Killing Eve (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 1 - Slowly Slowly Catchy Monkey - full transcript

Eve: Our team was sent out

to look into a string of
international assassinations.

There didn't seem to be
a whole lot connecting them

except for this
female assassin...

Villanelle.

A woman in London is
investigating your work.

Villanelle:
What's her name?

Eve Polastri.

Promise you won't be naughty.

I want to have dinner with you!

Eve: Who do you work for?



Why are you killing
these people?

The organization calls
themselves the Twelve.

I want you out of this.

If you value our life, you will.

Why are you and Villanelle
so interested in each other?

Eve: I think about you
all the time.

What you feel
when you kill someone.

I really liked you.

Carolyn:
She's on the move.

She stabbed you?
Didn't she tell you?

Konstantin:
I can't do this anymore.

I want the recipe
to your shepherd's pie.

You gonna leave us alone now?
Of course not.

I need your help
with something important.



You really mustn't kill anyone.

Villanelle.

You wanted him dead.

You'll get over it.

I'm gonna find Kenny

and tell him everything
you've done.

He already knows.

You have to leave Eve behind.

It's finished.

Ow! Do it.

You have a gun?

You wanted me to do it.

You're mine.
No.

I thought you were special.

I'm sorry to disappoint.

Especially if that love,

introduces themselves,

by marching up to you
in the middle of the airport,

saying, "I'm going
wherever you are going."

This day, this speech,

and this toast...

Is for us.

We love you!

If I'd have known
getting married

would be this much fun,

I'd have done it
loads more by now.

When I first met Maria...

I thought, "Great shoes."

But then I learned,

there's so much
more to her than that.

She also has a great house,

and a pool and tailor.

Hairdresser.

It really is the all-around
excellent package.

When we met...

I'd just had
a really bad breakup.

It was really bad.

But when I think
about my ex today...

I realise...

I am so much happier
now she's dead.

This is my special day.

Sincere...

Congratulations!

Stop it!

Apparently,
I've lost their trust.

Was that something
you ever wanted to find?

Not quite.

The problem being,

they've brought someone in
to oversee the desk.

Someone dreadful, I might add.

You're joking.

Diane doesn't joke.

She's too constricted.

And she specifically chose,

a Whitehall Warrior

in a rather successful attempt

to irritate me.

So we're basically
being overseen

by a massive wanker.
Precisely.

What would you like?
Orecchiette please, Sam.

I mean, Diane's
been waiting
for years

to strike back at me,
and now's her chance.

She is a prime example
of upper level

preventing the real work
from being done.

Bureaucracy in all its glory.

Parmigiano?

Carolyn?

Here we go.

I hear you've been very naughty.

Have I? How thrilling.

This is Mo Jafari.

A very promising young agent,

who I unearthed in Comms
of all places.

Mo, Paul Bradwell.

Paul was once
the rising star of MI6

until he defected
to the other side.

I don't think the Foreign Office

can be considered
the other side, Carolyn.

Don't you?

I'm back now, with bells on.

So we can hear you coming?

Oh, we're always
like this, aren't we?

Yes. Yes, we are.

Now listen, I understand
you're feeling a bit chippy,

but I honestly had no idea

they were going
to ask me to run
the desk.

Oversee, Paul, not "run".

Oversee.

Whatever you say.

You know, I very
nearly called you
over Christmas.

I was going through
a terrible divorce

and I thought, if anybody knows

how to get through this,
it's Carolyn.

She's done it enough times.

Divorces are easy.

It's marriages that are
impossibly hard.

Are you joining us?

No, no, no.
I have to dash.

Lunch with the chief.

We're going to make
a fabulous team.

And Carolyn,

I'm so sorry about
the whole office debacle.

They told me I had to take yours

as it was closer
to the department.

Paul, I don't even know
where my office is.

Good luck with Diane.

I hear she's in a feisty mood.

Three clean-up operations,
unauthorised.

The employment of former
MI5 agents, unauthorised.

Safe-housing an FSB agent...

Unauthorised.

Former agent, Hugo Turner,

who is currently, suing MI6

for injuries incurred

during your operation in Rome,

also unauthorised.

£416.27, unpaid lunches

at the canteen.

And that's to say nothing
of Polastri's fate.

Well, Carolyn, what on earth

do you have to say for yourself?

Hey, watch it!

Screw you.

We have been watching you
since Rome.

You know that, don't you?

You're not easy to replace.

You should see
some of the cretins

they send for me to train.

If you did ever want back in,

I can get you more
of everything.

