King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 13, Episode 18 - Uh-Oh Canada - full transcript
Everybody on Rainey Street is put off by the Canadian family that moves into Boomhauer's house for the summer.
Summer.
It's what America does best.
Heck, we were born
in the summer.
Oh, my goodness.
Will you look at this outdoor
sofa and coffee table?
Wow.
See, the trend today is
to make your outdoor space
feel less backyard-y
and more living room-y.
Come on, Hank.
Sit with me.
Dream with me.
Well, I'm a guy who can sit
on just about anything,
but this furniture
is gotdang lovely.
Let's buy it.
All of it.
What? Well, I...
I...
This is all happening so fast.
I don't...
Don't fight it.
I need new pots for the summer.
I'm planting hibiscus to attract
hummingbirds, bees,
anything, really.
I'm thinking,
"new hammock."
For me, laying and
swaying in a hammock
is like a steady morphine drip
without the risk
of renal failure.
Is that what I think it is?
Sancta Madre de Dios!
Hank!
Hank!
It's beautiful.
This will, no doubt, be the
best summer of our entire lives.
Yep.
Yep.
Well, I tell you what, man,
I'd love to just chill back and
dang ol' grill and chill, man,
but I'm gonna head up
to Canada this summer, man.
Canada?
A man only has
so many summers, Boomhauer.
Why would you waste yours
in a country
that's dismantling its Navy?
Talking about house-swapping
with an ol' Canadian family,
for, um, eh?
House-swap?
There's going to be Canadians
living here,
walking around, touching things
for three whole months?
You're going to be gone
for an absurd amount of time.
What if we all make new friends
or get remarried?
It could happen.
Love is funny.
Have fun.
Hope you got your shots.
Boomhauer, don't you dare
come back a hockey fan.
Well, man, you know I got to do
what I dang old got to do, man.
Miss him.
Miss him.
Ripped By mstoll
Yep.
Yup.
Yep.
Look, I know
we all miss Boomhauer,
but he wouldn't want us
crying in our beer.
It looks like
the Canadians are here.
Boo!
Now, be polite, Dale.
We're Americans.
We're the world's welcome mat.
It doesn't matter
if they're from Canada, Laos,
or, God forbid, California.
Right now,
they're from Rainey Street,
and it's our patriotic duty
to show them what good neighbors
are all about.
Fine.
Whatever.
Holy jeez!
This looks like one
of those spicy motels.
Well, we wanted
something different
than the lake this year.
I think we got 'er.
Oh, dear.
I'm just going to slip
this young lady
behind the Chesterfield.
Hello and welcome
to the United States.
Peggy Hill, at your service.
Hank Hill. Good to meet you.
Gordon Huskins.
It's a pleasure.
Oh, sorry.
This is my wife Maureen
and our son Ollie.
How tall are you?
Four foot eleven.
Oh. Right on.
That's 150 centimeters.
Hey, I sound tall in Canada.
I wonder
if I'm thinner there, too.
Keep talking.
That's a good-looking T-shirt
you got there, Gordon.
You in the mower business?
Oh, I wish.
But I've got a thing
for McCullum mowers.
Canadian outfit.
Ride high. Ride strong.
Ride McCullum.
Now, that's a slogan.
Maureen, this is for you.
And join me, won't you,
on a 50-state tour of America?
Here's Texas barbecue sauce,
Washington apples,
Vermont maple syrup.
Oh, that's so nice.
But we always travel
with our own pure maple syrup.
It's like they say.
"You don't want to drink the
water in every country." Eh?
Uh-huh.
I am telling you, Hank,
those Canadians are not
who they pretend to be.
That woman insulted me and every
maple tree in Vermont today.
Peggy, they're probably not used
to dealing with neighbors.
Canada is vast.
They might go months
without seeing another person.
Oh, Hank. You're
just easily enchanted
by anyone in lawnmower apparel.
That's why I wore my John Deere
beefy-T on our first date.
No, I'm a good neighbor.
That's all.
I can handle this.
Remember when that old widow
couldn't take care
of her yard anymore?
Who forced her to move?
