Kitchen Nightmares (2007–2014): Season 4, Episode 5 - Grasshopper Also - full transcript

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(jazzy instrumental music)

- [Gordon] This week,

I'm back in Inverness to see
what's become of La Riviera.

Oh, this is nice and new.

Two years ago, I told Head
Chef Loic to simplify his menu

and he'd get a Michelin Star.

So has he changed his ways?

- Sever!

- Fucking porridge oats
with fois gras?

I don't think so.

What an insult to porridge.



Now it's a straight hybrid
of Franco Scottish cooking.

New dishes on the menu?

Marinated calamari, potato
foam, salted peanut ice cream

and I'd love to see a
giblet club sandwich--

- Club sandwich, yeah!

(knives scraping)
(metal zinging)

(knife whooshing)

(knives slicing)

(upbeat rock music)

Scotland, home of the brave.

Home too, of haggis,
neaps and tatties

and a the deep fried Mars bar.

But in Inverness, there's
a restaurant on a mission

to bring sophisticated
French cooking



to my fellow countrymen.

- [Loic] Okay, you send
me two plates

out there right now please.
- Yes.

- [Gordon] It's the vision of
French head chef Loic Lefebvre

who's trained in some of
the best kitchens in France.

- I went to work for the
President in France, Mr. Chirac.

When we had like, Mr.
Bush is coming

or the Japanese
President is coming,

we used to do like,
big function.

Service, one sea bass, one
beef, table fourteen, go.

Then I moved to work with the
Pourcel brothers in Montpelier

and they are three
Michelin stars.

Service please!

- [Gordon] I can't wait
to meet a young chef

with such an
impressive pedigree.

Hello Loic.
- Nice to meet you.

- Enchante.

- Enchante.

- And this is the team?
- Yeah.

- [Gordon] To help
realise his dream,

Loic's hand picked an
impeccably trained brigade.

Sous chef Geoffrey has
worked in restaurants

with both one and two
Michelin stars.

Did you work with
Loic in France?

- No.
- No?

- I came basically to here

because it's a very
good opportunity to work

with somebody with 3
Michelin stars.

- [Gordon] Regis

also has a Michelin
star studded background.

- How long have you
been cooking?

- Eight years in France and in
different countries you know?

- [Gordon] And so does the
junior of the team, Nicolas.

And Nicolas, whereabouts
in France are you from?

- Brittany.
- Brittany?

- Nantes.

- Got a good football
team there, aye?

But now you support
Celtic or Rangers?

- FC Nantes.

- FC Nantes?

Hey you're in Inverness
for God's sake

you've got to support
a proper team.

And Gerard's not letting
the side down either.

His previous jobs were at
Michelin Star level as well.

- Gerard, do you have
a Scottish girlfriend?

- Yes, my French accent
is a good point.

(chuckling)

- [Gordon] Fourteen hundred
miles from the French Riviera,

Loic has created a mini French
stronghold in Inverness.

And no one Scottish
in the kitchen?

- No, no Scottish.
- No Scottish?

- There was some, but
not any more.

- [Gordon] Did you sack them?

- No, no, no, no.

The first time when I came
in the kitchen,

I switched off the microwave,
put it in the car park

and then after that I
was by myself.

- They got the message?

- Yeah because they were
using microwave all the time.

- Oh God.

- Powder for stock--
- Oh dear.

- And deep frying everything
even fondant potatoes!

So I had to get a new team,
which is good.

(water trickling)

- [Gordon] Loic's determined
that his dream team

is gonna get him his
very own Michelin star.

- Bit like Roman Abramovich

when he wanted to get
the premiership title,

he went round and got
the best manager,

the best football
players and then

brought them all
over to Chelsea.

- Yeah.
- Fantastic.

(speaking on foreign language)

- [Chef] Layout done.

I think if you can get a
Michelin star,

(plates clattering)
that should be great for us.

We are looking to achieve
like, one Michelin star

to start with, why not
two and you know?

This is new.

- [Gordon] Even the fridge
is top of the league.

Wow.
- It's a big,

walk in fridge.

- Fucking hell, look at
the size of it!

It's like a one bedroom flat.
- Yeah.

- [Gordon] And the
produce is the very best.

Flying vegetables in from
France is over the top,

even for me, but the local
shellfish is really top notch.

They are amazing.

- They are fresh from Skye.

- When they come down to London

they're definitely not that
fresh I can assure you.

That is incredible.

Fuck me, they've got the
best of everything here,

I mean really the best
of everything.

Someone must be paying
a small fucking fortune

to run this place.

And that someone, is
multi-millionaire Barry Larson,

hot from his six hundred
acre private shooting estate.

He made his fortune from
the catering business

but it wasn't exactly
fine dining.

- Morning Julie, how are you?

- [Gordon] This is the
man who brought

Kentucky Fried Chicken,
Wimpy and Harry Ramsden's

to Scotland and now he's
invested
nearly two million pounds

trying to prove he can
make fine dining

finger licking good.

It sounds amazing,

the sort of dream team
that you've put together.

- [Barry] Yeah.

- I'm slightly concerned about
the expense involved in that

because dream teams
don't come cheap.

- No, they don't.

- And you haven't got
any grey hair.

- I've got some.

- Well you're hiding
it very well.

(chuckling)

Unless you dye the
fucking thing.

- No, no, I don't dye it,
not yet.

But no, it's expensive you
know what the score is.

- [Gordon] Yeah, big time.

Have you owned hotels,
or restaurants before?

- No, no I haven't owned
hotels before.

