King of the Road (2016-…): Season 1, Episode 11 - Grand Finale - full transcript
An awards show as only King of the Road could do it--weird, sloppy and downright ridiculous.
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---
Please do not attempt to perform
Any of these stunts
or activities in this show.
'cause they are
super dangerous --
Crazy-wild dangerous.
The stunts seen are either
performed by professionals
Or under the supervision
of professionals --
Serious professionals.
This show also contains
bad language.
Burnett:
Welcome to "king of the road"!
This is the end.
The fuck out of my way
Before I fucking eat
you alive, motherfucker!
Oh, no! What is this?
Who is that?
Watch the fucking video!
-Yeah! Holy shit.
-Holy shit.
Fuckin' a.
♪ raw oysters, texas pete
♪ sea urchin on the reef
♪ sour cheeseburger bit to eat
♪ lick butter goes with keef
♪ into the cocoa leaf
♪ fresh maggots on my teeth,
they're cheap ♪
♪ oh, baby!
♪
Being responsible
for judging is like,
Unless it's a race,
It's always gonna be
somebody's opinion.
Luckily, I've been a fan
of skateboarding
For a long, long time,
And we've done
"king of the road" 11 times,
So I go with my gut,
and I call it.
And sometimes you just go,
"I like that one better."
You know?
It's like art, bro.
Who wins in art?
Tonight is the big award show.
We've gone through
all the footage,
We've gone through the books,
And tonight, we're going to
announce the big winner.
It's gonna be fucked up,
but it's gonna be fun.
We're gonna have
two gonz boards,
The full circle,
10 boards apiece.
They will be the magical portals
Through which our guests
And our presenters
will walk through into
The "king of the road" finale.
Anybody drops it in the pool
with this,
They automatically win.
We'll throw out
all the scores.
Jesus.
This is the first time
we've ever done this.
We've got jake phelps,
our editor, here to help,
And it's gonna be me and andy
hosting this weird award show.
-Teams on one side, one side...
-Yeah, they'll be on each side.
They'll be split
down the middle.
So the team
that's got third is
Probably already
hammered, right?
They're already sitting.
They don't even get
to get up.
You know what I mean.
They're hammered.
"who's in third place?"
"these guys."
All the guests are invited
and the kids
And the fans,
and they can --
It's a free-for-all
in the pool.
And then grindline's gonna
fuckin' land us
Some killer jams.
-Hello?
-This way, right?
-Okay.
-Hey, how's it going?
Man:
Oh, here it comes.
It's good, right?
Do you like it?
Man: Hell yeah.
The black cauldron's been
with us for a long time.
And it -- it travels
and it rolls constantly.
We got everything, 'cause we got
the whole band in the back.
We're here because our band
started playing music as a joke,
And then, all of a sudden,
people started really liking it.
So there's a sampler in here.
You dropped your burrito.
The cauldron is a vessel,
You know, to another dimension.
You know, what a cauldron is.
It's like a...
It's like --
It's a big pot full of shit,
you know, full of stuff --
Spells, potions,
oil, boil, bubble, and trouble.
You know what I mean?
The cauldron.
Right now, all the teams
are in town.
Mm-hmm.
And they're all, like,
at a house,
Watching all the rest
of the shows.
Mm-hmm.
-Hey, what's up?
-Howdy.
You guys used me
as a clown.
-Ready, player.
-I know. It's full.
Yeah, tonight's the finale,
so we're just getting ready.
Watching some of the
"king of the road" episodes.
Waiting for ra ra
to get here.
Smyth: And we've been driving
all night since, uh,
4:00 yesterday
from austin, texas.
We got a flat at 2:00 a.M.
And had to wait
for the tire truck.
What's up, guys?
My doggy.
A tire blew out when
we were going like 90.
- Yes!
Man:
Eli is a beast.
A decade ago, he was 11
or 12 at the time.
He was this little kid
that I kind of had
Some type of endearment towards,
So I thought he was cool.
What?!
Talk to me
when you're 30, eli.
♪ happy birthday, big mike
♪ happy birthday to you
Sinclair: We're at
blake carpenter's house,
Invited everybody over.
It's my birthday.
Too bad I got to spend it
with this idiot still.
But, uh -- hey.
So...
Tonight, we're gonna, um,
I guess go to the grand finale.
Finale. Finale.
See how many points
billy really got.
I got a lot, dude.
Talked a big game.
Mvp.
He chopped him
in half, dude.
-Whoo!
-Oh, my god!
-Shit.
-Wow!
Yeah, forrest.
Man: Yeah, forrest!
Mvp-ness!
It's like a recap.
Looking at it's like,
we went on it to,
Like, be contenders.
We didn't go on it like,
"we're fucking doing this!
We're winning!"
It's like, we just went,
and we had a good time,
And the dudes did rad shit.
Yeah, that might work.
Young:
Birdhouse team's here,
And they've called me up to view
The "king of the road"
final episode.
Of course I said,
"come on over," you know?
Got clint, clive, and jaws.
Jaws is always one
of my favorites.
We're about to take a look
At the last couple of episodes,
so it should be, uh --
Should be pretty wild,
should be fun.
-Jackie.
-Jackie?
-Thank you, jackie.
-This is aaron.
-He goes by "jaws," though.
-Aaron. Oh, jaws?
Good thing that, uh -- that
l.A. Sparks game got out.
Scoot as much
over that way --
Yeah, yeah,
you're good like that.
Yes, like --
that's perfect. That's perfect.
She was getting it.
-Ooh!
-Oh, my god, dude!
Are you fuckin'
kidding me?
Fuckin' great.
-Yes!
-Dude.
-Oh.
-Wow.
-That's insane, man.
-Wow.
Yes, sir!
You got a fuckin'
hat on, man.
Wait. What?
Butt chug?
What does that mean,
dude?
Fuckin' snap the beer open,
fuckin' pull it out.
Dude, that's crazy.
This is so bad.
You're gonna have to lean it
back just a little bit.
My back hurts.
Aah.
-You're stretching.
-There you go.
Oh, dude!
It's so gnarly, dude!
This is so much worse
than watching aaron do it.
That's so much worse.
Did that count?
Man, this is some bullshit.
♪ there's no reason why
Rogers: Johnny, come on.
♪ but everything was...
Just do it there.
Yeah, do it.
Stop and do it again.
Just do it and then
keep pushing.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
-Keep fuckin' pushing, dude.
-Get the fuck out of here!
No one touched you.
Oh, was that it?
Walker: Gonna fuckin' throw
a fucking rock
In your face, motherfucker!
-Fuck!
-Chill the fuck out!
Walker:
What the fuck, dude?!
Hey, you shouldn't have
put your hands on johnny.
That's a person.
You shouldn't have touched him.
That wasn't okay.
You broke the contact barrier!
"you broke
the contact barrier!"
Yep, and you literally
just touched a man
Skateboarding that
could've got hurt.
We don't even exist
in this scene.
I didn't even know shit
was that heated there, dude.
I was just telling
axel to get it.
Oh, it was heated.
That's it!
We're skateboarding!
Yeah -- no, no! We should
be just skateboarding,
not hitting people.
And I'm literally saying
sorry to every fucking
one of you guys!
Well, then stop yelling it!
Then calm down and do it right.
Then do it right.
No, let him do it right.
-Fuck your apology, bitch.
-Apologize right, then.
You don't yell apologies.
Have a good day, clint.
I mean, that thing
all sucks, you know?
It sucks that it happened,
but it's like,
I think the same shit
would've happened had
We went over to their --
If they hadn't
slashed our tire,
I think it would've been
a full-on fight, so...
- Fucking cunt bitch.
It's over, bill.
-What do you mean that's it?
-That's all we get, bill.
Oh, no!
Would you do it again?
Oh, yeah, in an instant.
Man:
I would be pretty impressed
With another team
if they beat us.
Yeah, if somebody
beat us, they just --
They just have
to try, like --
They just have to
stay up late as we did
And try as hard as we did,
which is crazy.
I'm rooting for chocolate.
You motherfucker.
I'm rooting for toy machine,
you fuckin' idiot.
Well, yeah, of course.
But if we lose,
you want it to go to birdhouse
Or you want it
to go to chocolate?
I'd rather have chocolate,
but what I'm trying --
Well, that's what the fuck
I'm trying to say.
No, you said you're
rooting for chocolate.
I am.
I'm rooting
for toy machine.
Well, me too.
That's why you're the worst
fuckin' team manager ever.
Billy got divorced
during "king of the road."
You guys want to
talk about that?
♪
Hey, everybody!
2015! Thrasher!
"king of the fuckin' road"!
Let's get this
fuckin' shit jumpin'!
Let's go.
We got jello shots
for you guys to get fucked up!
Black out! Everybody fuckin'
black out right now!
Yes, dude!
The contact barrier
has been broken.
Welcome to "king of the road."
This is the end.
Tonight, we find out everything.
Biggest grind, worst slam.
Did billy pee weird?
Everything will be revealed.
We're gonna give out awards
for the highest, longest, most,
And we're gonna announce
who won this fuckin' thing.
They get $50,000,
Which is the most
we've ever had to give out.
They get the beautiful trophy.
And most importantly,
They get the most valuable
real estate
In all of skateboarding --
He cover of thrasher magazine.
Make some fuckin' noise!
♪
Thanks for coming tonight.
Our band tonight,
You may know him
from his incredible skate parks
All over the universe.
Mark hubbard
and grindline the band.
Holy shit.
Are you talking to me?
Thanks, mark.
Thank you.
And my co-host
for the evening,
You know him from his work
with antihero skateboards,
A one-man scared-straight
program, mr. Andy roy.