I did.
Hello. My name is Suzette.
I live next door.
Yeah, man, dang of bonjour, man.
Here. I brought you some
coffee crisps, huh?
Huh. We need to properly
position the kegerator.
Some place where I can keep
one eye on the grill
and one eye on the game.
I might need to lay down
some chalk lines
to make sure I get
the angles right.
Eh! How's it going, everybody?
Maureen made a nice tray
of her brownies, eh?
So, what do you say?
Let's get at 'er!
Well, thanks, Gordon.
Hey, we're going to watch
Super Bowl XIII later.
The Broncos' "orange crush"
versus the Cowboys'
"doomsday defense."
Want to pull up a chair?
Oh, thanks, but you know,
I prefer the fast-paced
Canadian three-down system.
I mean, American football
is a real snoozer, huh?
Enjoy your nap, though, eh?
I'd like to put that chuckle
of his in a sandwich
and make him eat it.
He's okay, Dale.
That must be how they
trash-talk in Canada.
With little chuckles.
Tell you what.
Peggy's dying to throw a party
to break in
our new patio furniture.
I'll invite the Canadians.
You'll see.
They're regular folks.
But enough of that.
We need to build a bar worthy
of housing our kegerator.
With this sophisticated
new furniture,
I feel like we should be talking
about art or-or politics
or-or this new furniture.
I'm confused, Aunt Peggy.
I feel like we're inside, but
I'm pretty sure we're outside.
Thank you, Luanne.
Yeah, it's a lovely
outdoor couch,
but I'm starting
to get a little rash.
Probably all the petrochemicals
in the synthetic fabric.
Looks like everyone else
is doing fine.
It might be that
your skin isn't used to
warm sunlight and friendship.
You might be right.
Because these bugs don't seem
to hate it, either.
Ooh, all right! It's going
to be that kind of party.
Gentlemen, I know you've all
been waiting patiently
and now, to commemorate our
first draft beer of the summer,
I present to you your very own
personalized frosty beer mugs.
Grab one.
These will be kept here for you,
always chilled, always ready.
Uh, wow.
Gordon, I'd be honored
if you'd use Boomhauer's.
Cheers, everybody!
Well, I guess it's a fine beer,
you know, if you're not
into flavor, but you love
going to the washroom all night.
Oh, sorry.
Maureen's giving me
our secret signal to leave.
Good to meet all you.
This mug is Boomhauer.
Gordon left him for dead
in those geraniums.
If you ask me,
I think America's building
a wall on the wrong border.
This can't be right.
Nobody's that rude.
There has to be some kind
of cultural misunderstanding.
Uh, how can I help you, officer?
This your house?
Yes, sir.
We received a noise complaint.
Noise complaint?
Nobody's making any noise here.
I get so angry
when people aren't respectful
of their neighbors.
Did you ever stop to think
that maybe there's
a bigger world out there
than what's happening
right here?
Here's a warning.
You don't want to see me again.
Wait. Which neighbors
would call the cops?
Everybody's here.
Except the Canadians.
I can't believe Gordon
called the cops on us.
He's going to be sorry
when he sees me today.
It's about time
you woke up, Hank.
Anger is more fun when shared.
Mom, can I have another
half liter of OJ, please?
What?
Bobby, we speak English
in this house.
But, Dad, Canada's metric system
makes so much more sense.
A yard, a foot, an ounce...
That's so random.
Why not measure things
in squirts and dog's tails?
All right. That's it.
No more Ollie.
No more metric talk.
This is America, dang it.
We know what we're doing.
I got to go straighten this out.
Hey there, Hank.
Can I make you up
a rye and ginger?
Nothing says summer
like an R & G.
No. I want to talk
about last night, Gordon.
Oh, yeah, what a nice party,
eh, Maureen?
Super nice, Gord.
You know, in America, it's okay
to call or just knock
on your neighbor's door
if there's a problem.
You don't need to call the cops.
Oh, sorry about that.
We're not familiar
with your local customs.
You know, Hank,
you really ought to think
about getting a McCullum mower.
Quiet as a casket!
