.
I work out every day.
I love tennis and swimming.
Have you ever been
to Los Angeles?
Yes, once in a while.
- You know, you oughta be in commercials.
- Excuse me, sir. Excuse me.
- Sis.
- Hey, what is this?
- Hi.
- Hey, I shell out a buck 80 for a mai tai,
- and I don't even get half a dance?
- Bert Efron, right?
- No, it's Bernie. Bernie.
- Bernie. I must have heard wrong.
There's a cute little
redhead down by the casino...
who's looking
all over the ship for you.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. She said she met you at last year's convention.
- What convention?
- I don't know. Whichever one you were at.
- The mai tai.
- Oh, excuse me.
That was very cute. "Sis."
Are you that anxious to get back
to the story of my life, an exposé?
Yes, but first I've gotta
ask a favor of you.
Oh, no, no, no, Carl.
I don't know if I could do
that. I mean, the ship has rules.
Paula, you remember
Across the Pacific...
with Humphrey Bogart
and Mary Astor?
Yeah, they were on a freighter.
Sydney Greenstreet and Benson
Fong played the two Axis spies.
Exactly. Now, do you
remember the scene...
in which Mary Astor
created a diversion...
so that Bogie could go into Benson
Fong's cabin and steal the codes?
That never happened
in Across the Pacific.
Oh, sure it did. It was one
of the most exciting parts.
Carl, I've seen it
at least eight times on TV.
Oh, well, they must have cut
that part on the television.
It never happened, Carl.
- It didn't?
- No.
Is this that important to you?
Oh, very.
Okay. But next time, don't
try to con me. Just lay it on me.
Oh, excuse me.
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, could you help me? I, uh, lost
one of my contact lenses out there,
and, uh, I can't see a thing.
Lady, I'm snowed under here.
Well, what if I fall down the
stairs and break my neck?
Then you'll have a lawsuit on
your hands. Please, help me.
- All right.
- Thank you.
All right, now which way
is this thing?
It was over
in this general direction.
Right here.
Right here.
- It's very tiny.
- This is ridiculous. I can't see...
Did you look over there?
- It's too dark. I can't see anything.
- Ah, I've got it!
- I've got it.
- I didn't see anything. Where was it?
Well, your eyes must be
worse than mine. Thanks.
The first-class pool...
It was no longer in service,
but two couples from Wayne,
Indiana, after drinking too much,
decided they simply
had to swim there.
They should have gone to bed.
"It'll take a minimum of 36
hours to check all passengers...
"for possible police
or psychiatric records.
Maintain
security in silence."
Yeah, operator. Operator?
- Carl, did it work?
- They're thinking of...
turning the boat around
and going back to L.A.
- What? Oh, damn it!
- What?
My lens. I lost it.
I really lost it.
Every time I really open
my eyes, I lose it. Oh.
Oh, these carpet fibers. If it gets
buried in there, we'll never find it.
- Why would they do that?
- Quiet, quiet. Do what?
- The boat.
- Operator. May I help you?
Operator, I'd like
ship-to-shore, please.
Long distance to Chicago, Illinois.
Tony Vincenzo, I.N.S. offices.
Area code 312-555-8842.
I'll try that for you, sir, but
it may take a few minutes.
I'll hold. I'll hold.
- A pacific storm.
- What?
That's the only reason
they'd turn the boat around.
I had a friend once... they
took a cruise to Acapulco.
There was a hurricane up
ahead, and they returned to port.
They never got their money back.
They'll hear from me if that happens to us.
We got a lot more to worry about than
getting our money back. Aha! There it is.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- Yeah.
Carl.
Hello, operator.
What's going on?
- What's happening?
- Still trying, sir.
better check out
down there.
Check the topside.
Come on.
Let's go. Come on.
Carl, I just got a marvel... Oh.
Huh?
Get this man in the infirmary.
Two months.
That's very odd.
Do you have a history
of coagulation problems?
No, no, it seems to be healing,
and then it just breaks open again.
It has happened twice now.
And I have this constant
dizziness and the blackout spells.
Odd.
Likely the abrupt change from
Greenland's the cause for it.
As for the claustrophobia, rabies,
I think we can safely rule that...
I know that.
I'm no fool.
I'm sorry.
It's quite natural that
you'd be a little irritable.
Here.
You take two of these...
at bedtime tonight.
It'll help you sleep and
ease any discomfort. Hmm?
Don't you humor me with pills.
They gave me pills at the
Billings Naval Hospital in Montana.
They didn't do anything
to relieve my nightmares.
You've been experiencing
this much discomfort,
and they've discharged you
from NATO?
Why didn't you stay
in the naval hospital?
I'm still with NATO. I'm
merely on a rest leave, Doctor.
- Mm-hmm.
