Klovn (2005–2021): Season 1, Episode 1 - 5 årsdagen - full transcript
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THE FIVE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY
Based on true events
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
What's the time?
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I'm supposed to meet Casper at 10.
- You're what?
- We're off to a monster truck show.
- Today's our five-year anniversary.
- What?
It's our five-year anniversary.
Fuck!
I completely forgot about that.
- Typical...
- I'm sorry. Congratulations!
Super...
We managed five years, eh?
- Don't get dressed.
- But it's a monster truck show...
- Can't you do it some other time?
- No, it's a one-off.
A guy called Monti Bossle. They're
only doing one show in Denmark.
- Casper will understand, I'm sure.
- No, I don't think he will.
- He's booked a babysitter.
- Call him and say you're sorry.
I can tell him I'm sorry,
but I'm not going to cancel.
Take care, honey.
Bye, bye.
Call some of your friends.
- Are they taking the piss or what?
- The local directory?
- Why would I want that?
- To find a phone number?
I don't know anybody in this book.
Why would I call... Janni Rolf?
- Maybe she's good-looking.
- It should have pictures in it.
- Are you ready to leave?
- I'm not going.
What? I've just walked out
on our anniversary. Mia is furious.
Iben's grandmother fell ill
last night. Seriously ill.
And you're dressing up
as a doctor or what?
Iben is really upset and a bit...
you know. So we're going to stay in.
- I'm cancelling the monster thing.
- Bossle Helldrivers?
I've got "Iben Helldrivers" sitting
in the lounge. See you, Frank.
- Maybe I should talk to her?
- What about?
I'm good at handling Iben,
you know. Let me talk to her.
I've got to see this. Pure
"Helldrivers"... Go for it, Bossle!
Hi, Iben. Can I come in?
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Frank popped by.
- I hear that your grandma is ill?
Yes...
- That's too bad.
- Yeah. Sorry, it's just...
In my experience, once people
of that age go to the hospital, -
- they don't have long to go.
It's important... I know this
from the time I lost my uncle, -
- to say goodbye to them
at some level, -
- so that you can move on
with your life.
- You should go and talk to a friend.
- No. That's not a good idea.
I prefer to be here -
- and prepare myself,
in case someone calls...
It's like being on standby,
you know.
What's so funny?
It's just that Casper and I were
going to see a monster truck show.
- Today?
- Yeah, but we cancelled.
No one's going to look
at monster trucks today.
- Family comes first.
- You can't just put life on standby.
- Could you see Frank out now?
- Iben is a bit...
- Carpe diem, you know.
- I'll see you out.
Give my love to your grandmother.
I don't know if she remembers me
or if I've even met her.
- You've never met her.
- Bye, Iben.
- I had a bad start there.
- It's bloody annoying.
- There was an opening at one point.
- Yeah, well... we tried.
- I knew it would be hard.
- She likes to split hairs.
- Yeah, but nice try. Bye.
- Bye.
Hi, Mia.
The monster truck thing is off.
Let's celebrate our anniversary.
I suggest a good shag.
Hi, Frank.
Hello, Susan.
- I've got some work to do.
- You don't forget an anniversary.
- Five years is important!
- I'm actually feeling a bit down.
Because Iben's grandmother
is seriously ill.
Hi, honey.
You invited Susan over?
Yeah. She's had the
most gorgeous pictures taken.
- Well, well...
- Have a look.
- They're really good.
- Yes, I think so.
Look at this. Your average
photographer wouldn't do this.
- Make you look down like that...
- No. He's really creative.
Maybe that's what we should do,
book a photo session.
- I'd like that, actually.
- That's what we'll do, honey!
- That's my present for you.
- Thanks.
Well, well. He does have
his moments. When he's allowed.
A latte, please.
Make sure it's hot.
- Hi, Frankie. What's up?
- They've given me coffee in a glass.
I want my coffee in a cup.
