King of Stonks (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript
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A NETFLIX SERIES
I know what you're thinking.
CableCash, what an awesome company!
But it used to be very different.
CableCash's predecessor
was called Networth.
Founder Jutta Katz wanted to offer
New Economy pioneers
an uncomplicated online payment option.
Unfortunately, their products were mostly
porn, gambling and ringtones.
But the technology behind it,
was so innovative
that Deutsche Bank hired
two dubious consultants
to buy the company.
Networth's software is the most advanced
digital payment application worldwide,
but digital payment will not replace
traditional payment methods.
Continue, Magnus. Next slide.
This is the only one we have.
Well, that's exactly why Networth needs
a strong partner like Deutsche Bank.
Believe me, I know what I'm saying.
I could use a strong partner too,
right Mr. Cramer?
Well... Congratulations, Mrs. Katz!
The sale will make you very rich
and Deutsche Bank very happy.
And you, did you fall asleep?
Or why are you keeping so still?
No, I just think in a few years
cash will be gone completely
and Networth will be just fine
without Deutsche Bank's Nazi money.
I have to apologize.
Our IT specialist,
as you can tell
by the healthy basement tan.
Here's one.
Why needn't you worry
about a programmer
giving his friends financial advice?
Because he has no friends!
The sale fell through.
Networth went bankrupt
and was bought for one euro
by-- Wait for it!
Magnus Cramer and Felix Armand.
A rebranding campaign was launched
to clean up the company's smutty image.
Still, CableCash is repeatedly confronted
with its sketchy past.
...MONEY LAUNDERING
But, let's be honest,
no German company has ever made it
to the top without a sketchy past.
Great.
Last week you thought your face
would be all over today's news.
Now you're sitting in jail.
Great IPO, Felix.
COO of CableCash.
Hopefully they didn't bust the mafia
because of the fucking Hermann brothers,
or else you'll have much bigger problems.
...searched
and arrested several suspects.
Including the head
of the infamous Visconti clan.
Sorry, can I turn this up?
He is now being investigated on suspicion
of laundering millions of euros
TOP MEMBERS
OF VISCONTI CLAN ARRESTED
and involvement in over 20 murder cases.
Investigators seized numerous documents
relating to payment transactions.
Mr. Armand, I am so sorry!
Maiwald. Chief Prosecutor.
It was all a massive communication error.
This anonymous tip came in:
Money laundering via online casinos
and poker websites.
Your company pops up
as the payment platform.
I tell my colleague, "Issue a summons
for a small irregularity."
And he types it in the system.
But we had a software update
and all the processing numbers changed.
He types... Thanks.
So he types in E807
instead of J807, or whatever,
and instead of getting a nice letter,
you get led away with sirens and handcuffs
and thrown in detention.
Oh! Ms. Maiwald, these things happen.
A little adventure is good
once in a while.
They all must be congratulating you
on your IPO. You'll get these right back.
But as long as you're here...
You don't happen to know
Mr. Umberto Visconti?
He has accounts with CableCash.
Look.
Here are his bank statements.
Ah that's funny.
These are old Networth accounts.
When sifting out the accounts
we must've overlooked the Biscotti--
-Visconti.
-Visconti accounts, yes.
We don't know our customers personally.
We only offer a platform.
ONLINE GAMBLING
Of course. These mistakes happen.
Coffee?
Well, digitization is
incredibly complicated.
I should go.
If someone finds out the DA's office
is rounding up random people in handcuffs
because of a software update,
it might unsettle some people.
Especially when it's important people
from a reputable German company.
You guys are like the "rock stars"
of the startup world, aren't you?
Look.
These people's business is extortion,
fraud, money laundering.
The mafia, I mean.
The Visconti clan
has committed 26 murders.
In the last six years. You don't want
to be associated with them.
Those would be serious accusations
with no clear evidence, don't you think?
Yes, as I said,
nothing like this will happen again.
Unless we have clear evidence.
-Ah!
-I said, not a word until I'm here.
Article 136, Paragraph 1,
Code of Criminal Procedure? Familiar?
Oh, that's for people
who have committed real crimes.
The Visconti accounts
will be frozen immediately.
Yes. They'll be flash-frozen.
Arctic temperatures.
A real ice age!
No cent will flow through them,
Ms. Maiwald.
No worries!
Felix, if this boils over,
then our IPO was just a short field trip.
We'll find a solution for their money.
I haven't reached Magnus
since last night.
He's probably already with them,
drinking Lambrusco.
Fucking mafia! Give them an inch,
they take a mile.
Let's go.
They're a big client of ours, and sometimes
they want to talk directly with the boss.
Want one? It's gonna be a long day.
Not for me.
I have a history with that stuff.
It's modafinil, for narcolepsy.
It's medicine. Helps with anxiety.
Sure, and then I'll be hooked again.
That's why I didn't finish school.
Sounds like an excuse.
Yeah, okay.
It was the wrong people
I was hanging around with.
Now you're hanging with the right ones.
Am I?
What do you mean?
Am I with the good guys here?
I just want to know.
It's not a moral question.
Of course we're the good guys!
Hello, children.
I am CableCash.
Grandma! Someone from Germany is here!
Thanks.
Ah, Felice! The other CEO.
Uh... no, no, no!
I am COO
Only "O.O."
Something like the boss's right hand.
Felix!
It's your fault our boss is gone,
so now we're getting rid of yours.
We'll make this simple.
Last words?
-Hmm?
-He's as much the boss as me.
You'll have to shoot us both.
Don't you agree that he deserves to die?
With how much he talks? Sh!
Works for me.
What?
I'll do just fine without my boss.
Unlike you.
I mean, sorry, but you can tell
the head is missing around here.
And now you're just doing
what you've seen in old mob movies.
Shooting people, laundering money
in pizzerias and ice cream parlors.
Like the old days, huh?
But back then, the exchange rate
was still one to four,
so you got a clean 25 cents
for every dirty euro.
Now the exchange rate is what?
One to ten?
What's that mean?
Ten cents!
Yes, exactly. Ten cents. Very good.
He gets it.
Someday there won't be
any cash at all anymore.
Then all of this will just be garbage.
Digitization isn't gonna stop
for the mafia.
Online casinos were just the beginning.
What you need is a clean,
German, publicly traded company
with a banking license
to launder for you.
We grow every quarter by 30%.
What does that come to annually?
Does anyone know?
Hm? Go ahead.
-Double!
-Even more!
Each year we grow by more than double.
And if this keeps up,
we'll be on the DAX.
Last week alone we signed
300 new customers to contracts.
I'm not talking about random consumers
like with PayPal.
No. It's all B2B.
Legitimate customers with a few
extra transactions in their accounts.
Just a click!
You know?
Money laundering 2.0.
I mean, look around.
Only when Umberto gets out of jail,
only when the last ice cream parlor
refuses to take your money,
only when your children cry out hungry
because you can't eat cash...
Only then... Only then...
