King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 4, Episode 24 - Peggy's Fan Fair - full transcript
The Hills go to a country music festival in Nashville, where no one believes Peggy when she says that Randy Travis plagiarized a song she submitted to him.
[Sighing]
.
I have done it, hank!
I have finally done it
i have gotten someone
to respond to my letter.
You see, peggy?
You just needed
to find a pen pal
with as much free time
as you have.
No. I sent song lyrics
to every major
country music star,
and i finally got this
from mr. Randy travis.
Randy travis?
[Sighs]
Oh, ok!
"Dear song writer,
we regret to inform you,"
blah, blah
"legal reasons" blah, blah
, "never read it" blah,
blah, blah. Ok.
"Once again, good luck
with your songwriting career.
Signed, rob readers
of the law firm
readers and anatole."
Huh, kind of sounds to me
like randy travis' lawyer
sent you
a rejection letter.
[Chuckling]
Oh, hank,
they have to say that.
Travis loved my lyrics.
He called me a songwriter.
He said i have
a career in front of me,
and you know what?
He is right.
[Man whoops]
We've had many
great suggestions
for our church
bus trip this year.
And we decided to go
to country music fan fair
in nashville, tennessee.
I win! Huh, that was
my suggestion.
Thank you,
assistant pastor rayburn.
For those of you
who don't know,
i am peggy hill.
And fan fair is
a 4-day festival
where we will get to meet
our favorite
country music stars
including my friend
randy travis.
Ok, may god look upon you
with kindness,
and give you peace.
Amen. You are now dismissed.
[Church organ playing]
Connie, i'm gonna
miss you so much.
I got you this
phone card at the mall.
It's good for 10 minutes
and has tony danza's
picture on it.
Connie, my girl,
buddha broke the mold
when he made you.
[Moaning]
Ok, people!
2-minute warning.
Please see me for
your seat assignments
before you get on the bus.
I was planning
to let people sit
wherever they wanted.
Like church.
[Chuckling]
Church is not a field trip.
As a substitute educator,
i know field trips,
and as a country songwriter,
i also know nashville.
Oh, peggy,
i'm the assistant pastor
of this congregation,
and i did go
to divinity school
in nashville
where i wrote a hymn or 2.
Yes. But you did not
get a letter
from randy travis. And i did.
[Whistling]
On the bus!
[People chattering]
Good morning,
fan fairers and fan fairees.
I will be calling
out various highlights
of our 14-hour trip
to nashville.
Our first stop will be
the world's
largest fiberglass raven
which is also
the largest raven
i have ever seen.
Congratulations
to eustace miller,
who came closest
with a guess of 61.
The number i was
thinking of was 64.
Yes!
Hank, is she gonna play
camp counselor
through the entire
state of arkansas?
Oh, come on, dale!
She's just havin' fun.
Think of
another number, peggy.
Hello, mr. Souphanousinphone.
Is connie there?
Connie, uh, she's not here.
She's, uh...
where is she?
If connie want to go swimming
all afternoon with chane Wusonasong,
that her business.
Enjoy your hillbilly festival.
(tony)
Hey, this is tony danza.
You've got 8 minutes left.
(peggy)
On behalf of fan fair,
let me be the first
to welcome you
with a little song,
written by peggy hill.
? fan fair can be fun fair?
? but if you don't
put your turning light?
? well, that's unfair??
(peggy)
Thank you.
Dinner's ready!
I hope you brought
your appetites.
We are having
spa-peggy and meatballs.
Did she say "spa-peggy"?
Well, "spa-peggy" is
a lot like spaghetti.
I'm not sure
what peggy does different.
If anything.
.
(hank)
But it's the one dish
she's kind of made her own
well, hi there, cowboy.
Now, who's this pretty girl?
Your wife?
[Guffawing]
We're not married.
We're just sharing a tent.
And we're cousins.
Can you just sign our books
and we'll be on our way?
Whoa! W-what's
the trouble, bubble?
Oh, i think my girlfriend
left me.
Oh, ladies and gentlemen,
it's gonna be
just a little while.
We got
a situation here.
(dunn)
So every time you call,
mr. Superphone tells you
that connie's out
with this chane fella?
He said, for
the first time in her life
, connie's actually happy.
It sounds like
her daddy is usin'
his chane to yank your chain.
Kix is right. Heck, i got
a teenage daughter at home,
and every time
her boyfriend calls,
i say she's out
with brad pitt!
[Exclaims]
I love brad pitt.
Your daughter
is so lucky.
No, luanne,
don't you get it?
Connie and i
are back together.
Look, look,
it's really him.
