Kim Possible (2002–2007): Season 3, Episode 5 - Showdown at the Crooked D - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
Ah...

So, Ron...

you're just going
to chill all summer?

Chillin', as you put it,
is for amateurs, Kim.

I'm marinating.

Marinating?

Marinating... relaxation
for the professional.

Ready to roll, Kimmie?

Roll? No one said anything
about rolling.

A road trip to visit
my Uncle Slim.

Okay. I'll be here
when you get back.



In Montana.

Montana?

Okay, well, I'll be here
when you get back.

Long time since we visited
the Old Lazy C Ranch.

Lazy?

I'm simpatico with lazy.

Well, my mom has to work.

You want to come with?

Oh, let me consult
my marination advisor.

Up for Montana, buddy?

Yee-haw!

Okay, let's get lazy.

Here you go, Ronald.

Toss these in the car.



This does not bode well
for the Ronster.

Oh!

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm your basic average girl ♪

♪ And I'm here
to save the world ♪

♪ You can't stop me
'cause I'm... ♪

♪ Kim Possible ♪

♪ There is nothing I can't do ♪

♪ When danger calls,
just know that I am on my way ♪

♪ Know that I am on my way ♪

♪ It doesn't matter where
or when there's trouble ♪

♪ If you just call my name ♪

♪ Kim Possible ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ When you want to page me,
it's okay ♪

♪ Whenever you need me, baby ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ Doesn't matter where,
doesn't matter when ♪

♪ Doesn't matter when ♪

♪ I will be there for you
till the very end ♪

♪ Danger or trouble,
I'm there on the double ♪

♪ You know that you always
can call Kim Possible. ♪

Bill, bill, bill...

What is this?

That's for me.

Hmm! Hmm...

"Dear Mr. Drakken..."

It's Dr. Drakken, you dolts!

"Thank you
for your application..."

Da da da de de...

Oh, blast!

Rejected again.

(grunting )

Shego!

"Cerebellum, Ultra-smart,
Super-Genius Thinking Society"?

Are you kidding me?

Whoa, whoa... and they
won't let you join?

No! And it vexes me
to the bone.

They have fun singles mixers
and fabulous cruises to nowhere.

And the newsletter has the most
fiendishly clever word jumbles.

Oh, come on. Why do you want
to join some super dorky club?

To prove that I am brillianter
than a lot of them.

Brillianter?

Most smartest, whatever.

I'm a scientific genius,
not an Englist.

Linguist.

Stop that.

I need to invent something
so brilliant,

so irrefutably mind-bogglingly
wowful...

So close.

...that no one can
deny me my place

at the head of the genius table.

If you sat at the doofus table,
you'd have a lock.

Doofus table... Shego!

Wait... that's it!

What's it?

Ow... ooh...

The answer is not
to build myself up.

It's to knock
the competition down.

Ooh, ooh, ooh,
stupid-idea alert.

Precisely, Shego.

Okay, kids, we're here.

The Lazy C.

Well, the lazy me
should fit right in.

Oh, yeah!

Ron, Uncle Slim's ranch
is a working ranch.

What?
I thought it was a dude ranch.

You know, for dudes like me.

Giddyup, Dad!

We want to start
roping and riding!

Hey, squirt.

Come on, Slim.

Don't call me that
in front of the kids.

(laughing )

Squirt.
Squirt.

Where's my favorite
sister-in-law?

She got stuck working
a double shift
at the hospital,

so we brought Ronald instead.

Howdy, partner.

Howdy!

How'd your prairie dog
lose his hair?

(angry grunt )

Feisty little fella.

Where's Jos?

She emailed me right before
the trip

about some big surprise.

Well, Jos is going
through a phase.

What kind of phase?

She's got herself a hero
that she absolutely idolizes.

Ah, it's great to have heroes.

For me, it was Vlad Lukavich

of Hydraulic Servo Actuator
fame.

Man, could that guy
build spacecraft.

I used to write to him
when I was Jos's age.

Never wrote back.

So, who's Jos's Vlad Lukavich?

I can do anything!

(gasps )

Your daughter.

'Cause I'm just like you, Kim.

Uh... wow.

Oh, yeah.

Can I mosey or what?

(screams )

Are you afraid of horses?

Me, afraid?

(panting )

Yes.

It's not a real horse.

It's just a robot.

That's the kind of horse
he fears most of all.

It was ten years ago

out in front of Smarty Mart.

(screaming )

I lost two baby teeth that day.

Changes a guy.

Ron, you've got
to get past this.

Yeah, just be like Kim.

She's not afraid of nothing.

Kid, if being like Kim
was that easy,

I would have done it
a long time ago.

