Kitchen Nightmares (2007–2014): Season 2, Episode 7 - Hannah & Mason's - full transcript

- Moore Place was in deep
trouble when I first arrived.

Oh fucking hell.

The dining room was empty.

Where is everybody?

And the food was shocking.

That's a Yorkshire pudding,

that is a pile of shit.

I had to deal with possibly

the worst waiter in the world.

Oh, Zack, I'm fucked.

A crazy Frenchman.



You're being a little
fucker again.

And a chef obsessed with
deep-fat fryers.

If Mark bangs on again
about the justification

to why I should accept
that he cooks

99% of his food in a
fucking deep-fat fryer,

I'll put one up his
arse sideways.

(metal clanking)

(upbeat music)

Esher, in the Home Counties.

Full of stockbrokers, ladies
who lunch and golfers.

35,000 rounds of golf
are played every year

on Esher's Moore Place course.

That should be more than enough

to keep the attached
restaurant full,



but none of the golfers ever go.

Nor does anyone else.

I have just a week to
turn the place around,

and that's a tall order.

Jesus Christ almighty,
a monstrosity.

First impressions, yeah, I'd
turn it into an open prison

for young offenders, 'cause
it looks fucking ghastly!

My God!

I think this could be my
toughest job yet.

I've come to try out the food.

More purple, everywhere.

But the place is deserted.

♪ Have you ever been lonely. ♪

Looks like I'm dining
alone, not a good sign.

God knows what they're
going to serve me.

- The Camembert.

- Deep-fried Camembert?

Have I gone back in time?

Dear Lord, for what I'm
about to receive,

may I not be poisoned for the
fourth time in four months.

Amen.
(Camembert crunching)

Jesus, it reminds me
of rancid fish fingers.

That's disgusting, thank God
I've got wine to wash it down.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

It absolutely stinks,
it's corked.

Where is everybody?

Still, at least I can be
sure no-one's watching me.

Next up, duck a l'orange.

I have gone back in time.

It's the culinary equivalent
of flared trousers.

- [Server] Is the meal
all right there?

- This duck tastes like
it grew up in the 1970s.

It's not exactly fucking tender.

Is this a popular dish,
duck a l'orange?

- Not really.

- No, have a little taste.

(server laughs)

It's quite tough, no?

- That's really
difficult to eat, yeah.

- I know, you sure you
don't want to spit it out?

- No.
- Are you gonna swallow?

- Not at the moment, no.

- (laughs) Some water?

It's still in there.
- Mm-hm.

You're still chewing.
(both laugh)

- Oh, my God.

- Don't swallow it.

Horrible food.

No wonder this place
is in trouble.

Completely clueless.

But on the verge of
being embarrassing.

- So what do you think
about your meal tonight?

[Gordon speaks foreign language)

(chef speaks foreign language)

- I'm lost for words, almost.

Merde.

Well, at least I
wasn't poisoned,

so I've come back to
meet the owners

of this 1970s nightmare.

- Richard.
- Richard, how are you?

Try to be nice.

Huge place.

Richard Hodgson and
Nick Whitehouse

have sunk all their money
into this place.

And it's been a disaster.

- Somebody's coming at six.

- It's like an old country
house hotel, isn't it?

- Historically, it was
someone's house.

- This empty room will
be 'costing them

nearly 100 pounds an hour
for staff and overheads.

Potential is fantastic,
it's got character.

- It has.

- It used to be a
successful Berni Inn,

in the days when
steaks were posh.

- They used to do 200, 250
covers a day here, valet
parking.

- It's probably the last time
it took real money, wasn't it?

- Probably the only
restaurant on the high street.

- Yeah, absolutely.

- Aren't they ashamed to
be still serving

the same food from the
Berni Inn days?'

And who's got the food
background, who grew up--

- [Nick] I think
neither of us two.

- Our background's drink.

I've spent 15 years in
the licence trade.

- [Gordon] Richard sacrificed
everything to buy this place.

If I can't help him, his
family could be homeless.

- I should have done
this in my 20s,

when I didn't have children
and didn't have a huge mortgage

and everything else.

- We both sat there and thought,

"Shall we do it,
shan't we do it?"

and a few dark nights when we
thought maybe it's a bit risky

and there's a lot of risks
involved for us both.

- [Gordon] Nick's put
everything he's got

into the business as well.

Running a restaurant
is completely different

from selling drinks.

No wonder the kitchen's
such a nightmare.

- I hope the best.

- Herve was the French head
chef when they took over.

But no-one liked his
cooking, including me.

- We gave people some
shocking experiences,

I think it's safe to say.

- Well, we've taught them
what the extremes were like.

People can be quite
emotional about food

and "You've ruined my
life," that type of thing.

- [Gordon] I know how they feel.

Engine room, kitchen.

- Yeah, yep.

- Let's meet the rest of
the kitchen team.

And?
- Mark Robinson.

- Mark Robinson calls
himself the executive chef,

whatever that means.

So you were a head chef
somewhere
else before you came here?

- I trained as a chef, and
then became very disillusioned,

and went off and got an
IT and business degree.

- Gave up cooking for a
business degree?

Doesn't sound very
passionate about food to me.

He was brought in to
sort things out,

but all he's done is
spend thousands of pounds

on microwaves and fryers,
and piss Herve off.

Come on, stroppy Frenchman.

Herve, enchante.

- Enchante.

[Gordon speaking
foreign language)

(Herve speaking
foreign language)

- Good, he said he
doesn't like you.

(all laughing)

There are two people n
the dining room.

Let's see if their lunch
is as bad as my dinner.

Almost everything seems
to be deep-fried.

And the oil smells like it
hasn't been changed for months.

When you walk through
the restaurant,

the first thing you can smell
is like a tainted sort of--

- Fried smell.
- Fried smell.

Almost a little bit like
hospital food.