It's randy travis,
just like on the album cover.
Oh, take a picture of me
giving him my lyrics.
Someday my fans will want
to remember this moment.
Wait.
Oh!
? if you want to be my lady?
Oh!
? you're gonna have?
I'll take my sandwich now.
[Shushing]
? what you see is
what i'll always be?
? this is just the way
god made me??
[Gasps]
Y-you know,
there is a line here.
[Grunts]
What the...
you stole my song!
No, no, no.
No, you don't understand.
I am not the bad guy.
Hank, will you
say something?
Why did you punch
randy travis?
This is just the way
god made me.
I wrote that.
(teri)
Excuse me, fellas.
Hold up a second.
I'm mr. Travis's manager.
Randy would like
to speak to the lady.
[Hank sighing]
...and we
completely understand
if you don't wanna
give us an autograph.
I have proof of
your thievery.
You said i had
a promising
songwriting career.
Now, how do you plead?
I don't plead anything
, ma'am.
I never saw your song.
This is a form letter
from my guard-dog lawyers.
If i had a dime
for every song a fan sent me
i'd be dolly parton rich.
Well, that explains it.
Thank you.
Not to me it does not.
You think this is
the first time
2 songwriters came up
with similar lyrics?
Stand by your man,
tammy wynette.
Understand your man,
johnny cash.
?
Do you see
a pattern here
yes, but
this is just the way
god made me
is uniquely peggy hill.
You see, i grew up in montana
and i had very big feet.
I still do.
And when other kids
would make fun of me,
my grandma
told me to tell them:
"This is just the way
god made me."
And today i am able
to pass that wisdom
on to my students.
You see,
i am a boggle champion
and a substitute teacher...
good for you.
Teaching is important.
Hank, what do you do
for a livin'?
I sell propane
and propane accessories.
Ah, propane salesman!
Now, that's something
that would make a good song.
I have been saying that for years.
[Chuckles]
Me, too.
Bobby,
i put out 2 of your mom's
apple brown bettys.
Now, i'm no mathematician,
but there's
only one here now.
Did you eat the other one?
i can see how you might jump to that conclusion
given last night's
cupcake incident.
And, yes, i did take
the apple brown betty
but it's for brooks and dunn,
to thank them
for easing my pain.
(peggy)
Dinner!
(rayburn)
Lord, thank you for the food
we're about to eat,
for the quick-moving line
at the sawyer brown booth,
for the calm skies...
and please, god,
please punish randy travis
for stealing my song.
(all)
Amen.
[Sighs]
?? [playing]
[Crowd cheering]
And miss faith hill
strained her vocal cords
cheerin' on her team
at the celebrity
softball game.
Her team still lost,
thanks to a costly error
by garth brooks.
[Crowd booing]
As pretty as faith is,
we've got someone
almost as pretty.
Mr. Randy travis.
[Crowd cheering]
I'm surprised randy travis
isn't still at the game
stealing bases.
Oh, come on, peggy.
This is our vacation.
Can't we just
have a good time?
Look, you can have
whatever kind of time
you like.
I am gonna sit here and boo.
Would a couple of beers
help the situation?
Boo! Boo!
Sure would help me.
?? [music continues playing]
[Horse neighs]
Careful where you step
, lisa.
That john michael montgomery's
been ridin' that horse of his
around here.
Whoa!
Dadgum it, john michael!
Clint, i don't want
a horse for my birthday.
Oh, you got it, honey.
(bobby)
Ideally, i would have
gotten brooks and dunn
matching fan fair
water bottles
but i didn't have $40.
.
This brown betty
was priced to move
[exclaims]
Let's stuff it
back in the pan.
Nobody will know
the difference.
[Horse neighing]
(charlie)
Excuse me, partner.
You mind if i
step in front of you?
Well, i've been waiting...
oh, my god!
You're charlie daniels.
Mr. Daniels, uh,
i'm a huge fan.
It would be an honor
to let you cut
in front of me.
Well, i appreciate it.
I tell you what.
Why don't you let me
get you somethin', too
? what are you drinkin'?
Oh, an alamo, please.
Let me have
a coke with no ice
.
And an alamo
for my new friend here
that'll be $4, slim.
[Whistling]
Yay!
Thank you very much.
You're very kind.
Hey, this next one's got
a little story behind it.
When i was a kid, you see,
i spent a lot of
time in montana.
Cold, cold winters up there.
When i was 9 or 10, my feet
were growing just a little bit
faster than the rest of me.
What?
I mean, i had big feet.
We're talking like
bozo size, folks.
