Kim Possible (2002–2007): Season 2, Episode 3 - Two to Tutor - full transcript

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Thanks for the ride,

Colonel Dimitri.

This is our stop.

Uh, for once, can't we just land

and, like, taxi to a gate,
or something?

Please.

I hope we're not too late.

( screaming )

( bell rings )

Kim, where have you been?

Ruthless dictator.



Don't ask.

Registration for electives

started, like, forever ago.

Tell me there are still spots

in photography class.

Girl, they're filling up fast.

RON:
Hey, guys!

Hello. A little help up here.

Come on, come on,

photography.

Kim, Kim, Kim.

You need a backup.

And a backup for your backup.

Now, see, photography
is my third choice.



So even if kickboxing

and interpretative dance
are full,

I'm still golden.

Congratulate me, Kim.

I got the very last spot

in photography.

Photography is full?

Is now.

I would've preferred
interpretative dance

or kickboxing,
but they were already closed.

Well, then what's left?

Home economics?

They can't be serious.

Yeah, financial planning?

Mm-mmm, no, yeah, never been
one of my strong suits.

It's worse than that, Ron.

It's cooking.

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm your basic average girl ♪

♪ And I'm here
to save the world ♪

♪ You can't stop me
'cause I'm... ♪

♪ Kim Possible ♪

♪ There is nothing I can't do ♪

♪ When danger calls,
just know that I am on my way ♪

♪ Know that I am on my way ♪

♪ It doesn't matter where
or when there's trouble ♪

♪ If you just call my name ♪

♪ Kim Possible ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ When you want to page me,
it's okay ♪

♪ Whenever you need me, baby ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ Doesn't matter where,
doesn't matter when ♪

♪ Doesn't matter when ♪

♪ I will be there for you
till the very end ♪

♪ Danger or trouble,
I'm there on the double ♪

♪ You know that you always
can call Kim Possible. ♪

The disappointment I feel in you

is immeasurable, Junior.

However, I will be
the first to admit

that it is not your fault.

It is not?

There are no bad students,

only bad teachers.

If you have failed to become
a competent super villain,

it's because I have failed

to reach you.

Fine. I do not hold a grudge.

To remedy this,
I have secured the services

of a qualified tutor.

A tutor?

You mean like
the nice lady you hired

to do all my homework
in grades K through 12?

No, my son, no.

Not like Miss Bunny.

A tutor in villainy.

Could you move?

You're blocking my sun.

Lesson one... eyes wide.

Especially to people

who can hurt you.

Home Ec?

I can't believe we got stuck

with such a lame elective.

Yeah.

Hey, I wonder if we get
to eat what we make?

( hinges squeaking )

Where is everybody?

We are everybody.

( squeaking )

Listen up, people.

The regular Home Ec teacher
retired six years ago,

and nobody noticed

until this morning.

So, I'll be covering this class.

Uh, where is the class?

Present.
Present.

( groans )

All right, take your dusty

and filth-covered seats, please.

Let's get started.

The first thing that every

good villain needs is...?

( disco music playing )

( frustrated yell )

Hey! I was listening to that.

Yeah, and now
you're listening to me.

Now, the first thing
that every villain

needs is...

I know this one.

An evil laugh.

Oh, for crying out...

Your old man has totally
warped your mind.

Try again.

Uh, a villainous calling card?

A robust tan?

Spinning tops of doom?

You're going to slash something
again, aren't you?

( frustrated groan )

The first thing
that every villain needs

is the basic tools of the trade.

( sighs ):
Now, follow me.

We're going
on a little field trip.

All right, the first thing
every chef needs

is the basic tools
of the trade...

Your helmet
and trenching shovel.

Uh, Mr. B... question.

If you must, Stoppable.

Would you mind...
could I ask you where you,

you know, um, learned to cook?

It was 30 clicks
southeast of Jai Alai.

Lieutenant Barkin,
when do we chow?