And it won't damage
your grass blades.
That's what's making your lawn
look so brown.
You talking about
my grass blades, Canada?
You know, maybe I'll
stop by that new McCullum dealer
later on, see if they'll let me
test out a new model.
Give Boomhauer a proper mow
while we're here.
I told Boomhauer I'd take care
of his yard while he's away.
Oh, yeah? Well, if you think
you have the right to his land,
who am I to get in your way?
Okay, fine.
Real good, then.
Oh, man, dang ol' ooh-la-la,
man, ol'...
You know, before this,
I always drank out of a can.
I never knew beer was yellow.
That Gordon Huskins.
All he talks about
is how great Canada is
and what's wrong with America.
I dodged bullets in the killing
fields for two extra years
instead of going to Canada.
Outside the Hill residence,
Peggy speaking.
Oh, yes, Gordon. Oh, of course.
Well, thank you.
You bet.
Uh-huh, okay,
I'm hanging up now.
Hank, that was Gordon.
They're whining about the music
being too loud.
They're reading.
Dang it, that man is
not ruining my summer.
If I want to get rid
of those Canadians,
I'm gonna have to do something
I've never done before:
be a bad neighbor.
Go ahead, fellas, live it up!
Yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, can we
please stop this, Hank?
I can actually feel my liver
through my shirt.
We can't let up.
This is for America!
All right, you turkeys,
I got a two-four
of Slewback's.
You want to throw down?!
Let's throw down!
Have a seat.
Ah, now, this is a beer.
Why can't America make
a decent ale?
Probably because we're too busy
making medical breakthroughs
and blockbuster movies
and going to the moon!
Yeah, well, we invented
zippers, penicillin
and the Zamboni!
I love Canada's national anthem.
Too bad they don't play it
much at the Olympics!
And your money has a girl on it!
You Americans,
you're so gosh-darn ignorant
and self-centered.
Tell me who
our prime minister is.
Why?
Bottom line, Gordon:
my Mason could kick
your McCullum's ass.
Oh! Oh!
That does it, eh?!
Yay!
Yeah!
That'll learn him.
Don't mess with Texas!
What the heck?!
He's mowing Boomhauer's lawn
with a Canadian mower!
Not if I have anything
to say about it!
U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Look, he's ready to turn!
Take that, Canada!
Ho, yeah!
Way to be, Hank!
Hank! That crazy Canuck
is mowing your yard!
Bwah!
Oh, God.
.085
That's a D-W-I for Y-O-U.
.09
Huh. You win, Canada.
Are you da toof fairy?
Give me a dollar!
Hank Hill, you're free to go.
Son! Welcome
to the club!
Come on now.
Give me a hug!
Thanks, Mr. Strickland.
Who's this?
J.J. Womack.
I'm your best friend
in the world right now.
Old J.J.'s
gotten me off the hook
more times than I can count.
Don't know how he does it
and don't ask.
What about me?
You're a foreign national
who committed
a criminal offense.
May God have mercy on your soul.
Hank, you gotta help me!
Oh, you mean, bail you
out of trouble?
How terribly American
that would be of me, eh?
They say jail can
make a man hard,
but you look okay, Hank.
Maybe a little harder,
but not much.
Well, the DWI still goes
on my record,
but thanks to Buck's lawyer,
I won't lose my license.
But I have to go talk
to some high school kids
about drinking and driving
and look at some dead bodies
at the morgue
and stay off my lawnmower
for six months.
Six months with a push mower?
That's hard time, my friend.
But still, it's kind of sad
that Gordon is stuck
in prison indefinitely.
Yeah, kind of feel bad
for the guy, too.
But come on.
It's not like
he'll be tortured...
officially.
Hey, good news, everyone.
Gordon got another death threat.
But it's okay, they moved
him to a single cell
with a roommate who,
they tell me, has his back.
Boomhauer!
There he is!
Hey, there!
Hello, Jeff.
Oh, my, it's the 15th already?
Would you mind if we stayed
a little longer?
Gordon's in a bit
of a legal spot.
Man, I'm kind of coming back
to my dang ol' love nest, man.