Glasses are for lemonade.
- Can I have my coffee in a cup?
- Yes.
We're going to be photographed.
To immortalize our anniversary.
- Why immortalize a day you forgot?
- If we had a picture on the wall...
You're not hanging it at home.
You can't hang a picture of yourself.
- Drop it. It's a loser thing to do.
- Mia wants to do it.
- But it's a shitty idea.
- Yeah. When are you doing it?
- Four o'clock.
- I need your help at five.
We need to empty out
Iben's grandmother's place.
She died last night. I'll get
four or five other helpers as well.
It's not hot, damn it.
It's bloody cold!
- Hello.
- Hi. I'm Frank.
- Hi, Frank.
- Hi. I'm Mia.
- We called earlier...
- Are you that Frank? Frank Hvam?
- Yes, yes.
- From "Far Away From..."?
- Hello and welcome. I'm Lau.
- Hello again. Hi, Lau.
- You like the show?
- Oh, yes. I'm a big fan.
That's good to know.
I'm glad to hear that.
- What do you have in mind?
- We'd like a photo of us.
- Traditional? A classic photo?
- Yes, call it what you want.
Let's just go
for a "traditional" one.
Would you go
for something in the nude?
- No...
- Without clothes, you mean?
I've got to tell you
that being undressed -
- creates intimacy and feeling
and a space where...
- We don't want that.
- And a glow of... no?
We just want the normal one.
- How much does it cost?
- 600 kroner.
But I'd like to do it on the house.
For your sake, Frank.
I'd like to do that for you.
We'll do it on the house. Okay?
That's up to you.
Right... well.
Hang your coats over there.
I'll be there in a sec.
Right...
- It doesn't matter.
- I can't go in there.
Stop that.
Lean against each other's shoulders
and let your ears touch.
If I can just touch... And then
you look at the camera over here.
What's this supposed to look like?
It looks as if our heads
are joined together.
Okay. Let's swap places.
We'll do the horse instead.
Pretend that it's a horse and look
as if you're an experienced rider.
Mia... you get up on the horse.
That's it.
- All the way into Frank's lap.
- Like this?
Sorry, but I have to be
somewhere in half an hour.
- Try and smile with your eyes.
- It's easier with your mouth.
Teeth don't look good in a photo.
Close your mouth.
Be together. Be up on the horse.
That's it... whoops!
I'll put up some things
to spread joy.
- Should we look into the lens?
- Yes. That was the first one.
No teeth, Mia.
Smile with your eyes. Come on!
Too much glasses, Frank.
Project to the camera... yes!
And again... yes, that's it!
Come on.
- Hi.
- You're late.
- The guy was in a wheelchair.
- Oh. Okay.
- I thought it was only two boxes?
- There's more.
- God, it smells of old lady!
- Take off your coat and get going.
- Where's everybody?
- John Zoffmann is here.
- No one else?
- No. It's better that way.
- He's not a removal man.
- Is this Iben? That's incredible.
- Maybe it's her sister.
- Good picture.
- What's wrong?
- What is it?
He's into colours and design.
He's got no raw strength.
Put down that thing and get going.
We need to... you know.
Frank, you take the boxes down.
You sort through things in there.
I've promised Iben to save
any pictures of her that we find.
All the boxes are going out.
The movers will take the rest.
- Can you lift one of those?
- Of course. Or two, or three.
- I'd like to see you lift two.
- Of course he can do that.
Let me take those.
Gosh, they're light!
- You want this as well, John.
- Take it down to the car, then.
- You think I'm a wimp.
- You're good at colours.
- I'm going.
- I just need to see this, Casper.
That's great. Oh, I guess that's it.
Did you see that, Casper?
- Damn!
- What happened?
- Are you joking?
- My arse is on fire. Oh, no.
- Shall I take you home?
- Would you? It hurts like hell.
Hang on. What happened?
- He got a backache.
- What was he doing?