And when the other kids
would make fun of them,
you see, my dad
who, i might add, was
a substitute school teacher,
[gasps]
Told me, "you tell them,
'this is just
the way god made me.'"
[Crowd cheering]
But, oh, but,
but that's my story!
2, 3, 4.
?? [playing]
? i have a boggle trophy?
? on my bedroom shelf??
Hank! Hank!
(bobby)
So i called
and connie's dad answered.
I disguised my voice
and said i was from
.
Who's who in american
middle school students
he put me right through.
That only works once.
And thanks for
the brown betty.
Thanks for
boot scootin' boogie.
All right. Let's dig
into that apple betty.
Hey, get your own.
The boy gave it to me.
.
It was meant
for both of us
well, you kept the sweater
that girl from syracuse
gave us.
Well, how am i supposed
to share a sweater, kix?
?
You want me to
rip it in half
umm, this is good pie.
[Exclaims]
Hank, where were you?
Travis told my story.
He said that
it happened to him.
He stole boggle,
he stole montana
he stole my big feet!
[Shushing]
Who said that?
Who... who said that?
All right. Let's go outside.
I cannot believe
you are siding with travis
. i... i am your wife!
Look, i believe you believe
you wrote that song.
And i believe you believe
he stole your story.
But that doesn't
make it true.
So, i'm a liar?
?
Why would i
make this up, hank
[sighing]
Well, peggy,
you've got a pretty
high opinion of yourself
and i...
oh, then i should have
a low opinion of myself?
Is that what
you're saying?
No, no, not at all.
It's just that you've done
so much in your life,
you don't need to take credit
for things you haven't done.
Like writing that song
and, you know,
the other stuff.
What other stuff?
Well, like dinner.
I mean, i think it's cute
that you call it
spa-peggy and meatballs
but you know,
it's just noodles
and tomato sauce
and balls of meat.
But then i add
just the right amount
of sugar
and grated parmesano cheese.
Ok. When we were
setting up camp,
you said that
in your opinion
kindling is the best wood
to start a fire.
Well, isn't it, hank?
Of course it is,
but it's not your opinion.
It's a known fact.
And now you say
randy travis has taken
your childhood
and calling it his own.
It's getting crazy.
[Gasping]
So, now i'm crazy?
Well, gray area.
.
I told you the truth, hank
if i am lying, may god
strike me down right now.
Ha!
[Sighs]
This is mockingbird
calling the sparrow.
(bill)
Hi, dale.
Use code names, bill.
I'm mockingbird.
Sorry, dale.
Oh, hey, pegwin.
Where's the big bird?
Hank and i
are spending the rest
of the fan fair apart
because of randy travis.
He took me back
to his trailer
and lied to my face.
I'd like to spit
on that trailer.
Ah, what would that solve?
We ought to wrap the trailer
in toilet paper.
I think i have some left over
from the billy ray cyrus job.
Yes, i like that.
I like that a lot.
(hank)
All right, just one more.
Then i've gotta go find peggy.
Everybody smile.
You're not smiling,
mr. Brooks.
[Brooks retching]
[Grunts]
(peggy)
Mockingbird,
this is the pegwin.
We are at 50%
tissue coverage.
Morale is high.
How's travis?
(dale)
Contained.
I will secure an autograph
made out to all of us.
It will be our alibi. Out.
Ok, bill, throw it.
Throw it back over.
I did a minute ago.
It should have landed by now.
[Sighing]
Boomhauer, give me a boost.
Ah, it's ok. I'll get it.
[Grunts]
Do you see it?
[Bill screams]
[Peggy shrieks]
[Gasps]
[Grunting]
[Peggy panting]
[Grunting]
Well,
it never would have happened
if he hadn't stolen my song.
Hey! Hey! Somebody help.
Get me outta here!
Get... help me get out!
(peggy)
And remember, not one word.
As i like to say,
"what is done is done."
[Sighing]
Peggy, where have you been?
We dumped
randy travis's trailer
in the lake.
You what?
He stole peggy's song.
[Dale snickers]
Look at handsome randy travis.
I'd like to see
his chiseled face
when he goes back
to that trailer.
Where are you lookin', dale?
Randy travis' booth is empty.
(dale)
Na-ah.
I got his autograph.
It's our alibi.
This says,
"best regards,
the oak ridge boys."
I-isn't he the one
with the beard?
(randy)
My door is locked.
I can't get out.
(hank)
Oh, god! Oh! Oh!
[Water bubbling]
Please be ok.
Please, please be ok.
Why would he
toilet-paper
and then drive
his own traile
r into the lake?
Puzzling.
[People chattering]
?
