Kim Possible (2002–2007): Season 1, Episode 11 - Coach Possible - full transcript

Kim takes over coaching her brothers' soccer team, but her hyper-competitiveness means that she may be the only one playing! Senior Senior Junior plots his first evil scheme... but why does it look more like he's setting up a disco?

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(country music playing )

(music stops )

Now, boys...

You said we should practice.

You also said we can't touch
the ball with our hands.

Save it for the field, boys.

First time coaching?

Is it that obvious?

Your lack of protective gear
gave it away.

Sorry.
Sorry.

(brakes squeaking )



Kimmie, would you go in
and get them, please?

(whining ):
Mom... they're your kids.

I hate this place. You go.

I'll give you $5.

But the place reeks
of burnt pizza.

(gasps )

Not the puppy dog pout...
That's mine.

(scoffs )

Okay. But keep
the engine running

for a quick getaway.

(people talking )

RON:
Kim. K.P.

Ron, what are you doing here?

I come for the games but I stay
for the burnt pizza smell.



(sniffing ) Mmm...

(blipping )
Oh!

(laughing )

Hoo-hoo, I win!

Rematch!

Have you seen my dad
and the tweebs?

(Rufus laughing )

Give me that ball, right now!

I'm not just saying this
as your father

but as your coach.

(grunting )

(Father yelling )

Dad!

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm your basic average girl ♪

♪ And I'm here
to save the world ♪

♪ You can't stop me
'cause I'm... ♪

♪ Kim Possible ♪

♪ There is nothing I can't do ♪

♪ When danger calls,
just know that I am on my way ♪

♪ Know that I am on my way ♪

♪ It doesn't matter where
or when there's trouble ♪

♪ If you just call my name ♪

♪ Kim Possible ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ When you want to page me,
it's okay ♪

♪ Whenever you need me, baby ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ Doesn't matter where,
doesn't matter when ♪

♪ Doesn't matter when ♪

♪ I will be there for you
till the very end ♪

♪ Danger or trouble,
I'm there on the double ♪

♪ You know that you always
can call Kim Possible. ♪

Kimmie, the team needs a coach.

Just until I'm back on my feet.

You cannot be serious.

I don't know the first
thing about soccer.

What's to know?
You're wonderful
with children.

(grunting )

Denied!

(grunting continues )

(glass breaking )

Those are not children!

I'm not even sure
if they're human!

(blipping )
(gasps )

Wade, what's the sitch?

There's been some trouble

at J.P. Bearymore's
Pizza Party-Torium.

Tell me about it.

My dad's totally out of action.

No, Kim, after you guys left.

They were robbed.

Somebody stole J.P. Bearymore!

At least you still have

the backup band.

The bear was totally carrying
those hacks.

J.P. is the
state-of-the-art

in animatronic musicians.

(clanking )

(chuckles nervously )

Whoever those thieves are

they're not subtle.

(high-pitched laughter )

No, no, a villainous laugh
needs to be deep

from the diaphragm. Try again.

(groans )

The laugh is not important.
I have the bear.

Yes, but why stop at the bear?

I have no use for the otter,
and the beaver was off-key.

(sighs ):
Junior...

a true archvillain
doesn't leave behind

a perfectly good otter.

I thought this was my crime
to run.

Yes, of course... provided
you make sound decisions.

Fine, I will get the otter.

And the beaver.

Whatever.

That bear

is quite a piece of work, Kim.

State of the art,
inside and out.

Okay, so we need to think about
who might want it.

Industrial rivals?

Other animal bands?

(electronic whirring )

Pizzapotamus!

No!

Ron.

Not Pizzapotamus!

(grunts )

(Ron screaming )

It's Senor Senior, Senior

and Senor Senior, Junior.

Looks like we picked up
a few passengers.

Kim Possible
and her sidekick-type friend

whose name escapes me.

What is your name
again, young man?

It's Ron! Ron Stoppable!

That's right.
I will smash them

into a building.

Junior, no.

(yelling )

I do not like this at all.

You cannot simply
smash your foe.

Why not?

You must give your foe a chance.

To do what?

To shimmy up the cable

and try something heroic.

Quick, shimmy up the cable.

You're closer, you shimmy.

Have you ever seen me shimmy?
It's not pretty.

