King of the Road (2016-…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Midway Point - full transcript
The teams go to San Francisco to meet their mystery guests, who then compete in a downhill toilet race.
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---
Please do not attempt to perform
any of these stunts
Or activities in this show.
They are super dangerous,
crazy, wild, dangerous.
The stunts seen are either
performed by professionals
Or under the supervision
of professionals,
Serious professionals.
This show also
contains bad language.
[ birds chirping ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
All right.
Here we go.
-Oh, no.
-God damn it.
[ laughs ]
Oh!
[ chatter and laughing ]
Oh, my god.
Oh, it's spilling out.
-Oh, now it's in. It's in.
-It's in.
-Is it going down?
-Yeah!
You're doing it.
Oh, that feels fucking weird.
[ chanting "chug! Chug!" ]
-Ah!
-That's in.
Pull it out.
Oh!
[ laughter ]
Oh, shit.
Oh, I feel it.
Yeah...
Have fun with that one,
toy machine.
[ laughter ]
♪ raw oysters, texas pete
♪ sea urchin on the reef
♪ sour cheeseburger
man: Oh!
♪ bit to eat
♪ lick butter goes with keef
man: Oh!
♪ into the cocoa leaf
♪ fresh maggots on my teeth
aah!
Aah!
♪ they're cheap
♪ oh, baby
♪
Whoo!
♪
Time to make some pancakes
for mother dearest.
Lutheran: So we met zack.
He graciously offered up
his house,
And we had to cook for his mom.
Pancakes went down.
You got to feel bad for her.
Like, I'm thinking of my mom.
Like, it would be really tough
to bring in a bunch of skaters
You don't know in the middle
of the night.
The hospitality was great.
[ whistles ]
-How is it?
-It's very good.
[ chuckles ]
♪
♪ it all started
at 5 years old ♪
♪ getting mad,
running away from home ♪
♪ running wild
the whole day long ♪
Man: We just rolled up
to mt. Shasta city.
Here we go.
We got our challenge as
"the kindness of strangers".
Find a woman who will allow
the entire team
To prepare a meal at her home.
Don't forget to serve
her dessert.
All right.
Let's do it.
Man #2: Yes.
-Mike!
-What?
-The lady over there.
-All right.
Just ask her
about us making dinner.
Don't try to make out
with her.
Yo, can I ask you a question
real quick?
Um, we're crossing
the country,
And every single city
that we get,
We get a crazy
challenge in.
Do you know what thrasher
magazine is, by any chance?
And we have to
find someone to let us
Make them dinner
at their house.
Where?
In the black car?
-Yeah.
-It's weird.
Yeah, I know.
Like, we're like, "oh, my god.
That might be
really hard."
Uh, I wouldn't mind it,
but, uh, not today.
[ laughs ]
-oh, really?
Okay.
How's it going?
All right.
Sorry.
[ laughs ]
that's okay.
Thanks.
This could take a while.
We might spend the night
in shasta tonight
If we can't fucking get it.
It's worth 100 points.
We have to do it, so...
God damn it.
Really?
I'm just gonna tell her
that we're coming.
Man: Yes, aaron!
♪
Oh, shit.
♪ if we should meet again
Man #2: Weed, baby.
Smoke some weed.
♪ depending on where...
At some point, like, one of
the roads along here
Is called highway number 420.
♪ I would hold you
in my arms ♪
There's a lady right there,
but she looks...
So what do we do?
Let's go talk to some chicks.
We got this.
First try, all day.
♪
We got somewhere to cook!
Sam, this is maggee.
Hi, maggee.
I'm sam.
We're gonna be cooking
for her.
How far are you
from here?
-Oh, about 10 minutes.
-Okay.
Not very far.
Go ahead and go
and we'll meet you there?
Sure.
Hope you're hungry.
She has purple hair.
She looked really nice,
So I was like,
"this is probably the one."
♪ ...This neighborhood
[ chimes tinkling ]
I'm down for a cooking lesson.
Let's get to work immediately.
Boiling water.
[ dogs barking ]
There are little
fucking puppies.
Grab the groceries, guys.
Thanks for having us.
Justin came and said you guys
were looking for a girl
To go to their house and cook
lunch for her,
And, lo and behold, a group
of amazing men showed up.
Hello, doggies!
We've been missing our dogs,
So we're, like, ready
to see some pups.
-Oh, good.
-Yeah. Super excited.
Come on, guys.
Let's go make some dinner.
Come on.
[ barking continues ]
Oh, what a beautiful house.
[ growling ]
♪ love if we should meet
Do you want to get this, johnny?
Me and you?
Yeah.
All right.
And you open that bacon.
Fry up the bacon
so it's very crunchy.
-Whatcha cooking?
-[ laughs ]
We're cooking some delicious
[italian accent] rigatoni.
-[italian accent] rigatoni.
-Like carbonara romana.
So, rigatoni with eggs and bacon
and black pepper.
Little bit of shallots
and pecorino romano cheese.
Yum.
Best meal of the trip.
Thanks for the challenge.
-It will be very tasty.
-Let's do it right.
Chocolate is gourmet,
Because birdhouse is gonna be
like douche-bag food.
♪
I'm making pizzas.
♪
No.
It's a lot of fun, though.
We got some mushrooms,
some garlic,
Spinach, artichoke hearts.
Oh, I love
artichoke hearts.
All right, so we're going
artichoke hearts for sure.
And light on the garlic.
-Wash your hands.
-I already did wash them.
You did?
Well, then just touch it.
Man: Should probably
wash them again.
Fuck you guys.
Just like tricks.
We do our tricks.
Poop in the van.
[ chuckling ]
that was one, too.
Well, okay.
Is it butt chugging?
Can you tell me
what butt chugging is?
Oh, my god.
Do I want to know
what butt chugging is?
You don't want to know
what butt chugging is.
Not before dinner,
at least.
Yeah.
I'm not sure I'd let
a child of mine
Go on a skate tour
like this.
Why not?
Yeah, we have have
so much fun.
I don't know.
♪
-Has this ever happened before?
-Uh, yeah. No.
[ both laugh ]
We're getting close.
[ mimics whisking ]
I'll show you in one second.
It's like when you're
fingering a girl,
You go in one rotation for
five minutes, then you stop.
You start going the other
rotation, and she goes crazy.
Looking good, guys.
No, try it. You try it.
You're the cook.
Wow.
Fucking good.
This is strong. What is it?
Man:
That one's looking good.
-Meal is served!
-Beautiful.
Yummy.
Thank you.
-Cheers!
-Cheers.
Yum.
Cheesy.
-[ speaks indistinctly ]
-Hey!
-[ laughs ]
Please.
This is for you.
Serve up, here.
Serve up.
And thank you guys for coming.
Oh, my god, what a treat.
-Thank you.
-This is so much fun.
[ laughs ]
It looks delicious.
That's straight from italia
right there.
Oh, man.
This is fantastic.
-Is it?
-Oh, my god.
Thank you, elijah.
Thank you, johnny jones.
Man: This is actually
the best meal
That we'll probably have
on this trip.
[ chuckles ]
Mm.
Wow.
Challenge complete.
♪
Hold the sign up.
Hold the sign up.
♪
[ squeals ]
♪
[ indistinct talking ]
We need one more.
Hey, we need a couple more
things, if you don't mind.
Okay.
You got to twerk while we do
a trick over you.
Yeah?
-Yeah.
Perfect.
I thought we were
in tweakerville.
It turns out we're
in twerkerville.
[ laughs ]
Face shot for him,
butt shot for her.
Sinclair: This is the closest
that our filmer, ryan lee,
Has ever been to bare ass,
I think, in public.
[ laughter ]
You might want to
confiscate his footage,
Actually,
before it goes missing.
-[ chuckles ]
-all right.
Start twerking now.
-Okay.
[ rock music playing ]
-Oh! So close.
-Should I try with height?
-Yeah!
-Twerk. Twerk.
[ laughter ]
♪
Got a great chance
of winning that one.
Oh, shit!
Hell, yeah.
Case: Next one is --
at least three team riders
Must jump the gap
out of the bowl
In a train while a fourth does a
trick on the deck beneath them.
