King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 13, Episode 2 - Earthy Girls are Easy - full transcript
Buck is looking for an easy way for Strickland Propane to go 'green,' and Dale is ready to take advantage of him and the situation.
Ripped By mstoll
Remember our old percolator?
Now, that made a cup of coffee.
If you want to open up
that can of worms,
let's talk about
the old can opener.
No, not the lawn!
The lawn, boy, no!
How many times have I told you,
there are no dinosaur
bones under our yard!
I'm doing extra credit
for my earth science class.
We're learning about
all that these trees can do,
like turning carbon dioxide
into oxygen.
Yeah, and, uh, other stuff.
Huh.
Well, I wish
you'd asked permission,
but it is a pretty good spot
for a tree.
And the pecan tree
is the state tree of Texas.
I limited myself to trees
that could be used to make pies.
Well, let me
give you boys a hand.
There's a new recipe
for backfill
I've been meaning to try out.
It's, uh, two parts compost.
Okay, gather around, everybody!
We're gonna play us
a little game!
Highest card
wins Strickland Propane,
all its assets and liabilities.
A jack!
All right, I'm in the mix!
What's going on, sir?
The last time
we played this game,
Joe Jack got hit
with a paternity suit.
It's fixing to get ugly
around here.
The Bystander's about
to print a story claiming
we've been illegally dumping
our old propane tanks
in the Cottonwood River!
What?
Why would they say that?
Because they're jackals!
They're trying to fill
their news holes.
And because they got proof.
Dang it, Mr. Strickland,
I don't understand
how you can be
Strickland's greatest asset
and its greatest liability.
Calm down.
I didn't know it was illegal.
I was trying to create
a coral reef,
for all the dolphins
and whatnot.
In a river?
Everyone's gonna hate us.
People hate people
who hate the environment.
If we don't have an environment,
where will we do stuff?
Think about it.
Now, wait a minute.
Mr. Strickland made
a bad decision that, for now,
I am willing to believe
was an accident.
We just need to show people
that Strickland Propane
doesn't hate the environment.
Hank,
are you suggesting we go green?
Well, I'd rather not
put it that way, but yes.
Stop digging if you hit metal.
My dad says there are a lot of
unexploded ordnances back here.
Nice-looking tree, boys.
Thanks.
At first, it was all about
the extra credit.
But now, I'm kind of glad
we're helping the planet.
About that science teacher
of yours,
does he ever talk about,
uh, going green?
I don't know.
Do you ever talk about propane?
My point is, he talks
about it all the time.
I don't suppose you remember any
of the things he said, do you?
Dad, I have a bookbag full
of handouts you're gonna love.
Hit the deck!
My teacher says global warming
is serious business.
Look at all the pictures
of the Statue of Liberty
at the bottom of the ocean.
Okay, Bobby, let's skip
to the nuts and bolts.
Right.
It says here
a healthy planet starts
with turning off
your screen saver
when you leave your workstation.
But my flying toasters
keep me happy!
Huh.
This is not all
California nonsense.
Some of it's common sense stuff,
like recycling and using
more efficient light bulbs.
And, Mr.
Strickland,
about that little fridge
you keep in your office...
I am not drinking
a warm longneck!
Well, at least put
the door back on.
Fine.
Thanks for carpooling, you guys.
I know it's not
everybody's first choice,
but it's important
for the company.
Hey, I'm psyched, man!
Now we finally have
a chance to talk,
I mean, really talk,
about our hopes and our fears.
Uh, who wants to go first?
Hang in there, Mr. Strickland.
We'll be there soon.
Now, if you're not
gonna let me have
my own little bottles of water,
then we're all drinking
raspberry ice!
We better turn that dang air on,
or I'm going pant-less.
I'm sorry, Buck.
I don't know how to say
this diplomatically,
but you made a mistake,
and, well, fixing it
is not gonna be fun.
Buck needs to be more vigilant.
He put up a banner
saying we went green.
That's like a contract
with everyone who drives by.
Buck could always
take the easy way out
and just buy carbon offsets.
They're all the rage
in Hollywood.
That's the dream factory, Hank.
What the heck
is a carbon offset?
It's like
a "get out of jail free" card
for people concerned
about the environment,
but not concerned enough
to actually do anything.