Fire! Light the fuckin' place
on fuckin' fire.
All right.
You know what?
We can write down
these funny ideas
In these little books
all we want,
But it ain't shit
without the dudes
Who get in the van.
So I want to bring
these guys in right now.
Your hometown skate team,
L.A.'s favorite sons,
chocolate skateboards.
Grab a margarita you guys.
Hey fucking take a seat.
Hey fucking...
Hey! I ask people nicely
not to touch my hair.
Over here,
in beagle-rita ville,
Our bartender
for tonight, beagle!
Next up, the bump-to-bar
barbarians,
Toy machine!
All right.
And last but not least,
The defending champs, birdhouse!
We're gonna go
down memory lane.
First thing we did was
go to marginal way.
Oh, fuck.
Now we're
gonna play the clip.
Let's check it out.
First rule of this is,
there's no fuckin' rules.
You can elbow! Knock
a motherfucker off his board!
On your marks,
get set, go!
Yeah!
Yeah!
-Oww!
-Fuck!
Yeah!
Fuck!
-The winner is ben raybourn!
-Bullshit!
-He was just hanging
on my shirt.
-I saw that, dude!
Wouldn't let go.
My fuckin' goddamn shirt.
-All right.
-Holy shit.
Whoever puts the board
together the fastest
And snap the fuckin'
board in half!
And you guys are
gonna be blindfolded!
Phelps: Fuck yeah!
Go, go, go!
-Billy!
-Yeah!
Man: By your left knee.
By your left knee.
-Come on, man!
-You got it!
You've been doing this
your whole fucking life!
Phelps: Come on, mike!
It's over.
We have a winner!
That's what's gonna win
this shit is fuckin' teamwork.
Burnett: Dan lu?
You called him out.
You seemed pretty upset
about that shirt grab.
Oh, yeah.
Would he have won?
-Fuck, yeah.
-Yeah, guaranteed.
More importantly, though, billy,
could you see?
-No. No, I had dan lu
right there.
-That was good.
These other guys are retarded
and didn't think of it.
-Yeah.
-No, no cheating.
You guys over here,
you called --
You called billy a snake.
You think he could see?
-I don't know.
-That shit was fucking hard.
That shit was fucking hard.
-All right.
Burnett: So, here's what
we're gonna do tonight.
We're gonna settle the score,
Not for points but
for cold hard cash.
-No way.
-Billy, come on up here.
Mike, come on up.
And elijah, come on up.
-Yeah!
-Fuck.
Man:
I didn't expect...
Dude,
I'm fucking hammered.
I got to see where
the fuck I'm walking.
-Can you see me?
Can you see me?
-No, no.
Burnett:
Here's what it's gonna be.
What we want you
to do is walk forward.
First person to break
the board in two pieces...
-Break a fucking board?
-Board in half.
...Gets the money --
200 bucks.
-Break this board, eli!
-Spin him around.
Once...Twice...
On your mark,
get set, go!
Where do I go?
Where do I go?
Man: There!
Man, you're right there!
Roy:
Bad motherfucker!
Break that motherfucker!
And the winner
is toy machine --
Again!
-Again!
200 bucks of cold,
hard cash.
-Fuckin' earned that!
-All right.
Burnett: This gets us
to our first award --
The hall of meat.
To introduce this one,
we got my boss,
Editor-in-chief
of thrasher magazine,
Mr. Jake phelps,
everybody.
Hello.
How are you?
All right,
first question --
Where does the term
hall of meat come from.
It comes from
the "rocky" franchise.
When apollo creed finally
takes notice of the rock,
He's working out
in that meat locker.
He's putting in the work.
-All right.
We got a little video
to watch --
The best slams of the year.
Let's see them.
Man: Do it, dude.
-Fuck, dude.
-What is that, daniel?
Like, I've never seen anything
like that in my life, actually.
Yeah.
It's like an avocado.
Fuck, dude.
Whoa.
-Aah!
-Shit.
-Oh, fuck.
-Wow.
Ooh.
You all right?
Yeah. Got a thick skull,
I'm pretty sure.
Man: Oh!
--you okay?
Hey. Hall of meat.
Who got it?
-Whoa.
-I filmed it.
Yeah, that is a good
hall of meat thing.
-Whoa!
-Possible broken cheekbone.
Oh. Let's sit down, dude.
You want to sit down?
Phelps:
Okay. Those were all
three heinous hits.
You know I love it.
I've seen them fall, when
you don't get off the ground.
I gave him best trick
a couple years back.
California hot boy -- ra ra.
Come and get it.
Come on up!
Hall of fuckin' meat!
There we go!
-Yeah!
-Yeah.
♪
This is where we get
into some of the hard-core
Skating that goes on
on "king of the road."
This award is for the biggest,
gnarliest rail.
In fact, when you see
a crazy rail
That you don't think
anyone can do,
The question you ask
your buddies is,
"where the fuck
is the muska?"
Let's bring him up --
chad muska!
What up, homies?
What up, what up?
Yeah!
This is the award
for the biggest, craziest,
Most muska-ass rails.
Oh, man.
Where's it at?
Let's see this.
-Let's watch it.
♪
-Fuck yeah.
-Fuckin' check.
Man: Yeah!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Light the rail on fire!
-Oh!
-It's like a barbecue.
Wow! Wow!
Yeah.
So, for the "where the fuck
is the muska award?" --
I'm right here, in case
you didn't notice -- um...
We have jaws
with the 25-stair.
What do you guys
think about that?
Elijah berle
with the 50/50 on fire.
What, what, what?
And last but not least,
alex something --
I don't know how to say
your last name.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I don't
know who the new bros are.
"alex crysbergs."
-Axel!
-Axel!
And it doesn't matter
how I pronounce his name,
'cause he's the winner!
Axel! Axel! Axel!
Wait. And I met him
on the way in, too!
-Thank you.
-Yeah! Thank you.
-Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
-Here you go, homey.
The torch has been passed.
Here you go.
Congratulations, man.
Yes, congrats, my brother.
I'll never forget
your name again.
Yeah! Yeah.
One of the most popular
"king of the road" challenges
Is the makeout challenges.
For some reason,
people love sucking face.
We had two makeout
challenges this year.
The betty white award
For the oldest
silver fox made out with
And the award
for the most makeouts.
Bringing out here
to present this award,
Birdhouse teammate
lizzie armanto.
-Yeah, lizzie.
-There she is, everybody!
Yeah.
Right here.
All right.
If you went on
"king of the road,"
Would you ever take
the makeout challenge?
I don't know. I mean, I'm down
to take one for the team.
Yeah, yeah, I am.
Yeah. Fuck yeah.
First video you're gonna watch
is for the oldest makeout.
Let's check it out.
♪
-Yeah, luth!
-This is it.
-Good to go? All right.
-Thank you!
Whoo!
Fuck you, birdhouse.
-Yeah.
-Yeah? It'll just
take two seconds.
All right, thank you.
Hell yeah.
All right.
Let's back to skating.
You're over 30, right?
Yeah, totally. Hi!
-What's your name?
-I'm carol.
Carol,
nice to meet you.
Roy: Sometimes you got to do
what you got to do.
-Wow.
-All right.
And the winner for
the betty white award is...
Raven tershy.
Fuckin' locking them in.
There you go, buddy. Fuck.
Medals!
Burnett: All right, next one,
most makeouts.
Let's see
how many they did.
♪
Davis: She looks like me.
I look like her.
And, uh...
We're gonna make out.
All right. So I'd say we're off
to an all right start.
We're aiming for 10 a day.
Whoo!
I think that's
the best kiss I got.
That was tight.
That was tight.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, she's gonna
get mad at me.
Armanto: And the winner
is mike davis.
-Good job.
-Gonna need some soap.
Yeah, lizzie.
You get herpes or anything
from any of the kisses?
No, no. I got --
I got checked, no.
I got checked
a couple weeks after,
So I'm all clean,
all y'all out there.
Burnett:
Well, congratulations.
-Fuck, yeah.
-You ready to retire this one?
Yeah, I'm -- I'm done.
Cool.
Because we can't get enough
of this kind of behavior,
After the show,
Anybody on the teams
who can --
The first guy to make out
with 10 different girls
Here at the party,
250 bucks.
-Oh!
-250 bucks.
I'll get it right there.
Axel, are you down?
Excuse me. You want
to get 250 bucks?
250 bucks. It's true.
-Come here. That's one.
-Go get some girls.
Roy:
You guys, start raking it in!
Jereme, get in there!
Jereme, get the fuck in there!
I'm sorry. Wait.
We got three.
Okay.
That was way three.
Who else do we have?
Burnett: All right.
I think we got ourselves
a winner.
- Axel!
♪
Have you mastered this yet?
-Yes. Yes.
-You have?
What's your technique?
What do you got going on?
How much percentage alcohol
You got going on
in these things?
90%.
-90%.
-Yep.
This next guy is so bad-ass,
We named the award after him.
He's one of our
skaters of the year.
Here to introduce the best
transition trick, bob burnquist!
Some people
might not know this,
But you and andy
are former teammates.
-That's right.
-Right?
-Right?
-The yin and yang right here.
But wait! Hey!
Can we just show --
Can we -- turn around,
turn around.
-Show it!
-Do it!
Right fuckin' there!
Fuckin' tramp stamp!
All right, so we're gonna
watch the video now.
♪
Berle:
Holy shit, dude. This is --
this is fuckin' scary.
The winner is...
Elijah berle!
Hell yeah!
Fuck yeah.
-Your shit, man.
-Yeah.
Thanks, bob.
Bob burnquist, everybody!
All right.
This year, we had an award
For the best trick
over a twerker.
Let's watch the video.
