Kim Possible (2002–2007): Season 1, Episode 12 - Pain King vs. Cleopatra - full transcript
An ancient Egyptian talisman which can give its wearer supernatural strength is stolen from a museum, and Kim and Ron battle the now-supersized thief at a pro wrestling match.
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---
(chanting ):
Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain!
They're getting
closer, K.P.
(chanting ):
Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain!
This way.
Oh, ooh, look out!
Ron, over here.
I think we lost them.
(sighing )
(ferocious barking )
Teeth and slobber!
Teeth and slobber!
(both gasping )
(chanting ):
Steel! Steel! Steel! Steel!
Come on!
(chanting ):
Steel! Steel!
(grunting )
(chanting ):
Steel! Steel!
We'll never make it.
There's got to be
another way in.
(chanting ):
Steel! Steel! Steel!
Pain! Pain...!
(both groups chanting )
Going up.
Come on, Kim.
We've got to get inside.
(yelling )
(yelling )
Whoa!
(both grunting )
(both yelling )
(both grunting )
Next time we come to the mall
let's stick to the
main entrance, okay?
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I'm your basic average girl ♪
♪ And I'm here
to save the world ♪
♪ You can't stop me
'cause I'm... ♪
♪ Kim Possible ♪
♪ There is nothing I can't do ♪
♪ When danger calls,
just know that I am on my way ♪
♪ Know that I am on my way ♪
♪ It doesn't matter where
or when there's trouble ♪
♪ If you just call my name ♪
♪ Kim Possible ♪
♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪
♪ When you want to page me,
it's okay ♪
♪ Whenever you need me, baby ♪
♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪
♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪
♪ Doesn't matter where,
doesn't matter when ♪
♪ Doesn't matter when ♪
♪ I will be there for you
till the very end ♪
♪ Danger or trouble,
I'm there on the double ♪
♪ You know that you always
can call Kim Possible. ♪
You know, I usually like
to go home and change
after a mission.
No time for that, K.P.
Okay, why?
The first 100 fans
not to be trampled
get a free GWA tour T-shirt.
GWA?
How can you not know
the Global
Wrestling Association?
It's only the most excellent
sporting organization
in the world.
Steel Toe rules! Yeah!
(chanting ):
Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain!
All this just because
some wrestlers
are making a mall appearance?
Not "just some."
Pain King and Steel Toe.
Pain King's got a bionic eye.
Don't eventhink
about looking into it
or you'll writhe on the floor
in total pain.
And I suppose
Steel Toe
actually has steel toes.
Nah, that's just
a publicity gimmick.
They're more like titanium,
actually.
A freak industrial accident.
Yeah.
Right.
MAN (on P.A. ):
Listen up, Middleton!
(laughing )
Are you ready for action?
(cheering )
Are you ready for head-bumping,
chest-thumping, back-breaking
ground-shaking confrontation?!
(cheering )
Yeah, baby!
Is that Pain Guy?
Ha. No, that's
Jackie Oakes
founder of the GWA.
Now, here's a little secret.
These two world-class athletes
that I'm about to bring out...
(whooping and cheering )
...hate each other's guts!
(laughing )
Here's... Pain King...
FANS:
Pain! Pain! Pain!
...and Steel Toe!
FANS:
Steel! Steel! Steel!
Pain! Pain! Pain!
Steel!
Pain!
Pain!
Steel!
Steel!
Pain!
Stop him, Steel!
Okay, I'm in the mall,
and I'm not shopping.
What's wrong with this picture?
Wait, wait... w-wrestling
is more than two guys
beating on each other.
It's also a war of words.
You're goingdown!
No, you're going down!
No, you're going down!
No, you're going down!
Yeah, they're poets.
Look, Club Banana's
doing a tie-in
with the museum's
Cleopatra's Closet exhibit.
That's where I'll be.
Hello, civilization!
Oh, my gosh, how much
do you love Cleo's cargoes?
Way much.
BOTH:
You'd look good in Giza green.
Jinx! You owe me a soda.
It makes me sick to
look at you, Leadfoot.
You will be so much sicker
when I stop you
with cold, hard steel!
Let's go, right here, right now.