You can try.

Fine.

Nice robot horse.

Nice robot.

(whinnying )

(screaming )

Sorry about that.

Old Tornado still has some
glitches in his get-along.

Outstanding work, Slim.

Is he cybertronic?

Yep.

Runs on a solar-powered,

self-perpetuating power core.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You
know, that's exactly

what I said to Rufus, right?

Oh, yeah.

(chattering )

Hey, Squirt, you want to hit
the general store with me?

Got to get
some supplies.
Sure.

You boys behave while I'm gone.

Whatever you say...

Squirt.

Kimmie, you're in charge.

Okay, Dad.

Come on.

I got all kinds of stuff
I want to show you.

Uh, cool.

Where'd they move
them habaneros to?

If you're fixing to rustle us up

some of your famous
five-alarm chow,

I'm gonna be one happy camper.

Ain't no campers
out in these parts.

Uh, right. Buckaroos.

Squirt, you're the best brother

a fella could ever have,

but you are a tinhorn.

Bad as them other fellas
they've been bringing in.

What other fellas?

Possible?
Hamish.

I was wondering when we'd
see your sorry self here.

I, of course, am
being jocular when
I say "sorry self."

Gotcha. This is my big
brother, Slim Possible.
Howdy.

Hold up there, Hamish.

Why did you expect me?

For the Wild West Science Fest,
of course.

Are your partners ready?

Uh, I'm in the dark here.

Some meeting of the minds

they're having
over at the Crooked D.

Only the greatest
scientific minds

from around the world
were invited.

I wasn't invited.

Ooh... my bad.

Well, we'd better
be getting back

to the other super geniuses.

Um... toodles.

Ooh!
What happened to Squirt,
the happy camper?

Oh-oh, it's...
it's no big deal.

I'd rather spend
my time with you

than... than a bunch
of tinhorns, really.

Yee-haw!

Just wish I knew why
I didn't make the cut.

Are they all here?

Yes, all the Poindexters
on your list are here.

So, now what?

Prepare yourself, Shego,

for soon, the so-called geniuses
will be yesterday's news.

I, Dr. Drakken,

will be the most brilliant
scientific mind on the planet!

Yeah. You know what?

I'm gonna go ahead
and put this plan

in the failed column right now.

(grumbling )

Jos...

I don't know what to say.

Uh, the word "obsession"
comes to mind.

Isn't it spanking?

Totally.

I'm... I'm flattered.

You're a little light
on the sidekick here, Jos.

I'd say Wade is a lot more
than a sidekick, Mister.

He runs Kim's Web site,
builds all them gadgets.

He keeps the whole
operation running.

I'm talking about me.

Who?

The sidekick.
Huh?

Usually acts in
a support/distraction role.

Not ringing any bells.

Ron Stoppable.

Never heard of you.

But you must be awfully proud
to be a friend of my cousin's.

Oh, you probably don't
recognize me without my

trusty naked
mole rat.
Ta-dah!

Rufus!

Now it's coming back to you.

I know everything about
every one of Kim's adventures,

so I know how many times
you saved the day.

I'm always right there.

The guy with the pocket
that Rufus comes out of.

Uh, oh, yeah.

You're the one who's always
losing his drawers.

Oh, come on.
It's only been six
or eight times.

Sent a little bird up
a couple of years ago,

so I got an eye
on the whole spread.

Oh, satellite, huh?

So, I guess you could
take a look at the, uh...

Crooked D?

Yeah. You know,

where all those
tinhorn brainiacs are.

You know, Squirt,
I'm pretty handy

with the cutting-edge
tech myself,

but I'm nowhere near
as smart as you.

Now, Slim, I'm...
I'm not that smart.

Of course you are
and you know it.

Doesn't matter
who else knows it.

I'd just like to know who put
together that guest list.

DR. DRAKKEN:
Ladies and gentlemen,
you may now put on your hats

and become official
buckaroos and buckarettes.

Yippee-kai-yay!

My own ten-liter hat.

I'm most eager to rope them up
and ride them out.

(high-pitched crackling )

♪ The farmer in the dell,
the farmer in the dell ♪

♪ Hi-ho the derry-o,
the farmer in the dell. ♪

I love these cowboy songs.

(whooping,
country music playing )

Wow, they're acting
so... so...

Silly?

Not the word I would
choose, but okay.

It's because they are wearing
my new invention,

the silly hat.

(singing gibberish )

Anyone who wears
one of these hats
will act as silly as...

Your outfit?

I happen to feelmuy macho,
thank you very much.

Anyway, with the world's
most brilliant people
incapacitated...

You start looking pretty smart.

