Kim Possible (2002–2007): Season 3, Episode 8 - Roachie - full transcript

A former assistant of Professor Akari uses a device that turns cockroaches into rampaging monsters, one of which Ron decides to adopt as a pet.

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♪ CALL ME, BEEP ME
IF YOU WANNA REACH ME ♪

♪ WHEN YOU WANNA PAGE ME,
IT'S OK ♪

♪ WHENEVER
YOU NEED ME, BABY ♪

♪ CALL ME, BEEP ME,
IF YOU WANNA REACH ME ♪

[GIRL SCREAMS]

[HORNS HONK]

[CAR ALARMS]

WHAT DO YOU SAY
YOU PARK IT HERE?

H-HEY! AAH!

WHOA!

JUST A LITTLE DOOR DING!



[GASPS]
[GASPS]

NEVER MIND.
[BEEP BEEP BEEP]

WHAT EXACTLY
IS THE SITCH, WADE?

I'M PICKING UP SOME
SERIOUS GEOLOGIC EVENTS.

SINKHOLES REPORTED
ALL OVER TOWN,

BUT I CAN'T TRACE
THE EPICENTER.

KEEP ON IT.
[RUMBLE]

K.P., IT'S
STARTING AGAIN!

[SIGHS]

SHAKING, SHAKING!

AND NOW THERE'S
TUGGING!

OH, WHY IS THERE
TUGGING?!

RON?

YOU CAN GET OUT NOW.



HEH, SERIOUSLY, K.P.,

IT'LL TAKE A LOT MORE
THAN A LITTLE NATURAL
DISASTER

TO HARSH MY CHILL.

AAIYA!

A TREE SPIDER!
TREE SPIDER!

AAH! AAH!

[BELL RINGS]

SO, YESTERDAY'S SINKING
FEELING WASN'T
EARTHQUAKE-ISH?

NO FAULT LINES
ANYWHERE NEAR THERE.

THEN AT LEAST
NO ONE GOT HURT.

HELLO?

TREE SPIDER BITE?

OHH, PLEASE.

RON, THAT'S A ZIT.

YEAH. SPIDER BITE ZIT.
IT'S LIKE A BULL'S-EYE TO THEM.

ANYWAY, THAT'S
NOT WHY I CALLED.

YOUR WEB SITE GOT A HIT
FROM PROFESSOR AKARI'S
OFFICE.

BUG... BUG... BUG GUY?

Wade:
THERE'S BEEN A BREAK-IN.

AH, KIM POSSIBLE.
WELCOME.

CREEPING, CRAWLING,
EVERYWHERE.

STILL WITH
THE BUG ISSUES.

YES. YES! SO I'VE GOT
BUG ISSUES!

I'VE GOT
THE SPILLIE WILLIES!

THIS DOES NOT SOUND NORMAL.

FOR RON,
THIS IS NORMAL.

OH, LIKE, LIVING
WITH BUGS IS NORMAL!

WHOEVER BROKE IN
KNEW HOW TO BYPASS
MY SECURITY SYSTEM.

I JUST HOPE THEY DIDN'T...

THEY DID!

THE ROFLAX!

ROFLAX?

A SONIC PULSE EMITTER THAT
ENCOURAGES THE GROWTH

OF HEALTHY EXOSKELETONS
IN INSECTS.

WHY WOULD ANYONE
WANT TO DO THAT?!

OH! OHH! AAH... AAH!

DID YOU GET THAT,
WADE?

SONIC PULSES. I'M ON IT.

ANY IDEAS ON WHO
MIGHT HAVE TAKEN IT?

I CAN'T THINK
OF ANYONE.

NOBODY?
NOPE.
NOT A SINGLE... WELL...

THERE WAS
MY EX-LAB ASSISTANT

CHESTER YAPSBE.

I HAD TO LET HIM GO.

HE WAS FULL OF CRAZY IDEAS.

WE HAD AN EPIC ARGUMENT,
MUCH SHOUTING, FIST SHAKING,

BUT YOU DON'T
THINK CHESTER...

YEAH,
I THINK CHESTER.

OK, NOT DIGGIN'
THIS.

[MOANS]

WADE SAID HE TRACKED
UNDERGROUND PULSES NEAR HERE.

BUT IN A SEWER?

OOH, PEE-YEW!

THAT'S NO SEWER LINE.

Y-YOU DON'T SUPPOSE
THERE ARE ANY...

BUGS? COME ON, RON.

BUGS ARE NO BIG,
LITERALLY.

YOU FLICK 'EM.

SOMETHING'S CRAWLING ON ME.
FLICK IT!

HELLO! HA HA HA HA!

RON, MEET RUFUS.
HI.

RUFUS, RON.

NO LET'S TURN DOWN
THE BUG DRAMA

BEFORE WE LOSE
THE ELEMENT OF...

SURPRISE!

CHESTER YAPSBE.