(both yelling )

(yelling )

Hang on!

(Ron yelling )

(both grunting )

(moaning )

Come on.
We don't have much time.

Ron... they're in a helicopter.

We'll never catch them.

Who's talking about them?

Bueno Nacho closes
in three minutes.
I'm starving.

Yeah, I'm hungry.

(school bell ringing )

K.P., this can't go on.

What?

Studying in study hall...

It sets a bad precedent.

(blowing raspberries )

Don't worry.
It's not schoolwork.

Working on the Senior

and Junior case?

Wrong again.

Aah... soccer.

Or as the English call it,
football.

So you know a lot about soccer?

Oh, yes. I will teach you
all I know.

Let's see, soccer is the world's
most popular sport.

You can't touch the ball
with your hands...

Unless you're the goalie.

Really? Okay, well, that's it.

The student has surpassed
the teacher.

Nap time.

(groans )

(blipping )

(object whizzing through air )

Keep 'em coming, Ron.

(grunting )

Are you the goalie?

No, Katlin's the goalie.

Then no hands.

(grunting )

Cool. Let me try.

Wait, your approach
is all wrong.

Like this.

Take it, Tim.

I got it, Katlin.

Okay, here's a give and go.

See, pass it right
back to the person

who passed it to you.

I could've done that myself.

There's no "I"
in "team."

And there's no fun in soccer.

Not with her hogging the ball.

No, no, no, let me show you.

(grunting )

Do it like this.

(both growling )

Junior, I do not approve
of a sign.

Your lair should be secret.

But I want people to find me.

So it is a trap.
Aah, clever boy.

Father, it is my scheme.

Yes, yes, of course.

I just want to see
if it is evil enough.

Please! I assure you

it will be the greatest
achievement of my life.

Greatest evil achievement.

Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

(evil laughter )

KIM:
Keep it moving.

Use both sides of your feet.

Here, I'll show you.

Is she scaring you too?

Oh, yeah.
Uh, mmm, uh-huh.

I am so glad
I'm just the equipment...

KIM:
Equipment manager!

(both grunting )

Blow these up! Hurry!

(groaning )

(whistle blowing )
(grunting )

(gasping )

I wasn't ready. Do over.

There are no do-overs
in a real game.

(gasping )

Come on. Hustle!

(grunting )

Whoa!

(grunting )

(growling )

(grunting, groaning )

Ugh... whoa... huh...

KIM:
Heads up.

Survey the field.

Keep the ball moving.

(blipping )

What's the sitch, Wade?

How's the coach thing going?

Getting there.

Visualize goals!

Visualize...
Senor Senior, Senior.

(gasps ):
What did you say?

Triple "S" has struck again.

Listen up, team.

I've got to jet.

(cheering )

It's that kind of attitude
that says extra header practice.

Now remember, hustle.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

(team groaning )

That's not hustle.

WOMAN:
Our company has invented
a revolutionary new gas

that burns 100 times brighter
than neon.

Doesn't look so bright to me.

(screaming )

(electrical zapping )

(machine winding down )

Yes, it's quite bright,
isn't it?

Not as bright
as the stolen prototypes

but very bright all the same.

Now, what makes you think

Senor Senior stole it?
(screaming )

They left this.

Good day.

Unless you're watching this
after dark

in which case, good evening.

So Junior.

You are no doubt wondering

why we have taken
your super neon...

What are you doing?

A video calling card.

It will be my
villainous trademark.

Ow!

Have you studied
villainy at all,
Junior?

Father...

(static crackling )

What do you make of it?

Family issues.

RON:
My eyes!

(door opening, closing )

How's it going, Kimmie?

Okay. Usual villain stuff.

I meant the soccer practice.

Uh-oh.

(crickets chirping )

Okay, team.

That should be about enough.

(groaning )

(thudding )

Same time tomorrow.

Oh, my legs hurt.

I can't even feel my legs.

So, how are my star players?

You two better get
a good night's sleep.

Tomorrow we gofull contact.

Isn't soccer pretty
muchno contact?

That's what the other teams
think.

You get one chimirito
and they give you, like

a dozen little packets
of Diablo sauce.

You can't possibly
use all this sauce.

