Kitchen Nightmares (2007–2014): Season 5, Episode 1 - Blackberry's - full transcript
What's purple, yellow, dirty, and failing? Blackberry's, under the mouthy un-listening dictator Shelly.
- Don't call me a liar Gordon,
you don't fucking don't
call me a liar man,
'cause if you do that
you're out the fucking door
with the camera crew
and I'll tell you that.
- Kick me out the door.
- Don't call me a liar.
- [Gordon] Desperate
restaurateur
Alan Love's going bust.
- Just what I put my whole
life into and everything
I have ever earned my whole
life is in this place.
- Honestly, if I was
Alan I'd come here
and fucking fire all of us.
- [Gordon] Alan's lazy,
crazy chefs
are taking advantage of him.
- Gordon, you know
- I can't work another
shit day in here.
- The restaurant is sinking
but Alan's too soft to save it.
Now we're in choppy waters.
(laughter)
Alan's in denial about
the whole mess.
There's no reasoning
with you is there?
At times like this I
think you deserve to sink.
- He ain't god, he's
Gordon Ramsay,
a successful businessman.
Screw him.
(dramatic music)
- I've arrived early
to surprise a fancy oyster bar
in Brighton's bohemian
Kemptown District.
(upbeat music)
My challenge is
called Ruby Tates.
It's in a camp alternative area
where most people read
the Guardian.
They like eating out but
they do so with a conscience.
Morning sir.
But they're taking it
a bit too far
with their pretty boy eco-taxis.
Fucking hell.
Rumour has it that I
am a bit of a gay icon,
yeah, featured in the
top 10 last year
and yeah, bit of a worry,
every year we're going up.
This is a perfect area
to set up a restaurant.
It's got a really nice
social buzz about it.
They're not short of
money round here.
This is almost like
sort of Soho on the sea.
Oh, dear, oh, dear, can't
exactly jump the lights
in this fucking thing can you?
(upbeat music)
Former star of stage
and screen, Alan Love,
opened upmarket seafood
restaurant Ruby Tates a year
ago.
He thought he'd spotted
a gap in the market
for fancy dining.
- It's a different atmosphere,
a totally different atmosphere
to a normal restaurant.
People don't just come to eat,
they come for the
dining experience.
- [Gordon] Alan serves up
expensive seafood to Kemptown,
trouble is no-one wants it
and he's losing a grand
and a half a week.
- Yeah, I think fish is
the way forward,
the oysters and the
fish is something
that's going to be bigger in
in the very near future,
not the distant future.
- [Gordon] Undeterred by
his huge losses,
Alan thinks he's got it right
and spends his time dreaming
of his great starring roles.
- A lot of West End shows, Cats,
Godspell.
This is my stage here, you know,
this is where I get
up and perform.
One door open.
Yeah, I call it the
Alan Love Show
but it's kind of isn't
the Alan Love Show
it's just me, yeah.
If people laugh I don't care
whether they laugh with me
or at me, as long as they laugh.
(laughter)
- [Gordon] While Alan
dreams of his past,
he ignores the kitchen,
leaving it all to his two chefs.
First there's laid-back
Aussie traveller Jamie.
- There's no sort of
passion there,
there's no fucking motivation
to fucking come to work,
you know.
I'll be honest with you,
I'm just doing it for the
fucking, for the maller man.
- [Gordon] But there's also
volatile fiery Frenchman Alex
who can't control his temper.
- Thank you, you go out.
You go out please.
- I ask you to.
- Please you go out.
- You are.
- Please you go out.
- You don't.
- Thank you darling out,
you don't come back in kitchen.
I don't care what
people think of me.
You know, only people I care
is like my fucking parents
and my girlfriends, alright?
- Everything's great
apart from the fucking.
- [Gordon] But
everything isn't great.
Alan's about to go bust and
he's in denial about it.
- The genius of the people
in the world that are geniuses
they surround themselves
with genius, that's
their genius.
Andrew Lloyd Webber
is one example.
- I'm the nice guy
he's a (beep).
- And what I try and do
in the kitchen
is have the best that
I can afford to have.
- Honestly, if I was
Alan I'd come here
and fucking fire all of us.
But he doesn't, man, he's
paying us to fucking,
he knows we sit on our arse.
- [Gordon] They're not
expecting me at Ruby Tates
'til this evening.
- Right, I really want to
catch this restaurant napping,
I'm going to jump in there
now and join a table for lunch
and see what they serve
normal customers
without them knowing
that I'm coming.
For the first time I've secretly
asked a couple of foodies
to go under cover and
order for me.
I don't want the chefs making
a special effort on my behalf,
I want to eat what gets
served every day.
(upbeat music)
- It's not five star,
it's not even three star,
but in the end it's not shit.
- Three course menu, 25 quid.
- How are you?
- How are you?
- Good to see you mate,
I caught the early train.
- Oh, the early train?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- How are you, are you well?
- [Alan] Welcome to Ruby Tates.
- Is he already in then?
He's out there.
Yeah, you fucking got us.
- My dining
companions have ordered
a plat of fruits de mer
usually served cold.
That's the strangest plat
of fruits de mer
I've ever seen in my
entire life.
Where's the ice, it's
actually hot man.
- [Man] It's warm, yeah.
- That's a first.
Well, you'd think for 55 quid
they'd take the shit sack
out of the lobster wouldn't you?
Damn, I don't think it works,
though, gritty lobster.
- Bon appetite.
- How was your, how
was your oyster?
- Interesting, I don't
fancy those though.
- This expensive seafood
just goes stale as
no-one's buying it.
It smells.
- Oh, dear, it's not for me.
- And it looks like
someone's put a dog's dick
in the fucking oyster poison.
Jesus Christ, what
happened to him?
Holy fuck, is that normal?
- Like that, yes.
- I mean, that's just like a
little rubber elastic band,
it's like eating the
inside of a golf ball.
- [Alex] And what,
what does he say?
- He doesn't like them.
He says that's like a golf ball.
- And that?
- I think he said
it was bitter.
- Bitter?
- Yeah.
- [Alex] Alan can you
put that in bin please?
- [Gordon] Serving old, poorly
cooked seafood is dangerous.
Whoever's the head chef
shouldn't allow it.
- Seriously, mate, can you
get that fucking camera
out of my face please,
seriously,
just for 30 seconds here.
You can tell now
everything's shit
but we don't need Gordon
for tell us that
we know that from the
start it's shit.
- [Waiter] Lemon and cake
are very sauce.
- [Gordon] The menu is far
too expensive for the area
and as for the artwork.
- [Waiter] Would you
like the dessert menu?
- Was somebody sick
on the walls?
- No, the artwork is by
a local artist.
- There's a pair of
knickers on the wall there
on that painting.
- There is, yeah.
- But is that legit, that is
a pair of encrusted knickers?
- Yeah, it is.
And it's part of the
artwork as well.
- Yeah, why not?
Next up, sea bass served
on a bed of chorizo.
That's definitely farmed,
farmed sea bass from Greece
and 100 metres from the beach.
Almost like the chef's given up,
bored and fallen out of
love with fish really.
If it's not available
locally caught
then take it off the menu.
- Yeah.
Another satisfied customer.
- Meal disgusting, total
cost 175 quid.
- You all right sir?
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
How was your meal?
- Yeah, interesting
and different.
- [Jamie] Is he paying for this?
- It's obvious why people
aren't coming,
bad food at rip-off prices.
With turnover being so dire.
How long can it
continue to stay open?
Can you get through the summer?
- No, I mean, I've just
borrowed another 30 grand,
but that's the end of
it, I've got no more.
So if that goes it's over.
- Don't get upset, hey!
It's good to meet you.
Don't get upset, hey!
- Yeah.
- Get some fresh air.
I can see it in your face,
I can see how fucking
painful it is.
- Well, it's just you get
to the end of the finance
and when there's no more.
I didn't realise things were
that fragile, I'm sorry, yes?
- No, it's not fragile,
it's just, you know,
sometimes something hits a nerve
and unfortunately
this hits a nerve
because you know I try
not to look at it.
And I try not to think about it,
But you're still trying to
find the money to pay all that.
And I'm very proud of
what I've done
and it's probably not right
and maybe I'm full of crap,
but it's just what I've
put my whole life into
and everything I have
ever earned my whole life
is in this place.
- [Gordon] Distraught
Alan's right on the edge.
I'm going to confront
the head chef
who's responsible for this mess.
- [Alan] Gentlemen, Mr. Ramsay
would like to say hello.
This is Jamie.
- Jamie.
- [Jamie] Afternoon sir.
- How are you buddy,
are you well?
You're from where?
- Australia.
- Australia, this is who?
- Isaac.
- Isaac, how are you buddy?
- And Alex.
- Nice to meet you.
- Alex, enchante.
- Enchante.
- From France.
- From France, oui and.
- Chef.
- Chef?
- Not head chef, just a chef.
- Chef, part-time chef.
- [Gordon] So you must be
the head chef?
- No, I'm the same as Jamie.
We work together as a
team always together,
we have no head chef in
this kitchen.
- Right, so who takes
charge here,
I'm just trying to
figure out the.
- No-one.
- The set up of the kitchen.
- [Alan] What the menu
or the kitchen?
- [Gordon] Both, fuck me.
- No-one really look,
honestly man,
look, we just get, sort
of get the job done.
- We're in the shit my friend
and your attitude stinks.
Why are you here then?
- Just to get a bit of money
and travel on, I'm moving on.
I'm not here to be a hero.
- I'm not asking you
to be a hero,
I'm just asking you to
find some form of passion.
Let me talk to you about lunch.
The plat of fruits de
mer was fucking hideous.
How the fuck can I sit in
the restaurant,
beach a hundred metres
in front of me
and eat a farmed sea
bass from Greece
that should be in a
fucking Chinese restaurant
in the middle of Soho?
- [Alex] 'Cause it's hard
to get fish in Brighton.
- What?
- Yeah.
I know it's wrong, I
know it's wrong.
Like close to the sea
you're supposed to have
20 fish when I'm on the
fucking seafront.
- There's no fresh fish
in fucking Brighton?
- Where, what shop, where
we can buy that?
- [Gordon] What shop?
- [Alex] Like fish supplier?
- What about the fish market?
Alex, you're 32 years of age.
- [Alex] Yes.
- Yeah, you speak fucking
good English, yeah?
- Yeah.
- And your attitude stinks.
- Why she stinks, tell me?
- (foreign language)
- Don't judge me like that,
you know,
because it start to
pisses me off now.
- Have you given up?
Yeah, I told you, yeah,
- I given up all that
because I'm not interest
enough by what I do every day.
- [Gordon] So why don't you
fuck off back to France?
- Just about all the customers
go out and say it's great.
What can I tell you?
You know, in their defence,
you know, not my defence but.
- I can't believe my ears,
Alan denies there's anything
wrong with the food.
This guy's lost touch
with reality.
How long can you both continue
taking the piss out of him?
That guy burst into
tears in the bar.
I don't know if you've realised
how fragile he is right now?
- Yeah, we know.
- Yeah, I do.
- He looks like a guy
who's about to fuck off
on Brighton Pier and
jump off the end.
(upbeat music)
Sentimental old actor Alan
Love's posh seafood restaurant
is about to fold and he's
harbouring a dark secret.
- One would think that
if you opened
a seafood restaurant you'd
actually like to eat seafood.
- I have a bit of an
aversion to fish, yeah.
Just because I had a bone
in my throat to clear
and three days and I couldn't,
I had a real problem with it
and if I get a bone I get
physically sick.
- [Gordon] How old were you
when you got the bone
stuck in your throat?
- [Alan] Probably about five.
Five, how old are you now?
