King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 13, Episode 22 - Bill Gathers Moss - full transcript
To relieve his loneliness, Bill takes in some roommates. They include a former pin up girl. a Russian who deals in high-end fashion knockoffs and Principal Moss.
Ripped By mstoll
Thank God you're here, Bobby.
Lori and me are gonna make out
in the janitor's closet.
Will you be our lookout?
No, I can't.
Madame Pascal makes you explain
why you're tardy in French,
but I can only say my name.
Dude.
Just hurry up.
Why aren't you in class?
Emily! Please don't bust me,
I was just...
Out of my way, you two.
I need some sawdust to clean up
some throw up from...
a kid.
Oh, don't go in there, sir.
I'm developing pictures;
they're almost set.
Whoa!
I'm calling it in.
I guess that's
what the law requires.
Whatcha gonna do, huh?
Huh?!
I'll tell you what
I'm going to do!
You're on my hard-hitting
exposé series,
To Catch A Bully.
Consider yourself hit hard.
He caught another one!
My affection for Miguel
is expanding
along with my definition
of "newsworthy."
Ever since Miguel started
catching bullies,
his approval ratings are
through the roof.
I'm supposed to be Arlen's
"Anchor You Trust."
Oh, Miguel is just pandering
to the lowest common
denominator.
You have to find out
who is below that
and aim there.
You're right, sug.
Let's go find a worthy cause
to shamelessly exploit.
You do not have permission
to record this conversation.
Proceed.
It's Carl Moss.
I have Joseph in my office.
I need a parent to come
down and pick him up.
What happened?
What's wrong with my baby boy?!
I'm coming.
Protect him until I get there!
;
Joseph!
Keys!
Joseph!
Principal Moss?
What is it? Who's in trouble--
You or Bobby?
Oh, good, it's Bobby.
All right, I'm on my way.
Now, why don't you
tell your father
what you and Lori were doing
in the janitor's closet?
We weren't doing anything!
And it wasn't even us!
I'm not me!
There's no way my Joseph
did this.
He's too young.
Smell his hair.
It still has new baby smell.
Son, you should only agree
to be someone's lookout
during a time of war.
Now, tell me why Joseph was
in the janitor's closet.
He was just, um...
selling drugs.
That was an awful lie, son.
Terrible.
Can you believe
the nerve of Moss?
Saying my innocent Joseph
was doing something tawdry
with that girl.
You know, Dale,
maybe it's time you talked
to your boy about...
uh, relations...
you know, that are...
sexual in nature.
I remember when I got
my "birds and bees" talk.
Well, it was mostly
hand gestures.
You-you still haven't
told me what...
means, Hank.
My boy isn't old enough
for that.
He's still full of snips
and snails
and puppy dog tails.
He's six feet tall
and has a mustache.
It's time.
Okay, fine.
I'll-I'll give him
the sex talk.
Um, before I do that,
I-I have some questions
myself.
So, just like the daddy penguin
protects the egg with his fur...
Eh!
You know, this is too childish
for you.
Let's try this.
When a daddy tiger really loves
a mommy tiger--
Is this helpful?
No.
Are we done yet?
I miss Lori.
All I can think about
is her soft voice
and her soft arm hairs.
Nah, you're too young
for all of this!
Can't you see this loose girl
is forcing herself
onto your innocence?
You can't say that about her!
You don't even know her!
And soon you won't either!
I forbid you to see Lori!
Ever again!
That's so unfair!
This is just like that movie
Romeo and Juliet
when the Jets attack Romeo
with their break dancing
to keep him
from the girl he loves!
You don't love Lori.
Love doesn't even exist.
It's just a chemical created
in the labs of DuPont.
It was an accident
while they were developing those
spatulas that don't melt.
You're just crazy.
Stop talking.
I hate you!
You... you hate me?
Maybe I can be the one
who figures out what's
irritating all those bowels.
That'll show Miguel.
Joseph,
let's forget all that stuff
we fought about.
It's Thursday night, and
you know what that means.
Cereal night.
Wrong.
Cereal night extreme!
Sha, sha, sha.
I bought all your
favorite cereals
to blend into one
mega-cereal:
Brute Fiber, Cookie Holes,
Baron Von Crunchberry.
Maybe my cereal doesn't
want to be blended.
