Kim Possible (2002–2007): Season 1, Episode 21 - Low Budget - full transcript

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Thanks for helping with my
Marine Biology paper, Jerry.

After all you've done to
help us save the manatees

it's the least I could do, Kim.

( whimpers )

Oh...

( bellows gently )

( screams )

( grunting )

Wha...?

Giant amphibious,
naked mole-rat, 1:00!

Ron, that's a manatee.



Huh?

Punjab is harmless.

( men whooping and hollering )

MAN:
All right!

Wish I could say the same
for the other locals.

( yelling )

Those guys almost
ran over Punjab.

( bellowing )

I'll talk

to them.

( grunting )

Hey, boys.
Huh?
Huh?

This is a wildlife preserve.

Girlie, we are the wildlife.



Yeah!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

She's got to fix her makeup.

( laughing )

Because we are so good looking.

( scoffs )

Not quite.
( beeps )

Earl, what's she doing?

( yelling, grunting )

Yeah!
Yeah!

Ah, ah, help!
I can't swim!

( gasping )

RON:
Way to go, K.P.

Take a victory lap.

Not a good idea.

( growling )

Aah!

Not a sea cow!

Not a sea cow!

( gasps )

Don't worry, K.P.

I'll save you.

Well, doughnuts
always fill me up.

( gasping )

Swim, Kimmie!

( hissing )
Whoo...!

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm your basic average girl ♪

♪ And I'm here
to save the world ♪

♪ You can't stop me
'cause I'm... ♪

♪ Kim Possible ♪

♪ There is nothing I can't do ♪

♪ When danger calls,
just know that I am on my way ♪

♪ Know that I am on my way ♪

♪ It doesn't matter where
or when there's trouble ♪

♪ If you just call my name ♪

♪ Kim Possible ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ When you want to page me,
it's okay ♪

♪ Whenever you need me, baby ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ Doesn't matter where,
doesn't matter when ♪

♪ Doesn't matter when ♪

♪ I will be there for you
till the very end ♪

♪ Danger or trouble,
I'm there on the double ♪

♪ You know that you always
can call Kim Possible. ♪

Tell it to me straight.

It's bad, right?
Sorry, Kim.

The pants are DOA.

They were brand-new Club Banana.

Quick, where's the closest mall?

Miami. But don't worry

there's one store in town
that has everything you need.

Smarty Mart?

Where smart shoppers shop smart.

But it's... discounty.

I know. It's great,
isn't it?

A big Smarty Marty howdy!

Need a map?

She needs pants.

But not to wear.

Just to have.

Because this is an emergency

and, well, otherwise, believe me

( chuckles ):
I wouldn't even be here.

Emergency pants, aisle ten.

Happy Smarty Mart shopping!

You know, Smarty Mart is

a perfectly respectable
place to shop.

It happens to be
where I bought Rufus.

( both sighing ):
Aisle 16.

I am not shopping
for livestock, okay?
( mooing )

I need pants, as in fashion,
as in not Smarty Mart.

I buy clothes
at Smarty Mart.
Mm-hmm.

( shivering )

( seal barking )
What?

( beeping )

That'll be $5.99.

Ten times less than you'd pay

for the same pants
at Club Bananas.

So not the same.

You're such a retail snob.

Please. I am so not.

Now, can we get home
before the Middleton
Mall closes?

Fine. Smarty Mart
never closes.

Ron!
Nothing.

Okay, target in sight.

Ready, Ron? Ron?

Steel Toe versus Pain King.

Ron!

We're on an important
mission here.

How is buying
the same pair of pants

you're current wearing
a mission?

Hello. Smarty Mart pants
and Club Banana pants

are so not the same.

Now, can we get out of here
before someone sees me?

( sighs )

Hi, Kim.

Nice pants.
( gasps )

Double coupon day
at Smarty Mart?

Haven't you heard, Bonnie?

Discount is the new vintage.

I can't wait to tell
the rest of the squad.

Kim Possible is
a Smarty Mart shopper.

See? No one cares
that my pants

were ten times less
expensive if they're
not the same!

Relax, K.P.

Don't let Bonnie Rockwaller

get your cheap pants in a bunch.

Hello, world.

( with accent ):
I am Frugal Lucre.

Who's that?

Please, listen closely.

Freaky freak of the week.

I may not have
a billion dollar laser weapon

or pricey robot army

but I have something
those big budget bad guys lack.

Cheesy accents?

Computer skills.

In 24 hours

the Internet as you know it
will cease to exist.

