King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 4, Episode 14 - High Anxiety - full transcript
When Debbie, Buck's former girl Friday and lover, turns up dead in a dumpster, a city detective suspects Hank of murdering her.
(bobby)
Previously on
king of the hill:
You are in public
with this little bimbo.
I need you to protect me
from miz liz.
.
Well, you are having
an affair with her husband
i was havin' an affair
with my boss.
You're my boss now,
hank.
Oh!
I'm not going to let peggy
find out about any of this.
You know what?
Debbie is history.
Oh, my god! Debbie.
I've gotta stop her.
[Screams]
Debbie?
Somebody shot debbie!
How long does it take debbie
to throw in a load of laundry?
I really need to talk to her.
She should be right up.
Debbie said you were gonna "hey!"
No, we were not.
It was a trick.
Is $300 too much for a hot wheels v.w.
Purple evil weevil?
[Sighs]
Yeah, i could use one, too
.
Damn. The ebay auction closed.
I lost my weevil.
Dang it. Can i get a light off yours?
Huh, that's a funny-looking cigarette.
You roll it yourself?
[Holding breath]
Yeah.
You got a weak flame
on this thing.
[Inhales]
[Coughing]
This isn't one of them
clove cigarettes, is it?
No, man. That's
the chronic from mexico.
Damn n.a.f.t.a
It's clearly an inferior tobacco.
So, does your wife party, too?
Party?
Uh, we throw a party
for 4th of july and labor day.
No, i mean party.
You know, get high, get stoned.
[Exclaims]
[Woman chattering
on police radio]
Mmm-mmm, that barbecue
smells yummy, ms. Hill
now, you heard the gunshot
at 6:45, was it?
That is correct, sheriff.
Mmm-hmm.
And you discovered
the body at 6:47?
Most of it, yes.
So let me get this straight.
Debbie was mr. Strickland's mistress.
and her murdered body
was found at the same plac
where mr. Strickland
and his wife
just got done
reconciling their differences.
Uh-huh. My husband han
k set that up.
Well, the reconciliation,
not--not the murder.
Mmm.
[Retching]
Check you out.
What're you doin'?
[Gasps]
I am inducing vomiting.
Dude. You only had one hit
[continues gagging]
Oh, no. My eyes
are turnin' bloodshot.
I'm goin' on a trip.
I look like i'm doped
out of my gourd.
[Sighs
[dog barking]
[Hank groaning]
I'm too high to drive.
[Panting]
Gotta sleep this off.
[Woman chattering
on police radio]
Found this italian 12-gauge
under the body.
Miz liz.
I think i got my first suspect.
I could send that up to dallas,
have my boys run it for prints.
Oh, who in the hell
called in the texas rangers?
A mrs. Peggy hill,
restauranteur.
I love your show!
I love that walker!
[Sighs]
[Panting]
How long was i sleepin'?
Why--why am i running?
Oh, god! I'm talking to myself.
That's a side effect
of the marijuana poisoning
dad! Dad!
The police are
lookin' for you!
Oh, no. Debbie's
hippie roommate
turned me in
for smoking narcotics.
(peggy)
Hank!
[Clears throat]
[Van engine starts]
debbie's dead?
Oh, i was just in her-
i--i mean, i just talked to her,
uh, a-at work.
Oh, it was awful. I saw her
lying there and... oh, hank.
[Sniffing]
Honey, you reek.
Oh, uh, yeah. Too much time
near the, uh, the propane tanks today.
Mr. Hill, i'm lester payton
with the texas rangers.
Ah.
Nice to meet you.
[Clearing throat]
Mind if i cut in, payton?
This is my dance.
Now, mr. Hill,
i have some questions.
Uh, i--i--i'm sorry. I lost a close friend
and a valued tank-wipe today.
I gotta go home right now.
Peggy, you'll need to drive.
I--i'm in mourning.
That coroner in heimlich county
will get to the bottom of this.
He's a good man.
He did the autopsies
on 2 of my gun-club
buddies last year.
You, uh, you don't think
the police will want to run a drug test
on debbie's coworkers,
do you?
Now that you mention it,
i am positive they will.
They'll drug-test
everyone in arlen.
The price for a bag
of clean urine will double.
W-what do you think'll happen
to the price of poo-poo?
Unchanged.
[Hank sighs]
Debbie bought those flowers
just before she died.
Attention, everybody.
Now that there's no one left at work
for my husband to diddle,
i've allowed him
to return.