Only then will you understand
it was the biggest mistake of your life
to kill the boss of your bank,
of all people.
Sascha, give her the gun.
Magnus, nothing happened.
-You're all right.
-Everything's fine.
-Take a sip.
-Drink a coffee. Go on. There.
As I said, the money will be in your
account by the day after tomorrow.
Good.
Ah! Give me your phone number.
Ah! Ok.
I knew we had chemistry.
If there is a problem,
I can call you directly.
0-0-4-9
1-5-1
5-6-4-3-7-0-7-4.
-Good.
-I'll call you now.
Oh!
Wrong number.
Strange. That's--
You have one more try.
Magnus. Come here!
Magnus! Sit down.
Sit!
Whoa! Nobody can take that from me.
That I got through that.
I bathed in steel.
Dr. Cramer is indestructible!
Successful IPO
and surviving the mafia
all in fewer than 24 hours, Felice.
And what's this?
Four pages on the CableCash genius?
The German Elon Musk?
Magnus! If we seek the spotlight now,
CableCash is done for.
Everyone has us in their sights.
The press, the government,
the fucking DA's office.
They all have their eyes on us.
Listen here, my friend.
Because I shine
they're all blinded.
Ah, I need to piss.
How did Cramer go it alone
to become the poster-CEO?
According to him,
"By going out and getting it."
Magnus, I just promised
the mafia 300 new customers,
and not a single one of them exists!
If I don't figure this out,
they'll kill me.
Oh my God!
Where will I find 300 legit businesses
who want to work with us?
The customers will come.
We have a top-notch product.
Our product is full of security gaps!
That's what I should be taking care of.
The whole world is full of security gaps.
What does that even mean?
We're on the big stage now.
No one looks behind the curtain.
-Look, Maletzki got us into the Forum.
-Ah!
Why is your hand so wet?
Global Economic Forum, Geneva.
Heard of it?
Yeah? Heard of it?
The Global Economic Forum
in Geneva is Moneypalooza.
It's where go-to guys, has-beens
and newcomers meet up.
If you want to prove your startup
is more than just hot air,
Geneva's the place to be.
If you get to speak here, you've made it.
Felix, we've made it!
Too big to fail.
Have you lost it, Magnus?
What are we going to say there?
Should I cancel?
So that I'm not in the spotlight?
Do I detect envy?
It doesn't suit you.
It makes you unlikeable.
You better go and take care
of the new customers.
Okay, everyone listen up!
Everyone get up and come with me, please.
Everyone get up and come here!
Our good IPO is no reason
to lean back and relax now.
The investors expect results.
Here, new customer acquisition scripts.
I am expecting from you
three hundred new customer contracts
in the next two days.
What, how?
Felix, how should we do that?
Hello there,
this is Felix Armand from CableCash.
We don't need one big customer,
we need to penetrate the entire market.
We're going for small businesses:
bookstores, bakeries, nail salons.
I was wondering if you've transitioned to
digital payment yet?
Well, I don't think we need that.
We have to make it clear to them
that cash is vanishing.
Switch to digital payment now
or you'll be history in a few years.
I know it'll be hard.
We're not all sales geniuses like Alexis.
But if we push ourselves
and work together,
we can achieve everything!
CableCash is there for you!
CableCash needs you now!
So let's go get those customers!
You may not realize it yet,
but today over half your products
are sold online.
You want to be a modern company.
No one stashes wads of money
in a safe anymore.
Do we have a deal?
Mr. Armand,
I'll be totally frank with you.
We don't need it.
My customers like to pay cash.
Uh... Okay. Okay. No problem.
Have a lovely day.
Shit!
Ma'am, your card doesn't work.
I know, I know. Thank you.
Bye.
-Next time.
-You'll get the next one.
Despite an already fantastic IPO,
CableCash's stock seems to be
only really taking off now.
Fund managers across Europe
are scrambling to buy.
Now we'll have to wait and see
if the market newcomer
can meet the immense expectations
when it presents its Q1 figures.
Where's my money?
If it's not in the account soon,
I'm cutting off your fingers.
One after the other. Got it?
Signora Visconti, I understand your anger.
I'll go straight to IT.
I'm sure it's just a technical hiccup.
It'll be solved by the end of the week.
I'm very sorry.
Hey, Mahatma.
Jutta! What are you doing here?
Felix! Good of you to come.
Felix. Shoes.
Yeah, um...
Magnus, we have...
We have a little problem.
I always say,
as long as you can solve it without
killing anyone, it's not a problem.
-I'm not so sure about that.
-Seems to be going well for you.
Magnus already told me the good news.
Your own panel at the Forum in Geneva.
Kudos!
Crazy, isn't it?
In the past, I would've... Oh.
In the past
I'd have done anything for it,
but now I have better things to do than
jump up and down for the world's elite.
Yes. It only makes sense
to present there
if you have something big to announce.
I've seen companies go under there.
We have the numbers in hand. Right?
Since the federal contract,
at the very latest.
We turned that down.
-You...
-Yes, my analysts did the math.
It ends up costing you money.
State offices currently bill
about seven passports per week digitally.
Nationwide. Cash is king in Germany.
Survival in digital payment is only
possible for the largest provider.
But who am I telling this to?
Don't look at me like that.
Deutsche Bank doesn't expect you
to survive the quarter.
The Forum, hogwash.
You have nothing to present!
Before you ruin the ratings for all of us
and crash out,
we want to offer to buy you out.
If you negotiate well,
there'd even be a position for you.
Chief of Digital & Innovation
or something.
For Felix I'm sure
we'll find something in IT.
Tell me, Jutta.
Do you think we're for sale?
Do you think we do this
just for the money?
Magnus. This is the best thing
that could happen to you.
In Geneva at the latest everyone will see
you're just two pompous windbags
without a single legitimate customer.
Felix, tell her.
What should I tell her?
Three hundred new customers since IPO.
In just two weeks, Jutta.
We have by far
the best product on the market.
Not a single security gap.
Thirty percent growth
in just one quarter!
And in one year
we'll be listed on the DAX.
And then...
we'll be buying you.
Come now, Mahatma.
We should give Felix
craniosacral therapy.
Give me a minute.
If Katz goes public with this
we'll be in the spotlight again!
What do you have against the spotlight?
The Mafia is opposed to the spotlight.
For the last two days
I've called every last company
and only got 12 new contracts.
That's not enough
to get Visconti her money,
let alone to present
made-up figures for the Forum!
And you brag to Katz
about sales we don't even have?
You did it with Visconti.
To save your life!
Ah, just when you couldn't
go any lower...
Magnus, it's the Mafia. They'll kill us,
and that's the end of CableCash.
Although the last thing is irrelevant,
we'll be dead!
Felix, you're getting a bit paranoid.
Relax, since the stock started going up
we've got plenty of money.
Just invent the companies and we're good.
Just invent the companies?
Maybe your geomancer
can shit some out for us!
You didn't forget the housewarming party
this weekend, right?
Don't forget your swim trunks.
