King of the Road (2016-…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Sabotage Is Part of the Game - full transcript

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---
Please do not attempt to perform
any of these stunts

Or activities in this show.

They are super dangerous,
crazy, wild, dangerous.

The stunts seen are either
performed by professionals

Or under the supervision
of professionals,

Serious professionals.

This show also
contains bad language.

Case:
What you doing, clint?

Making potato phelps.

♪

I got me some accessories
from a sweet potato.



We're about to hook up
his glasses,

Hook him up with a bandana.

This is gonna look all sick.

Phelps, we're getting there,
almost done.

♪

Got that sick ass 'do!

We getting there, baby!

♪

Phelps potato,
you old motherfucker!

♪

♪ raw oysters, texas pete

♪ sea urchin on the reef

♪ sour cheeseburger
man: Oh!

♪ bit to eat



♪ lick butter goes with keef
man: Oh!

♪ into the cocoa leaf

♪ fresh maggots on my teeth
aah!
Aah!

♪ they're cheap

♪ oh, baby

♪

Whoo!

♪

Case: As far as being
on schedule right now,

We're kind of dealing
with the rain.

We're, just -- like, everybody
here is dealing with it,

So, kind of, no stress.

It's, just,
usually about right now

We'd be moving through stuff.

And we're kind of just
driving around, so...

Burnett:
Usually on "king of the road",

They have their entire route
written out.

So they know exactly
where they're going.

But this year,
to try to shake things up,

We're gonna be giving
their cities one by one.

They're not gonna know exactly
where they're going next.

♪

I know it's driving them
absolutely bananas

Because a big part of
"king of the road" in the past

Was you saw
what your cities were.

You're always strategizing,

Like, "let's go!
Let's go! Let's go!

I'm not gonna send them
their next city

Until 11:00 p.M. Tonight.

Until then,
they just need to try

To make the best use
of their time.

You see
we got the onions.

Ooh,
let's chop it up!

-Give me that onion.
-Slice 'em up, boys!

Start with that red one.

Let's see
if you carve it with that.

♪

Oh,
it got in my eyes, dude.

Aah!

♪

You tried rubbing it
on my fucking face.

-Oh, shit. Aw, fuck.
-[ laughs ]

Come here, dude.
Let me see it in your face.
Aw, fuck! [ laughs ]

Berle:
Oh, there's a tear!

That's a tear!
That's crying.

-Yo, hold the camera.
-Aah!

-Oh! [ laughs ]
-it's all right, johnny.

-It's all right, bud.
-Yeah!

♪

Sinclair: 20 points for a cry.
[ laughs ]

Somebody needs to drop
some tears in this motherfucker.

I'm going to,
the way we're being treated.

[ laughs ]

What kind of sad music
do you want, dan lu?

Lutheran: I got some shit,
right here.

I got some tears
ready to rip.

I'm feeling somber
as a cat back here.

Dan lu,
make it rain back there.

I want to.

♪

Yeah, now we're good.

♪ you can blame all on me ♪

♪ you can say
it wasn't meant to be ♪

Oh, you're gonna try to cry,
too, billy?

♪ you can claim
I was impossible ♪

♪ to all your friends ♪
it's hard to be sad.

♪ sorry that I love you

♪ sorry for what I do

Man: Yeah! That was
so fucking good right there.

[ laughs ]
-whatever.

That was money, man.

-You good?
-Yeah.

-Are those tears?
-Yeah.

Sinclair: How'd you get
to the tear zone?

I, just,
channeled my inner pain.

[ laughter ]

Everyone has pain.

But it doesn't hurt
that it's raining

And it's...We're in seattle.

This is tear weather, dude.

We should all be crying
right now.

♪

It's so windy!

Whoo!

These gale-force winds --

I don't really know
what a gale force is.

But it's at least
50 mile-an-hour winds.

Lutheran: We're trying
to execute some moves,

Knock off challenges
one after another.

[ schultz & forever's "silvia"
plays ]

Man: Yeah, bill!
Well, we got the tie challenge.

Yeah.

Did you forget
I'm a fucking skateboarder?

Man: Benjamin,
get up in the photo.
Raybourn: [ laughs ]

Lay on the hood.

Get that thing going!

♪

[ all cheering ]

I checked my phone,
and someone asked me

To make out with someone
on the longboard.

