Klovn (2005–2021): Season 8, Episode 7 - Forstanderen - full transcript

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I want to say on behalf of everyone that
it's so good of you to step in.

Thank you, for choosing me to lead
the school while Jørgen is ill.

I know it as an old student -

- but sitting at here the head of the
table is an honour. How is Jørgen?

He's been diagnosed with acute
sequela after his accident.

We've had to put up dark curtains in his room.
He reacts violently to light.

We can only hope that he gets better.
I've been planning.

Tomorrow I've invited Casper Christensen to do a talk.

I think young people will like it.
He's damn good on a loose rope.

One, who is on the not so loose ...
It's probably a surprise.

I have an agreement in place with
the author Hanne-Vibeke Holst.



She's coming the day after tomorrow.
I just need to reserve the minibus.

- So I can pick her up.
- May I just ask?

- Doesn't the principal pick up the guests?
- He's ill.

- But, I'm the principal now.
- You're acting principal.

Either way I'm the principal.
I'll be picking up Hanne-Vibeke.

This is how we do it here at the folk high school.

Isn't it just good? Coming out here ...

- The ceiling is high.
- It suits you.

I'd like to be the permanent principal.

I'd like to be here permanently too.

- Then I can sit and write.
- Maybe Jørgen won't come back.

- If we're lucky, he'll retire.
- I could work out here.

The day after tomorrow, Hanne-Vibeke
will arrive. Well, now.

Great personalities come to us,
instead of us having to chase them.



I'll be able to show her my short story.

Yes ... You're confused...

She's coming to evaluate the students.
We need to be more professional.

Things have to go right.
I don't beat the students either.

Happiness and bright nights.

Now. We're going to have a guest speaker.

I give you Casper Christensen.
Give him a hand!

Thanks. We'll go straight to the
questions. Let's go.

- How was your childhood?
- It's still going.

- Tyson comes in and sits down...
- Why would you become an actor?

I just wanted to be famous.
Being in the spotlight...

What happened?
I thought that was a statement.

I was born with fireworks in my ass.

I've regretted everything and nothing.

Ah, man. It was good.
I presented myself in a new way.

As a mentor. No, what fun!
I still have the young people ...

Very impressive. Hi, Gitte.

Sorry. Hi. Hi.

- It's been many years.
- It is very much. 21.

- Is it 21 years ago?
- December 23 will be 21 years ago.

- Yes. Until Christmas.
- 23 December.

How do you get the nerve to come here where I work?

I was invited to give the young people
some experience and life knowledge.

- You've got plenty of that.
- What's the problem?

- Just settle down. Gitte.
- No, no, no!

You need to shut up!
I don't want to do this.

That was unbelievable. What just happened?

- I'm in shock.
- Did you hit her?

No one gets so angry without hitting them.

- Was it bad?
- I made a soft pussy break.

A soft pussy Brexit.

You make little problems and blame them.

If you take on the debt yourself, it's deducted.

A soft pussy Brexit.

- Exactly.
- I've never done anything else.

- The end is soft?
- They get bored.

I was glad to see her. She tried
to take her own life.

- No.
- Oh, yes.

- Are you picking up?
- What do you think?

- Talk to her.
- Shut up, Frank.

I'm damn happy to be here!
And you shit in my nest!

I'll go downstairs and say sorry.
Then you can play superintendent.

Frank. Do you have a moment?

- You don't just sneak in.
- There's something I need to show you.

I've given a warning.
This is where it happened.

- Where Jørgen hit his head.
- You have to be aware of that.

Okay.

Hey.

- Is everything okay?
- Yes. It's going damn well.

It's something of a mouthful with
a principal's job.

I've thrown myself into it and
I'll take it as it comes.

Okay.

- We need to talk to you, Frank.
- What is it?

Jesper has done a black face.

- Where are you coming from?
- In the school play.

The drama? What has happened?

Jesper has painted his face black.
He's Barack Obama.

I just need to keep it fair.
When he's Obama, he has to ...

No, he does not.

Okay. Now I understand. It's that
he has black on his face.

- Yes.
- Okay. Good. I will take care of it.

- Now?
- I'm doing something now. Calm down.

- Good luck.
- Yes.

- Now the principal takes action.
- That's good, Frank.

Is Barack Obama in here?

- Did you come to tell me off?
- No.

I have to find out what's going
on. You're not a racist, are you?

- No, I'm not racist.
- I just needed to hear that.

I'm writing to Mie that you said sorry.

- Have I ruined my career?
- What kind of career?

My acting career. That's the only
thing I'm passionate about.

Yes. You quickly get the idea
that you can do anything you want.

Out in the real world, it's not
a good thing at all.

Skip the play. It's a miserable life.

You're just waiting for people to call.
You become a whore.

If you are in a brothel in Spain,
there are a number of girls.

It is always the same girl who gets chosen.

The fat girl from Romania is never chosen.

You don't have to be the fat girl.
Yes. It was a good conversation.

- Yes, yes.
- Lighten up.

- Stop! I can't stand light.
- Yes, yes.