(cheering )
Now, now, boys, save it
for "Mayhem in Middleton."
(laughing )
Good seats
still available, folks, eh? Eh?
(laughing )
You're going down!
Hey, hey. Oh, oh.
Break it up, there.
Break it up, there.
Oh, ow!
(grumbling )
Hey!
Watch it!
(yelling and grunting )
Do you belong
to our Club Banana Club?
Charter member.
Kim Possible?
I thought it was you.
The stuff you do is so amazing.
Aw, it's no big, but thanks.
I'm Monique.
Just moved here.
Cool. Where do you
go to school?
Middleton High.
Me, too.
I start Monday.
You totally have to let me
show you around.
Deal.
(yelling and grunting )
(yelling )
Kim?!
See you at school.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
(yelling )
Honey, that was
some performance.
You ever think about a career
in professional wrestling?
So not.
I'll tell you what.
Here's two tickets to
"Mayhem in Middleton."
Enjoy yourself on Jackie.
These are backstage passes!
You get to go backstage
with backstage passes
where the backstage is!
And hang out with some guy
named Steel Cage?
Uh, K.P., SteelToe is a guy.
Steel cage is, well, a cage.
You take them.
You can't just give them away.
Do you know
what these are worth?
Okay, you can give them to me.
Hey, let's go back to your house
and watch wrestling
so we can get psyched
to watch wrestling!
Not tonight.
I'm going to
the Cleopatra's
Closet exhibit
at the Middleton Art Museum.
It's a special preview for
Club Banana frequent buyers.
You'd rather see
some dead queen's clothes
than watch Steel Toe's
"Night of 100 Bruises" with me?
My answer would have to be...
hello, yeah.
See you.
Cleopatra.
Like anybody's going
to remember her
ten years from now.
Hey, Kim.
Monique. I should have
known you'd be here.
Exclusive preview...
The queen's accessories.
Girl, it is all good.
I love your pants!
And you... very Cleo.
Good evening.
If you'll follow me.
It's my pleasure to welcome you
to this special
Club Banana preview
of Cleopatra's Closet.
Oh, my goodness!
Call Security and stay together.
Wade, trouble
at the Middleton Museum.
Can you tap the security cam?
Tapping.
(gasping )
Hmm.
(gasping )
(gasping )
You are so busted.
(grunting )
RON:
Woo-hoo!
Toes of steel.
Pain King's down.
Duh. Pain King never
beats Steel Toe.
Ron, you won't believe
what happened tonight.
ALL:
Shh!
Come on, little man!
Let's see what you got!
You're going
down.
(beeping )
What's the sitch, Wade?
ALL:
Shh!
Sorry, Wade, go ahead.
The only thing stolen from
the museum was a small talisman.
It was a gift to Cleopatra
from the high priest of Anubis...
The jackal-headed
Egyptian deity of mummification.
A mummy? Gross.
I bet she would have
rather had nice earrings.
Don't be so sure.
This talisman
was supposedly enchanted.
Oh, come on,
who would believe that?
Maybe that glowing guy
on the roof.
Good point.
What's it supposed to do?
Super-human strength.
Oh, great.
Well, at least
it's not immortality.
I guess.
Thanks, Wade.
"Chaos in Chicago"
will be right back.
So, how are the
queen's old clothes?
I barely got to see them.
Right after I hooked up with
Monique, the museum was robbed
by some glowing-headed
animal guy.
Well, that's nice.
What a minute,
who's Monique?
Whoa!
New friend. Really great.
Anyway, the thieves stole
an enchanted ancient talisman.
Whoa, whoa, back up.
How can I not know
about a new friend?
I met her at Club Banana.
Then again at the museum.
Before I chased
the glowing robber.
So what's she like?
The robber?
The friend, Kim.
The "new" friend.
Ron, focus.
There's a glowing guy
running around Middleton
with some kind of
supernatural powers.
Okay, okay.
Why don't we hit Bueno Nacho
and you can fill me in?
No thanks. Monique and I
stopped for smoothies
on the way home.
(gasps )
Smoothies?
Since when does Kim
drink smoothies?
Mm, smoothies.
I'm seeing
a pattern here, Rufus.
Kim does her thing,
I do my thing
and pretty soon,
we're doing different things.
