Klovn (2005–2021): Season 8, Episode 2 - Frank the prank - full transcript

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I heard the President of the United States,
Joe Biden, a 77-year-old man, say -

- that the problem for the climate
is that too many children are born.

But one must remember that the number of
children in the world has been constant ...

Hi.

- I'm doing a podcast.
- What?

- I'm making Frank's Break.
- Okay.

The number of children in the West
has been constant since 1950.

There will be more on the planet
as old people get older and older ...

- I can hear everything in the microphone!
- Okay.

- I'm doing it quietly.
- Listeners shouldn't hear you.

It's about the climate. It's an important topic.



If you want to save the climate, you do
not need to concentrate on children.

You just have to shoot Joe Biden.
Said with a twinkle in his eye.

I can feel you standing there.

Have you heard my new podcast?

- Ah, which one is it?
- The one with Joe Biden.

Population growth.

We were going to listen to it.

Podcasts and I never became good friends.

- Mads also has a new job. - You won't listen to it.

Even though you don't do shit.
- I've been pretty busy.

- What are you busy with?
- The reading club. Check this out ...

It's insanely exciting.

- Do you need food, Bo?
- No, I'm good.

I hadn't heard of her before. Have a look.



She writes insanely well.

Insanely? You need to read much more then...
You've turned off your brain.

- It's insanely exciting.
- Insane is a diagnosis.

It's a dilution of the language if you
keep saying insane.

- Can you just stop?
- You're diluting the language.

You say you're interested in literature,
yet you're ruining it.

God, I am not. Can you clear this up?

- Is it out here?
- It was an excellent scrambled egg.

- No, insanely good scrambled eggs.
- We can only get Bo to ... clear.

Bo! Hey! The earth calls Bo!

Bo, are you there ?! Just try ...

- You can just clear the table.
- Mia can do that.

No, let the boy do it. Now. Please.

I'm worried about him.

He smokes cannabis all day.

We're trying to get him out the door.
He can't keep a job.

- Does he have no job?
- No. He farts about all day.

It doesn't matter what we try.

You know what, Mads?

He can work with us.
He mustn't ruin his life.

He can make himself useful there.
He's cheap too, right?

I'm looking forward to it.
I've never seen an MMA match live.

- Conor McGregor.
- We need get some ladies too.

I want to rent a car and take
a drive in the desert.

If we're going to bury a corpse...
sure, we'll do it.

- You shouldn't say that at.
- It's a joke.

I've got a problem with this ESTA.
There are too many questions.

Is the United States an immigrant country?
It's damn impossible to enter.

I'm finished mine. Send.

Are you done?
You started before me though.

Fill it in now. It's like you're always
a little bit lame in relation to me.

- I've had a lot on lately.
- Yes. That's probably it.

There've been lots of podcasts,
and then I have ...

Don't be angry.
- Yes, I'm finished. Just say.

I've employed Bo as our assistant
for three months.

- Okay. Yeah.
- It's ok, I'll probably take care of him myself.

- Isn't he supposed to handle us?
- He's smoked too much cannabis.

He's been fired and is lounging
around at home.

Mads and Katrine are insanely worried.

- He's starting to get addicted.
- Shouldn't he just get a job?

That's what I was thinking.
It's not too late to correct people.

You have to keep educating yourself.
I always say:

"You're a little bit gifted."

- It's not to educate.
- We're going to Las Vegas.

We'll see Conor McGregor. No?
See you in an hour.

- What? Where do we meet?
- I told you.

Honey? We've got dinner at Carøe's.

In 20 minutes.
- You didn't say that.

- I have to finish 150 pages a day.
- You'll have to read them tomorrow.

What do you look like?
You have to wear something else.

- Well ... - I've not been in the shower either.

You don't have time to shower! It's a no-go.

I just have to say that I'm
really looking forward to it.

It's perhaps the greatest sports
experience of my life.

Yes. It's gonna be damn good.

- Yes. We will have a nice time.
- You won't even know that we're gone.

We're looking forward to it.
I think we should go out.

- Yes.
- I'm not going out.

- Why?
- Are you in the tea shop in the evening?

No, but I'm in a reading club.

- What kind of reading club is it?
- What are you reading?

It's insanely exciting.

It's one of the top intellectual ladies.

- Who? - Stéphanie Surrugue.

I did her. It doesn't matter.

- Who else is involved?
- Natasja Crone.

Now you stop.
Fnug, he's kidding.

- Nothing.
- It's inappropriate.

- Who else? Is it a long book?
- I won't say a word.

- Jacqueline Friis-Mikkelsen.
- Casper? Finish.

- What are you reading?
- We're reading detective stories right now.

- It makes me shiver.
- I can't shiver at all.

- Is that right?
- Yes.

It's crazy.

Several doctors have looked at it.
"Whats happening here?"

Please! Just shut up!
Surely you've had a chill.

Do you think it's funny to have
a serious condition?

I suppose you don't blink either?
It's like breathing.

There are some things you can't control.
- It's possible to tame.

- You're not Aquaman. -What?
- Aquaman. - It's got nothing to do with it.