-There you go.
-Get it.

Man:
Give him some speed!

[ schultz & forever's "silvia"
continues ]

-Oh, my god!
-[ laughs ]

-Oh, fuck.
-[ laughs ]

[ music continues ]

Davis: She looks like me.
I look like her.

And, uh,
we're gonna make out.

[ schultz & forever's "silvia"
continues ]

-All right.
-Ready?

-All right.

Man: You got...

Ow!

[ laughter ]

-Got it!
-Good teamwork, yes.

That fucking counts.
I'm not fucking doing it again.

Aw, shit.

Eldridge: Whoa. This is --
I think is called a tornado.

The weather sucks so bad.

Seattle, I guess,
kind of expected.

Wind and rain are, like,
the same thing

'cause anytime you go up,

The board don't come with you
most of the time.

-Hyah!
-[ laughs ]

[ laughter ]

Elijah,
he's the fff...Best, dude.

I've known elijah
since he was 11.

[ chuckles ] he couldn't skate
for shit when I first met him.

[ chuckling ] then, something
clicked in his mind.

And he's -- I don't know, he's
one of the best in the world.

Every time I see him skate,

He's just, like,
fucking amazing.

♪ 1, 2, 3, 4

♪ sitting here
I'm a loaded gun ♪

♪ waiting to go off

♪ I've got nothing to do

♪ but shoot my mouth off

He's obviously gnarly as fuck,

One of the gnarliest
fucking skaters

I've ever seen skate, for sure.

♪ gimme gimme gimme

♪ don't ask what for

♪ I'm gonna go out

If you're
that gnarly of a skater,

There's no way
you're gonna be, like,

Even-tempered all the time.

♪ so gimme gimme gimme

♪ gimme some more
aah!

♪ gimme gimme gimme
aah!

♪ don't ask what for

If you are willing to jump
on the hand grenade like that

On a skateboard, then, yeah,
you're gonna break a board.

You're gonna punch a wall.

That's just what
these guys are like.

I really like all the tricks
this year, honestly.

♪ gimme gimme gimme

But that book will getcha.

♪ 1, 2, 3, 4

♪ gimme gimme gimme

♪ I need some more

♪ gimme gimme gimme
aah!

♪ don't ask what for

Man:
That's 150 points!

Wheatley:
You just got to come down fakie.
No, you don't.

I thought you had
to go back to regular.

-No. No.
-To fakie.

-Fakie. You got it.
-Aah!

-[ laughs ]
-aah!

I fucking hate the book.

♪

Man: Oh!

He did that shit proper.

-Sick, dude.
-Whoo!

-Whoo!
-Yeah, boy!

♪

Whoo-hoo.

♪

Aah!

Fuck!

♪

Walker: He needs to do ollie
over nosegrind.

That's one of the --
one of the tricks

That's worth
a lot of points.

And, uh, this rail's
kind of low at the back.

So it's easy
to go over the back.

We need to make it happen
right here.

♪

-Right! Fuck!
-[ whistles ]

♪

-Yeah.
-Whoo!

Yeah, boy.

That was
really fucking sick.

Oh, shit!

Get the goddamn cake!
Get the fucking cake!

Give me the fucking cake!
-Hold on one --

Give me the cake!
I got to do it, stupid.

Oh, he's gonna
block the rail.

No. What the fuck!

Sinclair: Clint.

-Come on over, clint.
-No. Roll your window up.

I can hear your red ass
from over here.

-What's up?
-Come on over!

Come on over!

Talking tomato,
what's up? Speak.

Yo, get the fucking cake.

There's nobody
to fucking hit.

I'll break
your goddamn finger, mike.

I'll fucking kick you
in the face, mike.

I swear to god.

Do we wait

And -- and hit him
with the cake?

Or do we --
do we skate this with 'em?

I'm not skating this
with 'em?
Why?

This is the smallest rail
you're ever gonna find, bill.

Do you guys want to try
to skate here or no?

-No.
-Let's come back.

Come back.

Davis: Toy machine,
wasting time on us.

They can't get our ass.
They weren't prepared.

♪

-Hey!
-Hey, girl!

[ laughter ]

-Oh, my god
[ laughter ]

[ powersolo's
"boom babba do ba dabba" plays ]

I found a wall ride.
Is this a roof?