(groans )
Maybe I'm just blowing
this whole Monique thing
out of proportion.
I'll bet tomorrow everything's
back to normal.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
(doorbell chimes )
Good morning,
Mrs. Doctor Possible.
Hi.
Is Kim ready for school?
You missed her, Ron.
She said something
about meeting Monique.
Monique?
(Rufus groans )
And I'm going to be late
for my cranial bypass.
Say hi to your folks.
(Rufus whimpers )
KIM:
And then once
I was saving this desert prince
from some stupid death squad
and the back of my skirt
was totally caught in my
underwear the whole time.
No way.
I could have died.
He almost did.
RON:
Hello, ladies.
Ron? What are
you doing here?
Can't I dine with my best friend
and her new friend?
Uh, Ron, Monique,
then vice versa.
Bear claw?
No thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
Um, I'm pretty sure
it's imitation bear.
She joking, Ron.
Good one.
Ha-ha-ha-ha. Good one.
So, did Kim tell you
that I'm her sidekick?
'Cause that role's
definitely taken by me.
Right.
Well... you know,
I better get to class.
Later, Kim.
Um... nice
meeting you, Ron.
Likewise, I'm sure.
What is your problem?
You're acting really weird.
Well, let's see.
You went to the museum
with Monique, not me.
Monique was with you
this morning, not me.
Hmm, pattern?
Yeah. You. Weird.
No, we're drifting apart
because you're excluding me.
I am not excluding you.
It's just that you and
Monique are different.
Oh, now you're going to tell me
that sometimes growing up
means growing apart.
I've heard it before, Kim.
Billy Bulwicki, second grade.
You are so blowing
this out of proportion.
Okay, maybe I am.
Ooh, don't forget.
"Mayhem in Middleton," tonight.
Those tickets are for you.
I kind of already made plans
with, uh, Monique.
I blame the smoothies.
Here, Jacky gave these to you.
And I gave them to you.
And I'm giving them back to you.
Except this one.
But only because it'll be
the highlight of my life.
Ron...
(sighs )
So, you're taking
a vacation this year?
Yeah, we went ahead
and rented a cottage
out on Martha's Vineyard.
You know, it'll be nice
to get a chance to relax
with the wife and kids.
Sounds charming.
(knocking at door )
I hate your guts!
I'm taking you down, slime!
Oh, hi, Jackie.
Whew! Man!
I thought you
were a reporter
or something.
(chuckles ):
No, no.
Hey, listen, what
do you guys think about
me getting into the ring
with yous tonight, huh?
(both laughing )
Come on, Jackie, be reasonable.
Yeah. I don't mean
to sell you short...
Oh.
Oh, very funny. V-Very funny.
S-Sorry, man.
I didn't mean it like that.
Stick to promoting, Jackie.
That's what you're good at.
This is all going to change...
tonight.
(sinister chuckling )
Yeah!
Yeah!
Hey, nice seats.
Yeah! Definitely!
But not as nice as mine!
Backstage, baby!
Hm. Mm.
(gasps )
Gonna see my man Steel Toe.
Oh, no, really, golf
is a contact sport,
if you think about it.
It could be something
really fabulous...
That's Steel Toe and Pain King...
So close, I could touch them.
But I won't.
'Cause I'm cool.
Yo, Steel Toe.
'Sup, Pain?
I touched Steel Toe!
Whoo-hoo!
Me, too!
Your gerbil's totally bald, man.
Yes. Thank you.
Could I have an autograph?
Could you make it, um, "To Ron"?
Uh... sure.
Let me get a pen.
Yo, Jackie!
Yeah. Where is that guy?
I need my sunglasses. Pronto.
I'll get them! Can I?
Please? Please? Please?
Sure, kid.
They're in my dressing room.
(Ron squeals )
Let me see if I got
everything now. All right.
Open-toe sandals, check. Yeah.
Ooh, talisman. Ooh, glowing.
That is nice, huh? Ooh. Mm.
All right.
And my ancient papyrus
which I shall now
begin to read from.
"Anubus...
"Protector of the tomb
"your time is now
the time of doom!"
(evil laughter )
(strange whirring )
(yells )
You know what?
