King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 13, Episode 9 - What Happens at the National Propane Gas Convention in Memphis Stays at the National Propane Gas Convention in Memphis - full transcript

Ripped By mstoll

I'm starting to worry.

Mr. Strickland's
been in his office

with the door shut
for more than an hour.

Maybe he's passed out
drunk on his mini-toilet.

Maybe he's stone-cold dead.

Dang it, I'm going in.

Take the defibrillator, honey.

People, I've been on the horn

with the National Propane Gas
Consortium.

Y'all are looking



at the newest inductee
into the Propane Hall of Flame.

Oh, my Lord, sir.

That's the highest achievement
possible in propane.

I'm at the top of the mountain
all right.

And you're my...
What do you call them goat men

that keep you
from freezing to death?

You're his Sherpa, honey.

That's right,
and to show my appreciation,

I want you to introduce me
at the induction ceremony

at the national convention
next week in Memphis.

This is the greatest honor
I will ever know.

Let's celebrate.

Who wants breakfast whiskey?

Tell me about the sport coat
again, Dad.



The Hall of Flame honoree gets
to wear a special blazer

at the induction ceremony.

It's graduated in color
like a flame itself...

Bright blue at the bottom,
then bright red,

then bright orange,
then bright yellow,

and then bright white
at the shoulders and collar.

Do you get to wear one, too?

No, son.

Standing next to Buck Strickland
in his moment of glory is

probably as close
as I'll ever get

to wearing the rainbow blazer.

The rainbow blazer.

I don't know, Peggy,

this is the greatest moment
in Strickland Propane history,

but what if Buck blows it?

What if he gives in
to his appetites?

Do not worry, Hank.

You have kept him out of trouble
for 23 years.

If anyone can shield
Buck Strickland from booze

and women at a convention
in a good-time town, it's you,

but if you need me for backup,
I am an expert fun-blocker.

Yeah, between the two of us,

we can handle Buck.

I can't believe I'm really here.

This is my Super Bowl, Peggy.

Mr. and Mrs. Hill?

I'm Melanie Scovall.

I'll be your convention liaison.

Now where's the man of honor,
Mr. Strickland?

Ugh, I've lost visual contact.

Red alert, Peggy.

I'll check the bar.

Oh, there he is.

Stand at attention, men.

Hall of Flamer coming through.

The years have been good
to you, John.

You're a more distinguished kind
of ugly.

Peggy, I think I was worried
about Buck for nothing.

It's past noon, he's not drunk,

and he's got people
eating out of his hand.

This right here is
Hall of Flame Buck Strickland.

Honey, you are doing fine
without me.

I have a ladies'
prayer breakfast to attend.

Please don't forget to register

for the grand prize
in our raffle.

Strickland Propane?

Aw, shoot, I requested a booth
next to the men's room.

This can't be right.

Good Lord, sir,

there are
two Strickland Propanes.

Strickland Propane...
Arlen, Texas...

And Strickland Propane...
Gatlinburg, Tennessee.

Thank y'all for visiting
Strickland Propane.

Don't taste the heat;
taste the meat.

Dang it.

What in the Sam Hill
is going on here?

You're using my name and
about 90% of my slogan.

Are you
the great Buck Strickland?

None other.
Who're you?

Sir, I've waited
all my life to meet you.

I'm your bastard son.

Well, I'll be dogged.

Hank, this here's
my son... er, uh, Ray?

Uh, Roy?

Uh, Ray Roy?

My name's Jody, but you can
call me whatever you want.

The important part of my name
is Strickland.

Well, Ray Roy,

what do you say to your
old man buying you a drink?

Just one? Shoot,
I'm ready to drink you broke.

But sir, uh, w-we've
got to set up our booth.

Cover for me.

So what's the bastard like?

Well, the apple didn't fall far

from Mr. Strickland's tree,
I tell you what.

They hadn't been together
two minutes

when they went off drinking.

I'm afraid I might have
to keep 'em apart

for the good of Buck
and Strickland Propane.

Hmm, you want to keep
Buck Strickland

away from his own son.

Admit it, Hank, you're jealous.

You just want to be
the bastard son

Buck Strickland never had
but apparently did.

Why would I want
to be Buck's son

when I'm his assistant manager?

Hmm, translation:
"Love me, Daddy."

Don't forget to register

for the grand prize
in our raffle.

Thank goodness you're back.

I was getting worried.

There's my body spray.

Come on, Pop.

Let's get back in the funk.

You got it, turkey.

W-Wait, wait, sir,
where are you going?

Oh, we going to, uh...

Son, what's the bad part
of Memphis called?

Memphis.

Yeah, that's where we headed.

But sir, people are
coming here to see you.