( muttering )

Uh-huh, that-that's right...
that's right!

Nice 'stache.

The information superhighway
will crash.

Unless... everyone in the world
sends me a dollar.

Or the equivalent
at the current rate of exchange.

To prove I mean business

I have sent you all
a little e-mail.

( laughing evilly )

( static )

( crunching )

What's the sitch, Wade?

Wade?

You don't think
that guy...?
Nah.

Must need new batteries.

You have pants.

Ask for batteries.

You don't understand.

I need these pants!

Yeah, no.

Registers are down.
What?

Somebody whammed
the computer system

with a gazillion e-cards. Jerk.

Frugal Lucre.

Yeah, toasted everything.

Even Smarty Mart.

Smarty Mart?

Why would you mention
Smarty Mart?

Because Club Banana
and Smarty Mart

are owned by the same company.

Duh.

Oh, I suppose that's why

the merchandise
is exactly the same.

Uh, no.

There's a huge difference.

Wow. How did I miss that?

Thanks to this Frugal Lucre

I've got to go home and change.

( yawning )

Whatever.

( zipper closing )

Retail snob.

Shut up.

Here, Mom, for the rag bin.

Kim, these pants look brand-new.

Brand-new from Smarty Mart.

Discountaphobia.

I'm surprised at you, Kim.

You know labels don't matter.

You know, some of the other
rocket scientists

will only use
brand-name heat shields.

But do I fall
for that kind of elitism?

You bet I don't.

Not as long as the
generic shields
are just as good

at half the price.

( sighs ):
You don't wear
heat shields, Dad.

Well... no.

Unless you were plummeting
through the upper atmosphere

then you'd wish
you were wearing them.

( groaning )

( beeping )

Wade, where have you been?

My computer was down.

Frugal Lucre strikes again.

Who is this freak?

No clue.

The broadcast came from, like,
3,000 places at once.

But I may have a lead.

There was a strange voice
in the background.

That's a start.

Playback time.

In 24 hours,
the Internet as you know it

will cease to exist.

( muttering )

Uh-huh, that-that's right...
that's right!

The information superhighway
will crash.

Can you strip out Frugal?

It won't be easy, but...

Done!

( muffled dialogue )

Maybe a little more bass.

And scratch in a chanting monk.

What, it'd be cool.

( unclear dialogue ):
...shippers...

Shippers?

Maybe he's at a shipping yard.

Something tells me
I've heard this voice before.

Slow it down a tad.

MAN:
Attention Smarty Mart shoppers.

"Attention Smarty Mart
shoppers!"

Lucre was broadcasting
from a Smarty Mart!

What kind
of self-respecting villain

threatens the world
from a Smarty Mart?

And so, billions of dollar bills
will soon be mine!

( laughing evilly )

No, uh-uh, no.

( without accent ):
No, that's no sinister enough.

Okay, okay, uh,
maybe if I do the eyebrow thing.

( eyebrows sqeaking )

( door opening )

MAN:
Gorman!

Your 15 is over!

Ooh, sorry, boss.

Scary look.

Ooh, I'm going to use that.

( laughing evilly )

Nice shirt, Kim.

Huh?

Five for 99 cents?

( gasps )

You know, we could just
send this guy his money.

Compared to most evil demands

a dollar per person
is a bargain.

Cost is so not the issue, Ron.

Stopping Lucre is
a point of pride.

Because you always have to get
your bad guy?

Because I need to shop.

Wade, inform me.

No luck. Lucre's broadcast
could've originated

from any Smarty Mart
in the country.

And there's a lot of them.

3,000 nationwide,
with a new store
opening every week.

This week, Poughkeepsie.

Why do you know that?
Never mind.

Give me a freeze-frame
on Lucre, Wade.

Cheap, fake beards

aisle nine.

I can digitize it out.

Now we cross-check this photo
with the store personnel files

and I'm back in business
with Club Banana.

Great idea.

But Smarty Mart's security
is tight.

It'll have to be an inside job.

Inside? As in...?

Plug the communicator

directly into a Smarty Mart
personnel computer.

Which would be...?

In any Smarty Mart store.

Boo-yah!

I need shampoo and underwear.

Yipee!

( groans )

At least I can return the pants.

If you see anyone

who could possible know anyone

we might know, cover me.

MAN:
Ronnie!

A big Smarty Mart howdy to you.

And who's your
mysterious friend?

Oscar, this is Kim.

Now, I know this is going
to sound crazy

but she doesn't want anyone
to know she shops here.