Frank, you coming too? Six o'clock.
Mahatma!
The moon won't wait for us.
Better do me, you can't make my daughter
any more beautiful anyway.
-Done?
-Yes, good.
...in three, two, one...
HOW TO PICK 'EM
Welcome to How to Pick 'Em.
Today I'd like to present
a very special straw to you
by the artist Lukas Müller.
Now let's ask the burning question,
what is this straw worth?
As always, the golden rule is:
it's worth what someone is willing
to pay for it.
-Christian, you asshole!
-Yes, but our viewers--
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
I know the icing is a bit much,
but this is a bit of a passion of mine.
-I'm your new neighbor.
-I know exactly who you are.
Oh, yeah?
The dickhead from Glamy magazine.
We... We're having
a little housewarming party.
Don't think you can show up
with your Internet money
and play with the big boys.
We don't like parvenus around here.
Know what happens to people
who get lucky once?
The next time they're out of luck.
-Um... my wife and I...
-Now go home.
And stick your dick
in the cake while it's still warm.
Hello!
Hello, neighbor.
I have this cake here.
We're having a little housewarming party.
Maybe you want to come.
Aren't you the dude from CableCash?
You're still here.
I was just telling Sammy
how nice it'd be if Felix came home
because he could really ruin the mood.
I have other problems right now.
You're killing yourself to please
some boring dude.
It didn't work with Dad or our brother.
I do it to earn money,
not to please anyone.
You're always out to please.
-Yeah?
-Mm-hmm. Sorry.
Who knows?
Maybe you've grown up
and are just as capitalist
as the people
you protested against at 16.
Yeah, sure. You know what?
There are only three options.
A, you let capitalism fuck you,
like most people.
B, you fuck capitalism, like me.
Or C, you act as if
it doesn't affect you.
But, if you choose C,
you'd really have to buy a tent.
No, you can't buy one.
You have to find a tent. A used--
Although that won't work either.
No, no.
You'd have to strangle a wild cow
with your bare hands,
skin it, make a tent out of it
and walk into the desert with it.
Then you can hold a mirror up to me.
I don't mean the Villeroy & Boch mirror
in my bathroom
you use when you put
your eyeliner under your eyes.
Eyeliner goes above your eyes.
Sure.
And tomorrow you're really gone!
You’re probably overthinking it.
Everyone wants money.
And you got money.
Perhaps you don’t need 300 new customers,
but one large-scale investor who doesn’t
wonder about getting her returns in cash.
But perhaps you should find out first
if you can really trust her.
HELLO AMIRA, SHALL WE MEET
IN PERSON TOMORROW
TO DISCUSS POTENTIAL INVESTMENT?
This installation is called "The Market."
He's playing the stock market.
He's still causing trouble.
Maybe we will have to sedate him.
The digital payment sector
is oversaturated.
PayPal, Deutsche Bank, Alipay.
All that leaves CableCash is customers
unwilling to follow big providers' rules.
Pornography, illegal gambling,
those types.
It looks like a legit startup bank but
it's actually an online bank for criminals.
I'm on the cusp of proving it.
At it alone for the first time,
and you already think
you're the Erin Brockovich
of hedge fund managers.
Focus on finding
a long-term career instead.
A hit here, a flop there.
With a bit of luck
you might become Julia Roberts.
We need to invest
at least double... at least.
We need to make it worthwhile.
I'll give you four times as much.
But if you're wrong on this,
you're paying the difference
out of your pocket.
That would be five million euros.
I don't have that.
You must have rich parents,
like everyone in this business.
This isn't Amira Wallace,
and she doesn't have rich parents.
But when she tells
her "Nigerian-investor-father" story,
no one asks questions.
Her real name is Sheila Williams
and she likes to stick
her middle finger up assholes' asses.
Sheila is a short seller.
Short selling is about
the riskiest move on the market.
Imagine it like this...
She bets money on failures
no one expects.
Like Germany losing to England in soccer.
But then if it does happen,
she gets very rich.
The less likely the event,
the higher the profit margin.
For example, in January 1986 this man
bet that the Challenger would explode
less than two minutes after takeoff
and all the astronauts would die.
Maybe it's not very ethical,
but now he owns
the island next to Jeffrey Epstein's.
So he is still able to
look down on someone.
You can bet your money on almost anything.
If you don't have any money,
you have to borrow some.
Then you just have to find someone
to take the bet.
And what do you envision?
I sell at 25 at the end of the quarter.
That means I get 50 million from you
for the stock portfolio.
This is a very tempting offer for us.
Are you sure you want
to bet so much against CableCash?
I mean, it's crazy.
I've done this before,
so if you're not interested, fine.
We have a meeting at 2:00 p.m.
with another hedge fund.
Maybe they have smarter people.
May I?
Gladly.
-Here you are.
-Thank you very much.
The stock will probably quintuple
in two months
due to bullish investors
like you driving it up.
But as you're celebrating
the healthy P/E ratio,
I'll have enough evidence to show
the whole business is full of shit.
By end of quarter, the stock
will drop to two euros.
Thanks for the invite.
I have an investor,
I have the bankers, and an insider.
Now I just need someone
to publish my research.
That's market manipulation.
People go to jail for that.
I get info from you,
it's market manipulation.
You get information from me,
it's journalism, right?
This is front-page stuff.
It'll get you a government medal.
I'm so close to Armand.
If you want to defeat the beast,
you have to grab the talking candlestick.
If I meet him twice more
he'll spill his guts.
Don't underestimate him.
We have to kill them
before they get too big.
Preferably in the first quarter.
That's kind of your thing, huh?
Killing things in the first quarter.
That was a clump of cells.
Wow!
Yeah.
Now I remember
why it was mainly your body I liked.
I'll leave this here, yeah?
Maybe it'll help you find "badass Tom,"
from the old days, you know?
The guy who wanted more
than playground moms swooning over him.
Look at it.
I have to go meet the talking candlestick.
-Good evening. Hello.
-Hi.
-Hey.
-I didn't think you'd come.
-Why? Do you think I'm a liar?
-No.
I figured you had lots to do at work.
I'm sure every week
a new problem pops up.
Sure.
Cool place.
Totally.
But before we talk
about the investment...
The real reason I wanted to meet.
Okay?
Come on, everyone has a song
they can sing at a karaoke bar.
Okay. Um...
There. "My Way."
Seriously?
-Okay.
-I can do it.
Yeah? Bold!
Why? Because Sinatra
worked for the Mafia?
No, haven't you heard of
the "My Way Killings"?
-The "My Way Killings"?
-"My Way Killings." Yes.
Between 2002 and 2012,
at least six people were killed
in the Philippines
for singing "My Way" at karaoke bars.
I think one was even shot on stage.
But, hey, it's your decision.
-Ah!
-Great song.
I'm doing it. I can do it.
-You got this.
-I'll pee first.
Because I've read
that you pee your pants when you die.
-That'd be pretty embarrassing for me.
-Me too.
