King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 13, Episode 16 - Bad News Bill - full transcript

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Gracie sure spits up a lot.

She's definitely
her father's child.

Wow.

This is a particularly
good mail day.

Paycheck...

auto club magazine...

jury duty notice.

Oh, no.

West Arlen Youth Baseball.

Is it already time
to sign up Bobby



for another season of baseball?

Or maybe this is the year
we forget to.

People forget things.

See, Peggy,
it's completely believable.

Hank, Bobby loves
playing baseball.

And soon, he'll be all grown up,

and all we will have
is memories.

The memories.

That's my boy.

That's my boy?

That... boy.

I just can't sit in the stands
for another season

of parents looking at me
with such... pity.

This never arrived.



You didn't see anything.

But you're not making any sense.

That did arrive.

I saw something.

Hey,Joseph just told me

the baseball forms came.

I can't wait

to play!

Now, where did I put that thing

you wear on your hand
to catch the ball?

I love that thing!

They sure make protective cups
look pretty these days.

Bobby might just have
to fight me for this one.

Baseball,huh?

So, you're really
going to do this again?

Apparently,

I found the
batting gloves I want.

Look at me, I'm a chicken!

Hey, Hank.

Getting Bobby outfitted
for the season?

Uh, yep.

Again?

Yep.

I'm sorry, buddy.

Hey, check this out.

South Arlen started up
their own baseball league.

Arlen South Youth Baseball?

Never heard of it.

I don't know anyone
who plays there.

Which means nobody knows me.

Or Bobby.

A clean slate.

Get it off me.

Oh, it's eating my face!

This place is great.

The newly-cut grass,

the freshly-squeezed
lemonade.

Exactly like my childhood...

should have been.

Skills Day?

These kids are being
scrutinized and analyzed

like a herd of cattle
at auction.

Which makes perfect sense.

Where do you think
Kobe beef comes from?

Japanese baseball players.

Uh-oh, is that
Chet McKay?

No.

Just another idiot
with adult braces.

Well, I think it's safe to say
I don't know anyone here.

I tell you what, it's nice
to make a fresh start.

I feel like a serial killer
who relocated to Mexico.

Number 231, Bobby Hill.

Okay, Bobby.

Be discreet.

Hi, there.

Are you Bobby's father?

I'm Coach Bradford.

Bobby will be playing
for me on the Stingers.

Ah... hello, Coach.

Uh, you know those chubby kids
that can't run,

but can whack the hell
out of a ball?

Well, Bobby's not one of them.

Uh, sorry if he costs you
any wins.

In my experience, only
losers talk about winning.

Winning's for losers.

I'm about support
and opportunity.

I don't make wins;
I make winners!

Delicious, nutritious winners.

And the happy by-product is,

by the time I'm done
with your son,

he's going to be a hell
of a ballplayer.

Uh, well, I appreciate
the effort,

but I know Bobby,
and that's not really realistic.

Of course it is.

That's what this organization
is all about.

See, ASYB is a strong network

of parents and volunteers
all with one goal:

making better ballplayers
and better children.

Parents and volunteers?

Can anyone make better children,

even if they never
made children?

They sure can.

Non-parental volunteers
are the most dedicated

and admired members of our team.

I'm in!

Take that, Big Brothers!

Okay, Bobby, this
is a pitch and go drill.

He pitches;
you swing and go.

Hit, no hit, you go.

Got it?

You hit, and what do you do?

I go.

You sure do!

And not just to first base,

but to every got-dang dream
you'll ever chase!

Leg it out, leg it out!

Leg it out!

Leg it out, leg it
out, leg it out!

You are a child with potential!

You are a reservoir of hope!

You are a winner!

I am proud of you!

You're making me
proud of me, too.

Uh, about your outfit, Bill...

No.

I wear Arlen
South Youth Baseball

on the outside

because I'm Arlen
South Youth Baseball

on the inside.

Hey, Bobby.

How was practice?

Brutal.

I hurt in places
you're always talking about.

Does that mean you want to quit?

Because you can.

You can quit baseball forever.

Quit?

No, I love it.

But right now, I'm too tired
to make it to the house.

Can someone put
down an orange cone

so no one drives on me?

Well, this is the game
right here.

Tying and winning runs
in scoring position.

A hit, we win.

An out, we lose.

Hello, Hills.

Good to see you here.

Hey, you look thirsty.

Can I point you toward
the snack stand?

I find nothing
quenches the thirst

quite like a drink...

from the snack stand.

No, Bill, we're good.

We brought water.

Oh... why didn't you just go
to the snack stand,

reach into the till
and help yourself

to the money we rely on to keep
this great program afloat?

Next up, Bobby Hill.

What?

They're putting Bobby in?

He hasn't played all day,

and now the coach
is putting him in with two outs?

