Klovn (2005–2021): Season 1, Episode 8 - Str. 44 - full transcript

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SIZE 9?
Based on true events

- She was good. Very experienced.
- I've seen her stuff. She's great.

Casper and Frank, you've got
one more. A guy called Ole.

One more guy? Okay.

Ole Svinkl?v. That doesn't ring
a bell. Let's see what he's done.

- TV Lorry... Okay.
- And a show with Mette Lisby.

- Welcome.
- Hi, Ole. I'm Frank.

- If you sit over there.
- No problem.

Let me explain what we're looking
for. We need a production designer.

Frank and I are going to be hosts
at the Zulu Awards show.

We need someone to help us
with all the practical stuff, -



- both in terms of research
and getting hold of certain things.

It sounds terrific.
That's right up my alley.

- But you feel it as well, don't you?
- Yes...

- You mean...
- Chemistry.

After I applied for this job,
already on the next day, I think...

Do you know when you get
a real feeling of "yes, this is it"?

- Yes, well...
- A small yes, I'd say.

We've looked at the things
you've done in the past.

- You've worked with Mette Lisby?
- Yes. Mette and I did "Knockout".

I say "Mette and I", because
we had a special energy, I felt.

Everyone was involved
in the project, of course.

The energy was all-embracing,
just as it is here.

My own energy colour is blue.
It's a warm and positive energy.

Do you know what your colours are?
You can have many different ones.



- I'm red in some places.
- Yes. I can see you being red.

You've done TV2 Lorry as well.
What d id you do there?

Lorry was...
Actually, I was a trainee.

Well, I think
we can say thank you...

I really enjoy it here,
I've got to say.

I'm really looking forward
to getting going.

- This was just a bit of...
- We have other applicants as well.

- We'll call you.
- Have a good day.

- Bye, Ole. Take care.
- Thank you. You, too.

I won't give you any problems.
Have a nice day.

- Is he one of your friends, Claire?
- No.

No, seriously... He doesn't
have enough experience at all.

Is it okay if I go now?
I'd like to pick up the kids.

I forgot... Mads Mikkelsen called.
Mark Strudal is sick and can't play.

- I need to know these things.
- What's it about?

Football.
We're playing this Saturday.

Hi, Mads. It's Casper.
What's that I hear?

Well, we've all had pneumonia...
Oh. What do we do then?

I don't know anyone
who can take over.

- I'm not sure about Jimmy J?rgensen.
- No, not him.

- Hjortsh?j is no good, either.
- Too bottom-heavy.

Who else is there?
I can't think of anybody.

- Hang on.
- You could ask me.

- Can you play football?
- Yes.

Mads, if I said Frank Hvam,
what would you say?

That's exactly what I said!
"Can you play? "

- I've played a bit.
- He says he's played a bit. Bye.

- Okay. You're on this Saturday.
- Alright!

- Welcome.
- Great.

- That's good, Frank.
- Casper, can I play in these?

Are you trying to be funny or what?

- It's just that I...
- Of course you can't!

- They have good soles.
- Come on. We use football boots.

- Can I borrow a pair from you?
- No.

- Do I need to buy some, then?
- That would be a good idea.

- Okay, I'll do that.
- Good idea. Bye-bye.

- 1600 kroner for football boots!
- There's your caff? latte.

- Expensive boots, eh?
- They look like big socks.

- Hi, Frank.
- Hi.

- Hi, there. How are you?
- I'm fine, thanks.

- We had a great time, eh?
- Yes, it was good.

We just clicked.
I think we got something going...

- There was something there, yeah.
- I can't wait to get started.

That's my boyfriend, Oliver.
I've told him all about it.

He really wants to go backstage.
He's a big fan of you and Casper.

- It'll be great.
- We do have other applicants.

We're still discussing it,
and then we'll call you.

- Okay. We understand each other.
- Yes, we do.

- So that's Frank.
- Yes, it is.

Hi, honey.

- Hi, Bodil.
- Hi.

- Good to see you.
- Thanks. You too.

- Is Jacob here as well?
- No.

- I've found a new man.
- Are you divorcing The Gimp?

It's just fantastic!
I've met a man who...

... who thinks I'm just fantastic.

He makes me feel like a woman.
I'm blossoming.

- So you've moved out?
- I couldn't take it anymore.

No, it wasn't working out.

And then I met Sonny.
I tell you...

That's a different kettle of fish,
I tell you! He's fantastic.