I can't get a chill.

Can't close the back hole either?
There was a lot here that smelled.

This is our creative board.
Here, our best ideas have been developed.

You're not to fiddle with it.
- That's another rule?

You have no idea when you smoke cannabis.

- Do you have a phone?
- Yes.

Good.

You only need one number.

Have glass of water. Drink everything.

- What is it?
- Water. Drink it up.

- Why?
- Because I say so.

Look me in the eyes. Keep going.

- Do we need water as well?
- You can control yourself.

Yes. Good.

It's cool you're here.

Do you mind closing the window?

- Should I? We're in a draught.
- You'll have to freeze.

There is no need to keep the
window open. It's cold.

See, look here.

Frank, try to listen ...
You can sit there and look at my arm.

- You're freeze, Frank.
- No, no. I'm too hot.

Like that.

Now it's good.
That's how I work best.

- Like this. That's damn good.
- I approve.

Frank... ESTA. Check if you have it.

- They can take some time.
- I can't come in.

- It says: "Border Protection Travel denied."
- Then you made a mistake.

- Why can't I get in?
- I don't know.

You've obviously filled it out in a
way that you can't enter. Hello?

- Can't we get something?
- Coffee?

- Think for yourself!
- Why can't I come in ?!

I can't enter the United States.

I'm the only one who has not received a visa.

And the crazy thing is that I
haven't received any explanation.

And then I have to listen to Casper.

He thinks he's sharper than me.
Have I seemed fuzzy lately?

Honey?

- Did you saying something?
- Yes. Didn't you hear me?

Wait, I have to stop it.

I thought it was a reading club,
not a listening club.

- What are you saying? -
Are you cheating?

Otherwise I won't finish it.

Can you let me listen to that
and stop interrupting?

I have a friend...

he's pulled a few strings. Balh, blah, balh.
You have to submit another application.

- Are you sure?
- You got another chance. -Yes!

There's a red flag on you in the United States.

- I've got a flag?
- You must have made a mistake.

- Christensen. You get another chance. - Vegetarian is pre-ordered.

- That's me.
- There's also some dry cleaning.

- It's yours. -Yep.

Your assistant called.

It must be Bo.

That was devilish. Well done!

- Do you want to sit inside or outside?
- Inside. It's biting cold.

- We'll sit outside.
- What are you saying?

- Are you going to sit inside?
- We want to sit outside.

- It's very cold. - I can't shiver.

- We have heat lamps.
- You can turn them off. Sit down.

- Keep a blanket ready.
- No, no. Now go and sit down.

- Follow me. - It's great.

Honey?

Mia?

Honey?

"That deal lasts no more than six weeks," laughed Lena Hest.

Jessica shook and decided it was the last day with the lawyer -

- but she should be much wiser.

Chapter 15. Manchester. When Mary lay down on the sofa...

Chapter 28. On the high seas. Both Mary and Jessica ...

- Have you get a sore throat?
- That's all I need now.

I've been out with Casper.

I'll break him sometime.

Are you going to listen to the book now?

- Yes. Otherwise I won't finish it.
- Is it long?

- I have to finish reading it.
- We also have to love sometimes.

Yeah, well, it can't be now.

There's simply no passion in
this relationship anymore.

You don't support me in reading it?

I back you 100%. But, we still need
to charge the batteries.

Otherwise you won't get through such a book.

So ... Can I not read in the meantime?

- While we cuddle?
- Like this. So just come.

Can you take off your panties?

- Can you take off your panties?
- Can't you just pull them aside?

- Aside, like that? - Yes.

There are some things related to
the visa that need to be filled out.

It went wrong the first time.

You have filled in most things,
but you have to tick these.

Sign here and there.

Fantastic. Then just get it delivered.

Remember the contact lenses.

Lunch is ordered from the usual.

That's fantastic. Isn't it crazy?

A dying chick came in, and now
there's a giant whistling bird.

Bo? Did I give you water today?

- You gave me water yesterday. Not today.
- Good, I'll get it.

- What about the water?
- I'm just giving him some water.

- You're wearing shorts.
- Yes. Well noticed.

- It was just so hot.
- Are thinking about getting pregnant?

Is it because you forgot your
sweater in the freezer where you slept?

If I didn't know better, I would
think you were a comedian.

- What is it? - I'm just giving a little ...

I'm refreshing Bo a little.

- What is it?
- Microdosing.

- Then the brain works faster.
- Two drops of what?

Vitamins.
- What type of vitamins?

It's LSD that's in the bottle.

So ... Drugs?

Well... I don't know if it's in the
category of drugs.

It's just LSD.

- Are you completely crazy?
- He doesn't know.

He doesn't know. And that's better?!

He has a hash addiction and you've helped
him become addicted to LSD.

That's one-eleventh of a trip. It's nothing.

That, Casper. There, I have to draw a line.

You have to stop it,
because it's really illegal.

That legislation needs to be changed.
- Just stop, Casper.

- I have stopped.
- Good.

- Perfect. Bo, there is no more water.

- Which page are you on?
- 181.

- Hello.
- Hello.