I'll just come back later.
(growls )
(grunts )
(gasps )
(whimpering )
You want to be left alone...
I'm down with that.
Tonight, the world will see
the fearsome power of...
the Jackal!
I've seen! I believe!
(yelling )
(grunts )
(all shouting )
What are you doing?!
There's a problem. Him.
Not enough froth
in your latte?
No.
I... I'm just feeling guilty.
I kind of blew off Ron
to be here tonight.
Why didn't you bring him along?
Unless someone put a waiter
in a headlock
this is definitely
not Ron's scene.
Besides, he had a date
with Steel Toe.
He scored tickets
to "Mayhem in Middleton"?
The GWA rocks!
What?
Pretty tacky, I know
but my brother hooked me up.
Pain King's my boy!
I can't believe you and Ron
have something in common.
(beeping )
What up, Wade?
More on the talisman...
If the holder recites
an incantation
from an ancient text
the spirit of Anubus
could actually possess him.
Sounds bad.
So we better find
that ancient text.
Too late.
Somebody already found it.
Some masked guy stole it
from a university in Chicago.
Do you have access
to the police report?
(beeping )
Hmm. The thief was super-short
and the GWA was in Chicago
before Middleton.
I'm sorry, Monique...
I keep running out on you.
(growling )
Who isthis guy?
Man! Beats me.
It's Jackie!
He's got supernatural powers!
Jackie Oakes?
You all said I
was too small to
get in the ring.
(evil chuckling ):
Well...
here I am!
Do you still think
I'm too small?!
(crowd cheering )
This Jackal's awesome!
You made your point, Jackie.
Put them down!
I am no longer Jackie.
I am now...
the Jackal...!
Whoo-hoo!
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Excuse me, um, just going
to squeeze through here.
Out of my way!
First I lose my best friend.
Now professional wrestling.
Everything's ruined!
You didn't lose
your best friend.
K.P.?
And don't worry.
We're going to save
this... this...
Would you call it a sport?
The most excellent one ever.
Let's take him down.
I'd tag-team with
you any day, K.P.
This'll be easy.
(Jackal roaring )
(crowd cheering )
Sweet!
I will take on all comers
in a no-holds-barred
grudge match!
Right here, right now! Come on!
(all booing )
Awesome rockin' effects, bro!
Prepare to be body-
slammered, Jackal.
That'sbody-slammed.
Better let me do it.
(grunting )
(yells )
Ron!
(bones crackling )
(wheezing ):
You go.
Why don't you try it
without the talisman?
Well, why don't you try
and make me?
(gasps )
I am... all powerful!
Ouch!
No duh.
Kim!
You distract him;
I'll go for the talisman.
Distraction. Solid.
Steel Toe's number one!
Jackal who? Jackal who?
Steel Toe's number one!
That's right,
you heard me, old demon.
(Jackal growling )
Oh, boy!
(grunts )
From now on
the world will bow down to me!
As long as he has that
talisman on, this guy
can't be stopped.
Ron, you keep the Jackal busy.
I did that already, and I have
the rope burns to show for it.
It doesn't have
to be for long.
Get them to help.
(both groaning )
We got to keep the Jackal busy.
No way, man. This guy's scary.
There's no way... I don't want
a piece of this guy.
His eyes are glowing!
Gentlemen,
you're not just entertainers.
You're not just gifted athletes.
You're heroes.
BOTH:
Let's get it on!
(yelling )
Let's see what you've got!
(grunts )
Hi.
One chance, buddy.
(chattering )
Gotcha, Rufus!
Hey!
(grunts )
(groaning )
(both growling )
Um... heh-heh...
Guys... be reasonable.
Jackie, you're going down!
(Jackie babbling )
(Jackie yelling )
Dude, that's
the most best awesome
most totally rippin' show
I've ever seen.
Eh, no way, man.
That old Jackal thing
was totally fake.
(crowd cheering )
MONIQUE:
You know, I still
can't believe
you met Pain King and Steel Toe.
I can't believe
you're into wrestling.
I can't believe
I know either one of you.
Enough talk.
In the immortal words
of Pain King
"You're going down!"
Au contraire.
It is you
who will be going down.
First one to drip is the loser.