I don't know. He just started
screaming, "My arse is on fire!"
- See you, Frank.
- Aren't you coming back?
- I could have a coffee and wait.
- Come on. We need to finish here.
John's arse is burning...
Coming, John.
Take the boxes to the dump.
We'll talk later.
- Well, what do we have here?
- Bit of this, bit of that.
Why, it's Frank!
Hi, I've seen you on TV.
- Have you sorted it?
- No. It's not my stuff.
I'll show you how it works.
There you are. Front row.
- I don't need to see it...
- Oh, yes. It's a special honour.
What do you say? You don't
want your leg caught in that.
We're talking tons here,
I can tell you.
Just put it over there.
I'll deal with it.
Just put it over there.
I'll deal with it.
Hi. Mission accomplished.
- It's all gone.
- That's cool.
I've been over to Zoffmann's. What
an idiot. His arse is still burning!
Iben? You know what?
Frank has taken care of everything.
- That's great. Thank you, Frank.
- What a guy, eh?
What about the little box
with all the photos?
- You didn't throw it out, did you?
- Yeah, the red one.
Are you out of your mind?
Frank? On top of all the stuff
there was a little box -
- with pictures in.
You didn't throw that out, did you?
A wooden box, right?
The little box at the top?
The one with pictures in...
- You didn't throw it out, did you?
- Yeah.
Why did you do that?
It was full of pictures of me
from my childhood.
I want that box back.
Right now.
I just don't get what that
friendship is about. I don't get it.
I don't want to hear another word!
- If only I'd known...
- It's not your fault.
Of course not. But I couldn't
say that when Iben was there.
I haven't done anything wrong here.
Well, you haven't exactly
outshone yourself, either.
What the hell is that?
What a crap picture, Frank.
Hi, Frank. What do you think?
Doesn't it look good?
- What are you doing, Lau?
- I enlarged it to max size.
- I don't want it hanging there.
- Sorry?
It's a private photo
of me and my girlfriend.
Okay. I hear what you're saying.
There's two things in this.
- I gave it to you for free.
- Only because...
- Please don't point at me.
- It's not a gun.
We made a deal. I'd like
to work with you in the future.
- How much do you want?
- I don't want your money.
You're an annoying prick.
Take down that fucking picture!
- No. No way.
- I'll do it myself, then.
- You'll have to get past me first.
- Do it, or I'll take your chair.
- The picture is staying.
- I'll take your wheelchair, Lau.
- You took my face. It's only fair.
- Okay. Have a nice weekend.
- Fine.
- Three, two...
... one. We're going.
What an incredible
photo jerk...
Let's go get the box.
Come on. We need that box.
- What about the wheelchair?
- Just leave it there.
- Someone might take it.
- So what?
- I don't like that.
- What do you want to do?
We'll take it with us and come
back later. Maybe he'll give up.
Hello?
Anybody home?
- What's up, Frank?
- Hi. We we're looking for you.
You've brought your mate, I see.
Hi, Casper. Welcome.
- Has he talked about the place?
- No.
He's trained, you know. You could
take over for me on Sundays!
- The boxes I handed in last time..?
- They've been crushed.
In one of the boxes there was
a small case with pictures -
- which shouldn't have been
thrown out.
It's your lucky day, boys.
Do you think he's looked at them?
- Have you looked inside?
- Yeah. It's your girlfriend, eh?
- Have you looked inside?
- Yeah. It's your girlfriend, eh?
I had to check what was in it,
in case it was iron or something.
You're lucky. You saw
what that machine can do.
- No. I can't do that.
- Go on. Take it.
- Okay, then.
- Thanks. We appreciate it.
I emptied your trailer for you.
I know you're no good at sorting.
- You didn't take the wheelchair?
- Yes, I did.
Damn it!
I'm in big trouble. Lau will
tell Susan, and she'll tell Mia...
- We've got the box and the pictures.
- But the wheelchair...