♪
You got to twerk while
we do a trick over you.
-Yeah? Perfect.
-Yeah.
The idea is that he's gonna
go off the roof of the van,
And you're gonna be
in front of it.
I can't move my butt
this way.
Scoot as much
over that way --
Yeah, yeah,
you're good like that.
Yes, that's perfect.
All right,
start twerking now.
Whoo!
Rogers:
Yeah, it's just a little --
just -- just a little something.
Yeah, johnny!
♪ shake, twerk,
shake, shake it ♪
♪ twerk, kiss, kiss,
twerk, kiss it ♪
-Send it in!
-Yeah!
So, to present the next award,
We want to welcome queen!
Roy: Fuckin' queen!
Fuck yeah!
What is up, baby?
How you doing?
Where are those shorts
you were wearing?
-Oh!
-Where those shorts at?
When you saw what jaws wanted
to try, were you worried?
No.
I didn't give a fuck.
And the winner is...
Jaws, baby!
Roy:
Yeah! That's real.
Burnett: All right, johnny.
Hey, johnny!
Forrest, we need you up here.
Okay.
You guys are lucky
Because jaqueena is
gonna teach you guys
How to twerk right now.
-Jaws, come on!
Y'all got to twerk!
You want to win some money?
Y-a-a-a-a-a-ay.
Twerk, twerk, twerk!
Let me see you twerk,
twerk, twerk, twerk, twerk.
-Yeah, johnny!
-Who won? Who won?
-Ah.
-That was it.
I'm-a keep it real.
I got to give it to...
Forrest, you got that.
You did that.
Burnett: All right.
The next award
Is for the best trick
on a handrail.
And to present it,
We got the best
handrail skater of all time.
The nyjah's gnar gnar award --
nyjah huston.
Thanks buddy, thanks for coming.
Have you met andy before?
-Hey how you doing man?
How you doing?
-Yeah.
You went on
"king of the road" last year.
Would you ever go again?
-Hell yeah.
-You're down?
-Yeah, I'd be down.
-All right.
It's -- it's gnarly,
but it's fun. Good experience.
This trick
is named after you.
It's for the hardest
handrail tricks.
Let's check them out.
-Let's do it.
♪
Wow.
That is so sick.
Oh! Yeah!
♪ waste my time
Just a little bit
past the line.
♪ waste my time
♪ waste my time
And the winner is...
Axel cruysberghs.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, dawg. Appreciate it.
That was sick, dude.
Fuck yeah.
-Thanks, man.
Here you go, homey.
Once again,
there you go, man.
There you go.
Yeah.
♪
When you get on this trip,
a lot of these guys,
They're like a family.
And just like a family,
They're not afraid to fuckin'
talk shit to each other.
Let's watch this clip.
♪
All right, well,
you better shut the fuck up
If you think you're
talking about me.
Sinclair:
Billy motherfuckin' marks,
50 points.
Roast beef? Is that what
you're bragging about?
So don't look at me
like I wasn't doing shit.
You fat piece of shit.
-Congratulations.
You got two things.
Me and billy, we've traveled
across the world together
For the past 15 years.
"fat piece of shit."
We bicker, fight,
insult each other.
Bill is trying to tell us
That if he was
skating right now,
He would've already done it.
-No, I didn't say that.
-'cause he's that good.
I would've waited
till a different rail.
You can't postpone
on "king of the road."
-That's the thing.
-You've postponed how much shit?
Let's see. He hasn't driven
over 50 the whole trip.
You're fuckin'
blowing it, mike.
That's on the list.
But I'm telling you,
if you're burning the --
Do not under-fuckin'-stand
that?
He buys a $15 jacket
and turns into the fonz.
Fuckin' sit down.
I'll remember that shit,
bill.
Bill, $100 worth
of scratchers -- butt chug.
No way.
I think we have
a signed agreement here.
Butt chugging bill
every Wednesday night.
You like that show?
Tune in --
"butt chuggin' bill,"
Every Wednesday night
after midnight.
Hey, billy,
What is your biggest
complaint about mike?
He sucks!
Look at him.
He fuckin' sucks.
All right, mike, what bugs
you the most about bill?
Look at him.
Motherfucker.
All right.
What's the worst thing
he's ever done to you?!
Worst thing.
He got me the job,
so I'm done for life.
I'm done for life.
-Set for life.
All right, so, next up,
To help us with our
next presentation,
We've got the owner
Of the bloodsucking toy machine
skateboard company,
Mr. Ed templeton!
Yes!
Ed, when I say "tater tot,"
What's the first thing
that comes to mind?
My wife.
Just calls her
the tater tot.
So, helping us
with this challenge,
We've got another legend,
The weirdo of watsonville,
mr. Jason jessee.
-Thanks.
-Okay.
So, you guys are gonna
help us settle this score
With bill and mike
for big money.
Is billy over there?
-He's taking a piss.
All right.
-Oh, what?
What, what?
-Mike, bill --
You guys stay there.
Mike, bill, hop up.
Dude, do I have to do more,
like, physical shit?
'cause I'm fuckin'...
-Right here.
Stand here.
Who do you want?
Do you want ed or jason?
-Ed. Ed.
-Okay.
So you're with jason jessee.
This is how it's gonna work.
Whoever can catch the most
tater tots in their mouth
In 30 seconds
wins $200, cash.
All right, go!
-Fuckin' a.
-Oh! Oh!
Come on!
We got 10 seconds.
10, 9...
8, 7...
6, 5...
4, 3...
2, 1!
That's time!
That's time!
And the winner
is billy marks!
You got the money for him?
-There's a lot in there.
-Thanks, buddy.
For our next challenge,
We want to bring out
all the company owners.
So, without further ado,
Our 1994 skater of the year,
mike carroll.
All right. And the owner
of birdhouse skateboards.
-Yeah!
-Might have heard of him.
1990 skater of the year,
mr. Tony hawk!
Yeah, dude!
-Thanks for coming.
-Thank you. How are you?
All right.
This challenge is called
How well do you know
your team?
I'm gonna ask you
a series of questions.
For every wrong answer,
You're gonna have
to eat a doughnut.
A whole doughnut?
And, ed, the doughnuts
are vegan.
Roy: They're organic!
I made them myself.
And for you guys,
I'm sorry --
The doughnuts are vegan.
Okay.
-You got to eat the whole one?
Number one, for tony hawk.
What stance is mike davis?
Mike davis is...
He's goofy, right?
-Regular foot.
Oh. He switched, though.
Ed templeton, for your quiz,
Spell axel's last name.
C-r-u-s-b-e...
Man: It's on the board
right there.
...G-h-s.
Incorrect.
There's a "y" in it.
Oh!
It's not correct.
Ed, come on, man.
We got a --
we got a shot in this thing.
Question number one
for mike carroll,
On which hand is raven
missing part of his fingers?
Carroll: Uh...
His right.
Incorrect.
There you go.
Bammo. Perfect.
There you go.
Question number two
for tony.
I don't want any more
doughnuts, please.
No, you ha--
no! Bullshit!
This is "king of the
fuckin' road," tony!
Fuckin' bullshit!
-Are you ready?
-No.
For what company
did ben raybourn turn pro?
Slave.
1031.
I washed my hands before!
I promise.
Question number two
for ed templeton.
What is billy's
wife's name?
-Ashley.
-Correct!
Yeah!
Mike carroll,
second question.
You were 1994
skater of the year.
-Yes.
Which of your
"king of the road"
Team riders
was born in 1994?
Johnny jones.
elijah berle.
Get it? Yeah!
All right.
Tony, the last question.
This is an easy one.
How many stairs
did jaws melon grab
For his recent
world-record-breaking cover?
It's, uh -- it's 25.
correct!
Let's give it up
for all of our team owners!
Thanks, you guys.
Tots? Pass to down,
just take it.
♪
"king of the road"
is a great time
To test out
a new team rider.
And in this case, we had two
new guys this year --
Johnny jones with chocolate
And axel cruysberghs
with toy machine.
Let's see how they did.
♪
Muller: The first couple trips
that you go on as, like,
A flow dude are
really important.
You have to get along
with everybody.
You need to bust your ass.
-Oh!
-You need to show that
You're willing to do
whatever needs to be done.
Hey, lee, can you film
johnny drink
His piss real quick?
Yes!
You swallow that shit.
Dude, fuckin' gross.
Motherfuckers.
Johnny motherfuckin' jones.
Jones: I haven't traveled
too much outside of l.A.
Actually, I used to always watch
"king of the road."
It's a dream come true for me.
Marks: He's insane.
Super-talented.
Lutheran: I can't even say
his last name.
Starts with "c,"
like "cruxenberg."
-"crowsburg."
-he dances to euro music.
Good song, eh?
Song's from belgium.
What the baryshnikov?
Did you see the push?
Fuck yeah, that push was
amazing. It was delicate.
-What's about to go down?
-I want to get a piercing.
Wasn't even bad.
Axel can skate tranny and
fucking rails, stairs.
Man: Stand back.
Sinclair: Axel's tough.
No one's, like,
turned off by axel.
I think everybody's
in awe of him.
-Wow. He's fucking good.
-So, I understand
That you have a special
announcement to make.
I do.
- Thank you so much.
Like to welcome
this guy toy machine.
-Oww!
Dude, straight up.
He's on the team.
There's no question about it.
-Thank you.
-Axel, cheers.
Drink up.
-Yeah!
Fuck yes.
Ed, what did it take
for axel to get on the team?
Just shredding,
in general, man.
Billy called me and said,
"this guy should go
from flow to pro."
Congratulations!
Maybe we need to just
go right to pro with him.
I don't even know.
But we're stoked to welcome him.