- Turn it off. What were you thinking?
- I just wanted to see how you feel.

Not so good. I have a
throbbing headache.

That's awful. It's just because...

If you don't come back, I would like to
apply for the position of principal.

We also have Bjarne.

- What do you mean?
- I haven't even thought about it.

But, exactly ... Has Bjarne asked himself?

I have a headache. Don't bother me.

And all that stuff doesn't help.
- Get well.

- Thanks.
- Remember that I'd like to be principal.

Hi.

I thought you were going home.

I almost was, but I had to talk to Gitte.

I fucked her. I've done a
soft pussy break on her again.

She wanted to see me again.

- You didn't have to do that.
- I had to.

- How is she?
- She cried.

- Don't blame me!
- You've had a soft pussy break.

- Frank.
- I'm happy to be here.

- It's okay!
- I'm considering applying for the position.

Of course you do. You have the
jacket, the shoes and the little cup. Perfect.

Let me be now, to hell!

Frank, I just wanted to let you know that
Bjarne is picking up Hanne-Vibeke.

The principal has to pick her up!
We've talked about it!

Hi Hanne-Vibeke. Welcome to our school.

- Thanks.
- It's a pleasure.

- I'm the principal.
- Acting principal.

- Superintendent.
- Hanne-Vibeke.

Bjarne.

The principal picks up guests at the station.

- We have to move some things around.
- We'll take it over to my car.

We'll put the bag in. It can just as
easily go with her.

- There is no tradition for this.
- It's not about that.

- That you have access to the minibus...
- Give me the bag.

You mustn't drive and... You must not...

Hanne-Vibeke, we'll be off.
Then we can chat a little on the road.

Then I'll go with you.

You have your car.

- Can't we pick it up afterwards?
- No. You have to drive it back yourself.

- Now we've said hello.
- Yes.

An amazing talent.

I'll do it. I'll give her my short story.

- No honey. We've talked about it.
- Do you mind?!

It's unprofessional. No, honey.
I'll come up with something.

I'll give it to her later.
This second is a bit messy.

"The Black Lover".
What the hell is that?

You should know that. You've read it.

Yeah, yeah.

- Then why do you ask?
- I didn't know that you kept the title.

- Hi, Jørgen.
- It's a bad time.

- Did you ask Bjarne yet?
- It will have to wait.

I'll make it short. He is completely
unsuitable as principal.

I can't put my finger on it, but between...
- I'm here, Frank.

Please turn off the light, damn it!

It's best you go. I have to discuss
something with Jørgen.

- See you, Frank.
- You'll be damn sorry.

Bjarne, that idiot.

- I wonder if I can sack him.
- Nice, that you slipped it in her bag.

It was a nice solution. Now she's reading it.

- Maybe she's reading it right now.
- You can sneak in at 10 o'clock.

- Can I do that?
- I'm the principal.

Don't ask any questions. Just listen.

So you don't reveal yourself.

Imagine if she could help me get it published.

Did you call me a whore?!

And my son?!

This is a high school, right? Do you not
have theatre on the program?

And so you allow yourself to say that it
is a whore's business!

I don't know what you're talking about.

You called my son, who goes to your school,
a whore -

his father a whore and my profession a whore.

Is Jesper your son?

- Yes! Is his name Jesper Sandø?!
- Come in, Waage.

- Do you want a small glass?
- Does it need to be small?

It's good. To be an actor is
not to be a whore.

- It's about creating art.
- Cheers to that. Cheers.

Art describes life from cradle to grave.

Exciting. Well, but it's been a good night.

I can set aside some time and
run a course here.

I've also given lectures.
- I just want to say that I'm going to bed.

Good idea. It's a new day tomorrow.
We have Hanne-Vibeke Holst visiting.

There. What I wanted to say ...
Fly, they screamed, fly, what can escape!

Who stands for Denmark's Christians in battle?

No! Hell, honey! I've over slept!

It's the morning gathering.
I'm supposed to ring the bell.

- Frank!
- It's our morning meeting.

- Bjarne took it, and it went so well.
- No, fucking hell! What did you sing?

"How Beautiful the Danish Coast Smiles".

And on another matter...
Have you seen Gitte? I can't find her.

It's weird.
- Why?

Didn't you notice that she left dinner early?

- She may have taken her own life.
- She what?

I didn't tell you this...

She's been suicidal before.

Why would she do that?

It can be something stupid,
Waage Sandø has shouted.

He was over last night. He was standing
in the garden shouting whores.

You just need to find her.
And don't be sneaking up.

I never hear you when you come.
It's scares me.

Hi Hanne-Vibeke. Sorry I wasn't at
the morning meeting.

It is okay. Skriver-Bjarne took it.
He's good.

He's one of our good teachers.

- He's done a great job.
- Yes. How is the level?

I've read the short stories.
They're quite good.

There is one that stands out.

- "The Black Lover"?
- It's very, very bad.

But it's good to teach, you can
learn a lot from it. Hi.

Hi. I'm Mia. I'm Frank's wife.

Well, okay. The headmistress.