Mr. Strickland,

we've got a reception
in the Crystal Room at 3:00 p.m.

where you'll be
the guest of honor.

You hear that, sir?
3:00.

He'll be there.

Well, lookie-lookie,
there goes a tookie.

Sorry, Papa got dibs
on that one.

Stand in line, squirt.

Whatever you say, Pop.

Let's smack this town's bottom.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Sir, we're in the middle
of important...

This your first ladies'
prayer breakfast?

Yes, it is.

I'll let you in on
a little secret.

The object here isn't to
get close to the Lord.

It's to get close to
the Platinum Circle.

Ah, yes,
the first ladies of propane.

Tru Wigant, Wendy Fortner,

Jane Ann Kuykendall,
and... wait.

Where's Bebe Wren?

Oh, she's not a wife now.

She's an owner...

ever since her husband
Buddy dropped dead

at the carving station
at The Brown Cow.

So the Platinum Circle
has an opening? Hmm...

Be sure to register
at the hospitality desk in the west...

Buck Strickland a no-show?

No problem.

Meet friends of Buck Strickland.

I'm sorry Buck's not here,
Ms. Scovall.

He was at a Q and
A session, and, uh,

wouldn't you know he got more
"Q" s than he bargained for.

I'll see that he shows up
from now on.

Your boss should take
conventions more seriously.

The United States Constitution
was written at a convention.

This is Mr. Strickland's
Hall of Flame jacket.

I'm entrusting you with it until
the ceremony tomorrow night.

Do not make me regret it.

The rainbow blazer.

I am Peggy Hill.

My husband Hank is introducing

the newest Hall of Flame
inductee, Buck Strickland.

I'm supposed to be impressed?

My husband Pollard is
the president

of the National Propane Gas
Consortium.

Okay.

I am bested but not rattled.

Peggy, you had the guts
to sit there.

You can stay
till your luck runs out.

Deal me in.

Shirley Temple,
meet Mr. Roy Rogers.

Ah... yeah.

Look at that fool,

looking all around like,
like a stupid squirrel.

That's my dad.

Buck, Buck.

You didn't show up

for your meet-and-greet.

Yeah, I was meeting and greeting
a few cocktail waitresses.

Look, I know you want to
spend time with your son...

The cat's in the
cradle and whatnot...

But the prestige of
the Hall of Flame comes

with certain obligations.

Come on, Daddy,
we got us a lady sandwich.

Well, Hank, got to skedaddle.

Buck and Ray Roy
are getting out of control.

Peggy, they mooned Elvis's grave

and his poor little
dead twin brother Jesse.

Well, you'd better figure out
a way to handle those two.

While not impossible,
you cannot count

on one of them to
choke on his own vomit.

Mr. Strickland,
we need to talk.

Oh, for crying out loud,

it's, it's, well,
it's 2:00 in the afternoon.

Yes, in six hours, you're
supposed to be inducted

into the Propane Hall of Flame,

and I'm not sure
you're going to make it.

I'm not sure you should.

Dang it, I'm trying, Hank,

but I've got
to make it up to my boy

for neglecting him
all these years.

He got into propane
'cause of me.

So did I, sir.

I am violating all
kinds of protocol here,

but I want you to
try on this jacket.

Well, that feels nice.

If you want to wear the jacket,

you've got to live the jacket.

All right, Ol' Top,

I'll straighten up.

Gotdog! Ray Roy!

Now, I hope
you got two girls in there!

What the...?!

I told you to stand in line!

You didn't stand in line, boy!

Hell, Daddy,
that line was moving too slow.

I just had to do cut-sies!

Cut... Why you son of a...

Oh, no.

Yeah!

Yeah! RAY ROY: Ow!

Ow!

I have had enough!

Oh, Hank, we were just
letting off a little steam.

I have tried with all my might

to save you from yourself,
Mr. Strickland.

Well, not anymore.

You're on your own.

You should be ashamed
of yourselves.

And that includes you,
Ms. Scovall.

You have not honored propane.

He's right.

I should be ashamed of myself.

But I never am.

Hey, Hank.

Long Island iced tea?

I can't believe those words
came out of your mouth.

Or did you point to the menu?

How did it go down?

Keep an eye on your friend.

He's tore up pretty bad.

Usually, it's a woman involved,
but apparently,

a couple of dudes named
Strickland did it to him.

I don't ever want to hear
the name Strickland again.

What are you talking about?

This whole thing is because
your name isn't Strickland.

You think I'm jealous
of Buck and Ray Roy?

Who cares?

I sure don't.

Now, Hank, that's just
the rum and tequila

and vodka and gin talking.

I'm gonna give that S.O.B.
an introduction

he'll never forget.

