King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 2, Episode 14 - I Remember Mono - full transcript

While working part-time at she and Hank's old high school, Peggy learns that Hank had mono (the kissing disease). But Peggy has never had mono so that could mean Hank got it from another woman. After Peggy stops speaking to him Hank jumps through hoops to impress her.

??[rock 'n' roll
music playing]

[birds chirping]

no time to eat
.

I have to get this
valentine done,

so I can mail it
by tomorrow.

Well, at least
eat the butter, bobby.

It's loaded with vitamin a.

What's this, bobby?
Have a girlfriend? Ha.

shh.

"happy valentine's day,
joseph."

"love, bobby"?



"hey, hot stuff"?

Bobby, you can't
give this to joseph.

Why not?
He is hot stuff.

You should see
him skateboard
.

bobby,if you give a valentine
to a 6th-grade boy,

girls are gonna
think you're sensitive.

And somethin' like that

can follow you
the rest o' your life.

Now, here's
a candy for joseph.

It says, "hey, you're ok."

And we'll just put this card
over here for now.

All right, I can use that.

Who's your valentine, luanne?

me.



Since buckley said
he's gonna forget
valentine's day again,

I finally made myself realize
that to love yourself,

that's
the greatest love of all.

Isn't that right, aunt peggy?

Um, no.

Um, no. That's not really
true at all, in fact.

[sighs]

love between 2 people
is the greatest thing
that there is.

At least, that's true
of uncle hank and i.

Would you like to hear
the story of how
we first realized

we were meant to be together?

I'm listenin'.

Well, our first
valentine's day, we weren't
even in the same room.

But I have to say,
it may have been
our most romantic.

[tires screeching]

[birds chirping]

ok.

(peggy)
my school, west arlen,

was playing hank's school,
arlen high.

Hank and I had been dating
about 6 months

and things were
really heating up.

Miss platter, hello.

Well, hello to you, Mr. Hill.

Take it easy on
our girls, ok?

I certainly will not.

heh.

You know, um,
valentine's is comin' up.

Yeah. One of the girls
had mentioned that
on the bus ride.

Yeah, um,
some of the other guys,

you know, their girlfriend
s are making 'em dinner.

oh.

So...

So, you...

Uh...

Yeah, I was thinkin',
maybe you could be
makin' me dinner.

Yeah, I could--

That's a great idea.
I could make you dinner.

All right.

.
All right.
I'll see you later

hon, this is so cute.

Your first big meal.
It must--

Peggy,
you are not trying to make--

That's right.
Beef wellington.

?
Cherry pie

why not just build him
a rocket ship?

Mom, would you stop it?

He is my boyfriend,
it is my dinner,
I will cook it.

But, peggy, if hank discovers
you cannot even bake,

it is all over.

?
You think I can't see that

do not say "can't."

You will not use contractions
in this house.

[exclaiming]

[dishes shattering]

[sighs]

.
cook, darn you

[screams]

[peggy sobbing]

why me?

Phone call for you, dear.

Your eyebrows look very nice.

Hello?

Hi, peggy, I'm really sorry,

but I pulled
some tendons in my back,

and I can't come
over for dinner.

(peggy)
you can't?

Ah, don't cry, peggy.

I'm sorry I ruined
your valentine's day.

.
You didn't. I mean,
i'm just so glad you're ok

uh, but I'm not ok.

Uh-huh.

I bet I'm missin'
a great dinner, huh?

.
I made beef wellington

really?

Is that steak?

Yes, sir.

And I made a cherry pie.

And a blueberry pie.

Wow, peggy,
I love both those pies!

Hey, hold one of them
up to the phone
so I can smell it.

I'm holding one up to
the phone right now.

Oh, it's hot.

Oh, yeah.
I'm just imaginin' eatin' it.

mmm.

So tasty.

And the soup
I made is good, too.

Cream of beef wellington.

Mmm, my favorite.

Oh, you dropped
a little on your chin.

Uh-huh.

I dabbed it with a napkin.

Uh-huh.

Oh, no, you got
a little on your earlobe.
I'll get it.

Heh-heh.

I'm just a big, clumsy guy.

[giggles]

2 weeks later,
when his back healed,

we were engaged to be engaged.

You know, if I hadn't
hurt my back that day,

I would've known
she couldn't cook.

And then I
would've been forced

to not marry
this little gal.

wow!