Somewhere, there's a landfill
loaded with unopened hot sauce.

And someday,
I'm going to find it.

You know,
if I put on the uniform

I could pass as a tall

ten-year-old.

What do you think?

(Rufus screams )

I think it's just a game

and your natural competitive
Kimness has taken you

to a very dark place.

The team needs an edge.

You're the coach!

I'm a hands-on coach.

Hands-on soccer.

Interesting.

(blipping )

Wade, do you think it's wrong

to try to pitch in
to help my team?

Like fund-raising?

Like playing forward.

Then I'd have to say yes.

So, what's the sitch?

Watch this: Junior calls it
his video calling card.

(disco music playing )

You love the nightlife?

Love to boogie?

Then come on over to Club Lair

the globe's newest
and hottest disco.

Hmm...
he loves the camera.

And the camera loves him.

Club Lair is conveniently
located in Europe.

Drive a little, party a lot.

Well, they shouldn't be hard
to find.

Yeah, the map helps.

Hmm.

What?

I did not say a thing.

You did.
You said, "Hmm."

I did not mean
to say, "Hmm."

It is your evil disco, not mine.

Good. Now, ready...

steady...

go!

(disco music plays )

♪ Let's dance ♪

♪ Everybody,
come and dance now ♪

Yes, yes.

Very nice,
but where is the villainy?

Father, please.

I want to do this on my own.

(gull cawing )

KIM:
Thanks for the ride,
Mr. Blumberg.

I owe you one, Kim.

I never would have gotten

around the world in 80 days

if you hadn't have saved me

from that hurricane.

Anyone could have steered

a hot air balloon
through gale-force winds.

I'm just glad Ron was around

to serve as a ballast.

This time I'm staying
inside the basket.

(laughs )

Oh, yeah.

I hope this doesn't
take too long.

I promised the team
I'd do some power drills today.

Power drills?

That sounds harsh.

Hey, no pain, no gain.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Kim, the team wanted me
to talk to you about your...

coaching technique.

What about my
coaching technique?

Too much technique,
not enough coach.

What's that supposed to mean?

They just want to have fun, Kim.

Winningis fun, Ron.

See, that's your Kimness
talking.

Well

Iam Kim.

It's just a game...

with small children...

who cry
when they see you coming.

Fine. We'll let the team decide
when we get back.

MR. BLUMBERG:
Going down.

So, you taught the animals

to cha-cha-cha.

Now, tell me
your villainous scheme.

My plan is this:

As the funny animals
dance to the pounding beat

the crowd will be inspired
to do the same.

And then?

We will party all night long.

Everyone will dance?

That is your evil plan?

And...

I will overcharge for beverages.

(chuckles )

KIM:
Sorry to break
up the party

Señor Seniors.
(gasps )

RON:
What have that done
to Pizzapotamus?

And where's

J.P. Barrymore's banjo?

JUNIOR:
I am so sorry

but tonight is my grand opening.

It will be most inconvenient
to give up now.

Did you see the thing
with the eyebrow?

Nice touch, no?

Uh, K.P., other than wrapping
Pizzapotamus in polyester

this doesn't seem very evil.

See?

What did I tell you?

I'm sorry, my friends

but this nightclub
is rather exclusive

and you're not
on the guest list.

Ah, the clever threat.

Good, Junior.

Now, you must follow through

with the display
of violent anger.

But I'm mildly put off at best.

Just throw something.

But Father,
I just had my nails buffed

for the gala opening.

(facial bones cracking )

Junior, this is not a party.

This is not a disco.

This is not fooling around.

Sunglasses indoors?

How stylish.

(grunting )

Oh, man.

Huh?

(gasping )

No longer will you interfere,
Kim Possible.

Now, you are under my control.

Junior, now is the time.

What?

The villainous laugh, Junior.

But now I don't
feel like laughing.

Laugh.

(chuckles )

Ah, I've heard worse.

(disco music plays )

♪ Let's dance ♪

What have you done, Father?

The intense light
of the super neon is refracted

into an hypnotic pattern

by the modified disco ball.

(gasps ):
You modified
my disco ball?

But now they're standing still.

Everyone must dance.

(disco music swells )

♪ Let's party,
come and dance now ♪

Gotta dance.

Can't stop dancing.