- Please be careful.
You might think of seeking
neuropsychiatric help.
Now listen to me. I don't
want to look at inkblots.
I don't want to discuss my nightmares.
I want to stop them now, today!
Now please, give me an
injection of a... of a painkiller.
I can't give you any narcotics.
Why can't you?
Well, there's procedure
with using narcotics.
You babbling fool.
Doctor?
- Who was that man?
- Good morning, Mr. Kolchak.
- Your dad would like to see you.
- Dad? I don't have a dad.
- Right this way.
- Oh! Dad.
Well, congratulations,
Captain. My compliments.
This is all cleaned up spick-and-span.
Good as new, shipshape.
Nobody'd ever dream there
was a brouhaha here last night.
Mr. Kolchak, you are to
understand and comply...
with the following for
the duration of this voyage.
One, you are to cease annoying crew
members in the performance of their duties.
Two, you are to desist
from fomenting trouble...
- among your fellow passengers.
- But...
Three, you are to stop
representing yourself as my son.
I thought I could get away
with a little of a resemblance...
That's all. Dismissed.
Just-Just a minute.
Captain Wells,
I happen to be a reporter for
the Independent News Service.
News, sir. That's the press.
You do know about the First
Amendment, the freedom of the press?
I'm fully aware
of all the articles...
of the Constitution of the
United States, Mr. Kolchak.
Splendid.
Are you fully aware of the
articles of the Maritime Code?
Article 43: The captain of the vessel
shall have full and sole authority...
over all passengers
and crew therein.
And shall, in the event of a crisis,
take any means he deems necessary...
to ensure that everyone
aboard acts in compliance...
with the best interest
of the vessel.
Crisis.
You did say "crisis," sir.
That means you agree there was
something very strange aboard this boat.
- Ship.
- Boat, ship, whatever.
I was down here last night, and I
saw something absolutely incredible,
before, well, before I was
blacked out, but I did see it.
There was a disturbance, yes,
but the matter is now fully in hand.
Disturbance? Listen,
what I saw down here,
I saw your crew being ripped apart
by some thing, some animal thing.
Torn into shreds like they
were rag dolls, limb from limb.
Now, whatever it is that's
aboard this boat is not well in hand.
If you wanna know
what I think it is...
Article 47,
revised Maritime Code:
Should any person or persons fail to
comply with the captain's directives,
he or they shall be placed
under bodily restraint...
- for as long as the captain sees fit.
- Bodily restraint?
It used to be called "putting
a man in irons," Mr. Kolchak.
Now, while we don't have that
outmoded means of bodily restraint,
I'm sure the ship's engineer
could jury-rig a suitable substitute.
Isn't that right,
Mr. Hallem?
Gribbs here could put
something together...
with some chains and
a couple of marlinespikes.
- Take about 15 minutes.
- Marlinespikes?
Oh, yeah, mean things.
Metal, looks like a shark's tooth.
You mean you can really do that?
Let's hope you never have
to find out, Mr. Kolchak.
Now I suggest that you just do what
you came on board to do, interview.
The schoolteachers, the
dentists, the aging stewardesses.
Well, that's all very simple,
Captain, but unfortunately,
your passengers seem to be
disappearing into your deep freeze.
I think you'd better make up a set of
those irons, Mr. Gribbs, just in case.
- Yes, sir.
- Carry on.
Now, Mr. Gribbs, that
won't be necessary, really.
I mean, that kind of thing is
really out of the Dark Ages, isn't it?
- Are those them?
- Sir?
Are these those?
Mr. Kolchak won't win any
prizes for his photography,
but his subject
is certainly startling.
Dr. Ross?
Operator, I want
ship-to-shore, please.
I'm sorry, Mr. Kolchak, but all
the lines are busy. Please try later.
They've been busy
for the last two hours.
How did you know my name?
Buongiorno, Carlo. And what
happened to you last night?
I heard a lot of men running
by, and then you were gone.
They jammed the phone on me.
Captain Bligh has put me off-limits.
You know, everyone aboard
has the case of the crazies.
Something is very wrong here.
And do you know, they closed the
Grog Shop for the rest of the voyage?
And there's a whole long section of
carpeting been taken out near the lobby.
They're wasting their time.
Blood stains cannot be removed.
Well, I happened to overhear a
couple of Italian stewards talking.
They thought
I couldn't speak Italian.
You know what
one guy was saying?
No, no, I don't.
- You know what that means?
- No, no.
- Lupo?
- Lupo. Oh, wolf!
Exactly. Isn't that absurd? I don't
know what's gotten into everybody.
Claws and fangs. And
it's not gonna stop either.
You wouldn't happen to know
anything about legends, would you?
- Legends?
- Yeah, you know, uh, legends.