All right.
Let's do it.
[ speaks indistinctly ]
♪
Collin had an idea to grind the
rack that's on top of the van.
Air rock the grind.
Fuck no.
What does this count for?
Just phelper's delight.
Phelper's choice is make me
get out of my chair,
Jump up and down,
and say "fuck, yeah!
That's the shit I want to see!"
♪
'cause I've seen a lot
in 40 years of skateboarding.
So when I finally do get
something comes my way
And I'm, like, hyped on it,
that's, like, heaven.
Fuck you, motherfucker!
-Holy shit.
-What?!
You think he lands it
next try?
I bet five bucks --
next try.
Man: No!
You will gamble until
the fucking bank is broke.
$40 -- this try.
Yeah, come on!
Ow-ow!
You motherfucker.
Also, betting against
your teammates -- real sick.
You're the one that fucking
started it.
Whoo!
[ cheers and applause ]
Yeah, dog!
-Yes, sir.
-That-a-boy.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Champion.
Fucking hurts so bad.
Man: Raven's mom's
bringing the fins.
What can we --
what can we do before 3:00?
Smyth: We have the meet up at
3:00, so we're hoping to maybe,
Like, squeak in some points
before the meet-up.
First couple days
you get fired up, like,
"oh, we're crushing
so much stuff,"
But was all, like, the stuff
that was within reach.
Points are gonna be, like,
fewer and far-er between.
It's definitely
one of those days
Where you're kind of hoping to
knock out some challenges
While you're in the car.
Maybe elijah's
gonna take a shit.
We'll see.
Got it?
Vitetta:
Hey, can we open all the windows
and the a/c super cold?
♪
I'll -- I'll keep circling
around till you're done.
Let me a do a white balance
on your butt.
I'm gonna be right here.
Yeah.
Man: All right, yeah.
Let's go.
Let's fucking do this.
Man #2: Vit, that's a little
fucking close, dude.
That's my asshole, dude.
-Yeah, that's fine.
Get that fucking shit
out of here.
I'm not doing that if that's
that fucking close.
Gonna break
your fucking fisheye.
Then do it.
It's not mine. It's rental.
I can't fucking do it.
Vitetta's got the camera
in my fucking face.
Vitetta: And what I'm supposed
to fucking supposed to do?
Film it, like, from here?
Oh, with the x-rays.
-What, is it not happening?
-No!
I can't fucking do it.
Man:
Do whatever you want, dude.
[ laughter ]
♪ got no reservations
Going to sf,
pick up a mystery guest
Who can hopefully do all
the shit we can't do.
'cause I'm really sore.
♪ two lights burning
-All right.
-[ laughs ]
So...
Yeah, sure.
♪ scream if you want it,
lust could lead to ecstasy ♪
[ bell dings ]
♪ howl if you got it
♪ girl, crawl up
on next to me ♪
♪ well I'll take her,
good gracious ♪
♪ I'd make her
Vitetta: How beautiful
is san francisco?
-Ain't it gorgeous?
-It's incredible.
Best city in the world.
Beautiful.
♪ as the beat goes on
♪ it goes on and on and on
and on and on and on and on ♪
Whoa!
[ laughs ]
Hey, should we get a shot of you
and your mom?
Dawn: I got a call
this morning, like,
"hey, mom,
what are you doing today?"
And he said, "well, you want
to meet us in san fran
And go with us in the van
for eight hours?"
She's my mom, dawn.
She's here to join us
in the van for the day.
I'm kind of been a skate-mom
for a long time,
And raven has a lot of friends,
And I love hanging out
with them, and I'm stoked.
[ cheering ]
Let's get it.
Let's do it, folks.
There was another challenge
that was a heel flip
Wearing swim fins, so I brought
the swim fins up from home.
-Oh, fuck!
-[ chuckles ]
-Oh!
-Yeah.
[ applause ]
[ speaks italian ]
-Let's do this.
-Okay.
Vitetta: She's on.
-Hey, sammy.
-Hey, hey.
Good to see you.
-Good to see you.
♪ down, down with your luck
♪ and it's all in vain
♪ all the shame and the agony
♪ turn, turn is a twisted
and life's not what it seems ♪
All right, everybody.
Get your cameras ready.
This year, we're meeting up
at thrasher headquarters
In san francisco, california.
And that's where
they're gonna find out
Who their mystery guest is.
-What up, axel?
-What's up, boys?
How are you, brother?
Hey.
What?
No, man.
The girls are loving it, man.
Yeah, I'm fucking psyched.
Halfway point.
Time to get it.
Burnett: Halfway through,
the teams are kind of worn out,
Maybe somebody's hurt.
You need a little bit of a --
of an extra lift.
Each team is assigned
a special mystery guest
Who we fly in to join the team.
All right, you guys.
It's time.
You'll be there.
I'll be peeking out,
And I'll go --
I'll send the guy out.
The theme this year
for mystery guest
Was "blast from the past".
Each of these guys are either
ex-team riders,
Guys who tried
to get on the team.
Now he's in the van.
Check, check!
These nuts.
These nuts.
All right, you guys.
2015 king of the road thrasher
fucking magazine!
This is the halfway.
This is where you guys are gonna
get your mystery guests
That are gonna help you out
for more points.
So take care of them.
All right?
Spank them
if they get out of line.
Whatever you got to do.
So you guys ready?
[ cheering ]
all right.
We got chocolate mystery guest.
Hopefully you got someone good.
Oh!
-Oh, shit!
-Wow.
-Oh, my god.
-Jereme rogers!
-Holy shit!
This is your hookup
right here.
In god we trust!
I don't know about the looks
of that, but all right.
Warning --
please do not attempt --
Wait. Please do not attempt.
All right.
Next up, we got
chocolate mystery guest.
Hopefully you got someone good.
Oh!
-Oh, shit!
Vanilla ice --
I mean, jereme rogers!
Oh, my god.
Make him feel welcome!
Sherm!
-What up?
-What's up, jereme?
Rogers: I was on girl, which is
the parent company to chocolate.
They're both, like,
some of the hardest
To get on and some of
the hardest to turn pro on.
-How old are you?
-16.
And where are you from, again,
you little bastard?
Boston.
Burnett: He was one of the best
new kids out of the east coast.
His dream came true.
He got on girl skateboards.
Even though he was welcomed
into the girl-chocolate family
With open arms, he became
estranged from them.
He's been sort of a fringy
character since then.
Rogers: Had a bug to make music,
which I never had before.
At 25, I retired for some time,
for about a year,
To work on music.
♪ "s" on my chest,
take shots like love ♪
♪ haters all pissed
I squish like bugs ♪
Most people hated it,
which is cool.
I respect that.
Even if I was the worst artist,
I wanted to at least be that.
It afforded me a certain peace
and a freedom,
So I wouldn't give back
anything for that. You know?
♪ coffin
Give us a little rap real quick?
Just a little one?
-Holy shit.
-Oh, my god.
I'm gonna have
a heart attack.
[ laughs ]
Oh, fuck.
Next up,
toy machine mystery guest.
Who we got?
Who do you guys got?
[ cheering ]
Man: Forrest!
Whoa!
That's what's up!
-Toy machine.
-Come on home.
-There you go.
-Yeah, player.
Carpenter: We're all friends
with him already,
And it's just sick that
he's on the trip with us now.
There's, like, so many tricks
in the book
I'm already thinking about
for him.
He's gonna do good.
Burnett: Forrest never actually
rode for toy machine,
But he really wanted
to get on the team.
He's a little unhinged.
Edwards:
King of the road is insane.
There's probably some challenges
I won't do,
But I plan on doing everything
I can.
I'm gonna eat my own shit
to help the team win.
We got forrest, man.
He's a toy machine super-fan,
and he's an amazing skater.
Really excited to be here
and skate with all these guys.
For the last --
birdhouse mystery guest.
Let's see what we got.
[ cheering ]
Heath kirchart.
There you go!
[ speaking indistinctly ]
Welcome.
On like donkey kong.
-Just like that.
-You guys are set up.
