Klovn (2005–2021): Season 7, Episode 3 - #Metoo - full transcript
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BACK ON THE TREADMILL
#METOO
- Jelly sandwich.
- Thanks.
Ready, sweetie?
- Are you making jelly sandwiches?
- It's for Malte.
- Did you get your jelly sandwich?
- Yes, I already got one.
- Oh, I made one too many.
- It wasn't for Malte was it?
I just think it's stupid when we've just
agreed that you do a zero-sugar diet.
I wasn't the only one who thought it was
annoying that you've gained weight.
- See you later.
- Yes, have a great day now.
Malte, you dropped jelly on the floor!
What the hell, you pig!
Don't eat off the floor!
Now, now, now.
- Hey, Frank. Wassup?
- Did you get run over or what?
No, no, I didn't.
What's the time now?
- 11. We had an appointment at 10.
- Sorry. I'm running a bit late.
- Have you been out?
- Yeah. Have I ever!
I haven't been home yet.
- Aren't you almost 50?
- Yep.
I have to tell you, Frank -
- that if you're gonna sulk like that,
I'd rather go home and sleep it off.
- That's what you were waiting for.
- No, I came to see what ...
You come here and breathe 100% alcohol
straight in my face.
Yeah, okay.
sorry.
- Hoping I'll react so you can go home.
- I could've just gone straight home.
And that's what I'll do now.
Good night.
Hi, sweetie.
Didn't you get my text?
I told you not to come.
No, I didn't get it.
Do you have plans?
- No, we're just talking.
- I thought you might want to hang out.
- I think I'll pass.
- Dooky, dooky, alright then.
- What? Dooky, dooky?
- Dooky, dooky. Isn't that what you say?
No one has ever said that.
- Okay. Well ...
- Yeah, see ya.
Yes.
- Hi, Andreas.
- Hi. Did you hear the good news?
Mia should tell you, but it's so huge,
and before I forget -
- thank you so much for letting me stay
with you this week. I appreciate it.
- You should tell him the news.
- Andreas says he's moving in.
No, that's not the good news.
Tell him, Mia.
I've hired waiter Boldt
to serve on Thursday.
- From the 'Matador' TV series?
- Yes. Actor Per Pallesen.
- What'll that cost us?
- He isn't charging me anything.
- He's doing it for free?
- "That sounds like fun. I'd love to."
- I think that's huge.
- Don't you think it's great?
Yeah, yeah. So he's gonna stay with us?
For how long?
- I don't know.
- You know there has to be a deadline.
You know I need a date for when people
leave or I fly into a panic.
Some juice for you over here.
And coffee,
It's a disaster with Cousin Andreas.
He's constantly in the can.
- I can't even use my own crapper.
- He's a pain in the ass.
We gave them Israel. That wasn't enough.
They've occupied my crapper, too.
Lene's seriously annoying ... I think
he used to be a snowboarder. Terje.
He's this adventurous type.
He's staying with us.
He's done it all. Whatever I mention
is never good enough.
I went to the Blue Planet Museum.
He swam with a shark.
He swam with the shark.
I only stared at it through glass.
Well, you're kinda easy to beat.
You haven't done that much.
Maybe not that sort of ...
But I think I've been around.
What?
Wassup, guys!?
Awesome that you stopped by, man!
- Hi.
- It's here!
- A quick look. Yes, yes, yes.
- One thing led to another.
- We've gotta go a second round.
- Yeah. We just wanted to stop by.
- It's so great to see you! We'll talk.
- See you, Frank. Take care.
- Brilliant boys.
- Gulddreng?
It's the band Citybois.
Can't you feel the energy?
Something shifted in the room.
You were all mopy ...
This is a present for you, Frank.
For you, Frank.
I just want to say,
yes, I'm an idiot for being late.
But I like you and appreciate our
friendship. So I got you something.
- Wow.
- A word of caution!
You'll be looking
straight at world history. It unfolds.
It's a phone.
- Of course it's a phone.
- A granny phone.
That would be one hell of a granny,
‘cause whose phone is it?
- It's Hitler's phone!
- What?
- Adolf Hitler's phone!
- Holy crap!