Forget it. He probably hasn't
taken the picture down anyway.
Let's see...
Yes, he bloody well has!
- Cool.
- Susan is going to bite my head off.
Hi, Susan.
Well...
- Well... Pretty stupid, eh?
- In retrospect, yes.
We need the wheelchair,
because Lau is paralysed.
- You've taken it, I hear?
- It's been crushed.
No bloody way! He used that chair
in the Paralympics in Sidney 2000!
It means a hell of a lot to him.
What the hell were you thinking?
- What were you thinking?
- Let me talk to him.
- Lau, how much is a wheelchair?
- 8000 kroner.
I've crossed the cheque, in case
someone rolls you on the way.
You can forget your lousy jokes
after what you've done.
Oh, no.
Was it the doorbell?
It's probably someone from
the Red Cross, asking for money.
It stopped.
- Why don't you open?
- I thought it was some collection.
- What the hell are you doing?
- We're having sex.
- Dressed like that?
- Yes.
- How far have you got?
- I had a hard-on.
- Not anymore, I hope?
- No, no. You're a real turn-off.
I've heard that before.
Fine. You've got to help me.
John Zoffmann still has a bad back.
Grandma's funeral is in half an hour.
John was supposed to be pallbearer.
I can't. Mia and I are celebrating
our anniversary plus one day.
- How heavy is she?
- Never mind. You have to be six!
Hi, Mia. I'm going to kidnap Frank
for an hour or so.
Iben's grandmother died, you know.
The whole family are devastated,
and the funeral is in 20 minutes.
- We need a guy to carry the coffin.
- You have to do that, Frank.
- We were having a good time.
- Get dressed, now.
- Are Iben and Zoffmann in the car?
- Yes. The mood is at rock bottom.
Zoffmann's back is hurting,
and Iben is upset about everything.
I don't want to rush you, but...
- I'm sorry about ruining your day.
- It's okay.
It wasn't going to happen anyway.
- I've got my period.
- Oh. And he doesn't know that?
---
THE FIVE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY
Based on true events
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
What's the time?
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I'm supposed to meet Casper at 10.
- You're what?
- We're off to a monster truck show.
- Today's our five-year anniversary.
- What?
It's our five-year anniversary.
Fuck!
I completely forgot about that.
- Typical...
- I'm sorry. Congratulations!
Super...
We managed five years, eh?
- Don't get dressed.
- But it's a monster truck show...
- Can't you do it some other time?
- No, it's a one-off.
A guy called Monti Bossle. They're
only doing one show in Denmark.
- Casper will understand, I'm sure.
- No, I don't think he will.
- He's booked a babysitter.
- Call him and say you're sorry.
I can tell him I'm sorry,
but I'm not going to cancel.
Take care, honey.
Bye, bye.
Call some of your friends.
- Are they taking the piss or what?
- The local directory?
- Why would I want that?
- To find a phone number?
I don't know anybody in this book.
Why would I call... Janni Rolf?
- Maybe she's good-looking.
- It should have pictures in it.
- Are you ready to leave?
- I'm not going.
What? I've just walked out
on our anniversary. Mia is furious.
Iben's grandmother fell ill
last night. Seriously ill.
And you're dressing up
as a doctor or what?
Iben is really upset and a bit...
you know. So we're going to stay in.
- I'm cancelling the monster thing.
- Bossle Helldrivers?
I've got "Iben Helldrivers" sitting
in the lounge. See you, Frank.
- Maybe I should talk to her?
- What about?
I'm good at handling Iben,
you know. Let me talk to her.
I've got to see this. Pure
"Helldrivers"... Go for it, Bossle!
Hi, Iben. Can I come in?
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Frank popped by.
- I hear that your grandma is ill?
Yes...
- That's too bad.
- Yeah. Sorry, it's just...
In my experience, once people
of that age go to the hospital, -
- they don't have long to go.