- 60.
- 60.
- It's been a while.
- It's absurd.
How can Alan judge his menu
if he doesn't even eat it?
But what else is wrong?
I want to know what the
locals think.
You look cool, trendy, dapper.
- Yeah, thanks very much.
- If I said to you the word
Ruby Tates what does it mean?
- Ruby?
- Tates.
- Sort of curry thing I suppose.
- Ruby Tates, what does it mean?
- Something to do with potatoes.
- [Gordon] Why
haven't you been in?
- The decor.
- Pretentious, no
substance perhaps.
- What do you think
of the decor?
- A bit 80s.
- Yeah.
Yeah, just looks a bit wacky.
- What do you look for in
a seafood restaurant here?
- Fish and chips.
- Alan's ponsy restaurant
offers very expensive,
badly cooked seafood, stupid
decor, meaningless name
and what the people of
Brighton want is good,
locally caught fish
cooked simply.
Farmed sea bass and a
hot plat of fruits de mer
will not get the punters
back into Ruby Tates,
that's for sure.
The slack chefs are
paid well to cook dross.
I need to investigate
what they're doing wrong.
Expensive lobster will only
attract niche customers
and they won't come back
if it's badly cooked.
M adam, what did you have?
- I had the poached lobster.
- The poached lobster.
- Which was tepid.
- A bit dire.
- Was it tough?
- Yes it's tough.
- Yeah, flavourless wasn't it,
you feel the same.
- [Gordon] I'm going to
get to the bottom of why
this lobster tastes so tough.
Jesus, how come
they're all cooked?
You don't cook these to order?
- No they cook them before.
They're just blanched in water
for like four minutes,
that's it.
- Really?
They look like
they've been cooked
for a lot longer than
four minutes.
There's so much money in here.
But why are they all cooked and
separated from their bodies?
- [Alex] Because if I
want to use them you see
I can pick up straight
away like that.
- Jesus, look,
another shit sack.
There's 200 pounds worth
of lobster here.
Pre-cooking is wasteful
and ruins the taste.
It's barmy.
When, when did these arrive?
- [Alex] This morning.
- But they're all open.
- They arrived this morning.
- I know, but you're not
serving them are you?
But they're dead,
they're all open.
- Some not inside.
- What, Alex, come on,
fuck me, I'm not blind.
- I know, I know you're
not blind Gordon.
- They're, they're open,
every one of them is open.
So are we using them tonight?
If we need some, yeah.
- But you'll kill somebody,
they're all open, they're dead.
You can't serve them Alex.
- Yeah, I know that.
- You're not that
fucking stupid?
- No, I'm not fucking
stupid about that,
I know a little bit about fish.
- [Gordon] So, are we going
to serve these tonight?
- No.
- Thank you.
Fucking hell, put
them in the bin.
Jesus Christ, fuck me!
Those mussels could
have been fatal.
I'm going to tackle Alan
about the kitchen disasters.
Bizarrely he acts like
there's no complaints.
- [Alan] There's no
sense in lying,
I'm telling you the truth,
in general people love it.
- I'm fucking amazed.
- [Alan] At what?
- I've been here for
the first day
I found fucking bought in
farmed sea bass, open
fucking mussels,
the most horrendous fucking
plat of fruits de mer
I've ever seen in my entire
life and now you're thinking
that it's unfair that
someone's complaining about it.
- No, I'm not
complaining for it,
I'm just, I'm telling you what.
- You're a very good actor.
- [Alan] No, no, no, I'm
telling you what I'm told.
No, I don't need to bullshit
and I'm not gonna lie.
- Yeah but you
bullshit yourself.
- Bullshit, no I'm not, no,
'cause I've been honest
with you from day one
and I would always be honest.
You're not gonna get lies here,
you're gonna get the
fucking truth.
If someone, if people
are complaining
I tell you people complain.
They don't complain.
What do you want off me?
- It's not about what I
want off you.
- Oh, I know, I know, but
I'm telling you.
- You amaze me, you're amazing.
- I'm telling you the truth.
- You're still acting.
No, you, no, you're
telling me I'm a liar.
Don't tell me I'm a
liar, don't do that man.
I'm not acting, I'm
telling you the truth.
- Did I, did I call you a liar?
- Yeah you called me an actor.
Acting is bullshit.
- What did I just say?
What did I just say?
- You said it, you
said people are.
- You amaze me.
So the mussels were
fucking closed were they?
- [Alan] Yeah, it's got
nothing to do with that,
I didn't see the mussels
so I'll take your word
yes they were closed.
- Now, listen.
- [Alan] I didn't know
that they were open.
- I ate one.
- Don't tell me I'm acting
and I'm lying, 'cause I ain't.
And I ain't man and it
ain't happening.
It ain't happening.
- You're doing a good show,
a really good job.
- Thanks, you're out of
order, you're out of order
telling me I'm doing a show,
I ain't doing a show,
I'm running.
- You are.
- I'm running, doing things.
- You don't have to point.
- No, bullshit.
- [Gordon] I said you amaze me.
All these things going on
in your kitchen
and you don't give a fuck.
You don't give a fuck.
- Of course I give a fuck
you silly arse.
- [Gordon] Sorry?
- Silly arse, you're
a silly arse,
why do you think I
don't give a fuck?
How dare you.
- You're scared.
- How dare you say I
don't give a fuck.
- You're scared.
- What am I scared of, what you?
- [Gordon] You are
scared, no, not me, hey!
- What?
- You're scared
about your chefs,
you're shit scared of them.
- Oh, am I, okay, fine, fine.
- You just called me
a silly arse.
- [Alan] Yeah, well, yeah.
- You haven't got the bollocks
to go in there and tell
them the truth.
The chefs are taking
advantage of Alan,
but only because he's weak.
Alan's in denial about what's
happening in his own kitchen.
- [Alan] Where's the boys?
- Oh, they've gone
outside for a cigarette.
- Oh, right.
What?
- I want you to understand
something really important.
You may not like what
I'm going to say.
But whatever it is I'm
here to help.
And you must never,
ever forget that.
But what I'm more
concerned about is the fact
that you're in denial.
- Okay.
- The minute and the quicker
you come out of denial
the quicker we can
work together.
- [Alan] Yeah, that's the
problem with the kitchen man.
- How much fucking
lobster is there?
Now, I feel for you.
- [Alan] I'm talking about--.
- Not just your fucking,
your wallet
but where the fuck you're going
to be in three months time
if fucking shit like
that's cooked every day.
- Well.
- But I cannot work with someone
that's in complete denial.
- If that's been the case then,
Gordon,
I don't know what to say, mate,
because I'm not in denial.
I'm just saying talk to
me about the problems,
show me the problems.
I didn't know today that
the problems existed
and I should have known.
I know I'm wrong, I
should have known,
but I didn't know because I
put trust into the departments
that I felt needed
trust putting into.
- Can we work together?
- Sure we can work together.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Oh, the kitchen sucks.
You know, all the
staff are crap.
You know what, what the
fuck am I doing here?
I might as well shut the door
and open a fucking bicycle shop.
(upbeat music)
- Last night told me everything.
Expensive food wasted,
leaderless chefs
and a restaurant owner acting
like everything's fine,
merrily ignoring the meltdown.
I've heard Alan's put
his house on the market.
How are you buddy?
- Hello Gordon.
- Are you well?
- How are you?
- Yeah, very well thank you,
how are you?
I mean, I knew things
were quite fucking bad
but I didn't realise.
Why do you have to sell it?
- Just to keep everything going.
- And where are you
going to live?
- I don't know yet.
- [Gordon] Do you
have to sell it?
- [Alan] Yeah, of course
I've got to sell it.
- Is it the pressure
from the bank to sell it
or is it just cash-flow
for the restaurant?
- It's just cash-flow for
the restaurant.
I've just borrowed as much as
I can against the mortgage.
The mortgage is 430 grand and,
you know,
the last six months I've
borrowed 140,000 pounds
to put into the restaurant.
- Fucking hell, Alan.
There's a lot riding on this.
We'll work it out together,
you know that,
there's just some real
tough decisions
that need to be fucking
made and you know that.
- [Alan] Yeah.
- [Gordon] And I can see it's
your fucking life and soul,
I can see how much it
means to you.
I totally get it, I read it.
If we can't save the business
Alan will lose his home.
- [Alan] You see the
daily take's.
- 17 pounds?
- It's a bit soul
destroying, you see, I mean,
I've got one day we took three
pound 25, that was a beer.
- Fucking hell, we're in the
middle of the fucking season,
we need to find a way of
doubling the turnover.
I'm not thinking fucking
Lobster Thermadore, I'm
thinking,
looking at these figures,
fucking fish and chips.
(upbeat music)
I've got a trick up my sleeve
to get Kemptown's bohemians
eating en masse at Ruby Tates.
Sustainable fish, pollock,
lemon sole, gernard
and done in a different
way where the customer
gets a choice.
Is it fried, is it grilled,
is it poached?
- Mind your feet gentlemen.
- Watch it.
- Freshly caught fish just
might inspire these chefs.
Farmed sea bass is out.
I need something cheap
and sustainable
for tonight's fish and chips.
Rumour has it you can't
buy fresh fish in Brighton.
What the fuck is this?
- [Alex] I agree I was wrong.
- Well, fuck me, a Frenchman
admitting that he's wrong.
Name me one good, solid
fish that can be a
perfect fish and chip.
- Use pollock.
- Look at that baby.
Absolutely amazing, and
they're in abundance,
they're sustainable,
environmentally friendly
in terms of we're not
running short of them.
- [Man] That's caught
by a local boat
landed this morning out
by the channel out here,
out in the wreck.
- Lovely.
- Pollock is cheap and
in plentiful supply,
so no more throwing profits
away on unsold lobster.
I've never seen them
before, fucking massive.
Keep it simple
it's our favourite, everybody
loves fish and chips.
- The smart chef's answer
to Alan's financial woes
is pile them high and
sell them cheap,
portion after portion of
fish and chips.
Fucking house for sale
this morning.
That upset me.
Don't ask me how fucking
upset this man got,
it was fucking disgusting.
It's not your fault but
you're part of it, okay.
I'm not blaming you individually
but you're working for this man
and if you're going to
fucking take the money
then do the work for it, okay?
- Yeah, okay.
- Jamie, same for you.
- Yes.
- Just show a little
bit of passion
to why the fuck you're a chef.
Do you understand?
Or I'll pay for your flight
to fuck off back to Australia.
'Cause there's no point
you being here.
- [Jamie] Yeah.
- [Gordon] You and I are
going to make fish and chips.
- Okay.
- Just slightly seasoned, yeah?
Into the flour, nice
coating of batter,
yeah and in.
The batter's given colour and
kick by some curry powder.
They were in yeah?
- Yeah.
- Fish comes out, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Nicely seasoned, nice
piece of pollock.
Where are the chips please?
A UK national treasure,
good old fashioned, yeah,
fish and chips.
Alan's so hooked on the new
dish he's forgotten his phobia.
- [Jamie] Oh, you're
eating fish,
first time you've eaten
fish for a while, good?
- I've eaten fish.
- Good?
- Yeah, maybe you will.
- And it's wonderful
'til I get a bone
then everybody hike quick.
Yeah, it's been 40 years
since I've eaten anything,
any fish at all, and
today I broke the fear.
- We should sell
nothing else tonight
except pollocks, because
it's so fresh.
- Pollock.
- Pollock, sorry.
- Not bollocks.
- Not bollocks (laughter),
pollocks.
- [Gordon] I'm gambling on the
nation's favourite tonight.
Only high volume sales and
reasonable prices can save Alan.
I've invited some Kemptown
locals to tuck in.