It's the phone Hitler had in his office
from 1936 to 1938.
- Where did you get it?
- I was with the Citybois.
We're a bit wasted
and pass by an auction, and I say:
"I'm bidding on that thing."
I bid on it, and I get it!
- And I want you to have it!
- It's so cool.
I just wanna say that if you go
through the company books -
- and funds are missing, it's because
I bought it through the firm.
I spent company money
when I bought it.
- What did it cost?
- It was really expensive.
But it should be viewed
as this amazing historical item ...
What did it cost?
It amounted to ...
And then freight ...
- Around 4 million kroner,
- 4 million kroner?
Kroner. Not euros.
- So, I paid 2 million for this?!
- No, I paid 2 million.
It doesn't help my 2 million
that you also lost 2 million!
If you paid 2 million,
and I paid 2 million it all equals out.
And a phone to boot.
You should be way more grateful.
It's insane that you've
spent 4 million kroner -
- on this old piece of crap
from WW2,
I don't wanna spend 2 million to look
at a sulky face. I'll take it home!
No! It's my phone, too.
- But you don't want it.
- Yes, I do. I'll take it home.
- No, it should be here!
- I'm taking it home.
- This makes no sense!
- And get some adult friends!
You look pathetic
hanging out with kids.
Eat some sugar, old moron!
Have you brought Hitler's phone
to your home?
Hitler's phone, that he used
to exterminate the Jews?
You know I'm Jewish, and you come home
with Hitler's phone?
Do you know what it represents?
Six million Jews were killed.
The Holocaust!
This is the worst thing
I've ever been subjected to.
- Not a smart thing to do.
- I'm not interested In it either.
I'd rather have had Chaplin's watch.
- But he bought this for company money.
- How much did it cost?
- 4 million kroner.
- You can't be serious.
- Hi, Fie.
- Why are you talking to me?
- You're my daughter.
- You sneak around my school.
You say "dooky, dooky"
like some pervert sleazeball.
You made me a laughing stock!
Don't ever come to my school again.
- What did you do, Frank?
- Nothing for once.
- She's about to start menstruating.
- Can't I be granted an exemption?
- To eat cake?
- We're here with Hitler's phone.
I've lost two million kroner.
Can't I have a slice of Swiss roll?
I'm surrounded by minority groups.
Teenagers. Jews.
Victim cultures all the way.
- Occupied!
- How long will you be in there?
Until the Jewish people
get an unreserved apology.
I think you're confusing things.
Open the door.
Why don't you use the kids' bathroom?
Because this is my toilet,
and it has underfloor heating.
Go use the children's toilet.
- Damn, you're gross.
- What?
- What's going on, honey?
- I think I just ate blood.
Oh, Fie's menstruating.
Why would you eat that?
- I thought it was jelly!
- Boldt just texted. I'm off.
Wish me luck!
Fie?
We have to talk about this.
I mean it's just really important -
- that you understand that there's
nothing wrong with menstruating.
- What you experience is normal.
- No. That wasn't normal!
My dad licking my menstruation blood.
Do you call that normal?
- No, that part isn't normal.
- Frank.
- Andreas, not right now.
- I just talked to the rabbi.
And the President of the Jewish
Community. They're shocked.
- Tell them I didn't buy that phone.
- They expect an apology.
I am so incensed and upset
that I'm moving out.
I'm moving to a hotel,
and you'll pay for it.
I could face severe consequences of you
whipping up a frenzy in the community!
I hate that phone, too!
But it's a done deal!
My money's tied up in it!
So. Where were we?
I just want to say that I'm sorry -
- that your first period became
such an awkward affair,
My first?
Dad, I've had it for two years.
Everything's a mess. Cousin Andreas
moved into a hotel for our money.
And Fie won't leave her room.
I can't handle it right now.
- Maybe if you talked to her.
- I can't handle this right now!
What's up with you?
Didn't it go well with waiter Boldt?
- No.
- Did no one show up?
- Sure.
- So what's the problem?
The problem was that he hoarded
pens, tea and napkins.
Well, he didn't charge you anything,
so it's only fair.
Maybe not fair, but we'll
have to accept a bit of pilfering.
- I don't have to accept that!
