Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 2, Episode 9 - Hand in Hand/Luigi Vendetta - full transcript

A rare cave sap sticks Kick and Kendall's hands together.

♪ Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski, buttowski

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick buttowski! ♪

(bird squawking)


Man: Heat wave!

Why so hot?

Why so hot?

I think it's a perfect day to hit
the mellowbrook community pool.

Yeah, good thing we're
right in front of it!

Kick: Into the pool!

Gunther: You said
it, my sweaty friend.

Wowzers, shannon,
you'll have your hands full today.

They sure are having fun!

Super. Not on my watch.

(cracking back)


Cool, refreshing
water, here i come.

(shannon blowing whistle)

No diving!

Then why do you
have a diving board?

Look, kid, during my shift,
i'm here for the rays,

Not to guard your precious little life.

Yes, shannon, my love?

Take care of this situation.

I've got better things to do.

Don't worry, shannon dearest,

I'll explain the rules of
our fine pool to my little...

Just go. You're getting
drool all over my chair.

Oh! I'm sorry, my love!

Now listen up, dillweed!

I'm the assistant associate
junior lifeguard in training,

With a hot boss named shannon.

If i do what she wants,
maybe she'll do what the brad wants.

I already got most
of her phone number.

Which part? The area code.

(screaming) so don't
ruin this for me!

(kick yelling)

Mm, coconut.

Situation neutralized.

Continue tanning that
hot bod of yours!

Don't worry about these two.

Brad: They won't get the
drop on brad buttowski!

(shannon screaming)


(kick and gunther laughing)

Both: We're in!

(shannon blowing whistle)

Horace? Pantsy?

We're assistants to
the assistant associate

Junior lifeguard! In training!

We ain't got time to
watch you for brad

Who ain't got time to
watch you for shannon

To watch you, uh, on her shift!

So it's into the...

(slow motion) kiddie pool!

(slow motion laughing)

There is no way they're
sticking me in the kiddie pool!

Yeah! Cool, wet,
refreshing freedom, here i come!

(towel whipping)

Nice try, dumb-dumb.

No kids in the big pool.

Why? Because it's...

(blowing whistle)

(yelling) senior citizen swim!

Oskar, it's our turn now!

Oskar's not a senior citizen!

That dog is at
least ten years old!

In dog years, that's, uh, hmm,


Five hundred and seventeen!
Now quiet!


I'm only going to swim one lap.

I'll be out in no time at all.

Kids: Phew!
(overlapping chatter)

But first, i've got to
protect my alabaster skin.

Oh, yeah, rub it in.

Oh, don't forget
the delicate areas!

(disgusted groaning)

Ugh! My sunscreen doesn't
seem to be working.

Curse you, demon sun!

Oh! Let's see now.

Ooh! That is some mighty
chilly water on such a hot day.

What smells like bacon?


(whistling nervously)

And off we go!

Gunther: Oh!
She's halfway across!

(kids groaning)

Quiet! Stop whining!

Hey, you two, guard these babies
while i go talk to shannon!

(horace and pantsy growling)

If we want to get our pool back,

We're gonna need a distraction.

Lord duckington! You're alive!


And now, a launching device.

So i work out about
six times a day,

Start with my glutes, then...

(yelling) the
waterbug, it burns!

Cover for me,
i'm going on break.

Remember to keep those
kids out of the pool.

And stay off my tower!

But you just got
back from lunch!

Uh, yeah.
Now i need my food to digest.

So when are we going out?

Uh, how about the
30th of february?

So it's a date! Yeah, brad!

(swallowing) bah!
Tastes like expired chicken!

Huh? Hold it!
You're not fooling anybody!

Where do you think
you're all going?

Oh, us?

My senior-aged friend and i accidentally
wandered into the kiddie pool,

Where it smells like bacon for
no gross reason whatsoever.

Senior citizens, huh?

Why, yes.

This is my associate, mrs.

And i'm mr. Pickle.

Um, i mean, i'm mrs.

And this is mr. Pickle!

And these are all of our grandkids!

Junior assistants to the assistant
in training! Front and center!

Both: Yes, boss?

I thought i told you
to watch these jerks!

But we are!

You kids must really
take me for a fool.

Come on, look at that moustache!

Who really has a
moustache that big?

It's faker than a
three-dollar bill!

And you! Nice wig. Really?

Where's the rats that
go with that nest?

You think you really had me
fooled wearing that, that, that...

Uh, sorry.

(slapping) well, i never!
Let's go mrs. Chica-doo-doo.

I mean, mr. Pickle!

(growls) get those punks!

I've had enough of
these shenanigans!

Time to put you all in lockdown!

Kids: No!

Let's see you babies
get out of this one!

I welcome the isolation.

I'll tell you boys,
coming up with that cage idea?

Sheer brad.

Gentlemen, to the cage.

All: To the cage!

What's the point
of breaking out?