- [Mark] Yes.

(oil sizzling)

- Chef, why's there no
anchovy fillets

in the salade nicoise?

- It's like kind of a
salade nicoise,

but is, they are old.

- [Gordon] How many new
potatoes around?

- Er, only one.

- [Gordon] One new potato,
fucking hell, for 9.5O?

Any olives?
- No

- Nothing's ready here!

No beans cooked, no eggs cooked,

what the fuck's going on?

Are we just in the
shit 'cause we've

got two customers for lunch?

This kitchen is a nightmare.

Mark was brought in to
update the food,

but I can't see what he's done.

How can he get away with a
menu like this?

And how would you describe
the style, the food?

- It's, the

the a la carte stuff that
we do is very,

is very much "Here's a steak

"and three sauces you can
have with it."

It's not a massive detraction

from what they were
serving before here.

- And three sauces are what?

- Brandy and mushrooms, Stilton
and bacon, and peppercorn.

- Jesus, those three sauces

sound a little bit
Berni Inn-ish.

- Well, they are, I mean this
is the thing, it's a bit 1976.

- You can say that again.

A little nuked sauce.

Straight out of the microwave.

Stilton and mushroom.

It's an insult to cooking.

Ooh, in a bag, damn.

No wonder we need so
many fucking microwaves.

Herve?

(Herve speaks foreign language)

Thank fuck I'm not hungry.

Parsley, hey, c'mon,

it wouldn't be the same
without parsley,

come on, get it on there.

There you go, good old Berni.

I know you love your parsley.

So far they need a fucking
rock up their arse.

Because if they continue
the way they are doing now

it's gonna go down like
a sack of shit.

Quite frankly, I don't
think they actually

care about customers.

And every dining room needs
to care about customers.

Otherwise they don't
come fucking back.

(metal clanking)

(melancholy music)
It's my second day in Esher,

where I'm trying to help
the Moore Place

Restaurant and Golf Club.

The food's stuck in the '70s.

Hmm, Bisto.

As usual, there are
no customers.

Today, how many's
booked for lunch?

- None.

- Nothing, and tonight?
- None.

But we did have someone come
in to look at the restaurant.

And it's either here or TGIs.

- Fucking hell, I'd
rather go to TGIs.

Mark Robinson, the
executive chef,

should be tearing his hair out

but he's taking the day off.

You look different out
of your whites.

You look like a monk on leave.

(Mark laughs)

- Thanks, I'm going to
play golf later.

Fancy a round?

- Going to play golf?

Supposed to be running
an empty restaurant,

to get it off the ground,

to get it moving towards
something semi-decent,

not fucking around on
a golf course.

At least he knows there's
something wrong

because he's hired a
new head chef.

Now there are three: talk
about too many cooks.

One's a joke Frenchman,

the other's stuck in the '70s.

I hope Andy Trowell's
from the 21st century.

You've really got your
work cut out there.

- I know.

- And you can't go in
with all guns blazing,

booting them all in the goolies
within the first 24 hours,

you'll have no-one left.

- I know, I know, how would
you play this situation?

- Narrow the menu down
to begin with.

Start off really simple.

And look what's
going on locally.

Andy looks promising but
I'll have to show him

what he's up against.

What is that, Andy, huh?

It looks like something out
of the 19, what is that?

Jesus Christ, painful.

Looks like a dehydrated
silicone implant.

Actually, it's a microwaved
frozen deep-fried burger.

What is that, Caesar salad?

Looks like a plate of worms.

Kind of breaks my heart

when I see this shit, do
you know that?

- [Andy] Do you think
that's nice?

- Yeah, it's not bad.
- You think it's not bad.

- [Gordon] Andrew's worked
at some really good places.

He's gonna need all
his experience.

I noticed instantly,
bolognese sauce in a jar.

- [Gordon] They don't
use that though, do they?

- [Andy] I wouldn't like to say.

- We'll ask our
executive chef Mark.

- [Andy] The French dressing.

- [Gordon] He's as
shocked as I am

by all this
ready-made packet food.

Lazy cooking and it's more
expensive than making it fresh.

You smell that, that's
what the smell is

downstairs in the dining room.
- Yeah, I mean,

on a Sunday I bet you can
smell it all over the building.

- Jesus Christ, right down
into your heart strings.

No wonder there's no
fucking customers.

Herve , you're being
a little fucker again.

(Herve laughs)

How can we have a
Frenchman in here

and we're buying
French dressing.

Little fucker.

I'm impressed so far with Andy.

He seems keen to make changes.

- This is what I wanna
get away from.

And they put it on the menu
as brussel pate or something--

- Brussels with chicken.

It's just plastic crap.

Now, they're definitely
left from the Berni Inn.

Fucking hell, frozen
Yorkshire puddings.

(pudding snaps)
Ooh, lovely!

Andy could be the chef
I've been looking for.

And that mean I can get
out of the kitchen

and work with the owners.

(mellow music)

It looks like a
deceased bridge club

Why spend 10,000 pounds
painting the building

a horrible colour and nothing
on improving the food?'

- The reason for doing
was to show people

that the place had
changed hands,

that it was very different.

- At night though, when
we light it up

with purple lighting, it
looks fantastic.

- But it's probably alienated
some of our old core business

- Most important thing
is to focus on the food

and get the food up to
where it should be,

and what we should be
offering local,

how we should be
selling the food

and bringing in a bit
of a bargain.

I'm taking Richard down
the high street

to see where his
ex-customers are eating.

(moody jazz music)

Can't believe how close together

all the restaurants
are on one high street.

Esher's made up of wealthy
City types, ladies that lunch

and surprisingly,
thousands of Americans

who work for a big
conglomerate in the area.

Red Peppers, it's
absolutely packed in there.

There's a lady there
actually drinking champagne.

Spend per head, Saturday lunch?