Okay, I'm so incredibly sorry.
I talked to IT.
Everything will work again on Monday.
Monday, I swear.
Everything's good. No problem!
People, I...
We can talk normally with each other.
We're not criminals.
Or are you?
Fabian? Till?
Tell me who I'm dealing with!
Is this about the offer? Or...
is it another EDP system error?
These are not methods
German law enforcement can use
against upstanding taxpayers, okay?
And I pay a load of taxes!
I want to say that.
I pay a load of taxes, okay?
Are you a complete bonehead?
I had to tell you something,
and kidnapping you was the only way.
What do you want from me?
You never believed
I'd make it to the secret service.
Congratulations, I believe you!
And data, of course.
But nothing else.
-What data?
-Customer data.
Come on.
I know you collect a lot of data.
Who buys sex online from Banana-Milf?
Who does business with the Mafia?
Felix, whatever you have.
It's impossible
to get anything in Germany.
Data privacy, such nonsense.
This is a country of scaredy-pants.
Why do you want the data?
Let us worry about that.
You help us and we'll help you.
-Kunkelmann Tire Service?
-Yeah.
If things get dicey.
Or if you have someone
who urgently needs their tires changed.
-If you know what I mean.
-I have no idea what you mean.
If I need help, then it's not
from the Austrian secret service. Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
A tip, Felix.
Always be careful
when you accept drinks from people.
-It may have Novichok in it.
-You're such clowns.
-Goodbye.
-What?
-I want to get out.
-Yeah?
Go ahead.
I can't. The door is shut.
-I want to get out.
-Yeah, come on.
I swear, I'm going to start screaming.
Help!
Magda?
JUST POPPED OUT
TO STRANGLE THE WILD COW -MAGDA
CRISIS MEETING IN THE SEX MINISTRY
I'm not convinced by your idea.
Do you maybe have
any better arguments for me?
That's what I was thinking.
Oh, Maletzki!
Maletzki, yeah!
So? Another shitty workday?
That was awkward for both of us.
Why are you here?
I thought you two took off.
Next time you can maybe
shut the door or something.
-Where is your mother?
-Sorting something out.
She said it'd be fun to play daddy.
No. No, no, no.
Sammy. Sammy.
Do you know how many different roles
I have to play every day?
For my boss?
For customers? For the employees?
For the public prosecutor
and the fucking Italian mafia?
I can't take care of you too, Sammy!
Magda said I should look after you a bit.
Here. Enjoy.
Oh, and do you know what?
Sometimes it helps to picture
everyone having to play different roles.
The public prosecutor isn't just that.
She could be a wife,
or maybe even a mother.
And your employees are someone else
when they're not your employees.
Stop whining so much.
Probably he’s right.
You search half the world for
new customers
yet they are right under your nose.
Alex, we need to establish a few companies.
-What? Two or three?
-No, way more.
As long as we register all the companies
and pay tax on the revenue,
no one will take a closer look.
Meeting, now.
-Now.
-Hey! Felix!
Small conference room.
-Now?
-Now.
And if you can trust anyone,
it should be your own family.
MEETING! NOW!
In the end
everyone gets something out of it.
Visconti has clean money in her account,
CableCash has solid growth in their books
and the employees get a little commission.
Even Magnus will
understand that it’s better not to
put yourself in the spotlight
with made-up customers.
DEAR MRS. VISCONTI,
THE MONEY IS ON ITS WAY. CIAO, FELICE
Magnus!
Felice.
Prego!
Look here, the Immendorff monkeys.
I think of the two of us
when I look at them.
Magnus, I have the plan
to launder the Visconti money.
-Basically--
-Well?
Hi!
Bragging about your monkeys again?
-Let him hold the boy.
-Hi.
Amazing how innocent they look.
Hard to believe
what assholes they can become.
But only 50 percent of it is genes.
The rest is upbringing.
What kind of plan?
Look out there. What do you see?
Our crazy employees.
Yes, but that's just one role.
They all have second jobs.
Stephanie, for instance,
has a flower shop now.
Von Aachen sells
self-crocheted scarves on Etsy.
Schulz sells potato salad.
Tons of it.
Tons!
It perishes fast,
so it's hard for the tax office to check.
The geomancer,
Mahatma,
makes wedding cakes.
Ali, his wife, his two kids
and his in-laws
all sell flowers.
Also very perishable.
The whole town they're from,
and Steffi's soccer team,
have all recently become online florists.
In the last 24 hours Alex has drafted
contracts for all of them.
That means, 210 new CableCash customers,
with upward trending sales.
Not figures for the Forum,
but at least the mafia won't kill us.
See? It works.
Yes, yes, yes!
Filius, eh?
Who didn't believe again, my friend?
Ariane?
Ariane!
That's Rooz.
That's Rooz!
Hi.
He's his neighbor.
He's worth 50 million euros, man!
What's the matter?
-Take it or don't!
-Do it.
Go. You want to be part of the family.
Lücki! Lücki! Lücki!
ALEXIS:
DID YOU SEE THIS?
Whether the success can continue,
here the experts are not in agreement.
The biggest competitor, Deutsche Bank,
expressed doubts today.
I am skeptical about CableCash
being able to achieve
the 30% first-quarter growth
they have announced internally.
But if I am correctly informed,
they'll soon present details themselves.
Maybe at the Global Economic Forum
in Geneva.
What's she saying?
-Cunt!
-Thank you for the chat.
30 PERCENT GROWTH AT CABLECASH
TO BE ANNOUNCED AT THE FORUM
Felix, come with me!
We have a problem.
I solved all our problems, Alex.
Have you seen it?
It's the perfect solution!
Money comes in,
and I talked Magnus
out of the damn Forum.
-It's all good!
-So, people, change of plans.
The world thinks we're growing by 30%,
so we'll grow by 30%.
Boom!
What?
-Felix, I'll explain something to you.
-Okay.
VW, Daimler, BMW, each day and night,
they build thousands of cars.
Tesla is worth more
than them all put together,
even though they've barely
delivered anything.
Investors give them money because they
believe they'll deliver in five years.
So we borrow money from investors and
they get it back when we have success.
Magnus, that's nonsense!
Our product is totally different.
Screw the product, Felix!
The stock is our product!
Give the investors what they want!
Didn't you see the--?
Has he not seen the video?
Jutta Katz said on the news
that we'll grow by 30%.
Thirty!
-Oh, God!
-You know what?
We need a big stage
with such a big spotlight
so everyone watching says, "That guy
has to be telling the truth."
Any idea where we can get that?
Huh?
You need very good contacts in politics
to get such a big stage.
And we have that!
Everyone, listen up!
Rooz, turn off the damn music!
So...
Who here thought that
Deutsche Bank couldn't be trusted?
Listen up now.
We didn't want you to hear about
our growth figures from the press.
But it is...
30%!
That's not all!
These incredible figures deserve
the biggest stage possible.
Pack your bags, everyone,
we're going...
to... the Forum!