Do you want to go and
have a look outside
and see the check?
- I, I just did.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- And?
- And it looks like
it's going to be fun.
- Busy?
- Yeah.
- Busy?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, good.
- Two more fish of the day,
that's 11 fish of the
day in total.
- Love it man, a bit out of
your fucking comfort zone
here aren't you?
Really fucking good.
- [Gordon] We're full,
but these chefs
aren't used to hard work.
Can they cook consistently?
- Which I have to say I've
never heard of pollock but
so far, so good.
Very nice actually.
- [Man] The waitress
recommended it to me, so.
- When was the last time you
had a nice piece of pollock?
- I've never had pollock.
- [Gordon] Never, tonight
it's done in a crispy batter,
home-made chips.
- No we're not.
- Good.
- [Alan] Order's just
come through.
- The batter is very
thin and crisp
and it's absolutely lovely.
And the fish itself
it's such a fine texture
it melts in the mouth really.
- That's nearly 20 portions
in the last 15 minutes,
do you know that?
No fucking around.
- Thank you sir.
- Thank you.
- Six more now yes.
- Yep.
The restaurant is full up.
- Already?
- Yeah.
- For me the most
important thing
about tonight's fucking food
is it's local produce
from down there.
There's no fucking farmed
sea bass from Greece,
yeah, there's no lobsters from
fucking, you know, Canada.
This is local produce,
caught, straight off the boat,
into the batter and served.
How was your pollocks?
- Oh, delicious.
Very good, very good.
First time I've had
pollock and I enjoyed,
I shall have it again.
- How are yours dear?
- I can't believe you just
said that to me
about my bollocks.
I thought you were great
in 'The Queen' by the way.
- Fuck off.
- I beg your pardon?
- [Woman] That's how you
speak to your people.
- No, you feel like
we've won, I don't know,
like you feel you do something,
you're just proud of yourself.
That's it, just to do
something different,
you know, like that.
- This Tuesday's takings
are phenomenal.
Alan's made two grand when
he'd normally take 200 quid.
So if we can do two grand
on a fucking Tuesday
with 87 of our clients
still having fish and chips
and a glass of fucking
wine I'm sold.
By the time we get to
fucking Saturday
we should be sort of, you
know, eight, nine, 10 grand.
- But from where we've
gone to where we are is.
- Yeah, we've won nothing
and tomorrow morning your
house is going up for sale.
- [Alan] Yeah.
(sombre music)
- Alan's at last proved
he's got some guts.
But will he risk revamping
the psychedelic decor
of Ruby Tates which
the locals hate?
- Well, I hope they
haven't been worn,
that's all I can say.
- [Woman] Someone's been sick.
- [Gordon] I'm
running out of time,
the menu's changing and so
must the decor.
It's time for the
knickers to come off.
(loud music)
- I can't let him just
destroy it, I can't do that
and I won't do that, you know.
I've got, you know, I've got
to stand up and be a man.
It's not, if he turns round
and says all the paintings
have got to come off the
wall, change the colour,
change the tablecloths,
I hate the glasses.
Well, sorry mate, that's
my opinion, you know
and my opinion is really
relevant
'cause it's all my money.
- Let's have a quick walk
round the restaurant together
and give me the inspiration
behind this ghastly decor.
- [Alan] I don't agree with you.
- [Gordon] Explain the
colours then.
Is there any method in
your madness?
- The colours came from the
original painting that I got,
which I liked, over there.
- [Gordon] So you
bought the painting
and then designed the
restaurant on the back of it?
- [Alan] Yeah.
- [Gordon] It's like
something that
Jimmy Savile would keep
his fucking jewellery in.
- Well, if that's what
you think that's okay,
I don't, I disagree with you.
Do you want fish on the wall,
you know, I mean, do you know.
- I'd rather have a
fucking piece
of fucking fish on the wall
than a fucking crusty
pair of fucking knickers.
- No, no, see, that, see,
that insults me as well.
- [Gordon] What, because
there's a pair of knickers?
- No, use a pair of knickers,
don't use a crusty pair of
knickers, it's so out of order
because it's so detrimental
to the artist and also to me.
- Right, so you're taking
it personally?
- [Alan] No, that's it now,
that's it now.
- Yeah.
- Now, now you're just.
You've crossed the line again.
- You're being out of order.
- You crossed the line again.
- I tell you I don't like
the decor of the restaurant
you start getting upset.
- Go for it, go for it man.
Not happening, we're not
going any further with it,
it's bullshit.
Why do you feel the necessity
to insult me again?
- You're acting again,
where's the script?
Where's the script,
read the script.
- Is this a big defensive thing
that you've got?
- Read the script.
- Why don't you read
your own script?
I'm not taking this shit.
- Whinging, whinging.
- You're taking your shit.
- Your shit?
- I'm not taking this shit,
you got it?
- Hold on a minute, what
do you mean taking it?
I'm talking to you about that.
- [Alan] I don't care,
it's your opinion,
that ain't my fucking opinion.
- You bought it.
- It ain't my opinion.
You don't like it, tough shit,
I like it.
- [Gordon] It looks great,
it sounds great
and why are you working
yourself up like this?
- Good, because that's
what it's about.
- [Gordon] I hit a nerve.
- That's what it's about,
fuck you.
- [Gordon] Thank fuck for that,
it's finally come out.
Right, shall we get
back to the decor?
- Let's not.
Don't call me a liar Gordon,
you want to fucking
don't call me a liar man,
'cause you do that you're
out the fucking door
with the camera crew,
and I'm telling you that,
don't call me a liar.
- Kick me out of
the door then.
- 'Cause I don't fucking lie.
- Kick me out the fucking door.
Now he walks off.
Shall we talk about the decor?
Will you stop acting
like a baby then?
- No, you stopped act, you
stop acting like a Prima Donna
and then we, then we've
both got half a chance.
- There's no reasoning
with you is there?
- [Alan] There isn't
really is there?
- At times like this I
think you deserve to sink.
- Okay, Gordon,
very good of you mate.
- I'm sorry for
insulting your pants
that have been sprayed
18 times with paint.
They're not crusted, they're
just Dulux coated pants.
- [Alan] You know what,
I'm sorry mate I've had it.
I don't know why we're
discussing this any more,
you don't want your.
- It's not that bad.
- [Alan] You don't want
to do this any more,
I don't want to do
this any more,
so why don't we just
call it a day?
- [Gordon] You've told me to go.
- Yeah, let's go man.
You're just being Gordon Ramsay,
maybe
you can't do anything else.
- [Gordon] You've got
no right to say that.
- Sure I've got a right,
I've got every right
to say exactly the same
as you say to me.
- For a man that's that
far in the shit
you'd think you'd take
something on the chin.
Acting like a baby
gets him nowhere.
There's not much more
anyone can do.
The show's over, I'm
out of here.
Alan denies the truth
in front of his face.
He's going down with his
knickers flying half mast.
- You know what, he ain't
god, he's Gordon Ramsay,
a successful businessman.
Do you know what, it
ain't the fucking be all
and end all of life.
Screw him.
(upbeat music)
♪ Sneaking up behind ♪
- [Gordon] Alan's thrown
me out of Ruby Tates,
he lost it when I suggested
I change his naff 80s decor.
- Are you well?
- I'm well thank you.
- [Gordon] In a last ditch
attempt at reconciliation
I'm taking him to a successful
rival fish restaurant
to see how they do it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You can go back to Ruby Tates
and I can be in London
by six o'clock.
But I think you're missing
one fucking key point,
I'm not here to get personal.
- I don't give a fuck
about the piece of art,
I really don't give a fuck
about the piece of art.
It wasn't about that,
it was about the wording
and the put down.
- The crusty knickers.
But that's the way I am.
Yeah, I know.
But then, then you.
- And I'm not changing.
- You've got to
understand that as well.
- Okay, let's go back to what
we spoke about, the decor.
What's the first thing you
feel when you walk into here?
- [Alan] Personally, cold.
- Okay, you're cold, stone cold?
- Yeah.
- It takes 20 grand a week.
- [Alan] Yeah.
- It makes money,
it is modern.
- Yes.
- That's what's got to
happen next to Ruby Tates,
it's got to be brought
into the 21st century.
- I do agree, I agree.
I still have to have
my personality.
- Yeah, I'm staring at it.
- Okay.
- That's the biggest
decor personality,
you can't buy that shit.
So that's not decor, that's
you, that is fundamentally,
absolutely paramount.
Without you we're fucked.
Have you always been
this stubborn?
- [Alan] Yeah.
- On stage?
- Yeah.
- Don't change will you?
- [Alan] I will not, no way.
- Let's get the fuck
out of here.
- Yeah, thank you sir.
- Fuck me, ladies first.
Now we've buried the hatchet
I need to get back to
saving the business.
Alan's staff don't respect him,
he must show them who's boss.
(upbeat music)
I've called a staff meeting
on the rolling high seas,
there's a storm brewing
and Ruby Tates needs a lifeline.
(upbeat music)
(shouting)
Now we're in choppy waters,
just like Ruby Tates,
you know that.
- [Alan] Up and down.
- On the verge of
fucking sinking.
Alan can deny the
truth no longer,
his staff think he's
a walk-over.
They're going to review
his performance.
(upbeat music)
Right now I want all of
you to give me one
fucking good point and
one bad point on Alan.
Seriously think about, yeah.
One good point and
one bad point.
This isn't going to be pretty,
Alan's a terrible boss.
First one, not strict enough.
Doesn't command my respect.
Good point, too nice.
I'm not picking on you here.
- No, I know you're not
picking on me.
- I'm trying to fucking.
- Absolutely.
- Open your eyes up to
what the fuck
you are doing
running a business.
And what's coming out of this
is that you're just one big
fucking soft, happy go lucky,
sweetie pie that they
love taking from you.
Does anyone see you as a boss?
- No, obviously not.
- Who do we answer to, no-one.
No-one knows who to answer to.
There's no sort of real
leader, there's no boss
and we need a boss.
- [Gordon] Can Alan be
ruthless and sack bad staff?
In this exercise he'll
have to be assertive
and decide who stays
and who walks the plank.
Conviction time, Alex?
- And I want prove myself
and everybody we can do it,
and I think it's important
because I'm French and I'm
proud.
- Alan?
- But I do think I need
to be assertive
and I'm afraid you're just
gonna have to walk the plank.
- Allez.
- Thank you Alex.
- [Gordon] On the plank.
- It's just got to be
the highway kid.
- [Gordon] Hop it.
Does she walk the plank?
- Do you know what, I'm
gonna let Nancy stay here
'cause I think Nancy's
got the heart
and the experience, and
she works her arse off.
- Quite possibly the most
laid-back chef in Britain today.
On the fucking plank.
- [Jamie] Give me the
fucking job as head chef.
You need a leader in
there, I'm your leader.
- It's just 'cause
you're an arsehole.
Get off the boat.
- [Jamie] Fuck you.
- [Gordon] Any last request?
- [Jamie] Fuck you.
- Watch this space is
the, the bottom line.
I can be as assertive
as I need to be
I'm a tough guy, I'm a
tough guy, I have to be,
they call it a
Napoleonic complex.
When you're little people
take the piss out of you.
- It's fighting talk from Alan,
but he has to prove himself.
His two chefs have
definitely spoilt the broth.
Tonight I'm going to choose
just one of them to be leader.
Every kitchen needs a head
chef for discipline, control,
insight and fucking
pushing standards out.
Here they've got very
comfortable, very relaxed
and it's not busy so why bother?
A head chef needs to be a
natural leader
and cool under pressure.
Fucking hell.
Oh, come on guys, fuck me,
not tonight.
Jamie.
- Yes.