15, 20 quid a head?
- 15, 20 quid

but it's churning all the time,
you know.

- There's a good example there.

Richards's a businessman,

and I want him to see
how much money

these places are taking.

There are 23 restaurants
on the high street

so competition is fierce.

But I bet most people
don't even know

there's a restaurant
at Moore Place.

Quick challenge, I'm
gonna ask a family,

I'm gonna stop them and say,

"Have you heard of Moore Place?

"Do you know what it is,
do you know where it is?

"Come and try us for lunch."

- Have you heard of Moore Place?

No?

Have you heard of Moore Place?

- Obviously not.
- You haven't.

- Have you heard of Moore Place?

- Yeah, I've heard of it.

- Up the road there.

Have you been, have you
used the place before?

- No, I don't like the
colour of it.

- You don't like-- (laughs)

- It strikes you as
being an eyesore.

- Another purple building there.

- It's a funeral directors'

- You didn't copy that, did you?

- What, Moore Place, what,

before they painted it a
strange colour?

- [Richard] You're not
a fan of the colour?

- No.

- If we painted it differently,
would you come back

next week?
- Yes.

- There, there you go.
- Good man! (laughs)

- I'll get two brushes,
you can have one of them

and I'll have the other.

So, in a survey on the colour,
(mimics negative buzzer).

- I think this trip's
opened his eyes

to the potential of his
own restaurant.

It's given me an idea
for the new menu.

The plan is to give the
restaurant a new direction

and get people talking
about Moore Place.

The deep-fried shit has to go,

the parsley round the plates,
and the chopped tomato,

that's fucking '70s
crap at its best.

- Gordon, I have no
desire to spend the rest

of my working days
smelling of fat.

- There's thousands of
Americans that live locally

that is the most amazing
market to tap into.

There's no reason why
you can't have,

not an
American-themed restaurant,

but an American influence.

But get the place famous
for two or three dishes.

When someone's driving past,
they go,

"Christ, look, there's,
Moore Place,

"they've got the best
burger in Esher."

It's a talk point, whether
it's the best burger

or whether it's the best
chowder, it doesn't matter.

But, as usual, Mark
has a problem.

- My concern is how
that would go down

with any of the older clientele
that we've got that come in.

- [Gordon] Okay, is that
keeping the business afloat?

- No.
- No, there you go

No disrespect, I've gone
into restaurants before

where everyone's been
nervous about

the existing old farty boring
bastards that sit there

and take a two-week
holiday in between courses

and dribble throughout.
(all laughing)

The Viagra coming
with the coffee.

We're looking for a new vibrant
young, exciting customers,

that are gonna be loyal to this
place for the next 10 years.

- Can we fuck off in
the kitchen now?

- Absolutely, fucking hell.

Stay focused, one direction,
American-style cafe,

upbeat, friendly service,

bloody good food, and
stick to it.

And if Mark bangs on again
about the justification

to why I should accept
that he cooks

99% of his food in a
fucking deep-fat fryer

and to why they spent, what,
12 and half thousand pounds

on six fucking microwaves,

I'll put one up his
arse sideways.

(mellow music)

Why don't we do a
couple of burgers

up for Richard and Nick.

My organic burger, made with
totally fresh ingredients,

is miles away from Mark's
deep-fried crap.

Nothing wrong with a burger
when it's done like this.

Lovely.

Herve, welcome to
proper cooking.

And it's cheaper to make than
bought-in silicone implants.

Tomato chutney,
that's a nice raw

cherry tomato chutney
with shallots.

I've put a little bit of
Parmesan on, toast them.

The celebration burger, lovely.

So far, Nick and Richard
have shown little interest

in the food they're serving.

What's the verdict?'

- [Richard] That is fantastic.

- That, that is, that's awesome.

- This is absolutely brilliant.

- That's the talking point,
that is.

"I ate at Moore Place and
the burgers are awesome.

"You've gotta got here
and have one."

- Fresh, meaty, it's great.

- And because burgers are
traditionally so badly done,

what an opportunity to
really excel.

- I can almost see them
counting the money

they could make with my
American therme.

Burgers and corned beef
hash, pecan pie, peach Melba,

and smoked haddock chowder.

The most important thing
about this particular sup is

it's done up in the morning,
clam chowder made up

using potatoes and clam
juice to thicken it.

We've gone a little step further

and poached some quails
eggs, then pour the chowder

over the haddock,
over the clams.

The quail eggs still
nice and runny inside.

- [Andy] It's lovely.

- And you take a
spoon and think,

"Cor, fucking hell,
that's moreish."

the food is really
coming together.

This a is corned-beef
hash with hollandaise

finished with Pommery mustard.

- [Andy] Not difficult at all.

- Exceptional, really nice.

- Finally we're
getting somewhere.

Now all we need is
some customers.

(jaunty music)

35,000 golfers use this place

every bloody year, do
you know that?

And there's a small
percentage of them

actually get in to that bloody
restaurant through there.

So the idea no Is
going round there,

stalk them a bit on the green,

and ask them to taste
this amazing food.

I'm taking Kim, one of
the waitresses,

and Andy to entice them
in with the food.

Morning, sir.

- How you doing?

- Would you like a quick burger?

Sir, there we are.

- Thank you very much.

- What's this in aid of?

- This is in aid of Andy.

- I'm the new chef in the
restaurant, at Moore Place

- Are you?

I haven't been in that
place for three, four years.

- I used to come down
on a Sunday.

We booked a breakfast and
we had our tee booked,

and it just took so long
to get the breakfast out--

- Really?
- That's interesting.

- We had to tee off and
had to leave the breakfast.

And I ain't been in there since.

- Nick and Richard can't keep

an empty restaurant
going forever.

We have to fill the dining room

and make customers come back.

This is a beautiful
mini hamburger.

Your wife's gonna go mad now.