We've had various restaurants,

fast food chains that
we've built up, sold out.

- [Gordon] Really?

- Family restaurants
that we still run,

but obviously at different,
completely different level.

- Running a fast food
restaurant is miles away

from anything to do
with fine dining.

- Yeah but you know,

you still want to produce
quality for the, for the spend.

- [Gordon] It sounds fantastic,

but this place is costing Barry

over eight thousand
pounds a week on food

and staff costs alone.

(gentle piano music)

And they seem to have forgotten

the three most important things
in the restaurant business,

customers, customers, customers.

Four days a week, the
restaurant's dead.

- [Loic] (speaking
foreign language)

And one cheese sandwich.

- [Gordon] And every
night it's empty

it's another big dent in Barry's
investment and Loic's ego.

- Sometimes we get zero.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- [Gordon] Must be hard
that, when it's zero, no?

- [Loic] Yeah.

- Especially with all
this team here.

- [Loic] It's a
nightmare for us.

- [Gordon] Does it hurt?

- Yeah a bit, yeah.

- You've got a team but
you want to play,

you're ready to go.
- Oh yeah, yeah.

- [Gordon] That's difficult.

- We are like dogs you know,

ready to go shooting,
(growling) we are ready.

- [Gordon] Loic's
hungry for success

but the locals aren't biting.

Can you do me a favour?

Can you read that out for me?

- Oh gosh I can't say that.

Boulanger of
Jerusalem artichoke.

- Do you know what that is?

One glance at his menu and I
think I've spotted the problem

before I've even
tasted the food.

- Not sure.

- Declanaise Asian of Salmon.

- Baragoolies of Salmon.
- That sounds good.

(chuckling)

- How's your goolies?

- Yeah.
- Baragoolies.

- That doesn't sound
very appetising.

- I think I'd probably
order that one.

(laughing)

- What do you think that means?

This food may appeal to
the connoisseurs

in the South of France--
- Haven't got the foggiest!

- But this is Scotland's
smallest city.

- Right yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Would you eat that?

- Would I eat it?
- Aye.

- You can't even read it so
you don't know what it is.

- Thanks very much.
- Thank you, nice to meet you.

Barry and Loic want
Michelin level success.

But I'm afraid they've
lost sight of the basics.

You are an impatient bastard.

- Yeah.
(laughing)

- (stuttering) You want it

and you want to get your
shopping trolley

and go along and get
that and get that

and I can see it in your eyes.

You've had a lot of
success beforehand,

bringing all these
things in together.

- [Barry] Yeah.

- It's not the perfect
recipe for an instant hit.

- Right.
- I'm just worried

that you don't fall into the
same fucking trap that I did

and I lost a lot of money.

(air whooshing)

(upbeat orchestral music)

It was a proud day for me
when I opened Amaryllis

in my home town of Glasgow.

We got off to a great start

and within our first year
we'd won a Michelin star.

But as our menu became
more elaborate

the diners started to dwindle.

The food was so fancy,
it put off the locals.

They stopped coming

and I was forced to close
Amaryllis down.

(sombre orchestral music)

It's a bit of a deja-vu for me

and I'm concerned that
you may be running--

- Right.

- Too quickly too soon,
you know, you're in danger.

- Going too far?

- [Gordon] That happened to me

after twelve years at the top.

There's no doubting
Loic's talent,

it's his lack of
experience that worries me.

- One scallop, table three.

- It's his first ever
head chefs job.

There's always a big,
big trap they fall in

where they try to do
too much too soon

and almost try to be sort
of competitive

and thinking that what they
saw in their previous kitchen,

which was in a three
Michelin star,

I've got to be better than that

and that's where a lot
of young chefs fail.

(knife zinging)
(air whooshing)

(knives scraping)

- Could you check table
ten for me please?

You put the lemon and
everything, yeah?

- It's my second day La Riviera.

A top restaurant with
no customers.

(traffic whooshing)

So if the locals
aren't eating here,

where are they eating?

Busy for lunch.

Fuck me, $5.95 for two
courses, starter and main.

Inverness is a fast growing city

and the restaurant market
is clearly thriving.

$7.95 is fucking cheap isn't it?

Now, the early supper
menu, two courses $9.95.

I've asked Loic to serve me
dinner from his a La Carte menu

which costs thirty four
pounds for two courses.

With that team in there and
the produce in the fridge,

it's to die for, so it
should be a great dinner.

I'm looking forward to this one.

- One scallop to follow
one duck, the breast pink.

(meat sizzling)
- [Cook] Yes, chef.

- All right, let's go.

- This is your canapés,

you have an olive medallion
and a cheese beignets.

- [Gordon] Canapes and
a pre starter?

This is ambitious food for
London, let alone Inverness.

Potato soup, with wasabi.

Very creamy, very, very rich.

I'm excited about the food

but I don't feel
comfortable sat here.

- You are like a painter,
you need a good eye,

you know like, the painter
would put something

like black here and not here

because for him, it
doesn't look right.

Okay let's go, one scallops,
table nine.

(silverware clinking)
- Very complicated,

a lot of combinations
of flavours going on.

For me, the golden rule
is always keep it simple.

You're tasting the broad bean

and white asparagus and
the citrus vinaigrette.

The confit tomatoes, fennel
seeds, fennel flowers,

chervil, salad, Parmesan,
there must be twenty things

going on on this plate.

And then you know, that
looks fantastic, but,

(asparagus crunching)

it doesn't do anything really.

Next up, duck en deux service.