Soon as I catch something, sir.

( monkey screeches )

How else would you learn
the slapjacky's art?

Well, when I was eight,

my mom got me a Granny Crockett
Quickie-Bake mixer and oven set.

Really?

You know, I don't mean to brag,

but my caramel turtle brownies

were a real hit
amongst all my friends.

All right, Granny's boy,
let's see what you can do.

Huh?

( bell dings )

Mmm! Yummy.

( sniffing )

Mmm.

Impressive, Stoppable.

Possible, let's get cooking.

No big.

Hmm. Oh...!

( high-pitched whirring )

( yelling )

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Could we not just

buy these items?

No, no, no,

criminals don't buy anything.

Besides, this gives you
something money can't buy...

Experience.

Let's see, there's "mix, blend,
beat, cream, knead, churn..."

Oh, here...
"whip" ought to do it. Ah!

( grunting )

( annoyed groan )

( frustrated growl )

Whoopsie?

Maybe a more competent student

can tell you what
you're doing wrong.

Stoppable.

Be glad to, Mr. B.

For someone who can
disarm a doomsday device,

you seem to have
major mixer issues.

Ron, this machine hates me.

It senses your fear.

Watch me.

( whirring smoothly )

Let the beating of the blades

and the beating of your heart
merge together.

You and the mixer become one.

Now you try, and tell
me what you feel.

( ragged whirring )

I feel ridiculous.

That, Kim, is why you fail.

( shutters clicking )

Take me... with you.

It's like a chocolate cloud.

Yes, I was going for cloud.

Well, that settles it.

I am officially

turning this class over to you.

A-boo-ya!

Wade, code red.

Ron is now

teaching our class.

Tell me somebody somewhere

needs my help.

Actually,
it's been pretty quiet.

Come on.

A cat stuck in a tree?

Anything.

I've got a series of robberies
in Europe,

but it looks
strictly small-time.

Sold. I'll take it.

As long
as it doesn't involve baking.

I don't understand it.

All they took was two pair
of infrared goggles.

Two coils of climbing rope.

Two grappling hooks.

Two parachutes.

All of it... every last jar.

Oh, my pauvre Le Goop!

Le Goop?
Hmm... a clue.

I caught a glimpse of them.

There was a boy...
Tall, handsome,

but a few crepes short
of a Suzette, eh?

Let me guess.

He was with an older gentleman...

Strong family resemblance?

Oh, mais non, mais non.

A young lady.

She had thick,
glowing green hands.

Shego and Junior... together?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Okay, hair care
was not on the list.

I have the cowlick issues.

Yeah, uh, fine. Whatever.

Okay, you're ready for the next
and most important step.

Every villain
needs an evil plot.

Take Drakken.

His plot? Yeah,
always taking over the world.

Always.

Ooh, can we do that?

No, you got to walk

before you can run, sport.

Let's start small.

Oh! How about more thieving?

Good answer.

It would have to be
something valuable

and heavily guarded.

Let's see.

Almost got something;
hold on.

No, no, don't say a word.

It's on the tip of my tongue.

I got it.

Hello.

I thought I'd look in

and see how you kids are doing.

I lost it.

Oh! Father...!

If I've come at a bad time...

Well, yeah, yeah, you did.

Okay, yeah, you know what?

Thanks for stopping by.

Maybe we just run a web search

for "really valuable
and heavily guarded."

O... kay.

I am learning from the best.

Mm-hmm. Mmm...

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Yes!

Sweet!

( crickets chirping )

Um... isn't it lunchtime?

Yep.
Okay.

Where is everybody?

The Home Ec room.

I got a 12:45
reservation myself.

Oh, got to run.

Reservation?

Excuse me.

E-E-Excuse me.

Can I get through here?

Some of us actually
take this class.

( gasps )

Rufus?
Hmm.

How many?

Huh?

( crowd gasping )

I call it seven layers...

of heaven.

