Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 2, Episode 31 - Meathead Justice/Bwar-Mart - full transcript

♪ Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski, buttowski

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick buttowski! ♪

(blows) putting on all
this stuff is hard work!

I'm feeling the burn-izzle.

This calls for a body-bump.


(sniffs) hey!
Were you eating chocolate without me?

No! Yeah, you did.


To the sauna!

Sauna! Sauna!


Now, let's show these weights
how we do it in west mellowbrook.

Hey-hey! (strains)






Gaspy! Weight gainer goo!

(both grunting)

The spa, it's glued shut.

Oh, no!
We could shrink to death!


My beautiful hair!

Gordie needs help!

But so do we.

Both: Gordie, help and junk!

The gibs doesn't do helping!

I pay you goons to help me!

We've been abandoned.



Aw, biscuits!

Help! We're stuck and junk!

I can feel myself
shrinking already.

(buzzer sounds) (air whooshing)

Both: We're free.

Buttowski! You saved us.

What a class act type you is.

Yeah, yeah. Whatever!

Michael anthony: Wait.

We got to repay youse,

As demanded by our code
of meathead justice.


From now on, we're your goons.
And you'll be our gordie.

How about you just
stick with the original?

Yeah. I'm the og!
Original gordie.

Now get over here and wash my
hair, you worthless goons!

No way, gibble.
We're done-zo with you.

You let us down in
our time of need.

What? You're leaving me?

For buttowski? Fine!

You were lucky to be my goons.

I can find a million

I don't need you!

Gordie is right, guys.

You're supposed to be his
goons, not mine.

I don't think you
understand, kick.

We're indebted to you now.

You're our new gordie!

I don't need you!

(both scoff)

And to celebrate,
it's time for a makeover montage.


(upbeat synth music playing)


Guys, i'm not doing this.

I already have a wingman.


Gunther? What have you done?

No, gunther, you don't understand.



Gunther, you've got to help me.

These goons have been
following me around all day.

Gunther: Is it really that
bad, kick?

You have no idea.

Can i please have
a little privacy?

i have to get rid of them.

Oh, thank goodness.
I was hoping you'd say that.

These two are unbearable.

I've got to find some way
to get rid of these guys.

How? With secret voodoo mind control
powers you never told me about?

I saved their lives...


now they've got to save mine!

Hiya, kick.

We's watching you!

Exactly as planned.


Anthony michael!
Michael anthony! Help!

I'm having trouble with
my everyday stunting ways!

I said, help!

Help! I'm heading right for that

construction machine.

Uh-oh! I am out of control!

Oh, no!
Kick buttowski is in trouble!

We must save him and junk!

Dipazzi twins activate!



(yelling) out of here,
reckless driver type!

We gots to stop this thing!

(stuttering) i think we use
these stick-shaped-like levers.


(gasps) were you eating
chocolate without me?




You saved us again, kick!

Yeah! We's double
indebted to you now!


Oh, no! I think i have a
dumpling stuck in my windpipe.

(fakes choking)

Oh, no! Kick's choking!

Kick's choking!

(both choking)

We is choking now, too!


You saved us again, buttowski.

Yeah! Now we's triple
indebted to you.

When's dessert?

Kick: Help! Help! I can't swim.

Both: Kick's in trouble!

Help! Help! Save me!

I'll save him.
No, i'll save him.

No, i'll save him.
No, i'll save him.

Both: Let's save him together.


Michael anthony: Wait a minute!
We can't swim!

Yeah! I'm drowning. Help us!

(grunting) i'm going down!
Help us, kick.

You saved us again, buttowski.

Yeah, now we's fourple
indebted to you.

You must really like us.

I really hate them.

It's impossible to get
them to save my life.

They're too meat-headed.

Too bad someone else
can't save their lives.

Then their meatball justice would
make them indebted to that poor sap.

Gunther, you're a genius!

And i know just the sap.

Gordie? Where are you, gordie?

(gordie groaning)

Okay, gordie,
i'm done being the new you.

I'm gonna help you
save the twins,

So their code will make things
go back to the way they were.

What makes you think i want things
to go back the way they were?

Oh, i don't know.

Maybe it's 'cause you're lying in
the fetal position covered in filth.

(sobbing) i miss
my goons so much!

I just can't live without them!

Quit blubbering.
I've got an idea, gordie.

