Killing Eve (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Nice Face - full transcript

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) I never lived.

Up to your...

Expectations.

I never gave.

Into your...

I never lived.

Up to your...

Expectations.

I never lived.

Up to your...



Expectations

(CLATTERING)

From where you stand.

You haven't a clue who I am

(SCREAMS)

MAN: Eve! Eve! Eve!

- Ohhhhh!
- Darling, what is it?

- I can't!
- Oh, my God, darling!

Wake up, it's okay.

(SCREAMS) It's okay! I-I...

Baby! It's okay.
Wake up, wake up!

What was it? Was it... Was it...

I fell asleep on both my arms.

Oh. Oh, they're coming back now.



Oh.

MAN: Jesus, my heart.

You freak.

- I'm sorry, it was scary.
- Yeah. It was.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, Jesus! My head.

What time did we leave last night?

It all ended when you and Bill sang
A Whole New World.

Oh, yeah.

No one could follow that.

(LAUGHS)

Well, at least we have
the whole weekend...

Ugh.

- Oh. Oh, my God.
- Happy Saturday.

- You were superb last night.
- Thank you.

What's going on?

Did you get me a croissant?

No. Do you want the rest of this?

Of course I want the rest of that.

So why are you so perky?
You left after I did.

I went for a run this morning,
then I ate some coal.

Apparently it's a thing. I feel great.

Okay, from what I can eavesdrop on,

a Russian sex-trafficking politician

- has been murdered in Vienna.
- Oh, no.

Why are they crying about it here?

- Don't know.
- Was it a contract kill?

- I don't know.
- You really earn your money.

- I don't know what we do here.
- Get me a croissant.

Right. Everyone's in there with Frank.

- God.
- And... (GASPS) Oh, Lord.

- It's Carolyn Martens.
- Who?

MI6 Russia Desk.

I'd nail a cousin
to work with that woman.

- Stone-cold badass.
- I'll put in a good word.

Please don't. You're the late one.

Professional.

Where did you get that?

Okay. Thank you all for
giving us your Saturday.

Turns out people are still
murderous bastards on the weekend.

This is Carolyn Martens,
head of the Russian desk.

- You've met Bill Pargrave.
- Hi.

And his late assistant.

Eve Polastri. My apologies.

They assess and provide
diplomatic protection

for visitors to the UK
and will be your liaison.

It was Bill's birthday party last night.

They don't normally look this sweaty.

It was just a spontaneous thing.

Mm-hm.

Good morning. (PAPER RUSTLES)

There's been an assassination in Vienna.

Victor Kedrin was a Russian politician
visiting Austria last week.

He was not a popular man.

CAROLYN: But he had
an unfortunately high profile.

Yesterday, Kedrin was
coming out of a sushi restaurant

near Stephansplatz with his
girlfriend Kasia Molkovska.

CAROLYN: Somehow,
about 50 yards from the restaurant,

the assassin sliced
Kedrin's femoral artery with a blade

without him or his girlfriend noticing.

CAROLYN: He was bleeding for
about a minute before he collapsed.

Cool.

His girlfriend is the only witness
but she fled the scene.

CAROLYN: Interpol traced
her here to the UK.

She was picked up in
Hammersmith this morning

and needs protection.

- 20 quid it was a woman.
- Sorry?

Sorry. Nothing.

BILL: We'll be sure to sort it.

Was there any CCTV of the killer?

No. No, as far as we know
it was just a blind spot.

Thank you for your... time.

I imagine the girl is,
erm, quite traumatized.

She's the only witness.

Surround her with humans, will you?

I said it was probably a woman.

Victor Kedrin was a misogynist
and a sex trafficker.

He may not have considered
a passing woman a threat.

She must have been able to get close.

Thank you. Thank you, Eve.

She said, "Eve."

Congratulations.

Give me the rest of that or I'll fire you.

I want to meet that witness.

- If I'm right...
- No. Not your job.

Get her secure and get her some clothes.

Please don't make this a thing.
I'm feeling very fragile.

EVE: I'm telling you, it's a woman.

Happy birthday, Bill.

It was just a bit of karaoke, Frank.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(SONG IN FRENCH PLAYING)

(OLD WOMAN GRUNTS)

Oh.

(GRUNTS)

(Anna Karina, Roller Girl PLAYING)

(SINGING) Je suis la fille
que I'on colle.

