Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 2, Episode 30 - Only the Loan-ly/Roll Reversal - full transcript

♪ Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski, buttowski

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick buttowski! ♪

You've seen him barrel
down dead man's drop,

But today,
kick buttowski will race up it!

Impossible! It's too steep!

I concur with popular opinion.

Your doubts only fuel
his determination.

Gunther, i can speak for myself.

Your doubts only fuel
my determination.

Couldn't have put it any
better if i just said

Exactly the same thing
four seconds ago.

(eagle cries)

Brace yourselves, everyone.

History is about to be made!

Eh, it's better when he goes down it.
History's boring.

I concur with popular opinion.

You're almost there, kick!
You can do it!


You can do it! You can do it!


(screaming) you can't do it.

Hook the sign, kick!

People, this is opening night,

And i don't have anyone small
enough to perform pretty pony pippa.

I beg to differ!

(air whistling)

I can't believe i turned
down hamlet for this.

I'm unconscious now, 'kay?

That was spectacular.

And you would be perfect
in my spectacular,

Teena sometimes. Sometimes a
princess, sometimes a spectacular!

And you're just the right size, too.
What do you say?


You want me to be...
Oh, man, that is rich!

Seriously, there's no way
i'm wearing that costume.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Yes! We made just enough money
to buy tickets for the...

All: Teena sometimes
ice spectacular!

I can't wait to see pretty pony pippa!
She's so pretty! And so pony!

Not to mention, she's so pippa!


Hello, gunther.

Someday, my beefy norseman.
Some sweet day.

Hey, kick! I'm uploading your
partially-completed stunt to rank of...

Computer voice: Lameness detected.
Upload rejected.

Oh. Never mind.

I need speed. I need power.

I need bonesaw to go
up dead man's drop.

Announcer: Do you need speed?
Do you need power?

Do you need your bicycle to ascend
a deceased individual's drop?

Stupid unhelpful pop-up ad.

Why don't you ever advertise
something kick needs?

Announcer: Then you need dirt bike
mike's supersonic bike engine!

Put it on your bike and rev
your way to awesomeness!

imagine what i could do with that!

(ape roaring)
(gunther screaming)

That makes no sense.

Announcer: Only 25 limited
edition engines left!

And, for just 100 bucks,
you could spit in the face of gravity.

I'm gonna need 100
bucks, and fast!

Smell it, girls.
The sweet stank of 100 bucks.

Brianna, can i borrow 100 bucks?
All: No way!

Please! This engine is the only thing
i've ever wanted or will ever want!

And there's only...
Announcer: Ten.

10 more engines left!

Please, just give me a loan!
I'll pay it back.

Plus interest.
Don't do it, brianna!

What if he doesn't pay you back?

Then we'll never get to
see pretty pony pippa!

Yeah! Also, can you ask
gunther if he likes anybody?

Announcer: Six left.

We've got exactly enough for
three tickets to the ice show,

But with just a little bit more
money, we can afford backstage passes!

Bri, if you do this,
i'll get you the backstage passes!

You have my word,
as sworn to the daredevil's code.

Gunther, tell her.

"Daredevil's code, article 33 of dead man
dave's rules of etiquette and conduct.

"A daredevil must repay
all debts with interest."

(both scream) both: Do it, brianna!
Give him the money!

Backstage passes!

I love gunther! Announcer: Five.

Kick, how are you gonna do that?

Quiet, gunther! Can't you see
i'm blindly making promises?

But you shouldn't get
involved with loan sharks!

I saw a show about how
dangerous they are,

During loan shark week.

(scoffs) brianna's no shark.

(ominous music playing)

Announcer: Four. Listen, kick,

I've seen you risk life
and limb for your stunts.

You never give up. So i trust that
you will make good on this loan.

And in due time,
as the teena sometimes ice spectacular

Is this friday evening.
Announcer: Three.

I promise!
Say it in slow motion.

(in slow motion) i promise!

Okay, deal.

Announcer: Two.
But if you do fail,

(whispers menacingly)
there will be consequences.

(screaming in delight)
(screaming in fear)

Announcer: One left!

(intense rock music playing)

And now to...
(rock music continues loudly)

(music stops) sorry,
you were saying?

I was saying...

And now to rev my
way to awesomeness!

Brianna: Oh, kick!
The ice show is tonight!

I'm here to collect my
money and backstage passes.

I don't have them yet.

I just got the engine, bri. Earning
lots of money is not gonna be a problem,

Now that i've got this.

(fake revving sounds)

(gasps) what? This isn't a real engine!
It just makes noises!

This won't get me
up dead man's drop!

Good luck rescuing me
from that giant ape now!