Suzette?!
What are you doing here?!
What about Jean Paul?
Jean Paul?
I hope he stay
in that aluminum
mine forever, uh?
I finished with that guy.
C'est ca, c'est tout.
That's it! That's all!
I see.
Well, yes, of course,
we'll be out right away.
Ollie and I will just sleep
in the rental car.
"Give me your tired, your poor,
"your huddled masses,"
et cetera...
Maureen, Ollie,
you can stay with us.
What are neighbors for?
Are you sure you don't want
to stay inside?
Oh, absolutely not.
We don't want to be
any more of an imposition
than we already are.
And frankly,
I feel like we are inside.
That's very kind.
What about the chemicals?
I may have imagined
those chemicals.
I imagine you're right.
It's hard to enjoy a cold beer
while others in the world don't
have a roof over their heads.
Hard, yes. Impossible, no.
You know, Canadians
might be sanctimonious
and bland, but America has been
protecting Canada ever
since England stopped.
Who's there when tyranny strikes
or when earthquakes hit
or tsunamis roll?
We are.
Fellas, we've got a neighbor
in trouble,
and it's time we did something
about it.
I'm not gonna pretend
I feel sorry
for your Canadian friend
because I don't.
But I could take pity
if the price was right.
We're cash poor at the moment,
but you look like a drinker.
Perhaps we could barter.
Good-bye, old friend.
You treat her right, Womack!
Keep her lines clean, you hear!
Gordon, you're alive!
Was it terrible?
Did they humiliate you?
This must be quite
a sacrifice for you, eh?
You have no idea.
Beer from a can.
It's barbaric.
See ya, guys.
If you're ever up in Canada
to get reasonably priced
pharmaceuticals or, you know,
a breath of fresh air, huh,
look us up.
Keep your stick
on the ice!
The nerve of that guy!
So ungrateful.
Didn't even say thank you
for getting him out of jail.
Or for giving up our kegerator,
which had replaced trash day
as my favorite thing
about this neighborhood.
No, he didn't.
But you know what?
We were good neighbors,
and we did the right thing.
That's what matters.
Yup.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
Ripped By mstoll
It's what America does best.
Heck, we were born
in the summer.
Oh, my goodness.
Will you look at this outdoor
sofa and coffee table?
Wow.
See, the trend today is
to make your outdoor space
feel less backyard-y
and more living room-y.
Come on, Hank.
Sit with me.
Dream with me.
Well, I'm a guy who can sit
on just about anything,
but this furniture
is gotdang lovely.
Let's buy it.
All of it.
What? Well, I...
I...
This is all happening so fast.
I don't...
Don't fight it.
I need new pots for the summer.
I'm planting hibiscus to attract
hummingbirds, bees,
anything, really.
I'm thinking,
"new hammock."
For me, laying and
swaying in a hammock
is like a steady morphine drip
without the risk
of renal failure.
Is that what I think it is?
Sancta Madre de Dios!
Hank!
Hank!
It's beautiful.
This will, no doubt, be the
best summer of our entire lives.
Yep.
Yep.
Well, I tell you what, man,
I'd love to just chill back and
dang ol' grill and chill, man,
but I'm gonna head up
to Canada this summer, man.
Canada?
A man only has
so many summers, Boomhauer.
Why would you waste yours
in a country
that's dismantling its Navy?
Talking about house-swapping
with an ol' Canadian family,
for, um, eh?
House-swap?
There's going to be Canadians
living here,
walking around, touching things
for three whole months?
You're going to be gone
for an absurd amount of time.
What if we all make new friends
or get remarried?
It could happen.
Love is funny.
Have fun.
Hope you got your shots.
Boomhauer, don't you dare
come back a hockey fan.
Well, man, you know I got to do
what I dang old got to do, man.
Miss him.
Miss him.
Ripped By mstoll
Yep.
Yup.
Yep.
Look, I know
we all miss Boomhauer,
but he wouldn't want us
crying in our beer.
It looks like
the Canadians are here.
Boo!
Now, be polite, Dale.
We're Americans.
We're the world's welcome mat.