Buck strickland.
[Clapping]
Ah. Thank you.
Now, i ain't a stupid man.
I heard the rumors.
I know that i got some fingers
a-pointin' at me.
But i'm givin' y'all
the buck strickland guarantee
that i didn't kill
that pretty girl.
I wanna catch the murderer
more than anything.
So, if any of you have information
for the police,
why don't you just
come see me first?
We can discuss the bes
t way of handlin' that.
Back to work, old top.
[Sighs]
All right, ladybird.
I washed this shirt
a dozen times.
[Sniffing]
What do you think, girl?
Can you still
smell the mary jane?
[Sniffing]
Oh, no.
[Birds chirping]
Uncle hank,
sheriff mumford is here.
Afternoon, hank.
What are you cookin'?
Uh, n-nothing.
Well, my eyesight
ain't what it used to be,
but ain't that some kind of smoke
comin' out of there?
Um, that's the burgers.
Strange-smellin' burgers.
What kind of herbs
you puttin' in there?
Herbs? Oh, god!
That's street talk
for marijuana.
You know, hank,
i spent the day
gathering evidence
over at the casa linda
singles apartments.
And, well, i just thought
you might want to know you are now a suspect...
oh, no!
...in the murder
of debbie grund.
Oh.
[Tittering]
Oh, that.
Oh, god!
Now, this goes
without saying, peggy,
but you know
i'm not guilty.
Of course i know
you didn't kill anyone
but you know what
i do not understand?
The sheriff said
that you had a motive
and it concerns your relationship
with miz liz.
He kept using
that phrase.
"Relationship
with miz liz."
"Relationship
with miz liz."
Uh, well, he may
be referring
to this time
i, uh, went out
to a fraudulent propane emergency
at mrs. Strickland's,
and, uh, well,
she was in a kimono,
and, uh, she wanted me
to, uh, service her
[clears throat]
A-accessories,
uh, not the propane.
.
Oh, okey-dokey
well, now,
that makes some sense.
Mrs. Strickland
was coming on to you,
so you kill debbie
buck goes back
to miz liz,
and miz liz
stops bothering you.
Have you been reading
those rabbi mysteries again?
They do hold up.
Now, if i may be
an advocate of the devil here,
let's combine your motive
with the fact that you hav
e no alibi for 6:45 p.m.
Oh, and the sheriff
called earlier.
He said that they found
your strickland name patch
in the bushes behind
peggy's sugarfoot's.
What? I don't remember
losing my "hank" patch.
Well, you didn't lose it.
He said it had been torn off
as if in a struggle.
[Hank exclaims]
So, hank,
my question to you is:
Why did you not tell me
that miz liz made a pass at you?
So, i was wondering if kid
s who are hopped up on drugs
could do things
they wouldn't remember
when they, you know,
hopped back down.
Absolutely, mr. Jones.
So my son,
who'll be attending arlen high
in a couple of years,
god willing,
and he could get, uh, bake
and leave his nametag
in some bushes somewhere
and then not remember?
Y-yeah. We call that
blacking out.
Heck, i was in prison with a guy who was doing
life for a murder
he didn't even remember
committing. Ok?
So someone could take dope
, black out in a field,
and kill a coworker?
Coworker,
cab driver, prostitute
it doesn't matter who.
[Grunts]
All right. This is about
what debbie weighed.
Does this seem familiar?
Maybe.
[Car approaching]
(mr. Strickland)
Evening, hank.
What are you busying
yourself with there?
Uh, just throwin' out
some expired sand.
Garbage cans
at home are full.
Whatever.
We need to talk.
Let's take a ride.
Your truck.
Uh, where to, sir?
The quarry.
It's deserted
this time of night.
Nobody'll bother us.
Mr. Strickland,
sir, i want you to know
that i don't think
i killed debbie.
I cared for that gal, hank
so, if you've taken me
out here to kill me in retribution,
I believe that
would be premature
i know you fooled around
with debbie, old top.
No, not true.
I rebuffed.
But you were angry at her.
Y-yes.
Louder.
Yes, i was angry.
Debbie threatened
to tell my wife
that we had
sexual relations.
Ok, hank.
I--i got all i need.
A 12-gauge shell.
Oh, my god!
I want you to promise me
you won't ever do drugs, bobby.
I promise.
A promise means nothing
when a junkie tricks you
into smoking a joint
when you think
it's a cigarette,
which you shouldn't smoke,
either.
Now, promise me,
promise me, bobby.