Forget about your stunts.
How are you gonna get my money?

Don't worry, bri. I will for sure
get you the money and the passes.

I just need a little
more time to... Hey!

What are you doing?

Taking bonesaw for collateral.

Or did you already forget
about the consequences?

You can't do that! (growling)

I warned you, kick!
Loan sharks, the sharks of the sea,

On land,
and involving loans in some way.

we've got to make some fast cash.


Oh, come on!

Great! Now what? (horn honking)

I'll make you famous, kid.
You'll be ice skating royalty.

No! I will not be in the teena
sometimes ice spectacular.

The whole sock on
el chimichanga.

(horn sounds)

(bell rings) (crowd cheering)

kick must be really far ahead!


On the plus side,
here's one chimichanga that's a winner!

Thanks for bailing me out,
but the answer is still no!

For the last time, i will not be in
the teena sometimes ice spectacular.

Gunther, i need a faster
way to make fast cash. Fast.

So what's up first on my
kick buttowski experience?

Dead man's drop. Sweet!

I've always wanted to try that!

(siren wailing)

Guess not everyone's cut out for
the kick buttowski experience.

Next time, let's get the money
before the client is unconscious.

Lesson learned. (horn honking)

Hey! Please join my show.
I'll do anything. Anything you want.

It ain't happening.
All access passes!

Brianna, i have your money.

(gasps) i knew you'd come
through, kick!

Did you get the
backstage passes too?

Daredevil dollars?

Kick: They're just as
good as brad bucks!

I gave you this loan
because you never give up.

I really thought you'd
make good on your promise.

But instead you've become brad.

Brad: Yeah, torch passing!

i'm sorry i made you sad.

Sad? Ha! Oh, no.

Sad is long gone.
What you're looking at is


Bri, i... Brianna: Get out!

But, bri... (door slams)


Wait a second!
Kick buttowski doesn't sigh.

Brianna's right,
i don't give up.

Even if it means there
will be consequences.

But i'm out of time.
I'm gonna need bonesaw.

Keep your eyes on that bike.

Kick may have broken his word, but we
won't break our promise to break his bike.

(fake motor revving)

No, wait! I'm going to get the
money, i swear!

A likely story. Get him, abbie!
(abbie growling)

Hey, get back here!


(fake motor revving)

(tires screeching)

I knew you could do it!

He did it! History's awesome!

I concur with popular opinion!

And don't forget
to hook the sign!

Kick: Can't, gunther.
I need the launch.

(both growling)

I knew he wouldn't come through!

(crowd cheering)

(all screaming)

I told you my brother
would come through.

I knew he'd come around.


Gunther: (on megaphone)
ladies and gentlemen,

Today, kick buttowski will attempt
to motocross without the moto!

Using only a skateboard!

That's right. This impossibly
difficult stunt can only be done by

(on megaphone) the stunt
master of mellowbrook.

Kendall: More like runt master.
Crowd: Ooh!

Of smellowbrook. Crowd: Boo!

Can you keep it down out here?

I'm trying to study for friday's impossibly
difficult standardized test, clarence.

Well i'm trying to do an impossibly
difficult motor-less motocross, kendall.

(laughing) smellowbrook!

I get it! (laughing)

Don't you people know that there is
nothing more important than studying?

(crowd booing)

Don't be silly, kendall.
No one cares about studying.

It's all about the stunts!
(crowd cheering)

Kendall: Whoa!


What just happened?
You just did my stunt!

(crowd cheering)

Three cheers for the first
person in mellowbrook

To motocross without the moto!

(crowd cheering)

I think i could
get used to this.

Hey! This is kick's stunt.

He was supposed to be the
one being three cheered.

Show them, kick.
It's no use, gunther.

If i did the stunt now,
i'd just be the first one to do it second.

I knew that.

(crowd cheering wildly)

Speaking of second, how does it
feel to be mellowbrook's number two?

(cheering continues)

Don't worry, kick.
Come tomorrow,

Kendall won't even
remember your shame.

Like i can't remember that
joke i was laughing at.


(laughs) ah, it's still funny.

Ah, the next day.

Wade, i need a double sloshy...

So, there i was,
rocketing towards the impossible.

But was i scared? No, sir.

It's all in a day's work for
mellowbrook's top daredevil.

Adios, danger dudette.

Danger dudette?
It's my nickname, danger dud.

One cheetah chug sloshy, please.

Uh, sorry, danger dude.
That flavor's been discontinued.

But you said mellowbrook's most extreme
citizen gets to pick the featured flavor!

And she did.
As mellowbrook's most extreme citizen,

Kendall picked omega-3 freeze,
as the new featured flavor.