It doesn't matter
if they're from Canada, Laos,
or, God forbid, California.
Right now,
they're from Rainey Street,
and it's our patriotic duty
to show them what good neighbors
are all about.
Fine.
Whatever.
Holy jeez!
This looks like one
of those spicy motels.
Well, we wanted
something different
than the lake this year.
I think we got 'er.
Oh, dear.
I'm just going to slip
this young lady
behind the Chesterfield.
Hello and welcome
to the United States.
Peggy Hill, at your service.
Hank Hill. Good to meet you.
Gordon Huskins.
It's a pleasure.
Oh, sorry.
This is my wife Maureen
and our son Ollie.
How tall are you?
Four foot eleven.
Oh. Right on.
That's 150 centimeters.
Hey, I sound tall in Canada.
I wonder
if I'm thinner there, too.
Keep talking.
That's a good-looking T-shirt
you got there, Gordon.
You in the mower business?
Oh, I wish.
But I've got a thing
for McCullum mowers.
Canadian outfit.
Ride high. Ride strong.
Ride McCullum.
Now, that's a slogan.
Maureen, this is for you.
And join me, won't you,
on a 50-state tour of America?
Here's Texas barbecue sauce,
Washington apples,
Vermont maple syrup.
Oh, that's so nice.
But we always travel
with our own pure maple syrup.
It's like they say.
"You don't want to drink the
water in every country." Eh?
Uh-huh.
I am telling you, Hank,
those Canadians are not
who they pretend to be.
That woman insulted me and every
maple tree in Vermont today.
Peggy, they're probably not used
to dealing with neighbors.
Canada is vast.
They might go months
without seeing another person.
Oh, Hank. You're
just easily enchanted
by anyone in lawnmower apparel.
That's why I wore my John Deere
beefy-T on our first date.
No, I'm a good neighbor.
That's all.
I can handle this.
Remember when that old widow
couldn't take care
of her yard anymore?
Who forced her to move?
I did.
Hello. My name is Suzette.
I live next door.
Yeah, man, dang of bonjour, man.
Here. I brought you some
coffee crisps, huh?
Huh. We need to properly
position the kegerator.
Some place where I can keep
one eye on the grill
and one eye on the game.
I might need to lay down
some chalk lines
to make sure I get
the angles right.
Eh! How's it going, everybody?
Maureen made a nice tray
of her brownies, eh?
So, what do you say?
Let's get at 'er!
Well, thanks, Gordon.
Hey, we're going to watch
Super Bowl XIII later.
The Broncos' "orange crush"
versus the Cowboys'
"doomsday defense."
Want to pull up a chair?
Oh, thanks, but you know,
I prefer the fast-paced
Canadian three-down system.
I mean, American football
is a real snoozer, huh?
Enjoy your nap, though, eh?
I'd like to put that chuckle
of his in a sandwich
and make him eat it.
He's okay, Dale.
That must be how they
trash-talk in Canada.
With little chuckles.
Tell you what.
Peggy's dying to throw a party
to break in
our new patio furniture.
I'll invite the Canadians.
You'll see.
They're regular folks.
But enough of that.
We need to build a bar worthy
of housing our kegerator.
With this sophisticated
new furniture,
I feel like we should be talking
about art or-or politics
or-or this new furniture.
I'm confused, Aunt Peggy.
I feel like we're inside, but
I'm pretty sure we're outside.
Thank you, Luanne.
Yeah, it's a lovely
outdoor couch,
but I'm starting
to get a little rash.
Probably all the petrochemicals
in the synthetic fabric.
Looks like everyone else
is doing fine.
It might be that
your skin isn't used to
warm sunlight and friendship.
You might be right.
Because these bugs don't seem
to hate it, either.
Ooh, all right! It's going
to be that kind of party.
Gentlemen, I know you've all
been waiting patiently
and now, to commemorate our
first draft beer of the summer,
I present to you your very own
personalized frosty beer mugs.
Grab one.
These will be kept here for you,
always chilled, always ready.
Uh, wow.
Gordon, I'd be honored
if you'd use Boomhauer's.