- Alex, if someone wants
the head chef's job here
they've got to work for it,
do you know what I mean,
they've got to really
bust their fucking balls,
come out of their shell
and prove to fucking me
that you are that hungry
for that head chef's job.
- Listen man, this table 24
has not even been called away.
- [Gordon] Already
Jamie's getting confused
about the orders.
- Sorry, my bad, my mistake,
my mistake
It has been called away.
You can flow the pastry down
here, he's fucking shafting me.
- Slacker Jamie's not
used to hard work
and a stack of orders.
Relax.
- Okay Gordon.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Get a grip and fucking
control it, okay?
- I'm trying to, I'm trying to.
- Good, or you fuck off
and I'll do it.
- Cool, cool, you fuck off,
I'll do it.
- Hey.
- I'm going to.
- No, but, listen.
- I know.
- You're more laid-back than
a fucking ironing board,
so, you know, if you're
gonna muscle in and do it,
shut the fuck up and do it.
- I'm trying.
- Hey, not hard
enough in my eyes.
Obviously very nervous, yeah.
Unknown territory for
them, 'cause they're used
to being busy one night
a week, Saturday night.
So, you know, it's Wednesday
and yeah we're busy
every night of the week,
get used to it
because that's what it's
like in the real world.
- Bones both with sauce,
just one of them on
the bones is with sauce
and then the other on the
bone is plain.
- [Jamie] Yeah, I know.
- [Gordon] As the
orders stack up
it's Alex who's under pressure.
Alex it's burning.
Fucking, oh, fuck me.
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
Oh, Alex, what are you doing?
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- [Gordon] You've fucked
two Dover Sole.
Oh, we're trying to create
a fucking reputation here
not destroy it, yeah?
- Happy birthday.
- [All] Yeah, happy birthday.
- And my melon's been
dropped on the floor.
- [Jamie] Alex, come here,
listen to me.
- [Gordon] Alex lost it tonight,
but Jamie kept his cool.
My choice for head chef
is a no-brainer.
- It was a tough night, though,
you know, a tough night.
It's always hard cooking,
cooking's a fucking
hard job anyway,
sometimes he loses the plot.
But at the same time I'm not
in a position to tell him off.
Just for some reason today
I just came out and
started fucking directing
the fucking traffic, you know.
- [Gordon] There's
still a big problem
with the restaurant decor.
I've got an idea.
- Okay.
- To put a different
colour in here.
I don't want to argue.
- I'm going with you because I.
- Good.
- I've thought it over
and I am going to let you
have your head
because you've said a lot
of very sensible things
about moving forward.
- Now the decor is in my
hands, Alan's relaxed a little.
♪ Oh I do like to be
beside the seaside ♪
- [Gordon] But will the
staff accept my choice
for their new head chef?
We need to establish a
leader in that kitchen.
Alex, it's not you.
- [Alex] I know that.
- [Gordon] Last night's
performance confirmed that.
Jamie, forget the travels,
commit to Alan, do you
understand that?
Yeah, I have to do it, I know
I can do it, I want to do it.
- One final role that's
missing, Alan's role.
Your role, you are the
luvvie, the perfect host.
There's a structure and god
help you if you fuck it up.
It's high noon,
Alan knows Ruby
Tates will change
but doesn't know about my
totally new colour scheme.
(wild west music)
How are you buddy.
- Hello.
- Come in, are you well?
- I'm well, how are you?
- [Gordon] Yeah, very
well indeed thank you.
Right, what's the matter?
- [Alan] I said my god.
- My god.
Right, first impressions?
- Austere.
- Austere?
- I just feel it's a bit,
a bit clinical really.
I suppose I think I'm a
little bit, well,
a bit insignificant now
because I don't feel what.
I feel we're going down
the kind of Harry
Ramsden style route.
- What I'm trying to do, Alan.
- Is to make a business.
- Is to make a business.
- [Alan] Yes, I know.
- And that's why I'm here.
Sure, I do, I do
understand that.
- [Gordon] And it is so
important to make it your own.
- Yeah.
- And this is about as close
to fucking Harry Ramsden
as I am to fucking being
head chef in McDonald's.
It brings me onto my next bone
of contention, Ruby Tates.
- Well, you've stripped
me of everything.
- Big, deep breath.
I don't fucking care if
you don't like it.
I don't fucking care,
but you're missing the
most tangible asset
of this fucking restaurant,
Love's.
Now, you can argue,
call me an arse,
do whatever you fucking
want, I don't care,
you're missing a trick.
- Love's.
Yeah, yeah, hot, hot.
- Big night tonight, Ruby
Tates has sunk without a trace
and, well it looks
beautiful in there.
Love's has been reborn.
Alan hates the decor, but
what about my new menu?
I'm talking about making
this restaurant
a pillar in the community.
On the board there,
yeah, we've got our fish
and for the first time
the customers
have got the fish whether it's
poached, grilled or fried.
- Right.
- So we're using
sustainable fish
and making a bit of a
statement with it as well.
Poached, grilled or fried,
the customer has the right.
To launch Love's
sustainable menu
I've invited some foodie
friends, Brighton royalty.
Zoe Ball and Norman Cooke.
- Good evening.
- You're having a laugh,
are, are you with Julien?
- Yeah.
- [Alan] Oh, hi, hi, oh,
come in.
- It's good to put the
wind up my new head chef
with a couple of VIPs.
Exciting thing about the fish,
yeah,
steamed, poached,
fried or grilled.
Fish done, you know,
however you wish,
so it's an alternative.
- I think in a traditional
fish restaurant Lemon Sole,
I reckon it's always a
good gauge as to
how good the fish is cooked.
Lemon Sole's beautiful.
- [Gordon] The kitchen's
already confused
and a lemon sole has
gone missing.
- [Alex] Yeah.
- 19.
- Wait wait.
Alright have a problem,
there's a fuck-up man.
All that is going together,
right?
- Alright, this one
will be like,
this one turns out like
three minutes away.
- [Jamie] All right, cool,
all that.
- [Gordon] The chefs can't
afford to screw up tonight.
- [Jamie] No, I'm
not sure who's,
if they're having lemon butter,
poached in lemon butter?
- [Gordon] This is, yeah,
this is really important,
do you remember the
ticket came first in?
- Yeah.
- Not 40 minutes later,
you've got to check
and read through
and if you're not too sure,
then you cross it off.
- Okay.
- [Gordon] Yeah, so is that
three sole or two sole?
- It's two sole both
off the bone.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- [Gordon] That sorted the mess
and Zoe's sole is ready to go.
It's a delicate silver
service operation.
- No, you didn't even blush
or anything, well done.
- Enjoy.
- That's really, really good.
- It's nice.
- Yeah, it's great.
- I'm eating pollock
which I've never
actually had before.
It's really nice, it's a bit.
It's a bit like black cod.
- [Gordon] Actor, Chris
Ellison, is a seafood fan.
- I've been here before so I
can see the transformation.
Well, I like it, I think
it's really good.
- You can't not love
the name Love can you?
So successful name I think.
- [Gordon] Tonight Alan's
made two and a half grand.
But is he satisfied?
- Everyone likes the name,
everybody likes the decor.
I'm ready to throw the towel in.
So it's good, it's good, yeah.
So, well done Gordon, if
you're in there anywhere,
see it's obviously working,
he's right,
I'm wrong and it doesn't
really matter as long as
we're gonna make a success,
that's all we need.
Kerching, till, money
in the till.
Thanks very much.
- Good night, a very good
night, customers are very happy,
kitchen on fire, did a
fucking good job tonight.
Alan, I just hope he seriously,
yeah,
picks this up and runs with
it and puts everything into it
because look at it, a
great area, great produce,
on the beach, what more
could you ask for?
Two months later and I'm feeling
peckish for some seafood.
(upbeat music)
I'm back in Brighton
to meet up with the right
honourable Alan Love.
I hope this guy is no
longer in denial,
he is a showbiz luvvie,
he's got a heart of gold,
but can he run a business?
I've heard they're
selling take-away,
so I'm going to order
some incognito.
- [Man] Good afternoon,
Love's fish restaurant,
how can I help?
- I'd like to order
a couple of portions of
fish and chips please,
the name is Jimmy.
Okay, two portions of
fish and chips take-away.
Can't wait to see this,
here we go.
Can I catch the unsuspecting
chefs napping again?
Right, I'll just go
and see where
Jimmy's fish and chips are?
- Gordon
- How are you, man?
- [Gordon] Hello how are you?
- Good man good.
- [Gordon] Yeah, good
to see you well.
Gentlemen, how are you doing?
- Busy, busy, busy.
- Yeah, good.
- Fish and chips, mad.
- Talking about fish and chips,
I fucking ordered them
20 minutes ago,
two portions for Jimmy.
Did the order come through?
- That'll do?
- Good, yes please.
- [Alan] I thought it was you.
- Did you ring up and say you
were Jimmy yeah, on the phone?
- [Gordon] Jimmy, I'm
looking for two portions
of fish and chips.
- I put the order
through five minutes ago.
- [Gordon] Alex's day off?
- He's gone, how long waiting?
- He's what?
- He's gone.
- [Gordon] How long has
he been gone?
- Two days after you left.
- Why?
- He couldn't change.
We had customers coming in
11.30, take-away fish and chips.
Fuck off, I'm not ready,
make them fucking wait
'til 12 o'clock, we're not open.
- You fired him?
- Between me and Alan,
Alan had the last say,
but I wanted him to go, so.
- [Gordon] Alan fired somebody?
- He's a hard bastard now.
- [Gordon] Alex is
back in France,
he claims he left
because he couldn't accept
the lower paid position.
Love's has been rammed
since its launch.
- How are you?
- How are you buddy?
Something's changed,
you look well.
- Well, it's been, success
is a wonderful thing,
it makes you feel so
much better.
- And the situation
with the house,
have you managed to
take it off the market?
- I haven't actually, I got an
offer on it which I accepted.
- [Gordon] Really?
- Only at the moment I
can't really afford it.
- [Gordon] He may not have
saved his home,
but Alan's tripled his turnover,
Love's takes 14 grand a week
with Alan its star attraction.
And you probably
recognise these don't you?
- Well, they used to have my
name on the back years ago.
- [Gordon] We can come down here
from time to time and reminisce.
- Yeah.
- Did you seriously used
to have your name
on the back of your chair?
That's incredible.
- I love you, that's.
- What sort of logo, Alan Love,
star.
So when you are thinking
of sliding back
to those old fucking
crony ways again, yeah,
get your chair out my son.
- [Alan] Role, when
you're ready Mr. Demille.
- [Gordon] That fucking
batter looks lovely.
And still, yeah,
nice and crispy.
Which for a take-away
is quite unique.
I have to say it's
fucking delicious, yeah?
It's good.
I was gonna go skint and
probably within six months
I would have been absolutely
flat broke, no house,
no money, no business,
that would have gone.
- Well, it's really
refreshing to hear
you're fighting for the
business now.
- It is a dream,
the dream is to take
the brand name further.
- Truthfully, in denial still
or running a business?
- Running a business,
absolutely.
- [Gordon] You're going
to keep it that way?
- You know that.
- [Gordon] Ladies and gentlemen,
- [Alan] Is there any
point to this.
- [Gordon] Thank you
for coming this evening.
Did you enjoy dinner?
- [All] Yes.
- Excellent.
Yeah, this man's happy
and he's got every reason
to be happy.
The restaurant's consistent,
it's using sustainable fish
and it's become a
phenomenal local eatery.
And for the first time ever
Alan Love is now
running his business,
his business is not running him.
So fucking good news,
I'm really happy.
(upbeat music)
Fucking hell, thank
fuck I can't sing.