Maybe it wants to be eaten
by itself
and date whoever it wants!
Oh, cheer up, sug.
At his age, you can't
love your parents
and your girlfriend
at the same time.
It's confusing.
Want me to get you some milk?
No.
I'll just have my cereal
with tears.
Sorry I'm late.
You know how when
your son hates you,
you just want to shop
your blues away?
At least Mega-Lo Mart
still loves me.
They approved me
for a club card.
Oh, my gosh, look!
Dale, your real name
is on this card!
B-- impossible.
It's true.
My God-given name has been
etched in plastic.
Dale forgot
he thinks club cards are a way
for the government to identify
those who value a bargain!
Yeah, man, talkin' 'bout a dang
ol' senior moment, man.
Well, lighten up, Dale.
You're just distracted
by Joseph.
The other day I got
so worked up by Bobby,
I let the gas get so low
that the warning light came on.
I haven't used my real name
since my library card
in middle school.
And unless someone checks out
Superfudge,
my secret is safe.
I just don't know
how this happened.
Yeah, he's chaperoning me
to and from school now.
It's so embarrassing.
Are you talking to Lori again
after I told you not to?
No!
Sorry, Lori.
Go on.
That's it!
Phone privileges revoked!
Hey, give it back!
Oh, my God, uh,
I can't remember the code.
Hit the deck!
Aah! Duck! Aah!
My dad almost killed us.
It's so embarrassing.
I am going crazy.
Or is that crazy talk?
Either way, there's
a crazy element.
I need help.
Okay, my symptoms include:
forgetfulness,
repeating things,
being told I'm crazy--
Oh, repeating things.
Hello there!
Before I can make my diagnosis,
I'm going to need more
information.
Please take our survey:
"What's wrong with me?"
Sponsored by Azteca
Pharmaceuticals.
Are you paranoid?
Who wants to know?
Did you reply
"Who wants to know?"
Yes.
Great job!
You've successfully completed
our survey.
According to your answers,
you have dementia.
Well, I finally figured out
why I can't relate to Joseph.
It's because... I have dementia.
Oh, my!
I know.
Who knows where I caught it
or how long I've had it.
I'm assuming that's
from the dementia.
Don't be an idiot, Dale.
You're just stressed out
about Joseph.
You're not crazy...er
than usual.
I almost killed my son.
I'm not supposed to be the one
who kills him.
The crushing weight
of the world is.
I'm a danger to my family, Hank.
And I know what I have to do
to keep them safe.
You've been expecting me.
Wow, nice duck.
High five!
What a realistic pencil holder.
High five!
Wow, that's
a really nice, um...
When my son, Joseph, was a baby,
his favorite meal
was Play-Doh spaghetti.
He ate it with bugs.
He called it "spissghetti
and meat-bugs."
Well, great!
High five!
Dale! I hate seeing
you like this!
I always considered you
my brother, Dale.
And I always considered you
my neighbor, Bill.
All right, Dale,
enough is enough.
Get your things.
We're going home.
I'm not going anywhere, Hank.
This is where I belong now.
Please, remember me as a person
who once remembered things.
Ugh, dang it, this is crazy.
I've got to do something
about this.
Excuse me, who's in charge here?
I am!
Are you the doctor here?
I'm not a doctor.
I'm Mike Patel.
I own this particular franchise
of Comforting Pines.
Franchise?
Ugh, look, my friend, Dale--
Uh, wait, is that
a certificate from Whataburger?
Oh, yeah.
I used to own one of those.
Swapped it for this place.
The flame-broiling fad is over.
Are you qualified to run
this kind of facility?
Are you asking
if I'm qualified to care?
Because the answer is yes!
Thankfully, the government
doesn't regulate "care."
Well, either way,
what do I need to do
to get my friend checked
out of here?
Sorry, but, uh, only Mr. Gribble
can check himself out.
And from the looks of his art
project, he seems pretty happy.
Hey, you know, we're running
a special promotion,
if you want me to hang on
to the big guy for you.
Hey,Joseph, come on.
The marching band left
some tubas unattended.
I can't.
Lori wants to make out
in the gym.
She likes it
when our kisses echo.
That seems right up your alley.
What's wrong?
It's all happening so fast.
Lori says she wants
to go further.
What's "further"?