[ music continues ]

Whoa.

-Oh!
-Aw.

[ music continues ]

-Yeah!
-Yeah, ben.

Man:
That was tight.

♪

Man: Back-to-back.

Yeah!

What can we do that would
just make the spot unskatable?

Man: We got a little shovel
in the car?

'bout to get they ass.

A lot of sand and mud.

Walker: The toy machine dudes
came and fucked with us

While we were skating
this rail.

So we're gonna
put a big ass amount

Of mud and dirt and shit
at the bottom.

So it takes a long time
to clean up

Before they can skate it.

Case: I mean, we all agree
this is an awful practice.

Nobody likes that this
becomes a part of it.

But on to the next one.

Let's go!

We're spending
more time doing it

Than it's gonna
take them to clean it up!

♪

Man: What kind of rock action
can we get right here?

These are pretty
prime rocks, dude.

This is like a ledge
right here.

Oh!

Oh!

Damn!

Fucking around.

Man: [ laughs ]

Man:
I got the big wax too.

If you need it, stevie,
let me know.

I got this shit
right here, player.

♪

Usually, they want me to handle,
like, the ledge stuff,

Rail skating, manual tricks.

They're, like, "fuck, old dude,
you can do these tricks."

And I'm, like, "fuck, dude."

[ all cheer ]

[ powersolo's
"sloppy bird boogie" plays ]

Smyth: Yeah. Yes.

Oh, I hope you're the guy

That does that
for our team, elijah.

Burnett: The mariano's mangler,
that's named after guy mariano,

Who's a legend
of technical ledge skating.

He put this brand new trick
up on his instagram.

And so we just wrote it
into the book.

And you're, like, "I don't know
if that's gonna work."

I don't know
if anyone's gonna try it.

Now, you've got
elijah berle trying it,

Who's not the guy you think of

When it comes
to technical ledge skating.

Because there's a book
and there's specific tricks

That you have to do,

It takes the skaters
out of their comfort zones

A little bit.

[ music continues ]

Muller: Oh. Yeah.

Berle: It puts a smile
on your face, you know.

Well, I think I can try that.

You know, like, and then you
either do it or you don't.

Oh!

Damn, blood.

Man: Yeah, eli!

♪

[ all cheering ]

Berle:
I just closed my eyes on one.

And I was, just,
kind of twirling.

And then I was rolling away.
[ laughs ]

Smyth:
It's kind of rad for him

Because, it's like,
all this shit that
he would never try.

It's, like, who's doing
fucking tech tricks on ledges,

Inverts on helmets,

Fucking 150-point tricks
in the transition book.

Yeah.
It's just points
are adding up to mvp.

Dude, how many points
does he have?

Hella points.
Yeah.

Just got to get him
to do the butt chug.

[ laughs ]

Let's get
a gnarly street cone.

And just, fucking...

Just flood
the anal cavity.

[ laughter ]

-Actually try the alley-oop.
-Yeah.

So, wait, like this,and then...
-Yep.

Not, like a --
like, it's weird.

It's really weird.

Never done it.

♪

-Ah!
-Almost!

Axel is on flow right now.

We're just, like, kind of
testing him out and stuff.

But he's insane,
super talented.

♪

I'm from belgium.

And I was gonna go home
actually, like, last week.

And then mike, like,
the week before,

He's like, "so you want to go
on this trip?"

I'm, like,
"uh, I'll be home, so..."

He's, like,
"well, it's king of the road."

And I'm, like, "fuck.
Okay. I'm staying."

He's -- he's kind of an atv,
he can skate everything.

So I just felt
that he could really,

Really help toy machine.

♪ when life feels great

♪ you don't hesitate

♪ you control your days
carpenter:
Axel can skate tranny

And, fucking, rails, stairs.

♪ with all the games
you play ♪

Lutheran:
I can't even say his last name.

It starts with a "c",
like, "croxenberg"
cruysberghs.

He dances to euro music.

[ techno music plays ]

Good song, eh?
This song's from belgium.

[ music continues ]

Sinclair:
Axel, it's a 50 pointer.

Cruysberghs: That's it?
That's a lot.

I don't know why he picked me.

But I just want to, like,
be a pro skater, I guess.

I'd be really happy.
I don't know.