- But if people had a good time ...?
- What's the problem?
- It just wasn't a good experience!
It's a bad experience
that he nicked a pen?
- Jeez, what's that about?
- Mom is having her period, too.
- Hi, Helle. How's everything?
- Good. How about you?
- The usual for me, please.
- I'm so tempted to get a rum ball.
- Have one of Helle's balls!
- A Snickers. No, I shouldn't.
- Pit stop. Pit stop, people.
- Hi.
That's Terje.
- Hi, sweetie.
- Oh my God ...
- Hi. Frank.
- How are you doing? Ice cream?
- What flavor is it?
- Vanilla.
The sickest, craziest ice cream
I ever had was on Borneo.
Garlic and grasshoppers.
Grasshoppers?
Right!
My dad, who was a complete nutjob,
ran an orphanage for orangutangs.
I actually looked after a monkey once.
I had a monkey for two days.
For two days?
I grew up among monkeys.
- Okay.
- Not exactly the same.
I once had a monkey called Odd.
Know what it could do?
It could fill a dishwasher.
If you hired that monkey here, it would
do a better job than most people.
Let me show you something.
This isn't an ordinary backpack.
It's a backpack that comes in handy
in an avalanche.
We don't really get avalanches here
in Frederiksberg Park.
Great fit, right? You push this button,
and a huge balloon is inflated.
1t lifts you over the avalanche.
You'll walk on top of the show.
- One could listen to him for hours.
- It feels like we do.
See ya, motherfuckers!
- Terje, you forgot your backpack!
- Keep it. It was a sponsor gift.
- So now it's mine?
- An orange bag. Congratulations.
- He's always done something fiercer.
- Yeah, I noticed.
- How did the whole Boldt thing go?
- Not very well.
I don't know why.
Mia was really upset.
- I thought she was proud of it.
- Boldt was apparently greedy.
He took napkins
and wanted this and that.
- Oh,
- Are you talking about Per?
Yeah, Per Pallesen. Why?
- I hired him once, too.
- Did he take your napkins, too?
He wanted a little of everything.
Including to cup a feel.
- A what?
- To cup a feel. Under my blouse.
- On you?
- Yes, it was part of his payment.
- So he did it for free here, too?
- Yes. He always does the same thing.
- Did Per cup a feel on you?
- No.
Did he touch your breast?
I just talked to an ice cream lady.
She'd had him work a function
where he'd wanted to cup a feel.
I had to do it. The café was
full of expectant customers -
- and he refused to serve
if Ididn't let him.
So, Per Pallesen
touched your nipples?
- Did Per Pallesen touch your wee-wee?
- No.
- Did he finger your wee-wee?
- No!
So it wasn't free of charge.
No one does anything free of charge.
You were just greedy.
Per Pallesen is greedy. You're greedy.
He wanted tits.
You wanted a Matador event.
Do you have his number?
Hello, Frank Hvam here.
I'm the husband of Mia who works at ...
or owns Café Maude.
I'd like to have a word with you.
Okay. I'll be there in five minutes.
- I'm Frank.
- Hi, Frank. Hi.
I just heard you touched
my wife's breasts.
Yes, I did.
Is there something wrong with that?
My wife, my breasts.
Sometimes I get a pen or an umbrella.
Other times I may get
some waxed candles.
The other day someone gave me
a red bicycle pump.
It's tit for tat, right? I feel her
breasts, and she gets waiter Boldt.
- She did it willingly.
- You refused to serve!
Listen, I don't think that's
entirely true. She didn't say no.
If she'd said: "You can't do that,"
I wouldn't have done it. No harm done.
- So you're not ashamed?
- Not in the least.
- Your cheque.
- Will you get that, Frank?
No, I won't.
Then maybe I can have your backpack?
How about it?
- Hello? What about the backpack?
- Sure, why not.
Thanks. Thank you.
Say hi to Mia.
And he was stuck In it for two hours.
The rescuers had to get him loose.
Awesome!
I'm glad he got
what was coming to him.
- I doubt you've tried that, Terje.
- What?
- Being stuck in a revolving door.
- No, you've never tried that.
No, I've never been stuck
in a revolving door.