It's important... I know this
from the time I lost my uncle, -
- to say goodbye to them
at some level, -
- so that you can move on
with your life.
- You should go and talk to a friend.
- No. That's not a good idea.
I prefer to be here -
- and prepare myself,
in case someone calls...
It's like being on standby,
you know.
What's so funny?
It's just that Casper and I were
going to see a monster truck show.
- Today?
- Yeah, but we cancelled.
No one's going to look
at monster trucks today.
- Family comes first.
- You can't just put life on standby.
- Could you see Frank out now?
- Iben is a bit...
- Carpe diem, you know.
- I'll see you out.
Give my love to your grandmother.
I don't know if she remembers me
or if I've even met her.
- You've never met her.
- Bye, Iben.
- I had a bad start there.
- It's bloody annoying.
- There was an opening at one point.
- Yeah, well... we tried.
- I knew it would be hard.
- She likes to split hairs.
- Yeah, but nice try. Bye.
- Bye.
Hi, Mia.
The monster truck thing is off.
Let's celebrate our anniversary.
I suggest a good shag.
Hi, Frank.
Hello, Susan.
- I've got some work to do.
- You don't forget an anniversary.
- Five years is important!
- I'm actually feeling a bit down.
Because Iben's grandmother
is seriously ill.
Hi, honey.
You invited Susan over?
Yeah. She's had the
most gorgeous pictures taken.
- Well, well...
- Have a look.
- They're really good.
- Yes, I think so.
Look at this. Your average
photographer wouldn't do this.
- Make you look down like that...
- No. He's really creative.
Maybe that's what we should do,
book a photo session.
- I'd like that, actually.
- That's what we'll do, honey!
- That's my present for you.
- Thanks.
Well, well. He does have
his moments. When he's allowed.
A latte, please.
Make sure it's hot.
- Hi, Frankie. What's up?
- They've given me coffee in a glass.
I want my coffee in a cup.
Glasses are for lemonade.
- Can I have my coffee in a cup?
- Yes.
We're going to be photographed.
To immortalize our anniversary.
- Why immortalize a day you forgot?
- If we had a picture on the wall...
You're not hanging it at home.
You can't hang a picture of yourself.
- Drop it. It's a loser thing to do.
- Mia wants to do it.
- But it's a shitty idea.
- Yeah. When are you doing it?
- Four o'clock.
- I need your help at five.
We need to empty out
Iben's grandmother's place.
She died last night. I'll get
four or five other helpers as well.
It's not hot, damn it.
It's bloody cold!
- Hello.
- Hi. I'm Frank.
- Hi, Frank.
- Hi. I'm Mia.
- We called earlier...
- Are you that Frank? Frank Hvam?
- Yes, yes.
- From "Far Away From..."?
- Hello and welcome. I'm Lau.
- Hello again. Hi, Lau.
- You like the show?
- Oh, yes. I'm a big fan.
That's good to know.
I'm glad to hear that.
- What do you have in mind?
- We'd like a photo of us.
- Traditional? A classic photo?
- Yes, call it what you want.
Let's just go
for a "traditional" one.
Would you go
for something in the nude?
- No...
- Without clothes, you mean?
I've got to tell you
that being undressed -
- creates intimacy and feeling
and a space where...
- We don't want that.
- And a glow of... no?
We just want the normal one.
- How much does it cost?
- 600 kroner.
But I'd like to do it on the house.
For your sake, Frank.
I'd like to do that for you.
We'll do it on the house. Okay?
That's up to you.
Right... well.
Hang your coats over there.
I'll be there in a sec.
Right...
- It doesn't matter.
- I can't go in there.
Stop that.
Lean against each other's shoulders
and let your ears touch.
If I can just touch... And then
you look at the camera over here.
What's this supposed to look like?
It looks as if our heads
are joined together.
Okay. Let's swap places.
We'll do the horse instead.
Pretend that it's a horse and look
as if you're an experienced rider.