I dunno.
Maybe she wants to go
to McMaynerbury?
Ugh, I'm so confused.
Dude, relationships are hard!
Bye,dude.
And that will be later
tonight on...
To Catch A Bully.
This whole Dale
situation is just asinine.
So he hit a rough
patch with Joseph.
It's no reason to check yourself
into a mental institution.
Poor Nancy.
First Miguel and now this.
And Sunday,
I'll be visiting
the pregnant gorilla
at the Arlen Zoo.
How about you, Nancy?
Any, uh, plans this...
Glad you asked, Miguel.
Four million Americans suffer
from dementia,
and I personally know
number four million and one.
My husband.
I'm going to spend my weekend
raising "dementia awareness."
Kind of puts Miguel's
dog and pony show
in perspective, doesn't it?
Attagirl, Nancy!
Raise that awareness
over Miguel's head
and smack him with it!
I wish Dale was here.
I miss the two little me's
reflected in his sunglasses
when he scowls at me.
Hey, man, I ain't dang missin'
him one dang ol' bit, man.
How talkin' 'bout
makin' no claims
without no citations, man.
Gettin' on my last nerve, boy.
Well, I know we have to talk
some sense into Dale,
but maybe we don't have to
do it today.
It's nice to not have to face
magnetic north.
True north.
Hey, someone's breaking
into Dale's van!
Ugh!
Ugh. stop that!
Take a knee!
You go home, young lady.
I don't know what you think
you were doing in there,
but just cool it.
Go play a video game
or step on some ants
or something.
Actually, can I talk
to you for a second?
I can't talk to my dad,
'cause he's gone,
and I can't talk to my mom,
'cause she's gone.
What is it, Joseph?
I think Lori wants
to go all the way.
All the way where--
Oh, Lord.
I'm feeling a lot of pressure
from her,
and I don't know what to do.
Mr. Hill?
Dale, you gotta
get yourself out of here!
Joseph and Lori are thinking
about "going all the way."
He's running wild.
He needs his father.
"All the way?!"
That's only for married people.
And only for a while.
I have to have the sex talk with
him before he makes a mistake!
Hang on, Joseph!
Daddy's coming!
Hello there,
Mr. Gribble.
We're having a
high-functioning!
Low-functioning mixer
in the rec room.
No, thanks, Patel.
I'm leaving.
Oh, you can't just leave.
No, no, no.
There's protocol and waivers
and releases.
There's paperwork to keep
us busy for days!
No time for that.
My boy is about to become a man
and he must be stopped!
You can't leave
until we establish if you're
a threat to others.
I'm only a threat to you!
Security breach!
We got a runner!
What?!
Hmm? Come on!
Get back here!
Gribble!
Hey!
Cold blanket!
No, there's a misunderstanding!
Stop!
So cold.
I can't believe
this is happening.
I never had to cold-blanket
someone before.
This is not like
the burger business at all.
Dang it, Mr. Patel,
just let Dale go.
You can't hold him here
against his will.
Unfortunately,
that's what I have to do.
He assaulted
a franchise employee.
Comforting Pines procedure
dictates I hold him until...
he's no longer
"at risk."
There's gotta be something
you can do.
His son needs him.
Eh, you're welcome to look
through the manual.
But if it's not in there,
I can't do it.
You'd think
something so complicated
would be a little more
pleasurable to read.
Wait.
I think I found something.
Okay, apparently,
if Dale acts crazier,
Comforting Pines
is required by law
to turn him over
to a state mental hospital
for an "emergency
psychiatric evaluation."
Peggy, we are trying to get
Dale out, not further in.
It will work, Hank.
Once Dale is admitted, the state
hospital will test him,
realize he's not crazy
and let him go.
I don't knows, Peggy.
Hank, either you have
Dale evaluated
by the same government
that runs the post office
or by a guy
who used to sell cheeseburgers.
Huh.
The post office.
All right, I'll go tell Dale.
Uh, as soon as Nancy comes home.
You don't know what love is!
Joseph, I assure you we do.
After all, we made that.
Oh, come on!
So that's it?
I act batty,
they send me
to the battier house,
then they let me go?
Yep, pretty much.
Think you can handle it?
Anything for my Joseph.
I got this.
This better work,
'cause I can't stay here.