- [Loic] This is a duck leg,

I decided to make it ravioli
on the plate, table nine.

- A good ten to twelve
flavours on the plate, again.

it's just confusion
and your mind

is sort of working overtime

to try and understand
what's happening.

- [Loic] Okay service please.

- A main course served
in two parts?

That's just pretentious.

Almost like someone is
uncontrollable

and almost like a little
bit carried away

and over excited and nothing's
saying to stop come back.

Oh la, la is that all for me?

- Yes--

- [Gordon] Loic seems
desperate to impress.

Next he'll be telling me
how to eat it.

- If I may, to recommend
you the order?

You have the tiramisu
first please,

then the floating island--
- Yup.

- [Server] And you have the
soufflé then the sorbet.

And finally the coffee
torte with marmalade.

- What a load of bollocks.

Next I'll be told which
direction to pee in

because of the fucking
salmon in the river.

Technically, flavours
were amazing.

The scallops were delicious.

The light vinaigrette
didn't need the Parmesan,

didn't need the flowers

and do you need that many
flavours to make it work?

- I won't change anything
on the flavours.

I think the way we work,

the product, bring the guests,
the flavours that I want.

- Your personality has to
be comfortable on the plate

and I see a lot of
uneasiness on the plate.

I don't know if you're confident
enough in what you're doing

and I've got to be very honest

because this is very crucial
but this, this has to work.

Barry, what do you think?

- When you think about
it, he's probably right

that he has to just find
his own style.

- [Gordon] Barry's acting

more like a besotted sugar
daddy than Loic's boss.

- You take on somebody like that

and you're taking them on

because of their capabilities
and their ambition

and you know, the last
thing I want to try and do

is restrain that ambition
and what he's doing.

I'm not, you know,
I'm not the chef

and I couldn't do what he does.

I'm not really in a
position to criticise.

- One sea bass, one bream.

- [Gordon] But I am.

This place isn't even
breaking even

and yet Barry's forking out
four and a half grand a week

just on staff.
- Allez, service!

- It's no way to run
a successful business.

Barry's in love with you?

- No I do not think--

- No, no he's in love
with your food?

- Yeah I think he like it, yeah.

- He's never gonna
be your critic

and what I've got to
understand is,

where is your critic
coming from?

Who is telling you to
stop, that's it, send it?

- When I think it's alright,
I don't touch it anymore.

- [Gordon] No wonder
his food's over the top.

(dishes clattering)
(sombre orchestral music)

Now I want to see how he
runs his kitchen.

Scalpel.

- Salad, salad!

- [Gordon] Tweezers.

Forceps.

As every plate journeyed
around the kitchen,

each of his seven chefs
adds another flourish.

And all this unnecessary fussing
is wasting time and money.

- [Loic] Hurry up now.

Here, all done.

- There's so many hands
going on 'round the kitchen,

the plate, is that normal
for it to go round?

Can they not finish anything?

- They need my sauce, it's
the same for the lobster,

they need my sauce.

Okay, can you put the plate

under the grill and
I sauce okay?

- [Chef] Service please,
service!

- Oh what is missing?

No, no it's okay, it's okay,
sorry.

- Oh fucking hell it
feels like we're doing 250

and all we've cooked in the
last two and half hours is ten.

- [Loic] Service please.

- I felt that I wanted to
just say stop,

what you've got in the beginning
was just enough for me.

- [Loic] You prefer
something more simple?

- Simple because the ingredients
you've got are phenomenal.

He needs to let his food
speak for itself.

His approach feels
outdated and pretentious.

Is it easier if we
maybe cook a dish

and I cook the scallops
and look at the difference

and go through it
together that way?

Right, now what should we do?

(jazzy instrumental music)

Scallops?

- Now, now?

- [Gordon] Whatever.

- I've got a few
things to do first.

- [Gordon] Okay.

- For the guests tonight,
then I'll be with you.

- Okay.

If the restaurant was full,

I could understand
his arrogance.

But it's haemorrhaging cash
and no one seems to care.

It's almost like the
barricades are up

and you know, nothing's
going to get through

because all I want to
do is do a dish together

and took at the different
stages we're taking out

to make it more appealing,

but it doesn't seem to
sort of sink in.

I don't want to be part of
the team, just let me in.

Being a hard ass is you know,
nice

but when you're in this
situation with over complex food

and no direction, I'd fucking
grab that kind of insight

if I was in his shoes.

- The owner trusts me
completely, I can do what I
want,

whatever I want, so that
was the deal between us.

Carte blanche on whatever I do.

(sighing)

- Loic's behaving like
a spoiled brat.

So as a last resort, I'll
try his brigade.

Is there something you
can you know,

work closely with Loic, yeah?

- Of course, of course.
- Yeah?

You cannot make the
food too complex.

You can help us as well,
I'm sure.

- I want to help, definitely.

Let me fucking in, yes?

First, I've got to tackle
the language barrier.

- I have to get you
speaking fluent Scottish,

dirty wee bastard.

- Dirty wee bastard.
- No, too foreign.

- Dirty wee bastard.

(chuckling)

- It's getting there,
dirty wee bastard.

- Sorry?
- He's fluent in Scottish now.

- Oh right.

- It's for when someone
upsets him in the high street.

- Dirty wee bastard,
oh piss off.

- Oh piss off.

Peace off, no, piss off.

- Piss off out of my way.

- Oh fucking hell.
- Oh fucking hell, eh?

(laughing)
Fucking hell, yeah?

(playful orchestral music)

- [Gordon] It's
already my third day

but nothing's sinking in.