(upbeat music)
There's no business like show
business, my fucking arse.
(upbeat music)
Oh, dear.
you don't fucking don't
call me a liar man,
'cause if you do that
you're out the fucking door
with the camera crew
and I'll tell you that.
- Kick me out the door.
- Don't call me a liar.
- [Gordon] Desperate
restaurateur
Alan Love's going bust.
- Just what I put my whole
life into and everything
I have ever earned my whole
life is in this place.
- Honestly, if I was
Alan I'd come here
and fucking fire all of us.
- [Gordon] Alan's lazy,
crazy chefs
are taking advantage of him.
- Gordon, you know
- I can't work another
shit day in here.
- The restaurant is sinking
but Alan's too soft to save it.
Now we're in choppy waters.
(laughter)
Alan's in denial about
the whole mess.
There's no reasoning
with you is there?
At times like this I
think you deserve to sink.
- He ain't god, he's
Gordon Ramsay,
a successful businessman.
Screw him.
(dramatic music)
- I've arrived early
to surprise a fancy oyster bar
in Brighton's bohemian
Kemptown District.
(upbeat music)
My challenge is
called Ruby Tates.
It's in a camp alternative area
where most people read
the Guardian.
They like eating out but
they do so with a conscience.
Morning sir.
But they're taking it
a bit too far
with their pretty boy eco-taxis.
Fucking hell.
Rumour has it that I
am a bit of a gay icon,
yeah, featured in the
top 10 last year
and yeah, bit of a worry,
every year we're going up.
This is a perfect area
to set up a restaurant.
It's got a really nice
social buzz about it.
They're not short of
money round here.
This is almost like
sort of Soho on the sea.
Oh, dear, oh, dear, can't
exactly jump the lights
in this fucking thing can you?
(upbeat music)
Former star of stage
and screen, Alan Love,
opened upmarket seafood
restaurant Ruby Tates a year
ago.
He thought he'd spotted
a gap in the market
for fancy dining.
- It's a different atmosphere,
a totally different atmosphere
to a normal restaurant.
People don't just come to eat,
they come for the
dining experience.
- [Gordon] Alan serves up
expensive seafood to Kemptown,
trouble is no-one wants it
and he's losing a grand
and a half a week.
- Yeah, I think fish is
the way forward,
the oysters and the
fish is something
that's going to be bigger in
in the very near future,
not the distant future.
- [Gordon] Undeterred by
his huge losses,
Alan thinks he's got it right
and spends his time dreaming
of his great starring roles.
- A lot of West End shows, Cats,
Godspell.
This is my stage here, you know,
this is where I get
up and perform.
One door open.
Yeah, I call it the
Alan Love Show
but it's kind of isn't
the Alan Love Show
it's just me, yeah.
If people laugh I don't care
whether they laugh with me
or at me, as long as they laugh.
(laughter)
- [Gordon] While Alan
dreams of his past,
he ignores the kitchen,
leaving it all to his two chefs.
First there's laid-back
Aussie traveller Jamie.
- There's no sort of
passion there,
there's no fucking motivation
to fucking come to work,
you know.
I'll be honest with you,
I'm just doing it for the
fucking, for the maller man.
- [Gordon] But there's also
volatile fiery Frenchman Alex
who can't control his temper.
- Thank you, you go out.
You go out please.
- I ask you to.
- Please you go out.
- You are.
- Please you go out.
- You don't.
- Thank you darling out,
you don't come back in kitchen.
I don't care what
people think of me.
You know, only people I care
is like my fucking parents
and my girlfriends, alright?
- Everything's great
apart from the fucking.
- [Gordon] But
everything isn't great.
Alan's about to go bust and
he's in denial about it.
- The genius of the people
in the world that are geniuses
they surround themselves
with genius, that's
their genius.
Andrew Lloyd Webber
is one example.
- I'm the nice guy
he's a (beep).
- And what I try and do
in the kitchen
is have the best that
I can afford to have.
- Honestly, if I was
Alan I'd come here
and fucking fire all of us.
But he doesn't, man, he's
paying us to fucking,
he knows we sit on our arse.
- [Gordon] They're not
expecting me at Ruby Tates
'til this evening.
- Right, I really want to
catch this restaurant napping,
I'm going to jump in there
now and join a table for lunch
and see what they serve
normal customers
without them knowing
that I'm coming.
For the first time I've secretly
asked a couple of foodies
to go under cover and
order for me.
I don't want the chefs making
a special effort on my behalf,
I want to eat what gets
served every day.
(upbeat music)
- It's not five star,
it's not even three star,
but in the end it's not shit.
- Three course menu, 25 quid.
- How are you?
- How are you?
- Good to see you mate,
I caught the early train.
- Oh, the early train?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- How are you, are you well?
- [Alan] Welcome to Ruby Tates.
- Is he already in then?
He's out there.
Yeah, you fucking got us.
- My dining
companions have ordered
a plat of fruits de mer
usually served cold.
That's the strangest plat
of fruits de mer
I've ever seen in my
entire life.
Where's the ice, it's
actually hot man.
- [Man] It's warm, yeah.
- That's a first.
Well, you'd think for 55 quid
they'd take the shit sack
out of the lobster wouldn't you?
Damn, I don't think it works,
though, gritty lobster.
- Bon appetite.
- How was your, how
was your oyster?
- Interesting, I don't
fancy those though.
- This expensive seafood
just goes stale as
no-one's buying it.
It smells.
- Oh, dear, it's not for me.
- And it looks like
someone's put a dog's dick
in the fucking oyster poison.
Jesus Christ, what
happened to him?
Holy fuck, is that normal?
- Like that, yes.
- I mean, that's just like a
little rubber elastic band,
it's like eating the
inside of a golf ball.
- [Alex] And what,
what does he say?
- He doesn't like them.
He says that's like a golf ball.
- And that?
- I think he said
it was bitter.
- Bitter?
- Yeah.
- [Alex] Alan can you
put that in bin please?
- [Gordon] Serving old, poorly
cooked seafood is dangerous.
Whoever's the head chef
shouldn't allow it.
- Seriously, mate, can you
get that fucking camera
out of my face please,
seriously,
just for 30 seconds here.
You can tell now
everything's shit
but we don't need Gordon
for tell us that
we know that from the
start it's shit.
- [Waiter] Lemon and cake
are very sauce.
- [Gordon] The menu is far
too expensive for the area
and as for the artwork.
- [Waiter] Would you
like the dessert menu?
- Was somebody sick
on the walls?
- No, the artwork is by
a local artist.
- There's a pair of
knickers on the wall there
on that painting.
- There is, yeah.
- But is that legit, that is
a pair of encrusted knickers?
- Yeah, it is.
And it's part of the
artwork as well.
- Yeah, why not?
Next up, sea bass served
on a bed of chorizo.
That's definitely farmed,
farmed sea bass from Greece
and 100 metres from the beach.
Almost like the chef's given up,
bored and fallen out of
love with fish really.
If it's not available
locally caught
then take it off the menu.
- Yeah.
Another satisfied customer.
- Meal disgusting, total
cost 175 quid.
- You all right sir?
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
How was your meal?
- Yeah, interesting
and different.
- [Jamie] Is he paying for this?
- It's obvious why people
aren't coming,
bad food at rip-off prices.
With turnover being so dire.
How long can it
continue to stay open?
Can you get through the summer?
- No, I mean, I've just
borrowed another 30 grand,
but that's the end of
it, I've got no more.
So if that goes it's over.
- Don't get upset, hey!
It's good to meet you.
Don't get upset, hey!
- Yeah.
- Get some fresh air.
I can see it in your face,
I can see how fucking
painful it is.
- Well, it's just you get
to the end of the finance
and when there's no more.
I didn't realise things were
that fragile, I'm sorry, yes?
- No, it's not fragile,
it's just, you know,
sometimes something hits a nerve
and unfortunately
this hits a nerve
because you know I try
not to look at it.
And I try not to think about it,
But you're still trying to
find the money to pay all that.
And I'm very proud of
what I've done
and it's probably not right
and maybe I'm full of crap,
but it's just what I've
put my whole life into
and everything I have
ever earned my whole life
is in this place.
- [Gordon] Distraught
Alan's right on the edge.
I'm going to confront
the head chef
who's responsible for this mess.
- [Alan] Gentlemen, Mr. Ramsay
would like to say hello.
This is Jamie.
- Jamie.
- [Jamie] Afternoon sir.
- How are you buddy,
are you well?
You're from where?
- Australia.
- Australia, this is who?
- Isaac.
- Isaac, how are you buddy?
- And Alex.
- Nice to meet you.
- Alex, enchante.
- Enchante.
- From France.
- From France, oui and.
- Chef.
- Chef?
- Not head chef, just a chef.
- Chef, part-time chef.
- [Gordon] So you must be
the head chef?
- No, I'm the same as Jamie.
We work together as a
team always together,
we have no head chef in
this kitchen.
- Right, so who takes
charge here,
I'm just trying to
figure out the.
- No-one.
- The set up of the kitchen.
- [Alan] What the menu
or the kitchen?
- [Gordon] Both, fuck me.
- No-one really look,
honestly man,
look, we just get, sort
of get the job done.
- We're in the shit my friend
and your attitude stinks.
Why are you here then?
- Just to get a bit of money
and travel on, I'm moving on.
I'm not here to be a hero.
- I'm not asking you
to be a hero,
I'm just asking you to
find some form of passion.
Let me talk to you about lunch.
The plat of fruits de
mer was fucking hideous.
How the fuck can I sit in
the restaurant,
beach a hundred metres
in front of me
and eat a farmed sea
bass from Greece
that should be in a
fucking Chinese restaurant
in the middle of Soho?
- [Alex] 'Cause it's hard
to get fish in Brighton.
- What?
- Yeah.
I know it's wrong, I
know it's wrong.
Like close to the sea
you're supposed to have
20 fish when I'm on the
fucking seafront.
- There's no fresh fish
in fucking Brighton?
- Where, what shop, where
we can buy that?
- [Gordon] What shop?
- [Alex] Like fish supplier?
- What about the fish market?
Alex, you're 32 years of age.
- [Alex] Yes.
- Yeah, you speak fucking
good English, yeah?
- Yeah.
- And your attitude stinks.
- Why she stinks, tell me?
- (foreign language)
- Don't judge me like that,
you know,
because it start to
pisses me off now.
- Have you given up?
Yeah, I told you, yeah,
- I given up all that
because I'm not interest
enough by what I do every day.
- [Gordon] So why don't you
fuck off back to France?
- Just about all the customers
go out and say it's great.
What can I tell you?
You know, in their defence,
you know, not my defence but.
- I can't believe my ears,
Alan denies there's anything
wrong with the food.
This guy's lost touch
with reality.
How long can you both continue
taking the piss out of him?
That guy burst into
tears in the bar.
I don't know if you've realised
how fragile he is right now?
- Yeah, we know.
- Yeah, I do.
- He looks like a guy
who's about to fuck off
on Brighton Pier and
jump off the end.
(upbeat music)
Sentimental old actor Alan
Love's posh seafood restaurant
is about to fold and he's
harbouring a dark secret.
- One would think that
if you opened
a seafood restaurant you'd
actually like to eat seafood.
- I have a bit of an
aversion to fish, yeah.
Just because I had a bone
in my throat to clear
and three days and I couldn't,
I had a real problem with it
and if I get a bone I get
physically sick.
- [Gordon] How old were you
when you got the bone
stuck in your throat?
- [Alan] Probably about five.
Five, how old are you now?
- 60.
- 60.
- It's been a while.
- It's absurd.
How can Alan judge his menu
if he doesn't even eat it?