Better get your bib, baby.
So wrong.
(groans )
Ha-ha! Go!
I think this is the beginning
of a very weird friendship.
---
(chanting ):
Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain!
They're getting
closer, K.P.
(chanting ):
Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain!
This way.
Oh, ooh, look out!
Ron, over here.
I think we lost them.
(sighing )
(ferocious barking )
Teeth and slobber!
Teeth and slobber!
(both gasping )
(chanting ):
Steel! Steel! Steel! Steel!
Come on!
(chanting ):
Steel! Steel!
(grunting )
(chanting ):
Steel! Steel!
We'll never make it.
There's got to be
another way in.
(chanting ):
Steel! Steel! Steel!
Pain! Pain...!
(both groups chanting )
Going up.
Come on, Kim.
We've got to get inside.
(yelling )
(yelling )
Whoa!
(both grunting )
(both yelling )
(both grunting )
Next time we come to the mall
let's stick to the
main entrance, okay?
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I'm your basic average girl ♪
♪ And I'm here
to save the world ♪
♪ You can't stop me
'cause I'm... ♪
♪ Kim Possible ♪
♪ There is nothing I can't do ♪
♪ When danger calls,
just know that I am on my way ♪
♪ Know that I am on my way ♪
♪ It doesn't matter where
or when there's trouble ♪
♪ If you just call my name ♪
♪ Kim Possible ♪
♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪
♪ When you want to page me,
it's okay ♪
♪ Whenever you need me, baby ♪
♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪
♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪
♪ Doesn't matter where,
doesn't matter when ♪
♪ Doesn't matter when ♪
♪ I will be there for you
till the very end ♪
♪ Danger or trouble,
I'm there on the double ♪
♪ You know that you always
can call Kim Possible. ♪
You know, I usually like
to go home and change
after a mission.
No time for that, K.P.
Okay, why?
The first 100 fans
not to be trampled
get a free GWA tour T-shirt.
GWA?
How can you not know
the Global
Wrestling Association?
It's only the most excellent
sporting organization
in the world.
Steel Toe rules! Yeah!
(chanting ):
Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain!
All this just because
some wrestlers
are making a mall appearance?
Not "just some."
Pain King and Steel Toe.
Pain King's got a bionic eye.
Don't eventhink
about looking into it
or you'll writhe on the floor
in total pain.
And I suppose
Steel Toe
actually has steel toes.
Nah, that's just
a publicity gimmick.
They're more like titanium,
actually.
A freak industrial accident.
Yeah.
Right.
MAN (on P.A. ):
Listen up, Middleton!
(laughing )
Are you ready for action?
(cheering )
Are you ready for head-bumping,
chest-thumping, back-breaking
ground-shaking confrontation?!
(cheering )
Yeah, baby!
Is that Pain Guy?
Ha. No, that's
Jackie Oakes
founder of the GWA.
Now, here's a little secret.
These two world-class athletes
that I'm about to bring out...
(whooping and cheering )
...hate each other's guts!
(laughing )
Here's... Pain King...
FANS:
Pain! Pain! Pain!
...and Steel Toe!
FANS:
Steel! Steel! Steel!
Pain! Pain! Pain!
Steel!
Pain!
Pain!
Steel!
Steel!
Pain!
Stop him, Steel!
Okay, I'm in the mall,
and I'm not shopping.
What's wrong with this picture?
Wait, wait... w-wrestling
is more than two guys
beating on each other.
It's also a war of words.
You're goingdown!
No, you're going down!
No, you're going down!
No, you're going down!
Yeah, they're poets.
Look, Club Banana's
doing a tie-in
with the museum's
Cleopatra's Closet exhibit.
That's where I'll be.
Hello, civilization!
Oh, my gosh, how much
do you love Cleo's cargoes?
Way much.
BOTH:
You'd look good in Giza green.
Jinx! You owe me a soda.
It makes me sick to
look at you, Leadfoot.
You will be so much sicker
when I stop you
with cold, hard steel!
Let's go, right here, right now.
(cheering )
Now, now, boys, save it
for "Mayhem in Middleton."
(laughing )
Good seats
still available, folks, eh? Eh?
(laughing )
You're going down!