Merci.

Sur les Harley Davidson

(SONG CONTINUES ON RADIO)

(RADIO FREQUENCY CHANGES)

(Eric Satie, Gnossienne PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

Wow.

Beautiful.

(GIGGLES)

(DOOR OPENS)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(RADIO OFF)

Villanelle?

Villanelle.

I can see you breathing.

- Meerh!
- Argh!

Oy!

- I got you!
- Yes.

- A bit, admit it. A tiny bit.
- A tiny bit, yes.

- Were you scared?
- No.

- Did you think I was dead?
- No.

Would you be sad?

Of course.

Oh! Your face.

I got you.

- How was Vienna?
- Good. Quick.

- But I'm tired.
- Of course.

Do you want to stay and watch a movie?

BOTH: No, I can't. I'm sorry.

They want me to give you this.

- Bonus?
- Yes.

- Because I'm sensational.
- Oh, yes. Of course.

And they want you to do another job.

When?

We know it's a tight turnaround. Tomorrow.

- All information is on there.
- Sure.

Tuscany will be beautiful right now.

- You want to come?
- No.

Well, can I take someone else?

I just want someone to play with.

You play in Tuscany.

And we will watch a movie
when you come back.

BOTH: You don't mean that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Ohhh.

Nice face.

(MICROWAVE OVEN HUMS)

(BEEPING)

EVE: That looks terrifying.

Does it burn?

No, it strips your stomach
so you can't feel anything.

Oh, cool.
So, her name is Kasia Molkovska.

And we'll need two officers on each shift.

Oh, Jesus. That's gross.

Where do they want her overnight?

Don't know.

They haven't transferred her
from the station yet.

- Really? Hammersmith?
- Mm-hm.

So she's still there?

Yeah. Apparently she's
a bit of a character.

Okay, um...

You know, I'm gonna
pop down there quickly.

Why?

No reason.

Get those officers
assigned to her and I'll sign off.

Did we sing Disney? BOTH: Yes.

Damn.

Where are you going?

- To the bathroom.
- Done the report?

- Mm-hm.
- Okay. Good work.

Now... cough up.

- What?
- 20 quid.

CCTV from Vienna turned up.
It was a bloke.

What? Since the meeting?

- Yeah. Frank just said.
- No, he said...

- 20 quid.
- Have you seen it?

- Of course not.
- Why not?

Stop it! There's a difference
between thinking it was a woman

- and wanting it to be a woman.
- Who's a woman?

(EVE SIGHS)

You'll get the rest when I see the tape.

I'm going to try to throw up.

I suggest you do too.

I wanna see that CCTV.

- What was that all about?
- Nothing.

I'm going to the station.

- Why?
- Just don't tell Bill.

You're the best. I love you.
You're amazing. Goodbye.

ELENA: Bye.

(COUGHS)

(SPEAKS POLISH)

(MUTTERS)

ETHEL: I'm sorry. She's unintelligible.

- She's mainly swearing.
- She's had a hell of a night.

EVE: I just need to know
if she's aware of anyone

who might wanna harm her
while she's in the country.

(SPEAKS POLISH)

(SINGS DRUNKENLY)

Poor thing.
Can someone get her a tea?

Max?

EVE: Has she mentioned Vienna

or anything about her boyfriend's killer?

(SLURS)

I think she's saying that they
were drunk or she's drunk now.

She mentioned a plank of wood.

Was it tall or... dark?

God, I'm sorry.

Ask her if it was a man or a woman?

(SPEAKS POLISH)

(LAUGHS AND REPLIES IN POLISH)

(CONTINUES IN POLISH)

Does anyone in the department
speak heroin Polish?

No, I mean, I'm serious.

(LAUGHS) (DOOR OPENS)

You know, uh, Max,
we need to get her to a facility.

Thanks.

(SPEAKS POLISH)

- Oh, you speak Polish?
- Uh, no. My husband is Polish.

You know, I've just
picked up a couple of phrases.

Thanks, Max.

What did she say?

"Get your arse into bed."

(BAND MUSIC PLAYING)

(CELL PHONE RINGS) Sorry.

- I wasn't flirting.
- Mmm.

How are you?

Oh, I thought you'd be straight to bed.

Oh, I'm soldiering through.