He's just been incredible
this whole time.
Boy, things got
heated this year.
Really heated.
Especially between
chocolate and birdhouse.
Let's watch the tape.
Roll tape.
Oh, my god.
You can see him
right up there.
-Yeah.
-Get him.
Ah, these fuckers
are back.
-Oh! Got him!
-Fuck yeah!
Aah!
Caked his ass.
Got stevie.
Motherfuckers, we got you!
I just snuck up.
We know the skate park
they're at.
And, uh, I let the air
out of their tire.
-Who was it?
-Uh, it was chocolate.
Tony hawk, we love you,
but your teammates...
-Whoa!
-Ha ha! Got it!
Chocolate, fuck you.
Rogers:
Bend down. Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
-Keep fuckin' pushing, dude.
-Get the fuck out of here!
It got taken
too far this time.
Fuck that!
He's got a fuckin' knife!
Man: Dude, you fuckin' hit him
with a skateboard.
Seriously?
Rogers:
Hey, well, you shouldn't have
laid your hands on him.
You shouldn't have
put your hands on him.
-He just stabbed a fucking tire.
-Yeah, well, one led to another.
You shouldn't have done it.
You broke the contact barrier.
We got food,
if you guys are hungry.
Man: Hell yeah.
-Birdhouse, no service!
-Am I allowed?
For real, am I not
allowed to eat?
All right.
Well,
then we're not gonna eat.
Burnett: Whoa! Whoa!
Some strong talk.
Some hurt feelings.
I don't know.
It got crazy.
The only thing
that I truly know
Is that clint
got the last hit in.
And that just --
that's not fair.
But he's down to, like,
try to even things out.
So, everybody -- this includes
our birdhouse friends --
We're gonna have
a good-natured tomato toss.
Everybody, come on up.
-No, no, no. Hey, hey, hey.
Clint and I square up
onstage right now
For some points right now.
Where's he at?
There he is right there.
Hey, clint, do you have
any last words?
Dude, I guess.
Yeah, hey.
Here we fuckin' are, dude.
-Any last -- oh, my god!
-Hey, here we go!
Oh, my god!
-30 seconds!
-Go, go, go!
-Oh!
Walker: Oh, my!
Burnett: Time, time! All right,
all right, that's enough.
All right.
Oh!
All right. Oh, my god.
Okay, miss.
Miss.
Fuckin' a.
The fuck out of my way
Before I fuckin' eat
you alive, motherfucker!
Oh, no! What is this?
Watch the fuckin' video!
♪
We need foamier cream.
All right!
I'm ready to rock, baby!
Give your dad
a big hug.
Oh, I'm proud of you.
Man: Let me know if you want
some help, jer.
Hell yeah, baby.
-What the fuck?
It's as much as I could
cover this thing up.
-Yes!
-Thank you for sticking with me.
-Hey, yeah!
-I'm about to do it.
Aah!
Fuck you guys! Holy fuck!
Fuckin' winner --
jereme fuckin' rogers!
Okay, on this trip,
halfway through,
You get a special guest.
This guy jumps in the van,
and they hand him the book
And point to the hardest
fuckin' tricks,
And they say, "this is what
we need you to do."
This is the mystery guest mvp.
The mystery guests this year
were jereme rogers,
Heath kirchart,
and forrest edwards.
So, with 130 points,
In third place,
the legend, heath kirchart.
He's not even here.
He's not even here.
Second place --
this guy put it down
With 400 points --
forrest edwards.
Which means,
with a whopping 550 points,
The winner is jereme rogers,
Mystery guest mvp.
Who is this lady?
Fuck.
Medals! Our teams are medal-ed
up.
Medal-ed up. The team is
medal-ed up.
Hey, let me get a quick
question with you.
What was the hardest
part of being
On "king of the road"
this year?
Lying about it and saying
I wouldn't do it again,
and then I did.
Because vice was covering,
I thought it'd be a good idea.
Career opportunity.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-All right, thanks, buddy.
Jereme rogers, everybody.
♪
Burnett:
The mvp is the dude on each team
That earned the most points.
Here to introduce the mvps,
The classiest guy we know...
...Our 2015 skater
of the fuckin' year,
Anthony van engelen.
It's a fucking mess
up here.
What's up, sir?
How you doing?
And the nominees are,
for chocolate,
Elijah berle...
-Yeah!
...For toy machine,
alex fuckin'...
-Axel cruysberghs.
-...Krustyburger.
Axel cruysberghs.
Uh, and birdhouse,
we got jaws.
These are the guys that got
the most points for their team.
Let's watch the video.
♪
Is there a room
under the name axel?
♪
Shit!
Man: Yes!
Right fucking here!
Whoo!
Oh, my god.
♪
♪
Yeah!
Elijah berle.
Where is he?
Yeah. Hell yeah.
Appreciate that, guys.
Yeah. I'm proud of you.
Fuckin' a, dude.
-Whoo! Cheers.
-Elijah berle, everybody!
-Oh, okay.
-Yeah, boy!
Here to present the coveted
phelper's choice
For best trick done
on "king of the road,"
My friend jake phelps.
Little bit of gallagher
out here, little nickelodeon,
Little bit everything.
Okay, I get to call
it phelper's choice
'cause it's for what --
we're gonna watch the video.
Oh, we're gonna watch the video.
I'm sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
It's kind of the end
of the rainbow here.
♪
Dude, this is crazy.
We're on top of the hill.
We're on top, baby.
Elijah berle.
I saw two of the other bombs
down the hills and shit,
And I was like,
"this shit's weak."
Look how fast that dude's going.
He was blazing faster
Than most people can go down
a normal fuckin' hill.
And then he's -- d'aah!
-Oh, my god.
That shows raw commitment.
"I don't give a fuck" --
that's what that says to me.
-Oh, god.
-Raven tershy.
The roll-in on that thing --
People have been
skating that thing,
Getting toed at it
by motorcycles.
But then the couch
goes up there barefoot,
Rockin' raven...
Fuck, dude. Fuck!
Man:
You got it, ra.
Oh, fuckin' shit.
Yes!
Yeah, that's
fuckin' gnarbuckle.
Gnarbuckle!
Elijah berle.
He nose grinded over
the top of that,
And then most people
would just stop and then go,
"did you film that?
Did you get that?"
No, he just fuckin' wally'd
The ever-lovin' shit
out of that thing
And took it way
down the mountain
To the other side.
All three of those meant
"I don't give a fuck,"
Period, the end.
All right!
Hey. I got to say,
you know, it's --
My guilty pleasure
is watching people
Get served the fuck up.
But when they get it,
I'm always there,
The first one to pat you
on the back and say,
"you know you asked for it."
But when you step through
and you make it,
You're fucking king
of the fuckin' road.
-Whoo!
-I already know
who fuckin' won it.
Elijah motherfuckin' berle.
That's my guy.
Oh!
I could've broke
every bone in my body.
Yeah. No, I got you.
I had your back, bro.
I had your back.
All right, that's it.
-Hell yeah, phelper.
-All right, thanks.
Always.
Anything you want to say?
Wally the ever-lovin' shit
out of it, dude.
Um, first or last, baby.
That's all I got to say.
All right. All right.
Hell of a trophy.
See this right here?
You all wish --
you all wish you had it.
Yeah, you wish, motherfuckers!
Come and get it.
Billy? You got it?
Burnett:
Okay. No problem.
-I don't know.
-You never know.
-Oh, my god!
-Yeah!
Burnett:
You guys ready to hear it?
In third place --
This is for the trophy,
The 50 grand,
He cover of thrasher magazine,
The title king of the road.
In third place...
The long walk home.
...Toy machine!
Hasta la vista, baby.
Can we get the birdhouse guys
in a fight here?
No!
Can we get the birdhouse
guys to stand up, right?
We're gonna do a little
angle thing right here.
-I hope you guys got it.
-Right here.
Thank you, johnny.
Keep killing it, man.
Can we, uh -- can we get
the chocolate team
To line up out here?
Phelps: But you fucking
killed it, dawg!
Yeah, forrest.
I like this shit.
-All right.
-How much? How much?
Fuck your shit!
Getting the fuck out
of here.
Get you to stand right here.
Can we get you
to stand right here?
Jerome, can you come
stand right here?
Perfect, perfect.
Flying v.
Flying v. And then you guys
will be on this side.
Can you help?
Can you get the guys?
Okay, cool.
Yeah, I'll be right here.
Let me hit the joint,
raven!
Yeah! Come on!
Phelps: Hey, stand up.
Over here, you guys. Flare out.
All right,
this was a great year.
I want to thank
everybody who went on
"king of the road"...
And everybody
who came here tonight
To see this fantastic thing!
All right.
And the winner
of "king of the road" is...
Birdhouse!
Walker:
Three times, motherfucker!
Three times, motherfucker!
Fuck everybody.
Fuck everybody.
Let's fuckin' go home, baby!
All right, let's go home, baby.
Let's go home.
Hey, fuckin' get it,
motherfuckers!
Third time, motherfuckers!
-That was a trip.
Hawk:
Awesome. Good job.
Good times, man.
You guys are killing it.
Good times.
-Whoo!
-Three times, motherfucker!
♪
-Oh!
-Oh!
-Oh-ho-ho-ho!
-Yes, dude!
Can you help us
out for a second?
I don't even remember
doing this!
Yes, dude.
So fuckin' stoked.
Man: Mike, mike.
♪
♪ I live my life every night
on the dark side ♪
♪ I died a thousand times
♪ I'm somehow still alive
♪ over the sands of time
♪ when the earth was green
♪ sights and sounds unseen,
unseen in the naked eye ♪
♪ by the time I realized
♪ we were all gonna die
♪ it was too late
♪ one foot in the grave
♪ the other on the way
Check!