You simply pay someone to
plant trees or build windmills
to offset all the carbon
you've dumped on the Earth.
That's ridiculous.
You can't cause a problem
and ask someone else to fix it.
You have to do the work
yourself,
like Bobby and Joseph
over there.
What?
Joseph doesn't work.
Well, normally Bobby
doesn't either,
but look at them,
working for free.
You really got to admire that.
Huh.
You most certainly do.
Oh, yeah!
Hello, Dale.
I assume you're just here
for a quick visit
since you're taking up
two parking spaces.
Your friend here just sold me
a mess of carbon offsets.
You did what?
Good news, Hank.
I'm in the carbon offset
business.
No, this isn't the way
to show customers we've changed.
We have a plan.
Sure, it's tedious and
unpleasant, but it will work.
Yeah, yeah, we gave your plan
a fair shot, ol' top.
It was time to cut our losses.
It was one clay.
Hank, this is a dream come true.
All the sanctimony
without all the effort.
Ah.
Smells like money.
Say, ol' top,
that truck of yours
is quite the gas guzzler.
How many offsets
can I put you down for?
You can put me down
for kicking your ass!
What kind of stupid
got-dang idea is this?
This is the perfect plan.
Strickland agreed
to let me plant the trees
on some land he isn't using;
Bobby and Joseph agreed
to do the planting;
and I agreed to take the money.
Buying carbon offsets isn't
gonna fix Strickland's image.
It's just cheating.
Who's to say what's cheating?
Is Leonardo DiCaprio cheating
when he offsets
riding around in a private jet?
Yes.
Oh, Hank, you just don't get it.
Planting carbon offsets
is great!
I feel like I can
already breathe better.
Whew!
I guess this is what happens
when God gets lazy
and humans have to pick up
the slack.
What else do you need
me to do for you?!
Look, I know
we're tired and irritable...
Shut up, kid!
This is important.
I think we should buckle down
and keep working.
Who's with me?!
You're talking so loud,
of course I'm in!
Octavio, I have a job for you.
Bring your shovel.
Oh, sorry, Mrs. Octavio.
You sound just like him.
Welcome to Strickland Propane.
The banner outside
says you're green.
What exactly are you doing
for the environment?
Well, quite a bit.
We have an employee carpool,
all our invoices are printed
on recycled paper,
and as you can tell,
the temperature in here
is slightly uncomfortable.
You're burying
the lead, ol' top.
Tell her about
the carbon offsets.
I don't think
she really wants
to hear about, uh...
Trees! Beautiful trees.
I'm planting a forest
of majestic oaks
and pines and whatnot.
And those trees are eating up
all that nasty carbon.
I respect that.
It's the next best thing
to us never having existed.
It's money out of my pocket, but
I'm doing it for the children.
You see, I got a kid somewhere.
So do I!
Well, I find
that hard to believe.
You take
the next customer, Hank.
I'm gonna handle
this one... personally.
I'm so excited to
start planting today!
I can't wait to see if
this blister's gonna hold on.
Kids, I've decided
that instead of planting,
you should focus
on selling carbon offsets.
Wouldn't we be doing
more good for the planet
if we were planting trees?
Octavio and I have
the planting covered.
Okay-
We're gonna run
out of trees soon, esé.
Should we go buy some more?
We got all the trees
we need, Octavio.
I mean, who knows
how many carbons
are soaked up by a single tree.
17? 30 billion?
This one's pretty leafy,
but, you know,
I don't know, dude.
Nobody does!
So go get some lunch.
I don't care where
your school is going.
I'm not buying any more candy.
We're selling carbon offsets,
Mr. Souphanousinphone.
Now, I can pretty this up
for you
and tell you there's
plenty of air to go around,
but I see
that you're a smart man,
and you'd see
right through that.
You can keep ruining the world
and stuff,
and these offset thingies
make it okay.
This make me feel better
about taking 40-minute showers.
It's my "me" time.
Look at all these trees I sold.
Everyone in the neighborhood
bought offsets.
Oh, Bobby, it is so nice
to see you thinking
you're making a difference.
You know who bought
the most offsets of anyone?
Mr. Strickland.
The way to win
back our customers
is by making minor adjustments
to our daily regimen
that, over time, can make
a quantifiable difference.