That'd be fucking sick.

[ breathes deeply ]
you got it, brother,
trust.

I'll try. I'll try.

[ nebula's "little yellow pill"
continues ]

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Fucking asshole.
You costing us money right now.

♪

[ man whistles ]

Yes!

-Finally!
-Yeah!

Sinclair:
You want to mark it in the book?

-How much is this? 50.
-Fitty.

Whoo!

♪

He's the new guy.
He might need to contribute.

[ laughs ]

♪

Man: All right, axel.
What's about to go down?

I'm gonna get a piercing.

-What's up?
-I need to get a -- a piercing.

-All right.
-But I don't know.

I can choose between,
like, nose or eyebrow

Or whatever.
-Or nipple.

No. I don't want
the nipple.

What do you think?
What should I get?

Man: I think out of the ones
that you're deciding,

Maybe the nostril
will be the best?
Yeah?

I guess, should I get --
just get something like this?

-Yeah. Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Can I get that?
-Okay.

Sinclair: You gonna hold his
hand through this process?

I don't know.
If he needs me to.

I'm gonna hold his hand
for theatrics.
Yeah. Absolutely.

All right.
And then when the one
little tear comes down.

-Is there gonna be a tear?
-Hell, yeah.

[ smoke screen's "pity sex"
plays ]

I'm nervous. Yeah.

-Ready to go?
-I don't know.

-Yeah.
All right. Cool.

Tilt your chin up
just a little bit.

♪

[ laughter ]
that's not bad.

-Oh, my.
-I just want to see this.

There's a tear.

Carpenter:
Dude, that was insane.

My nose is itchy.

How many points is this?

That's it. [ scoffs ]

Wow.
I look like a fool.

Carpenter:
Collin's gonna give billy a tat.

I'm not sure what it is, though.

50 points?

♪

-Good luck, bill.
-Thanks.

♪ tearing down the fences

♪ coming to my senses
marks: [ gasps ]

♪ seeing what I really know
oh, boy.

Burnett:
Down for life challenge

Has always been
in king of the road.

Get a thrasher tattoo.

Show us
that you're down for life.

Shaky hand. Oh, god.

I just, fucking,
had a coffee.

And then, just, like, ugh!

In the beginning
when we started, 2003,

It seemed like, "whoa.
Getting a tattoo?

That's a big deal."

These days, nobody has a problem
with a tattoo.

Berle: Pretty sure I've seen
this happening before.

For this year, we decided to
raise the stakes a little bit.

And now, you got to get
a thrasher tattoo

From one of your teammates.

Man:
Don't worry, dude.

I've done this
a fucking thousand times.

Oh, you're just gonna
freestyle it.

Ow! Ow!

♪ the stones are on the radio

♪ singing she's a rainbow

By the fifth letter,
you'll get it.

♪

♪ I'll know when I get there

♪£ I'm on a train to nowhere ♪

♪ the whistle's blowing

-K.O.T.
-Yeah.

Don't remember
how to spell?

-I might make it wavy.
-[ laughs ]

[ all cheering ]

-Hell, yeah.
-There it is.

Thrasher tat,
down for life.

♪ I don't want to be
a big star ♪

-You have one line left.
-Fuck!

-Want to touch it up?
-[ laughs ]

Collin did a great job.

Yeah. Sick.
Actually looks all right.

Fuck yeah.

♪ I'm on a train to nowhere

♪ doo doo

♪ doo, doo-doo,
doo-doo, doo-doo-doo ♪

See this bling bling?

So sick.

Holland: We're at marginal.

We got to do
the star spangled banner.

And we also have to do a trick

Where you get four wheels
on the ceiling.

That is scary.

It's definitely cold.
It's definitely raining.

Now,
axel's hitting the roof!

♪

Oh!

That's so fucking amazing.

You got it right here, axel!

Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Oh!

Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Oh!

[ all cheer ]

Sinclair: Hey! Hey, axel!

Here's what
we need from you.

When collin
does the song,

He's lighting it
on fire.

We need you to do a trick
that you can do,

That we'll have footage of,

So it can be...Smith --

I mean,
whatever the coolest,

Easiest thing
you can do over that.
Yeah.

And then
after that's done,

If you get the four wheels
on the wall, that's bonus.

All right?

Man: Just let him do
the fucking wall.