Right now. I just wanted
to sneak in and listen.

- Just sit down.
- I'd like that.

Aren't we doing something else?

Why don't we drive into Elsinore?

- We'll go out and have lunch.
- No.

Frank...

You have to stop that! It's frightening!

There's a kayak that's gone.
I'm thinking of Gitte.

- You think Gitte took it.
- Yes, this is serious.

Yes. We have to look for Gitte.
We'll all meet out in the yard.

- That's all.
- Are you coming back?

- We have to cancel.
- What ?! I just arrived.

I know. I'm super upset. Yes.

Frank! I've found a paddle!
Is that Gitte's?

I have no idea. Is it a kayak paddle?

- Is Gitte dead?
- Hell no!

That's a horrible thing to say.
She's gone for a walk -

- and has thrown a paddle on
the shore. You have to look further.

She's somewhere here. Spread out!

So...

Hey, Fnug. Did I call the wrong phone?

Okay. Can you get Casper. Now.

I'm at the high school.
We're missing one person.

And.

Casper knows her.

Or... has met the person.

Yes. Okay. Thanks.

Frank.

Fuck! Stop it! By hell!

I'm leading a search, and then you sneak in!

You're messing up the sand!

Hanne-Vibeke wants to go home,
and Bjarne is driving her.

You lead the search!

Stop!

Hey Hey! Bjarne, stop!

- I'll drive.
- I'm driving her now. Away.

- It's the principal's job.
- You cancelled her visit.

You don't have to deal with that.
I'm coming too.

- Hi Hanne-Vibeke.
- Hello. So you need to be involved.

I'll come with you. I have a stubbornness
to drive the guests.

- Hi. I'll also go with you.
- What are you doing?

Just talk a little bit about those short stories.

- Why?
- I need to catch the train.

- That's what I thought.
- Thanks.

It's a pity that you didn't get to
talk about the young people's short stories.

I would've liked to say: "You're well on your
way. But, you have a bit to learn yet."

There was one story that stood out in particular.

- Okay. - It was called "The Black Lover".

Okay, was it just a bit better?

No, just the opposite.

It was cliché and stereotypical.

A white woman travels to Zanzibar
and is with a black man.

This woman brushes off his throbbing limb.

- Housewife stuff.
- Isn't she a detective?

No, she's not. She is a
tired, Danish housewife -

- who needs some delicious sex, and she gets it.

There's nothing wrong with that -

- but whoever wrote it simply can't write.

- Bye.
- Get home safely.

- Bye. It was a pleasure.
- Yes, yes.

I'm going home to Frederiksberg.

- You're home?
- Yes I am.

Well...

Yes. Do you want to drive the van?

Bjarne, stop, stop here.

- Hi.
- Hi, Casper.

- Hey, Frank.
- You've come up here.

You've put into Fnug many things that
I don't think she should have put into.

Yes. I was surprised that Fnug answered.

We're a couple and we can
talk on each other's phones.

- Thanks. Now we'll drive home.
- No that's not all ...

- She has not been found yet.
- Okay.

- Frank. Frank. She was out to sea.
- Hi Gitte!

- Let's go.
- What did I say?

- How good it is to see you.
- Thanks for your concern.

Where did you find her?

I'm bad at kayaking, and I dropped the paddle.

To hell, what fear. We've been so scared.

We thought you had taken your life.

- That was a violent thought.
- It was because Waage screamed whore.

I know nothing about that.

Well Waage Sandø was standing in
my garden shouting whores.

I thought it may have triggered something.

- Okay... Because I'm a whore?
- No no! Just because...

Since I'd been with Casper,
I had to commit suicide.

May I just throw in a word here?
Hi Gitte. That was many years ago.

It's been 48 hours since you came and
stabbed me with your barrel ...

You can't deny it. I was lying there
with my little finger up your asshole.

- I'm completely speechless.
- Yes, you're so clever.

- I'm going in ...
- Yes. Don't!

- You're so fucking high and mighty!
- Let's go back to class.

What a drama we're witnessing.

I haven't been with her. Quiet now.

- Shall we go have a cup of coffee?
- I would like a cup of coffee.

It sounds really nice.
- I have a plan.

We are unsure about what has happened.

Gitte claims one thing, but you have
are saying something else.

Yes. I can say that I had been with
Gitte almost all day.

We went to Copenhagen and walked around
the lakes. Then the whole evening passed.

We had a small drink.

I dropped her off at the Admiral Hotel
and there she slept all night.

Well...

Thanks so much.

- In other words...
- Shall I follow you out?

Yes.

- Outstanding performance.
- Yes. That is what we agreed on.

- Remember that thing with drama teaching.
- I have to think about it.

"The Black Lover".

Hi, darling. It's me.

I just want to see if you're still angry.

You don't have the answer
dickpic that I sent you yesterday.

You got nothing? Just let me check.

Mie?

Frank, what the hell is that ?!
You sent me a dickpic! Blackdicking!

What's the hell's that?!

Oww!

No, honey! Turn off the light!

They have a new principal at the folk high school.
Skriver-Bjarne.