I will be the greatest mind
on the planet

because the rest
will be reduced
to babbling buffoons.

(laughing uncontrollably )

KIM:
Well, I hate to brag,

but it was pretty exciting

that time Drakken had
a giant laser drill.

Inside the world's
largest cheese drill,

which was not
a cheese-cutter building.

It was actually made of cheese.

Yeah, that time.

You know all about
that mission, huh?

Hey! Here I am, see,

when we busted Duff Killagan
in Tokyo.

That's me, in the background
there, see?

Huh, no.

Sorry.

Wh... Oh, you're right.

Yeah, it's
a Japanese schoolgirl.

Here's one I usually
don't talk about,

but since you're such a fan...

There was this top-secret thing
called the Centurion Project...

Which Drakken and Killagan
wanted, but it got stuck on you

and whenever you lied,
the Centurion Battler

would grow and spread
all over your body.

Boy, howdy.

I bet that's a Halloween nobody
in Middleton will ever forget.

Was that Halloween?

I thought that was our big
Groundhog's Day adventure.

How about when Shego...

Tutored Señor Senior, Jr.

On how to be a bad guy?

Or when Drakken...

Stole a weather machine?

Uh, you know what?

Let's forget about me
for a minute.

Let's talk about you.

Sure.
What are you into?

You.

O... kay.

I'm going to mosey
somewhere else.

Later.

Let's go outside
and do something.

You got it!

Here's an idea.

Why don't you decide what we do?

I have got a great idea.

Excellent.
What do you want to do?

Whatever you want to do.

Oh...

Just a few adjustments

to the satellite
surveillance system and...

Whatcha doing,
Mr. Doctor P.?

Um, uh, not spying
on the Wild West

Science Fest,
I can tell you that.

Hey, isn't that your old pal,

Professor Ramish?

It is.

That is one strange
square dance.

I bet it's a square-root dance.

Which is, what?

I don't know,
but it's the sort of thing

the smartest people
in the world would do

if they all got together.

I don't care
if I wasn't invited,

I'm going over to the Crooked D.

Count me in. It's gotta
be better than hanging out

with the Never-Heard
of-Ron Fan Club.

I mean, I know
Dr. Drakken is your archfoe,

but it seems to me, Shego's
the really dangerous one.

I mean, if she
put her mind to do it,

she could be the toughest
villain out there.

Don't you think? Kim?

Kim?

Kim!!

Wade?

Hey, Kim.
Please
tell me

that someone, somewhere

needs me to do something.

What's the static?

My little cousin
is my number one fan.

Aw, how sweet.

Well, at first,

but I can't take it anymore.

She won't leave me alone.

That's the price of fame.

You won't believe
what it's like forme

when I go to the computer store.

I wonder where
she could have got to.

KIM:
I'm serious, Wade.

She's so got to get a life.

Preferably her own.

(gasps )

Oh, no.

She heard you?

(door slams )

She so heard me.

(whooping )

Something's not right.

They're acting like
a bunch of goofs.

Dr. P.,
sometimes you have

to let your hair down.

You got to get loose.

(raspberries )

(idiotic giggling )

You know what?

Maybe some boundaries

are being crossed here.

What is wrong with you, man?

(slurping )

What's going on down there?

Looks like trouble.

Better report it fast.

Hombre One to Drakken.

We have varmints.

DRAKKEN:
We have what?

Varmints? What is a varmint?

Shego! Here... you
speak Hombre.

Give me that.

Howdy, Hombre.

What in tarnation is a-goin' on?

Looks like we got us
some varmints.

What does that mean?!

Hey. Um...
I'm sorry.

I mean, it-it was so nice
that you picked me

to be your hero, and I end up

being a total jerk.

It's not your fault.

It is. It really is.

I mean, well, you're...

Just a nobody,

stuck here
in the middle of nowhere.

Jos, I was just a nobody.

I mean, not anobody.

Nobody's a nobody.

Everybody's somebody. Right?

Is this supposed
to make me feel better?

I'm just a regular person.

I'm into cheerleading
and boys... sometimes.

You know, regular stuff.

You do incredible stuff.

You save the world.

Jos, I'm just, you know, me.

That's all I ever try to be,

and it turned out
that sometimes being me

is enough to save the world.

Yeah, and that's why
being you is so cool.

Try being you...
It'll be even cooler.

Doubt it.

Kim, you'd best get down here!

BOTH:
What's the sitch?

Oops. Sorry.

No big.

Ron and Dad?

Captured by Shego.

That means your archfoe
is next door.

Spankin'!

Jos, it is not spankin'.
It's serious.

But nothing ever
happens around here.

This is major!

That's what I'm afraid of.

