Klovn (2005–2021): Season 5, Episode 9 - Drys fra muffedissen - full transcript
Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
A SPRINKLE FROM THE WRISTLET
- Hello, Walid.
- Hello, Frank.
- What do you have for me today?
- I have a few shirts.
I just met Gintberg in the street.
He always looks like he's on the run.
Always running around
sweating and looking scared.
Gintberg is never calm.
He's a spinning top.
He was rushing to buy an advent
calendar of gifts for his girlfriend.
Not even for his children.
Do you and Iben give each other
a gift calendar?
- No, do you?
- No, no.
- Isn't that a thing of the past?
- Yes, I would say so.
These are alright, Frank.
But there's something wrong here.
I couldn't get this stain
off Mia's panties.
- Isn't it just the weaving?
- No, it's... what's the word?
- Is it pee?
- No, no, it's something...
I don't remember the word.
- I think it's a bit of discharge.
- Exactly!
- I just couldn't get it off.
- I'm going outside, Frank.
- Just charge it to my account.
- Sure.
- That was all.
- What kind of place is that?
- It's the same every time.
- But he was so indiscreet.
Yes, but it's not to be rude.
No, but he's bloody indiscreet.
You can't run a business like that.
You should try my dry cleaner's.
It's the best. We all go there.
- Mia's discharge is really annoying.
- I can understand their period.
It has some kind of cycle.
It's annoying, but it's about babies.
But discharge? What if we had oil
dripping from our pricks?
Honey, come open today's present.
I'm not a child, you know.
Here you go.
Is that for me?
But it's a huge gift.
- Aren't you going to open it?
- Yes, of course.
- Do you want me to wait?
- Do as you like.
Wow, ice skates!
That's just what I wanted!
Mind the plate, dear.
They're the ones you wanted.
- Black devils!
- Do you like them?
Very much. Thank you.
Now it's my turn.
- Is this what I think it is?
- Maybe.
- Is it from the jeweler?
- No, it's from the decoration store.
Oh, it's a napkin ring.
I see. Thank you.
I didn't realise we had to spend
so much on the gifts.
- Are they all napkin rings then?
- Well, it's a set of twelve.
- That's not very exciting.
- But then the napkins are organised.
I guess.
Hello.
- Are those samples?
- Yes, help yourself.
- Toasted almonds, please.
- Do you want a bag?
- The big ones cost 50.
- They're good.
- We'll take a big one.
- Thank you.
- Didn't you just have one?
- Pardon?
- You said they were samples.
- Yes, one sample.
- But you said samples, plural.
- I can't give them away.
- I told you they're good.
- Are you buying a bag?
- No, I'm going to lunch.
- Don't take any more, then.
- I just took two.
- Normally, you take one.
- You just have a taste.
- I just took one.
And then I took one more
just to be sure.
If you're not having any,
we don't have to talk about it.
Come on, dear.
Bloody hell.
Grumpy bugger!
We're whizzing along.
- We're not bad, are we?
- You're really good at it.
Watch out, honey.
Do you want to see my solo?
Get out of the way!
What happened?
Did he hit him? Get up, Frank.
- Jeff, are you alright?
- I just took a blow.
- No, no, no!
- Oh my god, there's so much blood.
- What's going on?
- Now you've gone and done it.
We need an ambulance.
- What are you doing?
- Did I hit him?
- You idiot, you cut off his finger!
- He was going the wrong way.
- Where is the finger?
- Did it come off completely?
Look for the finger!
Take it easy, boy.
Is he alright?
When we find your finger,
we'll just put it back on, okay?
- Honey, it really hurt.
- Just find that finger and get up!
If you find it within 15 minutes,
we can save it.
- We'll try to find it.
- But we've looked everywhere.
- Tell us what happened.
- We were just skating around.
And that poor mongol child
was going the wrong way.
- It was an accident.
- And I got blood on me.
That's not entirely true.
- You were going the wrong way.
- No, I wasn't.
- He was going the wrong way.
- Why are you lying?
- Why would I be lying?
- Because I took too many almonds.
You certainly did,
but that's not the question.
- It seems it is, all of a sudden.
- He took a whole handful.
- I took three.