Look, you've spilled it
all down your jumper.

- Pecan pie?

- I wonder how many of these
golfers are ex-customers?

- Trying to get people
into the restaurant,

try my good food.

- Is there a theme to your menu?

- Chowder, great burgers,

corned-beef hash,
beautiful roasts.

Knickerbocker Glories.

Would you come back to
the restaurant?

- Oh, we certainly would.

Thank you very much,
really nice.

- [Gordon] There are
three days of the year

when all restaurants,
however bad, are full:

New Year's Eve, Valentine's
Night and Mother's Day.

- What you doing on
Mother's Day?

- That's a good point.

- It's Mother's Day this Sunday,

and it could be make or
break for Moore Place.

Three down, 34,997 to go.

Hopefully we've enticed some
disgruntled customers back

and made some new converts.

My next task, to sort
out the waiters.

[Groovy music)

It's Friday night and
time is running out

for practising on
customers; all nine of them.

It's Andy's night off and so
Mark's running the kitchen.

- I just want them
squared up straight

Peter, it's not square,
just square them up

- [Gordon] So why is
he in the dining room?

- I just want them straight.

- [Gordon] Tonight I want
to see if the waiters

can push the new menu.

- On a bed of spinach,
topped with a fried egg.

- [Woman] That sounds great,
actually.

- It is nice, I tried
it yesterday.

- I've changed my mind already!

- Well done, Kim, one
corned-beef hash.

Less butter on the
spinach next time.

- [Peter] Smoked haddock chowder
which is a soup with, with.

- [Gordon] Come on, Peter!

- It's got haddock fish,
it's got.

What was the thing it was?

- [Woman] Quail's egg?

- [Gordon] No, the customers
know more than him.

- [Woman] Can I have
the Camembert?

- Two of those, please.

- [Gordon] Oh God, they've
ordered the Camembert.

Place hands, chest up, hey?

Zack looks so shy.

I'm not sure he can walk
and talk at the same time,

never mind sell the new menu.

There you go, that's it.

- How was your starter?

It's semi-cooked?

- [Gordon] Now things
are going wrong

in the kitchen as well.

Mark can't even make the
deep-fried Camembert.

It's frozen.

I thought it was his specialty

Two more.

Are they better?

- I mean it's melting but
they're full of fat now.

- If it's under ripe cheese,
then it's gonna be a lot harder

to get runny even if
you cook it from frozen

it's never gonna go runny
because it's not ripe.

Now the chef's gone into
the dining room.

That's pretty much one
member of staff

for every two customers.

And there are no vegetables
on the main course

and they need my help
to serve them.

How are they ever gonna manage

with more than nine customers?

Everything they touched
so far this evening

is fucking overcooked,
undercooked,

unripened deep-fried Camembert.

And no veg.

I'm really worried, this dining
room will be full on Sunday.

There could be as many as
150 customers.

We don't stand a chance.

If it continues to go
like it is now

there'll be more
fucking Camembert

inside the pot plants.

Shocking, I mean really
fucking shocking.

Dining room, absolutely crucial.

We can't do without you,
and you can't do without us.

And we've got to
establish that teamwork,

and we've got to come
together as a teem,

and think together as a
team and then never forget

the most important person
is the customer.

So it's a very
straightforward exercise.

Nick and I are gonna arrive

in the dining room for
the first time.

We've got a table booked
for 1.30 for lunch today.

Ready?

Sit me down, present the menu

and sell me this restaurant.

Peter's been here for 15 years

so he should know
what he's doing.

- Good afternoon, Mr
Whitehurst, nice to see you!

Mr Ramsay!
[Gordon laughs)

Long time, no see!

I got a nice table for you!

- [Gordon] Well, you can't
fault his enthusiasm.

- [Kim] Still or
sparkling for both of you?

- Sparkling for me.
- Sparkling.

- I'll have a beer, actually.

Kim's been a waitress
for 5 years.

She's charming but has no
real training.

- A beer, bitter, okay.

- Lamb perhaps?

- I'm not too partial.

- Zack's only been here a week.

He knows nothing,
really nothing.

Where's it from, the lamb?

- I'm not too sure.

- Soup of the day, what's that?

- Not too sure either,
I'm sorry.

- May I have some water, please.

- [Zack] Still or sparkling?

- Yeah, still, please.

- Still, fresh or?

- Fresh or, ooh God!

Fresh or from the pond on
the ninth green!

I would like you all to taste.

They have less than 48 hours

to master the new
menu and be able

to sell it to the customers.

- It seems like it's got
bits of mussels in it.

It's not actual fish, is it,
I'm not sure?

- Right.
- It's seafood.

- Yeah, it's seafood soup.

It's got some white fish there.

It's got cockles, cockles,
cockles!

- This is gonna be
harder than the kitchen.

I used to work as a waiter

and I'm sure I can show
them how it's done.

Smoked haddock chowder.

Beautiful creamy soup,

garnished with flakes
of oak-smoked haddock.

Finished with a wonderful
poached quail egg.

- Nice beef chowder.

- [Gordon] Beef chowder,
definitely not.

- We also have a special
on today, clam chowder.

- The chowder is a very nice
platter, it's a very nice--

- Platter?
- Platter, no.

- [Gordon] Nice short
descriptive idea of the special.

- Clam chowder, very
strong-tasting.

- I'm turning fucking grey.

- I'll have to read the menu,
go through the menu and--

- I'll give the menu to you,
there you go.

- Okay, hold on a minute,
let me just see what we got.

- [Gordon] Last time.

- Sharp-tasting, got a
special twist to it

as we put a quail's egg in it.

A quail's egg in it.

- Much better.

- Quail's egg in it,
really good.

- Even my pubes are going grey.

- Garnished with an
oaks of haddock.

I'm sorry, garnished with.

(both laughing)

- Can you cook?
- No.