This place is seriously nuts.
One of the patients likes me
and wants to carve
our initials in my head.
Calm down, Dale,
we're almost there.
They're just gonna ask you
some easy questions.
All you have to do
is act normal.
Anything for my son.
Look at him--
He needs me!
All right, let's begin.
Please state your name.
Dale Gribble.
On Earth.
On Pleiades,
it's unpronounceable.
Uh, Mr. Gribble,
do you believe people
conspire against you?
People. Animals.
Insects.
'Specially the insects.
You don't even want to know
what the bark beetle
has to say about me.
And everyone knows
what George Washington Carver
did with peanuts,
but nobody knows what he did
to peanuts--
He weaponized them.
Uh, thank you,
Mr. Gribble.
Okay, I think
we've heard enough.
Recommendation is
for commitment.
Commitment?!
No!
Joseph, listen to me.
This may be my last opportunity
to tell you this.
I know you know a thing
or two about sex.
You're old enough,
and you often forget to delete
your Internet history.
But you just know
the physical stuff.
Sex is also mental.
And you're too young
to handle those emotions.
That's why I think
you should wait.
My dad is not crazy.
Uh, yeah, he is.
According to the State of Texas.
Please, son, save
your precious flower!
Lori, I don't want to go
all the way with you.
What?! That's so lame!
Don't you want to be... cool?
Sorry, Lori.
No means no.
What about going halfway?
This thing with Miguel--
It's like an arms race.
He went after bullies,
I countered
with dementia awareness,
then he started
some organization
called the "Society for
Children With No Bones."
I mean, I don't even think
that's a real thing.
Hey, that doctor probably knows
about some great new diseases.
Gotta get in
on the ground floor, sug.
Joseph, you did the right thing.
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah.
Lori broke up with me, though.
It hurts so much.
It's like my heart
is a really sad man.
Breakups never get easy.
You know, we should get rid
of those photos
of Lori on your phone.
Tell you what--
When I get home,
I'll help you smash it
to pieces.
I hope you get out soon.
I will.
Due to budget cuts,
they redefined
what constitutes insanity.
Guess who squeaked by?
Oh! Almost forgot.
I made you something.
Spissghetti
and meat-bugs!
My favorite!
Consider yourself hit hard.
Ripped By mstoll
Thank God you're here, Bobby.
Lori and me are gonna make out
in the janitor's closet.
Will you be our lookout?
No, I can't.
Madame Pascal makes you explain
why you're tardy in French,
but I can only say my name.
Dude.
Just hurry up.
Why aren't you in class?
Emily! Please don't bust me,
I was just...
Out of my way, you two.
I need some sawdust to clean up
some throw up from...
a kid.
Oh, don't go in there, sir.
I'm developing pictures;
they're almost set.
Whoa!
I'm calling it in.
I guess that's
what the law requires.
Whatcha gonna do, huh?
Huh?!
I'll tell you what
I'm going to do!
You're on my hard-hitting
exposé series,
To Catch A Bully.
Consider yourself hit hard.
He caught another one!
My affection for Miguel
is expanding
along with my definition
of "newsworthy."
Ever since Miguel started
catching bullies,
his approval ratings are
through the roof.
I'm supposed to be Arlen's
"Anchor You Trust."
Oh, Miguel is just pandering
to the lowest common
denominator.
You have to find out
who is below that
and aim there.
You're right, sug.
Let's go find a worthy cause
to shamelessly exploit.
You do not have permission
to record this conversation.
Proceed.
It's Carl Moss.
I have Joseph in my office.
I need a parent to come
down and pick him up.
What happened?
What's wrong with my baby boy?!
I'm coming.
Protect him until I get there!
;
Joseph!
Keys!
Joseph!
Principal Moss?
What is it? Who's in trouble--
You or Bobby?
Oh, good, it's Bobby.
All right, I'm on my way.
Now, why don't you
tell your father
what you and Lori were doing
in the janitor's closet?
We weren't doing anything!
And it wasn't even us!
I'm not me!
There's no way my Joseph
did this.
He's too young.
Smell his hair.
It still has new baby smell.
Son, you should only agree
to be someone's lookout
during a time of war.
Now, tell me why Joseph was
in the janitor's closet.
He was just, um...
selling drugs.
That was an awful lie, son.