HEY, WATCH IT!
THESE GOGGLES
ARE LIGHT SENSITIVE.

AH, THE FAMOUS
KIM POSSIBLE.

TAKING YOUR WORK
HOME WITH YOU?

OR SHOULD WE SAY

TAKING PROFESSOR
AKARI'S WORK HOME WITH YOU?

THAT BUMBLER!

AKARI DIDN'T KNOW
THE POWER HE HELD
IN HIS HANDS!

LET ME GUESS.

THE ROFLAX?

THANKS TO
MY MODIFICATIONS,

THIS LITTLE BEAUTY
WILL BE MY KEY

TO WORLD DOMINATION!

EH?
HUH?

HUH?
HUH?

A SINKHOLE.
THAT WAS YOU!

NO. IT WAS THE WORK
OF MY ARMY OF GIANT
COCKROACHES!

I'M SORRY. GIANT WHAT?

COCKROACHES!

AAH!
AAH!

AH HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!
HA HA HA HA HA HA!

HAPPY THOUGHTS,
HAPPY THOUGHTS, HAPPY THOUGHTS.

[GASPS]

OHH, I CAN'T LOOK!
I CAN'T!

DUDE, YOU CALL THOSE
GIANT COCKROACHES?

IT'S PRETTY BIG
FOR A COCKROACH.

HMM, NAH, NOT REALLY.

BAH! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

I HAVE A WORLD TO CONQUER!

HA HA HA HA HA!

[COUGHS]

OH, MAN, WE'LL NEVER
GET THROUGH THAT.

YOU OK, K.P.?
K.P.?

B-B-BUGS...

B-BIG BUGS.

OH, YEAH,
THAT'S REAL NICE.

JUST MOCK MY WEAKNESS.

B-B-BIG BUGS.

HEY, Y-YOU'RE
NOT MOCKING.

WHAT HAPPENED TO
"JUST FLICK 'EM"?

UH-HUH. THAT WAS
WHEN THEY WERE
LITTLE AND, UM...

FLICKABLE.

NOW THEY'RE, UH...

COMING THIS WAY.

HEY, LOOK. LOOK,
THAT ONE'S LOST.

HEY, LITTLE GUY.
YOU OK?

ICK. IT'S TOUCHING YOU.

WEIRD, HUH?

GUESS I'M ONLY FREAKED
OUT BY LITTLE ONES.

THESE BIGGER ONES
ARE CUTE,

LIKE A SHINY PUPPY
WITH A SHELL.

PUPPIES DON'T HAVE SHELLS!

HA HA HA!

HEY! HE LIKES ME!
CAN I KEEP HIM?

[GULPS]

THE HURL FACTOR'S
APPROACHING CRITICAL
HERE.

[BEEP BEEP BEEP]

SITCH IT, WADE.

I'VE LOST YAPSBE'S SIGNAL.

IT'S GOING TO TAKE ME
A WHILE TO RE-CALIBRATE.

HA HA HA!

THAT'LL GIVE US TIME

TO GET ACQUAINTED
WITH OUR NEW FRIEND!

[SIGHS]

RON, I'M ALL FOR
MAKING NEW FRIENDS,
BUT THIS?

WHOA, K.P., JUST BECAUSE
ROACHIE'S DIFFERENT,

THAT'S NO REASON
FOR YOU TO BE A ROACHIST.

I'M NOT
A... ROACHIST.

IT JUST SEEMS SO...
OH, LOOK AT THAT.

AAH!
AAH!
AAH!

OH, YEAH!

HA HA HA HA HA!

OH, NO! NO! NO!

OH!

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

ME, EITHER. ROACHIE'S
GOT AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE

WITH THE MAD MOVES.

NO, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
BONDED WITH...

UGH, LA CUCARACHA.

LA GRANDE CUCARACHA,
K.P. MAKES ALL THE
DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD.

AM I RIGHT, ROACHIE?

HEH HEH HEH HEH.

NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM
NUM NUM NUM NUM.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT WHEN...
NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM?

HA HA HA HA!

THAT'S WRONG, MAN,
THAT'S JUST WRONG.

YOU WERE NOT
JUST SPEAKING BUG.

OH, I... I GUESS I WAS. HA.

BUG!

ROACHIE'S HUNGRY,
WANTED A SNACK,

AND NOW I DON'T HAVE
TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE
ANYMORE.

YOU DON'T FIND EATING
GARBAGE BEYOND GROSS?

HEY, DON'T KNOCK IT
TILL YOU TRY IT.

OK, ACTUALLY, KNOCK IT.
IT TRIED IT.

IT'S NOT SO GOOD.

[ROACHIE BELCHES]
[BEEP BEEP BEEP]

WADE, WHAT YA GOT?

Wade: GOOD NEWS
AND BAD NEWS.

I'M READY FOR ANYTHING.

THE GOOD NEWS IS
I'VE FIGURED OUT

WHY I LOST
THE ROFLAX SIGNAL.