Burnett: Nothing against
sherm and forrest,
But heath kirchart
is a birdhouse legend.
♪
He was the first guy to do a lot
Of really gnarly
handrail tricks.
He's known for eating shit
and liking it.
♪
And the idea that one of
the most beloved skaters
Would get in the van
for king of the road --
I can't believe it.
-Fuck those guys.
-Hell, yeah.
-I'm psyched.
-Super psyched.
Super hyped we didn't get
jereme rogers,
And even more psyched
that we got heath kirchart.
-Yeah.
-Fucking legend.
I'm probably not
gonna get a tattoo.
Probably not gonna make out
with 50 women.
Probably not gonna
skateboard naked.
Everybody's gonna start trying,
like, heavy shit.
So it'll be good
to have him there.
I'm probably handicapping them.
Let the games begin!
Get it! Get it!
♪
All right.
We're out.
♪ got the shivers
and I got the shakes ♪
let's go beat these fuckers.
♪ my heart beats
and my body aches ♪
♪ I'm gonna die out here
We're gonna get there,
I'm gonna run these guys through
the routine real fast,
And then we're just gonna wait
for the dudes.
It's all in the reveal.
You got to let people
get surprised
Each step of the way, hopefully.
♪ I'm gonna die out here
See where you can see,
like, the top?
Yeah.
It's about right there.
Okay.
It's not that far, but it's
far enough, you know?
Yeah. Awesome.
♪
♪ on the dance floor
they're bleeding to death ♪
[ sing-song voice ]
this is gonna be nuts.
You guys ready
for a fucking battle?
You got everybody?
The three mystery guests,
step up.
And you get that.
Get in the van
and get up the hill.
He's telling you
to get in the van.
Yeah, get in the fucking van.
You ever heard that?
That's almost
kind of like jail.
Okay.
All right.
I need all you guys
on the sides
So we can check this shit out.
Dixon: Oh, there's definitely
gonna be some sort of race
Down this hill, for sure.
Might not be on skateboards.
Burnett: We did a la-z-boy race
a few years ago.
It was a laugh riot.
Yeah!
[ laughter ]
So it's like, "what can we do
to raise the stakes on that?"
Let's do toilet boards.
-Are we taking a piss?
-Yeah.
♪ making a mess
are you serious?
What do you think about this,
forrest?
You ever skated
on a toilet?
No.
Only in my dreams.
♪ somebody let me in
Pick out your toilet
and we'll get started.
You guys ready?
On your mark, get set, go!
♪
Oh!
Oh!
-Whoa.
-Yikes.
Jesus christ.
-Dude!
-[ grunts ]
[ indistinct shouting ]
Man: Oh!
Jesus christ.
You're kidding me.
[ indistinct shouting ]
And chocolate won
in first place!
Where the fuck is forrest?
You guys were all going
at the same time?
-We all went...
-So you won!
We all -- yeah.
[ laughter ]
Man:
Look how far ahead he is.
This doesn't look good.
We only had one man come out
of the three-man race.
You all right?
I mean, it's got to fucking --
I can't feel it.
It's just numb.
-You all right?
-No, man.
I just accidentally
hit him, dude.
Oh, shit.
Oh, fuck, dude!
I thought he was,
like, dead.
Are you all right?
Yeah.
I've got a thick skull,
I'm pretty sure.
Fuck.
I almost had a heart attack.
I thought they were gonna, like,
put their legs out
And steady themselves,
but 15 seconds into it,
They just get speed wobbles
and then just fucking,
Like, it was like
slow-motion disaster.
It was terrible.
This whole time I'm like,
I'm setting up all this stuff
thinking I'm funny,
And, dude, when that fucking
bowl connected
With the back of his dome, I was
just like, "okay, that's it.
I just killed heath kirchart."
I ran up there ready to see,
like, brains.
Yeah, took one right
to the back of the head.
-It's all good, dude.
-Sorry.
Nothing to be
sorry about.
That went poorly.
There's a lot of things
in "king of the road"
That seem like a good idea
on paper...
Do it again, I think
I would've slowed down.
-Right?
-[ chuckles ]
...And then,
actually set into motion,
It's really dangerous
and stupid.
Terrible. Terrible.
I can safely say we will never
Have a toilet-bowl race
on "king of the road" again.
-You think he's okay?
-Yeah.
Oh, my god!
Can we see what happened?
Damn.
-Got a little chunky.
-Oh, wow.
Well, you might need a couple
stitches in there.
Dawn:
Who's got the first-aid kit?
Rogers: Yeah, do we have
the first-aid kit?
Put the triple-sporin on it,
and then put the band-aid.
-Yeah.
-I can do it.
There you go.
Yeah, thank you.
Perfect.
Road tested.
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
Fucking, see, stitches already.
People fucking crashing.
I love it.
Burnett: Everybody.
You guys ready?
We got some new shit this year
for king of the road: Sf.
The bounty.
This is shit we've always wanted
To see go down in this town.
It's 100 points each.
First come, first served.
We're gonna have a group text
With all the team managers.
First person to post
that footage
To the group text
gets the points.
All right?
All right, thanks, everybody.
[ applause ]
Get it, get it, get it!
♪
♪ this town, this town,
this town on fire ♪
♪ this town, this town
is burning hot ♪
Burnett: The bounty is a
brand-new idea for this year.
These are famous spots
around town,
And we are demanding specific
tricks on these spots.
Oh, shit.
Here we go.
3rd and army -- 50/50 to big
spin out around the curve.
Caveman darkslide half-flip
out on clipper.
Get a trick on this drop-down
kinker rail,
The one that
daniel dubois 50'd.
Should we do go keyzar?
So, everyone's gonna see
what happens in real time.
Whoever can send me
the footage back
On the group text
gets the points.
It'll honestly be a test
of who knows the roads
And who can get there soonest.
Man: We're on a race
through the city.
Yep.
This is how we get there.
-[ laughs ]
-exactly, right?
♪ this town is burning hot
♪ this town, this town
is going down, down, down ♪
All right.
♪ bring it all down
♪ down the coast with the lord,
god, and the holy ghost ♪
-All right, eli.
-Hurry up.
♪ this town, this town
is going down ♪
[ indistinct talking ]
Uh-oh.
I think it's birdhouse.
Fuck them.
That's clive, right?
Burnett:
It's pretty farfetched
That you would actually compete
at a spot.
That kind of behavior
is highly frowned upon.
Man: Go, eli!
So this is kind of weird
and jock-ish,
But, uh,
we'll see what happens.
♪ this town, this town,
this town's on fire ♪
♪ this town, this town
is burning hot ♪
♪ this town, this town
is going down, down, down ♪
♪ this town, this town,
this town's on fire ♪
♪ this town, this town
is burning hot ♪
Oh, yeah!
We got to put it
on this group text.
Hell, yeah.
Send it, send it.
Look, 3rd and army.
Done.
-Who did it?
-Elijah.
Ooh.
[ laughs ]
Hell, no.
I'm gonna put,
"hell, no."
Okay.
First video coming in.
Yep. I'd call that
sloppy but good.
Not the prettiest thing
in the world,
But, uh, I think they got
the points.
People are gonna be pissed.
Man:
Burnett says "sloppy but good".
-We're good!
-Yeah.
-Let's fucking go.
-All right.
On to the next.
Where should we go?
Man #3: Bye-bye.
Yep. Turn around.
-They were scared.
[ laughs ]
♪ sign on the subway says
the world's almost over ♪
♪ call up your loved ones,
tell 'em it's begun ♪
♪ can't read the signal,
better get yourself a guru ♪
No space we ride.
♪ get with the times
and get yourself a gun ♪
♪ things getting weird
in the 21st century ♪
We're gonna let billy
judge this one.
♪ hard to tell the disaster
from the crime ♪
♪ pedal to the metal
in the 21st century ♪
Man: Fuck that.
They didn't slide or grind
or anything.
[ chuckles ]
Elijah's was sloppy,
but they counted it.
Birdhouse is on some bullshit.
Burnett: This is a classic case
of some point grubbing,
Which is strictly forbidden
in the book,
But yeah, a lot of times
people will say,
"well, we -- we skated it."