Cheers, everybody!
Well, I guess it's a fine beer,
you know, if you're not
into flavor, but you love
going to the washroom all night.
Oh, sorry.
Maureen's giving me
our secret signal to leave.
Good to meet all you.
This mug is Boomhauer.
Gordon left him for dead
in those geraniums.
If you ask me,
I think America's building
a wall on the wrong border.
This can't be right.
Nobody's that rude.
There has to be some kind
of cultural misunderstanding.
Uh, how can I help you, officer?
This your house?
Yes, sir.
We received a noise complaint.
Noise complaint?
Nobody's making any noise here.
I get so angry
when people aren't respectful
of their neighbors.
Did you ever stop to think
that maybe there's
a bigger world out there
than what's happening
right here?
Here's a warning.
You don't want to see me again.
Wait. Which neighbors
would call the cops?
Everybody's here.
Except the Canadians.
I can't believe Gordon
called the cops on us.
He's going to be sorry
when he sees me today.
It's about time
you woke up, Hank.
Anger is more fun when shared.
Mom, can I have another
half liter of OJ, please?
What?
Bobby, we speak English
in this house.
But, Dad, Canada's metric system
makes so much more sense.
A yard, a foot, an ounce...
That's so random.
Why not measure things
in squirts and dog's tails?
All right. That's it.
No more Ollie.
No more metric talk.
This is America, dang it.
We know what we're doing.
I got to go straighten this out.
Hey there, Hank.
Can I make you up
a rye and ginger?
Nothing says summer
like an R & G.
No. I want to talk
about last night, Gordon.
Oh, yeah, what a nice party,
eh, Maureen?
Super nice, Gord.
You know, in America, it's okay
to call or just knock
on your neighbor's door
if there's a problem.
You don't need to call the cops.
Oh, sorry about that.
We're not familiar
with your local customs.
You know, Hank,
you really ought to think
about getting a McCullum mower.
Quiet as a casket!
And it won't damage
your grass blades.
That's what's making your lawn
look so brown.
You talking about
my grass blades, Canada?
You know, maybe I'll
stop by that new McCullum dealer
later on, see if they'll let me
test out a new model.
Give Boomhauer a proper mow
while we're here.
I told Boomhauer I'd take care
of his yard while he's away.
Oh, yeah? Well, if you think
you have the right to his land,
who am I to get in your way?
Okay, fine.
Real good, then.
Oh, man, dang ol' ooh-la-la,
man, ol'...
You know, before this,
I always drank out of a can.
I never knew beer was yellow.
That Gordon Huskins.
All he talks about
is how great Canada is
and what's wrong with America.
I dodged bullets in the killing
fields for two extra years
instead of going to Canada.
Outside the Hill residence,
Peggy speaking.
Oh, yes, Gordon. Oh, of course.
Well, thank you.
You bet.
Uh-huh, okay,
I'm hanging up now.
Hank, that was Gordon.
They're whining about the music
being too loud.
They're reading.
Dang it, that man is
not ruining my summer.
If I want to get rid
of those Canadians,
I'm gonna have to do something
I've never done before:
be a bad neighbor.
Go ahead, fellas, live it up!
Yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, can we
please stop this, Hank?
I can actually feel my liver
through my shirt.
We can't let up.
This is for America!
All right, you turkeys,
I got a two-four
of Slewback's.
You want to throw down?!
Let's throw down!
Have a seat.
Ah, now, this is a beer.
Why can't America make
a decent ale?
Probably because we're too busy
making medical breakthroughs
and blockbuster movies
and going to the moon!
Yeah, well, we invented
zippers, penicillin
and the Zamboni!
I love Canada's national anthem.
Too bad they don't play it
much at the Olympics!
And your money has a girl on it!
You Americans,
you're so gosh-darn ignorant
and self-centered.
Tell me who
our prime minister is.
Why?
Bottom line, Gordon:
my Mason could kick
your McCullum's ass.
Oh! Oh!
That does it, eh?!
Yay!
Yeah!
That'll learn him.
Don't mess with Texas!
What the heck?!