We have to recreate the
original sauna goo incident

That got us into this
mess in the first place.

I'll make them think
they're trapped.

And all you have to do is come to
their rescue and press the button.

Got it?

How? I'm not as awesome as you!

I didn't say that!

Okay, gordie.

But if you want them back,
we're gonna have to partner up!

And you do everything i say!

Okay. Deal!

Ugh! Gee!
Let's just get the job done!

Yeah, no one said we got
to be best friends. Sheesh!

Great! Now, i can get rid
of this disgusting alley

I had built for me to wallow in.

Both: Crunch, crunch, crunch!

Okay, boys,
time to hit the sauna.

Both: Oh, boy! Sauna time!

Sauna! Sauna!

Hey, buttowski!

You need help...
Picking up that...

Weight gainer goo?


Uh-oh. I got goo on your sauna.

You're probably trapped again.

(gasps) now, i, too, am trapped.

Won't someone save us?
Perhaps someone named gordie.

I said,
perhaps someone named gordie!

You gonna press
that button or not?

Gibs ain't touching no goo!

Oh, give me a break.

(twins screaming)

That sauna's on wheels!

Come on, gordie.
We've got to save the twins.

But the gibs does not do...
Come on!

(twins screaming)

I'll steer,
you reach for the button.


I'll take that petrified
blubbering as a yes.

Now, gordie! Press the button.


(boat horn blowing)

We're heading for the bridge!

Press the button!


Press the button!

(all shrieking)

(shouting) press the button!

Hey, look,
the gib pressed the button.

Gordie! You saved us!

What a class act type you is!

Wow, gordie!
You saved their lives!

Both: Our meathead
justice is served!

Which means you're gonna
leave me alone, right?

Duh! Darn right they're
gonna leave you alone!

Right, guys?

Both: Yeah!

Youse want us to
paste his ugly mug?

Not today, boys.

So long, buttowski.

Man, glad that's over.

Jackie: Hi, truck! Hi!

(horn blowing)

Jackie, look out!

Kick, you saved me!

Due to my sworn code
of wacky justice,

I will never leave your side!

What if you save my life?

Ha! That would make sense,

But wacky justice has absolutely
no logic to it whatsoever!

So, i'm yours forever.


Aw, biscuits.

Kick: Even i don't know about this
one, gunther.

Gunther: Ah, don't worry, kick.
It'll be perfectly...



What's going on in here?

I'm sorry, dad.
It was a food accident.

(muffled) like all my accidents.

No matter! As long as my
viking meat-slicer okay.

Bwar! My beautiful viking meat-slicer!
No! No! No!

Battlesnax salted meats
festival is tomorrow!

Oh, no! Kick,
that's our yearly celebration of

Thin-sliced deli meats!

Christmas for cold
cuts, prom for pastrami,

Liverwurst day for corned beef!

Can't you just get a new slicer?

Only place that sells
one sharp enough is

(ominous horn blowing)

Bwar-mart? The epic viking
department store of legend?

But they say it drives men mad!

It all-you-can-devour meatball
buffet is so delicious,

No mortal can resist
its siren song.

Or its tangy lingonberry
dipping sauce.

What my dad means is their
meatballs are too powerful.

But you're magnus.

You wrestled 10 rabid oxen at
once and lived to tell the tale.

It can't be that bad.

It is.

A return to bwar-mart,
i can't face.

For i cannot resist
their meatballs,

And once i eat
one, i can't stop.

We must cancel salted
meats festival.

You don't have to cancel.
We'll go for you.

Yeah! We're gonna get
that new slicer ourselves.

We won't be lured in
by their meatballs,

Or their tangy dipping sauce.

For dad! And for salted meats!

Both: Bwar!

Don't eat the meatballs.

(shouting) don't
eat the meatballs!

(thunder crashing)

Welcome to bwar-mart!

That's a lot of steps.

Remember, gunther,
for salted meats!

(grunts) we made it!



All right, gunther.
Stay focused.

We go in,
grab the slicer and get out.

Agreed? Agreed.

This place sells everything!



(cannon fires)

(humming nonchalantly)

How do you get
one of those home?

Easy! It all comes in
pieces you fashion together.

It's how we keep our
"ragnarok bottom" prices!

I'm lars, the manager.


Wait, kick.
Remember what my dad said?

(shouting) "don't
eat the meatballs!"