( applause and cheers )

Mr. Barkin, what's
going on here?

World-class dining, that's what.

Um, but the cafeteria,
it's totally empty right now.

Good point.

I guess it would make
more sense if I just put

Chef Rinald here
in charge of food serves

for the whole school.

"Chef Rinald"?

This is so wrong.

Now, don't worry, Possible.

You'll get class credit
by assisting him.

Somebody's got to do the dishes.

Not likely!

Guess you're right, Possible.

Thank you.

Not without your hair net.

( grunts, gasps )

( grunting )

Yah!

SENIOR:
Ah, did I not warn you

that he would be
a difficult pupil?

Actually, he's a
pretty good listener,

once you get his attention.

Junior? My son?

He certainly never
listened to...

Love to chat, can't.

Kind of busy here, Pops.

( sighs )

Oh, very well.

Now, time for a little cinnamon

and y'all know what that mean.

Boo-yah!

( chanting ):
Boo-yah!

We're out of the lamb

but I recommend the stroganoff.

( camera clicking )

Guess what, Kim?

You're going to be
my final project
for Photography.

It's a photo essay I call

"Fashion Never Evers."

( beeping )

Hey, Wade, what's the deal
on Shego and Junior?

What's the deal on your hair.

Nothing!

Shego? Junior?

Okay, I just found something
that might interest you.

I'll fax it.

Cool. Thanks, Wade.

Huh?

( groans )

( beeping )

( door creaking )

Pretty good time...

for a wounded tortoise.

Junior,

how about you and I work on
our evil laughs together, huh?

Just like we used to?

Oh, Father, please!

Can't you see
I'm a wounded porpoise?

SHEGO:
Yeah, no, I said,
"tortoise."

T-T-Tortoise.

See, Father, how
mixed up you make me?

( sighs )

Let's see.

For tomorrow I'm feeling...

chickeny.

( clucking )

Villains Digest.

Bad guys have
their own magazine?

Complete with want ads.

Including one placed
by Senor Senior, Sr.

"Tutor wanted, excellent pay,
meals included."

I bet my meals are better.

Hey, focus, Ron.

Tutor wanted, get it?

That explains what Shego
is doing with Junior.

Hey...

she's tutoring him just like
I'm tutoring you in Home Ec.

Yeah.

Great.

So, now we just have
to figure out

what she's tutoring him for.

Huh?

Hmm.

( grunting )

Not bad.

Hello.

I thought I'd look...

( clock ticking )

( alarm beeping )

( clock ticking )

That was...

perfect, Junior!

You're ready for the real deal.

The Seniors are all about
the challenge.

They only go for stuff
that's really valuable

and heavily guarded.

You know, we could just
run a web search

on the words "really valuable"
and "heavily guarded."

Ron... we're talking
a devious criminal mind here.

It's not as simple as...

WADE:
Got it!

Great idea, Ron.

I can cook, too.

( grunts )

So the most heavily
guarded thing in the world

is a cookie recipe?

Kim...
this isn't just any recipe.

Granny Crocket took
the humble chocolate chip cookie

and raised it to an art form.

( giggling )

Amp down, Ron.

I can hear
your stomach growling.

Not... my... stomach.

Uh, uh, uh, uh.

( gasping )

( dogs snarling )

( snarling, barking )

This here is private property
y'all standing on.

Yeah, hi.
My name is
Kim Possible.

I have reason to believe

your cookie recipe is in danger.

Y'all can relax, darlin'.

We know all about it.

Well, hey, Granny.

Granny Crocket?
No!

You look too young
to be Granny Crocket.

( laughs ):
Well...

Granny had a little work done.

We received this anonymous video
this morning.

SENIOR:
This message is to warn you

that two thieves
will be attempting to steal

your chocolate chip recipe.

JUNIOR:
Father, what are you
doing in the dark?

Junior, no!
The lights!

( laughing )

Oh, Yankees.

( hawks, spits )

Actually, they have their
own European island.