Yeah, this is not
what I had in mind.
-So, did that count?
-No, they're not counting that.
"if anyone wants to make
a better effort at keyzar,
I'd encourage them to do so."
Man: Hey, you guys
need to do it better.
♪ that's a secret
I don't want to hold ♪
♪ I don't know why I get
so distracted ♪
♪ can't look away,
I guess I'm not that kind ♪
♪ gettin kinda hectic
in the 21st century ♪
All right, let's do this.
Right here.
♪ getting faster all the time
♪ yet you are all
♪ that I got in my mind
whoo!
Send it right now.
♪ the rest doesn't matter
That's a make.
♪ if you will be mine
♪ they can take what they...
The next sf bounty spot is this
crazy drop-down kink rail.
It's a double-kink rail,
But it's got, like, a drop
right after the flat part.
Although a kid skated it
recently,
Before that, the only guy who'd
ever stepped to this thing
Was mark gonzales,
Who did it in a 60/40 commercial
in the '90s.
All san francisco spots
are kind of sketchy,
But this is very dangerous.
Considering only two people
have ever skated this,
If somebody gets a trick,
that'd be really good.
Whew!
[ sighs ]
-it's all right.
You got it out of
the way now.
Right?
This thing is stunt.
♪
[ cheering ]
Whoo!
Yeah, baby.
Got to the bottom.
I think he's got it.
[ all groaning,
scattered clapping ]
Fuck, dude.
I had it, too.
Man: Come on, dude!
He's got it, for sure.
[ groaning
and scattered clapping ]
Oh, my god.
Fuck, dude.
I had it, too.
Look at my fucking leg.
What is that, daniel?
I don't know.
I've never seen it, though.
I, like, can't really flex
my leg too much, so...
Is it just stuck?
Dude, don't.
I'm sorry.
It's so gnarly.
Like, my leg is --
it's like an avocado.
Is it?
I mean...
It looks like one,
I don't know.
It's hard.
Like, I've never
seen anything
Like that in my life,
actually.
Dan lu took one
all the way down,
Came up a little short.
He kind of stuck, flew out,
bashed his leg.
It's feeling a little rough.
He's gonna be fine.
I just think
it's one of those things,
Just hits it so hard
it swells up,
So we're gonna get him
taken care of.
But we're not --
don't count us out yet.
Fuck, dude.
We almost had,
just like a street clip.
What the fuck?
-Ohh.
Only thing left to do is get
the, uh, clipper, blake.
You got a caveman fucking
darkslide half-flip out?
-Maybe.
-Maybe?
-Let's go to clipper.
-All right. Let's go there.
♪
Burnett:
With the sf bounties,
We're also going
to send them to clipper.
It's a super iconic spot.
Clipper.
Burnett:
It's appeared on the cover
Of thrasheseveral times,
And there's a rumor they're
gonna tear it out soon,
So we want to at least send
The king of the road teams there
one more time.
Dude, that shit
is not gonna go.
You got to do a caveman
darkslide half-flip out,
Which is a stupid trick.
And with it being
such a dumb trick,
You could still get fucked up
doing it.
It's not like they can just
do it and it's easy.
It's, like, it's hard to do.
♪
Yes.
-Whoo!
Come on!
♪
♪ always were the bitch
♪ always coming late
♪ playing like a shithead
[ cheering and howling ]
Fuck, yes.
I'm sending that shit.
All right.
Looks like we got the clipper.
♪ but you never held the gun
toy machine.
♪ no brains, no balls
Uh, that's a little sketchy,
but...Two feet on.
It's a make.
♪ no brains, no balls
-burnett says it's a make.
Make!
[ cheering ]
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
Blake's killing it.
[ engine revs ]
♪
Man:
Clive's gonna skate the rail
To try to get
this 100 points first.
♪ always were the bitch
Yeah, clive.
♪ the victim every time
They picked some weird spots
for this, man.
Yeah, they did.
♪ a rotten piece of slime
♪ you never wanted
to be the one ♪
Man: Yeah, clive.
Right here, dude.
♪ always letting someone
hold the gun ♪
♪ no brains, no balls
♪ I'll stand by
and watch you fall ♪
[ speaks indistinctly ]
♪ no brains, no balls
♪ I'll stand by
and watch you fall ♪
♪ no brains, no balls
♪ I wanna see you die
like a dog ♪
♪ you dumb motherfucker
[ man chuckles ]
♪
Man #2: Oh, man.
Fuck, man.
[ whistles ]
-Fuck, man.
-[ whistles ]
God.
The is a double-whammy fucker.
[ groans ]
-My finger's kind of gnarly.
-Bandage that up, for sure.
Duct tape
that shit closed.
Fucking collar bone's
swelling up,
But it's obviously not broken,
or else...
Yeah, you wouldn't be able
to move it.
♪
You got it. Hey.
Don't apologize.
♪ I know I shouldn't
-eli, you're fucking gnarly.
♪ call you at home
That was a heavy slam.
I didn't even see it, really.
I just saw you disappear.
I was scared.
Yeah, me too.
Freaked out.
-Did you film elijah?
-Yeah.
-How bad was it?
-He went down hard.
He was bleeding.
Is it worse than getting hit
in the head with a toilet?
♪ destiny
It's all good, dude.
That was gnarly.
Lovell:
No one wants to die.
Dan lu, elijah both got
completely smoked,
So it's like, it's not worth it.
We can go get 150 points,
like, anytime.
This isn't worth it.
Peace.
-Dude, you're pretty good, dude.
-[ laughs ]
-I think we should mic him up.
I think we should
mic you up, dude.
♪ understand when you
were almost mine ♪
And my car's still
right there.
♪ she's got your name
The van has been great.
They've been very polite.
They gave me a lot of space.
-You want a bite?
-No, thanks.
You're sweet.
I think they might be
a little tired,
Maybe waiting for a second wind.
♪ late at night...
Yeah, she helped us out.
She kept the vibes high
in the van.
What's that?
Oh, weed.
Trees.
Trees.
Little trees.
Trees!
Little trees.
Dawn: I've been here
for eight hours.
I got here
a little before 2:00,
And now it's almost
after 10:00.
Love you, too.
♪ she's got you
-thanks for coming.
-Bye, elijah.
-See ya.
-Take care.
-See you soon.
-Thanks for joining us.
-Bye, you guys. Thank you.
♪
[ whistling ]
Carpenter:
It's 45 degrees out.
This fool, axel, is shirtless.
He's gonna 50 grind this rail.
That's as many as his age.
[ creaking ]
Axel.
20.
♪
♪ civilization's dying
-[ laughs ]
♪ and no one's realizing
♪ the position of hate
stuck inside the gun ♪
♪ civilization's crying
[ groaning ]
♪ and I won't try to deny it
♪ we got a problem son
oof!
♪ something's gotta be done
Oh, shit.
He has a hole in his hip.
He has a hole in his hip.
♪ they know it ain't no fun
to get shot with a gun ♪
♪ civilization's dying
♪ and no one's realizing
[ cheering ]
♪ the position of hate
stuck inside the gun ♪
♪ civilization's crying
Kid is back!
Kid is back!
♪ we got a problem, son,
something's gotta be done ♪
♪ with the pope
and the president ♪
♪ and the big rockstar
who made a lot of money ♪
[ cheering ]
♪ they know it ain't no fun
to get shot with a gun ♪
♪
He got his face pierced,
♪ civilization's dying
♪ and no one's realizing
♪ did the gnarliest 50 to smith
on a double-kink rail ♪
♪
Did the 21-stair.
[ howling ]
All three of those equaled
the same amount of points
I'm gonna get when I take a shit
in the van.
It doesn't really make sense.
But I will always take the shit
before jumping on all this.
[ top pops ]
On the next
"king of the road"...
Where you at?
Oh! There we go!
Shit!
So we're gonna be dressed up
in all this fucked up attire.
King of the road, baby!
♪
[ shouts indistinctly ]
♪
Just take a shit.
All right.
You guys are all fucked.
[ laughter ]
Aah!
Check!