But I have been stuck
in a coal mine in China -
- when I toured the country
on my motorcycle.
I rode the same bike David Beckham
rode in South America.
You may as well give up.
You can't battle with Terje.
No matter what you've done, Frank,
I've done It ten times wilder.
Okay let's battle it out.
Listen to this.
- I've done a parachute jump.
- Solo?
No, tandem.
In 2001. Base jump.
- Twin Towers. September 10.
- Beat that.
The Danish fish, the eel.
The strongest fish in the ocean ...
I hold a 3-pound eel in one hand.
I rode a killer whale.
It wasn't in a show!
Neither was the eel.
- You rode a killer whale?
- Yeah, I actually did.
- And you held a giant eel.
- Giant eel. Ooh.
They're really hard to handle.
Requires muscles. Come again, Frank.
I've tasted my daughter's
menstruation blood.
- Yes.
- Yes. Back to you, Terje.
You're up.
- You pushed it further away.
- Damn it.
- Argh.
- My turn.
It'll be good for you
to get some sugar.
Terje left,
and I have my life back.
Petanque suits you much better
than running around with teenagers.
- Good one.
- Yeah, I think you're winning.
Yes, you are. I don't want to run around
with young people all the time.
But I won't play petanque all the
time either. A foot in each camp, Frank.
- Fie isn't talking to me.
- What?
- You act much older than you need to.
- I have both feet in the same camp.
That's a mistake.
But it's sad that you can't talk
to your own flesh and blood.
I have an Idea.
Hi, Fie. Look who's here.
Go on, boys.
It's the girl in the green jacket.
Wassup? Want a hug?
There.
- You know Citybois?
- Sure.
- How about a picture with Dad?
- Yes!
Thank you!
- Ready?
- Dooky, dooky.
Not now, Dad.
All done.
Are these your girlfriends? Hil
Want a hug, too?
It's fun.
- Hello?
- Casper, Andreas speaking.
- I'd like to talk to Frank.
- Unplug it.
You can't apologize to them
on Hitler's phone. That's insane.
- We're selling it.
- You're selling it, Frank.
Division of labor.
I bought it. You sell it.
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BACK ON THE TREADMILL
#METOO
- Jelly sandwich.
- Thanks.
Ready, sweetie?
- Are you making jelly sandwiches?
- It's for Malte.
- Did you get your jelly sandwich?
- Yes, I already got one.
- Oh, I made one too many.
- It wasn't for Malte was it?
I just think it's stupid when we've just
agreed that you do a zero-sugar diet.
I wasn't the only one who thought it was
annoying that you've gained weight.
- See you later.
- Yes, have a great day now.
Malte, you dropped jelly on the floor!
What the hell, you pig!
Don't eat off the floor!
Now, now, now.
- Hey, Frank. Wassup?
- Did you get run over or what?
No, no, I didn't.
What's the time now?
- 11. We had an appointment at 10.
- Sorry. I'm running a bit late.
- Have you been out?
- Yeah. Have I ever!
I haven't been home yet.
- Aren't you almost 50?
- Yep.
I have to tell you, Frank -
- that if you're gonna sulk like that,
I'd rather go home and sleep it off.
- That's what you were waiting for.
- No, I came to see what ...
You come here and breathe 100% alcohol
straight in my face.
Yeah, okay.
sorry.
- Hoping I'll react so you can go home.
- I could've just gone straight home.
And that's what I'll do now.
Good night.
Hi, sweetie.
Didn't you get my text?
I told you not to come.
No, I didn't get it.
Do you have plans?
- No, we're just talking.
- I thought you might want to hang out.
- I think I'll pass.
- Dooky, dooky, alright then.
- What? Dooky, dooky?
- Dooky, dooky. Isn't that what you say?
No one has ever said that.
- Okay. Well ...
- Yeah, see ya.
Yes.
- Hi, Andreas.
- Hi. Did you hear the good news?
Mia should tell you, but it's so huge,
and before I forget -
- thank you so much for letting me stay
with you this week. I appreciate it.
- You should tell him the news.
- Andreas says he's moving in.
No, that's not the good news.
Tell him, Mia.
I've hired waiter Boldt
to serve on Thursday.