Oh, let's boogie. Oh, yeah.

Did I not mention

that the hypnotic victim
responds

to the first suggestion given?

They dance well for
hypnotized people.

Junior, now is not the time.

Europe's elite will be here
in a few hours.

Yes.

To get down with our bad selves.

No.

To be hypnotized pawns
in our plan to take over

everything.

But that is notmy plan.

It is now.

(crowd chattering )

(camera shutter clicking )

Ready?

Whatever.

This is no longer my party.

Junior, you can
party all you want

when we control everything.

I don't want to control.

I just want to...

No. Do no speak
the "D" word.

Ambassador, so pleased
you could make it.

♪ Come on, yeah, get on down ♪

(mechanically ):
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Crowd is starting to perk up.

Not for long.

(beeping )

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Get on down ♪

♪ Hey... yeah ♪

(gasping )

(beeping )

Hello

Europe.

This is Señor Senior, Senior.

I am in command of a disco
filled with fabulous VIPs.

Can you speak up, sir?

The music is awfully loud.

In exchange
for these very important persons

I demand that you name me King.

King of Everything.

I'm going to have
to have someone get
back to you on this.

(dial tone )

WADE:
Kim?

Kim?!

(whirring )

(gasps )

Can't talk. Dancing.

Oh, my gosh.

(whirring )

(beeping )

A hypnotic disco ball?

Help!

Help is on the way, Rufus.

♪ Hey... yeah ♪

Oh, man.

Now.

Oh.

Hmm.

You rock, Wade.

♪ A-get, a-get,
a-get down ♪

Let's get this
blackmail over with

so that party can start.

Patience

my son.

We are on the verge
of being royalty.

Fine. Whatever.

Then we can all...

Don't say it.

Sorry, Seniors.

Cancel the coronation.

SENIOR SENIOR:
Ah

Kim Possible.

You are so resourceful.

Unlikesome people
I could mention.

Always the put-downs,
but where is the praise?

Where, Father?

Now is not the time, Junior.

Senior, Senior sounds

like a certain
soccer coach
I know.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, does he have too much
Kimness now, too?

Not exactly.

He's just a control freak.

You're...

Well, yeah, you are like...

Wow, that's weird.

You know, Kim Possible

the disco ball is not
the only thing

I modified.

(both gasping )

(screaming )

♪ Dance ♪

♪ Got to kick it,
got to kick it ♪

J.P. Barrymore's
gone rogue.

First they take his banjo.
Now this?

Attack, my robotic animal pawns.

♪ Got to kick it,
got to kick it ♪

♪ Got to kick it ♪

♪ Give it up, huh ♪

Not Pizzapotamus!

Ron, we can't let those
innocent people get hurt.

Not to mentionus
innocent people.

Wade, can you hack
into the system

controlling the animals?

Kim, it's the most
sophisticated computer system

I've ever seen.

It's a banjo-playing bear.

He took his banjo!

I can't hack the bear.
Let me try the beaver.

Father has made my party

a major drag.

Everybody, dance.

(disco music plays )

♪ Let's dance ♪

Junior, what have you done?

(gasps )

I'm in.

♪ Let's party,
come and dance now ♪

Kim, I took out the otter
and the beaver.

Sweet, Wade.

Kim?

Help!

Bear, bear, bear!

♪ Come and dance now ♪

♪ Let's party,
come and dance now ♪

(screaming )

♪ Let's party,
come and dance now ♪

I'll be right down.

No, Coach Possible.

This is my ball.

♪ Let's party,
come and dance now ♪

♪ Let's dance ♪

(whirring )

(explosion )

Goal!

(whirring )

This is the last time
I let you run the show.

If you had let run it

none of this
would have happened.

Nice hustle.

(beeping )

(coughing )

I hate it when they get away.

(grunting )

Let's go.

I've got to do some
hands-off coaching.

Good shot.

Next time try
for the other team's goal.

BOTH:
You got it.

The important thing is
that they're having fun.

I'm glad you see that now.

Whatever.

Kimmie, you better perk up.

You're the coach.

Not anymore, Dr. P.

While Kim was learning to let go

the team let her go.

Who's coaching then?

The guy with the banjo.

Way to go, team.

Kick that ball.
Way to go.