Whoo! Oh, yeah, Bobby!

Show them what you got!

No, Bobby, don't!

He did it.

He accidentally did it.

That's as many hits as he had
the last two seasons combined.

Well, I got to hand it
to you, Coach.

I thought you were crazy
putting Bobby in there,

but you must have known
what you were doing.

Yeah, this is what happens

when you support a child.
Huh?

See, I haven't given up on Bobby
the way you have.

Poor kid.
Shameful.

There should be a law.

I can't believe he said
I gave up on Bobby.

I mean, maybe I have,
but it wasn't all at once.

It was a slow, painful process.

I always dreamed
that Bobby

might be the hero
on the ball field one day,

and then, when it
finally happened,

I couldn't enjoy it.

Did you give up on your son?

Yes.

Was it particularly bad
parenting?

Yes.

The important thing is,

you still have time
to overcompensate.

Well, I'm going to start fresh
with Bobby.

From now on, I'm going
to support him no matter what.

You are truly
one of the best fathers

who gave up on his son
and changed his mind about it

that has ever lived.

You're really

going to help
with practice, Dad?

I thought you gave that up
back in T-ball,

that day I struck out looking.

Well, what should we do?

Why is he just standing there?

That'll dang ol'
done strike three, man.

Well, the past is the past.

The important thing is,
I'm here right now.

Great Bobbino!

We're here, Coach.

Ready for practice.

All right, Bobby,
go do some sprints.

So, you want me
to shag some balls

or chalk the field

or lead a pepper drill?

Where do you want me?

As far from the
field as possible.

You come from a position

of negativity, and I
want you to report

to someone who understands
what we're trying

Bill Dauterive.

Maybe some of his

winning attitude
will rub off on you.

I need to talk to you about Coach...
Shh, shh.

No, no, no, no.

You listen to me.

You will double the salt,
or you will find a new place

to peddle your sunflower seeds.

Good-bye.

Yes, sir.

How may I help you?

I came here to help
with practice,

but Bradford won't
let me on the field.

All I want to do is just
watch my son play baseball.

Really?

Last I heard, you wanted
to see him quit baseball.

Watch it, Bill.

I am just looking
for an ass to kick.

I'll give it
to you straight, Hank.

You're seen as a negative
influence around here.

Before anyone lets you
on the baseball field,

you're going to have
to prove yourself,

show your commitment
to the league.

Dang it, Bill.

How am I supposed to do that?

Large suicide, extra diet.

Diet?

You can't put diet in a suicide.

It will ruin it.

What button turns off
the commentary?

Just pour it, jerk.

Hey, isn't that the guy

who gave up on his kid?

Yeah, I wish he'd give up
on the snack stand, too.

Hello, Hank.

I'll have a cheeseburger.

Hold the lettuce,
pickles, cheese, and meat,

and instead of special sauce,
I'd like very special sauce.

Dang it, Dale, move.

Hank, this is not the
kind of service I expect

from my employees.

I am not your employee.

Do you ever want to get on
the field to see Bobby play?

A cheeseless, burgerless
cheeseburger.

How would you like that cooked?

Come on, Bobby,
you're a rainbow--

The fastest rainbow
in the world!

Yeah, ooh.

Whoo, a personal best
by .02 seconds!

That is how you do it!

You're going to be
in the Major Leagues someday.

All right!

Hey, Bobby, I was wondering

if you wanted to hit
the batting cages.

What are you doing?

I'm practicing
my baseball card stance.

Coach said that one day,
if I work really hard,

I could be a Major Leaguer.

What?

I should start figuring out

what team I want to play for.

Chicago has great fans,

but New York has the nightlife.

Well, I'm glad you're excited,
but, uh, it takes a lot of,

uh, ability and whatnot
to be in the big leagues.

Wait, are you saying
you don't believe I can do it?

'Cause Coach sure thinks I can.

Look, I'm glad
you're having fun,

but the big leagues
is quite a stretch.

It's just-- I just-- I don't
want you to be disappointed

when it definitely
doesn't happen.

I'm sorry, Dad,
but I have set my mind to it,

and that means with enough
hard work and dedication,

it'll happen.

Right?

Well, son, uh...

Uh, I think you should play
for the Yankees.

All right, let's show 'em
some stick there, Bobby!

You know, Hank,
staring out the window

sure isn't proving
your commitment

to the organization.

Dang it, Bill,

I need to talk to you
about Coach Bradford.

He's raising Bobby's
expectations,

and that's the wrong direction

for that boy's
expectations to go.

Uh-huh.

Is a little bit of positivity
a bad thing?

Well, sometimes yes.

This isn't going to end well.

Bradford's just setting Bobby up
for one big fall.

Envelopes.

Better get back on task

if you want to get
back on that field.

Now, I'm off
to get wined and dined

by the sunflower seed people.