Ok, ok, i promise.
[Sighs]
Promises mean nothing.
Look, dad,
i'm not gonna use drugs
because drugs are for losers.
And i'd never wann
a disappoint you.
[Sighing]
Oh.
Plus, i wanna be the first chubby comic
to live past 35.
Afternoon, hank.
Oh. Hi, sheriff.
Uh, any leads
on the, uh, murderer
that don't point
in my direction?
Ms. Hill, could you
excuse us a moment?
I'd like to tell your husband
a dirty joke.
Sheriff, if this is
about the investigation,
i assure you,
you can speak freely.
My husband and i
have no secrets between us.
Cigarette?
No, we do not smoke.
That's smart. Filthy habit.
Say, could i trouble you
for a light?
Uh, i could look
in the house.
Oh, n-never mind. I got
this here silver lighter.
Found it
in debbie's apartment.
Got the initials
"h.r.h." on it.
Say, now,
what's your middle name?
Rutherford.
Right.
H.r.h.
So, unless his royal highness
the prince of wales
stopped by sunday
night for a smoke--
o-ok. The lighter's mine.
It was a gift from
mrs. Elizabeth strickland.
I--i know all about miz liz.
As i said,
i know everything...
about my husband.
So you know about your husband's
relationship with debbie?
Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
What relationship?
I had no relationship
with debbie.
Sheriff?
Uh-huh.
If i may.
(hank) Debbie threatened
to tell my wife
that we had sexual relations.
[Tape recorder clicks]
Well, i'm sure you folks
have plenty to talk about.
Y'all have a nice day.
I didn't sleep with debbie
i don't know how my lighter
got into her apartment.
And i already told you about bein' in the bathtub
with a naked miz liz.
Did you see her breasts?
Hey, charlie manson.
Can i get your autograph
on this sugarfoot napkin
i pull out of dumpster?
If you murder her, i auction it on ebay
for big bucks.
Ebay? Wait a minute.
Damn. The ebay auction closed.
I lost my weevil.
[Inhaling]
[Moaning]
[Gagging]
Kahn, you may have just made
my autograph worthless.
The auction for that purple weevil wobbler,
what time did it close?
6:58 p.m.
Oh, you wanna go in a chat room
with gene roddenberry's wife?
Listen to me.
Debbie was killed at 6:45.
I didn't inhale until 7:00
at the earliest.
I couldn't have blacked out and killed her.
She was already dead.
Yeah, dude.
You were here
smokin' pot with me.
[Holding breath]
You can tell that to the cops.
I'll back you up.
[Car engine starting]
[Door closes]
Leaving the get in, get out
so soon, payton?
I'm sure there's some candy bars
you haven't questioned.
You had better take them 3 musketeers
into separate rooms.
Maybe one of 'em will crack.
That's a good one, sheriff
how'd hee hawever
let you get away?
Mmm-mmm.
Do i smell peggy hill's old-fashioned buttermilk
griddlecakes?
Sheriff, now, i'm sure
you did not come all this way
just to smell peggy hill's
old-fashioned buttermilk griddlecakes.
Guilty.
Speaking of which, mr. Hill,
debbie's roommate gale's
got an interesting alibi
for the night
of the murder.
Says he was with you,
sparking up a j.
In english, please?
Lighting up a j.
[Gasping]
Getting high? He said that
well,now you have a second crime
to investigate, sheriff.
The attempted assassination
of my husband's character.
How dare you!
My dad would never use drugs.
I say good day, sheriff.
Mr. Hill?
Uh, the boy's right.
I would never smoke pot.
Yeah, yeah, you're as square
as a block of wood.
But this gale feller,
he's from up north.
Hair down to his butt crack
and a layer of filth
that just don't wash off.
Now that i've talked to you,
i know he's just a liar who's got no alibi.
They're arresting
the murderer on t.v.!
It's a woman!
Who is it?
(peggy)
A woman?
(woman on t.v.)
Another arrest at the--
that's not a woman,
that's debbie's roommate.
Uh-uh, her name is gale.
I've never had a homicide go
unsolved in heimlich county,
and my record stands intact.
2 for 2.
But gale couldn't have
done it. He--he was...
he was what, dad?
Uh, n-nothing.
Come on, show peggy's sugarfoot's
in the background.
Show peggy's sugarfoot's
in the background. Show peggy's sugarfoot's..
Yes!
You know, uh, i'm not
so sure this, uh, gale, is it?