We have one chance
to burn the guitar.

If he doesn't make the thing,
the photo's not gonna run.

Why doesn't he just do
his trick first,

And then after he --
why you always trying

To fucking change
everything up...
I'm not.

...Like a fucking --
you're a bitch, man.

I'm not trying
to change it.

You are,
every fucking time.
How?

Mayhem.
Mayhem, brother.

Everyone's yelling
at each other.

Well,
he hasn't got it yet.
Not yet.

But we've got
plenty of time.

We have one chance to burn
the fucking guitar, bill.

The dynamic between
big pink and bill,

Those guys are, like, best buds
who hate each other.

One chance --
if he doesn't make it

And we're here 3 hours
and he gives up...

That's on the list.
Then the photo is no good.

That's on the list to do.
But I'm telling you,

If you're
burning the guitar,

You can't have a trick
that he didn't do.

Do you not
under-fucking-stand that?

Give him a little bit!

-I'm down for whatever.
=go ahead.

While I'm,
like, still fresh,

We should do the grind.
-Yeah. No shit.

That's what I'm saying.
-No shit, bill.

-All right. Well whatever...
-Sit your dumbass

Back onto the lip.

He buys a fucking
$15 jacket

And turns into the fonz.

Fucking sit down.

Sit down.

They're hilarious.
They talk smack to each other.

They, like, put each other
down in, like, loving ways.

It is a odd relationship,
yeah.

But they're brothers,
deep brothers.

I know how it is
when you're, fucking,

Getting into a trick,
getting close.

Yeah, and I don't?

Not a real trick.

[ "star spangled banner" plays ]

[ all cheering ]

♪ get back potatoes

♪ let's take it again

[ all cheering ]

Man: Yeah, collin.

Hey, I got $100, this try.

♪

Oh!

Oh!

That's it.

♪

[ all shouting ]

Oh!

♪

Axel.
What?!

Fuck.

♪

♪

Man: Bust in the position
that you're not afraid of.

So something like this?

Man: [ laughs ]

Just pour beer
in there.

Smyth: Kind of been stuck here
in seattle

'cause it's been
raining all day.

We've been
dodging the rain.

And, like, we can't leave.

We're ready to go.

♪

Man: Oh!

Smyth: Yeah, johnny!

[ "dream team" plays ]

[ all shouting ]

Muller: The first couple trips
that you go on

Has, like, a flow dude
with the team.

And they're really important.

Johnny b. Goode.

[ "dream team" continues ]

[ all shouting ]

Man: That was fucking it.

Muller: You need to get
along with everybody.

You need to bust your ass.

You need to show
that you're willing to do

Whatever needs to be done.

♪

[ all shouting ]

I mean,
there's gonna be pressure.

But I'm sure he'll have fun.

Vitetta: I like when johnny
gets to frustrating.

It doesn't look like johnny.

♪

Man: Oh, my god!

[ whistles ]

Smyth:
Oh, his board made it down

Before he jumped into nose, man.

♪

Fuck. It's coming.

[ all shouting ]

Yeah, johnny!

♪

[ laughs ]

Burnett is late.

Man: I got it!
I got the location.

You guys ready?
-[ laughs ]

Sinclair: Hey, collin.
You know, you guys, come down.

Billy! [ whistles ]

All right. So any guesses
where our next city is?

-Portland!
-Portland, oregon.

-Portland.
-What do you think, bill?

-Portland.
-Where do you think?

-Montana.

[ laughter ]

Man:
All right, no, we want to know
where we're going.

Where are we fucking going?
-All right. You ready?

-Portland.
-Yeah!

-Portland.
-All right.

-Hell yeah.
-Fuck yes.

Your next city challenges

Are in portland
and lincoln city.

-What?!
-Oh!

We don't know
the challenges yet.

All we get now
is the city.

-Where do you think we're going?
-I don't know.

He doesn't even know
where the fuck we're at.
I just come around.

Our next city's
eugene, oregon.

-Oh, yeah, baby.
-[ claps ]

Eugene.

Sinclair:
This is the last little bit
of seattle that we hit.

First thing that we did
when we came to seattle --

We hit marginal way.

We, uh, we're leaving
with marginal way.

And, uh, and right now,
I think we're gonna see

If we can do a couple
miscellaneous challenges

And then, uh, hit the road.