He's got big hands that can really
grab hold of you. He's so different.

I haven't felt this erotic
and beautiful in a long time.

And he gives me one orgasm
after the other.

I haven't had that for years.

It's getting a bit too hot for me.
I'm going to go and work.

Mia? Have you seen my slippers?

I think they're in the kitchen.
Bodil borrowed them.

- Bodil borrowed my slippers?
- Yes.

I knew she had big feet,
but that big..! That's grotesque.

- They're size 9?!
- She's a big girl.

Oh yes. She got a man with big hands.
He got a woman with grotesque feet.

Did you see her in the kitchen?

It was all "Me, me, me...
I'm the centre of the universe."

She was just happy.

There's nothing more awful
than a woman blossoming.

A single ray of sunshine couldn't
get through those big, greedy petals.

Is it because of what she said
about the orgasms?

Imagine it... You could measure
her orgasms on the Richter scale!

It would probably look quite funny.

- Hi, Jacob.
- Hi, Frank.

- Hi, Jacob.
- Hi, Frank.

- Come in.
- Thanks.

- Gosh!
- They're all Bodil's.

- Is it all Bodil's stuff?
- Yes.

What's that, Gimp? You can't
just let yourself go like that.

I haven't really had the time
to do anything. Or the energy.

- No. It's a hard one to swallow.
- We've been together for many years.

Yeah. There goes ten good years.

- Did she say anything about me?
- No.

She's found another guy.

I've never actually found her that
attractive. I can tell you that now.

How do you mean?

Well, she's... she's big.

I was just thinking... Do you think
I could borrow those football boots?

I'm going to this
football thing tomorrow.

- I know we use the same size.
- You and Bodil?

Yes. She's a 9? as well.
Alright! Great.

- Do you want to come and watch?
- When?

- Tomorrow at 3 o'clock.
- Yeah, I'd love to.

- Did you get any boots?
- Yes, I did.

I borrowed a nice pair
of Nike boots from Bodil.

- She's got big...
- Huge feet.

Okay, I'll knock, then.
What's this, Frank?

Claire tells me I didn't get the job.
You promised me the job yesterday.

- Is it because you saw us kiss?
- No, Ole...

Is it because I'm gay?

I told you we would call.
I gave you the sign.

Ole, take it easy.

I knew you were yellow.
Yellow and deceitful!

Do I get the job? There's
nothing more to talk about, then.

You'll hear from my lawyer.

We told you yesterday that we
were seeing other people as well.

I remember saying that to you.

Then I met Frank, and he said
we'd be starting in three weeks.

When I kissed my boyfriend
Frank stuck out his tongue at us.

- No, Ole.
- Did you meet Ole?

Yes, we met briefly.
I didn't say anything specific.

- I burned my tongue on the coffee.
- Oh, so it was the coffee.

- I tried to cool it off...
- Listen now.

Ole, you didn't get the job.
It was a good interview.

Frank burning his tongue didn't
have anything to do with the job.

You disliked me right from the start.
You heard that I was gay.

I haven't heard anything,
and I don't give a shit -

- whether you're gay
or into she-males or whatever...

Likewise! I just need to know:

- Do I get the job?
- No.

Fine. You'll hear from my lawyer.
No one treats a Svinkl?v like this!

- You're creating a lot of problems.
- So are you!

Now we certainly know
that he's homosexual.

- What does "gay" mean?
- Willie-to-willie.

- Hi, boys. I've got Frank here.
- Hi, Frank!

Simon and Mikkel.
You know Gintberg, of course.

I didn't know you could play. Cool!

I'm glad to be able to help.
Hi. I'm Frank.

- This is Lars.
- You used to...

... play for Denmark, yes.

- Has anyone got extra shin pads?
- No.

I'll play without, then.
That's fine.

- I don't think that's allowed.
- I'll do it S?ren Lerby-style.

Like the seventies..!

- Where have you played before?
- Gosh... It's been a while.

It must have been in Viborg.

In ?m S?nderlyng where I grew up.
It's a small place.

- Did you play on a high level?
- We played to win, you know.

- Who are we playing today?
- Liller?d.

- Who are we playing today?
- Liller?d.

Super. I hate them.

I brought some beers.

- As a little warm-up.
- What the hell are you doing?

We're not just playing for fun.
If we win today, we get promoted.

- Promoted?
- I'm not sure this is a good idea.

Well done for getting so far!