Surely Loic can't
ignore the evidence

if it's staring him in the face.

This isn't a meal for six,

all this is dinner for
one at La Riviera.

Looks like a fucking feast
for a king, Henry the eighth.

It's quite interesting
when you start from one end

and go all the way right
to the very end,

it helps you to identify

where you can just draw
back a little bit

and look at the whole balance
of exactly what you're doing.

- People have to understand
they are here to enjoy it.

So, they have to spend a
bit more time on the table,

like just say, okay we've
got two hour and a half--

- [Gordon] Yeah.

- To enjoy it.

- I couldn't eat all that.

I'd have to stop halfway I
think, I'd stop halfway, yes?

- I don't know,

if I was not able to eat
all this, I wouldn't do it.

- [Gordon] What Loic can't get

into his stubborn French brain

is that refusing to trust
his ingredients

isn't just putting off
his customers,

it's also a turn off
for Michelin inspectors.

Maybe I can convince Barry,
it is his money after all.

Recommend me a whiskey.

I'll try to explain in terms

that any hot blooded
Scotsman will understand.

And one for Barry, please.
- Yes of course.

- Because obviously
Barry's paying so--

Could I have a touch
of ice in there please?

Yeah, thank you.

Could I have a touch of
soda in there please?

- No because you're
going to spoil

the complicated, the drinks.

- Are you suggesting
or telling me?

- I'm doing both.

No way soda on the malt
whiskies, there's no way, no!

- Let me just say something.

You're absolutely right,

you don't fuck with
things that are good

and the first thing I said
to Loic about the food.

When you've got
quality ingredients,

let them speak for themselves.

And when you've got
something as good as that,

you know, it speaks volumes,
doesn't need anything else.

No fucking parsley, no
chervil, no bay leaf,

no fucking fruit garden,
nothing, just bam, get it out.

Do you understand?
- Yeah I do.

- [Gordon] Barry seems
to be getting it

and I've got an idea that
just might convince his chef.

The St Jacques dish, I
want you to cook that

and I will cook a St
Jacques dish alongside you.

- There's a lot of ways
to do it, I mean like--

- Yeah, no, no, of course,

it's just that I'm 38, I'm
ten years older than you

and so it's not because I'm
fucking ten times better

you know, I just want to make
you understand how I think.

- Yeah, okay.
- Thank you mon amie.

What Loic doesn't know is,

that I've invited
ex-AA Inspector,

David Young, to judge
the dishes for himself.

And what he won't know, is
whose is whose.

My St Jacques dish has just
four simple ingredients.

As well as the scallops,

it has a cauliflower puree and
a caper and raisin dressing.

(jazzy instrumental music)

- How long for you?
- 30 seconds.

Loic's dish has at least
14 different flavours.

- So you've got the new
season asparagus,

white asparagus, with
the roasted scallops.

You've got fennel,
artichoke and anise jus

and I mix it with the
fennel milk, okay?

You've got the Parmesan crisps
and you've got the brume.

- Thank you darling.

It's time to let Loic
into my little secret.

I've arranged for the
inspector, the AA guy,

to come and taste our food.

Thank you, go darling please.

- [Loic] So you're going to
make it like a competition?

- Go darling (speaking
foreign language).

Food inspectors are
feared and revered

by chefs all over the country.

If they judge your food worthy

of Michelin stars or
AA rosettes,

the reward is a place
on the gastronomic map.

And ideally, customers
beating a path to your door.

Will he prefer Loic's
elaborate plateful

or my simpler rendition?

- This particular one has
much more of a visual impact.

I get the feeling that
the dish is going to taste

of exactly what was
described to me.

Whereas this one looks looks
a little bit over-garnished.

Yeah there's a bit of a muddle

of different types of flavours.

- Inspectors like David,

can make or break a
restaurant's reputation.

Introduce you to Loic.

- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.

- [Gordon] If Loic is gonna
gain a coveted Michelin star,

his food really needs to
be worthy of four rosettes.

How difficult is it David,
to get four AA rosettes?

- Well it's very difficult

because to put it into
context, as at this moment

there are only two AA four
rosette restaurants in Scotland.

- In the whole of Scotland?
- In the whole of Scotland.

- Is it a four star
dish, what you've eaten?

- This one, Gordon?
- Yes.

- No, no, this particular dish
would be somewhere between

two and three rosettes.

Whereas this dish would
be probably four rosettes.

The combination of the
cauliflower and caper puree

just absolutely lifted the dish
into a different dimension.

Whereas this one, some of the
flavours were over complicated

to be frank about it.

And it may be just a
case of sometimes,

less is actually more.

(sombre orchestral music)

- [Gordon] Loic has taken
the news badly.

He thinks I've stitched him up.

(speaking in foreign language)

Anglo French relations
have hit an all time low.

But time is running out
at La Riviera.

(air whooshing)
(jazzy instrumental music)

It's got to work, hasn't it?

It's your first head chefs job?

You can't afford to fuck that.

Will I ever make princes
out of this colony of frogs?

Smile, fucking hell,

it doesn't cost
anything in Scotland.

(air whooshing)
(knife zinging)

(knives slashing)

I'm getting towards the end
of my week at La Riviera.

And I don't know if Loic
is still speaking to me.

Last night he reacted badly,

when an AA Inspector confirmed
that his food was over fussy.

What's the first thing you
thought about this morning

after yesterday with
the inspector?

What was one message
you, you learned from it?

- Now, I have your advice,

I have his advice as well,
so one,

you can say maybe is wrong.