- This whole thing is
theatre and this restaurant

has to become a showcase,

and every customer who's
gonna eat in here

on Sunday gearing up
for a bloody busy day,

has to remember you.

And if they remember you,
and we serv good food,

boy are they gonna come back.

And one last chance for Zack.

Here we go, this one I
can feel in my bones.

I can see how relaxed you are.

You're looking good,
you're cool, you're dude

and bam, give it to me.

- The smoked haddock
chowder is a very nice dish.

It has a nice creamy fishy,

garnished with flakes and a nice

smoked haddock in the middle.

It's been selling
like hot cakes.

[Gordon laughs)

- It would be funny if it
wasn't for Mother's Day.

Oh, shit.

- [Zack] We've only had
two days to prepare though,

so, it's like--

- Fucking hell,
you've got two days

to prepare one fucking speech.

I've got 24 hours to get a
fucking restaurant ready, Zack!

Zack!

(metal clanking)

I'm more than halfway through
my time at Moore Place.

The food's better, the
waiter's have improved,

but without any customers
it's all a bit pointless.

There are three days of the year

when every restaurant should
be full, even purple ones.

New Year's Eve, Valentine's
Day and Mother's Day.

And Sunday is Mother's Day.

Richard and Nick have
been taking bookings,

trying to claw back some money.

Table plan, the good news is
what, we've got 11 booked.

- (laughs) No, we've got quite
a bit more than that booked.

- [Gordon] Hit me with it.

- 181.
- Shit, confirmed?

I should be please but
I'm terrified.

I thought we'd struggle
with 150, but 181?

- It's making me feel
worried slightly.

- Bit ambitious?
- A bit ambitious, yeah.

- What we're trying to do
and turn this place around

is take it up a division and
getting customers in here.

What worries me is they're
still not turned on.

- I think they've bitten
off more than they can chew.

The amount of covers
they want to do.

- I'm as worried as
Andy, but I have an idea:

roast chicken, just like
your mother used to make

but with a twist,
carved at the table

to take pressure off
the kitchen.

You've cut a chicken before?
- Nope.

- You've cut a chicken before?
- No.

- You've cut a chicken before?

- Many, many years ago.
- many many years ago.

Rich?
- At home, of course.

- Everyone's going to
learn, including the owners.

JC, you thought you were coming

down here for a round of golf,

no you're not, I want you
to do a chicken, ready?

I brought in JC, one
of my best maitre d's.

He knows everything that
there is to know about service

and about carving a chicken.

- It's one of the classic
cutting that we do.

- [Gordon] First, cut
off the legs.

Then separate the
drumstick from the thigh.

Next, cut along the breastbone.

Keep the knife close
to the carcass

and take off the breast.

- I will leave the skin
myself and the customer

can do what he want, yeah?

So we do one breast, one leg.

- [Gordon] Turn the
chicken over and remove

the succulent oyster underneath.

- [JC] That's a nice piece
of meat, voila.

- [Richard] What are you
doing on Sunday?

- (laughs) Four pounds
fifty an hour.

- No, we'll push the
boat out this time, 4.75.

The man's got talents, come on!

- Time for everyone to practise.

First time for you?

- First time for me, a
chicken virgin.

- Up the arse.
- Up the arse.

Which is the arse?

- [Gordon] Legs off first.

And then you go on
to the breast.

The chicken has to be
carved in three minutes

or the rest of the food
will have gone cold.

- It doesn't even look
like a chicken wing.

It just looks like a
bit of bone.

- [Gordon] And You cut
the leg beautifully.

You cut the drum off,
you've got the thigh there.

- [Kim] Yeah look, that's right.

- That's done brilliant.

You're just having problems
with the breast. (laughs)

Tomorrow, they'll have to carve
in front of the customers.

And it's have to look
better that this.

So nice to see you in the shit.

That's cat food there.

That doesn't look pretty.

Looks like the fucking
fox has attacked it.

The chicken's are coming on,

and it'll be so nice
to have chickens carved

at the table, getting the
waiters to take some pressure

off our fucking shoulders,

with gratin dauphinoise
in a bowl on the table,

fresh peas, just come
into season.

That's the major selling
point for the dining room.

Instead of being positive
about Mother's Day,

Mark's worrying about
old customers

who are expecting the 1970s
menu he's already sent out.

- The people that have
booked have seen this,

as long as they know
they're gonna

get the beef, lamb, chicken.

- The saving grace is
they may have sent he menu

but they haven't
fucking tasted it.

- [Mark] Absolutely.

- So that's one big fucking
relief for me, straight away.

I really want Mark to be
right behind the changes.

Irrespective of how many
we've got booked,

we're gonna be in the
shit big time.

And if we can entice 25% of
these customers to return--

- Well we've got them.
- Yeah, you've got them.

The simple truth is that
Nick and Richard

have got greedy and overbooked.

They have to learn to
care for their customers.

Do you think you're
both now capable

of running a restaurant?

- As you said before, and
we've not made any bones about,

we're not food experts, we're
not restaurant operators.

- I think we need to be in here,

certainly in the short
to medium term,

we need to keep building
our capability.

- If you are going to go
up a division,

and take it from
strength to strength

you have to get firmer.

I have to do it every day.

'cause there's a part
of me thinks,

"Christ, you nasty bastard."

And now that you guys
are physically hands-on,

I mean really hands-on,
it would be so good

to keep control of it, hold
tight to those fucking reins.

If Richard and Nick serious
about getting stuck in,

we could still get
through Mother's Day.

I'm going to take them
at their word

and give them real
some work to do.

I really wish I could repaint
the building for tomorrow.

But at least I can do
something about the inside.

You know when you walk in here

the first thing you
look at and thing,

"Christ, what a
lovely entrance."

A little bit disorientating
because you're confused

to where the restaurant is.