It's a great turn-out.

Yeah. Bunch of animals!
(CHUCKLES)

Wanna play?

Oh, with a gin and tonic, definitely.

Uh, I need to steal Dom for a minute.

- Dom?
- Mm-hm.

Should I be jealous?

Always be jealous.

I need you too, don't worry.

Right, I'll get him. (CHUCKLES)

(POLICE RECORDING PLAYING)

- Whoa, she's flying.
- Yeah.

The translator couldn't
get anything clear out of her.

You recognize anything, Dom?
It might be teenage polish.

- What do you need?
- Uh, just the description

of the person she saw
while she was on the street.

Here she goes. Tall. Dark...

(SCOFFS)

If I say to you... "ale decha,"
what does that mean?

Erm... what?

What do you think? Ale decha?

I don't wanna comment, but...

I mean, they're lovely, but...

- Say it.
- Ale decha is... small breasts.

- Flat-chested. Like a plank.
- Oh, my God!

See, this kid is using slang
your Ethel wouldn't be familiar with.

Your killer was a...
a small-breasted psycho. Apparently.

Excellent translating work.

Hey. Uh. Hi.

I was counting on you not having a life.

Wait, why are you still at the office?

My sister and her arsehole baby
are staying with me

while she goes for interviews.
I get more sleep here.

What do you want from me?

Can you pull Margit Polsen
from the registry

and any other active female assassins
under the age of 45?

Okay. Hold on.

ELENA: I got Margie. Go.

Uh, how big are her tits? Breasts.

Okay. I know you're into assassins

but I refuse to talk
about them in this way.

- They're people too, you know?
- Elena!

Massive. She appears to have

massive, pendulous breasts.

Is that doing it for you?

Thank you. Are there any others on file?

There are just two more on record.

I'm just pulling them up.

Um, Katrina Voltrinski and Wendi Helmsen.

- What's this about?
- Oh, they're both dead.

Are there any alerts up for new ones?

No.

Okay. Thanks.

And don't tell anyone I asked for that.

Of course. All our hotlines
are completely confidential, madam.

Piss off. Thank you.

All right.

(Unloved, When A Woman Is Around
PLAYING)

(SONG PLAYING) I don't pretend
to know the ways of the world.

A means to an end seems a way.

Who has the most of whatever's best.

All the better.

May the best man win.

An eye for an eye.

Is a blind man's rule

I wasn't born to follow

I'm nobody's fool.

Any other man (GRUNTS QUIETLY)

Can soon end Saul.

Truth is seldom found.

When a woman is around

(CHILDREN CHATTER AND SQUEAL)

Oh...

(MAN LAUGHS)

(MAN LAUGHS)

(SCOFFS)

(CHILDREN'S VOICES)

(GASPS)

(TRADITIONAL MUSIC PLAYING)

BOY: Nonno!

(CRIES OF SHOCK AND AMUSEMENT)

(LAUGHTER)

(RESPONDS AND LAUGHS)

(WOMAN'S VOICE)

(FOOTSTEPS)

(MAN SINGS IN BACKGROUND)

Argh!

(MAN COMES TO THE END OF THE SONG)

(APPRECIATIVE VOICES OUTSIDE)

(CHEERING OUTSIDE)

(SHE CLICKS THE PEN REPEATEDLY)

(HE WHIMPERS)

(GROANS)

DAVIDE: Nonno!

(EXPIRING MOAN) (SHE GASPS)

(THUD OF HIS BODY)
(SONG PLAYING) I have to kill you

I'm really sorry

I have to do it...

DAVIDE: Nonno!

I have to kill you...

for so long

(SONG GRADUALLY FADES
INTO THE BACKGROUND)

Oh.

NIKO: Do you want cheese on it?

Uh, no. Uh, yes. Yes, please.

(SIGHS)

- Hey.
- Hey.

Ah.

- Jesus.
- Uh-huh.

All that from a tiny puncture.

- It's so awful.
- It's impressive.

And... awful. Yeah.

Dinner?

How would you kill me if you could?

Um, I don't know.
Push you down the stairs?

No, seriously.
They'd come for you immediately.

(LAUGHING) I don't know.
Flatter you to death.

Okay. How would you kill me?

I'd paralyze you with saxitoxin
and suffocate you in your sleep.