But what else is wrong?
I want to know what the
locals think.
You look cool, trendy, dapper.
- Yeah, thanks very much.
- If I said to you the word
Ruby Tates what does it mean?
- Ruby?
- Tates.
- Sort of curry thing I suppose.
- Ruby Tates, what does it mean?
- Something to do with potatoes.
- [Gordon] Why
haven't you been in?
- The decor.
- Pretentious, no
substance perhaps.
- What do you think
of the decor?
- A bit 80s.
- Yeah.
Yeah, just looks a bit wacky.
- What do you look for in
a seafood restaurant here?
- Fish and chips.
- Alan's ponsy restaurant
offers very expensive,
badly cooked seafood, stupid
decor, meaningless name
and what the people of
Brighton want is good,
locally caught fish
cooked simply.
Farmed sea bass and a
hot plat of fruits de mer
will not get the punters
back into Ruby Tates,
that's for sure.
The slack chefs are
paid well to cook dross.
I need to investigate
what they're doing wrong.
Expensive lobster will only
attract niche customers
and they won't come back
if it's badly cooked.
M adam, what did you have?
- I had the poached lobster.
- The poached lobster.
- Which was tepid.
- A bit dire.
- Was it tough?
- Yes it's tough.
- Yeah, flavourless wasn't it,
you feel the same.
- [Gordon] I'm going to
get to the bottom of why
this lobster tastes so tough.
Jesus, how come
they're all cooked?
You don't cook these to order?
- No they cook them before.
They're just blanched in water
for like four minutes,
that's it.
- Really?
They look like
they've been cooked
for a lot longer than
four minutes.
There's so much money in here.
But why are they all cooked and
separated from their bodies?
- [Alex] Because if I
want to use them you see
I can pick up straight
away like that.
- Jesus, look,
another shit sack.
There's 200 pounds worth
of lobster here.
Pre-cooking is wasteful
and ruins the taste.
It's barmy.
When, when did these arrive?
- [Alex] This morning.
- But they're all open.
- They arrived this morning.
- I know, but you're not
serving them are you?
But they're dead,
they're all open.
- Some not inside.
- What, Alex, come on,
fuck me, I'm not blind.
- I know, I know you're
not blind Gordon.
- They're, they're open,
every one of them is open.
So are we using them tonight?
If we need some, yeah.
- But you'll kill somebody,
they're all open, they're dead.
You can't serve them Alex.
- Yeah, I know that.
- You're not that
fucking stupid?
- No, I'm not fucking
stupid about that,
I know a little bit about fish.
- [Gordon] So, are we going
to serve these tonight?
- No.
- Thank you.
Fucking hell, put
them in the bin.
Jesus Christ, fuck me!
Those mussels could
have been fatal.
I'm going to tackle Alan
about the kitchen disasters.
Bizarrely he acts like
there's no complaints.
- [Alan] There's no
sense in lying,
I'm telling you the truth,
in general people love it.
- I'm fucking amazed.
- [Alan] At what?
- I've been here for
the first day
I found fucking bought in
farmed sea bass, open
fucking mussels,
the most horrendous fucking
plat of fruits de mer
I've ever seen in my entire
life and now you're thinking
that it's unfair that
someone's complaining about it.
- No, I'm not
complaining for it,
I'm just, I'm telling you what.
- You're a very good actor.
- [Alan] No, no, no, I'm
telling you what I'm told.
No, I don't need to bullshit
and I'm not gonna lie.
- Yeah but you
bullshit yourself.
- Bullshit, no I'm not, no,
'cause I've been honest
with you from day one
and I would always be honest.
You're not gonna get lies here,
you're gonna get the
fucking truth.
If someone, if people
are complaining
I tell you people complain.
They don't complain.
What do you want off me?
- It's not about what I
want off you.
- Oh, I know, I know, but
I'm telling you.
- You amaze me, you're amazing.
- I'm telling you the truth.
- You're still acting.
No, you, no, you're
telling me I'm a liar.
Don't tell me I'm a
liar, don't do that man.
I'm not acting, I'm
telling you the truth.
- Did I, did I call you a liar?
- Yeah you called me an actor.
Acting is bullshit.
- What did I just say?
What did I just say?
- You said it, you
said people are.
- You amaze me.
So the mussels were
fucking closed were they?
- [Alan] Yeah, it's got
nothing to do with that,
I didn't see the mussels
so I'll take your word
yes they were closed.
- Now, listen.
- [Alan] I didn't know
that they were open.
- I ate one.
- Don't tell me I'm acting
and I'm lying, 'cause I ain't.
And I ain't man and it
ain't happening.
It ain't happening.
- You're doing a good show,
a really good job.
- Thanks, you're out of
order, you're out of order
telling me I'm doing a show,
I ain't doing a show,
I'm running.
- You are.
- I'm running, doing things.
- You don't have to point.
- No, bullshit.
- [Gordon] I said you amaze me.
All these things going on
in your kitchen
and you don't give a fuck.
You don't give a fuck.
- Of course I give a fuck
you silly arse.
- [Gordon] Sorry?
- Silly arse, you're
a silly arse,
why do you think I
don't give a fuck?
How dare you.
- You're scared.
- How dare you say I
don't give a fuck.
- You're scared.
- What am I scared of, what you?
- [Gordon] You are
scared, no, not me, hey!
- What?
- You're scared
about your chefs,
you're shit scared of them.
- Oh, am I, okay, fine, fine.
- You just called me
a silly arse.
- [Alan] Yeah, well, yeah.
- You haven't got the bollocks
to go in there and tell
them the truth.
The chefs are taking
advantage of Alan,
but only because he's weak.
Alan's in denial about what's
happening in his own kitchen.
- [Alan] Where's the boys?
- Oh, they've gone
outside for a cigarette.
- Oh, right.
What?
- I want you to understand
something really important.
You may not like what
I'm going to say.
But whatever it is I'm
here to help.
And you must never,
ever forget that.
But what I'm more
concerned about is the fact
that you're in denial.
- Okay.
- The minute and the quicker
you come out of denial
the quicker we can
work together.
- [Alan] Yeah, that's the
problem with the kitchen man.
- How much fucking
lobster is there?
Now, I feel for you.
- [Alan] I'm talking about--.
- Not just your fucking,
your wallet
but where the fuck you're going
to be in three months time
if fucking shit like
that's cooked every day.
- Well.
- But I cannot work with someone
that's in complete denial.
- If that's been the case then,
Gordon,
I don't know what to say, mate,
because I'm not in denial.
I'm just saying talk to
me about the problems,
show me the problems.
I didn't know today that
the problems existed
and I should have known.
I know I'm wrong, I
should have known,
but I didn't know because I
put trust into the departments
that I felt needed
trust putting into.
- Can we work together?
- Sure we can work together.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Oh, the kitchen sucks.
You know, all the
staff are crap.
You know what, what the
fuck am I doing here?
I might as well shut the door
and open a fucking bicycle shop.
(upbeat music)
- Last night told me everything.
Expensive food wasted,
leaderless chefs
and a restaurant owner acting
like everything's fine,
merrily ignoring the meltdown.
I've heard Alan's put
his house on the market.
How are you buddy?
- Hello Gordon.
- Are you well?
- How are you?
- Yeah, very well thank you,
how are you?
I mean, I knew things
were quite fucking bad
but I didn't realise.
Why do you have to sell it?
- Just to keep everything going.
- And where are you
going to live?
- I don't know yet.
- [Gordon] Do you
have to sell it?
- [Alan] Yeah, of course
I've got to sell it.
- Is it the pressure
from the bank to sell it
or is it just cash-flow
for the restaurant?
- It's just cash-flow for
the restaurant.
I've just borrowed as much as
I can against the mortgage.
The mortgage is 430 grand and,
you know,
the last six months I've
borrowed 140,000 pounds
to put into the restaurant.
- Fucking hell, Alan.
There's a lot riding on this.
We'll work it out together,
you know that,
there's just some real
tough decisions
that need to be fucking
made and you know that.
- [Alan] Yeah.
- [Gordon] And I can see it's
your fucking life and soul,
I can see how much it
means to you.
I totally get it, I read it.
If we can't save the business
Alan will lose his home.
- [Alan] You see the
daily take's.
- 17 pounds?
- It's a bit soul
destroying, you see, I mean,
I've got one day we took three
pound 25, that was a beer.
- Fucking hell, we're in the
middle of the fucking season,
we need to find a way of
doubling the turnover.
I'm not thinking fucking
Lobster Thermadore, I'm
thinking,
looking at these figures,
fucking fish and chips.
(upbeat music)
I've got a trick up my sleeve
to get Kemptown's bohemians
eating en masse at Ruby Tates.
Sustainable fish, pollock,
lemon sole, gernard
and done in a different
way where the customer
gets a choice.
Is it fried, is it grilled,
is it poached?
- Mind your feet gentlemen.
- Watch it.
- Freshly caught fish just
might inspire these chefs.
Farmed sea bass is out.
I need something cheap
and sustainable
for tonight's fish and chips.
Rumour has it you can't
buy fresh fish in Brighton.
What the fuck is this?
- [Alex] I agree I was wrong.
- Well, fuck me, a Frenchman
admitting that he's wrong.
Name me one good, solid
fish that can be a
perfect fish and chip.
- Use pollock.
- Look at that baby.
Absolutely amazing, and
they're in abundance,
they're sustainable,
environmentally friendly
in terms of we're not
running short of them.
- [Man] That's caught
by a local boat
landed this morning out
by the channel out here,
out in the wreck.
- Lovely.
- Pollock is cheap and
in plentiful supply,
so no more throwing profits
away on unsold lobster.
I've never seen them
before, fucking massive.
Keep it simple
it's our favourite, everybody
loves fish and chips.
- The smart chef's answer
to Alan's financial woes
is pile them high and
sell them cheap,
portion after portion of
fish and chips.
Fucking house for sale
this morning.
That upset me.
Don't ask me how fucking
upset this man got,
it was fucking disgusting.
It's not your fault but
you're part of it, okay.
I'm not blaming you individually
but you're working for this man
and if you're going to
fucking take the money
then do the work for it, okay?
- Yeah, okay.
- Jamie, same for you.
- Yes.
- Just show a little
bit of passion
to why the fuck you're a chef.
Do you understand?
Or I'll pay for your flight
to fuck off back to Australia.
'Cause there's no point
you being here.
- [Jamie] Yeah.
- [Gordon] You and I are
going to make fish and chips.
- Okay.
- Just slightly seasoned, yeah?
Into the flour, nice
coating of batter,
yeah and in.
The batter's given colour and
kick by some curry powder.
They were in yeah?
- Yeah.
- Fish comes out, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Nicely seasoned, nice
piece of pollock.
Where are the chips please?
A UK national treasure,
good old fashioned, yeah,
fish and chips.
Alan's so hooked on the new
dish he's forgotten his phobia.
- [Jamie] Oh, you're
eating fish,
first time you've eaten
fish for a while, good?
- I've eaten fish.
- Good?
- Yeah, maybe you will.
- And it's wonderful
'til I get a bone
then everybody hike quick.
Yeah, it's been 40 years
since I've eaten anything,
any fish at all, and
today I broke the fear.
- We should sell
nothing else tonight
except pollocks, because
it's so fresh.
- Pollock.
- Pollock, sorry.
- Not bollocks.
- Not bollocks (laughter),
pollocks.
- [Gordon] I'm gambling on the
nation's favourite tonight.
Only high volume sales and
reasonable prices can save Alan.
I've invited some Kemptown
locals to tuck in.
Do you want to go and
have a look outside
and see the check?
- I, I just did.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- And?
- And it looks like
it's going to be fun.