- Wouldn't you normally take one?
It's normal to take one,
if it's just a sample.
But he took a lot.
Isn't that theft, then?
It's a triviality,
but it is in fact theft.
There's no law that says
how many samples you can have.
What a crazy discussion.
And you are lying.
- I'm just trying to help.
- Let's go over here.
I can buy some
if that will make you happy.
If you stay there,
I'll just talk to the attendant.
- Where were you at the time?
- Right over there.
- Here's your gift.
- Thank you.
- Here's yours.
- Thank you.
- It's bigger this time.
- Did Santa's elf step up?
- He sure did.
- Is he a good elf?
He's not too bad.
What a nice gift.
Who's this from?
- I don't know.
- Christoffersen?
"Dear Frank Hvam. As you ran over
our son in the ice rink..."
"... causing him to lose
a finger..."
"... claim for compensation
of 25,000... "
"... for pain and suffering
and loss of earnings."
- We'll just have to pay them.
- Come on.
Open your present.
I'll open mine.
What is this, my little elf?
Is it a wristlet? That's so nice.
I can understand pain and suffering.
It must have hurt.
But loss of earnings?
What does a mongol do?
- It's called Down's syndrome.
- Same same.
- Do you like the sweater?
- It's nice.
- Very convincing.
- But it is nice. Thank you.
I can understand pain and suffering,
because it must have hurt.
- But loss of earnings?
- Yes, it's silly, but just pay them.
I just arranged a meeting
with the mongol's parents.
Just pay them and move on.
After this we're going to see Dave.
I just don't understand
the loss of earnings.
- Hi, Walid.
- Hello, Frank.
- Are you picking up something?
- Yes, it's time.
If they can prove that he has a job,
I will be happy to pay them.
- Just pay them, Frank.
- Your shirts are ready.
- What do you have for me?
- I don't have anything today.
But you always have something.
What is that in the bag?
It's a pair of trousers.
But they're for another dry cleaner.
What's wrong?
Is it about the stain
on Mia's panties?
Allow me. You have this
very nice dry cleaner's shop.
But you're very indiscreet
about his girlfriend's discharge.
You're shouting about discharge and
how you couldn't get her faces off.
It's very indiscreet and Frank
doesn't want people to know -
- that his girlfriend
has a bit of discharge.
- It's not that bad.
- It is that bad.
What's his name couldn't get it off.
Everybody has a bit of discharge.
- There isn't faces in her panties.
- Whatever.
But that was the problem.
As simple as that.
Casper, Casper, Casper.
Now you are shouting about it too.
That's just to teach him that you
can't have a dry cleaner's shop...
- Take it easy.
- Do you want to keep this place?
- No, we'll change dry cleaners.
- Okay, then pay him.
- Yes, we're closing the account.
- Goodbye.
Well, I wouldn't have put it
quite like that, but he's right.
- But it was discharge.
- Would you stop with the discharge?
- That didn't go too well.
- No, but it's over.
Now we're going to the new place.
There you'll see discretion.
Not like that cheeky bugger
back there.
It's in here.
- I have some...
- Let me handle this. This is Frank.
I can vouch for him.
Give him your best treatment.
- Of course, Casper.
- Great. Your turn.
I accidentally got blood
on a pair of trousers.
No problem.
Thanks, Dave.
- That sure was discreet.
- That was something else.
- Not a word on where it came from.
- Of course not.
Yes, because we'll be there
on Christmas Day.
- We could do it on Boxing Day, then.
- Honey.
Yes, let's do that.
Frank? There's kind of a sprinkle
from the wristlet.
Can't we talk about that later?
Mia? There's also a sprinkle
from Iben's wristlet sometimes.
- What?
- A bit of gravel in the panties.
- No, I got a wristlet.
- I gave her a wristlet.
Frank gave me this.
What do you..?
The dry cleaner just said
you have macaroons in your panties.
He was scraping your panties and
shouting about discharge and stuff.
So I knew that you had kind
of a sprinkle from the wristlet.
- What?
- What's his name? Walid?
"Mia's panties are a gravel pit!"
There were just some skid marks.
- We found a new dry cleaner.
- Don't worry.
You're not supposed to know
that Mia has discharge.