---
Please do not attempt to perform
Any of these stunts
or activities in this show.
'cause they are
super dangerous --
Crazy-wild dangerous.
The stunts seen are either
performed by professionals
Or under the supervision
of professionals --
Serious professionals.
This show also contains
bad language.
Burnett:
Welcome to "king of the road"!
This is the end.
The fuck out of my way
Before I fucking eat
you alive, motherfucker!
Oh, no! What is this?
Who is that?
Watch the fucking video!
-Yeah! Holy shit.
-Holy shit.
Fuckin' a.
♪ raw oysters, texas pete
♪ sea urchin on the reef
♪ sour cheeseburger bit to eat
♪ lick butter goes with keef
♪ into the cocoa leaf
♪ fresh maggots on my teeth,
they're cheap ♪
♪ oh, baby!
♪
Being responsible
for judging is like,
Unless it's a race,
It's always gonna be
somebody's opinion.
Luckily, I've been a fan
of skateboarding
For a long, long time,
And we've done
"king of the road" 11 times,
So I go with my gut,
and I call it.
And sometimes you just go,
"I like that one better."
You know?
It's like art, bro.
Who wins in art?
Tonight is the big award show.
We've gone through
all the footage,
We've gone through the books,
And tonight, we're going to
announce the big winner.
It's gonna be fucked up,
but it's gonna be fun.
We're gonna have
two gonz boards,
The full circle,
10 boards apiece.
They will be the magical portals
Through which our guests
And our presenters
will walk through into
The "king of the road" finale.
Anybody drops it in the pool
with this,
They automatically win.
We'll throw out
all the scores.
Jesus.
This is the first time
we've ever done this.
We've got jake phelps,
our editor, here to help,
And it's gonna be me and andy
hosting this weird award show.
-Teams on one side, one side...
-Yeah, they'll be on each side.
They'll be split
down the middle.
So the team
that's got third is
Probably already
hammered, right?
They're already sitting.
They don't even get
to get up.
You know what I mean.
They're hammered.
"who's in third place?"
"these guys."
All the guests are invited
and the kids
And the fans,
and they can --
It's a free-for-all
in the pool.
And then grindline's gonna
fuckin' land us
Some killer jams.
-Hello?
-This way, right?
-Okay.
-Hey, how's it going?
Man:
Oh, here it comes.
It's good, right?
Do you like it?
Man: Hell yeah.
The black cauldron's been
with us for a long time.
And it -- it travels
and it rolls constantly.
We got everything, 'cause we got
the whole band in the back.
We're here because our band
started playing music as a joke,
And then, all of a sudden,
people started really liking it.
So there's a sampler in here.
You dropped your burrito.
The cauldron is a vessel,
You know, to another dimension.
You know, what a cauldron is.
It's like a...
It's like --
It's a big pot full of shit,
you know, full of stuff --
Spells, potions,
oil, boil, bubble, and trouble.
You know what I mean?
The cauldron.
Right now, all the teams
are in town.
Mm-hmm.
And they're all, like,
at a house,
Watching all the rest
of the shows.
Mm-hmm.
-Hey, what's up?
-Howdy.
You guys used me
as a clown.
-Ready, player.
-I know. It's full.
Yeah, tonight's the finale,
so we're just getting ready.
Watching some of the
"king of the road" episodes.
Waiting for ra ra
to get here.
Smyth: And we've been driving
all night since, uh,
4:00 yesterday
from austin, texas.
We got a flat at 2:00 a.M.
And had to wait
for the tire truck.
What's up, guys?
My doggy.
A tire blew out when
we were going like 90.
- Yes!
Man:
Eli is a beast.
A decade ago, he was 11
or 12 at the time.
He was this little kid
that I kind of had
Some type of endearment towards,
So I thought he was cool.
What?!
Talk to me
when you're 30, eli.
♪ happy birthday, big mike
♪ happy birthday to you
Sinclair: We're at
blake carpenter's house,
Invited everybody over.
It's my birthday.
Too bad I got to spend it
with this idiot still.
But, uh -- hey.
So...
Tonight, we're gonna, um,
I guess go to the grand finale.
Finale. Finale.
See how many points
billy really got.
I got a lot, dude.
Talked a big game.
Mvp.
He chopped him
in half, dude.
-Whoo!
-Oh, my god!
-Shit.
-Wow!
Yeah, forrest.
Man: Yeah, forrest!
Mvp-ness!
It's like a recap.
Looking at it's like,
we went on it to,
Like, be contenders.
We didn't go on it like,
"we're fucking doing this!
We're winning!"
It's like, we just went,
and we had a good time,
And the dudes did rad shit.
Yeah, that might work.
Young:
Birdhouse team's here,
And they've called me up to view
The "king of the road"
final episode.
Of course I said,
"come on over," you know?
Got clint, clive, and jaws.
Jaws is always one
of my favorites.
We're about to take a look
At the last couple of episodes,
so it should be, uh --
Should be pretty wild,
should be fun.
-Jackie.
-Jackie?
-Thank you, jackie.
-This is aaron.
-He goes by "jaws," though.
-Aaron. Oh, jaws?
Good thing that, uh -- that
l.A. Sparks game got out.
Scoot as much
over that way --
Yeah, yeah,
you're good like that.
Yes, like --
that's perfect. That's perfect.
She was getting it.
-Ooh!
-Oh, my god, dude!
Are you fuckin'
kidding me?
Fuckin' great.
-Yes!
-Dude.
-Oh.
-Wow.
-That's insane, man.
-Wow.
Yes, sir!
You got a fuckin'
hat on, man.
Wait. What?
Butt chug?
What does that mean,
dude?
Fuckin' snap the beer open,
fuckin' pull it out.
Dude, that's crazy.
This is so bad.
You're gonna have to lean it
back just a little bit.
My back hurts.
Aah.
-You're stretching.
-There you go.
Oh, dude!
It's so gnarly, dude!
This is so much worse
than watching aaron do it.
That's so much worse.
Did that count?
Man, this is some bullshit.
♪ there's no reason why
Rogers: Johnny, come on.
♪ but everything was...
Just do it there.
Yeah, do it.
Stop and do it again.
Just do it and then
keep pushing.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
-Keep fuckin' pushing, dude.
-Get the fuck out of here!
No one touched you.
Oh, was that it?
Walker: Gonna fuckin' throw
a fucking rock
In your face, motherfucker!
-Fuck!
-Chill the fuck out!
Walker:
What the fuck, dude?!
Hey, you shouldn't have
put your hands on johnny.
That's a person.
You shouldn't have touched him.
That wasn't okay.
You broke the contact barrier!
"you broke
the contact barrier!"
Yep, and you literally
just touched a man
Skateboarding that
could've got hurt.
We don't even exist
in this scene.
I didn't even know shit
was that heated there, dude.
I was just telling
axel to get it.
Oh, it was heated.
That's it!
We're skateboarding!
Yeah -- no, no! We should
be just skateboarding,
not hitting people.
And I'm literally saying
sorry to every fucking
one of you guys!
Well, then stop yelling it!
Then calm down and do it right.
Then do it right.
No, let him do it right.
-Fuck your apology, bitch.
-Apologize right, then.
You don't yell apologies.
Have a good day, clint.
I mean, that thing
all sucks, you know?
It sucks that it happened,
but it's like,
I think the same shit
would've happened had
We went over to their --
If they hadn't
slashed our tire,
I think it would've been
a full-on fight, so...
- Fucking cunt bitch.
It's over, bill.
-What do you mean that's it?
-That's all we get, bill.
Oh, no!
Would you do it again?
Oh, yeah, in an instant.
Man:
I would be pretty impressed
With another team
if they beat us.
Yeah, if somebody
beat us, they just --
They just have
to try, like --
They just have to
stay up late as we did
And try as hard as we did,
which is crazy.
I'm rooting for chocolate.
You motherfucker.
I'm rooting for toy machine,
you fuckin' idiot.
Well, yeah, of course.
But if we lose,
you want it to go to birdhouse
Or you want it
to go to chocolate?
I'd rather have chocolate,
but what I'm trying --
Well, that's what the fuck
I'm trying to say.
No, you said you're
rooting for chocolate.
I am.
I'm rooting
for toy machine.
Well, me too.
That's why you're the worst
fuckin' team manager ever.
Billy got divorced
during "king of the road."
You guys want to
talk about that?
♪
Hey, everybody!
2015! Thrasher!
"king of the fuckin' road"!
Let's get this
fuckin' shit jumpin'!
Let's go.
We got jello shots
for you guys to get fucked up!
Black out! Everybody fuckin'
black out right now!
Yes, dude!
The contact barrier
has been broken.
Welcome to "king of the road."
This is the end.
Tonight, we find out everything.
Biggest grind, worst slam.
Did billy pee weird?
Everything will be revealed.
We're gonna give out awards
for the highest, longest, most,
And we're gonna announce
who won this fuckin' thing.
They get $50,000,
Which is the most
we've ever had to give out.
They get the beautiful trophy.
And most importantly,
They get the most valuable
real estate
In all of skateboarding --
He cover of thrasher magazine.
Make some fuckin' noise!
♪
Thanks for coming tonight.
Our band tonight,
You may know him
from his incredible skate parks
All over the universe.
Mark hubbard
and grindline the band.
Holy shit.
Are you talking to me?
Thanks, mark.
Thank you.
And my co-host
for the evening,
You know him from his work
with antihero skateboards,
A one-man scared-straight
program, mr. Andy roy.
Fire! Light the fuckin' place
on fuckin' fire.
All right.
You know what?