I don't shop here.

Then you don't shop smart.

Next month's circular,
advanced copy.

Five pounds of marshmallows
for a dollar!

How do they do it, Oscar?

Two words, Ronnie:
volume and volume.

( yells )

I hate to drag you away

from the bargain hunt

but we're on
a non-marshmallow
related mission.

But Kim, these prices.

They're out of control!

I'll find the personnel office,
you return these, okay?

Right, I'm on it, K.P.

I'm focused.

MAN:
Attention Smarty Mart shoppers.

Brainstorm in aisle eight.

For the next ten minutes

Pop-Pop Porter's pizza bagels
are two for a dollar.

( cheering )

We are so there!

( sighs )

Huh?

Howdy, smart shopper.

Are you lost?

No. Me.

Just browsing.

Okay, then.

Dumb brain.

( gasps )

One mystery villain
identity coming up.

( door opening )

( gasps )

Z Boy hungry.

Whoops.

Oh, there's my contact lens.

( laughing )

What could be taking her
so long?

Maybe we'd better see
if Kim needs our help...

or a new set of shop towels
on sale for $3.99.

( giggles )

What a deal.

Very

good, Miss Possible.

Not many people realize

that lightbulbs are both
housewares and hardware.

There is a fine line.

How's minimum wage

plus, all the recently expired
canned goods

you can carry sound?

A job?

At Smarty Mart?

Oh, I don't know what to say.

Did you hear that?

Hear what?
That beeping.

Oh, oh. Well, that sounds
like it's coming from...

My computer.

Oh, that's mine.

You know, it can store

up to 300 CDs.

Ah. MP3 player, aisle seven.

Or is it eight?

Um, I bought it
at Smarty Mart online?

Free shipping
on orders over $25.

Yeah. It's spanking.

Wait!

You need a name tag.

I know

I don't have a car,
but I can't resist these prices!

Ron, I got a match.

Frugal Lucre is Francis Lurman.

Francis?

No wonder the dude's twisted.

We've only got a
few hours to get
to Philadelphia

before the dollar deadline.

Philadelphia, huh?

So, we'll need wheels!

Come on,
you Smarty Mart shopper.

By the way, no cash
back without a receipt

but this credit is good

at any Smarty Mart nationwide.

Oh, goodie.

Thanks for the ride, Paulie.

What are you, kidding?

You campaign for
"Alternate Side Of the Street

Parking Awareness"
saved my life over there.

What's 10,000 windshield flyers?

No big.

On three.

BOTH:
One... two

three!

( doorbell ringing )

Hit the dirt!

Hi

Mrs. Lurman.

Is Francis home?

Francis didn't tell me

he had friends coming.

I would have made
more toaster tasties!

We thought we'd surprise him.

He'll be thrilled.

He's in the basement.

Go on down
and make yourselves at home.

Oh, we will.

Shh!

KIM:
Looks like
someone's

been using his
employee discount.

Kim Possible.

We meet at last.

Oh, this is so cool.

Drop it, Mama's boy.

Am not, and don't
come any closer.

This thing's loaded.

With what?

Beef bouillon, if you must know.

Did you ever try
to get the smell out?

Huh, huh? You can't.

( evil laughter )

Ooh.

He's right, Kim.
Do what he says.

MRS. LURMAN:
I thought you kids

might be thirsty

so I brought juice sips.

Ma!

I'm with my friends.

Sorry, Francis.

Could I get anyone
some chips or pretzels?

BOTH:
No, thank you, Mrs. Lurman.

( stairs creaking )

I suppose you're here
to stop me, huh?

But you're too late.

( European accent ):
Soon, the world's
fortune will be mine.

( evil laugh )

Hmm?

Fortune?

You only asked
for a dollar per person.

( his voice ):
As we say at Smarty Mart

"Every dollar counts."

Oh, please.

Face it, Lucre.

You're not a real villain.

You're a... a...
bargain bad guy.

Just 'cause I'm budget conscious
doesn't mean

I'm not every bit as evil
as the other villains.

Oh, sure. They have henchman,
and their fancy lairs

but I deliver
the exact same evil

at a fraction of the cost.

Observe.

BOTH:
Hey!

This is when I should

reveal my evil plan, right?

Go ahead.

Behold.

( European accent ):
Frugal Lucre's world!

Small world...
Francis.

( his voice ):
It was a closeout.

Now, every Smarty affiliate
is connected

via the Internet, right?