Let me hear you!
---
A NETFLIX SERIES
I know what you're thinking.
CableCash, what an awesome company!
But it used to be very different.
CableCash's predecessor
was called Networth.
Founder Jutta Katz wanted to offer
New Economy pioneers
an uncomplicated online payment option.
Unfortunately, their products were mostly
porn, gambling and ringtones.
But the technology behind it,
was so innovative
that Deutsche Bank hired
two dubious consultants
to buy the company.
Networth's software is the most advanced
digital payment application worldwide,
but digital payment will not replace
traditional payment methods.
Continue, Magnus. Next slide.
This is the only one we have.
Well, that's exactly why Networth needs
a strong partner like Deutsche Bank.
Believe me, I know what I'm saying.
I could use a strong partner too,
right Mr. Cramer?
Well... Congratulations, Mrs. Katz!
The sale will make you very rich
and Deutsche Bank very happy.
And you, did you fall asleep?
Or why are you keeping so still?
No, I just think in a few years
cash will be gone completely
and Networth will be just fine
without Deutsche Bank's Nazi money.
I have to apologize.
Our IT specialist,
as you can tell
by the healthy basement tan.
Here's one.
Why needn't you worry
about a programmer
giving his friends financial advice?
Because he has no friends!
The sale fell through.
Networth went bankrupt
and was bought for one euro
by-- Wait for it!
Magnus Cramer and Felix Armand.
A rebranding campaign was launched
to clean up the company's smutty image.
Still, CableCash is repeatedly confronted
with its sketchy past.
...MONEY LAUNDERING
But, let's be honest,
no German company has ever made it
to the top without a sketchy past.
Great.
Last week you thought your face
would be all over today's news.
Now you're sitting in jail.
Great IPO, Felix.
COO of CableCash.
Hopefully they didn't bust the mafia
because of the fucking Hermann brothers,
or else you'll have much bigger problems.
...searched
and arrested several suspects.
Including the head
of the infamous Visconti clan.
Sorry, can I turn this up?
He is now being investigated on suspicion
of laundering millions of euros
TOP MEMBERS
OF VISCONTI CLAN ARRESTED
and involvement in over 20 murder cases.
Investigators seized numerous documents
relating to payment transactions.
Mr. Armand, I am so sorry!
Maiwald. Chief Prosecutor.
It was all a massive communication error.
This anonymous tip came in:
Money laundering via online casinos
and poker websites.
Your company pops up
as the payment platform.
I tell my colleague, "Issue a summons
for a small irregularity."
And he types it in the system.
But we had a software update
and all the processing numbers changed.
He types... Thanks.
So he types in E807
instead of J807, or whatever,
and instead of getting a nice letter,
you get led away with sirens and handcuffs
and thrown in detention.
Oh! Ms. Maiwald, these things happen.
A little adventure is good
once in a while.
They all must be congratulating you
on your IPO. You'll get these right back.
But as long as you're here...
You don't happen to know
Mr. Umberto Visconti?
He has accounts with CableCash.
Look.
Here are his bank statements.
Ah that's funny.
These are old Networth accounts.
When sifting out the accounts
we must've overlooked the Biscotti--
-Visconti.
-Visconti accounts, yes.
We don't know our customers personally.
We only offer a platform.
ONLINE GAMBLING
Of course. These mistakes happen.
Coffee?
Well, digitization is
incredibly complicated.
I should go.
If someone finds out the DA's office
is rounding up random people in handcuffs
because of a software update,
it might unsettle some people.
Especially when it's important people
from a reputable German company.
You guys are like the "rock stars"
of the startup world, aren't you?
Look.
These people's business is extortion,
fraud, money laundering.
The mafia, I mean.
The Visconti clan
has committed 26 murders.
In the last six years. You don't want
to be associated with them.
Those would be serious accusations
with no clear evidence, don't you think?
Yes, as I said,
nothing like this will happen again.
Unless we have clear evidence.
-Ah!
-I said, not a word until I'm here.
Article 136, Paragraph 1,
Code of Criminal Procedure? Familiar?
Oh, that's for people
who have committed real crimes.
The Visconti accounts
will be frozen immediately.
Yes. They'll be flash-frozen.
Arctic temperatures.
A real ice age!
No cent will flow through them,
Ms. Maiwald.
No worries!
Felix, if this boils over,
then our IPO was just a short field trip.
We'll find a solution for their money.
I haven't reached Magnus
since last night.
He's probably already with them,
drinking Lambrusco.
Fucking mafia! Give them an inch,
they take a mile.
Let's go.
They're a big client of ours, and sometimes
they want to talk directly with the boss.
Want one? It's gonna be a long day.
Not for me.
I have a history with that stuff.
It's modafinil, for narcolepsy.
It's medicine. Helps with anxiety.
Sure, and then I'll be hooked again.
That's why I didn't finish school.
Sounds like an excuse.
Yeah, okay.
It was the wrong people
I was hanging around with.
Now you're hanging with the right ones.
Am I?
What do you mean?
Am I with the good guys here?
I just want to know.
It's not a moral question.
Of course we're the good guys!
Hello, children.
I am CableCash.
Grandma! Someone from Germany is here!
Thanks.
Ah, Felice! The other CEO.
Uh... no, no, no!
I am COO
Only "O.O."
Something like the boss's right hand.
Felix!
It's your fault our boss is gone,
so now we're getting rid of yours.
We'll make this simple.
Last words?
-Hmm?
-He's as much the boss as me.
You'll have to shoot us both.
Don't you agree that he deserves to die?
With how much he talks? Sh!
Works for me.
What?
I'll do just fine without my boss.
Unlike you.
I mean, sorry, but you can tell
the head is missing around here.
And now you're just doing
what you've seen in old mob movies.
Shooting people, laundering money
in pizzerias and ice cream parlors.
Like the old days, huh?
But back then, the exchange rate
was still one to four,
so you got a clean 25 cents
for every dirty euro.
Now the exchange rate is what?
One to ten?
What's that mean?
Ten cents!
Yes, exactly. Ten cents. Very good.
He gets it.
Someday there won't be
any cash at all anymore.
Then all of this will just be garbage.
Digitization isn't gonna stop
for the mafia.
Online casinos were just the beginning.
What you need is a clean,
German, publicly traded company
with a banking license
to launder for you.
We grow every quarter by 30%.
What does that come to annually?
Does anyone know?
Hm? Go ahead.
-Double!
-Even more!
Each year we grow by more than double.
And if this keeps up,
we'll be on the DAX.
Last week alone we signed
300 new customers to contracts.
I'm not talking about random consumers
like with PayPal.
No. It's all B2B.
Legitimate customers with a few
extra transactions in their accounts.
Just a click!
You know?
Money laundering 2.0.
I mean, look around.
Only when Umberto gets out of jail,
only when the last ice cream parlor
refuses to take your money,
only when your children cry out hungry
because you can't eat cash...
Only then... Only then...