He's mowing Boomhauer's lawn
with a Canadian mower!
Not if I have anything
to say about it!
U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Look, he's ready to turn!
Take that, Canada!
Ho, yeah!
Way to be, Hank!
Hank! That crazy Canuck
is mowing your yard!
Bwah!
Oh, God.
.085
That's a D-W-I for Y-O-U.
.09
Huh. You win, Canada.
Are you da toof fairy?
Give me a dollar!
Hank Hill, you're free to go.
Son! Welcome
to the club!
Come on now.
Give me a hug!
Thanks, Mr. Strickland.
Who's this?
J.J. Womack.
I'm your best friend
in the world right now.
Old J.J.'s
gotten me off the hook
more times than I can count.
Don't know how he does it
and don't ask.
What about me?
You're a foreign national
who committed
a criminal offense.
May God have mercy on your soul.
Hank, you gotta help me!
Oh, you mean, bail you
out of trouble?
How terribly American
that would be of me, eh?
They say jail can
make a man hard,
but you look okay, Hank.
Maybe a little harder,
but not much.
Well, the DWI still goes
on my record,
but thanks to Buck's lawyer,
I won't lose my license.
But I have to go talk
to some high school kids
about drinking and driving
and look at some dead bodies
at the morgue
and stay off my lawnmower
for six months.
Six months with a push mower?
That's hard time, my friend.
But still, it's kind of sad
that Gordon is stuck
in prison indefinitely.
Yeah, kind of feel bad
for the guy, too.
But come on.
It's not like
he'll be tortured...
officially.
Hey, good news, everyone.
Gordon got another death threat.
But it's okay, they moved
him to a single cell
with a roommate who,
they tell me, has his back.
Boomhauer!
There he is!
Hey, there!
Hello, Jeff.
Oh, my, it's the 15th already?
Would you mind if we stayed
a little longer?
Gordon's in a bit
of a legal spot.
Man, I'm kind of coming back
to my dang ol' love nest, man.
Suzette?!
What are you doing here?!
What about Jean Paul?
Jean Paul?
I hope he stay
in that aluminum
mine forever, uh?
I finished with that guy.
C'est ca, c'est tout.
That's it! That's all!
I see.
Well, yes, of course,
we'll be out right away.
Ollie and I will just sleep
in the rental car.
"Give me your tired, your poor,
"your huddled masses,"
et cetera...
Maureen, Ollie,
you can stay with us.
What are neighbors for?
Are you sure you don't want
to stay inside?
Oh, absolutely not.
We don't want to be
any more of an imposition
than we already are.
And frankly,
I feel like we are inside.
That's very kind.
What about the chemicals?
I may have imagined
those chemicals.
I imagine you're right.
It's hard to enjoy a cold beer
while others in the world don't
have a roof over their heads.
Hard, yes. Impossible, no.
You know, Canadians
might be sanctimonious
and bland, but America has been
protecting Canada ever
since England stopped.
Who's there when tyranny strikes
or when earthquakes hit
or tsunamis roll?
We are.
Fellas, we've got a neighbor
in trouble,
and it's time we did something
about it.
I'm not gonna pretend
I feel sorry
for your Canadian friend
because I don't.
But I could take pity
if the price was right.
We're cash poor at the moment,
but you look like a drinker.
Perhaps we could barter.
Good-bye, old friend.
You treat her right, Womack!
Keep her lines clean, you hear!
Gordon, you're alive!
Was it terrible?
Did they humiliate you?
This must be quite
a sacrifice for you, eh?
You have no idea.
Beer from a can.
It's barbaric.
See ya, guys.
If you're ever up in Canada
to get reasonably priced
pharmaceuticals or, you know,
a breath of fresh air, huh,
look us up.
Keep your stick
on the ice!
The nerve of that guy!
So ungrateful.
Didn't even say thank you
for getting him out of jail.
Or for giving up our kegerator,
which had replaced trash day
as my favorite thing
about this neighborhood.
No, he didn't.
But you know what?
We were good neighbors,
and we did the right thing.
That's what matters.
Yup.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
Ripped By mstoll