Sinclair:
He has a hole in his hip.
-It's a hole.
-That big.
---
Please do not attempt to perform
any of these stunts
Or activities in this show.
They are super dangerous,
crazy, wild, dangerous.
The stunts seen are either
performed by professionals
Or under the supervision
of professionals,
Serious professionals.
This show also
contains bad language.
[ birds chirping ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
All right.
Here we go.
-Oh, no.
-God damn it.
[ laughs ]
Oh!
[ chatter and laughing ]
Oh, my god.
Oh, it's spilling out.
-Oh, now it's in. It's in.
-It's in.
-Is it going down?
-Yeah!
You're doing it.
Oh, that feels fucking weird.
[ chanting "chug! Chug!" ]
-Ah!
-That's in.
Pull it out.
Oh!
[ laughter ]
Oh, shit.
Oh, I feel it.
Yeah...
Have fun with that one,
toy machine.
[ laughter ]
♪ raw oysters, texas pete
♪ sea urchin on the reef
♪ sour cheeseburger
man: Oh!
♪ bit to eat
♪ lick butter goes with keef
man: Oh!
♪ into the cocoa leaf
♪ fresh maggots on my teeth
aah!
Aah!
♪ they're cheap
♪ oh, baby
♪
Whoo!
♪
Time to make some pancakes
for mother dearest.
Lutheran: So we met zack.
He graciously offered up
his house,
And we had to cook for his mom.
Pancakes went down.
You got to feel bad for her.
Like, I'm thinking of my mom.
Like, it would be really tough
to bring in a bunch of skaters
You don't know in the middle
of the night.
The hospitality was great.
[ whistles ]
-How is it?
-It's very good.
[ chuckles ]
♪
♪ it all started
at 5 years old ♪
♪ getting mad,
running away from home ♪
♪ running wild
the whole day long ♪
Man: We just rolled up
to mt. Shasta city.
Here we go.
We got our challenge as
"the kindness of strangers".
Find a woman who will allow
the entire team
To prepare a meal at her home.
Don't forget to serve
her dessert.
All right.
Let's do it.
Man #2: Yes.
-Mike!
-What?
-The lady over there.
-All right.
Just ask her
about us making dinner.
Don't try to make out
with her.
Yo, can I ask you a question
real quick?
Um, we're crossing
the country,
And every single city
that we get,
We get a crazy
challenge in.
Do you know what thrasher
magazine is, by any chance?
And we have to
find someone to let us
Make them dinner
at their house.
Where?
In the black car?
-Yeah.
-It's weird.
Yeah, I know.
Like, we're like, "oh, my god.
That might be
really hard."
Uh, I wouldn't mind it,
but, uh, not today.
[ laughs ]
-oh, really?
Okay.
How's it going?
All right.
Sorry.
[ laughs ]
that's okay.
Thanks.
This could take a while.
We might spend the night
in shasta tonight
If we can't fucking get it.
It's worth 100 points.
We have to do it, so...
God damn it.
Really?
I'm just gonna tell her
that we're coming.
Man: Yes, aaron!
♪
Oh, shit.
♪ if we should meet again
Man #2: Weed, baby.
Smoke some weed.
♪ depending on where...
At some point, like, one of
the roads along here
Is called highway number 420.
♪ I would hold you
in my arms ♪
There's a lady right there,
but she looks...
So what do we do?
Let's go talk to some chicks.
We got this.
First try, all day.
♪
We got somewhere to cook!
Sam, this is maggee.
Hi, maggee.
I'm sam.
We're gonna be cooking
for her.
How far are you
from here?
-Oh, about 10 minutes.
-Okay.
Not very far.
Go ahead and go
and we'll meet you there?
Sure.
Hope you're hungry.
She has purple hair.
She looked really nice,
So I was like,
"this is probably the one."
♪ ...This neighborhood
[ chimes tinkling ]
I'm down for a cooking lesson.
Let's get to work immediately.
Boiling water.
[ dogs barking ]
There are little
fucking puppies.
Grab the groceries, guys.
Thanks for having us.
Justin came and said you guys
were looking for a girl
To go to their house and cook
lunch for her,
And, lo and behold, a group
of amazing men showed up.
Hello, doggies!
We've been missing our dogs,
So we're, like, ready
to see some pups.
-Oh, good.
-Yeah. Super excited.
Come on, guys.
Let's go make some dinner.
Come on.
[ barking continues ]
Oh, what a beautiful house.
[ growling ]
♪ love if we should meet
Do you want to get this, johnny?
Me and you?
Yeah.
All right.
And you open that bacon.
Fry up the bacon
so it's very crunchy.
-Whatcha cooking?
-[ laughs ]
We're cooking some delicious
[italian accent] rigatoni.
-[italian accent] rigatoni.
-Like carbonara romana.
So, rigatoni with eggs and bacon
and black pepper.
Little bit of shallots
and pecorino romano cheese.
Yum.
Best meal of the trip.
Thanks for the challenge.
-It will be very tasty.
-Let's do it right.
Chocolate is gourmet,
Because birdhouse is gonna be
like douche-bag food.
♪
I'm making pizzas.
♪
No.
It's a lot of fun, though.
We got some mushrooms,
some garlic,
Spinach, artichoke hearts.
Oh, I love
artichoke hearts.
All right, so we're going
artichoke hearts for sure.
And light on the garlic.
-Wash your hands.
-I already did wash them.
You did?
Well, then just touch it.
Man: Should probably
wash them again.
Fuck you guys.
Just like tricks.
We do our tricks.
Poop in the van.
[ chuckling ]
that was one, too.
Well, okay.
Is it butt chugging?
Can you tell me
what butt chugging is?
Oh, my god.
Do I want to know
what butt chugging is?
You don't want to know
what butt chugging is.
Not before dinner,
at least.
Yeah.
I'm not sure I'd let
a child of mine
Go on a skate tour
like this.
Why not?
Yeah, we have have
so much fun.
I don't know.
♪
-Has this ever happened before?
-Uh, yeah. No.
[ both laugh ]
We're getting close.
[ mimics whisking ]
I'll show you in one second.
It's like when you're
fingering a girl,
You go in one rotation for
five minutes, then you stop.
You start going the other
rotation, and she goes crazy.
Looking good, guys.
No, try it. You try it.
You're the cook.
Wow.
Fucking good.
This is strong. What is it?
Man:
That one's looking good.
-Meal is served!
-Beautiful.
Yummy.
Thank you.
-Cheers!
-Cheers.
Yum.
Cheesy.
-[ speaks indistinctly ]
-Hey!
-[ laughs ]
Please.
This is for you.
Serve up, here.
Serve up.
And thank you guys for coming.
Oh, my god, what a treat.
-Thank you.
-This is so much fun.
[ laughs ]
It looks delicious.
That's straight from italia
right there.
Oh, man.
This is fantastic.
-Is it?
-Oh, my god.
Thank you, elijah.
Thank you, johnny jones.
Man: This is actually
the best meal
That we'll probably have
on this trip.
[ chuckles ]
Mm.
Wow.
Challenge complete.
♪
Hold the sign up.
Hold the sign up.
♪
[ squeals ]
♪
[ indistinct talking ]
We need one more.
Hey, we need a couple more
things, if you don't mind.
Okay.
You got to twerk while we do
a trick over you.
Yeah?
-Yeah.
Perfect.
I thought we were
in tweakerville.
It turns out we're
in twerkerville.
[ laughs ]
Face shot for him,
butt shot for her.
Sinclair: This is the closest
that our filmer, ryan lee,
Has ever been to bare ass,
I think, in public.
[ laughter ]
You might want to
confiscate his footage,
Actually,
before it goes missing.
-[ chuckles ]
-all right.
Start twerking now.
-Okay.
[ rock music playing ]
-Oh! So close.
-Should I try with height?
-Yeah!
-Twerk. Twerk.
[ laughter ]
♪
Got a great chance
of winning that one.
Oh, shit!
Hell, yeah.
Case: Next one is --
at least three team riders
Must jump the gap
out of the bowl
In a train while a fourth does a
trick on the deck beneath them.
All right.