Money, travel, apartment.

All better than you've ever had.

You're so talented.

You're the best
I ever trained. You're...

"Destined for greatness."
Destined for greatness.

It's true.

You have brilliant career
ahead of you, Oksana...

Do you think I'm stupid?

Do you think I'm stupid?

I'm still champion.

Best out of three.

Kopveska?

I get them imported to...
Yeah!

Hey, that is cheating.

So...

If I do ever want to come back,

and you give me
all this amazing stuff...

What's in it
for you? Hmm?

Knowing my most talented student

is doing work of her destiny.

Uh-uh.

I repeat...

What is in it for you?

If I get you back
and working well...

They will send me home,
to Russia.

Whatever you want, I will do it.

I will get you anything.

Just tell me.

Trust me.

Power is there
for the taking, Oksana.

You just have to be
smart about how.

Slowly, slowly, catch a monkey.

A Keeper.

I want to be a Keeper.

A Keeper is big.

Higher than Konstantin,
it's higher than me.

You said what I wanted,
that's what I want.

Ah-ha. Okay, okay.

We... We can
work with this.

Right?
Yeah, we can work with this.

She wants to be Keeper.

"Oksana, the Keeper."

Oksana wants to be Keeper.

Oksana, the Keeper.

I will go to them tomorrow
and I will say she wants...

"Villanelle."

You call me Villanelle.

Okay. Okay.
Villanelle.

Are you all right?
Ow!

No, I'm not.

Some bastard's been stealing
my Tangfastics again.

Better call in the troops.

Well, you joke,
but theft is theft,
my friend.

Tangfastics today,
data tomorrow.

Hi.
Hey.

Pop quiz tonight?

Erm, I can't this evening.

But we need you for all
the football questions.

I'm meeting someone.

A friend.

And I'm not the only one
who knows about football.

You have friends?
Ha.

You realise to fit in here,

you have to be socially inept

like the rest of us.

Oh, I'm that too.
Don't worry.

So, who's the friend?

It's erm...
It's nothing, really.

You know, a normal person

would flake on their friend

when something better turns up.

Well, remind me not to
rely on you for anything.

I liked your piece

on evasive jellyfish
migration, by the way.

Thanks. I liked yours.

Oh, wait, you haven't
written anything, have you?

I'm working on it.

I don't care!

No, you promised us...

You said he doesn't push it
if it's not ready, right?

I said that about me.

Look, I could help you,

if you tell me what it's about.

I don't really know yet.

Okay, then.

Unbelievable!

I will find you.

I like the kitchen.

I like the kitchen.

Okay.

I'll take this.

This is sweet.
Are you visiting?
Yes.

No. This is
for my daughter.

She likes London, does she?

She hates everything about it.

That's why I'm sending it.

One and two,

and stretch your legs!

And finish!

Are you crying?
Don't be a wimp.

When you really, really

want to piss her off,

you say, "Russia
is a corrupt state,

"clinging to the shadows
of its Soviet glory."

You see this woman?
She was useless just like you,

but I showed her
how to be strong.

And fight dirty.
Yes.

Fight dirty,
but listen to Dasha.

Now piss off.

And tomorrow,
I want you on fire.

I scared the shit out of them.

Really?

They're open to it.

That doesn't sound like a yes.

They'll promote you
with full benefits,

but first you have to show them

you're up to the job.

No. That's not
what I asked for.

It's a process.

Nothing good comes fast.
You know that.

Slowly, slowly...
Enough with the monkey!

A good solid job, nice,

political agitator...

And local, too.

Plus, big, fat,
welcome-home bonus.

Have fun with it.

Your work was always
so inventive and fresh.

Almost as good as mine.

Better than yours.

Hmm?
Hmm.

You know they still
study my kills,

for their brilliance?

My work remains
totally untouchable...

Because it's out of date.

Do you want this job or not?

Shit.

First message.

Second message.

Dad, you need to come home now.

Mum's driving me crazy...

And her sack of shit
boyfriend is...

Delivery?

A total dick.

And I need you to come back
and get me.

Why are you still in that
damp dump of a country anyway?

You said you'd be back
in a few weeks,

but it's been...

What the hell
are you doing here?

I'm sorry! I'm sorry.
You texted me.

No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.

It didn't make a lot of sense.

Something about
"loo paper, beer"?

Oh. Oh, God.

I was a bit worried
if I'm honest,

so I tracked your phone.

You know, you really shouldn't
leave your front door open,

considering the amount of people

that have tried to kill you.