Hey, hey. Oh, oh.
Break it up, there.
Break it up, there.
Oh, ow!
(grumbling )
Hey!
Watch it!
(yelling and grunting )
Do you belong
to our Club Banana Club?
Charter member.
Kim Possible?
I thought it was you.
The stuff you do is so amazing.
Aw, it's no big, but thanks.
I'm Monique.
Just moved here.
Cool. Where do you
go to school?
Middleton High.
Me, too.
I start Monday.
You totally have to let me
show you around.
Deal.
(yelling and grunting )
(yelling )
Kim?!
See you at school.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
(yelling )
Honey, that was
some performance.
You ever think about a career
in professional wrestling?
So not.
I'll tell you what.
Here's two tickets to
"Mayhem in Middleton."
Enjoy yourself on Jackie.
These are backstage passes!
You get to go backstage
with backstage passes
where the backstage is!
And hang out with some guy
named Steel Cage?
Uh, K.P., SteelToe is a guy.
Steel cage is, well, a cage.
You take them.
You can't just give them away.
Do you know
what these are worth?
Okay, you can give them to me.
Hey, let's go back to your house
and watch wrestling
so we can get psyched
to watch wrestling!
Not tonight.
I'm going to
the Cleopatra's
Closet exhibit
at the Middleton Art Museum.
It's a special preview for
Club Banana frequent buyers.
You'd rather see
some dead queen's clothes
than watch Steel Toe's
"Night of 100 Bruises" with me?
My answer would have to be...
hello, yeah.
See you.
Cleopatra.
Like anybody's going
to remember her
ten years from now.
Hey, Kim.
Monique. I should have
known you'd be here.
Exclusive preview...
The queen's accessories.
Girl, it is all good.
I love your pants!
And you... very Cleo.
Good evening.
If you'll follow me.
It's my pleasure to welcome you
to this special
Club Banana preview
of Cleopatra's Closet.
Oh, my goodness!
Call Security and stay together.
Wade, trouble
at the Middleton Museum.
Can you tap the security cam?
Tapping.
(gasping )
Hmm.
(gasping )
(gasping )
You are so busted.
(grunting )
RON:
Woo-hoo!
Toes of steel.
Pain King's down.
Duh. Pain King never
beats Steel Toe.
Ron, you won't believe
what happened tonight.
ALL:
Shh!
Come on, little man!
Let's see what you got!
You're going
down.
(beeping )
What's the sitch, Wade?
ALL:
Shh!
Sorry, Wade, go ahead.
The only thing stolen from
the museum was a small talisman.
It was a gift to Cleopatra
from the high priest of Anubis...
The jackal-headed
Egyptian deity of mummification.
A mummy? Gross.
I bet she would have
rather had nice earrings.
Don't be so sure.
This talisman
was supposedly enchanted.
Oh, come on,
who would believe that?
Maybe that glowing guy
on the roof.
Good point.
What's it supposed to do?
Super-human strength.
Oh, great.
Well, at least
it's not immortality.
I guess.
Thanks, Wade.
"Chaos in Chicago"
will be right back.
So, how are the
queen's old clothes?
I barely got to see them.
Right after I hooked up with
Monique, the museum was robbed
by some glowing-headed
animal guy.
Well, that's nice.
What a minute,
who's Monique?
Whoa!
New friend. Really great.
Anyway, the thieves stole
an enchanted ancient talisman.
Whoa, whoa, back up.
How can I not know
about a new friend?
I met her at Club Banana.
Then again at the museum.
Before I chased
the glowing robber.
So what's she like?
The robber?
The friend, Kim.
The "new" friend.
Ron, focus.
There's a glowing guy
running around Middleton
with some kind of
supernatural powers.
Okay, okay.
Why don't we hit Bueno Nacho
and you can fill me in?
No thanks. Monique and I
stopped for smoothies
on the way home.
(gasps )
Smoothies?
Since when does Kim
drink smoothies?
Mm, smoothies.
I'm seeing
a pattern here, Rufus.
Kim does her thing,
I do my thing
and pretty soon,
we're doing different things.
(groans )
Maybe I'm just blowing
this whole Monique thing
out of proportion.