So you can't tell her that you know.
She probably doesn't fancy us
talking about her vagina.
We haven't talked about her vagina.
Not in this context, anyway.
- Do you have the letter?
- Yes.
- Hello.
- Hello, come in.
- I'm Mia.
- Come on in.
I talked to Lone
who was with Jeff at the time.
And it seems it was quite
a violent incident.
- Very unfortunate.
- And quite bloody, I hear.
It bleeds when you lose a thumb.
And I am indeed sorry.
I'm sorry I ran over your finger,
Jeff. I'm very sorry.
Jeff also told us
that you were going quite fast.
- Very fast.
- I was testing my new ice skates.
So I went really fast
and bumped into you.
Don't do that again.
I'm sick of this.
- I won't run over your finger again.
- I'm sick of this.
It's completely...
Goodbye. I'm out of here.
We can understand
that he's angry.
I do hope you don't find
the amount too exorbitant.
- No, of course not.
- Not in principle.
I'm just a bit puzzled. You ask for
25,000 for pain and suffering -
- and loss of earnings?
Pain and suffering is self-evident.
But loss of earnings?
- Just pay the compensation.
- What does he do exactly?
- What do you mean?
- What is his job?
- I don't understand.
- Well, he would have to work.
- Of course. And he does.
- Just pay them, Frank.
Yes, but where does he work?
- What's that?
- No, you're right. He doesn't.
We just really wanted to give Jeff
a trip to Euro Disney.
We wanted to surprise him after
all of this, but we can't afford it.
- That's the truth.
- I would be happy to pay for that.
You should have put that in
the letter. He should have that trip.
I'm glad to pay the 25,000.
There you go.
- Perhaps we should get going.
- Thank you so much.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- I'm picking up a pair of trousers.
- Just a moment.
- Here you are.
- Did you get them all clean?
- Absolutely.
- That looks great.
But we found something that you
might want to take a look at.
- Where did you..?
- We found it in the trouser cuff.
I have seen a lot,
but this is too much.
- But it's a mongol's finger.
- I don't want it in here.
Didn't you read about
the accident in the ice rink?
No, and I don't want to know
anything about it.
Please leave.
And don't come back.
Hi, Frank. What's up?
Are you alright?
- Do you have a minute?
- Sure, what's up?
- I went to see Dave.
- How did it go?
- Well, the trousers were clean.
- I told you so.
- But he found the mongol finger.
- Where?
- It was in my trouser cuff.
- Why didn't you look there?
- I didn't think to look there.
- A mongol finger in your cuff?
- He threw me out.
- Of course he did. It's illegal.
You can't have people's limbs
lying around.
Anyway, I still have the finger.
Here? Can I see it?
- What about those two?
- It's just Fish and Robert.
- It's disgusting.
- That's really disgusting.
- I might give it to the parents.
- What are they going to do with it?
Couldn't I give it to Muffi?
He would just eat it.
Don't you think that's disgusting?
Someone might see him shit a nail.
You have to put the finger back
in the ice rink where it should be.
If someone finds it there,
they will think nothing of it.
"Oh, the police didn't find it."
Then you're off the hook.
- That's a good idea.
- Of course.
- Do you want a beer?
- Yes, please.
- Well, good evening.
- Hello.
- You are no longer welcome here.
- What are you talking about?
We've had a complaint from
the almond guy for bad behaviour.
I'm going to have to ask you
to leave.
Okay.
- Hi, I would like some almonds.
- Sure, how many?
The cherry sauce you buy
is always so sticky.
- Your cherry sauce is the best.
- I'll make it. I have so much to do.
Hello.
I bought a wristlet here and it's
very nice, but it kind of sprinkles.
- It does, actually.
- Let me have a look.
- You're right.
- And it was quite expensive...
I'll find you a new one.
- She was nice about it.
- She should be.
Frank, isn't that the boy's mother?
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Did you go to Disney World?
- No, actually we didn't.
Here's your receipt.
Do you want me to wrap it for you?
No, I'll just keep it on.
Take care, now.
- Hello, Frank.
- I would like to open an account.
Really? Frank's back! Yes!
What do you have for me?
Okay, one pair of panties
with discharge.