Wow, Dad, between
all the dull stuff you're doing
and the exciting stuff
I'm doing,
we're going to save the world!
Oh, my God.
This is so random;
I buy offsets, too.
They are so important.
I just saw a documentary
about Antarctica.
If all the ice melts,
where will the penguins dance?
So true.
We have to go.
We're in a band,
and we're on our way
to Nashville
for the Earth Benefit Concert.
Wait, wait, wait!
You shouldn't be burning
all that awful carbon
by driving up to Nashville.
No, not when I'm organizing
one of them earthy benefit
concerts right here in Arlen.
Wow, you really get it.
Yeah, it'll be like Woodstock.
Y'all like mud, don't you?
Channel 84? Oh, God,
what else did they find
in the river?
They can't look in my locker
unless they're cops,
right, honey?
This earthy concert's going
to put us over the top, ol' top.
We'll never have to worry
about our reputation again.
We got to hurry
and wrap this up, suge.
There's a dog nursing
baby kittens across town.
Mr. Strickland,
you used to pollute,
but now you give a hoot.
Tell us how that happened.
I have sinned,
but I am a changed man.
I fell hard for a lovely lady
named Mother Earth.
And like any man in love,
I want the whole world to see
my beautiful woman
and her trees.
That's why I'm sponsoring
a benefit concert
two weeks from Saturday,
in majestic Strickland Woods!
A benefit concert.
That is one smart way
to pull Strickland's huevos
out of the frying pan.
I have found that live music
will make people
overlook anything.
Sting must do horrible things
for all the special concerts
that man puts on.
Well, I can't believe the kinds
of people I had to deal with
all week
getting this concert going.
Apparently,
right when you get out of jail,
you start renting port-a-johns.
I sold so many trees,
they should call Strickland
Woods "Strickland Forest."
Well, congratulations, Bobby.
You just put out your
first Mr. Strickland fire.
A couple hundred more
and you'll be tied with me.
Where are all the trees?
I don't know.
Mr. Gribble said he'd take care
of the planting
and for me to just worry
about the selling.
Well, on the bright side,
this is the scandal that will
finally take Buck down.
Dale, we were just at Strickland
Woods and there's nothing there.
How could you do this?
Well, I liked the money, but
didn't care for the digging.
After that the plan
sort of formed itself.
Buck's been telling everybody
he's planted a forest out there.
This was supposed to save
Strickland's image.
In my defense, things
get awfully muddy
when it comes
to the environment.
Hybrid cars get worse mileage
than older regular cars.
Ethanol causes food prices
to go up
and leads to riots
in other countries.
We were supposed to have
an ice age
unless people stopped
using pesticides.
Well, looky here.
It's still hot!
I'm not letting you
destroy the company
I've dedicated my life to.
You're going to go
and tell everyone
that you lied
and stole their money.
I'm kind of in the middle
of a beer, Hank.
Aah!
And this is where
I'll be hobnobbing
with all the celebrities.
I call it the Green Green Room.
Uh-huh.
Then I get lowered
onto the stage
by a helicopter powered
by vegetable oil.
Go on, Dale. Tell them
about the trees.
Yeah, about them,
some of those trees
might have to, you know,
quietly disappear to
make room for a stage.
Well, that's not going
to be a problem, sir.
There are no trees.
Dale took your money
and didn't plant anything.
Excuses, Hank...
Tell him the excuses.
I got thousands of people...
Including some very
attractive females...
Expecting music and trees!
We're in trouble.
We need a brainstorming
session, pronto.
Well, how about we tell everyone
the truth?
How about we simulate
a forest with one tree
and a thousand mirrors?
Well, now there's someone
using his noodle.
Hank, you're out.
Gribble, what else you got?
So this fellow's
going to save us, huh?
How do you know him, again?
He used to be in the gun club
until we kicked him out.
He kind of scared us;
he's way into guns.
Hey, Gribble.
How's your gun club?
Geez, let it go already.
Eh, nice piece of property
you got here.
What is she, a hundred acres?
She's not for sale.
Oh, we don't want to buy it.
We want to buy the carbon offset
rights to your trees.
You can't cut down my trees.
No, no, you don't understand.
We want these trees
to keep doing
exactly what they're doing...
Inhaling carbon
and exhaling oxygen.
And we want to pay you for it,
for the environment.