Chop you into the smallest
bits I could manage,

boil you down, put you in a blender

then take you to work in a flask

and flush you down a restaurant toilet.

You've really thought about that.

- Smart, huh?
- Very.

- Sexy?
- Hugely.

- Do you want supper?
- Ooh. Yes. Thank you.

- Okay. Love you.
- Love you.

Bin.

(PING)

Do you wanna have sex?

Sure.

You know, someone
is lying about the CCTV.

Bill?

No.

What did he say about the recording?

I didn't tell him.

I need to get more.
And I need her consent to record... her.

- How bad have you been?
- Really bad.

You're in the wrong department.

- Yes.
- You should have been a spy.

Exactly. Thank you.

Sorry. Sex.

- I'm actually knackered.
- Oh, good.

Okay.

(EVE SIGHS)

EVE: Can I get Dom's number?

(NIKO LAUGHS)

NIKO: What?

Afternoon, everybody.

Do you think
you could excuse your guests?

Au revoir.

(SIGHS)

(DOOR SHUTS)

Three days ago, one of Moscow's
most controversial politicians

was found professionally murdered

in a pretty street in Vienna.

Very good.

The murder took place in a CCTV blind spot.

Also good.

The politician's girlfriend

was reportedly with him while he died.

Fine.

And was not harmed.

Not so good.

She is currently in London
where she will be interviewed

as a principal witness to the murder.

Bad.

Which will take place tomorrow.

Very bad.

Have you had a haircut?

- Yes.
- Hmm.

Your train leaves in an hour.

So keep the job tidy, uh?

Your fancy hairpin is all over the press.

Don't worry. I got another one.

- It's not funny.
- It was a bit.

They won't catch me.

- They might.
- They won't.

- No, listen, they might.
- They won't.

Make it look like suicide.

(SHE SIGHS)

First class.

Of course.

EVE: Let's swap. BILL: Sure.

Oh. Your wife is an artist.

She's a control freak.

- Can I eat this cold?
- Yeah. Just don't tell Niko.

- How is he?
- He's really well.

He's really nice.

- He's really well.
- Okay.

Is that what you've been
wanting to talk about?

You've been weirdly casual all morning.

I don't wanna talk about that.

Spit it out.

You've got as long as this pie lasts.

Okay.

The Kedrin assassin was a woman.

- Oh, my God!
- I interviewed the witness

- and she confirmed it.
- I'll give you the 20 quid to shut up.

- There was CCTV.
- No, no, no, no. See...

There wasn't any CCTV

until after I suggested
it might be a woman.

Did you just say
you interviewed the witness?

Eve! What's happened to you?
You're going mad.

Nothing ever happens.
Now this woman is happening,

and either someone
is stopping it from coming out

or someone is too lazy to follow it up.

Are you accusing me of something?

I don't know. Maybe.

Yes. Maybe you're being lazy.

And so what if it is a woman?

Anyway, I don't care if it was an alien.

Yeah, but she's... she's new.
And she's prolific, Bill.

- Look.
- It's not our job.

EVE: I've been compiling
these cases for months.

Tuscany yesterday.

Kasia is the only lead we have

and tomorrow morning
she's someone else's witness.

Yes, and they'll interview her

and find it all out for themselves.

- What if they're in on it?
- In on what?

I don't know. I just think... it's weird.

Our job is weird, but it's also boring.

I'm... sorry if your
husband is boring you too,

but that doesn't give you
an excuse to go rogue at work.

You could get in a lot of trouble
if I was a serious man.

Trouble's not interested in me.

Go to the hospital,
make sure your witness is cozy and safe,

then go home and don't do anything weird.

(DISTANT SIRENS)

EVE: It's only two or three questions.

Just say you're her cousin.

I'm with the security team
monitoring Kasia Molkovska.

Last on the left.
Ask for Nurse Watkins.

You can't miss her.
She's in the fun scrubs.

Eve Polastri.

Hi. Is Kasia awake?

- She's not fit for interview.
- Oh, no. I know.

This is a relative of Kasia's.

He just wanted to say hi quickly.

Oh, lovely. Okay, uh, just take a seat.

I'll let you know when she's ready.

Great. Thank you.

Is this legal?

It's fine. Wait here a sec.
I'm just gonna pop to the loo.

We should have brought her
some chocolate or something.