I'm just not so sure
he's the right guy who did the murder.
Well, now you're just
talking crazy, hank.
The sheriff
arrested him.
That means
he's guilty.
Bill's right.
I should know.
I've served on 4 jurie
s and we did our job.
4 convictions.
It is not your job as a juror
to just convict.
Is too
[all chattering]
I just wanna say thanks
to buck strickland
for throwin' this
case-closed dinner.
(man #1)
Hear, hear.
The party's also
a sendoff to our good friend,
texas ranger payton,
Who was unable
to solve the crime
[people murmuring]
I hope gale doesn't get off
on some pothead technicality,
right, dad?
Well, those technicalities
have a name, bobby.
They're called
the bill of rights
oh, he's got a right,
he's got a right arm
for them to stick
the needle in.
(man #2)
That'd be good.
All right. All right.
That's enough.
Gale did not kill debbie.
That's right.
He's innocent.
And i know that because
at the time of the murder,
gale was with me.
We were in debbie's apartment,
and, like he said,
we were smoking pot.
[All exclaiming]
?
Who are you, hank hill
now--now,
it was an accident.
I didn't know it was pot,
and god knows
i didn't enjoy it.
But the fact remains,
sheriff,
you have the wrong man
in your jail.
Then it was buck.
Uh-uh, it wasn't me.
I-it was hank.
D-d-didn't you get the tape?
What about that, uh,"hank" nametag
i put in the bushes?
It wasn't hank, it was you.
No, it wasn't.
Then it was miz liz.
No, it wasn't.
All right, fine.
It was me.
I'm your man, sheriff.
You got the right
to remain silent--
if you people are
just about finished,
i'll tell you
who killed debbie.
Debbie's phone record showed
she called mr. Hank hill
a short while
before her death.
Which means
she was home at 6:00 p.m.
Now, what would she have seen
if she looked out her window
at 6:00 p.m., hmm?
Normally, she'd see
sheriff mumford
stuffing some sugarfoot's ribs
into his face.
But on this night,
she saw mr. Buck
and miz liz strickland
entering the restaurant.
Which, according to the sugarfoot's
reservations book,
occurred at...
6:03, mister,
and 6:04, missus.
Seeing buck and miz liz
back together
must have thrown that pretty little tank-wipe
into a jealous rage.
So when she went down
to sugarfoot's--
ah! Peggy's sugarfoot's.
At the time it was
yeah.
The point is, she went there
to kill buck strickland
with the 12-gauge shotgun
he had stashed in her apartment.
So she climbed into the dumpster
next to his cadillac
to lie in wait.
Now, sitting in a dumpster full of half-eaten barbecue
can make you hungry.
And sure enough,
debbie went across the street
To the get in, get out
according to the store
security videotape
and a written deposition
from a mr. Freddie hakimi,
she purchased a big gulp
and a 99-cent nacho plate.
By buying them together,
she saved 23 cents.
My god!
That is one heck of a deal
when debbie returned
to the dumpster,
she saw mr. Strickland's car
and assumed
he was still there.
What she didn't know was that the stricklands
had already left together
in mrs. Strickland's car,
having reconciled physically in a storeroom,
and again
in the meat locker
and once more
in the slop sink.
She had difficulty
juggling the 3 items
as she attempted
to negotiate her way
back into the dumpster.
She put the gun in first.
She wouldn't let go
of that junk food.
And that was the source
of her demise.
For as debbie climbed
into that dumpster,
her foot accidentally tripped
the hammer on the gun.
[Grunting]
[Gunshot]
So, debbie grund's killer
was debbie grund.
Oh, buck,
i am so relieved.
Well, i thought it was you
yeah, and i would have
, too, miz liz.
Yeah, i'd have done it
for you.
Course, i thought you did it.
That's why i planted
the shotgun shell in hank's truck,
to protect you.
You planted evidence for me?
Yeah.
Oh, sugarfoot.
Oh, sweetie.
[Both cooing]
Sorry about that whole
frame-up there, tonto.
I was under a lot of stress.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, ok.
I guess if my mistress
had been murdered
and my wife were a suspect, uh...
yeah.
Well, i guess i let you down, son.
Doin' drugs like that
when i've always told you not to.
You know, if i did something like this,
you'd punish me.
Maybe i should be
able to punish you.
Well, ok, son.
What's my punishment?
Am i grounded?
That's too easy.
You cannot mow the lawn
for one week.
(hank) Oh, come on, son!