Oh, hank,
what is taking so long
[hank gasps]
[Hank panting]
I was takin' a nap.
The trailer must have
come off the blocks.
Next year i'm gonna hire
somebody to set it up.
Hank, i am so, so sorry.
[Hank sighs]
(hank)
Peggy said it was an accident,
but i don't know.
She thinks randy travi
s stole her song lyrics
and maybe that sen
t her over the edge.
hank, rev. Schuller
once delivered a sermon
That came straight
from my christmas card
but i didn't throw a rock
through the crystal cathedral.
Well, i might have
made things worse.
I said some
awful things to her,
pastor larry.
I told her she's not as great
as she thinks she is.
.
Better she hears it
from someone she loves
maybe she did try to
drown randy travis.
Uh, no, what am i saying?
She'd have to be crazy.
But maybe the fact
that her husband
didn't support her
could have...
no, peggy's not crazy.
[Chuckles]
Right?
So, doc, in your opinion,
,
had he shared some
of the brown betty
would he have gotten
quite this sick?
Ronnie, please,
i'm very ill.
What was in that
brown betty, anyway?
Um, i don't know.
.
My mom made it
aunt peggy,
what are you doin' here?
Randy travis is
gonna bring uncle hank up
on stage any minute
to thank him
for saving his life.
Well, hank doesn't want me
anywhere near
the final jam concert.
He said he was afraid
i'd take a swing
at faith hill
for stealing our last name.
[Crowd cheering]
(m.c.)
One more time
for martina mcbride!
(martina)
Thank you. This next act
has been featured
on the cover
of over 20 million boxes
of corn flakes.
Ladies and gentlemen, dunn!
[Crowd cheering]
(hank)
"To hank hill, love, wynonna."
[Chuckles]
Thank you.
I'm gonna hang this in my garage.
Now, you'll think about what i said?
I was raised
with charcoal.
I'll die with charcoal.
So back off!
Mr. Hill, i'm trooper larson
with the tennessee
state police.
,
we received a tip
that your wife, peggy hill
might try to harm
mr. Randy travis.
A tip? Who told you that?
I did.
What?
You can't do that.
I'm sorry, hank.
Your wife's nuts.
She's a threat to others.
We don't know that.
Nobody can really
replace kix brooks.
But would you all mind
if randy travis
gave it a try?
[Crowd cheering]
Mr. Hill, do you know
where your wife is?
?
Do you
see somethin', sir
there she is.
That's peggy hill.
(larson)
Mrs. Hill.
Oh, no.
Peggy, i thought we agreed
you weren't gonna come
to the final jam concert.
I am here to
see randy travis.
I have something special
to give to him.
(larson)
Ma'am, i'd like you
to come down
to the police tent
with me.
What?
Well, i'm here
to apologize.
Look, i brought him
an apple brown betty.
Homemade.
[Sighing]
All right.
You see that?
It's just a pie.
No knife, even.
Apple brown betty.
Kix brooks was poisone
d by a homemade
apple brown betty
fitting this description.
Peggy, what did he do
to you?
This is larson.
I'm gonna need backup.
(dale)
This is mockingbird.
Who's larson?
Ma'am, place the baked goods
on the table
and take a step back, please.
Why are you
looking at me like that?
Randy travis stole my song,
but i am not
going to kill him.
I am not crazy.
Well, yeah, peggy.
I... i mean...
[titters]
Tell them, hank.
(larson)
Let's go.
You and your brown betty
are coming down
to the station.
(hank)
Wait. She's not crazy.
I'll just take her home.
No. We have to test the pie.
What if i eat a piece
of this brown betty
and i'm ok?
Then it'll prove
my wife's telling the truth,
right?
(peggy)
Hank, don't!
It's for randy travis.
(larson)
Mr. Hill, don't.
There's already
one man in the hospital.
?? [music playing]
[Gulps]
Now, that is
a good piece of pie.
I tell you what.
They ought to change the name
to apple brown peggy.
No, it's
an apple brown betty.
.
I just add
a spoonful of orange juice
it's... well, nobody else
does that.
[Crowd cheering]
And now i'd like to
introduce y'all to hank hill.
A man who taught me
just how precious life is.
You see,
yesterday my trailer
fell in the lake
and just as i was
freeing myself,
i saw this loyal fan
drowning in the water nearby.
And i saved his life.
I want to bring him up
to sing with me.
Come on up here, hank.
[Crowd cheering]
(hank)
Well, i'll punch him
this time.
(peggy)
No, what's the use?
(randy)
i have a boggle trophy?
on my bedroom shelf?
i won it on my own?
with help from no one else?
still i know
that i'm not perfect?
i have a flaw or two?