I'll see what I can find.

(SIGHS)

(TOILET FLUSHES)

Are you alright?

Wear it down.

(SIGHS)

(CELLPHONE RINGS)

Hi. BILL: Where are you?

- On the loo.
- There was no CCTV.

What?

It's annoying me, but you were right.

We've been bullshat.

Keep that girl safe.

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE CONTINUES TO RING)

Dom?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, Jesus! Dom?!

Dom? Oh, my God, Kasia!

Oh, God, God, Kasia!
Oh, my God! Oh, Kasia. Oh, Kasia.

Please. Please, stay with me.

(YELLING) Somebody help me!
Oh, my God!

Somebody help me!

(BEEPING) Kasia, stay with me.

Stay with me. No, no.

Danger? Danger?

Danger? Danger?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh! Somebody help me!

Oh!

If they fire you,
you'd better drag me down with you.

- No, you're not doing that.
- I am.

I've been looking for an excuse

to call Frank a dick-swab for years.

I'm the dick-swab.

I should have requested more security.

You had two armed officers.
You did the right thing.

You're brilliant.

Just don't tell them everything.

You'll sound like a nutter.

(DOOR OPENS)

FRANK: Right. The boy's parents are here.

Apparently,
they thought he was playing bridge.

Have you made your statement?

Well... that one could have gone better.

I don't want to say you only had one job...

Oh, piss off, Frank.

I don't think you should
speak to me like that right now, Eve.

(SNIFFS) Can you... can you just
tell me what I need to do?

From what I've managed to gather,

you have conducted an
illegal investigation.

You've manipulated a witness,
you've put a minor in danger.

- Oh, please.
- Don't interrupt me, Bill.

On top of that, you failed
at your actual job.

No doubt because you were
so busy executing your pretend job.

Which, I believe,
was going to earn you 20 quid.

And which you both seem to think is the
most important thing about this case.

The most important thing is that

- I was right about the fact...
FRANK: No.

No, the most important thing, Eve,

is that four people are dead
and it's all your fault.

What were you right about?

Kasia described the killer as "ale decha,"

- which means flat-chested.
- How do you know that?

Because I secretly recorded the interview

and brought it home
and asked Dom and my husband

to translate it for me.

You're fired.

- You're a dick-swab.
- Oi!

- Sorry.
- Thank you, Bill.

No, I was gonna call you a dick-swab.

Clearly there's going to be some
reshuffling in your department.

I suggest you both leave. Immediately.

Your things will be biked to you.

- Just to be clear, Frank...
- You're fired.

Excellent. Thank you.

(GUNSHOTS FROM THE TV)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Eve.

H-Hi.

Is there... anything you need at the shop?

What?

Milk or...

Uh...

Married?

Yes.

You?

A few times, yes.

(DOOR CHIMES)

Uh, it's really nice of you
to come and, whatever this is.

Um, do you want milk?

We think she's been operating

for two years across ten countries.

She's highly skilled. As yet untraceable.

And, frankly, she's starting to show off.

When you're feeling perkier...

I'd like to buy you breakfast

at the Purple Penguin restaurant
by Charing Cross.

Thursday. 9am.

I'll wait for ten minutes.

Right. Buy some milk.

Oh.

Or he'll think you're having an affair.

Oh, no, I don't think he'd ever think that.

They all think we're having affairs

before they think we're secret agents.

Oh, no, I think Niko
would assume I was an agent

before ever thinking that
I was having an affair.

You might want to make him think
you're having an affair, then.

Hope to see you Thursday.

(DOOR SHUTS)

(SONG PLAYING) You've got to wait
until the word.

The way you go to my head.

Something tells me
I'd be better off dead.

Are you a devil.

Or an angel?

Something valued
that I want to know.

Got me spinning, going crazy.

Can I get the record
before I blow-ow-ow?

On your mark, get set.

EVE: I believe there is a female assassin

operating internationally.

And she's targeted
a number of influential people.

- Who are you?
- Huge question.

Can I show you something?

A woman in London is leading
a department just to find you.

EVE: We have to focus
on everything we know about her

in order to get to them.

- Well, what do you want to do?
- I want to see your apartment.

Have you got something
you need to get off your chest, Bill?

You can't lead a team with assumptions.
It's not how it's done.

(GROANS)

You disobeyed me.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)