How is paying me going to help
the environment?
Well, hell if I know.
The important thing is
nothing's going to change
and you get paid.
I think we can work
something out.
Fantastic.
Oh, yeah,
and there's going to be
a concert here this weekend.
Should be a few thousand people,
not a big deal.
Buck and Dale
are just making things worse.
Now they've bought offset rights
to a forest that already exists.
It doesn't matter anyway.
People just want to make money.
Caring is for suckers.
Bobby is too young
to know that, Hank.
We have to do something.
Hey, it looks like your pecan
tree could use a little water.
What's the point?
I told you it'd work, ol' top.
Nobody knows where the real
Strickland Woods is.
Yep, it certainly looks like
you're going to get
away with this, sir.
Uh, how you all doing out there?
We're all here to have
a good time,
but let's not forget
the real reason we're here:
me!
I'm just like the Indian
who saw pollution
in that old commercial;
except instead of crying,
I got off my ass
and did something about it.
That's why I planted
all these trees.
Aw, I'm not a hero,
no, not at all.
I'm just one man who's trying
to single-handedly save
the planet.
Uh, sir, one of the
girls in the band
needs help with her costume.
Excuse me, folks.
I got some hobnobbing to do.
Hello, I'm Hank Hill.
Now, you're all here because
you care about the environment.
- The environment!
- That's right.
And that's why you deserve
the truth.
And, uh, the truth is,
these trees have been here
a long time.
No, no. You see, Strickland
Propane didn't plant them.
We just bought the offset rights
to them, whatever that means.
What I'm trying to say is,
we did nothing.
Leave only footprints!
Strickland! Strickland!
Strickland!
Ladies and gentlemen,
Big Mountain Fudge Cake.
And these stakes should support
the tree in any strong winds.
It'll be turning out oxygen
and pecans for years to come.
Thanks, Dad, but I don't see
how one tree is going to matter.
Well, I'm not going to lie
to you, Bobby.
One tree probably won't matter.
Oh, okay.
But if you care about something,
you can make a difference.
Don't let people
who take shortcuts
or only do something because
it's fashionable discourage you.
I won't.
So what's the ETA on
that first pecan pie?
Uh, it's going to be
a little while, Bobby.
Trees! Beautiful trees.
Ripped By mstoll
Remember our old percolator?
Now, that made a cup of coffee.
If you want to open up
that can of worms,
let's talk about
the old can opener.
No, not the lawn!
The lawn, boy, no!
How many times have I told you,
there are no dinosaur
bones under our yard!
I'm doing extra credit
for my earth science class.
We're learning about
all that these trees can do,
like turning carbon dioxide
into oxygen.
Yeah, and, uh, other stuff.
Huh.
Well, I wish
you'd asked permission,
but it is a pretty good spot
for a tree.
And the pecan tree
is the state tree of Texas.
I limited myself to trees
that could be used to make pies.
Well, let me
give you boys a hand.
There's a new recipe
for backfill
I've been meaning to try out.
It's, uh, two parts compost.
Okay, gather around, everybody!
We're gonna play us
a little game!
Highest card
wins Strickland Propane,
all its assets and liabilities.
A jack!
All right, I'm in the mix!
What's going on, sir?
The last time
we played this game,
Joe Jack got hit
with a paternity suit.
It's fixing to get ugly
around here.
The Bystander's about
to print a story claiming
we've been illegally dumping
our old propane tanks
in the Cottonwood River!
What?
Why would they say that?
Because they're jackals!
They're trying to fill
their news holes.
And because they got proof.
Dang it, Mr. Strickland,
I don't understand
how you can be
Strickland's greatest asset
and its greatest liability.
Calm down.
I didn't know it was illegal.
I was trying to create
a coral reef,
for all the dolphins
and whatnot.
In a river?
Everyone's gonna hate us.
People hate people
who hate the environment.
If we don't have an environment,
where will we do stuff?
Think about it.
Now, wait a minute.
Mr. Strickland made
a bad decision that, for now,
I am willing to believe
was an accident.
We just need to show people
that Strickland Propane
doesn't hate the environment.
Hank,
are you suggesting we go green?
Well, I'd rather not
put it that way, but yes.
Stop digging if you hit metal.
My dad says there are a lot of
unexploded ordnances back here.
Nice-looking tree, boys.