It was an accident.
(bobby)
You wanna go for 2?
(bobby)
I say good day, sheriff.
Previously on
king of the hill:
You are in public
with this little bimbo.
I need you to protect me
from miz liz.
.
Well, you are having
an affair with her husband
i was havin' an affair
with my boss.
You're my boss now,
hank.
Oh!
I'm not going to let peggy
find out about any of this.
You know what?
Debbie is history.
Oh, my god! Debbie.
I've gotta stop her.
[Screams]
Debbie?
Somebody shot debbie!
How long does it take debbie
to throw in a load of laundry?
I really need to talk to her.
She should be right up.
Debbie said you were gonna "hey!"
No, we were not.
It was a trick.
Is $300 too much for a hot wheels v.w.
Purple evil weevil?
[Sighs]
Yeah, i could use one, too
.
Damn. The ebay auction closed.
I lost my weevil.
Dang it. Can i get a light off yours?
Huh, that's a funny-looking cigarette.
You roll it yourself?
[Holding breath]
Yeah.
You got a weak flame
on this thing.
[Inhales]
[Coughing]
This isn't one of them
clove cigarettes, is it?
No, man. That's
the chronic from mexico.
Damn n.a.f.t.a
It's clearly an inferior tobacco.
So, does your wife party, too?
Party?
Uh, we throw a party
for 4th of july and labor day.
No, i mean party.
You know, get high, get stoned.
[Exclaims]
[Woman chattering
on police radio]
Mmm-mmm, that barbecue
smells yummy, ms. Hill
now, you heard the gunshot
at 6:45, was it?
That is correct, sheriff.
Mmm-hmm.
And you discovered
the body at 6:47?
Most of it, yes.
So let me get this straight.
Debbie was mr. Strickland's mistress.
and her murdered body
was found at the same plac
where mr. Strickland
and his wife
just got done
reconciling their differences.
Uh-huh. My husband han
k set that up.
Well, the reconciliation,
not--not the murder.
Mmm.
[Retching]
Check you out.
What're you doin'?
[Gasps]
I am inducing vomiting.
Dude. You only had one hit
[continues gagging]
Oh, no. My eyes
are turnin' bloodshot.
I'm goin' on a trip.
I look like i'm doped
out of my gourd.
[Sighs
[dog barking]
[Hank groaning]
I'm too high to drive.
[Panting]
Gotta sleep this off.
[Woman chattering
on police radio]
Found this italian 12-gauge
under the body.
Miz liz.
I think i got my first suspect.
I could send that up to dallas,
have my boys run it for prints.
Oh, who in the hell
called in the texas rangers?
A mrs. Peggy hill,
restauranteur.
I love your show!
I love that walker!
[Sighs]
[Panting]
How long was i sleepin'?
Why--why am i running?
Oh, god! I'm talking to myself.
That's a side effect
of the marijuana poisoning
dad! Dad!
The police are
lookin' for you!
Oh, no. Debbie's
hippie roommate
turned me in
for smoking narcotics.
(peggy)
Hank!
[Clears throat]
[Van engine starts]
debbie's dead?
Oh, i was just in her-
i--i mean, i just talked to her,
uh, a-at work.
Oh, it was awful. I saw her
lying there and... oh, hank.
[Sniffing]
Honey, you reek.
Oh, uh, yeah. Too much time
near the, uh, the propane tanks today.
Mr. Hill, i'm lester payton
with the texas rangers.
Ah.
Nice to meet you.
[Clearing throat]
Mind if i cut in, payton?
This is my dance.
Now, mr. Hill,
i have some questions.
Uh, i--i--i'm sorry. I lost a close friend
and a valued tank-wipe today.
I gotta go home right now.
Peggy, you'll need to drive.
I--i'm in mourning.
That coroner in heimlich county
will get to the bottom of this.
He's a good man.
He did the autopsies
on 2 of my gun-club
buddies last year.
You, uh, you don't think
the police will want to run a drug test
on debbie's coworkers,
do you?
Now that you mention it,
i am positive they will.
They'll drug-test
everyone in arlen.
The price for a bag
of clean urine will double.
W-what do you think'll happen
to the price of poo-poo?
Unchanged.
[Hank sighs]
Debbie bought those flowers
just before she died.
Attention, everybody.
Now that there's no one left at work
for my husband to diddle,
i've allowed him
to return.
Buck strickland.
[Clapping]
Ah. Thank you.
Now, i ain't a stupid man.