We can write down
these funny ideas
In these little books
all we want,
But it ain't shit
without the dudes
Who get in the van.
So I want to bring
these guys in right now.
Your hometown skate team,
L.A.'s favorite sons,
chocolate skateboards.
Grab a margarita you guys.
Hey fucking take a seat.
Hey fucking...
Hey! I ask people nicely
not to touch my hair.
Over here,
in beagle-rita ville,
Our bartender
for tonight, beagle!
Next up, the bump-to-bar
barbarians,
Toy machine!
All right.
And last but not least,
The defending champs, birdhouse!
We're gonna go
down memory lane.
First thing we did was
go to marginal way.
Oh, fuck.
Now we're
gonna play the clip.
Let's check it out.
First rule of this is,
there's no fuckin' rules.
You can elbow! Knock
a motherfucker off his board!
On your marks,
get set, go!
Yeah!
Yeah!
-Oww!
-Fuck!
Yeah!
Fuck!
-The winner is ben raybourn!
-Bullshit!
-He was just hanging
on my shirt.
-I saw that, dude!
Wouldn't let go.
My fuckin' goddamn shirt.
-All right.
-Holy shit.
Whoever puts the board
together the fastest
And snap the fuckin'
board in half!
And you guys are
gonna be blindfolded!
Phelps: Fuck yeah!
Go, go, go!
-Billy!
-Yeah!
Man: By your left knee.
By your left knee.
-Come on, man!
-You got it!
You've been doing this
your whole fucking life!
Phelps: Come on, mike!
It's over.
We have a winner!
That's what's gonna win
this shit is fuckin' teamwork.
Burnett: Dan lu?
You called him out.
You seemed pretty upset
about that shirt grab.
Oh, yeah.
Would he have won?
-Fuck, yeah.
-Yeah, guaranteed.
More importantly, though, billy,
could you see?
-No. No, I had dan lu
right there.
-That was good.
These other guys are retarded
and didn't think of it.
-Yeah.
-No, no cheating.
You guys over here,
you called --
You called billy a snake.
You think he could see?
-I don't know.
-That shit was fucking hard.
That shit was fucking hard.
-All right.
Burnett: So, here's what
we're gonna do tonight.
We're gonna settle the score,
Not for points but
for cold hard cash.
-No way.
-Billy, come on up here.
Mike, come on up.
And elijah, come on up.
-Yeah!
-Fuck.
Man:
I didn't expect...
Dude,
I'm fucking hammered.
I got to see where
the fuck I'm walking.
-Can you see me?
Can you see me?
-No, no.
Burnett:
Here's what it's gonna be.
What we want you
to do is walk forward.
First person to break
the board in two pieces...
-Break a fucking board?
-Board in half.
...Gets the money --
200 bucks.
-Break this board, eli!
-Spin him around.
Once...Twice...
On your mark,
get set, go!
Where do I go?
Where do I go?
Man: There!
Man, you're right there!
Roy:
Bad motherfucker!
Break that motherfucker!
And the winner
is toy machine --
Again!
-Again!
200 bucks of cold,
hard cash.
-Fuckin' earned that!
-All right.
Burnett: This gets us
to our first award --
The hall of meat.
To introduce this one,
we got my boss,
Editor-in-chief
of thrasher magazine,
Mr. Jake phelps,
everybody.
Hello.
How are you?
All right,
first question --
Where does the term
hall of meat come from.
It comes from
the "rocky" franchise.
When apollo creed finally
takes notice of the rock,
He's working out
in that meat locker.
He's putting in the work.
-All right.
We got a little video
to watch --
The best slams of the year.
Let's see them.
Man: Do it, dude.
-Fuck, dude.
-What is that, daniel?
Like, I've never seen anything
like that in my life, actually.
Yeah.
It's like an avocado.
Fuck, dude.
Whoa.
-Aah!
-Shit.
-Oh, fuck.
-Wow.
Ooh.
You all right?
Yeah. Got a thick skull,
I'm pretty sure.
Man: Oh!
--you okay?
Hey. Hall of meat.
Who got it?
-Whoa.
-I filmed it.
Yeah, that is a good
hall of meat thing.
-Whoa!
-Possible broken cheekbone.
Oh. Let's sit down, dude.
You want to sit down?
Phelps:
Okay. Those were all
three heinous hits.
You know I love it.
I've seen them fall, when
you don't get off the ground.
I gave him best trick
a couple years back.
California hot boy -- ra ra.
Come and get it.
Come on up!
Hall of fuckin' meat!
There we go!
-Yeah!
-Yeah.
♪
This is where we get
into some of the hard-core
Skating that goes on
on "king of the road."
This award is for the biggest,
gnarliest rail.
In fact, when you see
a crazy rail
That you don't think
anyone can do,
The question you ask
your buddies is,
"where the fuck
is the muska?"
Let's bring him up --
chad muska!
What up, homies?
What up, what up?
Yeah!
This is the award
for the biggest, craziest,
Most muska-ass rails.
Oh, man.
Where's it at?
Let's see this.
-Let's watch it.
♪
-Fuck yeah.
-Fuckin' check.
Man: Yeah!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Light the rail on fire!
-Oh!
-It's like a barbecue.
Wow! Wow!
Yeah.
So, for the "where the fuck
is the muska award?" --
I'm right here, in case
you didn't notice -- um...
We have jaws
with the 25-stair.
What do you guys
think about that?
Elijah berle
with the 50/50 on fire.
What, what, what?
And last but not least,
alex something --
I don't know how to say
your last name.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I don't
know who the new bros are.
"alex crysbergs."
-Axel!
-Axel!
And it doesn't matter
how I pronounce his name,
'cause he's the winner!
Axel! Axel! Axel!
Wait. And I met him
on the way in, too!
-Thank you.
-Yeah! Thank you.
-Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
-Here you go, homey.
The torch has been passed.
Here you go.
Congratulations, man.
Yes, congrats, my brother.
I'll never forget
your name again.
Yeah! Yeah.
One of the most popular
"king of the road" challenges
Is the makeout challenges.
For some reason,
people love sucking face.
We had two makeout
challenges this year.
The betty white award
For the oldest
silver fox made out with
And the award
for the most makeouts.
Bringing out here
to present this award,
Birdhouse teammate
lizzie armanto.
-Yeah, lizzie.
-There she is, everybody!
Yeah.
Right here.
All right.
If you went on
"king of the road,"
Would you ever take
the makeout challenge?
I don't know. I mean, I'm down
to take one for the team.
Yeah, yeah, I am.
Yeah. Fuck yeah.
First video you're gonna watch
is for the oldest makeout.
Let's check it out.
♪
-Yeah, luth!
-This is it.
-Good to go? All right.
-Thank you!
Whoo!
Fuck you, birdhouse.
-Yeah.
-Yeah? It'll just
take two seconds.
All right, thank you.
Hell yeah.
All right.
Let's back to skating.
You're over 30, right?
Yeah, totally. Hi!
-What's your name?
-I'm carol.
Carol,
nice to meet you.
Roy: Sometimes you got to do
what you got to do.
-Wow.
-All right.
And the winner for
the betty white award is...
Raven tershy.
Fuckin' locking them in.
There you go, buddy. Fuck.
Medals!
Burnett: All right, next one,
most makeouts.
Let's see
how many they did.
♪
Davis: She looks like me.
I look like her.
And, uh...
We're gonna make out.
All right. So I'd say we're off
to an all right start.
We're aiming for 10 a day.
Whoo!
I think that's
the best kiss I got.
That was tight.
That was tight.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, she's gonna
get mad at me.
Armanto: And the winner
is mike davis.
-Good job.
-Gonna need some soap.
Yeah, lizzie.
You get herpes or anything
from any of the kisses?
No, no. I got --
I got checked, no.
I got checked
a couple weeks after,
So I'm all clean,
all y'all out there.
Burnett:
Well, congratulations.
-Fuck, yeah.
-You ready to retire this one?
Yeah, I'm -- I'm done.
Cool.
Because we can't get enough
of this kind of behavior,
After the show,
Anybody on the teams
who can --
The first guy to make out
with 10 different girls
Here at the party,
250 bucks.
-Oh!
-250 bucks.
I'll get it right there.
Axel, are you down?
Excuse me. You want
to get 250 bucks?
250 bucks. It's true.
-Come here. That's one.
-Go get some girls.
Roy:
You guys, start raking it in!
Jereme, get in there!
Jereme, get the fuck in there!
I'm sorry. Wait.
We got three.
Okay.
That was way three.
Who else do we have?
Burnett: All right.
I think we got ourselves
a winner.
- Axel!
♪
Have you mastered this yet?
-Yes. Yes.
-You have?
What's your technique?
What do you got going on?
How much percentage alcohol
You got going on
in these things?
90%.
-90%.
-Yep.
This next guy is so bad-ass,
We named the award after him.
He's one of our
skaters of the year.
Here to introduce the best
transition trick, bob burnquist!
Some people
might not know this,
But you and andy
are former teammates.
-That's right.
-Right?
-Right?
-The yin and yang right here.
But wait! Hey!
Can we just show --
Can we -- turn around,
turn around.
-Show it!
-Do it!
Right fuckin' there!
Fuckin' tramp stamp!
All right, so we're gonna
watch the video now.
♪
Berle:
Holy shit, dude. This is --
this is fuckin' scary.
The winner is...
Elijah berle!
Hell yeah!
Fuck yeah.
-Your shit, man.
-Yeah.
Thanks, bob.
Bob burnquist, everybody!
All right.
This year, we had an award
For the best trick
over a twerker.
Let's watch the video.
♪
You got to twerk while
we do a trick over you.
-Yeah? Perfect.
-Yeah.