Two, it's tough to think
that maybe I am wrong, so--

- It's a difficult
thing to accept.

(dishes clattering)

The French frank has
finally dropped.

(jazzy instrumental music)

It's been hard for Loic,

but he's already changing
his game plan.

He's come up with a new,

much simpler idea for
the scallop dish.

It looks fucking brilliant.

And what I can identify
now, I know there's apple,

'cause you kept the
green on there.

I know there's Roquette, I
know there's pumpkin seed

and it makes me feel comfortable

because I know what I'm
about to eat.

- Yeah.

- I can identify what
you're doing.

That, that's delicious.

Everything that goes
on the plate

has to have a reason,
not for this,

but for here, yeah
for the palate.

And what you've just
done there Loic,

is given your food
clear insight.

- Okay, I understand.

- [Gordon] It's not three,
four, five rosettes for me that,

I'd be happy eating that
anywhere, you know that.

Where's that fucking inspector?

Fucking hell, hallelujah, I've
just taken fucking France.

(bowls clattering)

Now Loic has finally
swallowed his pride,

we can begin to move forward.

With his team behind him,

maybe he has a chance of
achieving his ultimate goal.

You told me that you
wanted a Michelin star

and at first I didn't
think that was possible,

you know that, because of how
things got so complicated.

But with this here, there's
no two ways about it,

it's definitely worth a star.

I respect Loic for
taking it on board

because it's a fucking hard
lesson, a very hard lesson

but you know, it's got to work,
hasn't it?

It's your first head chef job.
- Yeah.

- You can't afford to fuck that.

It's crucial, you've
got the right training.

Now you've got the
perfect position to do it.

But winning over the kitchen
is only half the battle.

Carolyn is the maitre d' and
she's also Loic's girlfriend.

She's responsible for
writing the elaborate menus

and I've already discovered

that locals haven't got
a clue what they mean.

It's time to turn the tables.

Read that for me.

- Currant Skink peppered
with mustard tatties, nice.

Dirty wee bastard.

(chuckling)

- [Gordon] To prove a point,

I've given them a menu of
classic Scottish dishes.

What do you think it is,
something sexy?

Something spicy, tatties?

- Tatties?

(blowing raspberries)

- [Gordon] Loic, what do
you think that one is there?

This one here.

- Bridies Forfar and winter
Aberdeen salad of grilles.

No idea, at all.

- What's a Queen Mary Tart?
- A Queen Mary Tart.

- Queen Mary Tart yeah?

- And?

- Whipped--
- And a crumble crunch!

- Do you have any idea
what I'm trying to say?

- It's impossible to choose
anything you don't understand.

- Exactly, that's exactly it.

- It's difficult for me
to make a choice

when you have this one
because it's--

- Yes, that's--

It's difficult for fucking
Scotland to understand you guys,

that's what I am trying to say.

- Yeah, it's the same.

- It's less intimidating if you
have an assortment of salmon

you know, a selection
of mandarin,

do you understand what
I'm trying to say?

At last, I'm getting somewhere.

Just look at what you're
taking to the table.

And fucking hell, you know,
it's like you're a librarian.

You should see what it's
like when the tables are set

and six of them are
looking in here.

You've lost everybody.
- Yeah.

- There's no dinner anymore,

because everyone's
behind a brick wall.

You can simplify the
whole thing.

Just one, beautiful, open
card, starters, mains,

so everything going down
there it's simplified it.

And it's not just the menus
that need lightening up.

Smile mon amie, smile.

He's far better looking
when he's smiling.

Smile!

Fucking hell, it doesn't
cost anything in Scotland!

I'll be damned.
(chuckling)

- Well tried though.

- Well tried yeah, oh fucking
hell, throw him in the river.

We're supposed to be
in a restaurant

not a Sunday School
Church Service.

(gentle organ music)
Where's my bible?

Barry's grasped the nettle

and has radical plans to
transform the dining room.

- [Barry] We're gonna
take this column away.

- [Gordon] Yup.

- We're gonna take the
raised area away

at the back on that
side so we can--

- [Gordon] At a cost of
thirty five thousand pounds.

- The arches over the doors
we're gonna square off

and then it's all panelled
all the way around.

Some nice artwork.

- It doesn't look that bad,
does it?

- It doesn't look, I don't
think it looks particularly--

- Yeah it's not glamorous
but it's not--

- Glamorous but it's--

- It's not shitty is it?
- No, but it's just not,

I just think it
doesn't look right.

- [Gordon] But I've got
a low cost idea

which I think will give La
Riviera a unique selling point.

- Regis, I said less salad.

- I'd like you to start
thinking about

having a table in the kitchen

where you have locals
who come and sit and eat.

It starts to break up the
sort of wall that you know,

that sometimes you have

when you come to a strange,
new country.

As I've discovered, having
a chef table in the kitchen

is a great way to bring
customers into your world.

And keeping the chefs
on their toes.

And this would be the first

restaurant in
Scotland to have one.

- I think this would be
the best place.

- Yeah, down there.

- Definitely yeah, just in
corner, and they will see--

- Everything.
- Everything.

- And it can help create
something exciting in Inverness.

Can you imagine the buzz
going round town?

A chef's table could
be a way of showing off

and establishing your
reputation here and be first.

- It's an exciting idea.
- Yeah it is.

- Yeah, yeah?
- I mean for once,

we're gonna see how does
people react--

- To your food, yeah.

- If it's not good, I mean
like, just to throw it.

- (chuckling) Hopefully
they won't do that.