Terrible.
Can you believe
the nerve of Moss?
Saying my innocent Joseph
was doing something tawdry
with that girl.
You know, Dale,
maybe it's time you talked
to your boy about...
uh, relations...
you know, that are...
sexual in nature.
I remember when I got
my "birds and bees" talk.
Well, it was mostly
hand gestures.
You-you still haven't
told me what...
means, Hank.
My boy isn't old enough
for that.
He's still full of snips
and snails
and puppy dog tails.
He's six feet tall
and has a mustache.
It's time.
Okay, fine.
I'll-I'll give him
the sex talk.
Um, before I do that,
I-I have some questions
myself.
So, just like the daddy penguin
protects the egg with his fur...
Eh!
You know, this is too childish
for you.
Let's try this.
When a daddy tiger really loves
a mommy tiger--
Is this helpful?
No.
Are we done yet?
I miss Lori.
All I can think about
is her soft voice
and her soft arm hairs.
Nah, you're too young
for all of this!
Can't you see this loose girl
is forcing herself
onto your innocence?
You can't say that about her!
You don't even know her!
And soon you won't either!
I forbid you to see Lori!
Ever again!
That's so unfair!
This is just like that movie
Romeo and Juliet
when the Jets attack Romeo
with their break dancing
to keep him
from the girl he loves!
You don't love Lori.
Love doesn't even exist.
It's just a chemical created
in the labs of DuPont.
It was an accident
while they were developing those
spatulas that don't melt.
You're just crazy.
Stop talking.
I hate you!
You... you hate me?
Maybe I can be the one
who figures out what's
irritating all those bowels.
That'll show Miguel.
Joseph,
let's forget all that stuff
we fought about.
It's Thursday night, and
you know what that means.
Cereal night.
Wrong.
Cereal night extreme!
Sha, sha, sha.
I bought all your
favorite cereals
to blend into one
mega-cereal:
Brute Fiber, Cookie Holes,
Baron Von Crunchberry.
Maybe my cereal doesn't
want to be blended.
Maybe it wants to be eaten
by itself
and date whoever it wants!
Oh, cheer up, sug.
At his age, you can't
love your parents
and your girlfriend
at the same time.
It's confusing.
Want me to get you some milk?
No.
I'll just have my cereal
with tears.
Sorry I'm late.
You know how when
your son hates you,
you just want to shop
your blues away?
At least Mega-Lo Mart
still loves me.
They approved me
for a club card.
Oh, my gosh, look!
Dale, your real name
is on this card!
B-- impossible.
It's true.
My God-given name has been
etched in plastic.
Dale forgot
he thinks club cards are a way
for the government to identify
those who value a bargain!
Yeah, man, talkin' 'bout a dang
ol' senior moment, man.
Well, lighten up, Dale.
You're just distracted
by Joseph.
The other day I got
so worked up by Bobby,
I let the gas get so low
that the warning light came on.
I haven't used my real name
since my library card
in middle school.
And unless someone checks out
Superfudge,
my secret is safe.
I just don't know
how this happened.
Yeah, he's chaperoning me
to and from school now.
It's so embarrassing.
Are you talking to Lori again
after I told you not to?
No!
Sorry, Lori.
Go on.
That's it!
Phone privileges revoked!
Hey, give it back!
Oh, my God, uh,
I can't remember the code.
Hit the deck!
Aah! Duck! Aah!
My dad almost killed us.
It's so embarrassing.
I am going crazy.
Or is that crazy talk?
Either way, there's
a crazy element.
I need help.
Okay, my symptoms include:
forgetfulness,
repeating things,
being told I'm crazy--
Oh, repeating things.
Hello there!
Before I can make my diagnosis,
I'm going to need more
information.
Please take our survey:
"What's wrong with me?"
Sponsored by Azteca
Pharmaceuticals.
Are you paranoid?
Who wants to know?
Did you reply
"Who wants to know?"
Yes.
Great job!
You've successfully completed
our survey.
According to your answers,
you have dementia.
Well, I finally figured out
why I can't relate to Joseph.
It's because... I have dementia.
Oh, my!
I know.
Who knows where I caught it
or how long I've had it.
I'm assuming that's
from the dementia.
Don't be an idiot, Dale.
You're just stressed out
about Joseph.