Eugene. Eugene.

-Portland, all right.
-Hell yeah.

-Fuck yeah.
-The city of, uh,

Our friend, ben and mike.

I know all the spots.
I've lived there my whole life.

Ben knows
quite a bit of them.

Raybourn: I've only been there
for a year, so...

Ben's been there for a year.
So he knows quite a bit of them.

But yeah. I have all the homies
looking out for us.

-All right.
-Let's get it.

-All right.
-Let's get there, buddy.

Man: Let's go!

♪

Let's start with chugging
the beer with the ass!

Get in position.

We should get the fuck
out of here, dude.

Right?

[ air hisses ]

-Motherfuckers!
-Go! Go! Go!

Man" I didn't know
they were in the van

When we opened it
and we let the air out.

Go! Go! Go! Go!
-They were in?

-Yeah.

Motherfuckers, we got you!

Yeah, oh, man.
Holy shit!

I let the air
out of their tire.

Fuck.

The birdhouse or,
like, toy machine.

Yeah.
Like, the tires.

Like, we catch them.

Me and clint just snuck up.

We knew the skatepark
they were at.

And, uh, I let the air
out of their tire.

-Who was it?
-Uh, it's chocolate.

We were chilling,
like, you know, like,

Smoking spliff, rolling joints.

And then, we start hearing,
like [imitates hissing air]

It was so loud.
The air was coming out so fast.

It was like
[imitates hissing air]

Like, we hear it,

And, like, it was, like,
"yo, what's up!"

"hey! What the fuck!"
and then the doors open.

-No.
-=me and clint book it.

I didn't look back.
We took off.

And they just jumped
into the van...

-They what?
-...And started chasing us.

-They started chasing you?
-Yeah.

I don't know who it was.

But it's, either way, like,
the toy machine team

Or the birdhouse team --
one of the two.

Yo, shane, which team was
trying to come here all day?

Which one was the --
the team that they were --

Was trying to come here,
toy machine or birdhouse?

Uh, I think birdhouse, maybe.
Oh, wait.

Has anyone else tried
to come by here?

-Yeah.
-Which one?

Birdhouse has been
calling me for two days.

Oh, birdhouse.
So it was birdhouse.

Birdhouse.
Birdhouse.

-Hey, look. Proof.
-[ laughs ]

We got
their fucking tire cap.

Who wants it?
I'm keeping that shit.

They lost the cap.

They -- they throw away
the cap, right?

I mean, sabotage
is part of the game.

So I'm glad that they tried
to -- to do it to us.

So we can go double on them.

You know, what goes around
come backs around.

But, like, with us,
it's like the double.

Tony hawk, we love you.

But your teammates...

♪

[ tires squeal ]

[ horn honks ]

All right
all right.

Here we go?
Yeah.

Good luck.
All right. Thank you.
Thank you.

Oh!
Foul ball.

-Five bucks, one to hit.
-Starting to get to know it.

It's, uh, it's a --
it's the morning of day 3.

We, uh, drove into portland
last night.

And we got our --
our challenges, um...

Man: Hey, you guys doing
"king of the road"?

-Yes, sir!
-Yeah!

Yeah.
What team are you, birdhouse?

-Yep.
-All right.

My best friend skates
for chocolate.

-Oh, I'm sorry.
-That's us, dude.

Chocolate's gonna win.

Oh, I'm sorry!
Yeah, right!

-Sandbagging him.
-[ laughs ]

-All right, have fun, you guys.
-All right, man!

-You're lucky this is plastic!
-All right.

So our first challenge is, uh,
we got to go to burnside

And do a banana split party.

Set up a table inside the park

And treat the locals
to delicious banana splits.

And then we have four tricks
to do there,

Or skip all those
and just do the --

The germ butt drop-in
from the top of the back wall.

Let's go.

Enough of the toys, dude.
Let's go ride our skateboards.

♪

[ coughing ]

You guys should
fucking take emergen-c today.

I'm not even joking,
players.

Oh, we get --
you guys need to get
your levels up.

Get your levels up,
dude, for real.

-Damn, dude. Ugh.
-What's up with feds?

Uh, he's coming.
He's moving a little slowly.

-What's up?
-Can you go in the back, please?

Vitetta: Like, I -- I cant...
Like, I'm already...