Only then will you understand
it was the biggest mistake of your life
to kill the boss of your bank,
of all people.
Sascha, give her the gun.
Magnus, nothing happened.
-You're all right.
-Everything's fine.
-Take a sip.
-Drink a coffee. Go on. There.
As I said, the money will be in your
account by the day after tomorrow.
Good.
Ah! Give me your phone number.
Ah! Ok.
I knew we had chemistry.
If there is a problem,
I can call you directly.
0-0-4-9
1-5-1
5-6-4-3-7-0-7-4.
-Good.
-I'll call you now.
Oh!
Wrong number.
Strange. That's--
You have one more try.
Magnus. Come here!
Magnus! Sit down.
Sit!
Whoa! Nobody can take that from me.
That I got through that.
I bathed in steel.
Dr. Cramer is indestructible!
Successful IPO
and surviving the mafia
all in fewer than 24 hours, Felice.
And what's this?
Four pages on the CableCash genius?
The German Elon Musk?
Magnus! If we seek the spotlight now,
CableCash is done for.
Everyone has us in their sights.
The press, the government,
the fucking DA's office.
They all have their eyes on us.
Listen here, my friend.
Because I shine
they're all blinded.
Ah, I need to piss.
How did Cramer go it alone
to become the poster-CEO?
According to him,
"By going out and getting it."
Magnus, I just promised
the mafia 300 new customers,
and not a single one of them exists!
If I don't figure this out,
they'll kill me.
Oh my God!
Where will I find 300 legit businesses
who want to work with us?
The customers will come.
We have a top-notch product.
Our product is full of security gaps!
That's what I should be taking care of.
The whole world is full of security gaps.
What does that even mean?
We're on the big stage now.
No one looks behind the curtain.
-Look, Maletzki got us into the Forum.
-Ah!
Why is your hand so wet?
Global Economic Forum, Geneva.
Heard of it?
Yeah? Heard of it?
The Global Economic Forum
in Geneva is Moneypalooza.
It's where go-to guys, has-beens
and newcomers meet up.
If you want to prove your startup
is more than just hot air,
Geneva's the place to be.
If you get to speak here, you've made it.
Felix, we've made it!
Too big to fail.
Have you lost it, Magnus?
What are we going to say there?
Should I cancel?
So that I'm not in the spotlight?
Do I detect envy?
It doesn't suit you.
It makes you unlikeable.
You better go and take care
of the new customers.
Okay, everyone listen up!
Everyone get up and come with me, please.
Everyone get up and come here!
Our good IPO is no reason
to lean back and relax now.
The investors expect results.
Here, new customer acquisition scripts.
I am expecting from you
three hundred new customer contracts
in the next two days.
What, how?
Felix, how should we do that?
Hello there,
this is Felix Armand from CableCash.
We don't need one big customer,
we need to penetrate the entire market.
We're going for small businesses:
bookstores, bakeries, nail salons.
I was wondering if you've transitioned to
digital payment yet?
Well, I don't think we need that.
We have to make it clear to them
that cash is vanishing.
Switch to digital payment now
or you'll be history in a few years.
I know it'll be hard.
We're not all sales geniuses like Alexis.
But if we push ourselves
and work together,
we can achieve everything!
CableCash is there for you!
CableCash needs you now!
So let's go get those customers!
You may not realize it yet,
but today over half your products
are sold online.
You want to be a modern company.
No one stashes wads of money
in a safe anymore.
Do we have a deal?
Mr. Armand,
I'll be totally frank with you.
We don't need it.
My customers like to pay cash.
Uh... Okay. Okay. No problem.
Have a lovely day.
Shit!
Ma'am, your card doesn't work.
I know, I know. Thank you.
Bye.
-Next time.
-You'll get the next one.
Despite an already fantastic IPO,
CableCash's stock seems to be
only really taking off now.
Fund managers across Europe
are scrambling to buy.
Now we'll have to wait and see
if the market newcomer
can meet the immense expectations
when it presents its Q1 figures.
Where's my money?
If it's not in the account soon,
I'm cutting off your fingers.
One after the other. Got it?
Signora Visconti, I understand your anger.
I'll go straight to IT.
I'm sure it's just a technical hiccup.
It'll be solved by the end of the week.
I'm very sorry.
Hey, Mahatma.
Jutta! What are you doing here?
Felix! Good of you to come.
Felix. Shoes.
Yeah, um...
Magnus, we have...
We have a little problem.
I always say,
as long as you can solve it without
killing anyone, it's not a problem.
-I'm not so sure about that.
-Seems to be going well for you.
Magnus already told me the good news.
Your own panel at the Forum in Geneva.
Kudos!
Crazy, isn't it?
In the past, I would've... Oh.
In the past
I'd have done anything for it,
but now I have better things to do than
jump up and down for the world's elite.
Yes. It only makes sense
to present there
if you have something big to announce.
I've seen companies go under there.
We have the numbers in hand. Right?
Since the federal contract,
at the very latest.
We turned that down.
-You...
-Yes, my analysts did the math.
It ends up costing you money.
State offices currently bill
about seven passports per week digitally.
Nationwide. Cash is king in Germany.
Survival in digital payment is only
possible for the largest provider.
But who am I telling this to?
Don't look at me like that.
Deutsche Bank doesn't expect you
to survive the quarter.
The Forum, hogwash.
You have nothing to present!
Before you ruin the ratings for all of us
and crash out,
we want to offer to buy you out.
If you negotiate well,
there'd even be a position for you.
Chief of Digital & Innovation
or something.
For Felix I'm sure
we'll find something in IT.
Tell me, Jutta.
Do you think we're for sale?
Do you think we do this
just for the money?
Magnus. This is the best thing
that could happen to you.
In Geneva at the latest everyone will see
you're just two pompous windbags
without a single legitimate customer.
Felix, tell her.
What should I tell her?
Three hundred new customers since IPO.
In just two weeks, Jutta.
We have by far
the best product on the market.
Not a single security gap.
Thirty percent growth
in just one quarter!
And in one year
we'll be listed on the DAX.
And then...
we'll be buying you.
Come now, Mahatma.
We should give Felix
craniosacral therapy.
Give me a minute.
If Katz goes public with this
we'll be in the spotlight again!
What do you have against the spotlight?
The Mafia is opposed to the spotlight.
For the last two days
I've called every last company
and only got 12 new contracts.
That's not enough
to get Visconti her money,
let alone to present
made-up figures for the Forum!
And you brag to Katz
about sales we don't even have?
You did it with Visconti.
To save your life!
Ah, just when you couldn't
go any lower...
Magnus, it's the Mafia. They'll kill us,
and that's the end of CableCash.
Although the last thing is irrelevant,
we'll be dead!
Felix, you're getting a bit paranoid.
Relax, since the stock started going up
we've got plenty of money.
Just invent the companies and we're good.
Just invent the companies?
Maybe your geomancer
can shit some out for us!
You didn't forget the housewarming party
this weekend, right?
Don't forget your swim trunks.