I heard the rumors.
I know that i got some fingers
a-pointin' at me.
But i'm givin' y'all
the buck strickland guarantee
that i didn't kill
that pretty girl.
I wanna catch the murderer
more than anything.
So, if any of you have information
for the police,
why don't you just
come see me first?
We can discuss the bes
t way of handlin' that.
Back to work, old top.
[Sighs]
All right, ladybird.
I washed this shirt
a dozen times.
[Sniffing]
What do you think, girl?
Can you still
smell the mary jane?
[Sniffing]
Oh, no.
[Birds chirping]
Uncle hank,
sheriff mumford is here.
Afternoon, hank.
What are you cookin'?
Uh, n-nothing.
Well, my eyesight
ain't what it used to be,
but ain't that some kind of smoke
comin' out of there?
Um, that's the burgers.
Strange-smellin' burgers.
What kind of herbs
you puttin' in there?
Herbs? Oh, god!
That's street talk
for marijuana.
You know, hank,
i spent the day
gathering evidence
over at the casa linda
singles apartments.
And, well, i just thought
you might want to know you are now a suspect...
oh, no!
...in the murder
of debbie grund.
Oh.
[Tittering]
Oh, that.
Oh, god!
Now, this goes
without saying, peggy,
but you know
i'm not guilty.
Of course i know
you didn't kill anyone
but you know what
i do not understand?
The sheriff said
that you had a motive
and it concerns your relationship
with miz liz.
He kept using
that phrase.
"Relationship
with miz liz."
"Relationship
with miz liz."
Uh, well, he may
be referring
to this time
i, uh, went out
to a fraudulent propane emergency
at mrs. Strickland's,
and, uh, well,
she was in a kimono,
and, uh, she wanted me
to, uh, service her
[clears throat]
A-accessories,
uh, not the propane.
.
Oh, okey-dokey
well, now,
that makes some sense.
Mrs. Strickland
was coming on to you,
so you kill debbie
buck goes back
to miz liz,
and miz liz
stops bothering you.
Have you been reading
those rabbi mysteries again?
They do hold up.
Now, if i may be
an advocate of the devil here,
let's combine your motive
with the fact that you hav
e no alibi for 6:45 p.m.
Oh, and the sheriff
called earlier.
He said that they found
your strickland name patch
in the bushes behind
peggy's sugarfoot's.
What? I don't remember
losing my "hank" patch.
Well, you didn't lose it.
He said it had been torn off
as if in a struggle.
[Hank exclaims]
So, hank,
my question to you is:
Why did you not tell me
that miz liz made a pass at you?
So, i was wondering if kid
s who are hopped up on drugs
could do things
they wouldn't remember
when they, you know,
hopped back down.
Absolutely, mr. Jones.
So my son,
who'll be attending arlen high
in a couple of years,
god willing,
and he could get, uh, bake
and leave his nametag
in some bushes somewhere
and then not remember?
Y-yeah. We call that
blacking out.
Heck, i was in prison with a guy who was doing
life for a murder
he didn't even remember
committing. Ok?
So someone could take dope
, black out in a field,
and kill a coworker?
Coworker,
cab driver, prostitute
it doesn't matter who.
[Grunts]
All right. This is about
what debbie weighed.
Does this seem familiar?
Maybe.
[Car approaching]
(mr. Strickland)
Evening, hank.
What are you busying
yourself with there?
Uh, just throwin' out
some expired sand.
Garbage cans
at home are full.
Whatever.
We need to talk.
Let's take a ride.
Your truck.
Uh, where to, sir?
The quarry.
It's deserted
this time of night.
Nobody'll bother us.
Mr. Strickland,
sir, i want you to know
that i don't think
i killed debbie.
I cared for that gal, hank
so, if you've taken me
out here to kill me in retribution,
I believe that
would be premature
i know you fooled around
with debbie, old top.
No, not true.
I rebuffed.
But you were angry at her.
Y-yes.
Louder.
Yes, i was angry.
Debbie threatened
to tell my wife
that we had
sexual relations.
Ok, hank.
I--i got all i need.
A 12-gauge shell.
Oh, my god!
I want you to promise me
you won't ever do drugs, bobby.
I promise.
A promise means nothing
when a junkie tricks you
into smoking a joint
when you think
it's a cigarette,
which you shouldn't smoke,
either.
Now, promise me,
promise me, bobby.
Ok, ok, i promise.
[Sighs]
Promises mean nothing.