When Mary had placed her with
the child and left the room.

It's weird that it happens first.

They found the body there.

No. They haven't found it yet.

- Yes.
- Shall we talk about something else?

Let's focus on Jessica's development,
which is so wild.

- The demons.
- You'll find out in the end.

That too, I thought, came a little abruptly.

We have that description at the beginning.

- Mia, have you read this book?
- Yes. Of course I have.

It doesn't feel like that when you cycle
around in the chapters and so on.

It's not cool that I flew home from Paris
if you haven't read the book.

I have read it. Or, have I listened ...

I didn't have all the time in the world -

- so I only listened to the last half.

One of the premises for this book club
is that we read.

It's a reading club, not a listening club.

I think that's that.

The reading experience is absolutely necessary.

Find out what kind of club you
want to join. Maybe it's not ...

- Our club. - No.

I don't know either ...

I need the bathroom.

Awkward...

- It's okay.
- It's very unfortunate for her.

I'm Mia's husband.

She is ...

She's been very nervous.

It may very well cause her brain to melt down.

- She seems stupider than normal.
- Just tell her goodbye.

- Yes. Yes. - Yes.

They're gone.

Mia?

Can you open the door?

I want to go to sleep.

Frank.

Good morning, honey.

Coffee?

That was all pretty stupid.

- I'm ungifted. - No.

- I was all over the place. - You do it freely.

The others read from a to b.
Completely locked on top of the head.

- Stéphanie Surrugue isn't sharp.
- It was humiliating.

Over for ...

Mouse...

I've been stupid.

I played a prank on you.

- What?
- I made a prank.

Sorry, honey.

No!

No, no, no! I have been rejected again!
Fucking hell!

How useless is he! You give him a task ...

Incompetent family member!
Is he stupid or what ?!

I can't go to the United States!

I can't see Conor McGregor now!
I'm going into the office.

- What kind of prank was it?
- I'm leaving. Bye.

Can you remember that I signed it
and you took it down to the embassy.

- It could very well be.
- I've been rejected again.

I was wondering if I could go earlier today.
Can I go early?

What?! No you can not!

Completely irresposible.

It's unbelievable that this is necessary.

I have to admit, I didn't think so.

It's for your own good.
Drink it. Look me in the eyes.

- He's fucked up.
- He goes back to microdosing.

- He hasn't finished the receipts.
- Can I just slow you down?

- What did you give him?
- The same that you gave him.

And you diluted it. It must be an eleventh mix.

- I gave him two drops.
- With the one sitting in the fridge?

- Is it the right one?
- I've taken the other one home.

- Is it not diluted?
- No, no. Every drop is a trip.

Why do you have two bottles ?!

- You can't keep them nearby!
- I have to see him with what you gave him.

- He was here a while ago.
- If he survives, it's fantastic.

Oh God.

This will change him for life.

It's 12 hours in the twilight zone.

He won't know what is upside down.
He'll see colours and unicorns.

I'm getting chills.

- Feel.
- I told you.

Hi, Bo. How are you?

I'm fine. Just a little headache.

We've talked about you having
to stay here for a few days.

I'll be back later.

- Take care.
- Thanks.

I don't know how it could happen.
High dose of LSD.

Have they measured that?

I don't understand how you
got it into your body.

- Don't push him.
- Where did it come from?

- It was Frank.
- What are you saying?

It all came on after Frank
gave me some bitter water.

He said I should look him in the eye.
- What?

- It didn't taste good.
- Are you sure?

Yes. What have you given him ?!

- We have ...
- What have you given our son?

What Bo is talking about is that we
were working with microdosing.

I don't understand what you're saying.

Casper has introduced Bo and me
to LSD microdosing.

I was skeptical myself,
but it worked damn well.

I took the undiluted bottle
instead of the diluted one.

That's why Bo reacted a little ...

... more than ...

- Come on.
- Sorry, Bo. Sorry, dear.

Now that you're up and about,
I can tell you that I shuffled your iPad.

Now, I can just as well say that I
shuffled up your iPad. Your novel.

Frank, can you take it outside?
I don't need to hear that.

How insanely stupid.
This time I mean insanely stupid.

This time you used the word correctly.

Hello, Hello.

We're on our way, but we thought
we could share a quick one.

Stupid that I left it up to Bo.

A drug addict.
- It's not Bos' fault.

- He submitted the application.
- No, no, no, no, no.

You threatened to kill the President...
Joe Biden. You wanted to kill him.

- No.
- Yes. Clear and present death threat.

I mentioned his name in a climate podcast.
It was satire.

They listen to that stuff over in the
United States and think "he's crazy".

- Have they listened to my podcast? - They have listened to it!

"I'm killing Joe Biden!"
"He's not coming in!"

- Well... So someone listens to it.
- You're big in the United States.

Hi Stephanie. It's Frank Hvam. Mia's man.

I just want to apologize for the mess I made.

I shuffled Mia's novel.

That's why she got it in the wrong order.

Mia isn't badly gifted at all.

Yes. That's how it is.

Bye, bye.

Now you can call Jacqueline.