YAPSBE ALTERED
THE DEVICE'S MAGNIFICATION

CAUSING A SHIFT
IN THE TRACEABLE FREQUENCY.

BUT YOU FOUND HIM NOW,
RIGHT?

THAT'S THE BAD NEWS.

APPARENTLY, YAPSBE
SPENT THE LAST FEW DAYS

IRRADIATING HIS ROACHES
WITH HIS NEW-AND-IMPROVED
ROFLAX.

Woman: AAH!

MY JEEPERS
ARE OFFICIALLY CREEPED.

YOU'RE THE ROACH BOY.

YOU CAN HANDLE THIS THING
ON YOUR OWN, RIGHT?

KIM, I GOT OVER
MY BUG ISSUES.

YOU GOTTA DEAL, TOO,
OR WE'RE CHUNKED.

WE ARE SO CHUNKED.
LOOK AT THAT.

THOSE BUGS ARE
JUST RIDICULOUS BIG.

RIGHT, THIS IS
DANGEROUS.

ROACHIE, YOU BETTER
STAND BACK.

NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM
NUM NUM NUM NUM.

[HISSES]

ROACHIE LISTENS TO YOU?

WELL, EXCEPT AT BEDTIME.

IT'S ALWAYS,
"IN 5 MORE MINUTES?"

AND "CAN I HAVE A GLASS
OF DIRTY WATER?"

YOU'RE LIKE
THE ROACH WHISPERER.

WELL, MAYBE YOU CAN
TALK TO ALL THOSE
OTHER BUGS.

HUH? YOU THINK?

GAH!
GAH? WHAT'S GAH?

YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE TRYING
TO SPEAK ROACH,

YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG, K.P.

YOU GOTTA CLIP
WITH YOUR MANDIBLE.

[GROANS AND CHITTERS]

MUCH BETTER.

UH-OH...

OK, MR. MANDIBLE,
YOU'RE ON.

[ROARS]

UH, NUM, NUM, NUM,
NUM, I... CAN'T SPEAK
BUG UNDER PRESSURE!

RON'S IN TROUBLE.

[GROANS]

[CHITTERS]

YOU'RE GONNA
STEP ON ME?!

HOW IRONIC
IS THAT?

[RUFUS SINGS TRUMPET CHARGE]

[CHITTERS]

[CHITTERS]

COME, MY BUG BATTALIONS.

TODAY, MIDDLETON,
TOMORROW, UPPERTON.

DON'T THINK SO.

WHAT WAS THIS THING
AGAIN?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

STOLEN.

NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

WITHOUT THAT,
I CAN'T CONTROL THEM!

BUT ROACHIE CAN!

[CHITTERS]

[ROARS]

EHH, AAH!

AAH!

I HAVE TO ADMIT,

LEADING THEM
TO THE LANDFILL

WAS PRETTY INSPIRED.

IT WAS ROACHIE'S IDEA,
REALLY.

LITTLE RECYCLER.

[CHITTERS]

WHAT'S WRONG,
LITTLE GUY?

I KNOW IT FEELS
LIKE ROACHIE'S
PART OF THE TEAM,

BUT YOU WANT HIM
TO BE HAPPY, RIGHT?

WELL, YEAH, BUT
THE LUNCH LADY SAID

IF I BROUGHT ROACHIE BACK,
I'D GET EXPELLED.

OH. OH. YOU MEAN...

RIGHT.

ROACHIE, YOU'RE THE BEST
DOG-SIZED INSECT

A GUY COULD EVER WANT.

I KNOW WE'VE BONDED.

I FEEL LIKE AN HONORARY
BUG, BUT IT'S BETTER

IF YOU'RE
WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

I'LL COME VISIT YOU,

AND I'LL THINK OF YOU

EVERY TIME I STEP ON
SOMETHING CRUNCHY.

[SOBS]
NOW GO ON.

GET OUT OF HERE,
YOU MULTI-LEGGED SKIP.

IT'S A BUFFET
OUT THERE FOR YOU.

[CHITTERS AND COOS]

HA HA HA! HEY, WHOA.

COME ON. IT TICKLES.

AW.

I'M NOT TEARING UP

BECAUSE THIS IS
TOUCHING, ALL RIGHT?

THE WIND'S COMING OFF
MILES OF GARBAGE.

GOOD-BYE, ROACHIE.

[SOBS]

BYE-BYE.

BYE-BYE!

SO, RON, THINK YOU
CAN HANDLE LITTLE
BUGS NOW?

K.P., THANKS TO ROACHIE,

THE RON MAN
IS WITHOUT BUG ISSUES.

WHAT IS THAT?
IS THAT A GARBAGE SPIDER?!

IT'S A GARBAGE SPIDER!

GARBAGE SPIDER!
GET IT OFF!

GET IT OFF!
IT'S GOT MY NOSE!

AAH! OW!