- Busy?
- Yeah.
- Busy?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, good.
- Two more fish of the day,
that's 11 fish of the
day in total.
- Love it man, a bit out of
your fucking comfort zone
here aren't you?
Really fucking good.
- [Gordon] We're full,
but these chefs
aren't used to hard work.
Can they cook consistently?
- Which I have to say I've
never heard of pollock but
so far, so good.
Very nice actually.
- [Man] The waitress
recommended it to me, so.
- When was the last time you
had a nice piece of pollock?
- I've never had pollock.
- [Gordon] Never, tonight
it's done in a crispy batter,
home-made chips.
- No we're not.
- Good.
- [Alan] Order's just
come through.
- The batter is very
thin and crisp
and it's absolutely lovely.
And the fish itself
it's such a fine texture
it melts in the mouth really.
- That's nearly 20 portions
in the last 15 minutes,
do you know that?
No fucking around.
- Thank you sir.
- Thank you.
- Six more now yes.
- Yep.
The restaurant is full up.
- Already?
- Yeah.
- For me the most
important thing
about tonight's fucking food
is it's local produce
from down there.
There's no fucking farmed
sea bass from Greece,
yeah, there's no lobsters from
fucking, you know, Canada.
This is local produce,
caught, straight off the boat,
into the batter and served.
How was your pollocks?
- Oh, delicious.
Very good, very good.
First time I've had
pollock and I enjoyed,
I shall have it again.
- How are yours dear?
- I can't believe you just
said that to me
about my bollocks.
I thought you were great
in 'The Queen' by the way.
- Fuck off.
- I beg your pardon?
- [Woman] That's how you
speak to your people.
- No, you feel like
we've won, I don't know,
like you feel you do something,
you're just proud of yourself.
That's it, just to do
something different,
you know, like that.
- This Tuesday's takings
are phenomenal.
Alan's made two grand when
he'd normally take 200 quid.
So if we can do two grand
on a fucking Tuesday
with 87 of our clients
still having fish and chips
and a glass of fucking
wine I'm sold.
By the time we get to
fucking Saturday
we should be sort of, you
know, eight, nine, 10 grand.
- But from where we've
gone to where we are is.
- Yeah, we've won nothing
and tomorrow morning your
house is going up for sale.
- [Alan] Yeah.
(sombre music)
- Alan's at last proved
he's got some guts.
But will he risk revamping
the psychedelic decor
of Ruby Tates which
the locals hate?
- Well, I hope they
haven't been worn,
that's all I can say.
- [Woman] Someone's been sick.
- [Gordon] I'm
running out of time,
the menu's changing and so
must the decor.
It's time for the
knickers to come off.
(loud music)
- I can't let him just
destroy it, I can't do that
and I won't do that, you know.
I've got, you know, I've got
to stand up and be a man.
It's not, if he turns round
and says all the paintings
have got to come off the
wall, change the colour,
change the tablecloths,
I hate the glasses.
Well, sorry mate, that's
my opinion, you know
and my opinion is really
relevant
'cause it's all my money.
- Let's have a quick walk
round the restaurant together
and give me the inspiration
behind this ghastly decor.
- [Alan] I don't agree with you.
- [Gordon] Explain the
colours then.
Is there any method in
your madness?
- The colours came from the
original painting that I got,
which I liked, over there.
- [Gordon] So you
bought the painting
and then designed the
restaurant on the back of it?
- [Alan] Yeah.
- [Gordon] It's like
something that
Jimmy Savile would keep
his fucking jewellery in.
- Well, if that's what
you think that's okay,
I don't, I disagree with you.
Do you want fish on the wall,
you know, I mean, do you know.
- I'd rather have a
fucking piece
of fucking fish on the wall
than a fucking crusty
pair of fucking knickers.
- No, no, see, that, see,
that insults me as well.
- [Gordon] What, because
there's a pair of knickers?
- No, use a pair of knickers,
don't use a crusty pair of
knickers, it's so out of order
because it's so detrimental
to the artist and also to me.
- Right, so you're taking
it personally?
- [Alan] No, that's it now,
that's it now.
- Yeah.
- Now, now you're just.
You've crossed the line again.
- You're being out of order.
- You crossed the line again.
- I tell you I don't like
the decor of the restaurant
you start getting upset.
- Go for it, go for it man.
Not happening, we're not
going any further with it,
it's bullshit.
Why do you feel the necessity
to insult me again?
- You're acting again,
where's the script?
Where's the script,
read the script.
- Is this a big defensive thing
that you've got?
- Read the script.
- Why don't you read
your own script?
I'm not taking this shit.
- Whinging, whinging.
- You're taking your shit.
- Your shit?
- I'm not taking this shit,
you got it?
- Hold on a minute, what
do you mean taking it?
I'm talking to you about that.
- [Alan] I don't care,
it's your opinion,
that ain't my fucking opinion.
- You bought it.
- It ain't my opinion.
You don't like it, tough shit,
I like it.
- [Gordon] It looks great,
it sounds great
and why are you working
yourself up like this?
- Good, because that's
what it's about.
- [Gordon] I hit a nerve.
- That's what it's about,
fuck you.
- [Gordon] Thank fuck for that,
it's finally come out.
Right, shall we get
back to the decor?
- Let's not.
Don't call me a liar Gordon,
you want to fucking
don't call me a liar man,
'cause you do that you're
out the fucking door
with the camera crew,
and I'm telling you that,
don't call me a liar.
- Kick me out of
the door then.
- 'Cause I don't fucking lie.
- Kick me out the fucking door.
Now he walks off.
Shall we talk about the decor?
Will you stop acting
like a baby then?
- No, you stopped act, you
stop acting like a Prima Donna
and then we, then we've
both got half a chance.
- There's no reasoning
with you is there?
- [Alan] There isn't
really is there?
- At times like this I
think you deserve to sink.
- Okay, Gordon,
very good of you mate.
- I'm sorry for
insulting your pants
that have been sprayed
18 times with paint.
They're not crusted, they're
just Dulux coated pants.
- [Alan] You know what,
I'm sorry mate I've had it.
I don't know why we're
discussing this any more,
you don't want your.
- It's not that bad.
- [Alan] You don't want
to do this any more,
I don't want to do
this any more,
so why don't we just
call it a day?
- [Gordon] You've told me to go.
- Yeah, let's go man.
You're just being Gordon Ramsay,
maybe
you can't do anything else.
- [Gordon] You've got
no right to say that.
- Sure I've got a right,
I've got every right
to say exactly the same
as you say to me.
- For a man that's that
far in the shit
you'd think you'd take
something on the chin.
Acting like a baby
gets him nowhere.
There's not much more
anyone can do.
The show's over, I'm
out of here.
Alan denies the truth
in front of his face.
He's going down with his
knickers flying half mast.
- You know what, he ain't
god, he's Gordon Ramsay,
a successful businessman.
Do you know what, it
ain't the fucking be all
and end all of life.
Screw him.
(upbeat music)
♪ Sneaking up behind ♪
- [Gordon] Alan's thrown
me out of Ruby Tates,
he lost it when I suggested
I change his naff 80s decor.
- Are you well?
- I'm well thank you.
- [Gordon] In a last ditch
attempt at reconciliation
I'm taking him to a successful
rival fish restaurant
to see how they do it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You can go back to Ruby Tates
and I can be in London
by six o'clock.
But I think you're missing
one fucking key point,
I'm not here to get personal.
- I don't give a fuck
about the piece of art,
I really don't give a fuck
about the piece of art.
It wasn't about that,
it was about the wording
and the put down.
- The crusty knickers.
But that's the way I am.
Yeah, I know.
But then, then you.
- And I'm not changing.
- You've got to
understand that as well.
- Okay, let's go back to what
we spoke about, the decor.
What's the first thing you
feel when you walk into here?
- [Alan] Personally, cold.
- Okay, you're cold, stone cold?
- Yeah.
- It takes 20 grand a week.
- [Alan] Yeah.
- It makes money,
it is modern.
- Yes.
- That's what's got to
happen next to Ruby Tates,
it's got to be brought
into the 21st century.
- I do agree, I agree.
I still have to have
my personality.
- Yeah, I'm staring at it.
- Okay.
- That's the biggest
decor personality,
you can't buy that shit.
So that's not decor, that's
you, that is fundamentally,
absolutely paramount.
Without you we're fucked.
Have you always been
this stubborn?
- [Alan] Yeah.
- On stage?
- Yeah.
- Don't change will you?
- [Alan] I will not, no way.
- Let's get the fuck
out of here.
- Yeah, thank you sir.
- Fuck me, ladies first.
Now we've buried the hatchet
I need to get back to
saving the business.
Alan's staff don't respect him,
he must show them who's boss.
(upbeat music)
I've called a staff meeting
on the rolling high seas,
there's a storm brewing
and Ruby Tates needs a lifeline.
(upbeat music)
(shouting)
Now we're in choppy waters,
just like Ruby Tates,
you know that.
- [Alan] Up and down.
- On the verge of
fucking sinking.
Alan can deny the
truth no longer,
his staff think he's
a walk-over.
They're going to review
his performance.
(upbeat music)
Right now I want all of
you to give me one
fucking good point and
one bad point on Alan.
Seriously think about, yeah.
One good point and
one bad point.
This isn't going to be pretty,
Alan's a terrible boss.
First one, not strict enough.
Doesn't command my respect.
Good point, too nice.
I'm not picking on you here.
- No, I know you're not
picking on me.
- I'm trying to fucking.
- Absolutely.
- Open your eyes up to
what the fuck
you are doing
running a business.
And what's coming out of this
is that you're just one big
fucking soft, happy go lucky,
sweetie pie that they
love taking from you.
Does anyone see you as a boss?
- No, obviously not.
- Who do we answer to, no-one.
No-one knows who to answer to.
There's no sort of real
leader, there's no boss
and we need a boss.
- [Gordon] Can Alan be
ruthless and sack bad staff?
In this exercise he'll
have to be assertive
and decide who stays
and who walks the plank.
Conviction time, Alex?
- And I want prove myself
and everybody we can do it,
and I think it's important
because I'm French and I'm
proud.
- Alan?
- But I do think I need
to be assertive
and I'm afraid you're just
gonna have to walk the plank.
- Allez.
- Thank you Alex.
- [Gordon] On the plank.
- It's just got to be
the highway kid.
- [Gordon] Hop it.
Does she walk the plank?
- Do you know what, I'm
gonna let Nancy stay here
'cause I think Nancy's
got the heart
and the experience, and
she works her arse off.
- Quite possibly the most
laid-back chef in Britain today.
On the fucking plank.
- [Jamie] Give me the
fucking job as head chef.
You need a leader in
there, I'm your leader.
- It's just 'cause
you're an arsehole.
Get off the boat.
- [Jamie] Fuck you.
- [Gordon] Any last request?
- [Jamie] Fuck you.
- Watch this space is
the, the bottom line.
I can be as assertive
as I need to be
I'm a tough guy, I'm a
tough guy, I have to be,
they call it a
Napoleonic complex.
When you're little people
take the piss out of you.
- It's fighting talk from Alan,
but he has to prove himself.
His two chefs have
definitely spoilt the broth.
Tonight I'm going to choose
just one of them to be leader.
Every kitchen needs a head
chef for discipline, control,
insight and fucking
pushing standards out.
Here they've got very
comfortable, very relaxed
and it's not busy so why bother?
A head chef needs to be a
natural leader
and cool under pressure.
Fucking hell.
Oh, come on guys, fuck me,
not tonight.
Jamie.
- Yes.
- Alex, if someone wants
the head chef's job here
they've got to work for it,
do you know what I mean,
they've got to really
bust their fucking balls,
come out of their shell
and prove to fucking me
that you are that hungry
for that head chef's job.