Mia... you get up on the horse.
That's it.
- All the way into Frank's lap.
- Like this?
Sorry, but I have to be
somewhere in half an hour.
- Try and smile with your eyes.
- It's easier with your mouth.
Teeth don't look good in a photo.
Close your mouth.
Be together. Be up on the horse.
That's it... whoops!
I'll put up some things
to spread joy.
- Should we look into the lens?
- Yes. That was the first one.
No teeth, Mia.
Smile with your eyes. Come on!
Too much glasses, Frank.
Project to the camera... yes!
And again... yes, that's it!
Come on.
- Hi.
- You're late.
- The guy was in a wheelchair.
- Oh. Okay.
- I thought it was only two boxes?
- There's more.
- God, it smells of old lady!
- Take off your coat and get going.
- Where's everybody?
- John Zoffmann is here.
- No one else?
- No. It's better that way.
- He's not a removal man.
- Is this Iben? That's incredible.
- Maybe it's her sister.
- Good picture.
- What's wrong?
- What is it?
He's into colours and design.
He's got no raw strength.
Put down that thing and get going.
We need to... you know.
Frank, you take the boxes down.
You sort through things in there.
I've promised Iben to save
any pictures of her that we find.
All the boxes are going out.
The movers will take the rest.
- Can you lift one of those?
- Of course. Or two, or three.
- I'd like to see you lift two.
- Of course he can do that.
Let me take those.
Gosh, they're light!
- You want this as well, John.
- Take it down to the car, then.
- You think I'm a wimp.
- You're good at colours.
- I'm going.
- I just need to see this, Casper.
That's great. Oh, I guess that's it.
Did you see that, Casper?
- Damn!
- What happened?
- Are you joking?
- My arse is on fire. Oh, no.
- Shall I take you home?
- Would you? It hurts like hell.
Hang on. What happened?
- He got a backache.
- What was he doing?
I don't know. He just started
screaming, "My arse is on fire!"
- See you, Frank.
- Aren't you coming back?
- I could have a coffee and wait.
- Come on. We need to finish here.
John's arse is burning...
Coming, John.
Take the boxes to the dump.
We'll talk later.
- Well, what do we have here?
- Bit of this, bit of that.
Why, it's Frank!
Hi, I've seen you on TV.
- Have you sorted it?
- No. It's not my stuff.
I'll show you how it works.
There you are. Front row.
- I don't need to see it...
- Oh, yes. It's a special honour.
What do you say? You don't
want your leg caught in that.
We're talking tons here,
I can tell you.
Just put it over there.
I'll deal with it.
Just put it over there.
I'll deal with it.
Hi. Mission accomplished.
- It's all gone.
- That's cool.
I've been over to Zoffmann's. What
an idiot. His arse is still burning!
Iben? You know what?
Frank has taken care of everything.
- That's great. Thank you, Frank.
- What a guy, eh?
What about the little box
with all the photos?
- You didn't throw it out, did you?
- Yeah, the red one.
Are you out of your mind?
Frank? On top of all the stuff
there was a little box -
- with pictures in.
You didn't throw that out, did you?
A wooden box, right?
The little box at the top?
The one with pictures in...
- You didn't throw it out, did you?
- Yeah.
Why did you do that?
It was full of pictures of me
from my childhood.
I want that box back.
Right now.
I just don't get what that
friendship is about. I don't get it.
I don't want to hear another word!
- If only I'd known...
- It's not your fault.
Of course not. But I couldn't
say that when Iben was there.
I haven't done anything wrong here.
Well, you haven't exactly
outshone yourself, either.
What the hell is that?
What a crap picture, Frank.
Hi, Frank. What do you think?
Doesn't it look good?
- What are you doing, Lau?
- I enlarged it to max size.
- I don't want it hanging there.
- Sorry?
It's a private photo
of me and my girlfriend.
Okay. I hear what you're saying.