Ain't from Texas,
that's all I now.

Bring 'em on.
We're ready.

My competitors would do anything

to get their paws on my recipe.

This vault is two foot of
titanium, reinforced concrete.

Even if they could get in...

we got a little surprise
for 'em.

Huh?

TEXAN:
Hold up,
little varmint.

( gulps )

Infrared beams.

Back up, Rufus.

So you see, kids,

my recipe is as heavily
guarded as can be.

Much as we all appreciate
all of y'alls concern,

we just fine on our
own, little missy.

He did not just call me,
"little missy."

Free samples, Kim.

Life is good.

Wade, pull up everything you can

on Granny Crocket's
security systems.

Done and done.
What's your plan?

Little missy's going to get
to that cookie recipe

before Shego and Junior do.

Good, right on schedule.
Hold it right there!

Okay, we practiced this.

Just a gentle toss.

( metallic clanking )

SHEGO:
Perfect.
Now the hounds.

You'd think they'd be wise
to the steak trick.

( dogs barking )

( snarling )

Yeah, they're just dumb animals.

Unlike us. Yes!

( dogs growling )

Not bad.

I learned from the best.

Oh, well, that's so sweet.

SHEGO:
Okay, S.S.J.,

you got exactly two minutes,
starting now.

( grunts )

I've got it.

A plus.
Let's bolt.

This is a very strange
secret recipe.

What?

"You are so busted."

Shouldn't there be some mention
of flour, or eggs?

Let me see that.

This isn't...

KIM:
The recipe?
( gasps )

Rufus, go.

( grunts ):
Ta-da!

( alarm sounding )

And everything was going
so well.

( grunting )

That's a cool outfit, guy.

You think so?

I fear it makes me look beefy
in the bootie,

if you know what I mean.

I do and it doesn't.

You are too kind.

Now I must attack!

( grunts )

Okay, Junior's got
some new moves.

Maybe I've got some
new moves, too.

Really?

Really?

( karate yells )

( karate yells continue )

( karate yells )

Those are the same old moves!

( grunting )

( yells )

SHEGO:
You know,
I've discovered

the joys of teaching.

It's very satisfying.

( karate yells )

( sighs )

Ooh, smell that?

Vanilla.

Mmm. 'Nilla.

( yelling )

No where to run, Ron Stoppable.

Let me show you
some other things

I have learned.
( screams )

( Rufus muttering )

( beeping )

( laughs )

RON:
Don't forget
the sprinkles!

( gasps )

( bubbling )

( gasps )

( Kim grunting )

Huh, 14 settings to choose from.

How does whipped Possible
sound to you?

Ooh, or maybe minced Possible.

Fourteen settings?

You know what,

a Kimmie frappe
sounds just right.

( gasps )

Aah!

Have a nice spin.

( Kim coughs )

Kim, do not fear the mixer.

Let the beating of the blades

and the beating of your heart
merge together.

You and the mixer

become one.

( laughs evilly )

( gasps )

( grunting )

Junior isn't the only one
who's been tutored.

Ironic, no?

RON:
You know what?

They belong together.

Hah. In jail.

So, do I pass or fail?

SENIOR:
You both fail.

Young lady, we will
no longer be in need
of your services.

Have it your way, Pops.
( beeping )

I've already made
other arrangements.

Mmm...

You changed my life!

I will never forget you!

SENIOR:
And now, my son,

we will return home and polish
our evil laughs together, huh?

Oh, won't that be nice, huh?

Too bad about your restaurant.

Yeah, well, when the health
inspector saw a live rodent,

you know, serving the food...
the die was cast.

Oh, oh, sorry.

Bright side, I hear that,

like, half the student body
wants to get into Home Ec now.

And Photography is wide open,
you could jump ship.

Nah. I think I'm going
to stick it out here.

Hey... not too
shabby, K.P.

I'm seeing major improvement.

No big.

I've got a great tutor.