Let's do it.
[ speaks indistinctly ]
♪
Collin had an idea to grind the
rack that's on top of the van.
Air rock the grind.
Fuck no.
What does this count for?
Just phelper's delight.
Phelper's choice is make me
get out of my chair,
Jump up and down,
and say "fuck, yeah!
That's the shit I want to see!"
♪
'cause I've seen a lot
in 40 years of skateboarding.
So when I finally do get
something comes my way
And I'm, like, hyped on it,
that's, like, heaven.
Fuck you, motherfucker!
-Holy shit.
-What?!
You think he lands it
next try?
I bet five bucks --
next try.
Man: No!
You will gamble until
the fucking bank is broke.
$40 -- this try.
Yeah, come on!
Ow-ow!
You motherfucker.
Also, betting against
your teammates -- real sick.
You're the one that fucking
started it.
Whoo!
[ cheers and applause ]
Yeah, dog!
-Yes, sir.
-That-a-boy.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Champion.
Fucking hurts so bad.
Man: Raven's mom's
bringing the fins.
What can we --
what can we do before 3:00?
Smyth: We have the meet up at
3:00, so we're hoping to maybe,
Like, squeak in some points
before the meet-up.
First couple days
you get fired up, like,
"oh, we're crushing
so much stuff,"
But was all, like, the stuff
that was within reach.
Points are gonna be, like,
fewer and far-er between.
It's definitely
one of those days
Where you're kind of hoping to
knock out some challenges
While you're in the car.
Maybe elijah's
gonna take a shit.
We'll see.
Got it?
Vitetta:
Hey, can we open all the windows
and the a/c super cold?
♪
I'll -- I'll keep circling
around till you're done.
Let me a do a white balance
on your butt.
I'm gonna be right here.
Yeah.
Man: All right, yeah.
Let's go.
Let's fucking do this.
Man #2: Vit, that's a little
fucking close, dude.
That's my asshole, dude.
-Yeah, that's fine.
Get that fucking shit
out of here.
I'm not doing that if that's
that fucking close.
Gonna break
your fucking fisheye.
Then do it.
It's not mine. It's rental.
I can't fucking do it.
Vitetta's got the camera
in my fucking face.
Vitetta: And what I'm supposed
to fucking supposed to do?
Film it, like, from here?
Oh, with the x-rays.
-What, is it not happening?
-No!
I can't fucking do it.
Man:
Do whatever you want, dude.
[ laughter ]
♪ got no reservations
Going to sf,
pick up a mystery guest
Who can hopefully do all
the shit we can't do.
'cause I'm really sore.
♪ two lights burning
-All right.
-[ laughs ]
So...
Yeah, sure.
♪ scream if you want it,
lust could lead to ecstasy ♪
[ bell dings ]
♪ howl if you got it
♪ girl, crawl up
on next to me ♪
♪ well I'll take her,
good gracious ♪
♪ I'd make her
Vitetta: How beautiful
is san francisco?
-Ain't it gorgeous?
-It's incredible.
Best city in the world.
Beautiful.
♪ as the beat goes on
♪ it goes on and on and on
and on and on and on and on ♪
Whoa!
[ laughs ]
Hey, should we get a shot of you
and your mom?
Dawn: I got a call
this morning, like,
"hey, mom,
what are you doing today?"
And he said, "well, you want
to meet us in san fran
And go with us in the van
for eight hours?"
She's my mom, dawn.
She's here to join us
in the van for the day.
I'm kind of been a skate-mom
for a long time,
And raven has a lot of friends,
And I love hanging out
with them, and I'm stoked.
[ cheering ]
Let's get it.
Let's do it, folks.
There was another challenge
that was a heel flip
Wearing swim fins, so I brought
the swim fins up from home.
-Oh, fuck!
-[ chuckles ]
-Oh!
-Yeah.
[ applause ]
[ speaks italian ]
-Let's do this.
-Okay.
Vitetta: She's on.
-Hey, sammy.
-Hey, hey.
Good to see you.
-Good to see you.
♪ down, down with your luck
♪ and it's all in vain
♪ all the shame and the agony
♪ turn, turn is a twisted
and life's not what it seems ♪
All right, everybody.
Get your cameras ready.
This year, we're meeting up
at thrasher headquarters
In san francisco, california.
And that's where
they're gonna find out
Who their mystery guest is.
-What up, axel?
-What's up, boys?
How are you, brother?
Hey.
What?
No, man.
The girls are loving it, man.
Yeah, I'm fucking psyched.
Halfway point.
Time to get it.
Burnett: Halfway through,
the teams are kind of worn out,
Maybe somebody's hurt.
You need a little bit of a --
of an extra lift.
Each team is assigned
a special mystery guest
Who we fly in to join the team.
All right, you guys.
It's time.
You'll be there.
I'll be peeking out,
And I'll go --
I'll send the guy out.
The theme this year
for mystery guest
Was "blast from the past".
Each of these guys are either
ex-team riders,
Guys who tried
to get on the team.
Now he's in the van.
Check, check!
These nuts.
These nuts.
All right, you guys.
2015 king of the road thrasher
fucking magazine!
This is the halfway.
This is where you guys are gonna
get your mystery guests
That are gonna help you out
for more points.
So take care of them.
All right?
Spank them
if they get out of line.
Whatever you got to do.
So you guys ready?
[ cheering ]
all right.
We got chocolate mystery guest.
Hopefully you got someone good.
Oh!
-Oh, shit!
-Wow.
-Oh, my god.
-Jereme rogers!
-Holy shit!
This is your hookup
right here.
In god we trust!
I don't know about the looks
of that, but all right.
Warning --
please do not attempt --
Wait. Please do not attempt.
All right.
Next up, we got
chocolate mystery guest.
Hopefully you got someone good.
Oh!
-Oh, shit!
Vanilla ice --
I mean, jereme rogers!
Oh, my god.
Make him feel welcome!
Sherm!
-What up?
-What's up, jereme?
Rogers: I was on girl, which is
the parent company to chocolate.
They're both, like,
some of the hardest
To get on and some of
the hardest to turn pro on.
-How old are you?
-16.
And where are you from, again,
you little bastard?
Boston.
Burnett: He was one of the best
new kids out of the east coast.
His dream came true.
He got on girl skateboards.
Even though he was welcomed
into the girl-chocolate family
With open arms, he became
estranged from them.
He's been sort of a fringy
character since then.
Rogers: Had a bug to make music,
which I never had before.
At 25, I retired for some time,
for about a year,
To work on music.
♪ "s" on my chest,
take shots like love ♪
♪ haters all pissed
I squish like bugs ♪
Most people hated it,
which is cool.
I respect that.
Even if I was the worst artist,
I wanted to at least be that.
It afforded me a certain peace
and a freedom,
So I wouldn't give back
anything for that. You know?
♪ coffin
Give us a little rap real quick?
Just a little one?
-Holy shit.
-Oh, my god.
I'm gonna have
a heart attack.
[ laughs ]
Oh, fuck.
Next up,
toy machine mystery guest.
Who we got?
Who do you guys got?
[ cheering ]
Man: Forrest!
Whoa!
That's what's up!
-Toy machine.
-Come on home.
-There you go.
-Yeah, player.
Carpenter: We're all friends
with him already,
And it's just sick that
he's on the trip with us now.
There's, like, so many tricks
in the book
I'm already thinking about
for him.
He's gonna do good.
Burnett: Forrest never actually
rode for toy machine,
But he really wanted
to get on the team.
He's a little unhinged.
Edwards:
King of the road is insane.
There's probably some challenges
I won't do,
But I plan on doing everything
I can.
I'm gonna eat my own shit
to help the team win.
We got forrest, man.
He's a toy machine super-fan,
and he's an amazing skater.
Really excited to be here
and skate with all these guys.
For the last --
birdhouse mystery guest.
Let's see what we got.
[ cheering ]
Heath kirchart.
There you go!
[ speaking indistinctly ]
Welcome.
On like donkey kong.
-Just like that.
-You guys are set up.
Burnett: Nothing against
sherm and forrest,
But heath kirchart
is a birdhouse legend.