? but there's plenty
of love here for you?
? from my head to
my size 16 shoe??
.
I have done it, hank!
I have finally done it
i have gotten someone
to respond to my letter.
You see, peggy?
You just needed
to find a pen pal
with as much free time
as you have.
No. I sent song lyrics
to every major
country music star,
and i finally got this
from mr. Randy travis.
Randy travis?
[Sighs]
Oh, ok!
"Dear song writer,
we regret to inform you,"
blah, blah
"legal reasons" blah, blah
, "never read it" blah,
blah, blah. Ok.
"Once again, good luck
with your songwriting career.
Signed, rob readers
of the law firm
readers and anatole."
Huh, kind of sounds to me
like randy travis' lawyer
sent you
a rejection letter.
[Chuckling]
Oh, hank,
they have to say that.
Travis loved my lyrics.
He called me a songwriter.
He said i have
a career in front of me,
and you know what?
He is right.
[Man whoops]
We've had many
great suggestions
for our church
bus trip this year.
And we decided to go
to country music fan fair
in nashville, tennessee.
I win! Huh, that was
my suggestion.
Thank you,
assistant pastor rayburn.
For those of you
who don't know,
i am peggy hill.
And fan fair is
a 4-day festival
where we will get to meet
our favorite
country music stars
including my friend
randy travis.
Ok, may god look upon you
with kindness,
and give you peace.
Amen. You are now dismissed.
[Church organ playing]
Connie, i'm gonna
miss you so much.
I got you this
phone card at the mall.
It's good for 10 minutes
and has tony danza's
picture on it.
Connie, my girl,
buddha broke the mold
when he made you.
[Moaning]
Ok, people!
2-minute warning.
Please see me for
your seat assignments
before you get on the bus.
I was planning
to let people sit
wherever they wanted.
Like church.
[Chuckling]
Church is not a field trip.
As a substitute educator,
i know field trips,
and as a country songwriter,
i also know nashville.
Oh, peggy,
i'm the assistant pastor
of this congregation,
and i did go
to divinity school
in nashville
where i wrote a hymn or 2.
Yes. But you did not
get a letter
from randy travis. And i did.
[Whistling]
On the bus!
[People chattering]
Good morning,
fan fairers and fan fairees.
I will be calling
out various highlights
of our 14-hour trip
to nashville.
Our first stop will be
the world's
largest fiberglass raven
which is also
the largest raven
i have ever seen.
Congratulations
to eustace miller,
who came closest
with a guess of 61.
The number i was
thinking of was 64.
Yes!
Hank, is she gonna play
camp counselor
through the entire
state of arkansas?
Oh, come on, dale!
She's just havin' fun.
Think of
another number, peggy.
Hello, mr. Souphanousinphone.
Is connie there?
Connie, uh, she's not here.
She's, uh...
where is she?
If connie want to go swimming
all afternoon with chane Wusonasong,
that her business.
Enjoy your hillbilly festival.
(tony)
Hey, this is tony danza.
You've got 8 minutes left.
(peggy)
On behalf of fan fair,
let me be the first
to welcome you
with a little song,
written by peggy hill.
? fan fair can be fun fair?
? but if you don't
put your turning light?
? well, that's unfair??
(peggy)
Thank you.
Dinner's ready!
I hope you brought
your appetites.
We are having
spa-peggy and meatballs.
Did she say "spa-peggy"?
Well, "spa-peggy" is
a lot like spaghetti.
I'm not sure
what peggy does different.
If anything.
.
(hank)
But it's the one dish
she's kind of made her own
well, hi there, cowboy.
Now, who's this pretty girl?
Your wife?
[Guffawing]
We're not married.
We're just sharing a tent.
And we're cousins.
Can you just sign our books
and we'll be on our way?
Whoa! W-what's
the trouble, bubble?
Oh, i think my girlfriend
left me.
Oh, ladies and gentlemen,
it's gonna be
just a little while.
We got
a situation here.
(dunn)
So every time you call,
mr. Superphone tells you
that connie's out
with this chane fella?
He said, for
the first time in her life
, connie's actually happy.
It sounds like
her daddy is usin'
his chane to yank your chain.
Kix is right. Heck, i got
a teenage daughter at home,
and every time
her boyfriend calls,
i say she's out
with brad pitt!
[Exclaims]
I love brad pitt.
Your daughter
is so lucky.
No, luanne,
don't you get it?
Connie and i
are back together.
Look, look,
it's really him.
It's randy travis,
just like on the album cover.
Oh, take a picture of me
giving him my lyrics.
Someday my fans will want
to remember this moment.