So, I guess what
they say is true,

there is somebody out ther
e for everybody.

huh?

No, I don't think
that follows at all, luanne.

Nope, not for everybody.
Uh-uh.

oh.

Oh, guess what else.

I'm gonna see that
old school today.

I'm subbin' for
the record keeper.

The old high school, huh?

,
Boy! I haven't
been there since, what

the season ended,
I guess, almost,

uh, 2 months ago.

Yep, 2 months.

.
Got a package
for you, bobby

"happy valentine's day.
Love, your secret admirer.

p.s.
Expect me valentine's night"?

Whoah.

Who could it be?
The only girl you
ever talk to is connie.

I know.

hey!

It could be kerri strug!

At least,
I hope it's kerri strug.

"code 12: tardiness.

"code 16:
not following directions.

Code 40:
following directions
too closely."

You don't see that much.

Oh, this takes me back.

Rhonda culpepper.
I went to school with her.

Did you know
she was a code 42?

[gasps]

no. I just thought
she'd gotten fat
for a semester.

Hey, I think we know
this character.

Becky, we are not
paid to snoop.

All right, then.

"hank hill,
permanent record file 5402."

[keyboard clacking]

.
give me that freakin' file

"4th grade,
kicked out of chorus
for refusing to sing

"where have all
the flowers gone?"

"9th grade,
told debate team
to quote, 'shut the hell up.'"

[laughing]

"12th grade,
absent for 2 weeks,
starting on valentine's day."

.
Yep. Hank hurt
his back that week

it's one of our favorite stories.

Oh, peggy, you don't
have to lie to me.

So he had mono.

It was 20 years ago.

Mono?

The "kissing disease"?

You two must have
been very busy
that valentine's day.

.
Becky, I never had
mono in my entire life

oh!

[gulping]

hey, hank,

did you ever wonder what it'd be like

to drink beer
standin' over there?

Curiosity
killed the cat, Dale.

Hello, my husband.

I was just thinkin' about
some of your
high-school football days.

Well, good.
That's a good thing
to be thinkin' about.

Uh-huh.

You know, like,
when you hurt your back

and you were out
for a few weeks?

Oh, yeah, yeah,

I took a pretty big hit,
I tell you what! Heh, heh.

You know,
a funny thing happened today.

I took a look in
your permanent record
and it says,

you had mono those 2 weeks.

How did you get mono, hank?

Uh, well,

I happened to share
a soda with a guy
on the team one day.

It was the '70s, you know.

That's funny.

You know, on the way out
of the building,

I stopped by
the school nurse's office.

She did not mention
that you could
get mono that way.

Well, I wouldn't put
too much stock in
what that woman said,

if you know what I mean.

[gulping]

(peggy)
oh.

well,
I wasn't aware of that.

For a moment there,
I thought...

Well, never mind
what I thought.

She's on the trail.
She's gonna find out.

No, she's not.

Unless you let
somethin' slip.

I don't let
things slip, hank.

I place information.

Normally I'd share
these chocolates
with you all.

It's just that these came
from my secret admirer,

so they're kinda special.

You know what's funny?

We were talking
about kerri strug, like,
2 days ago, remember?

Now you get
this valentine.

It's probably from
kerri strug.

Why do you think
she's so great?

So she does gymnastics.
So what?

Let's see her play violin.

Besides, she's in her 30s.
They don't tell you that.

You're missing the point,
connie.

She had a broken leg and--

[choking]
and she just kept goin'.

I think connie likes you.

Well, see,
once one girl likes you,

it's like havin'
a ring on your finger.

Beck, when you were entering
the records for
hank's senior class,

did you notice anyone else
on the football team
with mono?

Oh, hon, you just can't get it
out of your head, can you?

Oh, I know it seems silly.

I don't-- I just,
i--i'm afraid I can't.

Well, neither could i.
I already did the search.

There weren't any
other football players
with mono.

Unless a girl named amy edlin
was on the team.

who?

So the whore
"played well with others,"
did she?

This--this girl could have
been drinking a soda,

and--and she set it down
next to a football player,

and hank assumed
it belonged to
said player and--

That's it, peggy.

You just take that lie

and wrap it around yoursel
f like a warm blanket.

Well, I don't know
it's a lie, yet.

I looked up amy edlin
in the phone book,

and by posing as
a college-bound
telemarketer,

I found out where she works.