Thanks.
At first, it was all about
the extra credit.
But now, I'm kind of glad
we're helping the planet.
About that science teacher
of yours,
does he ever talk about,
uh, going green?
I don't know.
Do you ever talk about propane?
My point is, he talks
about it all the time.
I don't suppose you remember any
of the things he said, do you?
Dad, I have a bookbag full
of handouts you're gonna love.
Hit the deck!
My teacher says global warming
is serious business.
Look at all the pictures
of the Statue of Liberty
at the bottom of the ocean.
Okay, Bobby, let's skip
to the nuts and bolts.
Right.
It says here
a healthy planet starts
with turning off
your screen saver
when you leave your workstation.
But my flying toasters
keep me happy!
Huh.
This is not all
California nonsense.
Some of it's common sense stuff,
like recycling and using
more efficient light bulbs.
And, Mr.
Strickland,
about that little fridge
you keep in your office...
I am not drinking
a warm longneck!
Well, at least put
the door back on.
Fine.
Thanks for carpooling, you guys.
I know it's not
everybody's first choice,
but it's important
for the company.
Hey, I'm psyched, man!
Now we finally have
a chance to talk,
I mean, really talk,
about our hopes and our fears.
Uh, who wants to go first?
Hang in there, Mr. Strickland.
We'll be there soon.
Now, if you're not
gonna let me have
my own little bottles of water,
then we're all drinking
raspberry ice!
We better turn that dang air on,
or I'm going pant-less.
I'm sorry, Buck.
I don't know how to say
this diplomatically,
but you made a mistake,
and, well, fixing it
is not gonna be fun.
Buck needs to be more vigilant.
He put up a banner
saying we went green.
That's like a contract
with everyone who drives by.
Buck could always
take the easy way out
and just buy carbon offsets.
They're all the rage
in Hollywood.
That's the dream factory, Hank.
What the heck
is a carbon offset?
It's like
a "get out of jail free" card
for people concerned
about the environment,
but not concerned enough
to actually do anything.
You simply pay someone to
plant trees or build windmills
to offset all the carbon
you've dumped on the Earth.
That's ridiculous.
You can't cause a problem
and ask someone else to fix it.
You have to do the work
yourself,
like Bobby and Joseph
over there.
What?
Joseph doesn't work.
Well, normally Bobby
doesn't either,
but look at them,
working for free.
You really got to admire that.
Huh.
You most certainly do.
Oh, yeah!
Hello, Dale.
I assume you're just here
for a quick visit
since you're taking up
two parking spaces.
Your friend here just sold me
a mess of carbon offsets.
You did what?
Good news, Hank.
I'm in the carbon offset
business.
No, this isn't the way
to show customers we've changed.
We have a plan.
Sure, it's tedious and
unpleasant, but it will work.
Yeah, yeah, we gave your plan
a fair shot, ol' top.
It was time to cut our losses.
It was one clay.
Hank, this is a dream come true.
All the sanctimony
without all the effort.
Ah.
Smells like money.
Say, ol' top,
that truck of yours
is quite the gas guzzler.
How many offsets
can I put you down for?
You can put me down
for kicking your ass!
What kind of stupid
got-dang idea is this?
This is the perfect plan.
Strickland agreed
to let me plant the trees
on some land he isn't using;
Bobby and Joseph agreed
to do the planting;
and I agreed to take the money.
Buying carbon offsets isn't
gonna fix Strickland's image.
It's just cheating.
Who's to say what's cheating?
Is Leonardo DiCaprio cheating
when he offsets
riding around in a private jet?
Yes.
Oh, Hank, you just don't get it.
Planting carbon offsets
is great!
I feel like I can
already breathe better.
Whew!
I guess this is what happens
when God gets lazy
and humans have to pick up
the slack.
What else do you need
me to do for you?!
Look, I know
we're tired and irritable...
Shut up, kid!
This is important.
I think we should buckle down
and keep working.
Who's with me?!
You're talking so loud,
of course I'm in!
Octavio, I have a job for you.
Bring your shovel.
Oh, sorry, Mrs. Octavio.
You sound just like him.
Welcome to Strickland Propane.
The banner outside
says you're green.
What exactly are you doing
for the environment?
Well, quite a bit.