Well, all it takes

to release a commerce-crippling
virus... is this.

Ham in can?

Vienna sausages.

I altered the UPC code
to act as the virus trigger.

When this is scanned
through checkout

my virus will be launched

from every single Smarty Mart
at the same time.

Good-bye, e-mail.

Nice to know you, chat rooms.

Sayonara, on-line shopping.

You're planning
to destroy the Internet

with an old can of meat?

Yes.

I get expired food free,
and death rays are expensive.

And just in case
you try anything cute...

Snapping turtles?

Aisle ten. Next
to the goldfish.

( evil laugh )

And they're hungry.

( gasps )

( snapping )

( evil laugh )

Well, he has the laugh down.

( snapping )

( snapping )

( chewing )

( coughing )

Come on, Rufus.

Pretend it's string cheese.

And hello.

DO you have to chew so loud?

Fine. If you want
to fall into a pit

of ravenous snapping turtles,
be my guest.

( snap )

Oh!

( screaming )

Maybe next time

he'll spring for piranha.

Come on. We've got to find
that can of expired sausages.

Mm.

( evil laugh )

And now, an evil genius'
fortune is mine.

( evil laugh )

( horn sounds )

Aw!

$17.28.

Ugh.

All right, that's it.

( accent ):
Citizens of the world,
you have failed.

If you had only bowed to my will

it would have cost you
a mere dollar.

Five minutes from now,
I will destroy the Internet

and cost you millions!

( his voice ):
So, if anyone still wants

to send that buck,
then do it now.

Okay?

MAN:
I ain't sending
you no dollar.

WOMAN:
What is he
talking about?

I ain't sending you
no dollar, all right?

( evil laugh )

Little does she know.

( evil laugh )

MAN:
Howdy

and welcome
to Smarty Mart where...

Smart shoppers shop smart.

I get it, okay?

Kim!

Okay, Lucre.

Cough up the sausages.

Ew!

Rephrase, please.

You're too late.

My Vienna surprise is

already in
place. Observe.

The Internet will be destroyed
in three, two, one...

but, wha... wha?

Oh... no!

That can't be.

She must have put them back
on the shelf.

Canned meat... aisle 22.

I don't even want to think

about how you know that.

Okay, Frugal
Lucre planted
his Internet virus

on an expired can.

And Smarty Mart policy states

"If it's expired, it's retired."

So, it should be easy to find.

Oh, boy.

Attention, Smarty Mart shoppers

we're having a brain storm
in aisle 22.

Vienna sausages.

Ten cans for a dollar!

( stampeding hoofbeats )

( mooing )

( wind whistling )

Well, that was fast.

I'll find Lucre,
you find that can.

I'm on it, KP.

( evil laugh )

Okay. Creepy.

( gasps )

( evil laugh )

Give it up, Lucre.

Never.

( screams ):
Oh!

Oh!

( evil laugh )

Aah?

Try non-fat turkey dogs.

( liquid sloshing )

Can I have that?

Thank you.

Nope, can't have this.

Sorry. Must be
18 years or older.

Ooh, have you tried deviled ham?

It's zesty!

Ooh.

( grunts )

Uh-uh.

These aren't half bad.

( evil laugh )

Can I borrow this?

Please and thank you.

Sir

the future of the Internet
may be in your hands.

Just give the sausages

and nobody gets hurt.

Not at these prices,
bargain boy.

Wow! Look at the price
on that processed cheese!

Oh, the cheese.

$19.99.

Kim, I got the can!

And I've got Lucre.

( grunts )

Thanks for shopping
at Smarty Mart.

Huh?

( store alarm sounds )

( clears throat )

Up against the wall, dirt bag.

Move, move, move!

These are still pretty good.

And what an interesting color.

I got to admit, Lucre

your bargain brand villainy was

right up there

with big budget evil.

You might have stopped me
this time, Kim Possible.

( accent ):
But Frugal Lucre will return!

( evil laugh )

If my mom bails me out.

$1.50 for a soft pretzel?

Cafeteria lady must think
I'm made of money.

Pretzels are on sale,
two for a dollar at Smarty Mart!

No way, KP!

The store manager
was so grateful

he gave me a
hundred-dollar
gift certificate

and it really is silly

to pay designer-label
prices for the same stuff.

Unless you're paying

for a really, really
supercool pair

of boots like these!

You mean,
these boots right here?

Ron! They aren't
exactly the same.

Look. The Smarty Mart
boots come in black.

Club Banana's are onyx.

( grunts )