Frank, you coming too? Six o'clock.
Mahatma!
The moon won't wait for us.
Better do me, you can't make my daughter
any more beautiful anyway.
-Done?
-Yes, good.
...in three, two, one...
HOW TO PICK 'EM
Welcome to How to Pick 'Em.
Today I'd like to present
a very special straw to you
by the artist Lukas Müller.
Now let's ask the burning question,
what is this straw worth?
As always, the golden rule is:
it's worth what someone is willing
to pay for it.
-Christian, you asshole!
-Yes, but our viewers--
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
I know the icing is a bit much,
but this is a bit of a passion of mine.
-I'm your new neighbor.
-I know exactly who you are.
Oh, yeah?
The dickhead from Glamy magazine.
We... We're having
a little housewarming party.
Don't think you can show up
with your Internet money
and play with the big boys.
We don't like parvenus around here.
Know what happens to people
who get lucky once?
The next time they're out of luck.
-Um... my wife and I...
-Now go home.
And stick your dick
in the cake while it's still warm.
Hello!
Hello, neighbor.
I have this cake here.
We're having a little housewarming party.
Maybe you want to come.
Aren't you the dude from CableCash?
You're still here.
I was just telling Sammy
how nice it'd be if Felix came home
because he could really ruin the mood.
I have other problems right now.
You're killing yourself to please
some boring dude.
It didn't work with Dad or our brother.
I do it to earn money,
not to please anyone.
You're always out to please.
-Yeah?
-Mm-hmm. Sorry.
Who knows?
Maybe you've grown up
and are just as capitalist
as the people
you protested against at 16.
Yeah, sure. You know what?
There are only three options.
A, you let capitalism fuck you,
like most people.
B, you fuck capitalism, like me.
Or C, you act as if
it doesn't affect you.
But, if you choose C,
you'd really have to buy a tent.
No, you can't buy one.
You have to find a tent. A used--
Although that won't work either.
No, no.
You'd have to strangle a wild cow
with your bare hands,
skin it, make a tent out of it
and walk into the desert with it.
Then you can hold a mirror up to me.
I don't mean the Villeroy & Boch mirror
in my bathroom
you use when you put
your eyeliner under your eyes.
Eyeliner goes above your eyes.
Sure.
And tomorrow you're really gone!
You’re probably overthinking it.
Everyone wants money.
And you got money.
Perhaps you don’t need 300 new customers,
but one large-scale investor who doesn’t
wonder about getting her returns in cash.
But perhaps you should find out first
if you can really trust her.
HELLO AMIRA, SHALL WE MEET
IN PERSON TOMORROW
TO DISCUSS POTENTIAL INVESTMENT?
This installation is called "The Market."
He's playing the stock market.
He's still causing trouble.
Maybe we will have to sedate him.
The digital payment sector
is oversaturated.
PayPal, Deutsche Bank, Alipay.
All that leaves CableCash is customers
unwilling to follow big providers' rules.
Pornography, illegal gambling,
those types.
It looks like a legit startup bank but
it's actually an online bank for criminals.
I'm on the cusp of proving it.
At it alone for the first time,
and you already think
you're the Erin Brockovich
of hedge fund managers.
Focus on finding
a long-term career instead.
A hit here, a flop there.
With a bit of luck
you might become Julia Roberts.
We need to invest
at least double... at least.
We need to make it worthwhile.
I'll give you four times as much.
But if you're wrong on this,
you're paying the difference
out of your pocket.
That would be five million euros.
I don't have that.
You must have rich parents,
like everyone in this business.
This isn't Amira Wallace,
and she doesn't have rich parents.
But when she tells
her "Nigerian-investor-father" story,
no one asks questions.
Her real name is Sheila Williams
and she likes to stick
her middle finger up assholes' asses.
Sheila is a short seller.
Short selling is about
the riskiest move on the market.
Imagine it like this...
She bets money on failures
no one expects.
Like Germany losing to England in soccer.
But then if it does happen,
she gets very rich.
The less likely the event,
the higher the profit margin.
For example, in January 1986 this man
bet that the Challenger would explode
less than two minutes after takeoff
and all the astronauts would die.
Maybe it's not very ethical,
but now he owns
the island next to Jeffrey Epstein's.
So he is still able to
look down on someone.
You can bet your money on almost anything.
If you don't have any money,
you have to borrow some.
Then you just have to find someone
to take the bet.
And what do you envision?
I sell at 25 at the end of the quarter.
That means I get 50 million from you
for the stock portfolio.
This is a very tempting offer for us.
Are you sure you want
to bet so much against CableCash?
I mean, it's crazy.
I've done this before,
so if you're not interested, fine.
We have a meeting at 2:00 p.m.
with another hedge fund.
Maybe they have smarter people.
May I?
Gladly.
-Here you are.
-Thank you very much.
The stock will probably quintuple
in two months
due to bullish investors
like you driving it up.
But as you're celebrating
the healthy P/E ratio,
I'll have enough evidence to show
the whole business is full of shit.
By end of quarter, the stock
will drop to two euros.
Thanks for the invite.
I have an investor,
I have the bankers, and an insider.
Now I just need someone
to publish my research.
That's market manipulation.
People go to jail for that.
I get info from you,
it's market manipulation.
You get information from me,
it's journalism, right?
This is front-page stuff.
It'll get you a government medal.
I'm so close to Armand.
If you want to defeat the beast,
you have to grab the talking candlestick.
If I meet him twice more
he'll spill his guts.
Don't underestimate him.
We have to kill them
before they get too big.
Preferably in the first quarter.
That's kind of your thing, huh?
Killing things in the first quarter.
That was a clump of cells.
Wow!
Yeah.
Now I remember
why it was mainly your body I liked.
I'll leave this here, yeah?
Maybe it'll help you find "badass Tom,"
from the old days, you know?
The guy who wanted more
than playground moms swooning over him.
Look at it.
I have to go meet the talking candlestick.
-Good evening. Hello.
-Hi.
-Hey.
-I didn't think you'd come.
-Why? Do you think I'm a liar?
-No.
I figured you had lots to do at work.
I'm sure every week
a new problem pops up.
Sure.
Cool place.
Totally.
But before we talk
about the investment...
The real reason I wanted to meet.
Okay?
Come on, everyone has a song
they can sing at a karaoke bar.
Okay. Um...
There. "My Way."
Seriously?
-Okay.
-I can do it.
Yeah? Bold!
Why? Because Sinatra
worked for the Mafia?
No, haven't you heard of
the "My Way Killings"?
-The "My Way Killings"?
-"My Way Killings." Yes.
Between 2002 and 2012,
at least six people were killed
in the Philippines
for singing "My Way" at karaoke bars.
I think one was even shot on stage.
But, hey, it's your decision.
-Ah!
-Great song.
I'm doing it. I can do it.
-You got this.
-I'll pee first.
Because I've read
that you pee your pants when you die.
-That'd be pretty embarrassing for me.
-Me too.