You're not crazy...er
than usual.
I almost killed my son.
I'm not supposed to be the one
who kills him.
The crushing weight
of the world is.
I'm a danger to my family, Hank.
And I know what I have to do
to keep them safe.
You've been expecting me.
Wow, nice duck.
High five!
What a realistic pencil holder.
High five!
Wow, that's
a really nice, um...
When my son, Joseph, was a baby,
his favorite meal
was Play-Doh spaghetti.
He ate it with bugs.
He called it "spissghetti
and meat-bugs."
Well, great!
High five!
Dale! I hate seeing
you like this!
I always considered you
my brother, Dale.
And I always considered you
my neighbor, Bill.
All right, Dale,
enough is enough.
Get your things.
We're going home.
I'm not going anywhere, Hank.
This is where I belong now.
Please, remember me as a person
who once remembered things.
Ugh, dang it, this is crazy.
I've got to do something
about this.
Excuse me, who's in charge here?
I am!
Are you the doctor here?
I'm not a doctor.
I'm Mike Patel.
I own this particular franchise
of Comforting Pines.
Franchise?
Ugh, look, my friend, Dale--
Uh, wait, is that
a certificate from Whataburger?
Oh, yeah.
I used to own one of those.
Swapped it for this place.
The flame-broiling fad is over.
Are you qualified to run
this kind of facility?
Are you asking
if I'm qualified to care?
Because the answer is yes!
Thankfully, the government
doesn't regulate "care."
Well, either way,
what do I need to do
to get my friend checked
out of here?
Sorry, but, uh, only Mr. Gribble
can check himself out.
And from the looks of his art
project, he seems pretty happy.
Hey, you know, we're running
a special promotion,
if you want me to hang on
to the big guy for you.
Hey,Joseph, come on.
The marching band left
some tubas unattended.
I can't.
Lori wants to make out
in the gym.
She likes it
when our kisses echo.
That seems right up your alley.
What's wrong?
It's all happening so fast.
Lori says she wants
to go further.
What's "further"?
I dunno.
Maybe she wants to go
to McMaynerbury?
Ugh, I'm so confused.
Dude, relationships are hard!
Bye,dude.
And that will be later
tonight on...
To Catch A Bully.
This whole Dale
situation is just asinine.
So he hit a rough
patch with Joseph.
It's no reason to check yourself
into a mental institution.
Poor Nancy.
First Miguel and now this.
And Sunday,
I'll be visiting
the pregnant gorilla
at the Arlen Zoo.
How about you, Nancy?
Any, uh, plans this...
Glad you asked, Miguel.
Four million Americans suffer
from dementia,
and I personally know
number four million and one.
My husband.
I'm going to spend my weekend
raising "dementia awareness."
Kind of puts Miguel's
dog and pony show
in perspective, doesn't it?
Attagirl, Nancy!
Raise that awareness
over Miguel's head
and smack him with it!
I wish Dale was here.
I miss the two little me's
reflected in his sunglasses
when he scowls at me.
Hey, man, I ain't dang missin'
him one dang ol' bit, man.
How talkin' 'bout
makin' no claims
without no citations, man.
Gettin' on my last nerve, boy.
Well, I know we have to talk
some sense into Dale,
but maybe we don't have to
do it today.
It's nice to not have to face
magnetic north.
True north.
Hey, someone's breaking
into Dale's van!
Ugh!
Ugh. stop that!
Take a knee!
You go home, young lady.
I don't know what you think
you were doing in there,
but just cool it.
Go play a video game
or step on some ants
or something.
Actually, can I talk
to you for a second?
I can't talk to my dad,
'cause he's gone,
and I can't talk to my mom,
'cause she's gone.
What is it, Joseph?
I think Lori wants
to go all the way.
All the way where--
Oh, Lord.
I'm feeling a lot of pressure
from her,
and I don't know what to do.
Mr. Hill?
Dale, you gotta
get yourself out of here!
Joseph and Lori are thinking
about "going all the way."
He's running wild.
He needs his father.
"All the way?!"
That's only for married people.
And only for a while.
I have to have the sex talk with
him before he makes a mistake!
Hang on, Joseph!
Daddy's coming!
Hello there,
Mr. Gribble.
We're having a
high-functioning!
Low-functioning mixer
in the rec room.