Look, dad,
i'm not gonna use drugs
because drugs are for losers.
And i'd never wann
a disappoint you.
[Sighing]
Oh.
Plus, i wanna be the first chubby comic
to live past 35.
Afternoon, hank.
Oh. Hi, sheriff.
Uh, any leads
on the, uh, murderer
that don't point
in my direction?
Ms. Hill, could you
excuse us a moment?
I'd like to tell your husband
a dirty joke.
Sheriff, if this is
about the investigation,
i assure you,
you can speak freely.
My husband and i
have no secrets between us.
Cigarette?
No, we do not smoke.
That's smart. Filthy habit.
Say, could i trouble you
for a light?
Uh, i could look
in the house.
Oh, n-never mind. I got
this here silver lighter.
Found it
in debbie's apartment.
Got the initials
"h.r.h." on it.
Say, now,
what's your middle name?
Rutherford.
Right.
H.r.h.
So, unless his royal highness
the prince of wales
stopped by sunday
night for a smoke--
o-ok. The lighter's mine.
It was a gift from
mrs. Elizabeth strickland.
I--i know all about miz liz.
As i said,
i know everything...
about my husband.
So you know about your husband's
relationship with debbie?
Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
What relationship?
I had no relationship
with debbie.
Sheriff?
Uh-huh.
If i may.
(hank) Debbie threatened
to tell my wife
that we had sexual relations.
[Tape recorder clicks]
Well, i'm sure you folks
have plenty to talk about.
Y'all have a nice day.
I didn't sleep with debbie
i don't know how my lighter
got into her apartment.
And i already told you about bein' in the bathtub
with a naked miz liz.
Did you see her breasts?
Hey, charlie manson.
Can i get your autograph
on this sugarfoot napkin
i pull out of dumpster?
If you murder her, i auction it on ebay
for big bucks.
Ebay? Wait a minute.
Damn. The ebay auction closed.
I lost my weevil.
[Inhaling]
[Moaning]
[Gagging]
Kahn, you may have just made
my autograph worthless.
The auction for that purple weevil wobbler,
what time did it close?
6:58 p.m.
Oh, you wanna go in a chat room
with gene roddenberry's wife?
Listen to me.
Debbie was killed at 6:45.
I didn't inhale until 7:00
at the earliest.
I couldn't have blacked out and killed her.
She was already dead.
Yeah, dude.
You were here
smokin' pot with me.
[Holding breath]
You can tell that to the cops.
I'll back you up.
[Car engine starting]
[Door closes]
Leaving the get in, get out
so soon, payton?
I'm sure there's some candy bars
you haven't questioned.
You had better take them 3 musketeers
into separate rooms.
Maybe one of 'em will crack.
That's a good one, sheriff
how'd hee hawever
let you get away?
Mmm-mmm.
Do i smell peggy hill's old-fashioned buttermilk
griddlecakes?
Sheriff, now, i'm sure
you did not come all this way
just to smell peggy hill's
old-fashioned buttermilk griddlecakes.
Guilty.
Speaking of which, mr. Hill,
debbie's roommate gale's
got an interesting alibi
for the night
of the murder.
Says he was with you,
sparking up a j.
In english, please?
Lighting up a j.
[Gasping]
Getting high? He said that
well,now you have a second crime
to investigate, sheriff.
The attempted assassination
of my husband's character.
How dare you!
My dad would never use drugs.
I say good day, sheriff.
Mr. Hill?
Uh, the boy's right.
I would never smoke pot.
Yeah, yeah, you're as square
as a block of wood.
But this gale feller,
he's from up north.
Hair down to his butt crack
and a layer of filth
that just don't wash off.
Now that i've talked to you,
i know he's just a liar who's got no alibi.
They're arresting
the murderer on t.v.!
It's a woman!
Who is it?
(peggy)
A woman?
(woman on t.v.)
Another arrest at the--
that's not a woman,
that's debbie's roommate.
Uh-uh, her name is gale.
I've never had a homicide go
unsolved in heimlich county,
and my record stands intact.
2 for 2.
But gale couldn't have
done it. He--he was...
he was what, dad?
Uh, n-nothing.
Come on, show peggy's sugarfoot's
in the background.
Show peggy's sugarfoot's
in the background. Show peggy's sugarfoot's..
Yes!
You know, uh, i'm not
so sure this, uh, gale, is it?
I'm just not so sure
he's the right guy who did the murder.
Well, now you're just
talking crazy, hank.