I don't remember how
life is on the outside.

The joint changes a man.

Come on, guys!
We gotta do something!

Haven't you done
enough, clarence?

No, i haven't, kendall!

They took our pool with
their stupid "rules."

This was our spot!

Mouth: But if we misbehave,

They'll take away the small bit
of refreshing pool we have left.

(imitating shiver) is
that water too refreshing?

I can take care of that,
with a little heat.

pantsy and brad laughing)

Phew! Being an assistant associate
junior lifeguard in training

Sure is exhausting!

Now, are you with me?

(kids cheering) yeah!

Yes! Gunther! Triumphant lift.

Listen up, everybody!

I need each and
every one of you for

A prison riot!

(kids yelling) wait until shannon
sees how many zits i burned off.

(sing-song) awesome!

What the... Aw, come on, man!
Now what?

Cut it out in there!

Another diversion, eh?
Horace! Pantsy!

Watch these kids
for real this time!

I'm going to the big chair.

Pipe down! Pipe down!

Oh, the power, it's glorious!

Everything seems
to be nice and...

What the! Huh?

We've got an escapee!

Bleh! Horace! Pantsy! Get him!

But save me first! (choking)


This ends now!


(brad grunting)


Free swim!

(kids cheering)

Don't just stand there!

We gotta get those kids
back in the kiddie pool

Before my future
girlfriend comes back!

Gunther! Head for the pool!

But kick, what about you?

I just have a few
loose ends to tie up.

Keep your eyes peeled!

Ain't nothing getting past me!

Huh? Huh?

Huh? Huh?

Horace: (screaming) brad! Help!

Two can play at that
game, dillweed!

(brad screaming)

(all screaming)

Here's your cheetah
pop, little dude.

Thanks, mister!


Ah! What a great swim!

I feel a hundred years younger.

Ah! My sciatica!

Both: This is gonna be awesome!

We're gonna die!

Yeah, he knows about
the restraining order.

(sighing) just great.


Ugh, and i suppose i have
to perform mouth to mouth.

(watch beeping)

Oh, my shift's over!
Hey, second shift! You're up!


Wait, what?

Don't worry, ma'am!
I'm a trained profession-na-nal.

(screaming) no!

Kick: Yes! Gunther: We did it!

You did exactly
what, you weirdos?

The pool's all drained!
How are we gonna cool off now?

leave that to kick buttowski.


This is quite refreshing!

And he is creating
a gentle breeze!

I guess clarence isn't all bad.

(horace and pantsy slurping)

(store bell ringing)

Rowdy remington: Service!


Sorry, man,
gotta keep eddie somewhere.

(growling) hey,
hey, relax my man!

What you need is a
stress-reducing drink.

If they made those.

(dinging) ha!

This give rowdy idea.


So, wade,

Looks like you've done
a little redecorating.

Well, danger dude,
my stepmom told me

I can't sleep in her
basement anymore.


Got nowhere else to go.

Guess i'll be living at
the food 'n' fix forever.

(microwave dings)

Oh, hang tight, dudes.
That must be the rest of my clothes.

Kick, we need to do something.

(slurping) mm, sock sloshy.

Gunther, huddle.


Wade, we cannot allow you
to live in the food 'n' fix.

I don't know, kick.
Maybe it's time i live on my own.


Wade, you're moving in with me.

Payback for all the times
you've helped me out.

Wow, your parents gonna
be okay with that?


They don't need to know.

Awesome, dude!

(laughing) hey! I'm so excited!


Yeah, so are we.

But how are we gonna get all
my stuff into your house?

(tires screeching)

Now, dude!

(cat screeching)

Mighty early in the season
for an underwear storm.

Awesome, dude.
Now we just gotta figure out

How we're gonna sneak
me into your room.

Kick: Roommates!
Wade: Roommates!

Hey, are you sure this
whole setup is okay?

Of course it is.

Two pals drinking chili in their room
together for the rest of their lives?

This is gonna be awesome.

It's weird that something called
chili makes you feel so toasty.


Phew! I'm pooped.

Better nest up for the night.

No, wade.
You're the guest, you get the bed.

Wow, double-d,
i never slept in a bed before.

Have a good siesta, buddy.

every night here in my room.

Ah, the coolest life ever.



Night, buddy.

(yawning) first breakfast
with the new roomie.

Hey, wade,
i got us some billy stumps cereal...

Oh, yeah! (gulping)

(dishes smashing)

So, wade, you don't seem
like your usual mellow self.

I don't remember having this freedom.
Look, i'm a spaceman!


Oh, sorry, dude.

That's okay, awesome roomie.

(wade snoring)

Uh, wade? Could you...


Whoa, sorry dude, night terrors.

It's all good, roomie.


(sighs) i gotta
sleep somewhere else.

(wade belching)


(wade belching)

(wade speaking gibberish)

Wade! (wade drumming)

Are you crazy? Keep it down!
My parents will...