Wait.
Oh!
? if you want to be my lady?
Oh!
? you're gonna have?
I'll take my sandwich now.
[Shushing]
? what you see is
what i'll always be?
? this is just the way
god made me??
[Gasps]
Y-you know,
there is a line here.
[Grunts]
What the...
you stole my song!
No, no, no.
No, you don't understand.
I am not the bad guy.
Hank, will you
say something?
Why did you punch
randy travis?
This is just the way
god made me.
I wrote that.
(teri)
Excuse me, fellas.
Hold up a second.
I'm mr. Travis's manager.
Randy would like
to speak to the lady.
[Hank sighing]
...and we
completely understand
if you don't wanna
give us an autograph.
I have proof of
your thievery.
You said i had
a promising
songwriting career.
Now, how do you plead?
I don't plead anything
, ma'am.
I never saw your song.
This is a form letter
from my guard-dog lawyers.
If i had a dime
for every song a fan sent me
i'd be dolly parton rich.
Well, that explains it.
Thank you.
Not to me it does not.
You think this is
the first time
2 songwriters came up
with similar lyrics?
Stand by your man,
tammy wynette.
Understand your man,
johnny cash.
?
Do you see
a pattern here
yes, but
this is just the way
god made me
is uniquely peggy hill.
You see, i grew up in montana
and i had very big feet.
I still do.
And when other kids
would make fun of me,
my grandma
told me to tell them:
"This is just the way
god made me."
And today i am able
to pass that wisdom
on to my students.
You see,
i am a boggle champion
and a substitute teacher...
good for you.
Teaching is important.
Hank, what do you do
for a livin'?
I sell propane
and propane accessories.
Ah, propane salesman!
Now, that's something
that would make a good song.
I have been saying that for years.
[Chuckles]
Me, too.
Bobby,
i put out 2 of your mom's
apple brown bettys.
Now, i'm no mathematician,
but there's
only one here now.
Did you eat the other one?
i can see how you might jump to that conclusion
given last night's
cupcake incident.
And, yes, i did take
the apple brown betty
but it's for brooks and dunn,
to thank them
for easing my pain.
(peggy)
Dinner!
(rayburn)
Lord, thank you for the food
we're about to eat,
for the quick-moving line
at the sawyer brown booth,
for the calm skies...
and please, god,
please punish randy travis
for stealing my song.
(all)
Amen.
[Sighs]
?? [playing]
[Crowd cheering]
And miss faith hill
strained her vocal cords
cheerin' on her team
at the celebrity
softball game.
Her team still lost,
thanks to a costly error
by garth brooks.
[Crowd booing]
As pretty as faith is,
we've got someone
almost as pretty.
Mr. Randy travis.
[Crowd cheering]
I'm surprised randy travis
isn't still at the game
stealing bases.
Oh, come on, peggy.
This is our vacation.
Can't we just
have a good time?
Look, you can have
whatever kind of time
you like.
I am gonna sit here and boo.
Would a couple of beers
help the situation?
Boo! Boo!
Sure would help me.
?? [music continues playing]
[Horse neighs]
Careful where you step
, lisa.
That john michael montgomery's
been ridin' that horse of his
around here.
Whoa!
Dadgum it, john michael!
Clint, i don't want
a horse for my birthday.
Oh, you got it, honey.
(bobby)
Ideally, i would have
gotten brooks and dunn
matching fan fair
water bottles
but i didn't have $40.
.
This brown betty
was priced to move
[exclaims]
Let's stuff it
back in the pan.
Nobody will know
the difference.
[Horse neighing]
(charlie)
Excuse me, partner.
You mind if i
step in front of you?
Well, i've been waiting...
oh, my god!
You're charlie daniels.
Mr. Daniels, uh,
i'm a huge fan.
It would be an honor
to let you cut
in front of me.
Well, i appreciate it.
I tell you what.
Why don't you let me
get you somethin', too
? what are you drinkin'?
Oh, an alamo, please.
Let me have
a coke with no ice
.
And an alamo
for my new friend here
that'll be $4, slim.
[Whistling]
Yay!
Thank you very much.
You're very kind.
Hey, this next one's got
a little story behind it.
When i was a kid, you see,
i spent a lot of
time in montana.
Cold, cold winters up there.
When i was 9 or 10, my feet
were growing just a little bit
faster than the rest of me.
What?
I mean, i had big feet.
We're talking like
bozo size, folks.
And when the other kids
would make fun of them,
you see, my dad
who, i might add, was
a substitute school teacher,
[gasps]
Told me, "you tell them,
'this is just
the way god made me.'"