My back is fucked.

We get our second city
5:00 p.M. Tomorrow.

So we got to cover portland
and lincoln city,

Like, before
5:00 p.M. Tomorrow.

Well, let's get it.

♪

Oh, that's not good.

Man: You guys have a good system
of packing all your stuff.

It's called,
"let john do it."

How are you guys feeling,
dude.

I always feel like shit.

Hammeke: Usually, there's
a rack, like a wooden rack.

The other teams probably
have 'em

So stuff
just stacks in.

But we just like
the pile.

Billy tried to shoe-goo
the wheels shut

On his roller blades.

He's gonna try
to lock the wheels

So he can stand on the board
a little better

To make a tre-flip
somewhere today.

Marks: The one wheel
is kind of sketchy though.

And I don't really
trust it.

We can lock that down.

We can get gorilla glue.

I don't know.
We'll see.

♪

Burnett: Birdhouse is getting
sent to burnside.

In 1990,
mark hubbard and red

Started on
the burnside project...

♪

...The very first do-it-yourself
concrete skate park.

[ grindline the band's
"I'm losing my mind" plays ]

These guys just
started throwing concrete

Against a wall.

And it set off a revolution
in skateboarding.

And it's known
for some of the coolest

But also some
of the toughest locals.

The old rule of thumb was,
if you show up there

And you never
helped build the park,

The least you can do
is, like, bring a 12-er.

So for this challenge,
we thought

Maybe we'd even
go one step further

And have them host
a nice banana split party

For the locals.

Who wants a fuckin'
banana split?

'cause we got one.

Nobody wants
a fucking banana...

You want
a banana split?

-Hell yeah, you do.
-Yeah!

-Marshmallows.
-Sprinks.

-Sprinks.
-Yeah!

-Yeah, man!
-Come on, jerome.

We need that ice cream.
We got customers.

-Yeah, what the fuck?
-We need ice cream!

Case: Ben is trying
the germ butt drop in

From the top
of the back wall.

-Who wants to see it?
-I got -- I got a five on it.

Man: Whoo!

♪

Ah!

[ all cheer ]

Walker: Yeah!

Burnett:
Germ is this famous skater
from burnside.

Basically, what he did,

He climbed to the highest wall
in the park,

Which is like, I don't know,
40 feet above the lip...

-Whoa.
-...Gets his board
on his back...

Raybourn:
Fucking hate doing this so much!

-And jumps in.
-Fuck, yeah!

Germ: Let's do it.

♪

Burnett: It's one of the most
amazing things I've ever seen.

If birdhouse can do
the germ drop,

It's gonna be a really good omen

For the rest
of "king of the road."

-All right, boys!
-Yeah!

♪

[ all cheering ]

Man #1: That's what
I'm talking about!

Man #2: Get yourself
a banana split, baby!

Yes, dude!
Eat some split.

-Ah.
-Whoa!

Walker: All right.

Get in this photo.
Everybody get in this photo.

Guys, come on.
-Yeah.

♪

[ man shouts ]

♪

Man:
Yeah, there they are, bill.

Do it, bill!

♪

[ laughter ]

Man:
They're, like, terrified.

Now you're turning 'em
into prostitutes.

♪

[ tires squeal ]

[ horn honks ]

♪

Smyth: So we got ledge.
We got manuals.

We got stairs.

Let's fucking
hit it hard.

Hang tight, ld.

Put you in charge
of this.

Smyth: I think there's probably
something here

For a few guys, you know.

Stevie, johnny, elijah, yeah.

I think they could all do
something on this page.

♪ but who's gonna cry for him?

♪ who's gonna cry for him?

♪ he's the gunfighter

-Yeah!
-There you go.

Ollie up
landing with your board

On top of another board.

♪ cry for him

♪ gunfighter, gunfighter

Man: Oh!

-That was dope.
-Dude, now we got that ticked.

♪ gunfighter, gunfighter

♪ gunfighter, gunfighter

♪ gunfighter, gunfighter

[ sighs ]

[ lucerne raze's
"stockholme syndrome" plays ]

Marks:
Dude, it's fucking scary.

♪

You're gonna need
to scoot back.

-Oh!
-Fuck!

Man: Dude, I got you.

♪

[ laughter ]

Fuck, yeah.