The idea is that he's gonna
go off the roof of the van,
And you're gonna be
in front of it.
I can't move my butt
this way.
Scoot as much
over that way --
Yeah, yeah,
you're good like that.
Yes, that's perfect.
All right,
start twerking now.
Whoo!
Rogers:
Yeah, it's just a little --
just -- just a little something.
Yeah, johnny!
♪ shake, twerk,
shake, shake it ♪
♪ twerk, kiss, kiss,
twerk, kiss it ♪
-Send it in!
-Yeah!
So, to present the next award,
We want to welcome queen!
Roy: Fuckin' queen!
Fuck yeah!
What is up, baby?
How you doing?
Where are those shorts
you were wearing?
-Oh!
-Where those shorts at?
When you saw what jaws wanted
to try, were you worried?
No.
I didn't give a fuck.
And the winner is...
Jaws, baby!
Roy:
Yeah! That's real.
Burnett: All right, johnny.
Hey, johnny!
Forrest, we need you up here.
Okay.
You guys are lucky
Because jaqueena is
gonna teach you guys
How to twerk right now.
-Jaws, come on!
Y'all got to twerk!
You want to win some money?
Y-a-a-a-a-a-ay.
Twerk, twerk, twerk!
Let me see you twerk,
twerk, twerk, twerk, twerk.
-Yeah, johnny!
-Who won? Who won?
-Ah.
-That was it.
I'm-a keep it real.
I got to give it to...
Forrest, you got that.
You did that.
Burnett: All right.
The next award
Is for the best trick
on a handrail.
And to present it,
We got the best
handrail skater of all time.
The nyjah's gnar gnar award --
nyjah huston.
Thanks buddy, thanks for coming.
Have you met andy before?
-Hey how you doing man?
How you doing?
-Yeah.
You went on
"king of the road" last year.
Would you ever go again?
-Hell yeah.
-You're down?
-Yeah, I'd be down.
-All right.
It's -- it's gnarly,
but it's fun. Good experience.
This trick
is named after you.
It's for the hardest
handrail tricks.
Let's check them out.
-Let's do it.
♪
Wow.
That is so sick.
Oh! Yeah!
♪ waste my time
Just a little bit
past the line.
♪ waste my time
♪ waste my time
And the winner is...
Axel cruysberghs.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, dawg. Appreciate it.
That was sick, dude.
Fuck yeah.
-Thanks, man.
Here you go, homey.
Once again,
there you go, man.
There you go.
Yeah.
♪
When you get on this trip,
a lot of these guys,
They're like a family.
And just like a family,
They're not afraid to fuckin'
talk shit to each other.
Let's watch this clip.
♪
All right, well,
you better shut the fuck up
If you think you're
talking about me.
Sinclair:
Billy motherfuckin' marks,
50 points.
Roast beef? Is that what
you're bragging about?
So don't look at me
like I wasn't doing shit.
You fat piece of shit.
-Congratulations.
You got two things.
Me and billy, we've traveled
across the world together
For the past 15 years.
"fat piece of shit."
We bicker, fight,
insult each other.
Bill is trying to tell us
That if he was
skating right now,
He would've already done it.
-No, I didn't say that.
-'cause he's that good.
I would've waited
till a different rail.
You can't postpone
on "king of the road."
-That's the thing.
-You've postponed how much shit?
Let's see. He hasn't driven
over 50 the whole trip.
You're fuckin'
blowing it, mike.
That's on the list.
But I'm telling you,
if you're burning the --
Do not under-fuckin'-stand
that?
He buys a $15 jacket
and turns into the fonz.
Fuckin' sit down.
I'll remember that shit,
bill.
Bill, $100 worth
of scratchers -- butt chug.
No way.
I think we have
a signed agreement here.
Butt chugging bill
every Wednesday night.
You like that show?
Tune in --
"butt chuggin' bill,"
Every Wednesday night
after midnight.
Hey, billy,
What is your biggest
complaint about mike?
He sucks!
Look at him.
He fuckin' sucks.
All right, mike, what bugs
you the most about bill?
Look at him.
Motherfucker.
All right.
What's the worst thing
he's ever done to you?!
Worst thing.
He got me the job,
so I'm done for life.
I'm done for life.
-Set for life.
All right, so, next up,
To help us with our
next presentation,
We've got the owner
Of the bloodsucking toy machine
skateboard company,
Mr. Ed templeton!
Yes!
Ed, when I say "tater tot,"
What's the first thing
that comes to mind?
My wife.
Just calls her
the tater tot.
So, helping us
with this challenge,
We've got another legend,
The weirdo of watsonville,
mr. Jason jessee.
-Thanks.
-Okay.
So, you guys are gonna
help us settle this score
With bill and mike
for big money.
Is billy over there?
-He's taking a piss.
All right.
-Oh, what?
What, what?
-Mike, bill --
You guys stay there.
Mike, bill, hop up.
Dude, do I have to do more,
like, physical shit?
'cause I'm fuckin'...
-Right here.
Stand here.
Who do you want?
Do you want ed or jason?
-Ed. Ed.
-Okay.
So you're with jason jessee.
This is how it's gonna work.
Whoever can catch the most
tater tots in their mouth
In 30 seconds
wins $200, cash.
All right, go!
-Fuckin' a.
-Oh! Oh!
Come on!
We got 10 seconds.
10, 9...
8, 7...
6, 5...
4, 3...
2, 1!
That's time!
That's time!
And the winner
is billy marks!
You got the money for him?
-There's a lot in there.
-Thanks, buddy.
For our next challenge,
We want to bring out
all the company owners.
So, without further ado,
Our 1994 skater of the year,
mike carroll.
All right. And the owner
of birdhouse skateboards.
-Yeah!
-Might have heard of him.
1990 skater of the year,
mr. Tony hawk!
Yeah, dude!
-Thanks for coming.
-Thank you. How are you?
All right.
This challenge is called
How well do you know
your team?
I'm gonna ask you
a series of questions.
For every wrong answer,
You're gonna have
to eat a doughnut.
A whole doughnut?
And, ed, the doughnuts
are vegan.
Roy: They're organic!
I made them myself.
And for you guys,
I'm sorry --
The doughnuts are vegan.
Okay.
-You got to eat the whole one?
Number one, for tony hawk.
What stance is mike davis?
Mike davis is...
He's goofy, right?
-Regular foot.
Oh. He switched, though.
Ed templeton, for your quiz,
Spell axel's last name.
C-r-u-s-b-e...
Man: It's on the board
right there.
...G-h-s.
Incorrect.
There's a "y" in it.
Oh!
It's not correct.
Ed, come on, man.
We got a --
we got a shot in this thing.
Question number one
for mike carroll,
On which hand is raven
missing part of his fingers?
Carroll: Uh...
His right.
Incorrect.
There you go.
Bammo. Perfect.
There you go.
Question number two
for tony.
I don't want any more
doughnuts, please.
No, you ha--
no! Bullshit!
This is "king of the
fuckin' road," tony!
Fuckin' bullshit!
-Are you ready?
-No.
For what company
did ben raybourn turn pro?
Slave.
1031.
I washed my hands before!
I promise.
Question number two
for ed templeton.
What is billy's
wife's name?
-Ashley.
-Correct!
Yeah!
Mike carroll,
second question.
You were 1994
skater of the year.
-Yes.
Which of your
"king of the road"
Team riders
was born in 1994?
Johnny jones.
elijah berle.
Get it? Yeah!
All right.
Tony, the last question.
This is an easy one.
How many stairs
did jaws melon grab
For his recent
world-record-breaking cover?
It's, uh -- it's 25.
correct!
Let's give it up
for all of our team owners!
Thanks, you guys.
Tots? Pass to down,
just take it.
♪
"king of the road"
is a great time
To test out
a new team rider.
And in this case, we had two
new guys this year --
Johnny jones with chocolate
And axel cruysberghs
with toy machine.
Let's see how they did.
♪
Muller: The first couple trips
that you go on as, like,
A flow dude are
really important.
You have to get along
with everybody.
You need to bust your ass.
-Oh!
-You need to show that
You're willing to do
whatever needs to be done.
Hey, lee, can you film
johnny drink
His piss real quick?
Yes!
You swallow that shit.
Dude, fuckin' gross.
Motherfuckers.
Johnny motherfuckin' jones.
Jones: I haven't traveled
too much outside of l.A.
Actually, I used to always watch
"king of the road."
It's a dream come true for me.
Marks: He's insane.
Super-talented.
Lutheran: I can't even say
his last name.
Starts with "c,"
like "cruxenberg."
-"crowsburg."
-he dances to euro music.
Good song, eh?
Song's from belgium.
What the baryshnikov?
Did you see the push?
Fuck yeah, that push was
amazing. It was delicate.
-What's about to go down?
-I want to get a piercing.
Wasn't even bad.
Axel can skate tranny and
fucking rails, stairs.
Man: Stand back.
Sinclair: Axel's tough.
No one's, like,
turned off by axel.
I think everybody's
in awe of him.
-Wow. He's fucking good.
-So, I understand
That you have a special
announcement to make.
I do.
- Thank you so much.
Like to welcome
this guy toy machine.
-Oww!
Dude, straight up.
He's on the team.
There's no question about it.
-Thank you.
-Axel, cheers.
Drink up.
-Yeah!
Fuck yes.
Ed, what did it take
for axel to get on the team?
Just shredding,
in general, man.
Billy called me and said,
"this guy should go
from flow to pro."
Congratulations!
Maybe we need to just
go right to pro with him.
I don't even know.
But we're stoked to welcome him.
He's just been incredible
this whole time.
Boy, things got
heated this year.
Really heated.