No, thanks, Patel.
I'm leaving.
Oh, you can't just leave.
No, no, no.
There's protocol and waivers
and releases.
There's paperwork to keep
us busy for days!
No time for that.
My boy is about to become a man
and he must be stopped!
You can't leave
until we establish if you're
a threat to others.
I'm only a threat to you!
Security breach!
We got a runner!
What?!
Hmm? Come on!
Get back here!
Gribble!
Hey!
Cold blanket!
No, there's a misunderstanding!
Stop!
So cold.
I can't believe
this is happening.
I never had to cold-blanket
someone before.
This is not like
the burger business at all.
Dang it, Mr. Patel,
just let Dale go.
You can't hold him here
against his will.
Unfortunately,
that's what I have to do.
He assaulted
a franchise employee.
Comforting Pines procedure
dictates I hold him until...
he's no longer
"at risk."
There's gotta be something
you can do.
His son needs him.
Eh, you're welcome to look
through the manual.
But if it's not in there,
I can't do it.
You'd think
something so complicated
would be a little more
pleasurable to read.
Wait.
I think I found something.
Okay, apparently,
if Dale acts crazier,
Comforting Pines
is required by law
to turn him over
to a state mental hospital
for an "emergency
psychiatric evaluation."
Peggy, we are trying to get
Dale out, not further in.
It will work, Hank.
Once Dale is admitted, the state
hospital will test him,
realize he's not crazy
and let him go.
I don't knows, Peggy.
Hank, either you have
Dale evaluated
by the same government
that runs the post office
or by a guy
who used to sell cheeseburgers.
Huh.
The post office.
All right, I'll go tell Dale.
Uh, as soon as Nancy comes home.
You don't know what love is!
Joseph, I assure you we do.
After all, we made that.
Oh, come on!
So that's it?
I act batty,
they send me
to the battier house,
then they let me go?
Yep, pretty much.
Think you can handle it?
Anything for my Joseph.
I got this.
This better work,
'cause I can't stay here.
This place is seriously nuts.
One of the patients likes me
and wants to carve
our initials in my head.
Calm down, Dale,
we're almost there.
They're just gonna ask you
some easy questions.
All you have to do
is act normal.
Anything for my son.
Look at him--
He needs me!
All right, let's begin.
Please state your name.
Dale Gribble.
On Earth.
On Pleiades,
it's unpronounceable.
Uh, Mr. Gribble,
do you believe people
conspire against you?
People. Animals.
Insects.
'Specially the insects.
You don't even want to know
what the bark beetle
has to say about me.
And everyone knows
what George Washington Carver
did with peanuts,
but nobody knows what he did
to peanuts--
He weaponized them.
Uh, thank you,
Mr. Gribble.
Okay, I think
we've heard enough.
Recommendation is
for commitment.
Commitment?!
No!
Joseph, listen to me.
This may be my last opportunity
to tell you this.
I know you know a thing
or two about sex.
You're old enough,
and you often forget to delete
your Internet history.
But you just know
the physical stuff.
Sex is also mental.
And you're too young
to handle those emotions.
That's why I think
you should wait.
My dad is not crazy.
Uh, yeah, he is.
According to the State of Texas.
Please, son, save
your precious flower!
Lori, I don't want to go
all the way with you.
What?! That's so lame!
Don't you want to be... cool?
Sorry, Lori.
No means no.
What about going halfway?
This thing with Miguel--
It's like an arms race.
He went after bullies,
I countered
with dementia awareness,
then he started
some organization
called the "Society for
Children With No Bones."
I mean, I don't even think
that's a real thing.
Hey, that doctor probably knows
about some great new diseases.
Gotta get in
on the ground floor, sug.
Joseph, you did the right thing.
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah.
Lori broke up with me, though.
It hurts so much.
It's like my heart
is a really sad man.
Breakups never get easy.
You know, we should get rid
of those photos
of Lori on your phone.
Tell you what--
When I get home,
I'll help you smash it
to pieces.
I hope you get out soon.
I will.
Due to budget cuts,
they redefined
what constitutes insanity.
Guess who squeaked by?
Oh! Almost forgot.
I made you something.
Spissghetti
and meat-bugs!
My favorite!
Consider yourself hit hard.
Ripped By mstoll