And I'm going to visit
her today, and I am
gonna get to the truth.

You are making
a big mistake, shug.

.
The truth is like sunlight

people used to think
it was good for you.

What do you want
to get her?

Something romantic and frilly.

Like the wife of
a magician would wear.

It's compulsory that
you be my valentine.

[grunting]

yeah.

Oh, man!

Hello.
ahh!

[both gasping]

care to try a saus-trich?

Oh, no.

Wife won't forgive me
if I spoil my dinner.

Is she here? I don't see her.

Well, maybe just this once.

Care to try a saus-trich?

No, thank you.

What I'm here for
does not fit on a toothpick,

and it certainly
is not made of ostrich meat.

It is called the truth.

.
All right.
There is some turkey in it

yes, I assumed that.

Let me put this another way.

I want to talk about what,
if anything,

happened between you
and a boy named hank hill

in february
about 20 years ago.

Does that ring a bell?

Who are you?

I am a lot of things.

I am a mother, I am a teacher,

and I am a wife
with some questions

that desperately
need to be answered.

They call me peggy hill.

,
It was a few weeks
before valentine's

.
and my boyfriend
had just broken up with me

(amy)
I guess I just had
something to prove.

It could've been anybody.

Oh, no! Can somebody help me?

My bells are
caught in my bike chain.

Don't struggle,
you'll only make it worse.

I just feel so helpless,

.
ever since
my boyfriend..

Was killed

in the jungles of vietnam.

Oh, darn!
I'm so sorry about your loss.

You're very brave to bicycle
in the state you're in.

Thank you.
You've helped me so much.

[smacking]

what?
No, no, I have a girlfriend.

Is she here?
I don't see her.

Yeah, but no.

Come here.

Stop.

Don't-- stop.

So sweet. Mmm.

Oh. Oh.

So that's the story.

Here. This coupon
won't take away the pain,

but it will take 30 cents off
your next purchase
of saus-trich.

Saus-trich lite,
and our new
deli-style saus-trami.

Well, thank you for telling me
the truth about my husband.

You have really
eased my mind.

[shrieking]

[gasping]

peggy,
it was over 20 years ago.

No, no, sir!

It was just yesterday
that we told luanne

the story of how your bad back
saved our relationship,
remember?

And that means you have
been lying every single da
y since high school.

That is thousands
and thousands of lies.

Ok, it's true. I did lie.

.
Uh-huh

oh, it feels great
to get that off my chest.

Give me a hug.
I've never felt
closer to you.

.
Back off, mister.
I do not feel close to you

peggy, you got to understand.
I was 17-years-old.

I'd spent most of
my teenage years
working on my offense.

I had no defense.

Then, why didn't you
just tell me?

.
I would have
forgiven you, hank

I mean, I made out
with plenty of guy
s behind your back.

What?

Of course, I did not.

But now you know
how it feels.

So we're even?

.
Oh, no, we are not

hank, I could
forgive the kissing.

I can even forgive the lyin'.

But there's one thing
I cannot forgive.

Our marriage was built
on a wonderful
little romantic story.

Hank, in my opinion,

it was the 2nd greates
t story ever told.

But now,
now we have no story.

All we have is a-- is
a big side of beef
and 3 broken ribs.

You break it, you buy it.
That's pink & white for you.

So here's the plan.

When my secret admirer
comes to the door,

you say hello.

Offer her a drink.
Compliment her dress

or leotard.

y
Oh, you're so luck

that somebody
loves you, bobby.

Right now, I'd give anything
just to have someone say,

"happy
valentine's day, luanne."

Oh, luanne,

have you heard a word I said?

Morning, peggy
. What did you d
o to your hair?

.
Nothin'.
That's exactly it. Nothin'

huh.

bye, mom.
I'm off to school.

Bye, sweetie.
I love you, baby.

Uh, I guess
i'll be leaving, too, hon.

Whatever.

Love you.

Right.

oh.

Hey, I didn't know peggy's
brother was in town.

ow!

o
There's so many
little things that women d

that you just sort of
take for granted.

Now peggy's stopped
doin' all of them.

It's like she's
just some mopey gal

with big feet who
lives in my house.

You gotta do something
that sweeps her off
those big feet, hank.

Toss a little woo at her,
see what sticks.

I don't know.

I used up
all my good material

winning peggy over
the first time.

I tell you what.
Put a little whipped cream
on that old plastic wrap.