- But it all costs money

and although the chef's
table is a great investment,

until they've got
customers coming in

they need to make
economies elsewhere.

(drawers clacking)

Crab, fois gras and hand
dived scallops

which are King scallops.

So, I mean the Rolls Royce
of ingredients,

I mean everything's here,
fucking hell.

(meat clomping)
(plastic crunching)

Loic needs to needs to do
what I did when I started out.

Learn to use good, cheap cuts

to put together an
inspiring menu.

Do you ever use a shin, Loic?

- No.
- No?

- No.
- Ox tongue?

Making something exquisite
from a shin of beef

or an ox tongue takes a
lot of skill.

Like the size of my feet!

And it's a great way to
identify talent.

Right, ox tail?

You, you and you, Regis,
a little competition.

I want you to cook a dish,

come up with something
really exciting

and then Loic and myself
will look at it

and the most tastiest,
delicious dish,

we'll put on the lunch menu.

But for me the most
important thing about this,

it's always a sign of
a very, very good cook,

to turn something that's very,
very cheap,

into something quite special.

So, Regis, take it to
bed and think about it.

(chuckling)

(gentle instrumental music)

Next morning, I'm pleased
to see the young chefs

have taken their ox tail
challenge seriously.

- Mustard?
- Yes?

- And--
- All three, yeah.

- Until it's very, you know?
- Yeah, nice and long.

- Very warm.
- Yeah.

(scallops sizzling)

- Yeah roll it, put it
back into ox tail shape

at the beginning.
- That's a good idea.

- Jus reduction, reduction?

- [Gordon] The ox tail dishes

for the lunch menu
are almost ready

and they've each cost about
a quid to put together.

- [Chef] So this is braised
ox tail with winter vegetable,

braised gem lettuce.

- [Gordon] Dishes like these

are not only highly profitably

but bringing together the
great Scottish produce

with French flair is a
winning formula.

- I like the jus and just
a bit of horseradish.

- Yes, it tastes delicious
with the white root vegetables

it made it feel earthy
and together.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Who's next?

And despite what Loic thinks,
simplifying his dishes

will actually make them
more likely to win awards.

I've never had ox tail and
sesame seed together before.

Michelin inspectors never
reveal their criteria.

But I know from experience
that beautifully cooked food

is not enough.

Next?

Inspectors look for good
quality ingredients,

ideally regional and
definitely in season.

- And I put carrots, celeriac.
- This idea is great.

- [Gordon] And the balance
of flavours is crucial.

- [Loic] Very rich.

- [Gordon] It needs a salad.

- Yeah.
- 'Cause it's quite rich.

- And what I like is only to
put the salad just next to

and not on the plate,
like this you can chose.

- [Gordon] But first
and foremost,

don't confuse a Michelin
Inspectors palate

by putting too many
ingredients on the plate.

You never expect anyone French

to come up with a jacket
potato stuffed, thank you.

The simpler, the better.

What do you think?

- Really enticing.

- Flavours are very good.

What you managed to do
is to bring out

the true flavour of ox tail,
above all.

- Thank you.

- Okay Mel Gibson.

Any one of these dishes
would be worthy

of a place on the lunch menu
but we're choosing just one.

I want to see if Loic and
I can agree on the winner.

I'm going to touch my plate
which I'd like on the lunch menu

and you touch the
plate after three.

- Yeah, okay.

- [Gordon] One, two, three.

- Nicolas.
- Well done!

(chefs clapping)

Well done.
- Let's go!

- It was real and
authentic Scottish food.

- Yeah.
- That's I think,

he understood, he really
understood where we want to go.

- With Loic leading the way,

we're ready to re-launch
the restaurant.

For me, it's a critical
stage for any restaurant

is to get a lunch full.

And if our customers
have an enjoyable lunch,

chances are, they'll be back

for more expensive a la
carte dinner.

When they leave with a
bloody good lunch,

good prices, I can guarantee,

by the time five o'clock
in the afternoon hits,

you know, they've
told 100 people,

go there for dinner because
I had a fantastic lunch.

We want to see if we
can push this;

starter, main and desert,
one hour.

(jazzy instrumental music)

As well as the new ox tail
dish, the menu will include

mackerel, pheasant and
goat cheese ravioli.

Venison from Barry's estate,

tuna and the cheapest
cut of pork.

Customers sometimes are
scared about belly of pork

thinking fat, greasy,
we've taken the fat off,

rolled it and spiced on a
bed of spinach,

it's a caramelised onion puree,
have a taste if you wish.

And I've got some other ideas

to give Scottish traditional
dishes a modern twist.

This is a soup that
doesn't look pretty

but tastes amazing.

They wouldn't expect a
Frenchman to make

a cock-a-leekie soup,
which is a really nice way

of you know, putting your
identification on it.

Loic, just an idea for
the rice pudding.

- [Loic] Yeah?

- We grew up with
this kind of food

so we can go a little
bit further,

caramelised pineapple, mango
or even marinate the prunes

in a nice malt whiskey.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- That's good.

- The kitchen's finally
turning out the kind of food

that I know will definitely
appeal to the locals.

(vacuum whirring)

And even the waiters have
promised to try and smile.

But there's one more thing to
complete the transformation.

You've got to come with me now

because we're gonna
become even more Scottish.

(lively marching band music)

Any ideas yet?

Regis, have you ever taken
your knickers off before?

- [Regis] No.

- A chance to show
Inverness your Scotch eggs.