So you'll have
to answer my calls.

If there's an emergency, you can
reach me on my cell phone.

Understood?

Dang it, what did I miss?

How'd Bobby get to third?

Hello.

It's Bradford.

Who's this--
Bobby's unsupportive dad?

Uh,yes.

Listen, the assistant coach had
to leave.

I'm shorthanded out here.

Maybe you can make some calls,

find someone
to help out on the field.

Well, why don't I come down?

Uh, I believe a child's
potential is like a flower.

Properly nurtured and watered,

it can get, um,
really good at baseball.

Uh, I don't know.

Do you have Bill's permission?

Yes.

Yes, I do, definitely.

Dad, you missed it.

I looked alive out here.

I looked alive!

Well, I'm not going
to miss any more.

We're, uh, short a few boys.

Mind standing in at catcher?

Not a bit.

I played some catcher, uh...

Yeah.

Nice grab.

Be ready in the outfield, Bobby.

He can really give it a ride.

Dang, that kid's fast.

Nice scoop.

Oh, my God, we might have
a play at the plate.

Play's at home, play's at home.

Yeah!

He's out of there!

Mr. Hill hit a kid!

I understand you're Hank Hill?

Yes.

Speak into the
microphone, please.

Look, I'm sorry I hurt that boy,

but it's not like he had to go
to the hospital or anything.

I hit him in the helmet,
for God's sake.

If I may, Mr. Chairman?

Mr. Hill, the boy may
not have lost any blood,

but he lost something more
important-- his innocence.

All because you lied

your way onto that field.

That, sir, was your
greatest offense.

Fine, I'll go back
to the snack stand.

No, you won't,
Mr. Hill.

You are hereby banned
from Arlen South facilities

for life.

Well, I just got off the phone

with the mother
of that boy I hit.

She said he's okay.

She also said some other stuff,

but not in language
I care to repeat.

She's an emotional woman.

I am so sorry you can't be
there to watch Bobby's game.

I'll record the whole thing.

And here,
let me get a shot of you

so we can remember
how sad you were.

Uncle Hank, don't think of it

as being banned
from the baseball league.

Think of it as being welcome
everywhere else.

Hey,son,

don't forget your batting gloves

and your bubble gum chaw.

And listen,

I just want you to know

I really wish I could be
at your game today.

Dad, it's okay
you're not coming.

'Cause Coach is going
to be there.

I'm not going to lie.

I'm sensing some tension here.

And I'm not going to lie--
I'm kind of enjoying it.

Talkin' 'bout ol'
dang ol' Hank, man,

Bill done you up all
kinds of wrong, man.

Well, thanks, Boomhauer.

I'm glad someone here
is making sense.

You think I'm unfair, Hank?

Just be glad I'm allowing you
contact with Bobby at all.

Okay, that does it.

I have had it with you.

Now, do you have
somewhere to be?

'Cause I'd like to know
what direction

I should kick your ass in.

I have to go anyway.

It's almost time for the game,

and unlike some people,
I'm allowed to be there.

Oh, guess what?

Bobby's starting today.

Too bad you can't see it.

Bobby's starting?

He hasn't started in years.

Remember when the stomach flu
was going around?

Bobby's team could only field
eight players,

and he still didn't start.

They actually had a kid playing
"lenter field."

Dang it, this is a
huge moment for Bobby.

I am not going to miss it.

Come on, Stingers,
let's do this.

I'm so proud
of my little right fielder.

You know,
outfield is the new infield.

Batter up.

I got it!

Come on, Bobby, catch this.

Way to get under it, Bobby!

You're a heck of a ballplayer!

Way to swarm the ball, Bobby!

That's what I'm talking about!

But I missed.

That kid in right
is a mess out there.

Weak right field!

What?
Hit it to right.

This is horrible.

I can't let Gracie watch.

Come on, Coach!

Pull Bobby!

What the hell are you doing?!

Hey, Bobby, you can do this!

Coach, Coach, time out.

I'm getting killed out here.

You got to take me
out of the game.

I'm not giving up on you,
Bobbino!

Now, get out there and give it
everything you have!

Dang it, Bradford's just going
to let him squirm out there?

I can't look.
What happened?

Did he catch it?

Oh, my gosh.

He went invisible.

I don't blame him.

Nope,

he got taken out.

The coach didn't know
what was good for Bobby,

but his father did.

Thank God you came, Dad.

Whew.

That must be what it feels like
in baseball hell.

I guess that means
I was never any good, was I?

Well... no, son,
you weren't, but...

you know, there's lots of stuff
you are good at,

like video games and comedy.

You should be very proud
of your comedy.

You know what?

I am.

So, do you think
there's a chance

I would have caught
that last fly ball?

N... No.

Me neither!

About your outfit,
Bill... no.

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