So!

We've got a new team here.

The genius and the lackwit.

Don't let him
call you a lackwit.

Whatever your evil scheme
is, Lipsky, it won't work.

Uh-huh, but it already has,

and all prisoners will refer
to me as Dr. Drakken.

You'll always just
be Drew Lipsky,

the science student who
couldn't make the grade.

I will now.

You see, Possible,

I've adjusted the curve.

You gathered the greatest
minds on the planet here,

so you could alter
their intelligence

and make yourself seem smarter.

Aha!

How's he doing that?

That's for me to know
and you to find out.

It's obviously
those cowboy hats.

They probably contain
some hidden circuitry

that alters brain wave efficacy.

You Possibles take
the fun out of everything.

Yeah, well,
it runs in the family.

There's a Possible posse
heading into town.

(horses whinnying )

Looks like they're expecting us.

Oh, that's a passel of hombres.

Can we take them?

Got to remember, Jos...

BOTH:
Anything's possible
for a Possible.

Let's ride.

(whistles )

(whinnying )

Hick-a-bick-a-boo!

Yee-haw!

You know what's nice
about robot horses, partner?

Magna hooves.

Oh!

(grunts )

(growls )

(whinnies )

(grunts )

(growls )

Hang on, Jos.

I'll bust out Dad and Ron.

(whinnies )

So not the drama. Oh!

Thanks, kid.

Couldn't have done it
better myself.

Oh, this is all my fault.

Well, little darling,

now, you can't just go imitating

everything you see
Cousin Kim doing.

Don't blame yourself, Jos.

It's my fault for
being such a nosy Parker.

Dad.

Kim, the man is a nosy Parker.

Ron.
Fear not.

We've got this escape
in the pocket.

Gotcha.

(groans )

Kangaroo rat.

He did it!

(alarm blaring )

(all groan )

(alarm stops )

You actually fell for the old

key-near-the-cell-door ruse?

And you're not even
wearing the silly hats.

Good hustle anyway, buddy.

I just want to know one thing

about your evil plan, Lipsky.

Well, I do like to gloat about
the nuances of my schemes.

Fire away.

If you gathered

the greatest minds
on the planet,

why did you leave me out?

Because you're a Possible.

You people are such pests!

Yep.
(beeping)

What was that?

What?
That boop, boop.

Oh, that.
'Tweren't nothing.

That was just me
activating Old Tornado.

Is that all?

Well, never
mind that... Wait.

Who is Old Tornado?

(whinnies )

That's my big brother.

Good horsey.

What's he doing?

(panicked yelling )

See, the little pony
outside Smarty Mart

could never do that.

Yep, Old Tornado

is one of a kind.

Come on. Let's get Drakken.

Oh, I'll take that.

Whoa!

Hang on, Ron.

(Ron yelling )

Horsey, come back!

This is good-time fun.

Give me the remote, Shego.

I don't think so,
and if you come any closer,

your sidekick gets bucked
into the next county.

Can you do anything?

Nope.
Afraid of that.

Now!
Now!

What? I...

(straining )

No fair.

(Ron yelling )

Uh-uh-uh.

Oh, no.

That's original.

Whoa!

That was radical.

Thanks. Just doing
the Jos thing.

Whoa-whoa, whoa, whoa.

(whinny halts )

Huh?

Huh?
I'll take that.

What did you say to it?

Oh, nothing.
I just knew there was

an off switch back here.

See? I couldn't
have done that.

Dr. D.,

I'd say it's about
time to vamoose.

We need something big
to cover our escape.

I've got it!

Stampede!

(gibbering )

No, seriously, fellows.

A stampede would be
very helpful here.

Allow me.

Huh. That there
is dang weird.

Dad!

Possible?

What's this all about?

Silly hat.

(high-pitched crackling )

Well, Squirt, did you

work up an appetite?

Yes, I am hankering
for some grub,

I'll tell you what.

Maybe you're not
such a tinhorn after all.

Hey, where's Jos?

Haven't seen her in a while.

Me neither.

She was bending Ronald's ear

about something.

Are you guys ready to eat?

Oh, boy.

Kim, I just figured out

who the real hero is
around here.

Ron?
Totally.

It's hard to argue.

Ron here is afraid of
practically everything.

But does he let his fears keep
him from sidekicking?

I do not.

Attaboy.

Let's face it, Kim,

you can do anything,

so facing all those
dangers and villains,

well, it's just like
you say... no big.

Well, uh, I guess.

A fellow filled
with that much fear

always charging
into action with you?

Seems to me that's a true hero.

I can tell she's a Possible.

Mm-hmm!
Smart as a whip, this kid.