- From the 'Matador' TV series?
- Yes. Actor Per Pallesen.
- What'll that cost us?
- He isn't charging me anything.
- He's doing it for free?
- "That sounds like fun. I'd love to."
- I think that's huge.
- Don't you think it's great?
Yeah, yeah. So he's gonna stay with us?
For how long?
- I don't know.
- You know there has to be a deadline.
You know I need a date for when people
leave or I fly into a panic.
Some juice for you over here.
And coffee,
It's a disaster with Cousin Andreas.
He's constantly in the can.
- I can't even use my own crapper.
- He's a pain in the ass.
We gave them Israel. That wasn't enough.
They've occupied my crapper, too.
Lene's seriously annoying ... I think
he used to be a snowboarder. Terje.
He's this adventurous type.
He's staying with us.
He's done it all. Whatever I mention
is never good enough.
I went to the Blue Planet Museum.
He swam with a shark.
He swam with the shark.
I only stared at it through glass.
Well, you're kinda easy to beat.
You haven't done that much.
Maybe not that sort of ...
But I think I've been around.
What?
Wassup, guys!?
Awesome that you stopped by, man!
- Hi.
- It's here!
- A quick look. Yes, yes, yes.
- One thing led to another.
- We've gotta go a second round.
- Yeah. We just wanted to stop by.
- It's so great to see you! We'll talk.
- See you, Frank. Take care.
- Brilliant boys.
- Gulddreng?
It's the band Citybois.
Can't you feel the energy?
Something shifted in the room.
You were all mopy ...
This is a present for you, Frank.
For you, Frank.
I just want to say,
yes, I'm an idiot for being late.
But I like you and appreciate our
friendship. So I got you something.
- Wow.
- A word of caution!
You'll be looking
straight at world history. It unfolds.
It's a phone.
- Of course it's a phone.
- A granny phone.
That would be one hell of a granny,
‘cause whose phone is it?
- It's Hitler's phone!
- What?
- Adolf Hitler's phone!
- Holy crap!
It's the phone Hitler had in his office
from 1936 to 1938.
- Where did you get it?
- I was with the Citybois.
We're a bit wasted
and pass by an auction, and I say:
"I'm bidding on that thing."
I bid on it, and I get it!
- And I want you to have it!
- It's so cool.
I just wanna say that if you go
through the company books -
- and funds are missing, it's because
I bought it through the firm.
I spent company money
when I bought it.
- What did it cost?
- It was really expensive.
But it should be viewed
as this amazing historical item ...
What did it cost?
It amounted to ...
And then freight ...
- Around 4 million kroner,
- 4 million kroner?
Kroner. Not euros.
- So, I paid 2 million for this?!
- No, I paid 2 million.
It doesn't help my 2 million
that you also lost 2 million!
If you paid 2 million,
and I paid 2 million it all equals out.
And a phone to boot.
You should be way more grateful.
It's insane that you've
spent 4 million kroner -
- on this old piece of crap
from WW2,
I don't wanna spend 2 million to look
at a sulky face. I'll take it home!
No! It's my phone, too.
- But you don't want it.
- Yes, I do. I'll take it home.
- No, it should be here!
- I'm taking it home.
- This makes no sense!
- And get some adult friends!
You look pathetic
hanging out with kids.
Eat some sugar, old moron!
Have you brought Hitler's phone
to your home?
Hitler's phone, that he used
to exterminate the Jews?
You know I'm Jewish, and you come home
with Hitler's phone?
Do you know what it represents?
Six million Jews were killed.
The Holocaust!
This is the worst thing
I've ever been subjected to.
- Not a smart thing to do.
- I'm not interested In it either.
I'd rather have had Chaplin's watch.
- But he bought this for company money.
- How much did it cost?
- 4 million kroner.
- You can't be serious.
- Hi, Fie.
- Why are you talking to me?
- You're my daughter.
- You sneak around my school.
You say "dooky, dooky"
like some pervert sleazeball.
You made me a laughing stock!
Don't ever come to my school again.
- What did you do, Frank?
- Nothing for once.
- She's about to start menstruating.
- Can't I be granted an exemption?
- To eat cake?