We have an employee carpool,
all our invoices are printed
on recycled paper,
and as you can tell,
the temperature in here
is slightly uncomfortable.
You're burying
the lead, ol' top.
Tell her about
the carbon offsets.
I don't think
she really wants
to hear about, uh...
Trees! Beautiful trees.
I'm planting a forest
of majestic oaks
and pines and whatnot.
And those trees are eating up
all that nasty carbon.
I respect that.
It's the next best thing
to us never having existed.
It's money out of my pocket, but
I'm doing it for the children.
You see, I got a kid somewhere.
So do I!
Well, I find
that hard to believe.
You take
the next customer, Hank.
I'm gonna handle
this one... personally.
I'm so excited to
start planting today!
I can't wait to see if
this blister's gonna hold on.
Kids, I've decided
that instead of planting,
you should focus
on selling carbon offsets.
Wouldn't we be doing
more good for the planet
if we were planting trees?
Octavio and I have
the planting covered.
Okay-
We're gonna run
out of trees soon, esé.
Should we go buy some more?
We got all the trees
we need, Octavio.
I mean, who knows
how many carbons
are soaked up by a single tree.
17? 30 billion?
This one's pretty leafy,
but, you know,
I don't know, dude.
Nobody does!
So go get some lunch.
I don't care where
your school is going.
I'm not buying any more candy.
We're selling carbon offsets,
Mr. Souphanousinphone.
Now, I can pretty this up
for you
and tell you there's
plenty of air to go around,
but I see
that you're a smart man,
and you'd see
right through that.
You can keep ruining the world
and stuff,
and these offset thingies
make it okay.
This make me feel better
about taking 40-minute showers.
It's my "me" time.
Look at all these trees I sold.
Everyone in the neighborhood
bought offsets.
Oh, Bobby, it is so nice
to see you thinking
you're making a difference.
You know who bought
the most offsets of anyone?
Mr. Strickland.
The way to win
back our customers
is by making minor adjustments
to our daily regimen
that, over time, can make
a quantifiable difference.
Wow, Dad, between
all the dull stuff you're doing
and the exciting stuff
I'm doing,
we're going to save the world!
Oh, my God.
This is so random;
I buy offsets, too.
They are so important.
I just saw a documentary
about Antarctica.
If all the ice melts,
where will the penguins dance?
So true.
We have to go.
We're in a band,
and we're on our way
to Nashville
for the Earth Benefit Concert.
Wait, wait, wait!
You shouldn't be burning
all that awful carbon
by driving up to Nashville.
No, not when I'm organizing
one of them earthy benefit
concerts right here in Arlen.
Wow, you really get it.
Yeah, it'll be like Woodstock.
Y'all like mud, don't you?
Channel 84? Oh, God,
what else did they find
in the river?
They can't look in my locker
unless they're cops,
right, honey?
This earthy concert's going
to put us over the top, ol' top.
We'll never have to worry
about our reputation again.
We got to hurry
and wrap this up, suge.
There's a dog nursing
baby kittens across town.
Mr. Strickland,
you used to pollute,
but now you give a hoot.
Tell us how that happened.
I have sinned,
but I am a changed man.
I fell hard for a lovely lady
named Mother Earth.
And like any man in love,
I want the whole world to see
my beautiful woman
and her trees.
That's why I'm sponsoring
a benefit concert
two weeks from Saturday,
in majestic Strickland Woods!
A benefit concert.
That is one smart way
to pull Strickland's huevos
out of the frying pan.
I have found that live music
will make people
overlook anything.
Sting must do horrible things
for all the special concerts
that man puts on.
Well, I can't believe the kinds
of people I had to deal with
all week
getting this concert going.
Apparently,
right when you get out of jail,
you start renting port-a-johns.
I sold so many trees,
they should call Strickland
Woods "Strickland Forest."
Well, congratulations, Bobby.
You just put out your
first Mr. Strickland fire.
A couple hundred more
and you'll be tied with me.
Where are all the trees?
I don't know.
Mr. Gribble said he'd take care
of the planting
and for me to just worry
about the selling.
Well, on the bright side,
this is the scandal that will
finally take Buck down.
Dale, we were just at Strickland
Woods and there's nothing there.
How could you do this?
Well, I liked the money, but
didn't care for the digging.
After that the plan
sort of formed itself.