(door slamming)

On second thought,
play as loud as you want.

Thanks, kick! Yeah! Yeah!


Kick, what is the...
(gasps) wade?

Drum kit?

That's right, mom and dad.

I invited wade to move in, and i
didn't even ask your permission first.

I guess wade will
just have to...

Mom: Stay as long as he wants.

Of course!

I've been looking for a reason to
get the old band back together!


I also got this, which is nice.




(wade belching)

Gunther? Ugh! Gunther!

(phone rings) yes?


This isn't working out.

Why? Because wade's annoying?

No! Wade's all right.
But living with him is making me crazy.

Like your family does?

(gasps) sorry,
did i cross the line?

Gunther, you genius!

Once wade sees how crazy they
are, he'll want to leave!


(grunts) i'm okay.

Brianna! Wade wants to
come to your tea party!

Isn't that right, wade?

(door slams)

That should be long enough.

Hey, wade, you ready to go?

And when sally said
penelope had fake eyebrows,

I nearly died.

Bills, bills!

Dad, wade wants to help
you sort your bills.

Really, wade?
I never knew you loved mail!

Come check out my collection
of tattered envelopes.

This will do the trick.

Wade: Whoa, awesome!

Do you have a septic
pump utility bill?

Go fish, go fish!

Mom: Well, if you really want
to help with all the dishes...

No problem, danger mom!

Water fight! (chuckling) oh!

Oh, bless your heart!
You make chores so fun!

Time to pull out the big guns.

Yeah, brad!

Hey, brad, wade said he wants
to let you practice crashing...

I mean, driving his car.

You did?

I did? You did.

Well, hey, sure, why not?

Whip out that learner's
permit and hop in!

(car engine starting)

(tires screeching)

(tires screeching)

Danger dude, oh, man,
you really should come with us next time.

Yeah, brad! Yeah, brad!
Yeah, brad! Yeah, brad!

I need some stunt therapy.

My wheel bolt's gone!


(blender whirring)

Hey, dude!
Used your wheel bolts to...

Fix mom's mixer. Perfect.

(breaks squeaking)

Brake, brake, brake, brake!

Kick: A-e-i-o-u
and sometimes why!

Hey, dude!
Replaced your dad's brakes.

The ones on your bike
were a perfect fit!

Go figure.


Hey, dude!
I made a picnic table out of...

From my half-pipe. Yeah, i know.

You ever think maybe you
could just buy that stuff?

Brad: Yeah, brad!

Why buy stuff

When you can just recycle
the stuff all around you?

Like this string?
Makes perfect floss.

Whoa, man,
put on some pantalones.

I can't take it anymore!

Snoring, drumming,

Night terrors,
ruining my stunts!

I don't want you to be
my roommate anymore!

(all gasping)

Wow, sorry dude.
Didn't know i made you feel that way.


Guess i'll be going now.

It's just weird, you know,
'cause never been on my own before.

Wade, don't!

No, no, no.

I'm not gonna stay unless
danger dude wants me to.

Now who's gonna drum with daddy?

And who's gonna come
to my tea parties?

Yeah! And who's gonna help me
finally get a girl, dillweed?

Yeah, brad!

Let's leave wade's room just how
he left it, in case he comes back.

(door slamming)


Wade, out there, on his own.
I must find him.




(echoing) wade!

(echoing) i didn't know
i made you feel that way.

Hey, kick! I heard

From my cousin's sister's
boyfriend's mother's uncle

Who heard it from his dentist's
podiatrist's stock broker's niece

Who heard it from me that
wade is living in a tool shed!

A tool shed?

Where they keep tools!

Gunther! This is all my fault.

Wade can't live on his own

And he certainly can't
live in a tool shed.

I gotta get him back.

Wade! (bats screeching)





Papercut peterson: Hey, shut the door!
I'm warming up the car!


Gunther, i can't find...


Hey, danger dude! Wade!

Wade, i'm so sorry.
I shouldn't have said all that stuff.

I want you to come back.

No worries, dude,
and i'm glad you told me that.

You know what?
I wanna try living on my own.

In this tool shed?
I can't let you.

I don't live in this tool shed.

Papercut peterson that's right!
I live in that tool shed.

My friend,
how is accommodations?

Awesomely awesome, dude-bro!

You're living in
rowdy's tool shed?

Yeah, it's a pretty good deal.
I can stay here for free.

All i gotta do is
be in a commercial

For rowdy's new stress-reducing
drink, slacker-z.

Female singers: ♪ slacker-z! ♪

But now i gotta figure out
how to move all my stuff in.

(tires screeching)

Hey, share the road!

(gasps) i love underwear season.

Wishing i had stress relief!

Fearing not,
handsome cowboy dude-bro.

New slacker-z will
curing all what ails you.

Female singers: ♪ slacker-z! ♪