There's two things in this.
- I gave it to you for free.
- Only because...
- Please don't point at me.
- It's not a gun.
We made a deal. I'd like
to work with you in the future.
- How much do you want?
- I don't want your money.
You're an annoying prick.
Take down that fucking picture!
- No. No way.
- I'll do it myself, then.
- You'll have to get past me first.
- Do it, or I'll take your chair.
- The picture is staying.
- I'll take your wheelchair, Lau.
- You took my face. It's only fair.
- Okay. Have a nice weekend.
- Fine.
- Three, two...
... one. We're going.
What an incredible
photo jerk...
Let's go get the box.
Come on. We need that box.
- What about the wheelchair?
- Just leave it there.
- Someone might take it.
- So what?
- I don't like that.
- What do you want to do?
We'll take it with us and come
back later. Maybe he'll give up.
Hello?
Anybody home?
- What's up, Frank?
- Hi. We we're looking for you.
You've brought your mate, I see.
Hi, Casper. Welcome.
- Has he talked about the place?
- No.
He's trained, you know. You could
take over for me on Sundays!
- The boxes I handed in last time..?
- They've been crushed.
In one of the boxes there was
a small case with pictures -
- which shouldn't have been
thrown out.
It's your lucky day, boys.
Do you think he's looked at them?
- Have you looked inside?
- Yeah. It's your girlfriend, eh?
- Have you looked inside?
- Yeah. It's your girlfriend, eh?
I had to check what was in it,
in case it was iron or something.
You're lucky. You saw
what that machine can do.
- No. I can't do that.
- Go on. Take it.
- Okay, then.
- Thanks. We appreciate it.
I emptied your trailer for you.
I know you're no good at sorting.
- You didn't take the wheelchair?
- Yes, I did.
Damn it!
I'm in big trouble. Lau will
tell Susan, and she'll tell Mia...
- We've got the box and the pictures.
- But the wheelchair...
Forget it. He probably hasn't
taken the picture down anyway.
Let's see...
Yes, he bloody well has!
- Cool.
- Susan is going to bite my head off.
Hi, Susan.
Well...
- Well... Pretty stupid, eh?
- In retrospect, yes.
We need the wheelchair,
because Lau is paralysed.
- You've taken it, I hear?
- It's been crushed.
No bloody way! He used that chair
in the Paralympics in Sidney 2000!
It means a hell of a lot to him.
What the hell were you thinking?
- What were you thinking?
- Let me talk to him.
- Lau, how much is a wheelchair?
- 8000 kroner.
I've crossed the cheque, in case
someone rolls you on the way.
You can forget your lousy jokes
after what you've done.
Oh, no.
Was it the doorbell?
It's probably someone from
the Red Cross, asking for money.
It stopped.
- Why don't you open?
- I thought it was some collection.
- What the hell are you doing?
- We're having sex.
- Dressed like that?
- Yes.
- How far have you got?
- I had a hard-on.
- Not anymore, I hope?
- No, no. You're a real turn-off.
I've heard that before.
Fine. You've got to help me.
John Zoffmann still has a bad back.
Grandma's funeral is in half an hour.
John was supposed to be pallbearer.
I can't. Mia and I are celebrating
our anniversary plus one day.
- How heavy is she?
- Never mind. You have to be six!
Hi, Mia. I'm going to kidnap Frank
for an hour or so.
Iben's grandmother died, you know.
The whole family are devastated,
and the funeral is in 20 minutes.
- We need a guy to carry the coffin.
- You have to do that, Frank.
- We were having a good time.
- Get dressed, now.
- Are Iben and Zoffmann in the car?
- Yes. The mood is at rock bottom.
Zoffmann's back is hurting,
and Iben is upset about everything.
I don't want to rush you, but...
- I'm sorry about ruining your day.
- It's okay.
It wasn't going to happen anyway.
- I've got my period.
- Oh. And he doesn't know that?