- We're here with Hitler's phone.
I've lost two million kroner.
Can't I have a slice of Swiss roll?
I'm surrounded by minority groups.
Teenagers. Jews.
Victim cultures all the way.
- Occupied!
- How long will you be in there?
Until the Jewish people
get an unreserved apology.
I think you're confusing things.
Open the door.
Why don't you use the kids' bathroom?
Because this is my toilet,
and it has underfloor heating.
Go use the children's toilet.
- Damn, you're gross.
- What?
- What's going on, honey?
- I think I just ate blood.
Oh, Fie's menstruating.
Why would you eat that?
- I thought it was jelly!
- Boldt just texted. I'm off.
Wish me luck!
Fie?
We have to talk about this.
I mean it's just really important -
- that you understand that there's
nothing wrong with menstruating.
- What you experience is normal.
- No. That wasn't normal!
My dad licking my menstruation blood.
Do you call that normal?
- No, that part isn't normal.
- Frank.
- Andreas, not right now.
- I just talked to the rabbi.
And the President of the Jewish
Community. They're shocked.
- Tell them I didn't buy that phone.
- They expect an apology.
I am so incensed and upset
that I'm moving out.
I'm moving to a hotel,
and you'll pay for it.
I could face severe consequences of you
whipping up a frenzy in the community!
I hate that phone, too!
But it's a done deal!
My money's tied up in it!
So. Where were we?
I just want to say that I'm sorry -
- that your first period became
such an awkward affair,
My first?
Dad, I've had it for two years.
Everything's a mess. Cousin Andreas
moved into a hotel for our money.
And Fie won't leave her room.
I can't handle it right now.
- Maybe if you talked to her.
- I can't handle this right now!
What's up with you?
Didn't it go well with waiter Boldt?
- No.
- Did no one show up?
- Sure.
- So what's the problem?
The problem was that he hoarded
pens, tea and napkins.
Well, he didn't charge you anything,
so it's only fair.
Maybe not fair, but we'll
have to accept a bit of pilfering.
- I don't have to accept that!
- But if people had a good time ...?
- What's the problem?
- It just wasn't a good experience!
It's a bad experience
that he nicked a pen?
- Jeez, what's that about?
- Mom is having her period, too.
- Hi, Helle. How's everything?
- Good. How about you?
- The usual for me, please.
- I'm so tempted to get a rum ball.
- Have one of Helle's balls!
- A Snickers. No, I shouldn't.
- Pit stop. Pit stop, people.
- Hi.
That's Terje.
- Hi, sweetie.
- Oh my God ...
- Hi. Frank.
- How are you doing? Ice cream?
- What flavor is it?
- Vanilla.
The sickest, craziest ice cream
I ever had was on Borneo.
Garlic and grasshoppers.
Grasshoppers?
Right!
My dad, who was a complete nutjob,
ran an orphanage for orangutangs.
I actually looked after a monkey once.
I had a monkey for two days.
For two days?
I grew up among monkeys.
- Okay.
- Not exactly the same.
I once had a monkey called Odd.
Know what it could do?
It could fill a dishwasher.
If you hired that monkey here, it would
do a better job than most people.
Let me show you something.
This isn't an ordinary backpack.
It's a backpack that comes in handy
in an avalanche.
We don't really get avalanches here
in Frederiksberg Park.
Great fit, right? You push this button,
and a huge balloon is inflated.
1t lifts you over the avalanche.
You'll walk on top of the show.
- One could listen to him for hours.
- It feels like we do.
See ya, motherfuckers!
- Terje, you forgot your backpack!
- Keep it. It was a sponsor gift.
- So now it's mine?
- An orange bag. Congratulations.
- He's always done something fiercer.
- Yeah, I noticed.
- How did the whole Boldt thing go?
- Not very well.
I don't know why.
Mia was really upset.
- I thought she was proud of it.
- Boldt was apparently greedy.
He took napkins
and wanted this and that.
- Oh,
- Are you talking about Per?
Yeah, Per Pallesen. Why?
- I hired him once, too.
- Did he take your napkins, too?
He wanted a little of everything.
Including to cup a feel.
- A what?
- To cup a feel. Under my blouse.