We're here to honor one
of the giants of Texas propane,

Mr. Buck Strickland.

To introduce Mr. Strickland,
his right-hand man, Hank Hill.

I'm not gonna say...

Hell, I am gonna say
what I have been wanting to say.

Buck Strickland is a monster.

A drunk monster.

Buck Strickland is nothing
but a lecherous,

disgusting,
bastard-making bastard...

And now I'm going to vomit.

God, I don't know what happened.

I just snapped.

Now the Board of Governors
is having a special session

this afternoon
to determine my punishment.

It is just not right

that Buck Strickland has been a
drunken boor his whole life,

and you, his white knight, are
the one who's in trouble.

I am so sorry, Peggy.

I guess this has probably
put you in a tough spot

with the Platinum Circle.

Yeah, well, that dream died

when you threw up
in Tru Wigant's hair.

But I am not gonna
let your career die.

Daddy...

I-I feel awful
about trading paint

with what's-her-face.

Oh, hell, son, if we can
get past me abandoning you

and never supporting you,
we can get past this.

What do you say we call it even?

Fair enough.

Oh, hell,
this ain't gonna be good.

Because of your
shameful behavior,

my husband is in danger

of losing all
he has ever worked for.

Hank has devoted
his entire adult life

to you and your company.

He is your company.

Without him, there is
no Strickland Propane.

Well, there is the one
in Tennessee.

Save it, Junior.

You're punching the heavy bag.

You two put Hank
in this position.

You're gonna fix it.

All right, boy,
we got to fix it.

Yeah. We need some schnapps
to help us think!

Let's get the hell
out of here, boy!

Damn! My breath stinks
like blood and peppermint.

Maybe this is why Mama never
wanted us to get together.

Yeah, and why Hank was
trying to keep us apart.

Oh, hell.

We forgot all about
saving Hank's bacon.

All right, here's
what we gonna do.

We gonna take us a hot
shower and a little nap.

Then we're gonna fix things the
way fellas like us fix things.

And then we ain't ever
gonna see each other again.

Okay, Dad.

You know how to do a first-class
hospitality suite, don't you?

I am your son, ain't I?

Mr. Hill,

your guilt hardly
seems to be at issue.

So we can skip right on
to the punishment phase, which...

I'll give you a preview...
Will be severe.

Yes, sir.

I-I can't tell you
how sorry I am.

Hello?

Buck.

Well, we're kind
of in the middle

of our disciplinary hearing...

Like the one in '84?

Oh, very well, then.

We'll see you shortly.

That was Buck Strickland.

His hospitality suite is open.

Like the one in '84?

Mr. Hill, the Board of Governors
needs to adjourn

to caucus about your case.

You stay put.

I won't move a muscle.

I will await your just decision.

Your husband is a disgrace.

I'm being frozen out.

I get it.

Look, as my way of saying

"I'm sorry for being married
to such a horrible man,"

I would like to treat each
and every one of you

to a spa afternoon.

Manis, pedis, facials.

Hair?

The works.

Done!

We sat in every chair
in the hotel, dude!

Yup.

Pollard, gentlemen,

welcome to the Strickland
Hospitality Suite.

We got us a
scrumptious selection

of desserts in the back room.

Oh, hi!

Yes, my husband made a mistake.

All propane men make
mistakes sometimes.

Including some of your husbands.

I'm in my third term
as president

of the Propane Gas Consortium.

Oh.

Well...

now that everybody's got
a pretty girl in his lap,

I'd like to talk about leniency
for my employee, Hank Hill.

Set up!

Everybody run!

Ray Roy, lock the door.

Now, you're all reasonable men.

Surely you can find forgiveness
in your hearts for old Hank

before your wives get here.

Uh-oh, lost
my bikini top!

Ooh, gotcha!

Ow!

Ooh!

Come down here.

Let me tickle you.

You win, Buck.

Y'ello.

Get their hair done.

Mr. Hill,

we had an opportunity

to talk with your employer,
Buck Strickland.

He convinced us that not only

should your actions
last night be forgiven,

your actions over your
20 years of service

are deserving
of the highest honor.

He was very persuasive.

Accordingly,

the Board of Governors has voted
unanimously to award you

this Hall of Flame jacket.

Does this mean?

I... Wait.

I'm in the Hall of Flame?

All of propane owes you a debt.

Most importantly,
I owe you a debt.

Thanks, OI' Top.

Congratulations, Hank.

Here, let me help
you with your jacket.

Well, Buck, I'll let you say
good-bye to your son.

Well, this is good-bye
forever, right?

Forever, Dad.

My breath stinks like
blood and peppermint.

Ripped By mstoll