Especially between
chocolate and birdhouse.
Let's watch the tape.
Roll tape.
Oh, my god.
You can see him
right up there.
-Yeah.
-Get him.
Ah, these fuckers
are back.
-Oh! Got him!
-Fuck yeah!
Aah!
Caked his ass.
Got stevie.
Motherfuckers, we got you!
I just snuck up.
We know the skate park
they're at.
And, uh, I let the air
out of their tire.
-Who was it?
-Uh, it was chocolate.
Tony hawk, we love you,
but your teammates...
-Whoa!
-Ha ha! Got it!
Chocolate, fuck you.
Rogers:
Bend down. Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
-Keep fuckin' pushing, dude.
-Get the fuck out of here!
It got taken
too far this time.
Fuck that!
He's got a fuckin' knife!
Man: Dude, you fuckin' hit him
with a skateboard.
Seriously?
Rogers:
Hey, well, you shouldn't have
laid your hands on him.
You shouldn't have
put your hands on him.
-He just stabbed a fucking tire.
-Yeah, well, one led to another.
You shouldn't have done it.
You broke the contact barrier.
We got food,
if you guys are hungry.
Man: Hell yeah.
-Birdhouse, no service!
-Am I allowed?
For real, am I not
allowed to eat?
All right.
Well,
then we're not gonna eat.
Burnett: Whoa! Whoa!
Some strong talk.
Some hurt feelings.
I don't know.
It got crazy.
The only thing
that I truly know
Is that clint
got the last hit in.
And that just --
that's not fair.
But he's down to, like,
try to even things out.
So, everybody -- this includes
our birdhouse friends --
We're gonna have
a good-natured tomato toss.
Everybody, come on up.
-No, no, no. Hey, hey, hey.
Clint and I square up
onstage right now
For some points right now.
Where's he at?
There he is right there.
Hey, clint, do you have
any last words?
Dude, I guess.
Yeah, hey.
Here we fuckin' are, dude.
-Any last -- oh, my god!
-Hey, here we go!
Oh, my god!
-30 seconds!
-Go, go, go!
-Oh!
Walker: Oh, my!
Burnett: Time, time! All right,
all right, that's enough.
All right.
Oh!
All right. Oh, my god.
Okay, miss.
Miss.
Fuckin' a.
The fuck out of my way
Before I fuckin' eat
you alive, motherfucker!
Oh, no! What is this?
Watch the fuckin' video!
♪
We need foamier cream.
All right!
I'm ready to rock, baby!
Give your dad
a big hug.
Oh, I'm proud of you.
Man: Let me know if you want
some help, jer.
Hell yeah, baby.
-What the fuck?
It's as much as I could
cover this thing up.
-Yes!
-Thank you for sticking with me.
-Hey, yeah!
-I'm about to do it.
Aah!
Fuck you guys! Holy fuck!
Fuckin' winner --
jereme fuckin' rogers!
Okay, on this trip,
halfway through,
You get a special guest.
This guy jumps in the van,
and they hand him the book
And point to the hardest
fuckin' tricks,
And they say, "this is what
we need you to do."
This is the mystery guest mvp.
The mystery guests this year
were jereme rogers,
Heath kirchart,
and forrest edwards.
So, with 130 points,
In third place,
the legend, heath kirchart.
He's not even here.
He's not even here.
Second place --
this guy put it down
With 400 points --
forrest edwards.
Which means,
with a whopping 550 points,
The winner is jereme rogers,
Mystery guest mvp.
Who is this lady?
Fuck.
Medals! Our teams are medal-ed
up.
Medal-ed up. The team is
medal-ed up.
Hey, let me get a quick
question with you.
What was the hardest
part of being
On "king of the road"
this year?
Lying about it and saying
I wouldn't do it again,
and then I did.
Because vice was covering,
I thought it'd be a good idea.
Career opportunity.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-All right, thanks, buddy.
Jereme rogers, everybody.
♪
Burnett:
The mvp is the dude on each team
That earned the most points.
Here to introduce the mvps,
The classiest guy we know...
...Our 2015 skater
of the fuckin' year,
Anthony van engelen.
It's a fucking mess
up here.
What's up, sir?
How you doing?
And the nominees are,
for chocolate,
Elijah berle...
-Yeah!
...For toy machine,
alex fuckin'...
-Axel cruysberghs.
-...Krustyburger.
Axel cruysberghs.
Uh, and birdhouse,
we got jaws.
These are the guys that got
the most points for their team.
Let's watch the video.
♪
Is there a room
under the name axel?
♪
Shit!
Man: Yes!
Right fucking here!
Whoo!
Oh, my god.
♪
♪
Yeah!
Elijah berle.
Where is he?
Yeah. Hell yeah.
Appreciate that, guys.
Yeah. I'm proud of you.
Fuckin' a, dude.
-Whoo! Cheers.
-Elijah berle, everybody!
-Oh, okay.
-Yeah, boy!
Here to present the coveted
phelper's choice
For best trick done
on "king of the road,"
My friend jake phelps.
Little bit of gallagher
out here, little nickelodeon,
Little bit everything.
Okay, I get to call
it phelper's choice
'cause it's for what --
we're gonna watch the video.
Oh, we're gonna watch the video.
I'm sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
It's kind of the end
of the rainbow here.
♪
Dude, this is crazy.
We're on top of the hill.
We're on top, baby.
Elijah berle.
I saw two of the other bombs
down the hills and shit,
And I was like,
"this shit's weak."
Look how fast that dude's going.
He was blazing faster
Than most people can go down
a normal fuckin' hill.
And then he's -- d'aah!
-Oh, my god.
That shows raw commitment.
"I don't give a fuck" --
that's what that says to me.
-Oh, god.
-Raven tershy.
The roll-in on that thing --
People have been
skating that thing,
Getting toed at it
by motorcycles.
But then the couch
goes up there barefoot,
Rockin' raven...
Fuck, dude. Fuck!
Man:
You got it, ra.
Oh, fuckin' shit.
Yes!
Yeah, that's
fuckin' gnarbuckle.
Gnarbuckle!
Elijah berle.
He nose grinded over
the top of that,
And then most people
would just stop and then go,
"did you film that?
Did you get that?"
No, he just fuckin' wally'd
The ever-lovin' shit
out of that thing
And took it way
down the mountain
To the other side.
All three of those meant
"I don't give a fuck,"
Period, the end.
All right!
Hey. I got to say,
you know, it's --
My guilty pleasure
is watching people
Get served the fuck up.
But when they get it,
I'm always there,
The first one to pat you
on the back and say,
"you know you asked for it."
But when you step through
and you make it,
You're fucking king
of the fuckin' road.
-Whoo!
-I already know
who fuckin' won it.
Elijah motherfuckin' berle.
That's my guy.
Oh!
I could've broke
every bone in my body.
Yeah. No, I got you.
I had your back, bro.
I had your back.
All right, that's it.
-Hell yeah, phelper.
-All right, thanks.
Always.
Anything you want to say?
Wally the ever-lovin' shit
out of it, dude.
Um, first or last, baby.
That's all I got to say.
All right. All right.
Hell of a trophy.
See this right here?
You all wish --
you all wish you had it.
Yeah, you wish, motherfuckers!
Come and get it.
Billy? You got it?
Burnett:
Okay. No problem.
-I don't know.
-You never know.
-Oh, my god!
-Yeah!
Burnett:
You guys ready to hear it?
In third place --
This is for the trophy,
The 50 grand,
He cover of thrasher magazine,
The title king of the road.
In third place...
The long walk home.
...Toy machine!
Hasta la vista, baby.
Can we get the birdhouse guys
in a fight here?
No!
Can we get the birdhouse
guys to stand up, right?
We're gonna do a little
angle thing right here.
-I hope you guys got it.
-Right here.
Thank you, johnny.
Keep killing it, man.
Can we, uh -- can we get
the chocolate team
To line up out here?
Phelps: But you fucking
killed it, dawg!
Yeah, forrest.
I like this shit.
-All right.
-How much? How much?
Fuck your shit!
Getting the fuck out
of here.
Get you to stand right here.
Can we get you
to stand right here?
Jerome, can you come
stand right here?
Perfect, perfect.
Flying v.
Flying v. And then you guys
will be on this side.
Can you help?
Can you get the guys?
Okay, cool.
Yeah, I'll be right here.
Let me hit the joint,
raven!
Yeah! Come on!
Phelps: Hey, stand up.
Over here, you guys. Flare out.
All right,
this was a great year.
I want to thank
everybody who went on
"king of the road"...
And everybody
who came here tonight
To see this fantastic thing!
All right.
And the winner
of "king of the road" is...
Birdhouse!
Walker:
Three times, motherfucker!
Three times, motherfucker!
Fuck everybody.
Fuck everybody.
Let's fuckin' go home, baby!
All right, let's go home, baby.
Let's go home.
Hey, fuckin' get it,
motherfuckers!
Third time, motherfuckers!
-That was a trip.
Hawk:
Awesome. Good job.
Good times, man.
You guys are killing it.
Good times.
-Whoo!
-Three times, motherfucker!
♪
-Oh!
-Oh!
-Oh-ho-ho-ho!
-Yes, dude!
Can you help us
out for a second?
I don't even remember
doing this!
Yes, dude.
So fuckin' stoked.
Man: Mike, mike.
♪
♪ I live my life every night
on the dark side ♪
♪ I died a thousand times
♪ I'm somehow still alive
♪ over the sands of time
♪ when the earth was green
♪ sights and sounds unseen,
unseen in the naked eye ♪
♪ by the time I realized
♪ we were all gonna die
♪ it was too late
♪ one foot in the grave
♪ the other on the way
Check!