- On you?
- Yes, it was part of his payment.
- So he did it for free here, too?
- Yes. He always does the same thing.
- Did Per cup a feel on you?
- No.
Did he touch your breast?
I just talked to an ice cream lady.
She'd had him work a function
where he'd wanted to cup a feel.
I had to do it. The café was
full of expectant customers -
- and he refused to serve
if Ididn't let him.
So, Per Pallesen
touched your nipples?
- Did Per Pallesen touch your wee-wee?
- No.
- Did he finger your wee-wee?
- No!
So it wasn't free of charge.
No one does anything free of charge.
You were just greedy.
Per Pallesen is greedy. You're greedy.
He wanted tits.
You wanted a Matador event.
Do you have his number?
Hello, Frank Hvam here.
I'm the husband of Mia who works at ...
or owns Café Maude.
I'd like to have a word with you.
Okay. I'll be there in five minutes.
- I'm Frank.
- Hi, Frank. Hi.
I just heard you touched
my wife's breasts.
Yes, I did.
Is there something wrong with that?
My wife, my breasts.
Sometimes I get a pen or an umbrella.
Other times I may get
some waxed candles.
The other day someone gave me
a red bicycle pump.
It's tit for tat, right? I feel her
breasts, and she gets waiter Boldt.
- She did it willingly.
- You refused to serve!
Listen, I don't think that's
entirely true. She didn't say no.
If she'd said: "You can't do that,"
I wouldn't have done it. No harm done.
- So you're not ashamed?
- Not in the least.
- Your cheque.
- Will you get that, Frank?
No, I won't.
Then maybe I can have your backpack?
How about it?
- Hello? What about the backpack?
- Sure, why not.
Thanks. Thank you.
Say hi to Mia.
And he was stuck In it for two hours.
The rescuers had to get him loose.
Awesome!
I'm glad he got
what was coming to him.
- I doubt you've tried that, Terje.
- What?
- Being stuck in a revolving door.
- No, you've never tried that.
No, I've never been stuck
in a revolving door.
But I have been stuck
in a coal mine in China -
- when I toured the country
on my motorcycle.
I rode the same bike David Beckham
rode in South America.
You may as well give up.
You can't battle with Terje.
No matter what you've done, Frank,
I've done It ten times wilder.
Okay let's battle it out.
Listen to this.
- I've done a parachute jump.
- Solo?
No, tandem.
In 2001. Base jump.
- Twin Towers. September 10.
- Beat that.
The Danish fish, the eel.
The strongest fish in the ocean ...
I hold a 3-pound eel in one hand.
I rode a killer whale.
It wasn't in a show!
Neither was the eel.
- You rode a killer whale?
- Yeah, I actually did.
- And you held a giant eel.
- Giant eel. Ooh.
They're really hard to handle.
Requires muscles. Come again, Frank.
I've tasted my daughter's
menstruation blood.
- Yes.
- Yes. Back to you, Terje.
You're up.
- You pushed it further away.
- Damn it.
- Argh.
- My turn.
It'll be good for you
to get some sugar.
Terje left,
and I have my life back.
Petanque suits you much better
than running around with teenagers.
- Good one.
- Yeah, I think you're winning.
Yes, you are. I don't want to run around
with young people all the time.
But I won't play petanque all the
time either. A foot in each camp, Frank.
- Fie isn't talking to me.
- What?
- You act much older than you need to.
- I have both feet in the same camp.
That's a mistake.
But it's sad that you can't talk
to your own flesh and blood.
I have an Idea.
Hi, Fie. Look who's here.
Go on, boys.
It's the girl in the green jacket.
Wassup? Want a hug?
There.
- You know Citybois?
- Sure.
- How about a picture with Dad?
- Yes!
Thank you!
- Ready?
- Dooky, dooky.
Not now, Dad.
All done.
Are these your girlfriends? Hil
Want a hug, too?
It's fun.
- Hello?
- Casper, Andreas speaking.
- I'd like to talk to Frank.
- Unplug it.
You can't apologize to them
on Hitler's phone. That's insane.
- We're selling it.
- You're selling it, Frank.
Division of labor.
I bought it. You sell it.