"Omega-3 freeze?"

Yeah. It's chock-full
of that fatty acid.


Sorry, kick. I guess it's out
with the old and in with the me.

Hey, razz. I'm here to pick up...

I thought you guys said
you'd have her fixed today.

(bike bell ringing)

Thanks for putting everyone's repairs
on hold so you can build my new bike.

But you can't even ride a bike.

And neither can you.


Ah, what'll it be, boys?

I'll have my usual.
The usual has been changed.

Usual now, the kendall sandwich.

Magnus, how could you?

Magnus keep up with trends.

Hence, neon shades.

('80s music playing)

(girls squealing) how do you
like my new helmet, kick?

Not that i need one,
as i've never crashed.

(growling) unlike
some people i know.

That's it!

I challenge you
to another stunt.

Ha! On what course?

Any challenge, anywhere.

You name it.

And i will prove that i am
mellowbrook's number one daredevil.

Do it, kendall!
Both: You can take him!

A real daredevil would
name a challenge.

(crowd cheering) yeah!
Audible crowd dialogue!

I, uh, choose...

Uh... Um...

I choose roller derby.

Deal. Deal.

But you do realize you have
no chance of beating me,

Because roller derby
is for girls only.

Girls only?
Then i can't even do it.

(mockingly) oh, no!

I guess that makes me mellowbrook's
top daredevil, by default.

(crowd gasps)

Face it, kick.
You can't beat me.


Well, maybe i don't have to.

what's that supposed to mean?

And why are you smiling?

You wouldn't dare!

(disco music playing)

♪ kiss buttowski ♪

(crowd cheering)

You're not fooling anyone
with that pathetic disguise.

We'll see about that.

Ladies and gents,

Kendall perkins and
the widow makers!

(all growling)


I smell boy. We no like boys!

(giggles nervously)
neither do i.

So, how'd you convince those
things to allow you on their team?

You kidding? Me and the girls
go way (screaming) back.

Hey, girlfriend.

That homework you did
for us was all right.

Looks like we won't have to
repeat fourth grade after all.

(chuckles nervously)

And introducing kiss buttowski

And the lipstick killers.

(all grunting)

(all laughing)

So, how did you get them
to dress up like girls?

I need you to dress
up like girls.

Yeah, okay. Sure.

Fine by me. Eh!

It wasn't easy.

Skaters, take your places!

(crowd cheering)

The rules of roller
derby are as follows.

The two players in the white
helmets are called "jammers."

The jammers get points by
passing their opponents

With the help of their blockers,
who block the opposing team.

(blowing whistle)

You're the jammer, kendall.


So, who's supposed
to block who now?

(kendall screaming)
(points ringing up)

Come back here and
fight like a man!

Uh, i mean, woman.
(giggling nervously)

(all growling)

(all screaming)



(buzzer sounds)

Referee: And so,
at the end of the first jam,

It's the widow makers
in the lead with 74.

Lipstick killers, zero.


Kick, i can't feel my ponytails.

I want my mom.

I always feel like this.


It's no use, kick.

We aren't woman enough
to beat the widow makers.

Then, maybe, we don't have to be.
Huddle up.

Players line up
for the second jam.

(crowd cheers)

(blowing whistle)

Lipstick killers: Now!

Ugh! Boy!

Ugh! Boy!

Ah! Boy!

Oh, boy!


Guess it's just you and
me, girlfriend.

Hey! No fair!





Stop him!

(all clamoring)

Kick: See you at
the finish line.

(points ringing up)


I can't let kick win.

There's only one
way to block him.


(crowd groans)

(blowing whistle)

That's not kiss
buttowski, it's...

All: Kick buttowski!

Biscuits. (whistle blowing)

You are disqualified!

There are no boys
allowed in roller derby!

(laughs) i win!

(blowing whistle)

Not so fast, sister!
You're even worse.

Rule number 137.
No kissing of any kind in roller derby.

You're both disqualified.

(school bell ringing)

Time for today's impossibly
difficult standardized test.

Well, i admit the roller
derby may have been a wash,

But i'm still technically
mellowbrook's top daredevil.

And after i ace this test,
i'll be mellowbrook's smartest, too.



This is a perfect score!

And it was completed in the shortest
time in mellowbrook history.

That's not fair!
I'm the smart one!

Step aside and let me
show you how it's done.

But if you take the test now, you'll
just be the first one to do it second.

Kendall: (screaming) no!

Kick: Oh, yes.

I guess this omega-3 stuff's
supposed to be good for the brain.


In a right triangle, the area of the
square, whose side is hypotenuse,

Is equal to the sum of the area of the
square whose side are the two legs.

This stuff ain't working.