At the moment, the
customers are in danger

of getting lost on the
way to the dining room.

Walk through, down to the right,

and then when you come into here

it's such a lovely area here

and what I was thinking, see
all these plants outside?

Let's get this over here.

One of those little
Indian screens.

Sectioned off, and it just gives

a nice smooth clear
flow-through.

- If you don't catch them,
they often mill around here.

- Disorientated.

Come thought this door,
walk in, first thing you see

is this horrible
plastic coat rail.

The area outside the restaurant

is just as important as inside.

(jaunty music)

Very warm.

It's even more intriguing now

than it is when you walk
through to the,

and you think "Wow,
beautiful entrance.

"Excellent, where the restroom?"

"Oh it's just down here
onto the right."

There's that natural little
snake round you can follow now.

Everything is ready for
Mother's Day.

Just one last test to
see if Richard can carve

a chicken in less than
three minutes.

Three minutes. (whistles)

(timer beeps)

How are you feeling?

- Have you started?
- No, not yet.

- How am I feeling,
I'm overwhelmed.

- We've started.

Look at that big smart arse.

Have you been practising ?

- Only at home, every hour
of every minute of every day.

- One minute to go. (laughs)

He's done it.

Richard's ready to face
his customers.

- Have you been here before?

- Two minutes 20, well done.

Can I just say that we've got

50 roast chickens for
tomorrow to sell.

- Fucking, that's 100 legs that
could go into someone's lap.

(all laughing)

- Morning, guys.

The big day's has arrived.

And if we're gonna
give the diner's

a Mother's Day to remember,
we'd better get cracking.

How many chickens are going in?

- Six chickens down
that oven there,

got a chicken in there,

and then I've got that
whole tray of chickens.

- As well as roast chicken,
Andy's cooking rib-eye beef

with all the trimmings.

And Herve, he's in charge
of the Yorkshire puddings.

Herve, you cannot make
Yorkshire pudding like this.

Fucking hell.

Not exactly how your
mother made them!

They're like bullets.

Maybe you'll have to
cook them longer as well.

And hotter, to start off
with, just to get them rising.

Morning, you've got 15 chickens,

it'd be nice if you could
do 10 of them.

- What, me personally?
- Yeah.

- Thanks for that.

I'm gonna start thinking
about chicken. (laughs)

- Okay, here we go, Herve.

Yorkshire puddings...

Whee!

What do you reckon?

- 50-50.

- Fingers crossed.

If my Yorkshire puddings rise,

the kitchen will be
almost ready.

Just one last pep talk
for the waiters.

I just want you to stop
crashing around.

Move around the dining
room like a ballerina.

See that wonderful
floor out there,

you just treat that like
it's Swan Lake,

gliding in and out of
all the tables.

If we get this right, Moore
Place will really take off.

If not, we'll offend half
the mothers in Esher.

We shouldn't be under
this pressure

on fucking Mother's Day.

Quick look, okay, just
stay there two seconds.

- No, no, no, no--

- No, no, no, no, I
don't want you

blowing on them and
knocking them down.

Look at everybody standing here,
waiting.

Fuck off out of here!

Hoo!

Oh, fucking hell!

One more look, just in case
I was imagining things.

Ready, watch.

Woo!

- Like this.

- Like a bread burger bun.

A bun!

There we go.

Little bastard.

Right, come here, please,
dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Okay Riches, look, that's
what I'm trying to explain.

That's a Yorkshire pudding,

that's a pile of shit, yes?

Right, where's that
French little fucker?

Come here, Herve!

End of story.

Okay, 15 minutes to go,
first table arriving

at 12 o'clock, quarter to.

Andy, you wanna lead
from the kitchen.

- Yep, okay, starters:
smoked haddock chowder,

it's a creamy fish soup,
garnished with oak-smoked
haddock.

The main course is roast
chicken, carved at the table.

That's down to you guys.

- Push the chicken!

- [Andy] Traditional
roast beef--

- With Yorkshire puddings.
- With Yorkshire puddings.

(all laughing)

- Je t'aime.

- Ah, Herve...

Christ, when you think
this time last week,

we went from two to 180
for lunch today.

So I'm going to be in
the dining room,

right behind them, giving
them a little bit of support.

Because I think the kitchen is
pretty much set, we're there,

but the dining room's still
a little bit apprehensive.

(patrons chattering)

Bookings have been
staggered over two sittings,

so we'll be working
for six hours straight.

- [Man] Use this one
for the peas...

- After Zack's performance
with the chowder,

I've put him on bar duty.

Kim, Nick, Richard and Peter
will be working the floor.

Andy's in charge of the kitchen

with Herve as his
right-hand man.

- You got three minutes, Herve.

How many's it for, how
many's the chicken for?

- And the the executive chef,
well, yeah,

he's in charge of crockery.

- Okay, you've got three
chowder bowls up there.

- Happy Mother's Day!
- Happy Mother's Day!

- Homemade Moore Place burger--

- It's a thick beef burger
with a chargrilled bun.

- And it tastes brilliant.

- [Gordon] It will do
Nick the world of good

to meet some customers.

The burgers are selling
well but at the moment,

not enough chicken.

- Just two, three of you
want the chicken.

We'll bring it out to your table

and carve it for you
at the table.

- [Andy] How come you're
not selling any chicken?

- [Richard] It's not for
want of trying.

- [Andy] We want to
go for a break.

- If they actually
sell one chicken,

the rest of the dining
room will start to see

sort of a little bit
of excitement,

a little bit of magic
happening around that table,

so they'll all start ordering,

which then, within an
hour we'll run out,

which is exactly what we need.

Now there's a nice buzz
coming out of the room.

They sound really happy.

Here he comes, give it to me.

- Four chicken.
- Excuse me.

- Chicken for four, well done,
well done.

- [Andy] Four roast chicken.