The sheriff
arrested him.
That means
he's guilty.
Bill's right.
I should know.
I've served on 4 jurie
s and we did our job.
4 convictions.
It is not your job as a juror
to just convict.
Is too
[all chattering]
I just wanna say thanks
to buck strickland
for throwin' this
case-closed dinner.
(man #1)
Hear, hear.
The party's also
a sendoff to our good friend,
texas ranger payton,
Who was unable
to solve the crime
[people murmuring]
I hope gale doesn't get off
on some pothead technicality,
right, dad?
Well, those technicalities
have a name, bobby.
They're called
the bill of rights
oh, he's got a right,
he's got a right arm
for them to stick
the needle in.
(man #2)
That'd be good.
All right. All right.
That's enough.
Gale did not kill debbie.
That's right.
He's innocent.
And i know that because
at the time of the murder,
gale was with me.
We were in debbie's apartment,
and, like he said,
we were smoking pot.
[All exclaiming]
?
Who are you, hank hill
now--now,
it was an accident.
I didn't know it was pot,
and god knows
i didn't enjoy it.
But the fact remains,
sheriff,
you have the wrong man
in your jail.
Then it was buck.
Uh-uh, it wasn't me.
I-it was hank.
D-d-didn't you get the tape?
What about that, uh,"hank" nametag
i put in the bushes?
It wasn't hank, it was you.
No, it wasn't.
Then it was miz liz.
No, it wasn't.
All right, fine.
It was me.
I'm your man, sheriff.
You got the right
to remain silent--
if you people are
just about finished,
i'll tell you
who killed debbie.
Debbie's phone record showed
she called mr. Hank hill
a short while
before her death.
Which means
she was home at 6:00 p.m.
Now, what would she have seen
if she looked out her window
at 6:00 p.m., hmm?
Normally, she'd see
sheriff mumford
stuffing some sugarfoot's ribs
into his face.
But on this night,
she saw mr. Buck
and miz liz strickland
entering the restaurant.
Which, according to the sugarfoot's
reservations book,
occurred at...
6:03, mister,
and 6:04, missus.
Seeing buck and miz liz
back together
must have thrown that pretty little tank-wipe
into a jealous rage.
So when she went down
to sugarfoot's--
ah! Peggy's sugarfoot's.
At the time it was
yeah.
The point is, she went there
to kill buck strickland
with the 12-gauge shotgun
he had stashed in her apartment.
So she climbed into the dumpster
next to his cadillac
to lie in wait.
Now, sitting in a dumpster full of half-eaten barbecue
can make you hungry.
And sure enough,
debbie went across the street
To the get in, get out
according to the store
security videotape
and a written deposition
from a mr. Freddie hakimi,
she purchased a big gulp
and a 99-cent nacho plate.
By buying them together,
she saved 23 cents.
My god!
That is one heck of a deal
when debbie returned
to the dumpster,
she saw mr. Strickland's car
and assumed
he was still there.
What she didn't know was that the stricklands
had already left together
in mrs. Strickland's car,
having reconciled physically in a storeroom,
and again
in the meat locker
and once more
in the slop sink.
She had difficulty
juggling the 3 items
as she attempted
to negotiate her way
back into the dumpster.
She put the gun in first.
She wouldn't let go
of that junk food.
And that was the source
of her demise.
For as debbie climbed
into that dumpster,
her foot accidentally tripped
the hammer on the gun.
[Grunting]
[Gunshot]
So, debbie grund's killer
was debbie grund.
Oh, buck,
i am so relieved.
Well, i thought it was you
yeah, and i would have
, too, miz liz.
Yeah, i'd have done it
for you.
Course, i thought you did it.
That's why i planted
the shotgun shell in hank's truck,
to protect you.
You planted evidence for me?
Yeah.
Oh, sugarfoot.
Oh, sweetie.
[Both cooing]
Sorry about that whole
frame-up there, tonto.
I was under a lot of stress.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, ok.
I guess if my mistress
had been murdered
and my wife were a suspect, uh...
yeah.
Well, i guess i let you down, son.
Doin' drugs like that
when i've always told you not to.
You know, if i did something like this,
you'd punish me.
Maybe i should be
able to punish you.
Well, ok, son.
What's my punishment?
Am i grounded?
That's too easy.
You cannot mow the lawn
for one week.
(hank) Oh, come on, son!
It was an accident.
(bobby)
You wanna go for 2?
(bobby)
I say good day, sheriff.