.
Maybe you can steal
somethin' from a movie

.
like lethal weapon

man, those two guy
s loved each other.

Yeah, I'll tell you something
I saw in a movie one time.

See, this pig got loose
in this couple's house,

and they chased it around

until they fell
on top of each other,

and they were
laughin' and gigglin' and...

Lovin'.

[sighs]

ok.

peggy, come out here
a minute, would you?

Oops, oh my gosh!
You're about to step
in that rain puddle.

That gives me an idea.

Now you may pass unsoiled,
mademoiselle.

Isn't that the jacket
that I made for you?

You said that gangs
stole that jacket

because it was
the wrong color.

huh.

If your lies were dollars,
I would have
a $100,000 by now

and I would live
off the interest, hank.

I'd still have to keep my job,
but things would
be a lot easier.

Guess who?

[screaming]

.
oh, you have
gasoline on your hands

yeah, I was cleaning
tar off the driveway.

My eyes--
My eyes are burnin'.

Hey, now that
you're splashin',
let's have a splash fight.

?
Stop it.
What is wrong with you

hey, where are you goin'?
It's fun.

oh.

(peggy)
oh, ooh!

[snorting]

what the hey?

It's a little pig
in the house.

Oh, this is crazy.
It's fun like in that movie.

.
Let's chase it together.
I'll grab it
and you snatch the bow

it'll be romantic.

Come on, it's pig-chasing.

(bobby)
mom, dad,
there's a pig in the house.

Oh, peggy, I'm tryin'
to be romantic here.

.
I just wanted
to make things right again

for that, you would
need a time machine.

And all you have is a pig.

You can't just make up
a romantic story for us.

The great ones
just happen naturally.

And right now,

neither of us knows
if one will
ever happen again.

But, peggy...

[pig squealing]
ah, ah! Ugh!

[growling]

my back.

Congratulations, hank.

You just ruined
one of my favorite movies.

When's your date
going to get here?

How should I know?

I don't even know
for sure who she is,

or if her leg is fully healed.

Where should we hide?

(bobby)
in the closet.

And don't play wit
h the dry-cleaning bag,
you could suffocate.

.
Hey, where's connie?
She'd want to see this

I thought she'd be here.

(luanne)
bobby, your secret
admirer is here.

Grandma?

Happy valentine's day,
boo-boo!

no!

[chuckling]

.
your grandmother loves you

[boggle cubes rattling]

you cannot believe
what hank has put me through.

I--I have never seen
a more pathetic series

of unromantic,
childish stunts.

Oh, shug.

First, he thinks flowers
are going to make
everything better.

.
They just don't get it

typical. Flowers.

e
Then, he actually drank
a whole bottle of champagn

out of one of my pumps.

My charcoal pads filtered out
most of the alcohol,

but he still got tipsy enough
to sing a chuck mangione song.

??[humming]

that one?

It is our song.

Then he lets a rented pig
go in my house

and he tries
to get me to chase it.

Just like in that
famous movie, right?

Uh-huh.

And he ends up flat
on his back in bed,
on valentine's day,

just like in high school.

[sighing]

you know, you could write
that story down,

.
put fabio on the cover
and sell it at the airport

that is one of
the sweetest stories.

Nancy,

could I--

Could I borrow
your cell phone
for a moment?

[ringing]

[sighing]

hello.

(peggy)
hello, Mr. Hill.
This is Miss platter.

oh.

Well, good evenin'
, Miss platter.

Uh, to what do I owe
the pleasure of this call?

Well, I'm calling
to let you know

that your dinner is ready.

And, uh,

what did you make for dinner?

Well, I thought about it
and decided to make you

beef wellington.

Beef wellington, huh?

How'd it turn out this time?

Well, I'd have to say
it's pretty perfect.

Of course it is,
that's your specialty.

That's right.

And I baked you a cherry pie

with a golden-brown crust.

Boy! I tell you what, peggy.
That's my favorite.

Mmm-hmm.

[dish shatters]

(peggy)
mother, be careful.

That woman in that movie
was 30 years younger than you.

[pig squeals]

(luanne)
stay outta here!
This is my room, you pig!

A pig in the house
. It's crazy. It's fun.

Come on, bobby
.

(peggy)
mother, do not lift the pig.

Keep the pig on the ground.

(luanne)
am I supposed
to kill this pig?