- And two shirts...
- That's just the way it is.
---
A SPRINKLE FROM THE WRISTLET
- Hello, Walid.
- Hello, Frank.
- What do you have for me today?
- I have a few shirts.
I just met Gintberg in the street.
He always looks like he's on the run.
Always running around
sweating and looking scared.
Gintberg is never calm.
He's a spinning top.
He was rushing to buy an advent
calendar of gifts for his girlfriend.
Not even for his children.
Do you and Iben give each other
a gift calendar?
- No, do you?
- No, no.
- Isn't that a thing of the past?
- Yes, I would say so.
These are alright, Frank.
But there's something wrong here.
I couldn't get this stain
off Mia's panties.
- Isn't it just the weaving?
- No, it's... what's the word?
- Is it pee?
- No, no, it's something...
I don't remember the word.
- I think it's a bit of discharge.
- Exactly!
- I just couldn't get it off.
- I'm going outside, Frank.
- Just charge it to my account.
- Sure.
- That was all.
- What kind of place is that?
- It's the same every time.
- But he was so indiscreet.
Yes, but it's not to be rude.
No, but he's bloody indiscreet.
You can't run a business like that.
You should try my dry cleaner's.
It's the best. We all go there.
- Mia's discharge is really annoying.
- I can understand their period.
It has some kind of cycle.
It's annoying, but it's about babies.
But discharge? What if we had oil
dripping from our pricks?
Honey, come open today's present.
I'm not a child, you know.
Here you go.
Is that for me?
But it's a huge gift.
- Aren't you going to open it?
- Yes, of course.
- Do you want me to wait?
- Do as you like.
Wow, ice skates!
That's just what I wanted!
Mind the plate, dear.
They're the ones you wanted.
- Black devils!
- Do you like them?
Very much. Thank you.
Now it's my turn.
- Is this what I think it is?
- Maybe.
- Is it from the jeweler?
- No, it's from the decoration store.
Oh, it's a napkin ring.
I see. Thank you.
I didn't realise we had to spend
so much on the gifts.
- Are they all napkin rings then?
- Well, it's a set of twelve.
- That's not very exciting.
- But then the napkins are organised.
I guess.
Hello.
- Are those samples?
- Yes, help yourself.
- Toasted almonds, please.
- Do you want a bag?
- The big ones cost 50.
- They're good.
- We'll take a big one.
- Thank you.
- Didn't you just have one?
- Pardon?
- You said they were samples.
- Yes, one sample.
- But you said samples, plural.
- I can't give them away.
- I told you they're good.
- Are you buying a bag?
- No, I'm going to lunch.
- Don't take any more, then.
- I just took two.
- Normally, you take one.
- You just have a taste.
- I just took one.
And then I took one more
just to be sure.
If you're not having any,
we don't have to talk about it.
Come on, dear.
Bloody hell.
Grumpy bugger!
We're whizzing along.
- We're not bad, are we?
- You're really good at it.
Watch out, honey.
Do you want to see my solo?
Get out of the way!
What happened?
Did he hit him? Get up, Frank.
- Jeff, are you alright?
- I just took a blow.
- No, no, no!
- Oh my god, there's so much blood.
- What's going on?
- Now you've gone and done it.
We need an ambulance.
- What are you doing?
- Did I hit him?
- You idiot, you cut off his finger!
- He was going the wrong way.
- Where is the finger?
- Did it come off completely?
Look for the finger!
Take it easy, boy.
Is he alright?
When we find your finger,
we'll just put it back on, okay?
- Honey, it really hurt.
- Just find that finger and get up!
If you find it within 15 minutes,
we can save it.
- We'll try to find it.
- But we've looked everywhere.
- Tell us what happened.
- We were just skating around.
And that poor mongol child
was going the wrong way.
- It was an accident.
- And I got blood on me.
That's not entirely true.
- You were going the wrong way.
- No, I wasn't.
- He was going the wrong way.
- Why are you lying?
- Why would I be lying?
- Because I took too many almonds.
You certainly did,
but that's not the question.
- It seems it is, all of a sudden.
- He took a whole handful.
- I took three.
- Wouldn't you normally take one?
It's normal to take one,
if it's just a sample.