[Crowd cheering]
But, oh, but,
but that's my story!
2, 3, 4.
?? [playing]
? i have a boggle trophy?
? on my bedroom shelf??
Hank! Hank!
(bobby)
So i called
and connie's dad answered.
I disguised my voice
and said i was from
.
Who's who in american
middle school students
he put me right through.
That only works once.
And thanks for
the brown betty.
Thanks for
boot scootin' boogie.
All right. Let's dig
into that apple betty.
Hey, get your own.
The boy gave it to me.
.
It was meant
for both of us
well, you kept the sweater
that girl from syracuse
gave us.
Well, how am i supposed
to share a sweater, kix?
?
You want me to
rip it in half
umm, this is good pie.
[Exclaims]
Hank, where were you?
Travis told my story.
He said that
it happened to him.
He stole boggle,
he stole montana
he stole my big feet!
[Shushing]
Who said that?
Who... who said that?
All right. Let's go outside.
I cannot believe
you are siding with travis
. i... i am your wife!
Look, i believe you believe
you wrote that song.
And i believe you believe
he stole your story.
But that doesn't
make it true.
So, i'm a liar?
?
Why would i
make this up, hank
[sighing]
Well, peggy,
you've got a pretty
high opinion of yourself
and i...
oh, then i should have
a low opinion of myself?
Is that what
you're saying?
No, no, not at all.
It's just that you've done
so much in your life,
you don't need to take credit
for things you haven't done.
Like writing that song
and, you know,
the other stuff.
What other stuff?
Well, like dinner.
I mean, i think it's cute
that you call it
spa-peggy and meatballs
but you know,
it's just noodles
and tomato sauce
and balls of meat.
But then i add
just the right amount
of sugar
and grated parmesano cheese.
Ok. When we were
setting up camp,
you said that
in your opinion
kindling is the best wood
to start a fire.
Well, isn't it, hank?
Of course it is,
but it's not your opinion.
It's a known fact.
And now you say
randy travis has taken
your childhood
and calling it his own.
It's getting crazy.
[Gasping]
So, now i'm crazy?
Well, gray area.
.
I told you the truth, hank
if i am lying, may god
strike me down right now.
Ha!
[Sighs]
This is mockingbird
calling the sparrow.
(bill)
Hi, dale.
Use code names, bill.
I'm mockingbird.
Sorry, dale.
Oh, hey, pegwin.
Where's the big bird?
Hank and i
are spending the rest
of the fan fair apart
because of randy travis.
He took me back
to his trailer
and lied to my face.
I'd like to spit
on that trailer.
Ah, what would that solve?
We ought to wrap the trailer
in toilet paper.
I think i have some left over
from the billy ray cyrus job.
Yes, i like that.
I like that a lot.
(hank)
All right, just one more.
Then i've gotta go find peggy.
Everybody smile.
You're not smiling,
mr. Brooks.
[Brooks retching]
[Grunts]
(peggy)
Mockingbird,
this is the pegwin.
We are at 50%
tissue coverage.
Morale is high.
How's travis?
(dale)
Contained.
I will secure an autograph
made out to all of us.
It will be our alibi. Out.
Ok, bill, throw it.
Throw it back over.
I did a minute ago.
It should have landed by now.
[Sighing]
Boomhauer, give me a boost.
Ah, it's ok. I'll get it.
[Grunts]
Do you see it?
[Bill screams]
[Peggy shrieks]
[Gasps]
[Grunting]
[Peggy panting]
[Grunting]
Well,
it never would have happened
if he hadn't stolen my song.
Hey! Hey! Somebody help.
Get me outta here!
Get... help me get out!
(peggy)
And remember, not one word.
As i like to say,
"what is done is done."
[Sighing]
Peggy, where have you been?
We dumped
randy travis's trailer
in the lake.
You what?
He stole peggy's song.
[Dale snickers]
Look at handsome randy travis.
I'd like to see
his chiseled face
when he goes back
to that trailer.
Where are you lookin', dale?
Randy travis' booth is empty.
(dale)
Na-ah.
I got his autograph.
It's our alibi.
This says,
"best regards,
the oak ridge boys."
I-isn't he the one
with the beard?
(randy)
My door is locked.
I can't get out.
(hank)
Oh, god! Oh! Oh!
[Water bubbling]
Please be ok.
Please, please be ok.
Why would he
toilet-paper
and then drive
his own traile
r into the lake?
Puzzling.
[People chattering]
?
Oh, hank,
what is taking so long
[hank gasps]
[Hank panting]
I was takin' a nap.
The trailer must have
come off the blocks.