Okay, I'm just gonna say it.

I'm really, really sorry
about what went down.
No, no, no.

Let me say it.
It's really best
if you didn't.

I prefer things...
Buried.

Exactly.

Well, that's very... British.

Cheers.
Cheers.

I went to see you,

after they transported you

from the hospital
in Rome.
Really?

But they weren't
allowing visitors

and I felt a bit, erm...

Lucky those tourists
found you when they did.

You missing MI6?

Absolutely not.

How is it?
I have no idea. I quit.

I've started working
at Bitter Pill.

You're a journalist?

"Open-source investigator"
is the official title.

No way.

It's been decent, to be fair.

The site's good

and they let me
investigate what I want.

The guy who runs it
is pretty cool.

Working for someone
with integrity, it's...

Better than working
for your mom.

Let's just say, different.

You still
in touch with...
Oh, God. No.

I'm totally done with her.
Done with that.

End of story.

I was gonna say Niko.

Oh. Right.

Of course, I...

Yeah, we see each other
every few days. He's...

You know.
Yeah, I heard.

And what about you?

Do you ever worry
about The Twelve?

There are plenty
of other people
worrying about them.

But there's not. MI6 shut
everything down months ago.

Yeah, well, it's not
my problem anymore.

Yeah. Yeah,
not our problem.
Kenny, it's not.

So I've been looking
into them loads.
No shit.

And I was looking
at the financial
trial again.

And the thing is,
after Fat Panda

and Frank, there were...
Kenny...

I've seen some activity
in their accounts that show...

Kenny, I'm serious.

I am not going down
that road again.

It almost killed me.

You should come to the office

after work for beers.

I'm there most evenings
and weekends.

I think you could do
with people, or something.

You don't seem
very, er...
No, Kenny, I'm fine.

I know.

You just don't seem
very happy. That's all.

Who says I want to be happy?

Bye.
Bye.

Ahhh!

Untouchable.

Kenny!

I thought you said
you were going to

sort all this before we packed.

I did.

Memories.

You see this,
and you're transported

to a time of happiness?

Yes.

I'll sort it when I'm back.

Now, you are the one
who persuaded me to
make this move,

so you can just pitch in.

The thing is, I've got
some work stuff to do.

That website has you
working at the weekend?

You had me working
at the weekend.

That's because people get
murdered at the weekend.

I'll see you when I'm back.

As you wish.

It is as I wish, actually.

Right.
That's why I'm not staying.

I think I got that.

All right, then.

Because I'm not gonna be told
what to do any more.

Clearly.

Are you ever going to apologise?

I think I'm at a loss here.

You really don't think
you did anything wrong
at all, do you?

Your father chose our last house

and to be honest,
I never liked it.

But I lived
there for years
without complaint

because I knew
it made him happy.

Life is just a series
of trade-offs, Kenny.

For all of us.

And my job is no different.

Now, you might disagree
with my decisions,

but I will never be able
to apologise for them.

And I'd have thought
that if anyone could
understand that,

it's you.

Now, do you want fish and chips
for when you come back?

Okay.

Battered sausage?
Yes, please.

Right.

And it's not a website.
It's an online publication.

Oh, very good!

How are you feeling today?

He's in the garden.
Thank you.

I brought you these.

I ate the green ones for you.

Thanks.

They exchanged on the house.

I've got some stuff
for you to sign.

Just here.
I know.

Eve...

I'm not an idiot.

We are going
to get through this.

You have to know that.

It's one day at a time,

and you are getting better
with every day...

This isn't something
you can fix, Eve.

Her parents think
she killed herself,
you know that?

Also, MI bloody six
can wash their hands...

It's better if
her family don't know.
Better for who?

Our entire relationship
has had you...

At the centre of it.

Well, I never wanted that...

Well, you didn't do much
to change it, did you?

And if we're being honest,

we'd both admit
that I deserve more...

A bit more than that.

And more than you.

She's lying. Okay?

She was lying when
she had work the next day.

She was lying when saw her mom.

She was lying
when she had the flu.

He knows it.

I know it.

You know it.

You're not even crying
because of her.

You're crying because...

Because you feel stupid.

Because you were stupid.

Hey, these drinks
don't involve games,

or organised fun, do they?

Erm, it's pretty chill.

Chilled works.

Okay, I'll get the...

Hello?

Hello?

Kenny?

Hello?

Hi.
This is Kenny. Leave a message.

Hey. Erm, I'm here.

Oh, I think I have your phone.

Where are you?