- Okay.
(laughing)

- It's time for Loic and his
small colony of French comrades

to surrender themselves
to the Scots.

(chuckling)

- (sighing) Fucking
hell, the things I'll do

to get the arrogant French

to become a little bit
more Scottish

is amazing you know that?

- It's cold!
(laughing)

- How do you put it on?

- [Gordon] We don't wear
pants underneath our kilts.

- That's wonderful, very,
very hot and it's very sexy.

(chefs laughing)

- I done it, I done it,
I done it!

- Hey there's 25 very important
guests coming for lunch.

Yes, got some really good news.

They're all women.
- Nice.

- Very powerful women.

If they can impress 25
influential, local business
women,

they'll be the talk of the town.

- Could I have the ox
tail and the pork please?

- Number two, four guests.

One potato soup, vegetarian.

Three ox tail, to
follow one gnocchi.

Two minutes time, one tuna.

Nicolas?
- Oui?

- two mackerels, two
ravioli, one of steak, okay?

- [Gordon] Watch your legs,
watch your frogs legs!

At last, Loic's team
are beginning to dance

to a different tune.

(plates clattering)

- (speaking in foreign language)

(clapping)

Go, go, go, Michelin star,
okay move!

- [Gordon] The food looks
really good, clear and simple.

- Up, up!

- Fucking bastard.

I think everyone's coping
really, really well.

It's the first time
I've actually seen

a real taste of Scotland
in this kitchen.

About fucking time.

- Just after this we have
two more pork, two pork!

- [Gordon] Loic's on his way

to the top of the
premier league.

- It's wonderfully
presented, it's gorgeous.

- [Gordon] And judging by
the reaction of his fans,

he's definitely scored.

- Absolutely divine, just
perfect, absolutely perfect!

- You couldn't fault
anything really.

- I would imagine normally
with this sort of food

you'd be talking at least
a couple of hours for lunch

but to get something like
this in that timescale?

Brilliant, it's beautiful!

(diners chattering)
(silverware clinking)

- You have tried, you win this.

(chefs laughing)

And you do okay, it's
for you, a wee present.

- Thank you mon ami.

Excuse me, what the fuck
is that, who is that?

(chefs laughing)

- [Regis] I think
it's a big chef.

- And what is that there?

- Aha, the balls.

- Balls, yeah, trust me I
have a big pair of bollocks.

Hallelujah, thank you.

Chin chin.
- Chin.

- Loic and his team have
come a long way this week

and if he sticks to my
keep it simple mantra,

then I think La Riviera
might be on the right track

for a Michelin star.

Outside.

(ladies cheering)

Just for the ladies, Regis,

to understand that you really
are part of Scotland now,

we're all gonna turn around--
(ladies cheering)

Turn around, turn around,
turn around!

Ready, one, two, three, go!

(knife whizzing)
(air whooshing)

(knives slicing)

(jazzy instrumental music)

On my last visit to La Riviera,

Chef Loic had
simplified his food

by reducing the number
of ingredients.

Barry had spruced up
the dining room.

The restaurant was heaving.

I left it with every chance
at becoming a success

and attaining that
elusive Michelin star.

In the two years since I
was last here,

La Riviera has been
renamed Abstract.

I wonder what else has changed.

Marinated calamari,
Chinese way, potato foam,

salted peanut ice cream.

Sounds like the fucking
menu's upside down.

Is that a desert or a starter,
fuck me.

- How are you?
- How are you?

- Not too bad, family well?

- Yeah, very well indeed,
thank you.

This looks nice and new.

My God, it's lunchtime
but Abstract is empty!

What's wrong?

And how many have you
got booked for lunch?

- Lunch?

We don't open for lunch here
now, we just opened next door.

- So you've actually opened
a new restaurant in there?

- Yeah we opened Contrast about
the end of the second week

in June this year.

Just a brasserie, so as to
try and give us the balance

between the fine dining
and something more simple.

- Bizarre.

Instead of serving simple
lunches in here as I advised,

Barry's opened an entirely
new restaurant.

- We just thought, we're
doing the lunches here,

it's really busy there.
- Yeah.

- We'll close this one.

- [Gordon] Barry says
turnover at Abstract

is down 27% in the past year

although it is popular
in the evening.

Big question, Michelin star?

- We never got it and
that was it,

we just keep working hard and
see what happens this year.

- [Gordon] I thought by
simplifying the menu,

I'd put them on
course for a star.

Is Loic over elaborating
in the kitchen again?

How are you?
- Fine and you?

- Yeah, good to see you well.

- Yeah.
- I'm sorry to hear

about the Michelin star,
I thought that would of--

- That's life.
- Arrived a year ago.

- We've done well
without the star.

And the business is
running very well.

- New dishes on the menu.

Marinated calamari Chinese way,

potato foam, salted
peanut ice cream.

- Yeah.

- Oh dear.

This must be a
vegetarian delight,

a giblet club sandwich?

What is that?

- Mashed giblets.

- We're in Inverness now?

We're not in Edinburgh
or London or New York.

If you said to someone, you
know, fancy a club sandwich?

You know, they would expect
some fucking chicken,

tomatoes, mayonnaise.

Where do you get
these ideas from?

- I don't want to be like
my neighbours.

(playful instrumental music)

- I feel like I'm just
preparing lunch

for the Silence of the lambs.

Brown hare and black pudding,
pigs trotter carpaccio?

Sounds like everything's
intensified ten fold.

I just hope it comes off.

Some of Loic's menu seems
very strange indeed.

It's more Frankenstein
thank Franco-Scottish.