Buck's been telling everybody
he's planted a forest out there.
This was supposed to save
Strickland's image.
In my defense, things
get awfully muddy
when it comes
to the environment.
Hybrid cars get worse mileage
than older regular cars.
Ethanol causes food prices
to go up
and leads to riots
in other countries.
We were supposed to have
an ice age
unless people stopped
using pesticides.
Well, looky here.
It's still hot!
I'm not letting you
destroy the company
I've dedicated my life to.
You're going to go
and tell everyone
that you lied
and stole their money.
I'm kind of in the middle
of a beer, Hank.
Aah!
And this is where
I'll be hobnobbing
with all the celebrities.
I call it the Green Green Room.
Uh-huh.
Then I get lowered
onto the stage
by a helicopter powered
by vegetable oil.
Go on, Dale. Tell them
about the trees.
Yeah, about them,
some of those trees
might have to, you know,
quietly disappear to
make room for a stage.
Well, that's not going
to be a problem, sir.
There are no trees.
Dale took your money
and didn't plant anything.
Excuses, Hank...
Tell him the excuses.
I got thousands of people...
Including some very
attractive females...
Expecting music and trees!
We're in trouble.
We need a brainstorming
session, pronto.
Well, how about we tell everyone
the truth?
How about we simulate
a forest with one tree
and a thousand mirrors?
Well, now there's someone
using his noodle.
Hank, you're out.
Gribble, what else you got?
So this fellow's
going to save us, huh?
How do you know him, again?
He used to be in the gun club
until we kicked him out.
He kind of scared us;
he's way into guns.
Hey, Gribble.
How's your gun club?
Geez, let it go already.
Eh, nice piece of property
you got here.
What is she, a hundred acres?
She's not for sale.
Oh, we don't want to buy it.
We want to buy the carbon offset
rights to your trees.
You can't cut down my trees.
No, no, you don't understand.
We want these trees
to keep doing
exactly what they're doing...
Inhaling carbon
and exhaling oxygen.
And we want to pay you for it,
for the environment.
How is paying me going to help
the environment?
Well, hell if I know.
The important thing is
nothing's going to change
and you get paid.
I think we can work
something out.
Fantastic.
Oh, yeah,
and there's going to be
a concert here this weekend.
Should be a few thousand people,
not a big deal.
Buck and Dale
are just making things worse.
Now they've bought offset rights
to a forest that already exists.
It doesn't matter anyway.
People just want to make money.
Caring is for suckers.
Bobby is too young
to know that, Hank.
We have to do something.
Hey, it looks like your pecan
tree could use a little water.
What's the point?
I told you it'd work, ol' top.
Nobody knows where the real
Strickland Woods is.
Yep, it certainly looks like
you're going to get
away with this, sir.
Uh, how you all doing out there?
We're all here to have
a good time,
but let's not forget
the real reason we're here:
me!
I'm just like the Indian
who saw pollution
in that old commercial;
except instead of crying,
I got off my ass
and did something about it.
That's why I planted
all these trees.
Aw, I'm not a hero,
no, not at all.
I'm just one man who's trying
to single-handedly save
the planet.
Uh, sir, one of the
girls in the band
needs help with her costume.
Excuse me, folks.
I got some hobnobbing to do.
Hello, I'm Hank Hill.
Now, you're all here because
you care about the environment.
- The environment!
- That's right.
And that's why you deserve
the truth.
And, uh, the truth is,
these trees have been here
a long time.
No, no. You see, Strickland
Propane didn't plant them.
We just bought the offset rights
to them, whatever that means.
What I'm trying to say is,
we did nothing.
Leave only footprints!
Strickland! Strickland!
Strickland!
Ladies and gentlemen,
Big Mountain Fudge Cake.
And these stakes should support
the tree in any strong winds.
It'll be turning out oxygen
and pecans for years to come.
Thanks, Dad, but I don't see
how one tree is going to matter.
Well, I'm not going to lie
to you, Bobby.
One tree probably won't matter.
Oh, okay.
But if you care about something,
you can make a difference.
Don't let people
who take shortcuts
or only do something because
it's fashionable discourage you.
I won't.
So what's the ETA on
that first pecan pie?
Uh, it's going to be
a little while, Bobby.
Trees! Beautiful trees.
Ripped By mstoll