But he took a lot.
Isn't that theft, then?
It's a triviality,
but it is in fact theft.
There's no law that says
how many samples you can have.
What a crazy discussion.
And you are lying.
- I'm just trying to help.
- Let's go over here.
I can buy some
if that will make you happy.
If you stay there,
I'll just talk to the attendant.
- Where were you at the time?
- Right over there.
- Here's your gift.
- Thank you.
- Here's yours.
- Thank you.
- It's bigger this time.
- Did Santa's elf step up?
- He sure did.
- Is he a good elf?
He's not too bad.
What a nice gift.
Who's this from?
- I don't know.
- Christoffersen?
"Dear Frank Hvam. As you ran over
our son in the ice rink..."
"... causing him to lose
a finger..."
"... claim for compensation
of 25,000... "
"... for pain and suffering
and loss of earnings."
- We'll just have to pay them.
- Come on.
Open your present.
I'll open mine.
What is this, my little elf?
Is it a wristlet? That's so nice.
I can understand pain and suffering.
It must have hurt.
But loss of earnings?
What does a mongol do?
- It's called Down's syndrome.
- Same same.
- Do you like the sweater?
- It's nice.
- Very convincing.
- But it is nice. Thank you.
I can understand pain and suffering,
because it must have hurt.
- But loss of earnings?
- Yes, it's silly, but just pay them.
I just arranged a meeting
with the mongol's parents.
Just pay them and move on.
After this we're going to see Dave.
I just don't understand
the loss of earnings.
- Hi, Walid.
- Hello, Frank.
- Are you picking up something?
- Yes, it's time.
If they can prove that he has a job,
I will be happy to pay them.
- Just pay them, Frank.
- Your shirts are ready.
- What do you have for me?
- I don't have anything today.
But you always have something.
What is that in the bag?
It's a pair of trousers.
But they're for another dry cleaner.
What's wrong?
Is it about the stain
on Mia's panties?
Allow me. You have this
very nice dry cleaner's shop.
But you're very indiscreet
about his girlfriend's discharge.
You're shouting about discharge and
how you couldn't get her faces off.
It's very indiscreet and Frank
doesn't want people to know -
- that his girlfriend
has a bit of discharge.
- It's not that bad.
- It is that bad.
What's his name couldn't get it off.
Everybody has a bit of discharge.
- There isn't faces in her panties.
- Whatever.
But that was the problem.
As simple as that.
Casper, Casper, Casper.
Now you are shouting about it too.
That's just to teach him that you
can't have a dry cleaner's shop...
- Take it easy.
- Do you want to keep this place?
- No, we'll change dry cleaners.
- Okay, then pay him.
- Yes, we're closing the account.
- Goodbye.
Well, I wouldn't have put it
quite like that, but he's right.
- But it was discharge.
- Would you stop with the discharge?
- That didn't go too well.
- No, but it's over.
Now we're going to the new place.
There you'll see discretion.
Not like that cheeky bugger
back there.
It's in here.
- I have some...
- Let me handle this. This is Frank.
I can vouch for him.
Give him your best treatment.
- Of course, Casper.
- Great. Your turn.
I accidentally got blood
on a pair of trousers.
No problem.
Thanks, Dave.
- That sure was discreet.
- That was something else.
- Not a word on where it came from.
- Of course not.
Yes, because we'll be there
on Christmas Day.
- We could do it on Boxing Day, then.
- Honey.
Yes, let's do that.
Frank? There's kind of a sprinkle
from the wristlet.
Can't we talk about that later?
Mia? There's also a sprinkle
from Iben's wristlet sometimes.
- What?
- A bit of gravel in the panties.
- No, I got a wristlet.
- I gave her a wristlet.
Frank gave me this.
What do you..?
The dry cleaner just said
you have macaroons in your panties.
He was scraping your panties and
shouting about discharge and stuff.
So I knew that you had kind
of a sprinkle from the wristlet.
- What?
- What's his name? Walid?
"Mia's panties are a gravel pit!"
There were just some skid marks.
- We found a new dry cleaner.
- Don't worry.
You're not supposed to know
that Mia has discharge.
So you can't tell her that you know.