- After all my doubts,

it's Peter who sold the
first chicken.

(jaunty music)

- Spring chicken.
- That's not you then.

Sure enough, soon
everyone wants one.

- It's a mutant chicken!

- [man] My goodness me!

- [Woman] What's the idea
of doing it at the table?

To get the juices flowing?

- Quite a lot of chicken.

- [Gordon] How do you
feel about having

the chicken carved at the table?

Different?

- It actually made me
feel a bit more hungry.

- [Gordon] Makes you
feel a bit more hungry.

- [Kim] Can't find the knuckle.

- Right, think of the drumstick.

- What's that bit?
(funky music)

I've never seen that bit before.

It's nice, though, innit?

D'you want a bit of each?

- Relax, it's only a chicken.

Everybody's rising to
the occasion

and the first sitting's
going really well.

- Take two.

There you are.
- Thank you.

- [Gordon] It's great
to see the dining room

full and feel the buzz.

- Ooh, thank you very much,
lovely.

- But on the second sitting,

the overbooking's
causing a problem.

There are just too many people.

There's a table of 19 and
a table of 15 and of 14

pretty much coming at
the same time.

And it's not very good
when you've got

48 people all at once,

because they're shafted
in the kitchen.

Nick and Richard have to
learn a cardinal rule.

Put the customers first,

make them feel really special
and build a sense of loyalty.

- I don't expect to come
out for a family meal

and have to wait as
long as this.

It's not a question
of fast food,

it's a question now we've
been here an hour and a half

and we've had a starter,
and that's it.

Not hearing a lot of
explanation other than--

- "We're busy."

"We've been really busy," yeah.

- We've kept cheerful,
haven't we except for Colin.

- Still, there we are,

we learn and we don't
come back again.

- [Kim] Have you ever had a
chicken carved at your table?

- No.
- I've not done this many--

- [Gordon] Kim's trying hard
but charming the customers

just won't work, they
want to eat!

- [Kim] At least you
know it's fresh though.

Another bottle of wine?

- [Man] Another bottle
of wine please.

- Remember, unhappy customers
destroy reputations.

I mean how the fuck can you cook

for nearly 50 people at
one time, yeah?

- The food was very good.

The rest of it, the
structure, the organisation,

I'm sorry, mate, it
doesn't happen.

- Perhaps some more
waiting staff, I mean,

the girl's done her best but
she's the only one on her own.

- The guys in the black shirts
and everything, the managers,

they were sitting down talking

to their mates in the
conservatory there

and they only left two
people serving

everybody else in here.

- I'd like to say goodbye--

- But we're still waiting.

- I'm still waiting to
pay the bill.

- [Gordon] Let's hope Richard
and Nick learn their lesson.

The dining room's empty
now, but it's been full

for the first time
in a long time

and the vast majority of
customers went away happy.

- One chicken left.

- Okay, Herve, bravo, well done.

- Thank you.
- Yes, happy?

- Yeah.

Yeah, it's good
working with Andy.

- Will you use my recipe
for Yorkshire puddings?

- [Herve] They're not
bloody French!

- I know they're not
bloody French.

- [Herve] I don't do
Yorkshire pudding.

- Don't let him wind you up

at the last minute when
everyone's knackered.

- Oh come, we've got
to the end of the day,

we've got to have some
fisticuffs before he goes.

- [Gordon] Everyone performed
in the kitchen, even Mark.

- It's an easy target
at the end of the day.

- [Gordon] Mark's not
an easy target.

- Yeah I am, you said earlier,
didn't you,

you said a lot of material.

- I just love it when you put

"executive chef"
before your name.

- Hey.
- Hey, goodnight.

And the waiters did a great job.

I'm really impressed with the
way everyone pulled together.

That was fantastic.

And you were running around
crazy today like proud cock.

"Wow, this is full, this is
heaving, this is buzzing.

"I'm running it,
happy as Larry."

- Since we started we've never

had a day like we've had
today in here.

- One complaint was the fact

that the food was
taking too long

and the rest of the
complaints was just customers,

still not happy with that
bloody colour.

(all laughing)

That purple monstrosity.

And do you know what, at
quarter to 12 lunchtime

I didn't think you
were gonna do it.

'cause I didn't think any of
you were good enough to do it.

Fucking well done.
(staff applauds)

Maybe there's hope for
the purple palace yet.

(metal clanking)

(upbeat music)

When I arrived at Moore Place,

I found a restaurant in crisis.

Where is everybody?

It felt more like a rest home.

Today, how many
people for lunch?

- None.
- Nothing.

The food was deep fried,
microwaved or out of a packet.

That's fucking '70s
crap at its best.

Too many cooks and not
one of them any good.

Thank fuck I'm not hungry.

And I met possibly the
worst waiter in the world.

Oh Zack, I'm fucked!

I mean really fucking shocking.

But by the end of the week,
things had started to improve.

That was in March 2004,
now I'm back.

Oh, for God's sake!

They've still kept it purple!

And on a sunny day, it
still looks like a shithole.

Jesus Christ!

It's a relief to find out

Andy's still heading
up the kitchen.

How are you?

- How are you doing, all right?

- Good to see you.

You look like you've had
a busy summer.

- Yeah, it's getting
out of hand!

The Ramsay burger!

- How many are you
selling a day?

- We're doing 80kg of
beef mince a week.

- 80kgs a week, my God.

- [Andy] It really
kicked off in a big way.

- Herve takes care of
the Yorkshire puddings,

how are they?

- They are better than yours.

- They're better than mine?

I'm happy!

I'm here to be beaten,
Herve, you French fucker!

(all laughing)

Do me a favour, make me one.

Morning!

- Morning, Mr Ramsay.

- Are you well?

- Very well, you?

- I was until I arrived.

It's still purple.

- It's still purple.

- It's about priorities,
isn't it?