I'll bet tomorrow everything's
back to normal.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
(doorbell chimes )
Good morning,
Mrs. Doctor Possible.
Hi.
Is Kim ready for school?
You missed her, Ron.
She said something
about meeting Monique.
Monique?
(Rufus groans )
And I'm going to be late
for my cranial bypass.
Say hi to your folks.
(Rufus whimpers )
KIM:
And then once
I was saving this desert prince
from some stupid death squad
and the back of my skirt
was totally caught in my
underwear the whole time.
No way.
I could have died.
He almost did.
RON:
Hello, ladies.
Ron? What are
you doing here?
Can't I dine with my best friend
and her new friend?
Uh, Ron, Monique,
then vice versa.
Bear claw?
No thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
Um, I'm pretty sure
it's imitation bear.
She joking, Ron.
Good one.
Ha-ha-ha-ha. Good one.
So, did Kim tell you
that I'm her sidekick?
'Cause that role's
definitely taken by me.
Right.
Well... you know,
I better get to class.
Later, Kim.
Um... nice
meeting you, Ron.
Likewise, I'm sure.
What is your problem?
You're acting really weird.
Well, let's see.
You went to the museum
with Monique, not me.
Monique was with you
this morning, not me.
Hmm, pattern?
Yeah. You. Weird.
No, we're drifting apart
because you're excluding me.
I am not excluding you.
It's just that you and
Monique are different.
Oh, now you're going to tell me
that sometimes growing up
means growing apart.
I've heard it before, Kim.
Billy Bulwicki, second grade.
You are so blowing
this out of proportion.
Okay, maybe I am.
Ooh, don't forget.
"Mayhem in Middleton," tonight.
Those tickets are for you.
I kind of already made plans
with, uh, Monique.
I blame the smoothies.
Here, Jacky gave these to you.
And I gave them to you.
And I'm giving them back to you.
Except this one.
But only because it'll be
the highlight of my life.
Ron...
(sighs )
So, you're taking
a vacation this year?
Yeah, we went ahead
and rented a cottage
out on Martha's Vineyard.
You know, it'll be nice
to get a chance to relax
with the wife and kids.
Sounds charming.
(knocking at door )
I hate your guts!
I'm taking you down, slime!
Oh, hi, Jackie.
Whew! Man!
I thought you
were a reporter
or something.
(chuckles ):
No, no.
Hey, listen, what
do you guys think about
me getting into the ring
with yous tonight, huh?
(both laughing )
Come on, Jackie, be reasonable.
Yeah. I don't mean
to sell you short...
Oh.
Oh, very funny. V-Very funny.
S-Sorry, man.
I didn't mean it like that.
Stick to promoting, Jackie.
That's what you're good at.
This is all going to change...
tonight.
(sinister chuckling )
Yeah!
Yeah!
Hey, nice seats.
Yeah! Definitely!
But not as nice as mine!
Backstage, baby!
Hm. Mm.
(gasps )
Gonna see my man Steel Toe.
Oh, no, really, golf
is a contact sport,
if you think about it.
It could be something
really fabulous...
That's Steel Toe and Pain King...
So close, I could touch them.
But I won't.
'Cause I'm cool.
Yo, Steel Toe.
'Sup, Pain?
I touched Steel Toe!
Whoo-hoo!
Me, too!
Your gerbil's totally bald, man.
Yes. Thank you.
Could I have an autograph?
Could you make it, um, "To Ron"?
Uh... sure.
Let me get a pen.
Yo, Jackie!
Yeah. Where is that guy?
I need my sunglasses. Pronto.
I'll get them! Can I?
Please? Please? Please?
Sure, kid.
They're in my dressing room.
(Ron squeals )
Let me see if I got
everything now. All right.
Open-toe sandals, check. Yeah.
Ooh, talisman. Ooh, glowing.
That is nice, huh? Ooh. Mm.
All right.
And my ancient papyrus
which I shall now
begin to read from.
"Anubus...
"Protector of the tomb
"your time is now
the time of doom!"
(evil laughter )
(strange whirring )
(yells )
You know what?
I'll just come back later.
(growls )
(grunts )
(gasps )
(whimpering )
You want to be left alone...
I'm down with that.