- Oh, you mean like Oedipus.
- No, like the werewolf legends.
You're not going to take a couple of
Neapolitan sailors seriously, are you?
Italians always overdramatize.
What about movies?
I mean, you've seen 'em all.
Certainly someone involved
must have done some research.
Oh! Well, it's silver
bullets, I think.
- What?
- I forgot. Wait a minute. It was John Wayne.
- You said something. What was it?
- Silver bullets.
- Silver bullets.
- Charlie Chan? I forgot. I didn't, uh...
Uh, ahem, steward.
- Oh, how you doing, Mr. Kolchak?
- Fine, George.
Hope you changed your mind.
I'll go as high as 18 bucks for this.
George, are you available
for an errand of sorts?
- Oh, I'm always at your service, Mr. Kolchak.
- Really?
Oh, hey, there's my main
man. How you doing, Carl?
And, uh, what are
you doing, Carl?
I know. You're fixing up
some kind of costume...
for the fantasy dress ball
tonight, right?
- Wrong.
- No, I mean, that's a helmet, right?
I mean, you're into
some kind of Visigoth trip.
There will be
no fancy dress ball tonight.
Oh, yes, there will, 'cause
they announced it this morning.
Yeah, and I'm playing
Lady Godiva.
And I'm coming
as Peeping Tom. All right.
Mel, you've reconnoitered this ship
pretty good. Is there a priest on board?
- Priest?
- A priest.
Hey, Carl, I mean listen.
Paula's cute, you know,
but you don't have to
sign up for a life sentence.
I mean, getting spliced is
not the object of this cruise.
Getting your chimes rung is.
This has nothing to do with
chimes ringing or splicing at all.
Oh, good, man, because Wendy and me made
that marriage scene for about 10 years,
and we're here to tell you
it is nowhere.
What?
Let me absorb this slowly.
- You and Wendy were married?
- Yeah.
- I mean, to each other.
- Oh, right on. Yeah.
We got divorced about three years ago,
and we've been having a ball ever since.
- Well, I wish you all the luck in the world.
- Thank you.
In the meantime,
is there a priest on board?
Well, hey, what about
what's his name?
Who? Oh, yeah,
I know, yeah.
There was some cat that told
me he flunked out of divinity school.
- Is that any help?
- Does he speak Latin?
Last night he was kind of
into Romance languages.
That's funny.
That's very funny.
Will you find him and bring
him back here in about an hour?
Yeah, okay. And then you wanna
put on your Lady Godiva outfit for me?
You know, Mel, you just never
had any respect for our marriage.
- What are you talking about?
- You know what you really are?
- What'd you find out?
- We were right.
When I placed the call from
my cabin, I got through fine.
- I talked to your editor, Mr. Vincenzo.
- Yeah.
Oh, gee, does he sound
like he needs a vacation.
Anyway, he seemed very upset...
when I mentioned you wanted
stuff about mutilation murders.
- That follows.
- He sounded awful.
I mean, coughing and sneezing.
Apparently he has the flu.
But he still has to come into work
because nobody else is in the office.
- I don't get it.
- You wouldn't understand.
What did he say
about the animal attacks?
Well, last month, in
Yellowstone County, Montana,
a family of five was killed.
The authorities there believe
that they were attacked by...
Wolves.
And before that, a six-man
NATO radar team in Greenland...
NATO? Tell me the date.
It was exactly one month before the
Yellowstone County incident, right?
Yes, that's right.
Five were mutilated beyond
recognition, but one survived.
- What was his name?
- It's not listed here.
There's no record of him? Who he was?
Where he went? Where he came from?
No.
Listen, I gotta meet a guy. You stay here,
right here in this room, and do not move.
No matter what happens, do
not leave this room. Is that clear?
- Yes.
- I mean, those are orders, right?
Lock the door behind me. On
second thought, I'll lock it for you.
- Oh. Well, you got it?
- Yeah, where's the money?
Money, money, here. Here's your money.
$50. Could I have a receipt for that?
We gotta find a better place
to make the pass.
The what?
Just give it to me, please.
I wanna make sure you're
satisfied. You got the right material.
And besides, I wanna make sure
nobody's giving me any phony money.
- What are you talking about?
- Now, don't laugh.
I got a trunkful of lira, marks
and pounds that ain't worth a dime.
But those are American dollars.
So what? What do you think
it's gonna be worth tomorrow?
Oh, good evening, ma'am.
Sir.
Besides, I'm getting
some pretty bad vibes here.
I don't like the smell
of this whole thing.
Let's go down to my compartment.
Who is it?
Me.
- Paula Griffin, this is George...
- Just first names, okay?
- Okay.
- Hey, that's nice stuff.
Genuine Vallarchon.
You wanna unload it?