Okay, I'm so incredibly sorry.
I talked to IT.
Everything will work again on Monday.
Monday, I swear.
Everything's good. No problem!
People, I...
We can talk normally with each other.
We're not criminals.
Or are you?
Fabian? Till?
Tell me who I'm dealing with!
Is this about the offer? Or...
is it another EDP system error?
These are not methods
German law enforcement can use
against upstanding taxpayers, okay?
And I pay a load of taxes!
I want to say that.
I pay a load of taxes, okay?
Are you a complete bonehead?
I had to tell you something,
and kidnapping you was the only way.
What do you want from me?
You never believed
I'd make it to the secret service.
Congratulations, I believe you!
And data, of course.
But nothing else.
-What data?
-Customer data.
Come on.
I know you collect a lot of data.
Who buys sex online from Banana-Milf?
Who does business with the Mafia?
Felix, whatever you have.
It's impossible
to get anything in Germany.
Data privacy, such nonsense.
This is a country of scaredy-pants.
Why do you want the data?
Let us worry about that.
You help us and we'll help you.
-Kunkelmann Tire Service?
-Yeah.
If things get dicey.
Or if you have someone
who urgently needs their tires changed.
-If you know what I mean.
-I have no idea what you mean.
If I need help, then it's not
from the Austrian secret service. Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
A tip, Felix.
Always be careful
when you accept drinks from people.
-It may have Novichok in it.
-You're such clowns.
-Goodbye.
-What?
-I want to get out.
-Yeah?
Go ahead.
I can't. The door is shut.
-I want to get out.
-Yeah, come on.
I swear, I'm going to start screaming.
Help!
Magda?
JUST POPPED OUT
TO STRANGLE THE WILD COW -MAGDA
CRISIS MEETING IN THE SEX MINISTRY
I'm not convinced by your idea.
Do you maybe have
any better arguments for me?
That's what I was thinking.
Oh, Maletzki!
Maletzki, yeah!
So? Another shitty workday?
That was awkward for both of us.
Why are you here?
I thought you two took off.
Next time you can maybe
shut the door or something.
-Where is your mother?
-Sorting something out.
She said it'd be fun to play daddy.
No. No, no, no.
Sammy. Sammy.
Do you know how many different roles
I have to play every day?
For my boss?
For customers? For the employees?
For the public prosecutor
and the fucking Italian mafia?
I can't take care of you too, Sammy!
Magda said I should look after you a bit.
Here. Enjoy.
Oh, and do you know what?
Sometimes it helps to picture
everyone having to play different roles.
The public prosecutor isn't just that.
She could be a wife,
or maybe even a mother.
And your employees are someone else
when they're not your employees.
Stop whining so much.
Probably he’s right.
You search half the world for
new customers
yet they are right under your nose.
Alex, we need to establish a few companies.
-What? Two or three?
-No, way more.
As long as we register all the companies
and pay tax on the revenue,
no one will take a closer look.
Meeting, now.
-Now.
-Hey! Felix!
Small conference room.
-Now?
-Now.
And if you can trust anyone,
it should be your own family.
MEETING! NOW!
In the end
everyone gets something out of it.
Visconti has clean money in her account,
CableCash has solid growth in their books
and the employees get a little commission.
Even Magnus will
understand that it’s better not to
put yourself in the spotlight
with made-up customers.
DEAR MRS. VISCONTI,
THE MONEY IS ON ITS WAY. CIAO, FELICE
Magnus!
Felice.
Prego!
Look here, the Immendorff monkeys.
I think of the two of us
when I look at them.
Magnus, I have the plan
to launder the Visconti money.
-Basically--
-Well?
Hi!
Bragging about your monkeys again?
-Let him hold the boy.
-Hi.
Amazing how innocent they look.
Hard to believe
what assholes they can become.
But only 50 percent of it is genes.
The rest is upbringing.
What kind of plan?
Look out there. What do you see?
Our crazy employees.
Yes, but that's just one role.
They all have second jobs.
Stephanie, for instance,
has a flower shop now.
Von Aachen sells
self-crocheted scarves on Etsy.
Schulz sells potato salad.
Tons of it.
Tons!
It perishes fast,
so it's hard for the tax office to check.
The geomancer,
Mahatma,
makes wedding cakes.
Ali, his wife, his two kids
and his in-laws
all sell flowers.
Also very perishable.
The whole town they're from,
and Steffi's soccer team,
have all recently become online florists.
In the last 24 hours Alex has drafted
contracts for all of them.
That means, 210 new CableCash customers,
with upward trending sales.
Not figures for the Forum,
but at least the mafia won't kill us.
See? It works.
Yes, yes, yes!
Filius, eh?
Who didn't believe again, my friend?
Ariane?
Ariane!
That's Rooz.
That's Rooz!
Hi.
He's his neighbor.
He's worth 50 million euros, man!
What's the matter?
-Take it or don't!
-Do it.
Go. You want to be part of the family.
Lücki! Lücki! Lücki!
ALEXIS:
DID YOU SEE THIS?
Whether the success can continue,
here the experts are not in agreement.
The biggest competitor, Deutsche Bank,
expressed doubts today.
I am skeptical about CableCash
being able to achieve
the 30% first-quarter growth
they have announced internally.
But if I am correctly informed,
they'll soon present details themselves.
Maybe at the Global Economic Forum
in Geneva.
What's she saying?
-Cunt!
-Thank you for the chat.
30 PERCENT GROWTH AT CABLECASH
TO BE ANNOUNCED AT THE FORUM
Felix, come with me!
We have a problem.
I solved all our problems, Alex.
Have you seen it?
It's the perfect solution!
Money comes in,
and I talked Magnus
out of the damn Forum.
-It's all good!
-So, people, change of plans.
The world thinks we're growing by 30%,
so we'll grow by 30%.
Boom!
What?
-Felix, I'll explain something to you.
-Okay.
VW, Daimler, BMW, each day and night,
they build thousands of cars.
Tesla is worth more
than them all put together,
even though they've barely
delivered anything.
Investors give them money because they
believe they'll deliver in five years.
So we borrow money from investors and
they get it back when we have success.
Magnus, that's nonsense!
Our product is totally different.
Screw the product, Felix!
The stock is our product!
Give the investors what they want!
Didn't you see the--?
Has he not seen the video?
Jutta Katz said on the news
that we'll grow by 30%.
Thirty!
-Oh, God!
-You know what?
We need a big stage
with such a big spotlight
so everyone watching says, "That guy
has to be telling the truth."
Any idea where we can get that?
Huh?
You need very good contacts in politics
to get such a big stage.
And we have that!
Everyone, listen up!
Rooz, turn off the damn music!
So...
Who here thought that
Deutsche Bank couldn't be trusted?
Listen up now.
We didn't want you to hear about
our growth figures from the press.
But it is...
30%!
That's not all!
These incredible figures deserve
the biggest stage possible.
Pack your bags, everyone,
we're going...
to... the Forum!
Let me hear you!