Next year i'm gonna hire
somebody to set it up.
Hank, i am so, so sorry.
[Hank sighs]
(hank)
Peggy said it was an accident,
but i don't know.
She thinks randy travi
s stole her song lyrics
and maybe that sen
t her over the edge.
hank, rev. Schuller
once delivered a sermon
That came straight
from my christmas card
but i didn't throw a rock
through the crystal cathedral.
Well, i might have
made things worse.
I said some
awful things to her,
pastor larry.
I told her she's not as great
as she thinks she is.
.
Better she hears it
from someone she loves
maybe she did try to
drown randy travis.
Uh, no, what am i saying?
She'd have to be crazy.
But maybe the fact
that her husband
didn't support her
could have...
no, peggy's not crazy.
[Chuckles]
Right?
So, doc, in your opinion,
,
had he shared some
of the brown betty
would he have gotten
quite this sick?
Ronnie, please,
i'm very ill.
What was in that
brown betty, anyway?
Um, i don't know.
.
My mom made it
aunt peggy,
what are you doin' here?
Randy travis is
gonna bring uncle hank up
on stage any minute
to thank him
for saving his life.
Well, hank doesn't want me
anywhere near
the final jam concert.
He said he was afraid
i'd take a swing
at faith hill
for stealing our last name.
[Crowd cheering]
(m.c.)
One more time
for martina mcbride!
(martina)
Thank you. This next act
has been featured
on the cover
of over 20 million boxes
of corn flakes.
Ladies and gentlemen, dunn!
[Crowd cheering]
(hank)
"To hank hill, love, wynonna."
[Chuckles]
Thank you.
I'm gonna hang this in my garage.
Now, you'll think about what i said?
I was raised
with charcoal.
I'll die with charcoal.
So back off!
Mr. Hill, i'm trooper larson
with the tennessee
state police.
,
we received a tip
that your wife, peggy hill
might try to harm
mr. Randy travis.
A tip? Who told you that?
I did.
What?
You can't do that.
I'm sorry, hank.
Your wife's nuts.
She's a threat to others.
We don't know that.
Nobody can really
replace kix brooks.
But would you all mind
if randy travis
gave it a try?
[Crowd cheering]
Mr. Hill, do you know
where your wife is?
?
Do you
see somethin', sir
there she is.
That's peggy hill.
(larson)
Mrs. Hill.
Oh, no.
Peggy, i thought we agreed
you weren't gonna come
to the final jam concert.
I am here to
see randy travis.
I have something special
to give to him.
(larson)
Ma'am, i'd like you
to come down
to the police tent
with me.
What?
Well, i'm here
to apologize.
Look, i brought him
an apple brown betty.
Homemade.
[Sighing]
All right.
You see that?
It's just a pie.
No knife, even.
Apple brown betty.
Kix brooks was poisone
d by a homemade
apple brown betty
fitting this description.
Peggy, what did he do
to you?
This is larson.
I'm gonna need backup.
(dale)
This is mockingbird.
Who's larson?
Ma'am, place the baked goods
on the table
and take a step back, please.
Why are you
looking at me like that?
Randy travis stole my song,
but i am not
going to kill him.
I am not crazy.
Well, yeah, peggy.
I... i mean...
[titters]
Tell them, hank.
(larson)
Let's go.
You and your brown betty
are coming down
to the station.
(hank)
Wait. She's not crazy.
I'll just take her home.
No. We have to test the pie.
What if i eat a piece
of this brown betty
and i'm ok?
Then it'll prove
my wife's telling the truth,
right?
(peggy)
Hank, don't!
It's for randy travis.
(larson)
Mr. Hill, don't.
There's already
one man in the hospital.
?? [music playing]
[Gulps]
Now, that is
a good piece of pie.
I tell you what.
They ought to change the name
to apple brown peggy.
No, it's
an apple brown betty.
.
I just add
a spoonful of orange juice
it's... well, nobody else
does that.
[Crowd cheering]
And now i'd like to
introduce y'all to hank hill.
A man who taught me
just how precious life is.
You see,
yesterday my trailer
fell in the lake
and just as i was
freeing myself,
i saw this loyal fan
drowning in the water nearby.
And i saved his life.
I want to bring him up
to sing with me.
Come on up here, hank.
[Crowd cheering]
(hank)
Well, i'll punch him
this time.
(peggy)
No, what's the use?
(randy)
i have a boggle trophy?
on my bedroom shelf?
i won it on my own?
with help from no one else?
still i know
that i'm not perfect?
i have a flaw or two?
? but there's plenty
of love here for you?
? from my head to
my size 16 shoe??