- Listen man, this table 24
has not even been called away.
- [Gordon] Already
Jamie's getting confused
about the orders.
- Sorry, my bad, my mistake,
my mistake
It has been called away.
You can flow the pastry down
here, he's fucking shafting me.
- Slacker Jamie's not
used to hard work
and a stack of orders.
Relax.
- Okay Gordon.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Get a grip and fucking
control it, okay?
- I'm trying to, I'm trying to.
- Good, or you fuck off
and I'll do it.
- Cool, cool, you fuck off,
I'll do it.
- Hey.
- I'm going to.
- No, but, listen.
- I know.
- You're more laid-back than
a fucking ironing board,
so, you know, if you're
gonna muscle in and do it,
shut the fuck up and do it.
- I'm trying.
- Hey, not hard
enough in my eyes.
Obviously very nervous, yeah.
Unknown territory for
them, 'cause they're used
to being busy one night
a week, Saturday night.
So, you know, it's Wednesday
and yeah we're busy
every night of the week,
get used to it
because that's what it's
like in the real world.
- Bones both with sauce,
just one of them on
the bones is with sauce
and then the other on the
bone is plain.
- [Jamie] Yeah, I know.
- [Gordon] As the
orders stack up
it's Alex who's under pressure.
Alex it's burning.
Fucking, oh, fuck me.
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
Oh, Alex, what are you doing?
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- [Gordon] You've fucked
two Dover Sole.
Oh, we're trying to create
a fucking reputation here
not destroy it, yeah?
- Happy birthday.
- [All] Yeah, happy birthday.
- And my melon's been
dropped on the floor.
- [Jamie] Alex, come here,
listen to me.
- [Gordon] Alex lost it tonight,
but Jamie kept his cool.
My choice for head chef
is a no-brainer.
- It was a tough night, though,
you know, a tough night.
It's always hard cooking,
cooking's a fucking
hard job anyway,
sometimes he loses the plot.
But at the same time I'm not
in a position to tell him off.
Just for some reason today
I just came out and
started fucking directing
the fucking traffic, you know.
- [Gordon] There's
still a big problem
with the restaurant decor.
I've got an idea.
- Okay.
- To put a different
colour in here.
I don't want to argue.
- I'm going with you because I.
- Good.
- I've thought it over
and I am going to let you
have your head
because you've said a lot
of very sensible things
about moving forward.
- Now the decor is in my
hands, Alan's relaxed a little.
♪ Oh I do like to be
beside the seaside ♪
- [Gordon] But will the
staff accept my choice
for their new head chef?
We need to establish a
leader in that kitchen.
Alex, it's not you.
- [Alex] I know that.
- [Gordon] Last night's
performance confirmed that.
Jamie, forget the travels,
commit to Alan, do you
understand that?
Yeah, I have to do it, I know
I can do it, I want to do it.
- One final role that's
missing, Alan's role.
Your role, you are the
luvvie, the perfect host.
There's a structure and god
help you if you fuck it up.
It's high noon,
Alan knows Ruby
Tates will change
but doesn't know about my
totally new colour scheme.
(wild west music)
How are you buddy.
- Hello.
- Come in, are you well?
- I'm well, how are you?
- [Gordon] Yeah, very
well indeed thank you.
Right, what's the matter?
- [Alan] I said my god.
- My god.
Right, first impressions?
- Austere.
- Austere?
- I just feel it's a bit,
a bit clinical really.
I suppose I think I'm a
little bit, well,
a bit insignificant now
because I don't feel what.
I feel we're going down
the kind of Harry
Ramsden style route.
- What I'm trying to do, Alan.
- Is to make a business.
- Is to make a business.
- [Alan] Yes, I know.
- And that's why I'm here.
Sure, I do, I do
understand that.
- [Gordon] And it is so
important to make it your own.
- Yeah.
- And this is about as close
to fucking Harry Ramsden
as I am to fucking being
head chef in McDonald's.
It brings me onto my next bone
of contention, Ruby Tates.
- Well, you've stripped
me of everything.
- Big, deep breath.
I don't fucking care if
you don't like it.
I don't fucking care,
but you're missing the
most tangible asset
of this fucking restaurant,
Love's.
Now, you can argue,
call me an arse,
do whatever you fucking
want, I don't care,
you're missing a trick.
- Love's.
Yeah, yeah, hot, hot.
- Big night tonight, Ruby
Tates has sunk without a trace
and, well it looks
beautiful in there.
Love's has been reborn.
Alan hates the decor, but
what about my new menu?
I'm talking about making
this restaurant
a pillar in the community.
On the board there,
yeah, we've got our fish
and for the first time
the customers
have got the fish whether it's
poached, grilled or fried.
- Right.
- So we're using
sustainable fish
and making a bit of a
statement with it as well.
Poached, grilled or fried,
the customer has the right.
To launch Love's
sustainable menu
I've invited some foodie
friends, Brighton royalty.
Zoe Ball and Norman Cooke.
- Good evening.
- You're having a laugh,
are, are you with Julien?
- Yeah.
- [Alan] Oh, hi, hi, oh,
come in.
- It's good to put the
wind up my new head chef
with a couple of VIPs.
Exciting thing about the fish,
yeah,
steamed, poached,
fried or grilled.
Fish done, you know,
however you wish,
so it's an alternative.
- I think in a traditional
fish restaurant Lemon Sole,
I reckon it's always a
good gauge as to
how good the fish is cooked.
Lemon Sole's beautiful.
- [Gordon] The kitchen's
already confused
and a lemon sole has
gone missing.
- [Alex] Yeah.
- 19.
- Wait wait.
Alright have a problem,
there's a fuck-up man.
All that is going together,
right?
- Alright, this one
will be like,
this one turns out like
three minutes away.
- [Jamie] All right, cool,
all that.
- [Gordon] The chefs can't
afford to screw up tonight.
- [Jamie] No, I'm
not sure who's,
if they're having lemon butter,
poached in lemon butter?
- [Gordon] This is, yeah,
this is really important,
do you remember the
ticket came first in?
- Yeah.
- Not 40 minutes later,
you've got to check
and read through
and if you're not too sure,
then you cross it off.
- Okay.
- [Gordon] Yeah, so is that
three sole or two sole?
- It's two sole both
off the bone.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- [Gordon] That sorted the mess
and Zoe's sole is ready to go.
It's a delicate silver
service operation.
- No, you didn't even blush
or anything, well done.
- Enjoy.
- That's really, really good.
- It's nice.
- Yeah, it's great.
- I'm eating pollock
which I've never
actually had before.
It's really nice, it's a bit.
It's a bit like black cod.
- [Gordon] Actor, Chris
Ellison, is a seafood fan.
- I've been here before so I
can see the transformation.
Well, I like it, I think
it's really good.
- You can't not love
the name Love can you?
So successful name I think.
- [Gordon] Tonight Alan's
made two and a half grand.
But is he satisfied?
- Everyone likes the name,
everybody likes the decor.
I'm ready to throw the towel in.
So it's good, it's good, yeah.
So, well done Gordon, if
you're in there anywhere,
see it's obviously working,
he's right,
I'm wrong and it doesn't
really matter as long as
we're gonna make a success,
that's all we need.
Kerching, till, money
in the till.
Thanks very much.
- Good night, a very good
night, customers are very happy,
kitchen on fire, did a
fucking good job tonight.
Alan, I just hope he seriously,
yeah,
picks this up and runs with
it and puts everything into it
because look at it, a
great area, great produce,
on the beach, what more
could you ask for?
Two months later and I'm feeling
peckish for some seafood.
(upbeat music)
I'm back in Brighton
to meet up with the right
honourable Alan Love.
I hope this guy is no
longer in denial,
he is a showbiz luvvie,
he's got a heart of gold,
but can he run a business?
I've heard they're
selling take-away,
so I'm going to order
some incognito.
- [Man] Good afternoon,
Love's fish restaurant,
how can I help?
- I'd like to order
a couple of portions of
fish and chips please,
the name is Jimmy.
Okay, two portions of
fish and chips take-away.
Can't wait to see this,
here we go.
Can I catch the unsuspecting
chefs napping again?
Right, I'll just go
and see where
Jimmy's fish and chips are?
- Gordon
- How are you, man?
- [Gordon] Hello how are you?
- Good man good.
- [Gordon] Yeah, good
to see you well.
Gentlemen, how are you doing?
- Busy, busy, busy.
- Yeah, good.
- Fish and chips, mad.
- Talking about fish and chips,
I fucking ordered them
20 minutes ago,
two portions for Jimmy.
Did the order come through?
- That'll do?
- Good, yes please.
- [Alan] I thought it was you.
- Did you ring up and say you
were Jimmy yeah, on the phone?
- [Gordon] Jimmy, I'm
looking for two portions
of fish and chips.
- I put the order
through five minutes ago.
- [Gordon] Alex's day off?
- He's gone, how long waiting?
- He's what?
- He's gone.
- [Gordon] How long has
he been gone?
- Two days after you left.
- Why?
- He couldn't change.
We had customers coming in
11.30, take-away fish and chips.
Fuck off, I'm not ready,
make them fucking wait
'til 12 o'clock, we're not open.
- You fired him?
- Between me and Alan,
Alan had the last say,
but I wanted him to go, so.
- [Gordon] Alan fired somebody?
- He's a hard bastard now.
- [Gordon] Alex is
back in France,
he claims he left
because he couldn't accept
the lower paid position.
Love's has been rammed
since its launch.
- How are you?
- How are you buddy?
Something's changed,
you look well.
- Well, it's been, success
is a wonderful thing,
it makes you feel so
much better.
- And the situation
with the house,
have you managed to
take it off the market?
- I haven't actually, I got an
offer on it which I accepted.
- [Gordon] Really?
- Only at the moment I
can't really afford it.
- [Gordon] He may not have
saved his home,
but Alan's tripled his turnover,
Love's takes 14 grand a week
with Alan its star attraction.
And you probably
recognise these don't you?
- Well, they used to have my
name on the back years ago.
- [Gordon] We can come down here
from time to time and reminisce.
- Yeah.
- Did you seriously used
to have your name
on the back of your chair?
That's incredible.
- I love you, that's.
- What sort of logo, Alan Love,
star.
So when you are thinking
of sliding back
to those old fucking
crony ways again, yeah,
get your chair out my son.
- [Alan] Role, when
you're ready Mr. Demille.
- [Gordon] That fucking
batter looks lovely.
And still, yeah,
nice and crispy.
Which for a take-away
is quite unique.
I have to say it's
fucking delicious, yeah?
It's good.
I was gonna go skint and
probably within six months
I would have been absolutely
flat broke, no house,
no money, no business,
that would have gone.
- Well, it's really
refreshing to hear
you're fighting for the
business now.
- It is a dream,
the dream is to take
the brand name further.
- Truthfully, in denial still
or running a business?
- Running a business,
absolutely.
- [Gordon] You're going
to keep it that way?
- You know that.
- [Gordon] Ladies and gentlemen,
- [Alan] Is there any
point to this.
- [Gordon] Thank you
for coming this evening.
Did you enjoy dinner?
- [All] Yes.
- Excellent.
Yeah, this man's happy
and he's got every reason
to be happy.
The restaurant's consistent,
it's using sustainable fish
and it's become a
phenomenal local eatery.
And for the first time ever
Alan Love is now
running his business,
his business is not running him.
So fucking good news,
I'm really happy.
(upbeat music)
Fucking hell, thank
fuck I can't sing.
(upbeat music)
There's no business like show
business, my fucking arse.
(upbeat music)
Oh, dear.