Shit, I can't roll.

That counts, right?
-Yeah. Absolutely.

Marks: 50 points.

-[ laughs ]
-fuck.

Take these
fucking things off.

♪

Man: Do you guys want to drop
in on the ribs?

-Do they have ribs?
-Yeah, I have ribs.

[ happy jawbone family band's
"d-r-e-a-m-I-n" plays ]

Man:
Guys, watch out, a van.

-No, that ain't them.
-That's peacock.

Oh, that's peacock.

Bro, man! Hey!

Case: My paranoia,
right now, is that, uh,

Pretty sure all the other teams
have challenges here.

So we're like,
we want to get in and get out.

And I keep turnin' my back
'cause I'm worried

A van's gonna come down
and try to cake me.

So, uh, just every day shit.

[ chuckles ]

Ben's got to drop
in on a rack of ribs.

♪

It's kind of sticky,
dude.

-All right.
-Here's your spot.

Oh, fuck.
[indistinct]

Oh, fuck.

Give me a shoulder.

Oh, fuck.

[ all cheer ]

♪

Man: Oh, yeah.

Oh, my god.

[ all cheering ]

And he did it.

And we're out.

That's right.
Let's get the fuck out of here.

♪

♪ bill jenkins

Smyth: Scouted a dog,

Owners say they're friendly
to skateboards.

So could do a --
a nosewheelie nollie flip

While walking a dog.

You want to try it,
rock?

Okay, man.
Yeah.

I don't think he's gonna
attack or anything.

Oh, on the board, too?

Jeez, that might
work, too, though.

[ laughs ]

♪

[ laughter ]

It's all right, rock.

Smyth: Hey, that was dope,
but let's try to walk one.

Perez: Yeah, yeah.

He ain't letting go.

All right, rock.

Right here, rock.

♪ bill jenkins

[ cheers and applause ]
ah! Rock!

[ applause ]

-Got it.
-Yeah!

-Thank you so much.
-Thanks, rock.

-Yeah, johnny.
-Yes, dude.

♪

-Yeah, there you go!
-Yeah, johnny, dude.

Our guy just got 'em.

See...

Yeah.

♪ alien tears drip
and drop on down ♪

Vitteta: Yes! That was it.

Man: Hey, should we go bang
out some city challenges
before it starts raining?

Vitteta: Wait a minute,
he's really close.

♪ eternal years
all right, johnny.

♪ turning man into stone

Dude,
you're really close, dude.

Man, it's fucking --
don't give up. Don't give up.

Come on.
It's not fucking working.

Give it, like,
another 10 tries.
Fuck, man.

Johnny, don't get stressed.
It's hard, dude.

This shit's...

Man: It's gonna rain.

♪

Ah, it's right there.

Smyth: This will be
the last one.

Man: Damn.

-Ooh.
-Good try, johnny.

-You'll get back to it.
Hell yeah, johnny.

-You got that shite.
-Go. Go. Go.

♪ my-my-my my-my my-my my-my

♪ my angel lover

♪ my-my-my my-my my-my my-my

Is there any way you can
help us with something?

I need to kiss three girls
while I'm in portland.

That's fine.
Yes!

Are you ready?
Yeah.

♪ my angel lover

♪ I spent by all the scars
yes!

♪ but there could be no other

Case: You gonna tre-flip
with those?

Oh, what if I hold
your shoulders and do it?

That counts.
Oh, dude.

Eh, this is so sketchy.

♪ my angel lover
[ laughs ]

♪ my angel lady

♪ I'd do most anything

♪ to keep you for my lady
[ laughs ]

You fucker, dude!

I thought -- I thought
you could go hyper-speed!

Dude, we look like
the coolest group of friends.

Oh, shit!

Dude, we're, like,
rocket-powered right now.

Ready, clive?

On the next
"king of the road"...

-That is fucking scary.
-Yeah.

Hell yeah, aaron.

-Fucking do it!
-Handle it.

Aaron: Fuck!

♪

Man: Show us your tits!

[ all cheer ]

♪

Fuck!

There's only
three more.

-Whoo!
-Light the rail on fire!

Ohh!

[ tires screech ]

Oh!
Oh.

-Oh, my god.
-Ouch, dude.

-Damn.
-Oh, my...

Check!

Man: Oh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.