You searched everywhere,
eh, Casper?

If you get in trouble out there,
just pass the ball to me.

- What position are you playing?
- All of them. I'm the captain.

Cool. That's good to know.

Get ready, boys. We've been
fighting for this for ten years.

We need to be aggressive.
We need to be ready.

- Are you there?
- Yeah!

Come on, guys!

There are lots of junkies around,
so take your gear with you.

- Hi.
- Hi. Come this way.

Hi, Mads.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi. Gosh, you look good!

- Real Laudrup-style.
- We've got Lars H?j from FCK.

- Who are these people?
- That's the opposing team.

- Hi, Frank and Mia.
- Hi.

- Hi, Bodil.
- My boyfriend, Sonny.

- Hi.
- So you're Sonny?

Is that a big hand?

I must say...

- So you play for Liller?d?
- Hi, Frank. Hi, Mia.

- Hi, Jacob.
- Time for footie!

- What the hell is he doing here?
- I've been invited.

- By Frank.
- I didn't know you were coming.

- This is my new boyfriend, Sonny.
- Congratulations.

- I lent Frank your football boots.
- You can't just do that!

- Yes. You don't live there anymore.
- I'm really grateful, Bodil.

- They fit perfectly.
- You can't borrow those.

- Give them to Bodil.
- I haven't got another pair.

- Don't you have some trainers?
- Just give them to her now!

Jesus!

- Here I am!
- Come on, Frank.

- What are those shoes?
- Bodil wanted hers back.

I don't give a shit!
You can't play in those.

That's all I've got.

- Come on.
- Go, Frank!

Play the ball, Frank.

The shoes are too slippery.

- Let's not get moody.
- Shut up.

Play it forward.

- I'm slipping.
- Stay on him!

- God damn it, Frank!
- Bodil, honestly...

- Come on, guys!
- That way, Frank.

Frank, you've got him!

- Come on.
- I've got it.

- Frank, come here. What is it?
- It's just a bit of fun.

No, it isn't. Number 6
keeps scoring. Get him, now!

I don't care what you do.
Just stop him.

Alright, alright.

- Get him, Frank!
- Over here.

I stopped him!

That's it. You're out!

- What is it?
- You've got a syringe in your butt.

- Take it out.
- I'm not touching it. It's old.

- You have to go to the hospital.
- Take it out!

Take it easy!

We're stopping.
He needs to go to the hospital.

- I'm sorry, Sonny.
- He fell on a syringe.

- Are we playing on or what?
- We're going in.

I think I've pulled a muscle.
My leg is twitching.

How long does it take
to pull out a needle?

I can't tell you how disappointed
I am with losing that match.

- I really am.
- So am I.

You don't understand how important
it was to us. And losing 5-1...

Yeah. It's a shame. It really is.

It's more than that.

- You'll get another chance.
- No. That's exactly it.

Hello.

We've checked Sonny.
His buttock seems fine.

- I knew it. He was acting.
- But we have another problem.

The needle he got stuck by
was infected with HIV.

- AIDS, you mean?
- Yes, he'll probably have AIDS.

Did someone else
have a problem or..?

- Yes. My thigh feels really hard.
- Try and stand up.

You seem fine. If it gets worse,
go and see your doctor. Goodbye.

Thank you.

Jesus...

- What a shock.
- That's incredible.

The syringe had HIV in it.
It must have been used by a junkie.

That's really...

- Why did you push him in there?
- He went that way.

- You pushed him!
- I hardly touched him.

Yes, you did.
You pushed him directly.

- You told me to stop him.
- Not by giving him AIDS.

Hi, Sonny.

I pulled a muscle in my leg.

We've been dead unlucky today, eh?

Jesus Christ, Frank!

- You're the worst player I've seen.
- Have you seen Lasse Rimmer play?

You can't hit the ball!

- My shoes were slippery.
- You don't understand the game.

He's coming in.
He's running in. Get ready.

I heard the news, Frank.
You've infected a man with AIDS.

- It was an accident.
- It always is. I'm here for you.

I'll call you every day.
But we can't have sex. You know that.

- You've misunderstood.
- No. I think Ole is on the ball.

No need to explain. We'll drop the
court case. I was wrong about you.

We have to stick together.
Call me. I'll pick up.

- Take care.
- You too, Ole.

What the hell..?
What happened there?

It's him. Four-Eyes.

He's the one who infected Sonny.
Come here, you faggot!

Get him!