She probably doesn't fancy us
talking about her vagina.
We haven't talked about her vagina.
Not in this context, anyway.
- Do you have the letter?
- Yes.
- Hello.
- Hello, come in.
- I'm Mia.
- Come on in.
I talked to Lone
who was with Jeff at the time.
And it seems it was quite
a violent incident.
- Very unfortunate.
- And quite bloody, I hear.
It bleeds when you lose a thumb.
And I am indeed sorry.
I'm sorry I ran over your finger,
Jeff. I'm very sorry.
Jeff also told us
that you were going quite fast.
- Very fast.
- I was testing my new ice skates.
So I went really fast
and bumped into you.
Don't do that again.
I'm sick of this.
- I won't run over your finger again.
- I'm sick of this.
It's completely...
Goodbye. I'm out of here.
We can understand
that he's angry.
I do hope you don't find
the amount too exorbitant.
- No, of course not.
- Not in principle.
I'm just a bit puzzled. You ask for
25,000 for pain and suffering -
- and loss of earnings?
Pain and suffering is self-evident.
But loss of earnings?
- Just pay the compensation.
- What does he do exactly?
- What do you mean?
- What is his job?
- I don't understand.
- Well, he would have to work.
- Of course. And he does.
- Just pay them, Frank.
Yes, but where does he work?
- What's that?
- No, you're right. He doesn't.
We just really wanted to give Jeff
a trip to Euro Disney.
We wanted to surprise him after
all of this, but we can't afford it.
- That's the truth.
- I would be happy to pay for that.
You should have put that in
the letter. He should have that trip.
I'm glad to pay the 25,000.
There you go.
- Perhaps we should get going.
- Thank you so much.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- I'm picking up a pair of trousers.
- Just a moment.
- Here you are.
- Did you get them all clean?
- Absolutely.
- That looks great.
But we found something that you
might want to take a look at.
- Where did you..?
- We found it in the trouser cuff.
I have seen a lot,
but this is too much.
- But it's a mongol's finger.
- I don't want it in here.
Didn't you read about
the accident in the ice rink?
No, and I don't want to know
anything about it.
Please leave.
And don't come back.
Hi, Frank. What's up?
Are you alright?
- Do you have a minute?
- Sure, what's up?
- I went to see Dave.
- How did it go?
- Well, the trousers were clean.
- I told you so.
- But he found the mongol finger.
- Where?
- It was in my trouser cuff.
- Why didn't you look there?
- I didn't think to look there.
- A mongol finger in your cuff?
- He threw me out.
- Of course he did. It's illegal.
You can't have people's limbs
lying around.
Anyway, I still have the finger.
Here? Can I see it?
- What about those two?
- It's just Fish and Robert.
- It's disgusting.
- That's really disgusting.
- I might give it to the parents.
- What are they going to do with it?
Couldn't I give it to Muffi?
He would just eat it.
Don't you think that's disgusting?
Someone might see him shit a nail.
You have to put the finger back
in the ice rink where it should be.
If someone finds it there,
they will think nothing of it.
"Oh, the police didn't find it."
Then you're off the hook.
- That's a good idea.
- Of course.
- Do you want a beer?
- Yes, please.
- Well, good evening.
- Hello.
- You are no longer welcome here.
- What are you talking about?
We've had a complaint from
the almond guy for bad behaviour.
I'm going to have to ask you
to leave.
Okay.
- Hi, I would like some almonds.
- Sure, how many?
The cherry sauce you buy
is always so sticky.
- Your cherry sauce is the best.
- I'll make it. I have so much to do.
Hello.
I bought a wristlet here and it's
very nice, but it kind of sprinkles.
- It does, actually.
- Let me have a look.
- You're right.
- And it was quite expensive...
I'll find you a new one.
- She was nice about it.
- She should be.
Frank, isn't that the boy's mother?
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Did you go to Disney World?
- No, actually we didn't.
Here's your receipt.
Do you want me to wrap it for you?
No, I'll just keep it on.
Take care, now.
- Hello, Frank.
- I would like to open an account.
Really? Frank's back! Yes!
What do you have for me?
Okay, one pair of panties
with discharge.
- And two shirts...
- That's just the way it is.