♪
He was the first guy to do a lot
Of really gnarly
handrail tricks.
He's known for eating shit
and liking it.
♪
And the idea that one of
the most beloved skaters
Would get in the van
for king of the road --
I can't believe it.
-Fuck those guys.
-Hell, yeah.
-I'm psyched.
-Super psyched.
Super hyped we didn't get
jereme rogers,
And even more psyched
that we got heath kirchart.
-Yeah.
-Fucking legend.
I'm probably not
gonna get a tattoo.
Probably not gonna make out
with 50 women.
Probably not gonna
skateboard naked.
Everybody's gonna start trying,
like, heavy shit.
So it'll be good
to have him there.
I'm probably handicapping them.
Let the games begin!
Get it! Get it!
♪
All right.
We're out.
♪ got the shivers
and I got the shakes ♪
let's go beat these fuckers.
♪ my heart beats
and my body aches ♪
♪ I'm gonna die out here
We're gonna get there,
I'm gonna run these guys through
the routine real fast,
And then we're just gonna wait
for the dudes.
It's all in the reveal.
You got to let people
get surprised
Each step of the way, hopefully.
♪ I'm gonna die out here
See where you can see,
like, the top?
Yeah.
It's about right there.
Okay.
It's not that far, but it's
far enough, you know?
Yeah. Awesome.
♪
♪ on the dance floor
they're bleeding to death ♪
[ sing-song voice ]
this is gonna be nuts.
You guys ready
for a fucking battle?
You got everybody?
The three mystery guests,
step up.
And you get that.
Get in the van
and get up the hill.
He's telling you
to get in the van.
Yeah, get in the fucking van.
You ever heard that?
That's almost
kind of like jail.
Okay.
All right.
I need all you guys
on the sides
So we can check this shit out.
Dixon: Oh, there's definitely
gonna be some sort of race
Down this hill, for sure.
Might not be on skateboards.
Burnett: We did a la-z-boy race
a few years ago.
It was a laugh riot.
Yeah!
[ laughter ]
So it's like, "what can we do
to raise the stakes on that?"
Let's do toilet boards.
-Are we taking a piss?
-Yeah.
♪ making a mess
are you serious?
What do you think about this,
forrest?
You ever skated
on a toilet?
No.
Only in my dreams.
♪ somebody let me in
Pick out your toilet
and we'll get started.
You guys ready?
On your mark, get set, go!
♪
Oh!
Oh!
-Whoa.
-Yikes.
Jesus christ.
-Dude!
-[ grunts ]
[ indistinct shouting ]
Man: Oh!
Jesus christ.
You're kidding me.
[ indistinct shouting ]
And chocolate won
in first place!
Where the fuck is forrest?
You guys were all going
at the same time?
-We all went...
-So you won!
We all -- yeah.
[ laughter ]
Man:
Look how far ahead he is.
This doesn't look good.
We only had one man come out
of the three-man race.
You all right?
I mean, it's got to fucking --
I can't feel it.
It's just numb.
-You all right?
-No, man.
I just accidentally
hit him, dude.
Oh, shit.
Oh, fuck, dude!
I thought he was,
like, dead.
Are you all right?
Yeah.
I've got a thick skull,
I'm pretty sure.
Fuck.
I almost had a heart attack.
I thought they were gonna, like,
put their legs out
And steady themselves,
but 15 seconds into it,
They just get speed wobbles
and then just fucking,
Like, it was like
slow-motion disaster.
It was terrible.
This whole time I'm like,
I'm setting up all this stuff
thinking I'm funny,
And, dude, when that fucking
bowl connected
With the back of his dome, I was
just like, "okay, that's it.
I just killed heath kirchart."
I ran up there ready to see,
like, brains.
Yeah, took one right
to the back of the head.
-It's all good, dude.
-Sorry.
Nothing to be
sorry about.
That went poorly.
There's a lot of things
in "king of the road"
That seem like a good idea
on paper...
Do it again, I think
I would've slowed down.
-Right?
-[ chuckles ]
...And then,
actually set into motion,
It's really dangerous
and stupid.
Terrible. Terrible.
I can safely say we will never
Have a toilet-bowl race
on "king of the road" again.
-You think he's okay?
-Yeah.
Oh, my god!
Can we see what happened?
Damn.
-Got a little chunky.
-Oh, wow.
Well, you might need a couple
stitches in there.
Dawn:
Who's got the first-aid kit?
Rogers: Yeah, do we have
the first-aid kit?
Put the triple-sporin on it,
and then put the band-aid.
-Yeah.
-I can do it.
There you go.
Yeah, thank you.
Perfect.
Road tested.
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
Fucking, see, stitches already.
People fucking crashing.
I love it.
Burnett: Everybody.
You guys ready?
We got some new shit this year
for king of the road: Sf.
The bounty.
This is shit we've always wanted
To see go down in this town.
It's 100 points each.
First come, first served.
We're gonna have a group text
With all the team managers.
First person to post
that footage
To the group text
gets the points.
All right?
All right, thanks, everybody.
[ applause ]
Get it, get it, get it!
♪
♪ this town, this town,
this town on fire ♪
♪ this town, this town
is burning hot ♪
Burnett: The bounty is a
brand-new idea for this year.
These are famous spots
around town,
And we are demanding specific
tricks on these spots.
Oh, shit.
Here we go.
3rd and army -- 50/50 to big
spin out around the curve.
Caveman darkslide half-flip
out on clipper.
Get a trick on this drop-down
kinker rail,
The one that
daniel dubois 50'd.
Should we do go keyzar?
So, everyone's gonna see
what happens in real time.
Whoever can send me
the footage back
On the group text
gets the points.
It'll honestly be a test
of who knows the roads
And who can get there soonest.
Man: We're on a race
through the city.
Yep.
This is how we get there.
-[ laughs ]
-exactly, right?
♪ this town is burning hot
♪ this town, this town
is going down, down, down ♪
All right.
♪ bring it all down
♪ down the coast with the lord,
god, and the holy ghost ♪
-All right, eli.
-Hurry up.
♪ this town, this town
is going down ♪
[ indistinct talking ]
Uh-oh.
I think it's birdhouse.
Fuck them.
That's clive, right?
Burnett:
It's pretty farfetched
That you would actually compete
at a spot.
That kind of behavior
is highly frowned upon.
Man: Go, eli!
So this is kind of weird
and jock-ish,
But, uh,
we'll see what happens.
♪ this town, this town,
this town's on fire ♪
♪ this town, this town
is burning hot ♪
♪ this town, this town
is going down, down, down ♪
♪ this town, this town,
this town's on fire ♪
♪ this town, this town
is burning hot ♪
Oh, yeah!
We got to put it
on this group text.
Hell, yeah.
Send it, send it.
Look, 3rd and army.
Done.
-Who did it?
-Elijah.
Ooh.
[ laughs ]
Hell, no.
I'm gonna put,
"hell, no."
Okay.
First video coming in.
Yep. I'd call that
sloppy but good.
Not the prettiest thing
in the world,
But, uh, I think they got
the points.
People are gonna be pissed.
Man:
Burnett says "sloppy but good".
-We're good!
-Yeah.
-Let's fucking go.
-All right.
On to the next.
Where should we go?
Man #3: Bye-bye.
Yep. Turn around.
-They were scared.
[ laughs ]
♪ sign on the subway says
the world's almost over ♪
♪ call up your loved ones,
tell 'em it's begun ♪
♪ can't read the signal,
better get yourself a guru ♪
No space we ride.
♪ get with the times
and get yourself a gun ♪
♪ things getting weird
in the 21st century ♪
We're gonna let billy
judge this one.
♪ hard to tell the disaster
from the crime ♪
♪ pedal to the metal
in the 21st century ♪
Man: Fuck that.
They didn't slide or grind
or anything.
[ chuckles ]
Elijah's was sloppy,
but they counted it.
Birdhouse is on some bullshit.
Burnett: This is a classic case
of some point grubbing,
Which is strictly forbidden
in the book,
But yeah, a lot of times
people will say,
"well, we -- we skated it."