Oh, there's nothing
to worry about.

Just some harmlessly delectable

Bite-size savory balls of meat.

(sniffing deeply)


Well, just one couldn't
hurt, right?


Uh-uh. Not without the impossibly
specific assembly tool,

Known amongst vikings
as a snarflungazun.

Chorus: ♪ snarflungazun! ♪

Nothing in this store can
be assembled without it.


It's like "delicious" and "meat"
had a baby and named it "mmm."

If you'd like more,

Check out our all-you-can-devour
meatball buffet.

(both gasp)

It's a good thing
we're not hungry.

Yeah, otherwise we might be
lured in by those meatballs.

And that tangy dipping sauce.

(stomachs gurgling)

This place is great.
(muffled) oh, yeah.

But we should probably
get that slicer now.

Man: (on pa) attention,
bwar-mart shoppers.

The time's 7:00 p.M.
The store is now closed.

Oh, no!
Kick, the store's closed.

And we didn't even
get the slicer.

Relax, gunther, closed or not,

We aren't leaving until
we find that slicer.

You are right, kick,

Salted meats are
depending on us.

Well, they'll have to wait because
you two are not going anywhere.

Both: Lars!

According to bwar-mart law,

Anyone within our
walls after 7:00 p.M.

Becomes property of the store!

What do you mean, "property"?

You're now my employees

(shouting) for life!

we came here to get a slicer,

And save the salted
meats festival.

And we are gonna leave here
with one or my name isn't...

Pre-assembled meatballs?

Ah, don't mind if i do.
Why, thank you.

Wait a second.
You're using these meatballs as a trap.

Well, we're not falling for it.

Too late.

Holy meatballs, kick!
Nametags! Run!

Employees, after them!

(crickets chirping)

(all gasping)

(all shouting)

Follow my lead, gunther.

(electricity crackling)

(both screaming)

(all yelling)

Lars: Keep your eyes
peeled, boys.

I know they're here somewhere.

We're almost clear.


What was that?

Sorry, kick, lingonberry gas.

Well, keep it under control.

You'll blow our cover.

It's no use, kick.
My butt, it's gonna...

(loud explosion)

(both screaming) (loud crash)

(lars laughing)

No one escapes bwar-mart!

Employees, fashion your weapons!

(all grunting)

Employees, attack!

Kick: Wait!
Employees of bwar-mart,

We want to help you!

Lars is your real enemy!

Join us and we can
all escape together!

To freedom!

(weak cough)

I've got meatballs.

(all yelling)


Head for the ax aisle.

(glass shattering)



(screaming in slow motion) no!


You okay? I'll live.

All: Bwar!

There are too many of them.
Follow me.

You can't escape.

(gunther straining)

You're surrounded. (evil laugh)

Now, give up! Kick: Never!

We came here for a slicer,

And we won't leave without it.

You're never leaving.

We've got the higher ground.

And you'll never
get the drop on us.

(loud crash)

Victory! You're mine!

Now, for rebelling,

I will start you on this
store's lowest detail,

(shouting) cleaning the
bathroom near the meatball bar!

(all gasping)

I've seen things in there
no man should ever see.



How did you assemble that ship?

Kick: Easy, lars!

Chorus: ♪ snarflungazun! ♪

Your days as a meatball enslaver

Are all washed up.

(all screaming)

Employees! Join us and be free!

Even you, guy who threw a
sewing machine at my head!

But the meatballs!
I live for them!

We're headed to the battlesnax
salted meats festival!

(all cheering)


Can't forget this.

A new slicer.

Lars: Come back!

(yelling) kick: I hope
my credit is good!

All: (chanting) salted meats!

Salted meats!

Salted meats!

Sorry, festival canceled.

This year, meat go uncelebrated.

(all groaning) (loud rumble)

(all cheering)

A new slicer.

The salted meats
festival is saved!

We shall slice meat
thinner than ever

And eat till our sweat
smells of pimento and ham!

All: Bwar!

All right,
let's open this bad boy up.


Some assembly required.

(metal clanging)

Well, at least,
you still have the snarflungazun.

Right, kick? Right, gunther.

I, uh...

You lost the snarflungazun?

do you know what that means?

Both: Back to bwar-mart!

All: (chanting) bwar!
Bwar! Bwar! Bwar!

Lars: You want the meatball.

You can't resist its tangy
lingonberry dipping sauce.