Tonight, the world will see
the fearsome power of...
the Jackal!
I've seen! I believe!
(yelling )
(grunts )
(all shouting )
What are you doing?!
There's a problem. Him.
Not enough froth
in your latte?
No.
I... I'm just feeling guilty.
I kind of blew off Ron
to be here tonight.
Why didn't you bring him along?
Unless someone put a waiter
in a headlock
this is definitely
not Ron's scene.
Besides, he had a date
with Steel Toe.
He scored tickets
to "Mayhem in Middleton"?
The GWA rocks!
What?
Pretty tacky, I know
but my brother hooked me up.
Pain King's my boy!
I can't believe you and Ron
have something in common.
(beeping )
What up, Wade?
More on the talisman...
If the holder recites
an incantation
from an ancient text
the spirit of Anubus
could actually possess him.
Sounds bad.
So we better find
that ancient text.
Too late.
Somebody already found it.
Some masked guy stole it
from a university in Chicago.
Do you have access
to the police report?
(beeping )
Hmm. The thief was super-short
and the GWA was in Chicago
before Middleton.
I'm sorry, Monique...
I keep running out on you.
(growling )
Who isthis guy?
Man! Beats me.
It's Jackie!
He's got supernatural powers!
Jackie Oakes?
You all said I
was too small to
get in the ring.
(evil chuckling ):
Well...
here I am!
Do you still think
I'm too small?!
(crowd cheering )
This Jackal's awesome!
You made your point, Jackie.
Put them down!
I am no longer Jackie.
I am now...
the Jackal...!
Whoo-hoo!
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Excuse me, um, just going
to squeeze through here.
Out of my way!
First I lose my best friend.
Now professional wrestling.
Everything's ruined!
You didn't lose
your best friend.
K.P.?
And don't worry.
We're going to save
this... this...
Would you call it a sport?
The most excellent one ever.
Let's take him down.
I'd tag-team with
you any day, K.P.
This'll be easy.
(Jackal roaring )
(crowd cheering )
Sweet!
I will take on all comers
in a no-holds-barred
grudge match!
Right here, right now! Come on!
(all booing )
Awesome rockin' effects, bro!
Prepare to be body-
slammered, Jackal.
That'sbody-slammed.
Better let me do it.
(grunting )
(yells )
Ron!
(bones crackling )
(wheezing ):
You go.
Why don't you try it
without the talisman?
Well, why don't you try
and make me?
(gasps )
I am... all powerful!
Ouch!
No duh.
Kim!
You distract him;
I'll go for the talisman.
Distraction. Solid.
Steel Toe's number one!
Jackal who? Jackal who?
Steel Toe's number one!
That's right,
you heard me, old demon.
(Jackal growling )
Oh, boy!
(grunts )
From now on
the world will bow down to me!
As long as he has that
talisman on, this guy
can't be stopped.
Ron, you keep the Jackal busy.
I did that already, and I have
the rope burns to show for it.
It doesn't have
to be for long.
Get them to help.
(both groaning )
We got to keep the Jackal busy.
No way, man. This guy's scary.
There's no way... I don't want
a piece of this guy.
His eyes are glowing!
Gentlemen,
you're not just entertainers.
You're not just gifted athletes.
You're heroes.
BOTH:
Let's get it on!
(yelling )
Let's see what you've got!
(grunts )
Hi.
One chance, buddy.
(chattering )
Gotcha, Rufus!
Hey!
(grunts )
(groaning )
(both growling )
Um... heh-heh...
Guys... be reasonable.
Jackie, you're going down!
(Jackie babbling )
(Jackie yelling )
Dude, that's
the most best awesome
most totally rippin' show
I've ever seen.
Eh, no way, man.
That old Jackal thing
was totally fake.
(crowd cheering )
MONIQUE:
You know, I still
can't believe
you met Pain King and Steel Toe.
I can't believe
you're into wrestling.
I can't believe
I know either one of you.
Enough talk.
In the immortal words
of Pain King
"You're going down!"
Au contraire.
It is you
who will be going down.
First one to drip is the loser.
Better get your bib, baby.
So wrong.
(groans )
Ha-ha! Go!
I think this is the beginning
of a very weird friendship.