- So that's the club sandwich.
- Thank you.

- Then we serve with
the roasted partridge,

Chablis risotto with
plum and white mushrooms

and just a normal jus.

- [Gordon] It's a shame.

He's a talented chef but
he's still trying too hard.

- And it's only one
or two bites.

At the end of the dish,
you're satisfied

because you didn't have
a lot to eat.

- I can guarantee there
won't be anywhere,

anywhere in quite
possibly Europe,

that will be serving
a giblet club sandwich

so you can relax on that front.

If Loic carries on like this,

he can forget the Michelin star.

Maybe the brasserie isn't
the only reason

takers are down at Abstract.

(jazzy instrumental music)

Loic tells me his customers
like the giblet club sandwich.

But surely not.

I'm gonna unleash it onto
the street of Inverness.

Yes of course darling,

and would you like to
know what it is?

- Yes.

- It's a giblet club sandwich.

- Oh lovely.

- Right, you fire away.

- Lovely!

- You like that?
- Yes.

- Fuck me.

Right this, it's actually
a giblet club sandwich.

Would you order it if you saw
it on a menu in a restaurant?

- There's absolutely no way.
- It sounds gross.

- What's in that?
- Giblets.

- Definitely wouldn't order it!

- [Gordon] You
wouldn't order it?

- I wouldn't either.

- You guys have a little
taste, giblet club sandwich?

- [Gordon] Giblet club
sandwich, think about it.

- Nope.

- [Gordon] Madame?
- Whose giblets?

- Whose giblets?
(laughing)

It's weird,

because I feel a little
bit sorry for him as a chef

because he's very talented

but he doesn't know
where to draw that line.

However, Loic is getting
something right.

He finally took my
advice about simple food

but not at Abstract, he's
doing it here, in the brasserie

and the place is heaving.

It's nicer now, how many tables?

- It can seat 70 people.

- [Gordon] What style
of food is it?

- More simple food,
chicken obviously.

- You've gone simple?

- Yeah.
- No.

- Yeah I can do simple.

- No.

- I can be simple and
modern sometimes.

$5.95 for lunch, two
course lunch.

- $5.95?
- $5.95.

- Gone.
- Only fresh produce.

- That's amazing.

What kinds of things are
on the menu for $5.95?

- It's a challenge.

You've got some Scottish link,
very good.

- Monkfish tail at twelve pound?

Fucking hell no wonder
it's so busy!

- [Loic] It is
making good money,

that bring people back
in the evening.

- [Gordon] Contrast
offers great value dishes

made with fresh ingredients.

I only wish he'd done this
next door at Abstract.

So what did you have for dinner?

- The belly of pork.

- And how many times have
you eaten here?

- Twice.
- Lovely.

- [Guest] I've been
here six times.

- Really?
- Yeah I like it.

- Wow that's great, I
think it's beautiful.

How many times have you
been to Abstract?

- Once.
- How long ago?

- Oh, about a year ago.

- Why haven't you
been back there?

- I'll be honest, I
felt it was a bit stiff.

- It's very relaxed in
here, nice and casual.

- Yes.
- Yeah,

and you come for the value?

- Yeah, this is probably about
the seventh time down here

and I'd recommend it as well.

- You should be on the payroll.

(chuckling)

He always made it quite
clear from day one

that lunch was his headache

because he couldn't
quite make the standard

of fine dining for
the lunch menu.

They didn't want to
eat plain food,

well, they do because this
place is a big success.

(sombre instrumental music)

Saturday fourth of November,
full.

A hundred for dinner.

Another hundred for dinner.

Contrast's success is startling

with a turnover of a
quarter of a million pound

in it's first four months.

But why didn't Barry do
this in Abstract

and save himself eighty grand
building a new brasserie?

It's been phenomenally busy.

But, there's something
really weird going on

because that's getting less
busy in Abstract over there.

Contrast seems to be the draw.

Fucking hell.

(lively orchestral music)

I'm leaving this morning

but Barry and Loic have
dropped a bomb.

They're opening a third
restaurant together in
Edinburgh,

modelled on you're guessed it,
Abstract.

(papers shuffling)

This is a first for you in terms
of investing in a business,

in terms of partnership?

- Yes sir, yeah.

- And the expenditure?

- Probably you know, we're
about four hundred thousand

in on the shop, probably
another hundred thousand

opening expenses and
stuff like that?

- So half a million?

Big one, in terms of Edinburgh,
Edinburgh is a tough market.

I would play it fucking
safe, safe, safe, safe.

Whilst it's really exciting,

to go down and play with the
fucking big boys in Edinburgh

in a major fucking you know,
city.

If I was in your shoes, I would
be doing something simple.

I'd be going in with an
up market version

of Contrast, not Abstract.

I so want it to work,
you know that?

If you stick to those lines,

you'll fucking be a
massive, massive success.

- For sure we'll have to
simplify, we know that.

- Yeah.
- We've got your advice,

your opinion on it now,
which I think is great.

And you know, Loic and
I'll have a chat about it.

- Perfect,
(hands slapping)

good luck, yes.
- Thank you.

- Barry?

- Thank you, once again.

Appreciate it.

- You're such a little
fucker, you know that?

(chuckling)
(traffic whooshing)

If they keep it simple
and win the Michelin star,

they've got every chance
of their business

being really successful
but forget the quirkiness!

No restaurant's going
to be successful

with a fucking giblet
club sandwich,

anywhere in the world, let
alone fucking Scotland.

(jazzy instrumental music)

(knives scraping)