- It's not ours.
- It doesn't make any difference.
Wi... Will you put it down, please? Let's
see what you got. Come on. Come on.
That's silver plate.
That's not sterling silver.
Haven't you got any real
silver aboard this ship?
- Sure.
- Well, get it.
- Uh-uh, not for any price.
- Why?
It's the buttons on
the captain's dress uniform.
Oh?
- What are you doing here?
- How did you get in here?
If I told you, Captain,
you'd clap me in irons.
Clap you in irons. I'll have
you keelhauled for this.
Well, Captain, you seem to
be fond of living in the past,
so perhaps you'd be
interested in knowing...
that there is a werewolf
on board.
- Really?
- Really.
Article 22,
revised Maritime Code:
Should any passenger or passengers
exhibit, in the captain's opinion,
an unbalanced state of mind,
- the captain may order that such
passenger be put... - To sleep. Yes, I know.
I won't deny we've had trouble.
My officers concur with me that
we've had a psychotic killer on board.
A psychotic killer? What about
the drugs missing from the infirmary?
The man may have had
a serious drug problem.
But since the attacks
have stopped,
obviously one of
three things has happened.
The man fell overboard,
the man committed suicide,
or the man suffered
serious injuries...
and crawled away to the
bowels of the ship to die.
Or the thing is still alive and
waiting for the moon to rise.
- The moon.
- The moon. The full moon.
Check your nautical charts,
Captain, for the exact time.
Have Mr. Hallem come up here
with the security party, please.
Listen, you've seen the
photographs that I took.
Did you see
a psychotic killer in that?
All right, I will address you
in terms you will understand.
You will understand and
comply with the following orders.
All security personnel are to
be equipped with silver bullets.
Those silver bullets are
to be blessed by a priest,
not in English, but in Latin.
Furthermore, sir, before moonrise,
all passengers and personnel...
are to be restricted to their cabins
with the doors bolted and locked.
- End of orders, sir.
- Yes, sir.
- Take him below.
- Take him below.
Now wait just one minute.
If you put me some place against
my will and something happens to me,
you're gonna have to write a
new chapter in the Maritime Code,
or my editor's name
is not Antonio Vincenzo.
Your editor.
Release him.
- Not here, outside!
- Just a minute now.
Wait a minute, fellas.
Wait just one second.
- Mr. Hallem.
- Yes, sir?
Ask Royer
how much time we'd buy...
if we changed course now and
tried to outrun the rising moon.
- Sir?
- Nothing!
- Hey, Paula.
- Hiya.
Here's your man, Jay Remy.
Here it is in the pot.
It has to be blessed.
Hey, is this gonna take long?
I've invested a lot of time
in a couple of young ladies...
Just do it, will you? I mean,
just mumble something in Latin.
It doesn't make a lot
of difference...
- Are you folks loaded? What's going on?
- Nothing is going on.
I just need you to bless this
pot of melted silver, that's all.
I mean, we haven't got much
time. See, that's the problem.
So, if you know anything
in Latin, a prayer, anything?
Well, I know a nuptial
prayer pretty good.
Well, that doesn't sound
quite right to me.
- Mm, a prayer for the dead?
- Yeah, that sounds more like it.
Now, if you ever need any
more blessings, we'll talk about it.
You just come on down
to my cabin.
We'll have a little
drinky-winky or something,
but leave Hi-Ho Silver here.
If I were you, I'd go back to my
cabin, lock the doors, stay sober...
and remember some more prayers.
10:21 p.m.,
Bernhardt Stieglitz,
ordinary career soldier,
answered a primordial call...
and had a most
extraordinary dream.
A nightmare that no human being could
ever imagine or begin to comprehend.
Mr. Stieglitz?
Mr. Stieglitz. It's George.
Are you all right?
Get in your cabin, you dum-dum.
The body was never recovered.
When the old ship was scrapped, all
evidence was scrapped along with her.
Of the 11 crewmen
and four passengers...
attacked by the beast, it is not
known how many actually died.
The injured?
Well, they disappeared.
Rumor has it to Switzerland, to undergo
treatment for a rare blood disease.
The shipping line would only admit to
having had a psychotic stowaway on board.
The killer had fallen
overboard after being cornered...
by ship's officers,
so they said.
All traces of Bernard Stieglitz
vanished. His baggage was gone.
His name could not be found
in any passenger manifest.
NATO officials claim no such man
had ever existed in their organization.
And any attempt to publish a
werewolf story about such a man...
would be met with the
heaviest legal artillery.
Vincenzo, always gun-shy, conveyed
that message to me in no uncertain terms.
So, here the story sits,
for good, I guess.
No one but you and I
know the real truth.
The real story.
Cab!
Ah. That's it.
To the airport, huh?