We've continued to spend
money here on things

and it's on the list
at some stage.

- (coughs) Bullshit!

If you remember the
last chat we had,

the dynamics of getting
the restaurant busy

was the objective behind
this whole thing.

- That was doing the set menu

and dropping the price down,

and ever since then,
it's probably settled in

at 60, 70% higher than
it was before.

- And Mark's the gardener
now, is that right?

- Mark's up in Leicester,
he's running his own pub.

- So now he's an
executive barman!

- We're really given Andy
his head, haven't we,

in terms of the menu,
let him get on with it.

- The one thing I would
say categorically,

the food here is great now.

The product is great.

- [Gordon] But the
proof is in the pudding.

- Hello.

Here is your Yorkshire pudding.

- Excellent, that looks nice,
Herve.

Herve at least seems to have
improved on that flat pancake

he made me last time I was here.

It's not bad, Herve,
you know that?

It's actually not bad.

It's a little bit too
thick at the bottom.

It needs more salt.

- Do it!
- Do it?

(laughs) Okay, chef!

- Better than yours?

- Course it's fucking not!

Don't get that fucking excited!

Herve is the only original
brigade member left.

But Andy seems to have succeeded

in knocking a brand new team
into shape pretty quickly.

Front of house still
had the charming Peter.

How are you doing?

Zack's been moved to the
safest place, behind the bar.

How's the
smoked-haddock clam chowder?

- Well we don't do it any
more, I don't think, thank God.

- I knew they'd be on their
best behaviour for me,

so to get a genuine overview

on how Moore Place
has progressed,

two weeks ago I sent in a spy.

- "Very cheery service
from the old fellow

"in an open-necked shirt."

- Matthew Fort is a
renowned food critic.

- He seemed to be on
excellent terms

with the mostly
codgerish lunch--

- Hello, Matthew.
- Hi Gordon!

- [Gordon] His frank reviews

have made and broken
many businesses.

- Joe!

- [Gordon] He came away
with some strong opinions

about the purple palace.

Overall impressions?

Were they informative
on the menu?

- There was the old
codger who was--

- Yes.
- He was absolutely,

he was sweet, he was
very nice to my daughter,

he was very informative.

He was clearly taking
pleasure in all he was doing.

- And, um, style of food?

- Modern European, I would say.

And really very
competently done.

It was working some
well-known combinations.

Every now and then it
just gets a bit too fancy,

I think maybe to justify
the dining room.

There was deep-fried rocket,

which I thought was a bit weird.

- What the fuck would you
want to deep-fry it for?

- You ask me?

I was just a restaurant critic!

I wouldn't know about
these things!

What goes on in chefs' heads
frankly is a mystery to all,

frequently to themselves!

- Deep-fried rocket.

Was that your idea, no?

- No, it was mine.

But I've changed it now,
beetroot crisps.

- Deep-fried rocket has gone,
has it?

- It's gone, it's gone.

- Damn, I was gonna ask
for that fo lunch!

- It's all gone.

- Talking about lunch,
I'm gonna have a,

where are the menus?

Let's have a look at the
menus and I can order off it.

- they're round here.
- I'm starving.

Despite his rocket abomination,

Andy has definitely
had a beneficial effect

on the food here.

So why, if they're doing a
booming trade in the evening,

are lunch times still
completely dead?

Looking at the bar menu,
I've got a good inkling why.

- Good afternoon.

Are you ready to order, sir?

- I'll start off with the
vegetable spring rolls, please.

- Vegetable spring rolls?

- [Andy] Spring rolls?

- Three little words
spring to mind.

Deep, fried, food.

If a restaurant wants to
get a good reputation,

food has to be consistently
good throughout.

Here we go, there you go,

you can taste that one.

They look frozen.

- [Peter] I'm not very
keen on them.

- Fucking disgusting.

Looks like a cremated turd.

Fucking disgusting.

Miles away.

So we've got good food in
the restaurant,

and it's completely
spoiled by the shit

they're serving in the bar.

And if you're ever going to
attract people from the bar

to come and eat in
your restaurant,

you've gotta stop
serving that shit.

Full stop, it's sad.

- [Andy] Service!

- [Gordon] The
deep-fried rubbish

on the Moore Place bar menu

is in danger of
completely undermining

its new hard-fought reputation.

- Service!

- When you've got such
diverse menus,

it's going from the sort
of first division

straight down to the fourth.

Two dishes on the bar
menu is more expensive

than your lunch menu.

And the food on your lunch
menu is 10 times more exciting

than the food in the bar.

I want to suggest
incorporating more

of the restaurant menu
into the bar,

slowly but properly.

So anyone coming in for
a quick snack,

whatever it happens to be,

is an indication to how
good it is in there.

- For me, if it helps
the consistency

and it helps the
speed of delivery,

then it's no gamble.

- No more deep fat food,
no more deep fat fryer.

And just to make sure,

I'm putting the deep-fat
fryer out of harm's way.

Shit!

The food on the evening
menu is a huge contrast.

(mellow music)

The waiting staff can take pride

in what they're selling.

- That is served with
home-made chips.

All the same price!

- [Gordon] Richard and Nick
have wisely cut prices.

The result?

Surprise surprise, the average
spend per head has gone up

from a meagre 13 pounds
to over 20 quid.

And if business continues
at this level,

their predicted annual turnover

will have increased by
nearly a million pounds.

- Everyone loves a
Ramsay burger!

- Fantastic.

The place is doing really well.

Very, very busy.

We've got rid of the fucking
fryer, which is fantastic news.

And it's a great restaurant.

The food looks fantastic.

They don't need me any
more, I'm out of here.

- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

- Sir, it's been a pleasure.

- Likewise, but
remember one thing.

I'll be fucking back!

(all laughing)

- Can't wait!

(air hissing)

- [Gordon] oh fuck.

(metal clanking)