Yeah, this is not
what I had in mind.
-So, did that count?
-No, they're not counting that.
"if anyone wants to make
a better effort at keyzar,
I'd encourage them to do so."
Man: Hey, you guys
need to do it better.
♪ that's a secret
I don't want to hold ♪
♪ I don't know why I get
so distracted ♪
♪ can't look away,
I guess I'm not that kind ♪
♪ gettin kinda hectic
in the 21st century ♪
All right, let's do this.
Right here.
♪ getting faster all the time
♪ yet you are all
♪ that I got in my mind
whoo!
Send it right now.
♪ the rest doesn't matter
That's a make.
♪ if you will be mine
♪ they can take what they...
The next sf bounty spot is this
crazy drop-down kink rail.
It's a double-kink rail,
But it's got, like, a drop
right after the flat part.
Although a kid skated it
recently,
Before that, the only guy who'd
ever stepped to this thing
Was mark gonzales,
Who did it in a 60/40 commercial
in the '90s.
All san francisco spots
are kind of sketchy,
But this is very dangerous.
Considering only two people
have ever skated this,
If somebody gets a trick,
that'd be really good.
Whew!
[ sighs ]
-it's all right.
You got it out of
the way now.
Right?
This thing is stunt.
♪
[ cheering ]
Whoo!
Yeah, baby.
Got to the bottom.
I think he's got it.
[ all groaning,
scattered clapping ]
Fuck, dude.
I had it, too.
Man: Come on, dude!
He's got it, for sure.
[ groaning
and scattered clapping ]
Oh, my god.
Fuck, dude.
I had it, too.
Look at my fucking leg.
What is that, daniel?
I don't know.
I've never seen it, though.
I, like, can't really flex
my leg too much, so...
Is it just stuck?
Dude, don't.
I'm sorry.
It's so gnarly.
Like, my leg is --
it's like an avocado.
Is it?
I mean...
It looks like one,
I don't know.
It's hard.
Like, I've never
seen anything
Like that in my life,
actually.
Dan lu took one
all the way down,
Came up a little short.
He kind of stuck, flew out,
bashed his leg.
It's feeling a little rough.
He's gonna be fine.
I just think
it's one of those things,
Just hits it so hard
it swells up,
So we're gonna get him
taken care of.
But we're not --
don't count us out yet.
Fuck, dude.
We almost had,
just like a street clip.
What the fuck?
-Ohh.
Only thing left to do is get
the, uh, clipper, blake.
You got a caveman fucking
darkslide half-flip out?
-Maybe.
-Maybe?
-Let's go to clipper.
-All right. Let's go there.
♪
Burnett:
With the sf bounties,
We're also going
to send them to clipper.
It's a super iconic spot.
Clipper.
Burnett:
It's appeared on the cover
Of thrasheseveral times,
And there's a rumor they're
gonna tear it out soon,
So we want to at least send
The king of the road teams there
one more time.
Dude, that shit
is not gonna go.
You got to do a caveman
darkslide half-flip out,
Which is a stupid trick.
And with it being
such a dumb trick,
You could still get fucked up
doing it.
It's not like they can just
do it and it's easy.
It's, like, it's hard to do.
♪
Yes.
-Whoo!
Come on!
♪
♪ always were the bitch
♪ always coming late
♪ playing like a shithead
[ cheering and howling ]
Fuck, yes.
I'm sending that shit.
All right.
Looks like we got the clipper.
♪ but you never held the gun
toy machine.
♪ no brains, no balls
Uh, that's a little sketchy,
but...Two feet on.
It's a make.
♪ no brains, no balls
-burnett says it's a make.
Make!
[ cheering ]
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
Blake's killing it.
[ engine revs ]
♪
Man:
Clive's gonna skate the rail
To try to get
this 100 points first.
♪ always were the bitch
Yeah, clive.
♪ the victim every time
They picked some weird spots
for this, man.
Yeah, they did.
♪ a rotten piece of slime
♪ you never wanted
to be the one ♪
Man: Yeah, clive.
Right here, dude.
♪ always letting someone
hold the gun ♪
♪ no brains, no balls
♪ I'll stand by
and watch you fall ♪
[ speaks indistinctly ]
♪ no brains, no balls
♪ I'll stand by
and watch you fall ♪
♪ no brains, no balls
♪ I wanna see you die
like a dog ♪
♪ you dumb motherfucker
[ man chuckles ]
♪
Man #2: Oh, man.
Fuck, man.
[ whistles ]
-Fuck, man.
-[ whistles ]
God.
The is a double-whammy fucker.
[ groans ]
-My finger's kind of gnarly.
-Bandage that up, for sure.
Duct tape
that shit closed.
Fucking collar bone's
swelling up,
But it's obviously not broken,
or else...
Yeah, you wouldn't be able
to move it.
♪
You got it. Hey.
Don't apologize.
♪ I know I shouldn't
-eli, you're fucking gnarly.
♪ call you at home
That was a heavy slam.
I didn't even see it, really.
I just saw you disappear.
I was scared.
Yeah, me too.
Freaked out.
-Did you film elijah?
-Yeah.
-How bad was it?
-He went down hard.
He was bleeding.
Is it worse than getting hit
in the head with a toilet?
♪ destiny
It's all good, dude.
That was gnarly.
Lovell:
No one wants to die.
Dan lu, elijah both got
completely smoked,
So it's like, it's not worth it.
We can go get 150 points,
like, anytime.
This isn't worth it.
Peace.
-Dude, you're pretty good, dude.
-[ laughs ]
-I think we should mic him up.
I think we should
mic you up, dude.
♪ understand when you
were almost mine ♪
And my car's still
right there.
♪ she's got your name
The van has been great.
They've been very polite.
They gave me a lot of space.
-You want a bite?
-No, thanks.
You're sweet.
I think they might be
a little tired,
Maybe waiting for a second wind.
♪ late at night...
Yeah, she helped us out.
She kept the vibes high
in the van.
What's that?
Oh, weed.
Trees.
Trees.
Little trees.
Trees!
Little trees.
Dawn: I've been here
for eight hours.
I got here
a little before 2:00,
And now it's almost
after 10:00.
Love you, too.
♪ she's got you
-thanks for coming.
-Bye, elijah.
-See ya.
-Take care.
-See you soon.
-Thanks for joining us.
-Bye, you guys. Thank you.
♪
[ whistling ]
Carpenter:
It's 45 degrees out.
This fool, axel, is shirtless.
He's gonna 50 grind this rail.
That's as many as his age.
[ creaking ]
Axel.
20.
♪
♪ civilization's dying
-[ laughs ]
♪ and no one's realizing
♪ the position of hate
stuck inside the gun ♪
♪ civilization's crying
[ groaning ]
♪ and I won't try to deny it
♪ we got a problem son
oof!
♪ something's gotta be done
Oh, shit.
He has a hole in his hip.
He has a hole in his hip.
♪ they know it ain't no fun
to get shot with a gun ♪
♪ civilization's dying
♪ and no one's realizing
[ cheering ]
♪ the position of hate
stuck inside the gun ♪
♪ civilization's crying
Kid is back!
Kid is back!
♪ we got a problem, son,
something's gotta be done ♪
♪ with the pope
and the president ♪
♪ and the big rockstar
who made a lot of money ♪
[ cheering ]
♪ they know it ain't no fun
to get shot with a gun ♪
♪
He got his face pierced,
♪ civilization's dying
♪ and no one's realizing
♪ did the gnarliest 50 to smith
on a double-kink rail ♪
♪
Did the 21-stair.
[ howling ]
All three of those equaled
the same amount of points
I'm gonna get when I take a shit
in the van.
It doesn't really make sense.
But I will always take the shit
before jumping on all this.
[ top pops ]
On the next
"king of the road"...
Where you at?
Oh! There we go!
Shit!
So we're gonna be dressed up
in all this fucked up attire.
King of the road, baby!
♪
[ shouts indistinctly ]
♪
Just take a shit.
All right.
You guys are all fucked.
[ laughter ]
Aah!
Check!
Sinclair:
He has a hole in his hip.
-It's a hole.
-That big.